Thank you all for your support! Now this chapter discusses what little boys often discuss, bodily functions, so be warned!

Chapter 3: First Night

"Well, now," Thorin said clapping his hands together after Dis left. "When Balin gets here with the books, we'll have a good time reading, but since he's not here yet…."

"I'm hungry," Kili interrupted, rubbing his stomach. "Can we eat now?"

Thorin blinked and looked down at his nephew yanking on the hem of his tunic with determined tugs.

Hmm, the boy interrupted me without a second thought. Must happen all the time here. I'm going to nip this in the bud right away, mmm, hmm.

He leaned over and put his hands on his knees.

"Now, Kili, it's not good manners to interrupt people when they're talking."

Kili pushed his bottom lip back and forth with his finger as he thought over his uncle's words.

"But my tummy was talking first, so you interrupted me."

Thorin's mouth fell open at that logic. What? The conversation suddenly took a sharp detour from what he envisioned, and he could not think in the moment how to salvage his point.

"Say you're sorry, Uncle Thorin," Fili said with a stern look as he came to stand next to his brother. "It's not nice to butt in."

Thorin let out an exasperated huff, which only led to his nephews crossing their arms and doing a perfect imitation of motherly disapproval.

"But," he began. Jaws jutted out. "Um, I'm sorry."

Instantly, their scowling faces vanished and smiles lit up the room.

"See," Fili said sagely as he patted Thorin on the arm, "that wasn't so hard, was it?"

Then they led Thorin to the larder and perched on stools waiting for him to prepare something delicious.

"I'm really hungry," Kili said as Thorin rummaged through the shelves looking for something he recognized. "Fee and I played war, Uncle Thorin, and I should've won."

"Nuh, uh," Fili said. "I won fair and square."

"Uh, huh," Kili countered hotly. "Your soldiers were hiding and jumped out at me! That's not fair!"

Fili smiled smugly.

"War isn't fair, Kee!" he said with the experience of a veteran. "That's how you win!"

Thorin listened with interest and pulled his head out of the larder.

"Fili has a point there," he said nodding at him with a smile. "When you're at war, battle tactics include surprises and sneak attacks."

Kili looked from his gloating brother to his approving uncle, and his lower lip quivered. All at once, he opened his mouth and bawled. His screams echoed against the stone portions of the house, and the crystal glasses in the kitchen chimed in sympathy. Fili immediately clapped his hands over his ears, but Thorin did a nervous jig back and forth with his hands held out.

"Kili, Kili, my lad," he started, "now stop crying. I wasn't siding against you. Now Kili, you need to stop. This isn't proper for a prince of Durin. Do you hear me? Kili listen. Are you listening? Kili, I'm telling you now to stop. Grrrrrr. You need to stop this right now. Kili? Kili!"

Thorin trotted over to his nephew and put his hands on his shoulders. In response, Kili started thrashing and kicking out from his stool. Fili ducked under the table.

"FOR MAHAL'S SAKE, STOP SCREAMING THIS INSTANT!" Thorin thundered as if waging war himself.

The screams stopped with a sudden gurgle, and Kili looked up wide-eyed at his uncle who loomed fiercely over him. For a moment, no one moved as if all were frozen solid. Thorin turned his head to see Fili staring at him with his mouth open under the table. Slowly, Thorin took his hands off Kili's shoulders and straightened up stiffly.

"Um, aye, well, good, that's over now…."

Then both boys covered their faces with their hands and sobbed. Thorin closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. He picked up a limp Kili with a sigh and gathered Fili from under the table. Both boys sobbed on his shoulders, and he carried them to the couch and sat down with a plop. Not saying a word, Thorin let them cry until they soaked his tunic.

"You, you scared us!" Kili sobbed out, his little fists bunching Thorin's wet tunic into damp clumps.

Their fearless leader of many battles nodded painfully.

"I know, and I'm sorry," he said sadly. "I didn't mean to scare you."

The boys sniffled loud and wet and gave little hiccupping jerks as they calmed down slowly. Thorin tousled their heads and frowned. This wasn't going at all like he planned. Then Fili looked up, wiped his eyes, and bumped Kili.

