Rule #91: DON'T LET RATCHET WATCH DISCOVERY HEALTH!

(In the event that this happens, all humans must evacuate the base.)

(Immediately.)

(I was quarantined and scanned for rare and exotic viruses...)

(And embarrassingly enough... worms.)

(Riley and any other soldiers who were unfortunate enough to get caught was given the same workup, too.)

(But then Riley was given a workup to see if she contracted any Cybertronian illnesses!)

(Optimus had to come in and talk Ratchet into letting his prisoners go.)

(After that, there was a lot of awkwardness between me, Riley, and other NEST soldiers.)

Rule #92: Writing unusual phrases in Cybertronian and having the Autobots translate it into English is not funny.

(Leo and Sunny Brooke.)

(Seeing as Sam was infused with the Allspark for a short time before his knowledge went into the Matrix of Leadership and Riley is the new vessel for the Allspark, they decided to exploit that.)

(Riley and Sam were asked to write unusual sayings and words in Cybertronian before running around asking for the words to be translated.)

(I was around to hear Optimus' and it made me snort coffee.)

("When I was a child, my parents wanted me to be a rabbi."— Optimus' note.)

("Hey, baby, you look about ready to faint. Would you like me to begin giving you CPR?"— Ratchet's note. He was using his holoform when he read it and Sunny glomped him.)

("I'm magically delicious."— Ironhide's note. Riley didn't realize he would be the one to get that one and blushed.)

("Santa Claus is plotting world domination of the McDonald's restaurant food chain with Wheeljack and Riley's flying robot monkeys!"— Bluestreak's note.)

("They say I'm insane, but I plan to dominate the world with my genetically mutated potatoes!"— Prowl's note. He looked about ready to glitch after reading that.)

(Since nobody realized it was a joke, they continue doing this often.)

Rule #93: Don't play the punch buggy punchies with the Autobots.

(Just for kicks, Riley sprang Bumblebee out of the base and convinced him to alter his Camaro form into a yellow Bug and went for a ride around town.)

(I thought it was hilarious when Riley told me that Bumblebee got confused about why people were yelling, "Yellow one!" and punching a friend or complete strangers.)

('Bee eventually figured out it was a game and began enjoying it more.)

(Me, Sam, Riley, and Mikaela hit up different parts of town at least twice a week with him just for laughs.)

(Ironhide is getting a little touchy around the young scout since Riley is making a bond with Bumblebee and still cheering him up after the Linkin Park incident.)

(Hey, it's not like Riley will be able to convince him to alter his vehicle form into a VW Bug for her amusement.)

Rule #94: Switching signs around on bathrooms for pranks is prohibited.

(Leo.)

(Poor Simmons was so confused when he walked into the bathroom to find female soldiers in both bathrooms.)

(After going back and forth for several minutes, he went all the way across the base just to use the bathroom.)

(Riley got mad after finding the bathroom she went into was full of men and went all across the base warning everybody that certain bathrooms were rigged for pranks.)

(A very long lecture from Optimus for Leo.)

Rule #95: Messing with fellow Autobots' holoforms is not funny.

(Sunstreaker and Sideswipe.)

(They wanted to prank Prowl, so they recruited Riley for a bit of assistance.)

(Prowl was none the wiser about what happened until he went on patrol around the city.)

(Riley was pulled over for speeding and he had to get out to give her a ticket.)

(Riley then proceeded to cackle like a madwoman and make rude comments about police and pigs before speeding off but not before altering her own holoform into a polar bear.)

(Prowl never once noticed his new holoform was a human sized pig in a police uniform.)

(The Corvette twins chose that moment to drive by with Sideswipe's Neanderthal hologram hanging out the window cackling, "It's so easy, even a caveman can do it!")

(The Decepticons in the area that saw us goofing around joined in the fun.)

(I happened to be walking around when Barricade pulled up with a Sasquatch behind his wheel asking for beef jerky.)

(Hell, even Starscream joined in and altered his holoform into a giant strawberry.)

(The mental image of that made my day until Riley pulled up with Gru behind the wheel and a truck full of minions from Despicable Me.)

(Best. Day. Ever.)

(Of course, Prowl didn't think so.)

(Optimus actually laughed when the news channel reported on the quirky characters driving fancy cars and a fighter jet.)

Rule #96: Claiming to have been experimented on by Wheeljack will end up with you in the Med Bay and the aforementioned scientist in the brig for something he didn't do.

(Riley!)

(She dyed her hair purple and altered her attire to a purple pair of pants and a pink and purple striped shirt. She even went so far as to put purple stripes on her cheeks and put on makeup to look like a smile splitting her face. Then she went on to put on a pair of pink kitty ears and a pink and purple tail.)

(Annabelle dressed as Alice and chased Riley all over the base.)

(The duo raced all over the place, screaming "Trick or treat!" at soldiers and Autobots.)

(Prowl was confused by it.)

(Annabelle's parents took their picture and Ironhide gave them moon pies as treats from Anna's bag full of snacks.)

(Hound stopped them and asked what we were doing.)

("I'm looking for Jackie.")

("Why?")

("I'm hoping he can reverse the effects from me falling into a cool glowing purple stuff.")

("...")

("Hound? You okay?")

(Apparently not.)

(He commed Ratchet and took Annabelle away from her and ran.)

(Riley was hauled into the Med Bay and a protesting Wheeljack into the brig.)

(Poor Wheeljack served a few hours in the brig until Optimus heard what happened.)

(Turns out the Autobots are quite literal when it comes to jokes.)

(No wonder Prowl didn't get those dirty cop jokes Riley was telling him.)