How To Live With Giant Robots: A Dummy's Guide To Life On Diego Garcia

by JB Tarrant

Exactly what the title implies: a how-to guide for newbies on Diego Garcia including the do's and don'ts of the base. Prowl's going around and compiling rules to try and keep the base from getting burned to the ground... barely. His job is not as easy as it sounds when he's surrounded by humans and fellow Autobots continuing to push the envelope and get more and more things banned.

7. Rules 37-42

Author's Note:

Suggestions come from:

DeathmatchDrunkard: Rule 37

Bladewolfzic: Rules 39 and 40

Enjoy!

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Rule #37: Linkin Park is banned.

(One song Sam was singing along with made Bumblebee think he wanted him gone.)

(Bumblebee was Spark broken.)

(Ironhide was less than pleased when he found me hugging Bumblebee in an attempt to comfort him.)

(We eventually resolved the matter with the parties involved.)

(Ironhide still glares at Bumblebee when he sees the young scout and me in the same room together.)

Rule #38: Do not give other Autobots their own theme songs.

(Singing it when they walk in to the room is also inappropriate.)

(Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Jazz.)

(They decided it'd be funny to play the Cops theme song whenever Prowl walked into the room.)

(The first couple of times, Prowl thought it was a coincidence.)

(Around the twentieth time it happened, Prowl already caught on to what they were doing.)

(Somehow no brig time was involved, just a hours long lecture.)

(I pity them.)

Rule #39: The following songs are banned:

Rhianna— "Hard"

Chris Brown— "Wall To Wall"

(I'm not even a fan of these artists, so it doesn't make a difference to me.)

(It didn't help Ratchet explained to me the meaning behind these songs in great detail.)

(Now I can't hear the name Rhianna or Chris Brown without cringing/blushing five shades of red.)

Rule #40: The following TV shows and movies are banned:

TV Shows

Gundam Wing

Zoids New Century Zero

(I'm guessing it's because the robots that appear in them are mindless and used to create mass mayhem and participate in epic battles. Gundam I'm familiar with, never heard of the other one.)

(It's probably just because of the robots with a hint of violence.)

Movies

Catwoman

Columbiana

(Prowl, I hate you right now!)

(Those are two of my favorite movies! DX)

Rule #41: "…And then, out of nowhere, a wild Pikachu appeared" is not a reason for missing meetings.

(Me and Sunny Brooke.)

(I'm not even a fan of Pokémon!)

(But Sunny is.)

(I guess Sunny thought it'd be funny to use it as an excuse.)

("No, Sunny, you're not a Pokémon trainer.")

("And, no, Wheeljack can't make you a Poké Ball.")

(Wheeljack made me and Sunny one anyway.)

("I died." Isn't a reasonable excuse, either.)

(That last one is all me! XD)

Rule #42: When Prowl asks you for a report or update you are not to reply "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!" and run off.

(Crimson Flame, Backwoods, Whirlwind, and me.)

(We were all assigned to a team together to patrol the outer perimeter of the new NEST base in Nevada.)

(Apparently Crimson Flame was feeling a little mischievous.)

(When Prowl called for an update, Backwoods started making static noises and cut off the connection.)

(Then Prowl actually came to us and asked for an update once again.)

("You're here, you got two good optics. Does it seem like there's any problems?")

("YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!")

(That was Whirlwind's way of telling the world there's no security breaches before he snatched me off the ground and ran.)

(I did this a week later at an actual meeting with Galloway and Optimus.)

(Whirlwind happened to be nearby and grabbed me and bolted for the door again.)

(I puked all over the floor from the serious case of vertigo I got from the sudden change.)