"Wow, Uncle Thorin, you can yell really loud!" Fili said in admiration.

Thorin looked down confused. The lad was in tears a moment ago.

Kili gave a watery giggle.

"Wouldn't it be fun for Uncle Thorin to yell like that at Modrin and Lifir?" he said wiggling. "Maybe he can hide behind the bushes!"

Thorin's lips twisted as he listened.

"I'll do no such thing," he said. Last thing I want, by Durin, is all the children crying and angry parents banging down my door.

Kili sighed contentedly and patted Thorin's soggy tunic.

"I'm still hungry."

After losing his way in the kitchen several times, Thorin finally cobbled together a snack of cheese, apples, nuts, and bread. He felt pretty proud of himself when he saw their eyes light up at the fine spread he prepared. It was sliced and arranged rather artistically, if he did say so himself.

"Eat up, lads!" he said fondly and watched with satisfaction as they dug in. They crammed in slices of cheese and apple and tried to talk through fully stuffed cheeks.

"Swallow before you talk," he said automatically, "and make sure you chew thoroughly."

They started in surprise.

"That's just what mama says!" Fili said. He looked on the table and around at the counters. "Did she tell you the rules?"

Thorin lifted his chin. "She did not. I know a few things about dwarflings. I was one once, you know."

"Truly?" Kili said looking doubtful, but Fili glowered.

"It means he knows more than we thought," he whispered loudly to his brother.

Thorin smothered a smile and filled their mugs with water.

"Eat up now."

Kili gulped noisily while Fili scrunched his face.

"Do you always have to make so much noise when you drink, Kee?" he asked with a superior air.

His brother shrugged. "I like the way it sounds. M'Uncle Thorin, what's for dinner?"

Thorin looked down at their empty plates and stroked his beard.

"You just ate."

Both boys nodded as though he should have known better—having been a dwarfling himself once, or so he says.

"But we'll be hungry again soon," Fili said. "Mama says our legs must be empty, and we need lots of food to fill them up, but they seem filled up to me." He looked at Thorin for an answer and waved his hand when he didn't get any. "Anyway, we're always hungry."

Thorin eyed the dark and mysterious larder suspiciously. "Um, I'll see what's left."

Both boys nodded as though the matter was settled and moved on to other interesting topics.

"Uncle Thorin, why do you wear those braids by your ears?" Fili asked.

Raising his hand to touch them, Thorin answered as though it was a secret. "Do you really want to know?"

Both boys balanced on his knees as he spoke long and proud on the subject of dwarf braids and their significance. Fili and Kili listened raptly, and he was pleased with their interest.

"So what's that fancy braid on the back on mama's head," Fili asked. Thorin's faced clouded over.

"Your father put that type of braid on her to show that he loved her," he said softly.

"Ohhhhh," both boys said together. Then Kili tugged on Thorin's hair.

"How come you don't have one?" he asked. "Doesn't anyone love you?"

Thorin took a long, slow breath, and Fili punched Kili's arm.

"That was mean," he said indignantly. "Of course, Uncle Thorin has someone to love him."

They raised expectant eyes, while he harrumphed and decided to inspect Dis' decor.

"Well," he said hesitantly when he could no longer avoid the question, "I have you both and your mother."

Though Fili and Kili were young, they instinctively understood that this was a tender topic for him, and they threw their arms around him.

"Yes, you do, Uncle Thorin," Kili said stoutly. "We love you this much!" and he flung out his arms as wide as he could. Then both boys buried their heads in their uncle's neck and missed the soft smile that stole over his face.

Several hours later, Balin found Thorin fussing in the kitchen as he tried to prepare something like a fish stew. Dis had some salted cod and root vegetables left, so he threw them all together into a pot with some water and hung it over the fire.

"Mmm," Balin said sniffing the air. "I can't quite place the smell."

Thorin tossed him a dark look and hunted for the right spices.

"Don't start," he warned. Balin shook his head laughing and showed the books he held under his arm.

"I took the liberty of adding a few pictures books, laddie," he said cheerfully, "since I thought that 'Dorbrin's Complete History of The Dwarves' was a bit much for the wee ones."

