Rule #139: Telebubbies is banned for all eternity.

(In my defense, Sunstreaker had it coming.)

(Sunstreaker just wanted to see that ugly side of me like he did when he baptized me in my sleep.)

(I was getting a well-deserved wash when it happened.)

(Now, even though I'm a Cybertronian and I really don't have anything to be hidden like I would as a human, I still reacted the same way a human femme would when walked in on during a shower.)

(Sunstreaker thought it'd be hysterical to reenact a scene that came straight out of Psycho because he jumped in on me with weapons drawn and screaming.)

(Naturally I freaked.)

(And that in turn brought my dad, Optimus, Ratchet, Prowl, and Ironhide since these guys just happened to be in the vicinity and close enough to hear me screaming.)

(When they saw the yellow 'Vette twin in there with me and poised to attack me (or so it looked to Ironhide and my father), Ironhide wanted to kill Sunstreaker and my dad wanted the yellow twin's head.)

(Optimus reprimanded him harshly for it.)

(I teamed up with Ratchet for a bit for revenge.)

(Revisiting shows from my childhood, I found one in particular that made me break out into peals of maniacal laughter.)

(It just confused Ratchet.)

(But it didn't take long for the diabolical look to find its way onto his face when I showed him a clip of the show.)

(So we forced Sunstreaker's optics to remain online to watch Telebubbies on an eight hour loop.)

(And as a failsafe, if he ever figured out how to override Ratchet's work to keep his optics online, the timer I put the show on would reset and play the episodes again from the beginning as though the timer had just started.)

(To ensure the maximum amount of punishment, the Barney theme song was played on a continuous loop in his processor that he couldn't shut off if he tried.)

(Because of how well the encryption for the song was, I now owe Blaster a favor that he'll ask of me at a later date.)

(But anyways, when we went to collect him, Sunstreaker glitched badly enough to keep him out for a month.)

(After that, I don't think he'll ever try anything against me again.)

Rule #140: Making loud noises at random intervals to "make sure you're still alive" is not allowed.

(That's Ratchet's job.)

(Plus it startled a lot of people.)

(Which makes it all the more funny.)

(Galloway was being an asshole pestering Wheeljack about something and I had to intervene.)

(So I altered my appearance to mimic the Boss Bot, never minding that he was in fact out cold in the Med Bay for a maintenance workup.)

(Deciding I could have a little fun with this, I snuck up on Galloway and screamed, making everyone that heard me jump and pull out their weapons, thinking there was a threat.)

(I think I made Galloway piss himself.)

("Ratchet told me to make a loud noise from time to time in order to assure myself I'm still alive.")

(With that, I walked out of the room like a boss, leaving a whole lot of confused Autobots and humans in my wake. XD)

(Galloway flipped out on Optimus when that annoying little pest caught up to him when Optimus was heading for a meeting.)

(Boy, was Optimus confused to hear that he screamed in Galloway's ear some hours earlier when he was actually unconscious on a medical berth.)

(But then he wound up coming to me and reprimanded me for it after he figured it out.)

(Optimus wanted me to apologize.)

(When I came face to face with him, I screamed again and gave Optimus the same excuse and promised Galloway I'd scream louder next time.)

(The 'Vette twins happened to be around to see it and cackled like maniacs before following my example and handing out the same excuse as me.)

(A week later, I was landed in the Med Bay for an injury I sustained in combat training when I did it again.)

(I made Prowl glitch because I startled him and nearly made Ratchet drop the arc welder he was using and weld his foot to the floor.)

(I got a hit to the head with a wrench for my effort.)

(So. Worth. It!)

Rule #141: Pretending to communicate with people who don't exist is not allowed on base. Those who defy this rule will be sent to Ratchet for a mental health examination.

(What to say about this...)

(I got nothing to say about this.)

(Except there's a slight possibility that I'm rubbing off on 'Bee.)

(So here's the rundown on what happened, okay?)

(Picture this: a bored young scout standing in a corner facing the wall and a paranoid security director with an irrational fear of everything from something as trivial as spiders to something that isn't real like zombies. But there are things that are real that he and all males on base are afraid of: angry femmes. And he's watching 'Bee like a hawk.)

(Anyways, Bumblebee had been standing in the corner muttering to himself for maybe thirty minutes and Red Alert had enough trying to figure out what he was doing and asked.)

(Bumblebee's excuse was boss.)

("I was thinking of things to put down in a letter to my friend Raoul telling him about today.")

("Who?")

("Yeah. He's a hairless wolf that lives in the pantry in the mess hall and vacations in the janitor's closet near the humans' barracks.")

(I see someone is trying to rip off Edgar the Imaginary Panda Bear.)

(Poor Red glitched.)

(Sideswipe is running around screaming about a purple chicken now.)

(Whirlwind's new imaginary friend is a breakdancing Loch Ness Monster he named Tiny.)

(Some of the soldiers started thinking up weird excuses like that too.)

(Seeing this started spreading to everyone, Ratchet started treating the soldiers' sudden case of irrationality as an epidemic.)

