Rule #103: If you see Riley with Ironhide, leave them be.
(Sideswipe told me about this once.)
(He found Riley walking around with a face splitting smile and freakishly, Ironhide did, too.)
(They apparently had some alone time together.)
(I got to see this bizarre phenomenon later that day with Bumblebee.)
(My companion decided to play cheesy porn music and hid when they looked.)
(I about died when Ironhide got Bumblebee in a headlock muttering about being disrespectful.)
Rule #104: If the subject of Sparklings comes up, don't ask for the specifics!
(I was curious and asked Ratchet.)
(He proceeded to tell me all the parts of a Cybertronian that goes into Cybertronian baby-making for four hours.)
(I was so pale I could have been called a ghost.)
(Ratchet was smug all day.)
(Leo caught up with me later that day and asked me what I asked Ratchet.)
(Then he dragged me after him to find Ironhide once he got he wanted from me.)
(He asked if Ironhide wanted any Sparklings of his own.)
(The mech stared.)
(Riley in her Cybertronian form happened to walk past the room we were in and glared as she went.)
(It's no secret she wants kids of her own someday.)
(And it's no secret Leo's terrified of Riley ever since he screwed with her and pissed her off.)
(Once she was out of sight, someone whimpered.)
(It wasn't Leo.)
Rule #105: Don't piss off Riley.
(Refer to Rules #98 and #102.)
(A cranky Riley may have been a rather terrifying experience for some mechs, an angry Riley is not something to be trifled with.)
(She's even deadlier than Ironhide when he's male PMSing.)
(Not even Ironhide wants to be around her when she's like this.)
(When Riley is in this kind of mood, avoid her at all costs.)
(If that can't be helped, I have one word for you: RUN!)
(Run for a damn mountain!)
(I don't care if you're on Diego Garcia, run and don't stop till you're reached that damned mountain or the American-Canadian borderline.)
(Whichever you can get to faster.)
(Lucky for us, we had to go fight Decepticons and we unleashed the wrath of Riley on them.)
(I don't think I've ever seen Megatron look more terrified than he did then.)
(It caused them to beat a hasty retreat after quite a few Decepticons fell victim to her wrath.)
(Riley chased the entire Decepticon Army clear off the battlefield and back to their base.)
(We got a vidlink with the Decepticon leader himself begging Optimus to call off the crazy ass femme rampaging all over his base.)
Rule #106: Yes, we all know Bumblebee and Jazz are ridiculously small compared to the other Autobots. Stop teasing them about it.
(Bumblebee walks around looking for all the world like a kicked puppy.)
(A Sad Bumblebee is a very heartbreaking sight.)
(Riley saw this after Sideswipe teased him about his height.)
(She chewed Sideswipe out and hugged 'Bee.)
(More like glomped him.)
(Bumblebee was happy with all the cuddling Riley was doing with him to make him feel better.)
(Ironhide was very disgruntled.)
(Jazz, on the other hand, was a little more mature about the teasing.)
(He made their audios explode.)
(His victims were deaf for weeks while Ratchet fixed them.)
Rule #107: Bathroom humor is not funny.
(Me and Riley.)
(Sunstreaker and Sideswipe were getting on our nerves, so we began plotting their downfall.)
(Eventually, Riley took me to the store, bought a couple plungers, chocolate sauce, and Liquid Ass.)
(After covering the plungers with the chocolate and spraying them down with the Liquid Ass, we had to hold our revenge prank weapons away from us as we ran down the hallway and right at the twins.)
(Riley made her mark by smearing the chocolate all over Sunstreaker's legs.)
(The twins freaked out and ran for the wash racks to clean the supposed liquid turd off them.)
(Reloading our weapons, we went off in search of new victims.)
(I slipped into a meeting with Galloway and I slapped him with my plunger and ran before Optimus could do anything.)
(But I'll tell you, I've never heard a grown man scream like that before. O_o)
(We were made to apologize to our victims and were put on cleanup duty for a week.)
Rule #108: Fart Bombs are forbidden.
(Leo.)
(He just had to put them in Riley's room.)
(It wasn't just one of those things. More like twenty of them.)
(Riley didn't find it humorous.)
(So she gave him the scare of his life...)
(By painting his bedroom floor in such a way that it looks like a giant hole that takes up the whole floor with only enough room on the wall opposite for his bed to remain out of the hole and a small ledge just inside the room.)
(When Leo came back to see that, he freaked.)
(Then Riley had to run up and push him further into his room.)
(Leo fainted afterward once he figured out it was an illusion.)
(Riley then threatened to make that illusion a reality if he tried anything against her again.)
Author's Note: If you're interested, here's the links to the videos that inspired the prank rules. Be warned in the plunger prank video, there is severe language.
Toilet paper prank: www. Youtube watch?v=s5ySnbfWLYA
Poopy plunger prank: www. Youtube watch?v=M51sAv6iNN8
Fart bomb prank (among others in the same video): www. Youtube watch?v=psRfJl9rBSo