Thorin nodded his approval and asked him to call them in from playing. The older dwarf burst into merry chuckles at the sight of Fili and Kili standing in the doorway covered in mud, sticks, and leaves. They almost looked like small bushes.

"What's this?" Thorin said with exasperation. "How could you both get so dirty in just a few hours?"

Fili kicked the door frame lightly and looked down at the flagstone path. A trail of branches, dirt, and leaves littered the previously swept stones.

"We-ell," he said, "we were trying to ambush each other, so we thought that if we pretended to be bushes, we could fool each other."

"Did it work?" Balin asked with great amusement.

The boys shook their heads.

"No," Kili said. "We both waited for the other one to come, but Fee stayed put and so did I."

Thorin let out a bark of laughter

"You mean you both just sat there like bushes the entire time you were out?"

They nodded morosely. Such a great play time wasted.

"I'll leave you to it, then, Thorin," Balin said. They all heard him laughing down the lane.

"We need to take a bath, Uncle Thorin," Fili said dolefully. Then he brightened. "Unless you let us stay like this?"

Thorin never minded a little dirt himself, but he knew his sister would not appreciate mud all over her sitting room.

"No," he replied. "I think not. Let's get the bath ready."

"Where does dirt come from?" Fili asked while bobbing up and down in the hot water.

Thorin handed him the scrub brush and soap.

"When things die, they break down, and over time become the dirt you see," he answered reasonably.

Kili frowned.

"Does that mean we're walking on dead things?" he asked.

"Not exactly, now wash your hair."

Thorin didn't realize that the boys expected hot water, so he hustled back and forth heating kettles and pouring the steamy water into the stone tub.

"Where do babies come from?" Kili wondered asking the question.

Thorin flushed, but he could blame it on the steam.

"From inside mothers," he replied tightly.

"But where inside?" Kili persisted. "Mama said from inside tummies, but that can't be right, cuz then food would be hitting babies on the head."

Fili puckered his mouth. "Were we pooped out then?"

"No!"

Thorin rubbed his temple and motioned for the boys to finish their bath.

Finally all clean and in their night-clothes, the boys bounded out to see a congealed clot of stew in the pot.

"Uh, Uncle Thorin," Fili asked politely, "are we supposed to eat that, or is that just for you?"

Thorin inwardly groaned.

"It'll be fine," he said hurriedly. "It just needs more water." He thinned it out and slopped it into earthenware bowls.

"See," he said motioning at the bowls, "just fine now."

The boys sat down silently and stirred the thick mass. Then Kili screamed.

"There are eyes in my bowl!" he cried. Thorin looked over to see the fish head grimacing at him.

"I think you were supposed to cut the head off, Uncle Thorin," Fili said while peeking over into Kili's bowl.

Thorin silently swapped bowls and introduced himself to his dinner. He put one spoonful into his mouth and shuddered at the taste. It was so salty that he gagged.

"And I think you were supposed to put the fish in water first to get the salt out," Fili said while chewing hard on a dried lump of fish.

Thorin glared at him and looked down at his bowl. Then someone knocked at the door. Sliva stood on the threshold with a deep dish covered with a brightly colored cloth.

"I made too much shepherd's pie," she said smiling, "and I'd hate to have it go to waste, so I thought you could help me out." Then she looked over and struggled to keep a straight face. "That is, if you haven't eaten too much already."

Thorin looked his dinner in the eye and decided to welcome the offering.

"In the interest of being good neighbors," he said smoothly, "we'd be happy to help. Thank you for thinking of us."

"Aye," Fili said with round eyes, "thank you very much!"

"Very much!" Kili added.

Thorin had wanted to read to the boys before they went to sleep, but they yawned after the first few pages and nodded off, so he put them to bed with one last hug and kiss on the forehead. After working through the night many times in the past few weeks, he decided to turn in early himself. Clouds had gathered during the late afternoon, and now a cheery patter of rain danced on the roof. Thorin yawned and thought back over the day. Not bad, considering. The boys were clean, well-fed—he acknowledged that his dinner lacked a certain something but easily remedied for next time—and the house was spotless.