(He started trying to contain this with Patient Zero: me.)

(You see that, guys? He thought of me first. I'm touched. And offended.)

(The real Patient Zero in this case is Bumblebee.)

(Ratchet put me in isolation before going to round up the other soldiers using weird ass excuses I'm known for.)

(Mental health examinations for everyone!)

Rule #142: Telling Ironhide Riley is pregnant is forbidden.

(The 'Vette twins started it.)

(I didn't know about it till after the fact.)

(They told Ironhide that I was expecting... of all things... quadruplets.)

(Ironhide glitched.)

(When he woke up in the Med Bay, I happened to be there getting a maintenance workup done and he pounced on me.)

("Why didn't you tell me?! I had to find out through those fragging twins!" D8)

("Um... sorry for not telling you first? What am I apologizing for?" :/)

("Those damn twins told me we went and Sparked kids!")

("Excuse me?! Ironhide, I'm not even pregnant!" O.O)

(It was just awkward after that.)

(I think he might've been disappointed I wasn't pregnant.)

(Ratchet had to hold Ironhide down when the Corvette twins made an appearance to congratulate the "parents-to-be" before running to escape the pissed off "mommy-to-be".)

(Dad was ready to kill Ironhide after Sideswipe told him Ironhide got me knocked up with his grandkids.)

(Now me and Ironhide are having to go around quashing the Sparkling rumors before the entire Autobot population gets their hopes up to hear the pitter patter sound of little running pedes in the near future.)

(Even after quashing the Sparkling news, I'm still getting congratulated on the Sparklings I'm not carrying! D8)

Rule #143: Rubber ducks are banned from base.

(Okay, I'll admit this was pretty humorous.)

(Galloway was visiting the base so everyone was bummed out about it.)

(So Sunny teamed up with the Chevy twins to prank Galloway with the item forbidden to be brought to base: rubber ducks.)

(The reason they were banned was because Prowl said ducks don't squeak.)

(That's retarded since it's... well... a toy.)

(But anyways, they went all over the base throwing them at people and the twins were shooting them out of their guns at other Autobots on the first day they were at it.)

(Everyone kinda wrote it off as the trio trying to cheer people up because of Galloway's arrogant and "holier than thou" attitude.)

(But then again, everyone was just exchanged confused glances with each other, shrugged, and continued on with their day.)

(But the next day was worse than before, everyone finding the toys all over the place.)

(On the floor, on the couch, in the food in the mess hall, in the rafters, inside the computer terminals, in the refrigerator, in the Med Bay, on the weapons range, in Ironhide's cannons, in the Energon dispenser, in the toilet, you name it.)

(Nowhere was left rubber duck-free.)

(Ratchet was pretty pissed at opening a cabinet and nearly drowning in an avalanche of rubber ducks and trying to use his arc welder and having ducks shoot out of it instead of a flame.)

(Bumblebee, however, thought it was funny.)

(Prowl was another story.)

(Sunny and the Chevy twins covered every flat surface to be found in Prowl's office.)

(Prowl glitched.)

(Sunny and the twins were made to apologize and retrieve every one of the ducks.)

Rule #144: Peanut butter is close to be getting banned from base unless it is used for the proper purpose of eating and not pranks. Riley, Prowl would also like to remind you that "sammich" is not a word.

(And Optimus would like to ask people to stop telling the human ambassadors to give him crunchy peanut butter as gifts because he clearly does not appreciate finding crates of it in his office.)

(Are you sure, Prowl?)

('Cause it just gets funnier and funnier every time he gets a shipment of the stuff. XD)

(But then again, the Corvette twins are wreaking havoc with the stuff and putting it in the showers, on the floor, in soldiers' boots, and throwing it at other mechs.)

(But now me and Sunny can finally fulfill our dream of making the biggest peanut butter sandwich in the history of peanut butter sandwiches. :D)

(And on that note... sammich is a word.)

(It is in my book, anyways, so slag off.)

(So I had to get in on the peanut-infused pranking with throwing peanut butter sandwiches at him and running away cackling before another idea hit me: peanut butter-themed songs.)

(So I disappeared and hit up the Internet.)

(And found a song from the Spongebob Squarepants Movie: the Goofy Goober Song which would be followed by an encore performance of Peanut Butter Jelly Time.)

(So I hacked the intercom system to play the song every time Prowl or Ratchet entered the room.)

(And during a meeting with said tactician and medic, I swapped out the footage they intended to show with the clip from the movie that featured the song.)

(Prowl and Ratchet glitched.)

(Everyone else either laughed or looked torn between doing just that and being shocked.)

(After the meeting was when it really started up.)

(Ratchet freaked out and dropped the arc welder he was holding, accidentally welding his foot to the floor in shock when the song started blaring over the intercom.)

(Prowl spilled Energon all over the place and glitched when it started playing over the comlink.)

(Me and the 'Vette twins were eventually caught and tossed in the brig for a few days and made to apologize and clean up the messes we made when we got out.)