Ch 3- The Garden

Timothy's heart raced in anticipation as he carried his bride to be over the threshold of their new home. He was anxious about what she might say and found himself fearing that she wouldn't like it.

"Oh Timothy it…it wow its so big." She remarked as he put her down. Jude was awed she'd never lived in a place so spacious…. or in a house that wasn't a convent, before. He watched, surprised as her eyes sparkled.

"You like it?"

"Like it? Oh Timothy it's perfect."

Jude was touched that he'd want to give her a home like this and was sure she would start to cry any moment because she was so overwhelmed by it all. The house was very cozy and traditional and even just in the threshold, Jude knew it was everything she'd ever dreamed. A large living room was off to their left, complete with a huge hearth. Straight ahead, and to the right was the dining room, and behind that, Jude could see a separate kitchen attached by a propped open swinging door, and of course, straight ahead, were the stairs. Even from here she could see why he'd wanted and expected to add children to the mix. Unfortunately, the house was perfect for children and while she liked the place; something about her new home made her feel all the worse for being unable to have any.

"Come now; I have lots of things to show you. It's really the perfect house you see." He said, taking her hand and leading her back toward the kitchen. "Just look out the back."

"Wow." Jude gasped, her eyes widening when she first saw the garden.

"I know…" He said, wrapping his arms around her from behind. "Its what sold me on the place Jude, all of those beautiful flowers."

Jude stared out at the back breakfast nook window at the abundance of flowers. Earlier in the day she'd been overwhelmed that he'd bought her just one flower…and now a whole garden?

"Timothy I…it's beautiful."

"The garden is a wedding present." He said, kissing her cheek from behind. "I'm so glad you like it; my love."

"L-like it…Timothy I'm…" Jude was astonished. Timothy laughed.

"I didn't think one flower was enough, you see."

"I-it's the most beautiful gift that…" She started to cry. He smiled, wiping the tears from her eyes as he kissed her forehead. "I don't have a gift far you that…"

"You came with me." He smiled. "Trust me when I tell you it's all the gift I needed."

"Why me?"

"Because you are you." He explained, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. She began to shiver when he did this. "Before today I'd always wanted to bring you flowers… and then I saw this place while I was up here on a retreat…and the idea of buying you hundreds of them, to make up for all the times I couldn't even buy one… well it was just perfect." He smiled resting his forehead against hers.

"Oh Timothy."

"My proposal doesn't seem to rash all of a sudden, does it?"

"No."

"Perhaps you and I will take a walk in the garden later, there's a lot to see out there. But for now, I'm going to go and get everything out of the car. Look around the house and see what other surprises you find." He kissed her cheek.

"Should I help I…"

"No, no just…just explore, freshen up…the only bathroom with towels is upstairs attached to… well, our room." He said nervously. She found herself starting to shake a little when he called it their room.

"Okay." She whispered.

He kissed her again and left her staring out the window at the garden. Jude wanted to go out the back and explore but instead headed upstairs. Her hand glided easily along the wooden rail of the staircase and she paused for a moment upon reaching the landing, surprised to see so many doors. It seemed like a lot for such an old house. First, she ventured toward the back, and knew within an instant that she'd found the room he'd chosen for them to share. It had a small fireplace, a dresser and a good-sized four-poster bed. Jude took off her shoes and ventured into the bathroom to wash her face. She was tired and thought this might be refreshing after such a long journey.

When she was done she wrapped a towel around her neck and continued to explore the house, finding three smaller empty bedrooms and another bath. She stopped and stared for a moment when she reached the entry of the last bedroom, the only one that wasn't totally empty.

Her heart sunk.

She approached it sadly, running her hand along the wooden edge, her heart heavy at the site of the crib she could not fill for him. He must have really met it about wanting kids if there was already a crib. In that instant she wondered why he wanted her and what she was doing there.

"It's okay." Came a whisper against her neck and she jumped.

"Oh, Timothy it's just you!" She sighed, allowing him to wrap his arms around her from behind, still alarmed that he seemed to have come out of no where.

