Rule #115: Fast and Furious inspired games are forbidden.

(Miles!)

(Everyone was bored.)

(In all honesty, I was all for it.)

(Somehow even Ironhide was enthusiastic about it.)

(The Decepticons haven't been stirring up trouble for a while and everyone knows how the Twin Terrors get when they're bored.)

(So Miles set up the race, but the requirements were that for every Autobot participating in the race, they had to have a human 'driver' and not their holoforms, no using sneaky tricks like using weapons to gain an advantage, and go three laps around the whole of the island.)

(So Darren and Wheeljack elected to distract the responsible mechs and humans that would try to stop the race from happening.)

(Unfortunately, that didn't work for very long.)

(The moment one of the soldiers waved the green flag to start the race, Optimus and Prowl arrived with Jack and Darren running at us yelling to start the race.)

(A few minutes after the race started, the Twin Terrors decided to try and bug me by using holograms of randomly assorted items like bananas, beach balls, rubber chickens, and wrenches.)

(Then Riley in her vehicle mode pulled up with a Sasquatch and Minions in the bed of her truck throwing beef jerky at the twins.)

(I thought it was pretty humorous.)

(Sam even passed out laughing behind the wheel.)

(When the race was over, we all were confronted by the whole lot of the responsible 'Bots and we had to sit through a lecture on why what we did was dangerous and could've put the humans riding with us as risk for serious injury.)

(When they asked who's idea it was to put the race together, we gave them Miles.)

(Who in turn gave them Fast and Furious for the reason behind why he did it.)

(I loved those movies! TT-TT)

(Frag you, Miles.)

Rule #116: There is a time and place for being random. In the middle of a meeting is not that time or place.

(Me, Sunny, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Whirlwind, and Riley.)

("If there wasn't perfect jobs..." "We wouldn't have hot dogs! BWAHAHAHAHA!"— Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, in the middle of being repaired from a battle.)

("Purple chickens rule the world from Area 51! They use the world government as puppets to control us all!"— me, in the middle of a conference with Mearing.)

("Zucchini knows all! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"— Sideswipe, in the middle of a debriefing after a mission to Africa.)

("Penguins! Penguins everywhere! They steal your sanity one brain cell at a time!"— Whirlwind, making Dinobots afraid of the flightless birds.)

("Kup, let's face it: everything below your waist is kaput."— Whirlwind, listening to Kup complain about how old he's getting.)

("You obviously don't understand the level of insanity Jackie and I operate at. If you did, you'd understand that the less likely you think it'll turn out doing good, the more surprised you'll be if it does work. But in Wheeljack's case, nothing pans out right anyways."— Riley, hurting Wheeljack's feelings while at the same time trying to explain why the base now has a new skylight to Ratchet.)

("I'm not perfect. Hell, nobody's perfect. But to my mom, me and Riley are so damned talented and perfect, we can eat dandelions and poop rainbows."— Isaiah, trying to explain to Prowl why parents believe their kid is better than other people's kids.)

(The explanation made him glitch and fall on top of me.)

Rule #117: Rick rolling is not funny.

(Me and Riley.)

(I thought it was funny.)

(Prowl didn't think it was.)

(I got his attention by telling him I had something important to tell him then blared the song in his face.)

(Riley did the same thing to Megatron a couple days later when the 'Cons tried attacking our base.)

(She charged at him gun drawn and stopped short of him and blared the song at him.)

(While Megatron was busy gawking at Riley, Optimus took the opportunity to tackle him from behind.)

(Afterward, she was reprimanded for fooling around instead of paying attention on the battlefield.)

(After that, Riley put on her kicked puppy routine.)

(It's still a heart/Spark breaking to behold.)

(Ironhide nearly shot me when he found me hugging her to cheer her up.)

(He then proceeded to chase me off and returned for a private moment with her filled with much lip-locking action and touchy-feely-ness going on.)

(I should know. I saw it.)

(And took pictures for the next issue of Diego Garcia Weekly.)

(I'm working on posters to hang everywhere.)

Rule #118: Riley Grace Ashton-Bishop, Prowl, Ratchet, Red Alert, and Optimus are telling (more like, demanding) you for the last time: NO MORE FAKE BLOOD PRANKS! YOU SICK PUPPY!

(Oh, Primus, this scared the frag out of me. O.O)

(Riley once again took to the Internet and bought a truckload of fake blood and surgical supplies.)

