Author's Note: True story: my little brother and a kid my mom babysits inspired rule #22. I won't go into detail but for serious, I nearly died. XD The only difference between the rule and the actual thing that inspired it was that the kid didn't fart, he had a dirty diaper.
Rule #19: Letting farm animals run loose in the base is not allowed.
(Bumblebee!)
(Seriously, he should know better than this.)
(Prowl wasn't a happy mech when he walked into his office to find at least twelve cows sitting on his desk and dozens more all over the floor.)
(It didn't help matters in the slightest that there was cow patties all over his data pads and holograms of banjo playing hillbillies scattered all over the room.)
(Prowl glitched.)
(Bumblebee was given a harsh reprimanding and brig time.)
(But then Optimus went to his own office, he found an ass load of goats all over the place in his office and that hillbilly banjo pickin' recording was going full blast the moment he stepped in the room. His reaction was ten times worse than Prowl's.)
(Yee-HAW.)
Rule #20: Allowing Riley near weaponry during her 'time of the month' is not allowed. Period.
(Neither is giving me access to heavy artillery and letting me on the battlefield.)
(That was enough to make the Decepticons beat a hasty retreat.)
(Weapons obsessed mechs now have a deep respect and fascination for me.)
(Not to mention a few crushes.)
Rule #21: Gentlemen, if your woman is acting a little off, don't ask her if she's menstruating.
(Especially not me.)
(Ratchet caught me the day it started.)
(It didn't help that he explained to me the full extent of a menstruation cycle.)
(Then came the Chevy twins.)
(They asked.)
(I swore at them harshly enough to make them cringe.)
(That next morning all those who asked if it was my time of the month had tampons super glued to their vehicle modes along with harsh words and disturbing pictures scrawled all over them in Sharpie marker.)
(My death glares make even the most grizzled veteran, human or otherwise, stop laughing and avoid making eye contact.)
Rule #22: If somebody farts, don't tell them their ass stinks. Even if it's told to someone else and that someone repeats it back to the person you were complaining about.
(Bluestreak.)
(He was talking to Leo when the young man farted.)
(Bluestreak nearly glitched over the smell.)
(An hour later, he started complaining to Annabelle about it.)
(Annabelle suspiciously disappeared for a while.)
(When Annabelle crossed paths with Leo, the little one sniffed the air and quoted Bluestreak's exact words and said, "Your ass stinks.")
(She then proceeded to spray her father's cologne all over Leo's backside and smelled again before informing him it smelled better now.)
(Six weeks later, everyone still reminds Leo of that day by spraying cologne in the air whenever he's around.)
Rule #23: Charlie the Unicorn is in no circumstances allowed on the base... Ever.
(This time, it was Bumblebee and Sam.)
(Their intended target was Ratchet when they began playing all five of the Charlie the Unicorn videos.)
(Prowl glitching was an added bonus.)
(Optimus was not amused. At all.)
Rule #24: Ordering things off the Internet and shipping it in bulk to Diego Garcia is not allowed.
(Bumblebee's follow up prank after the Charlie the Unicorn incident.)
(He ordered the biggest shipment of bananas, a wide assortment of candy, explosives, balloons, sushi, millipedes, and alien costumes the base has ever seen and sent them straight to Ratchet's Med Bay.)
(Apparently all those things were references to every one of those videos.)