A success, I think, and without too much fuss. It must be something in a woman's nature to dramatize.

He settled comfortably in the down bed and slumbered peacefully until he had a dream that someone was shaking his shoulder and patting his cheek. At first he didn't mind, but it grew steadily more annoying.

"Ow!" he said finally sitting up and looking around disoriented. In the dark, he saw two eyes staring back at him.

Kili

"Uncle Thorin," he said in a trembly voice, "I had a bad dream."

Thorin groaned and ran one hand through his hair. His notion of a blissful night's sleep disappeared with a pop.

"Well, it's not real, so you can go back to bed now," he said quite reasonably, he thought.

Kili's lip quivered. "No, I had a really bad dream."

Thorin just stared at him and blinked dully.

"He means that he wet the bed, Uncle," said Fili's voice coming up behind his brother.

"I didn't mean to," Kili said, almost in tears.

Thorin's bleary gaze swung back from one to the other.

"So, so what does that mean?" he asked.

"It means that you need to set the pad, the sheets, and Kili's wet night-clothes outside on the line, so the rain can help clean them before they start to smell," Fili said by rote as though this had happened many times before.

"Now?" Thorin said rubbing his eyes. Why couldn't it wait until morning? One look at Fili's face though told him he was serious. Thorin slowly swung his legs around and groaningly stood up.

"Very well," he said, "where is everything?"

Kili and Fili walked him like an old man to the bin by the door. Mumbling to himself, Thorin grabbed the damp bundle and marched outside.

"Evening, milord," called out a dwarrowdam on the other side of the lane. "Sliva told us you were taking care of the boys."

Thorin jumped slightly at the sound of her voice and peered into the dark to see several dwarf women putting up sheets and night-clothes. They all smiled under the hoods of their cloaks and waved.

"Do you do this every night?" he asked, astounded that they were up in the middle of the night.

"No, milord," one said, "not unless they have accidents. Some of us are up only two nights week now."

"Only two?" Thorin asked under his breath. Hmmm….

Once he was done, he hung up his dripping cloak and faced his now wide-awake nephews.

"What happens now?"

Fili grinned.

"It means that we sleep with you!"

Before Thorin could get a word out, they clambered happily into his bed.

"Stop, Kili, you're taking up too much room."

"You took all the covers!"

Thorin ground his teeth as he lay next to their arguing and finally settled one boy on either side of him.

"Uncle Thorin's like a mountain," Kili whispered in awe. "I can't even see you, Fee!"

"Uncle Thorin, where does the rain come from?"

"From the clouds, Fili."

"But how does it get up there?"

"Go to sleep, Fili."

He happily snuggled down. Then all was quiet, and Thorin dozed off.

"Oof," he said as the boys kicked him when they rolled over.

"This is much nicer," Kili said yawning. "Uncle Thorin, where does thunder come from?"

He didn't answer, so Kili jostled him awake.

The now very tired dwarf pushed himself up on his elbow.

"From annoyed parents," he said with an edge to his voice. "It all gathers until it becomes too much and explodes. That way parents don't beat their children for waking them up in the middle of the night. Now go to sleep."

That gave them much to think about, and Thorin started snoring softly.

"Uncle Thorin," Fili asked, thinking of the one question that his mother wanted him to ask his uncle, "why is my pee-pee hard in the morning sometimes?"

Thorin groaned and rolled over.

"What?" he asked with his eyes closed. He could barely think he was so tired, so he fumbled for something to put them off the topic.

"Sometimes it just happens. Like the old saying goes, 'rise and shine," he mumbled sarcastically. "Now stop talking and go to sleep!" Then he paused. "Both of you!"

"What did he say?" Fili asked, trying to see his brother.

"Maybe it's like a hello to the day," Kili whispered from behind Thorin's back, "a happy thing."

"Is that why mama says 'rise and shine' in the morning?" Fili wondered.

Kili shrugged. "I dunno, but she always says it with a big smile on her face."

Thorin started snoring again.

Fili yawned.

"Let's see what happens in the morning," he said, and he plopped his head on his pillow. "Maybe we'll all rise and shine."

So what do you all think? Please review!