(She wanted to play doctor.)

(She even recruited her brother, Sunny, and Darren to be her assistants and set up shop in the Med Bay while Ratchet was out.)

(The 'patient' the group named Bob was prepped for his surgery and cut open the moment me, Ratchet, Ironhide, Optimus, and Prowl walked in looking for her on suspicion of being high on sugar. Again.)

("You're in good hands." She said.)

(Riley proceeded to take a hammer to Bob's ribcage and completely shattered it, cackling like a maniac.)

(Ratchet was about ready to have a Spark attack.)

(Optimus was mortified.)

(Prowl and I glitched when she and her partners began yanking organs out, splashing around in fake blood, and stabbing Bob in the head with scalpels and scissors.)

(Ironhide looked ready to purge his tanks on the floor.)

(Ratchet glitched badly enough to keep him out cold for a few hours.)

(But when he came back online, he put them all under observation.)

(Then he found out they recorded it and programmed the camera to hack into the communications network on the base and began playing the operation on every TV there is on base.)

(It weirded a lot of people out.)

(Ratchet then ordered an aft load of mental health examinations and a prolonged stay for more observation that lasted the entire last week of November and most of December before letting them go to spend Christmas with their families.)

(I'm still sure Ratchet's vowing to go after them again the day after Christmas to resume testing.)

Rule #119: Everyone knows Ironhide is paranoid of Decepticons attacking his family's home and people breaking into the home. Don't test the waters of how dangerous he can be when it comes to them.

(Sunny Brooke.)

(Okay, I helped too. I admit it.)

(We told Ironhide all about Santa and how he visits all the kids on Christmas Eve and leaves them presents.)

(Needless to say we succeeded in freaking him out.)

(Ironhide even told Will to take precautionary measures to ensure the safety of the house.)

(Of course, Will didn't take it seriously.)

(And he knew we were trying to mess with Ironhide's head, but he made no move to tell Ironhide that.)

(The following day, we all kinda worried for the mech's sanity when we all decided to gather at the Lennox's house for Christmas and found him setting up motion sensors and all sorts of weaponry to ensure Santa didn't get to the house.)

(We shrugged it off 'cause we all know that's how he is.)

(But it got worse as the week passed and Christmas Eve came.)

(He actually patrolled the entire perimeter of the property before he transformed and went into a recharge thinking one of the other Autobots would take over in watching the house.)

(Boy was he confused when Annabelle woke him up that morning to show him the presents Santa left for her.)

(But he nearly flipped his lid when he came to his senses and found a present sitting on his hood.)

(He actually drove to the street and came back without the present, possibly thinking it was a bomb.)

(It wasn't.)

(If Ironhide were a human, he would have had an aneurism the moment he found out it happens every year.)

(Then he went into a frenzy decking the house with more security measures.)

(I laughed at him for his stupidity and got his present back and opened it for him.)

(You know what it was?)

(A Nerf gun tied to the paws of a teddy bear in a military uniform.)

(Sunny finally told him Santa wasn't real and Ironhide was fit to be tied ranting about us messing with him.)

(When he calmed down, sort of, he turned on me and Sunny and we were out of there before Ironhide could use us for target practice.)

Rule #120: Jack Frost is not real! Knock it off with these crazy complex jokes!

(Riley!)

(Annabelle asked if Jack Frost was real.)

(Riley got that devious look in her eyes and said she was in fact his cousin and Frosty the Snowman was a friend of hers.)

(Anna asked if Riley can make snow like Jack.)

(The next morning, the base and a good portion of the ocean surrounding Diego Garcia was covered in ice and at least ten feet of snow.)

(Riley then proceeded to tell Annabelle that the ability to create ice runs in the family.)

(It was really her playing with unholy amounts of liquid nitrogen, dry ice, and a snow machine.)

(Since no one was actually hurt, Optimus let this one slide for the sake of Annabelle being happy over the snow.)

(Optimus didn't, however, let slide the fact that the Corvette twins get away with leaving an unusual surprise of a hologram of a Cybertronian sized elephant in his office.)

(I thought the prank was funny. Especially 'cause it involved, as the humans termed it, the proverbial pink elephant. Complete with yellow polka dots.)

(I swear Prime nearly glitched when it got up on its hind legs and began dancing a polka and tried pulling him into the dance.)

(That actually came with three days brig time strapped to chairs and forcing their optics to remain online to watch Boobah on an endless loop the entire time.)