The not yet wed couple paused and looked down longingly at the empty crib. He knew she hurt and she could swear he almost seemed to rock her as they stood there.

"We will find a way to have a baby Jude, when the time is right. But for now it's time to celebrate. Just you and I."

…

Jude found herself relieved to find that the crib, and every other piece of furniture there, had come with the house. He had not selected anything with any particular expectation, but did admit he'd found the crib an appealing touch.

"If at some time we want to fill it, we will find a way to fill it." He clarified taking her hand in his own as they walked. "And if not, we'll enjoy the garden all the more."

He said nothing more on the matter and began to talk about the wedding. Jude remained silent. She didn't know how they'd ever find a way to fill it and wondered why he was so sure they'd be able to. In that instant she knew she had to tell Timothy more about her past. He had the right to know.

It was late. The moon shone high above, lighting their path as they walked down the narrow country road and back to the house. Timothy seemed to be on cloud nine, but Jude was in a quandary. The discussion of babies was disquieting for her: she knew she couldn't have them. She'd told him that and yet here he was continuing to talk about it if she'd never made mention of her infertility.

The whole thing made Jude feel venerable somehow. His assurance on the subject made her nervous instead of comforted: she couldn't tell if he knew something she didn't, or if perhaps she hadn't been clear enough with him and was leading him down a path that he didn't really want to go on. Jude didn't realize it was the reverse of that: he was keeping something from her.

The couple circled around the house and even though it was dark they'd decided to enter through the backdoor, taking a detour through the garden. The abundance of beautiful flowers was enough to make her forget all her qualms about the impending marriage at least for a few minutes.

"Timothy, it's more beautiful than I could've imagined. Ya know ya didn't answer why ya would do this far me."

The garden was lush and just teeming with roses and chrysanthemums, daisies, and zinnias…every kind of flower Jude could think of seemed to be there. There was a small fountain in the center and a little gazebo covered in ivy at the garden's edge. It was so beautiful and tranquil, like a little slice of heaven. Jude could barely believe she was there and that someone had bought it with her in mind. She took a deep breath, convinced that she'd wake up back at Briarcliff very soon.

Timothy smiled at the question. "I told you: it's because you are you." He said. "As a priest I…I wanted more than anything to bring you white roses. It was something I thought about every time we had dinner together." He laughed. "It was something I had to force myself not to do every week. I had deep feelings for you that started the moment we met, only it took me a long time to figure that out and once I did I couldn't get you out of my head or my heart. I-I knew it was wrong to think of you in those ways, but I found after a time I couldn't help myself anymore Jude. And I decided to take a big chance instead of a little one. I could've brought you flowers at dinner one night; leaving you to think that it was sweet, or that perhaps I did care more for you than I let on…but by then I needed it to mean more because I wanted you more than I ever wanted anything else… and I'd come to a decision, one I could not keep to myself.

So one day, I decided that instead of buying you a few roses, ones that would wither and die there on your table at Briarcliff; I'd buy you hundreds of roses that could live on, nurtured by your beautiful hands." He said, taking her hands and kissing them. "And I couldn't think of a more beautiful way, Jude, to tell you I loved you and wanted to spend the rest of my days by your side."

"Oh Timothy, that's beautiful!"

"I mean every word of it. I hope you understand that, this was something I've been thinking about a while, something that I thought about very carefully. What a beautiful thing it will be to wake up with you every morning and fall asleep with you every night." He whispered, rubbing his nose against hers softly, finally resting his forehead against her own. "I thought I owed it to both of us to, to find out if you felt the same."

"Oh I do my Timothy, I do."

"I-I'm excited for tomorrow Jude," He said, "and so knowing all you know will you still marry me?"

"Yes! Oh yes!" She giggled as he joyfully took her into his arms and began to kiss her.

The two danced the night away in their private little garden. It was one of the sweetest, most intimate nights of Jude's life and she wished she could stay there, stuck in the moment forever. In the future she'd look, back wishing she'd understood what lay ahead. If she had she would've never fought the impulse to run.