Getting out of my truck I walked down to the beach, glad that Embry and Paul had gone on patrol so I wouldn't have to hear them rant and rave about whatever had their panties in a wad. I sat down in the sand watching the ocean, going through old memories of my misadventures that usually led me to Jamie's bedroom window. Our own agreement was no hospitals. "There you are Haley." I turned around to see Jamie without his contacts smiling at me with his crystal blue eyes. "Where else would I be?" I asked him as he sat next to me, and his scent hit me in the face and I was stuck for the first time in my life. I found myself wanting to hug him again and not let go. This man has been the only constant in my life since I was seven. "Haley why are you here?" His question had me confused. He had asked me to meet him there hadn't he? "I know why you're here with me, but why are you in Washington? I'm sure you had friends in Arizona you could of stayed with. What was her name Ashley? Yeah! Ashley, what happened to her?" I wanted to cringe at her name too. "Uh turns out she wasn't that great." He raised an eyebrow at me, pretty much saying, yeah I knew that but explain how you learned this. "Um... Well you know how I don't like many guys..." Cause I was holding out for you to come back so I could tell you how much I loved you. He just nodded his head. "Well... I liked one..."Other then you. I added mentally. "One guy, and I told her about it you know like friends do... Well a week later she tells me she's going out with him." I shrugged not wanting to go on about other reasons on why I currently hate her. "Big deal Hales, girls like her do that shit, and if I know you, and I do, there's more then that." Yeah yeah you know me alright. Sighing I continued. "Well you know how I am about my friends... She kept talking crap about Kirshana, and you... And I just take it anymore, she doesn't know you, or Kirshana... I couldn't take her constant whining anymore either, she was getting so bad that she was bringing me down, me, Jamie, the most chipper person there is when I'm not home." "Damn... She never told you about... Never mind." I looked over at him. "Never told me what?" I needed to know. "Uh well... We kinda... We hooked up that night of your birthday." "You're kidding right?!" I demanded standing up suddenly seeing red. "No... I was lonely, and she was there..." I knew she was a slut, hell I knew they both were, but Jesus fucking christ! My sixteenth birthday? The last time I saw him! "I knew she was going to tell you, so I had to leave... I wouldn't... I can't stand the way you're looking at me Hales." I was glaring at him with all the hate I had. "I knew you were a fucking man whore but that takes the cake! Jesus you really are John Bender! And I'm fucking Claire standish! Too god damn in love with you to care about the past!" I wanted nothing more to be alone. "You... You love me?" He stammered. "That! That's what you took from that?! Seriously Jamie!" I could of slapped him! "You're a god damn idiot if you think I still love you! You cannot sleep with someone's best friend because you're lonely!" "Well she's not anymore..." "That's not even my god damn point Jamie! My point is..." God damn it what's my point?! "My point is I was too stupid to realize you would never feel the same way about me, that I did about you... No! My point is you're both fucking sluts!" There my point. "How long have you been in love with me?" Really!? He was going to ask that. Fine. "Since I first saw you... When I was seven, but I don't harbor those feelings for you any more." I told him the whole truth. Out of the corner my eye I saw Embry walking up. He must of heard my screaming a mile away. I wanted to run to him... "That's why on your birthday you were fine with getting matching piercings huh?" He asked snapping me out of my trance. "Yeah I guess so." It was wrong he knew about this. It had my very own secret for fourteen years. "Fourteen years is a long time Hale." "Don't I know it." I mumbled, wanting this conversation over. "Hey Hales, who's this?" Embry had finally made it over and pulled me to him. Naturally I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head against his chest. "This is-" "I'm Jamie, Hales old friend." He said sticking hand out for Embry to shake, and he did, I got a feeling it was little harder then it should of been but I was still to pissed off to care. "I'm Embry, Haley's boyfriend." Mentally I was hoping this wouldn't turn into a 'my horse is then your horse' thing as I saw Jamie size up Embry. "Right, well Allison, I'll see you around." And with that Jamie was gone again... And the thought that he might never return, made me a little more sad then I would of liked. "Allison?" Embry asked clearly confused, and I finally understood, he heard my protests all those years... And much like we talked about what we thought would happen after that Saturday, John and Allison would never talk again... "Goodbye John!" I called after him knowing he would hear me. I understand now why he refused to let me be Allison up until now. I looked up at Embry and gave him a small smile. "Ever see the Breakfast Club?"
We walked into the house to see everyone there. Even Nessy. I smiled at her and walked up to my current room, I needed to get the smell of Jamie off of me... Mostly though I wanted to be alone. I flopped down on the bed staring at the ceiling. What a day. I rolled over to my side with the sudden urge to cry. This is fucking bullshit. No crying Haley, not over him, you haven't cried over him since you were sixteen, do not start up now. Sitting up I pushed myself off the bed and stripped down. I put on my bullet for my valentine shirt, and bright red skinny jeans, I took out my black studs from my lip and put in red spikes. I grabbed my iPod and put my headphones on, and started blaring temper temper. I shoved on my shoes, grabbed my lighter, and the clothes with the studs and went down the stairs, and outside, finding the burn barrel I tossed in what I had in my hand and lit them up. I was mad, mad at myself. I was so god damn stupid! To make it worse I should of seen it coming from miles away. I shoved my hands in my pockets listening to the music that knew what I was feeling, p.o.w was now playing and I was crying in the rain. I sat down and started singing along watching the flames.
"In my darkest hour
A place where there's no light
I'm trapped here in this nightmare
And there's no end in sight
My body lies here frozen
No voice to scream or shout
Escape, it feels untouchable
I know I must get out
Wake my…
Wake myself from all this danger
Claw my…
Claw myself from six feet under
No, no, more
Am I stuck here like a prisoner of war
I will breathe once more
I will breathe once more
This feeling's overwhelming
It just won't go away
I'm captive in this nightmare
And this is where I'll stay
Wake my…
Wake myself from all this danger
Claw my…
Claw myself from six feet under
No, no, more
Am I stuck here like a prisoner of war
I will breathe once more
I will breathe once more
My anxiety is rising
It just won't go away
All this tension keeps building
Please, just leave me to die
Make, make, make it go away
All I wanna do is live another day
Make, make, make it go away
All I wanna do is live another day
Live another day
Wake my…
Wake myself from all this danger
Claw my…
Claw myself from six feet under
No, no, more
Am I stuck here like a prisoner of war
I will breathe once more
I will breathe once more"
Once the song was done I could help but feel accomplished, I had lived that song, and now is my chance to breathe once more. I stood up and walked back into the house, slightly wet. I sat between Seth and Embry, watching them play mortal combat, forgetting all about my music blasting, they all looked at me funny when leech had started playing, but started laughing once they heard the whole thing, they took my iPod and hooked it up to the speakers, and put it on repeat. It was then I noticed Jake and Nessy were gone. By the time the song had repeated itself twice we were all singing along at the top of our lungs. Except for Emily, after we all had our fun she turned it off. "Come on, time for dinner." She recruited us into the dining room. After we had finished someone started a blond joke, making all of us laugh. I cuddled up to Embry, and listened to everyone tell jokes, and Embry laugh, it was enough to lull me to sleep. Maybe moments later, or an hour, I woke up to Embry tucking me into bed. "Shhh it's okay." He softly whispered and crawled in next to me, I fought sleep, knowing that once I was out, he'd leave, to avoid another event like this morning. "Please stay with me tonight." I begged, I needed him here even whilst I slept. "Okay honey, I'll stay." He whispered and kissed my forehead, I fell back asleep moments later.