Rule #157: The execution of patience tests is forbidden.

(No thanks to Sunstreaker and Sideswipe.)

(They chose me to give a patience test and they basically followed me around trying to make me go homicidal.)

(I woke up with Sideswipe's holoform straddling me in bed before he spit a mouthful of water in my face and ran.)

(And not two seconds later, I was hit multiple times in the head with a ball gun and pillows.)

(Three minutes later, I had the twin idiots dancing around in pink body suits.)

(Later that morning, I was put on monitor duty and the twins started it up again.)

("Let's go on a safari! Aaagh!"— Sunstreaker, after showing up wearing camouflage and screaming incoherently in my audio.)

(Sideswipe made unusual sounds and squirted my face with an Autobot sized can of Ferbreeze.)

(Those two even shut off the power and waved flashlights in my face.)

(I came close to drawing the line when Sunstreaker decided to do a handstand and use my shoulders to brace his ass against me before I thought better of it and pushed him backward onto his face.)

(His feminine shrieks still bring me great smugness that I ruined his paintjob.)

(By the time an hour had elapsed, I couldn't ignore them anymore and tried to kill them.)

(Chasing them off only served to encourage them to give other Autobots and a couple soldiers patience tests.)

(Let's just say, Optimus had to do a lot of restraining of very pissed off mechs come the end of the day.)

Rule #158: "Welcome to Jurassic Park" is not an appropriate greeting to new recruits and/or Autobots.

(The movies are banned, too, because of my fascination if giant carnivores.)

(Let me just go ahead and say I had absolutely nothing to do with this.)

(But I did kinda start it in a way.)

("This place is like Jurassic Park. Look, I'm not calling you an idiot or anything, but it's just that trigger happy mechs and frontline soldiers just aren't meant to coexist in close quarters peacefully."— me explaining to new recruits the outs of three certain mechs and their tendency to attempt to annoy and/or kill each other.)

("Hey, you can't seriously compare people making genetically modified dinosaurs to giant robots. It's not anywhere near the same thing."— a stubborn recruit trying to disprove my analogy.)

("Welcome to Jurassic Park."— me, sitting back and observing Ironhide using the 'Vette twins for target practice.)

(Unfortunately, someone, I don't know who, decided to use my statement as inspiration for a prank.)

(That morning, all the Autobot insignias around the base were removed. Their replacement? The Jurassic Park logo.)

(Signs were even strung up around the perimeter of the NEST base, the entrance to the Autobot Hangar, and the entrances to the human parts of the base.)

(It didn't help the signs were written in fake blood on raggedy pieces of cloth, all of the signs saying either "Welcome to Jurassic Park" or "Enjoy your stay...".)

(In fact, it just weirded a lot of people out and the new Autobots were confused by it until they looked it up.)

(Then they were the ones that were scared.)

(Whoever the pranksters were, they got me in trouble 'cause of my history with fake blood and my fascination for giant carnivores.)

(So while I was in the brig, the pranksters managed to rope in the Chevy twins to project holograms of dinosaurs rampaging all over the base.)

(Prowl is still trying to find out who's responsible while Ratchet's running some kind of tests on the traumatized humans.)

(Welcome to Jurassic Park.)

Rule #159: Cosplaying is not allowed on base.

(But it's fun! Remember my brother's epic Jack Sparrow costume or my Captain Hook costume?)

(Someone decided it would be funny to introduce the Autobots to Hit Man.)

(While I have no idea about this videogame, all I can figure it's a modern day version of Assassin's Creed.)

(And that brought me to cosplay as Edward Kenway from Assassin's Creed: Black Flag.)

(That in turn brought Isaiah, Darren, and Saber Streak into it as well, dressed as Altaïr, Connor, and Ezio respectively.)

(Sam, Miles, and Leo caught me sneaking around performing "assassinations" and they went fangirl on my ass when they realized it was me.)

(Guess they've never seen a female gamer before. :P)

(Prowl looked at me like I lost my damn mind when I ran past a group of soldiers aiming my weapons at them and screaming, "Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!" before running off and hiding in the air shafts before Crimson Flame could get ahold of me to take me to Ratchet for a mental health exam.)

(And I'm sure the medic will get the same results as the past who knows how many mental health exams I've had over the years.)

(Ironhide was kinda confused about it until Lennox explained what I was doing and he Googled it.)

(After that, his pet name for me became his "li'l assassin".)

(I don't mind it coming from him, but if anybody else calls me that, they're going to find themselves waking up in the Med Bay with no recollection of what happened to them.)

(Things started getting real when Saber Streak tried to pull an assassination on Optimus with a hidden blade during a meeting.)

(The sound of tires popping had the entire room in stunned silence before Ratchet caught her and put her under observation before serving time in the brig.)

(For a long time, Darren was running around throwing his tomahawk and swinging it wildly, screaming "Tomahawk chop!" every time it hit something.)

(Isaiah and Darren then decided to "assassinate" Galloway and drowned the man in fake blood.)

(Personally, I think a lot of people were disappointed it wasn't for real.)

(A huge plus was my brother and Darren singlehandedly destroyed a five thousand dollar suit with ten gallons of the very substance I keep getting sent to the brig for.)

(The look on his face still brings me great joy.)

(So yeah, not only was cosplaying banned, but every game anyone cosplayed as.)

(The only loophole is cosplaying behind their backs or at conventions and playing your videogames at home.)

Rule #160: Talking in nothing but movie quotes is banned.

(I just had to get in on this and make it a challenge for anybody feeling up to it.)

(So the next day I came in dressed as the Joker from the Dark Knight. From there, I tried assassinating Galloway with joker cards and screaming "Why so serious?!" at him.)

(The Autobots didn't get it.)

(However, the soldiers got it and laughed.)

(Sunny got involved by showing up as Jack Sparrow and Ratchet immediately picked her up and locked her in the Med Bay. I was fortunate enough to evade him when he heard about my erratic behavior.)

(I even coaxed my brother into the game.)

(The next morning he came onto the base, he went running around dressed in a kilt and covered in blue face paint, carrying an old horse stick toy thing and sword, quoting nothing but Braveheart.)

(The Wreckers immediately caught onto what Isaiah was doing and they proceeded to cackle and shout profanities at him in Scottish and attacked him with their holoforms.)

(Just to spite me, Darren came onto the base wearing a Batman onesie and chased me all over the base.)

(Ratchet and the other medics did eventually catch us and put us through more mental health tests and placed everyone under observation.)

Rule #161: If you act completely normal for a period of time and a prank happens, it will be blamed on you.

(What is with everybody and scare pranks lately?)

(Mikaela got me with a prank based off The Ring.)

(I only know the movie title because I asked.)

(So naturally, I had to get her back.)

(She had been acting normal for, like, a week or so, and it happened.)

(I got a massive tarp hung up over Prowl and Optimus' offices filled with test dummies.)

(Filled to the brim with fake blood and intestines, naturally.)

(When the tarps fell and test dummies rained down on them... I didn't expect them to glitch that badly.)

(Mikaela was pinned with the blame.)

(Mission accomplished.)

(Even better, they never suspected I had anything to do with it.)

(Level up!)

Rule #162: Don't tempt Chief, Ironhide, and Crimson Flame.

(Seriously, don't.)

(They're as bad as Ratchet, but these guys won't throw things at you.)

(And we all know how Crimson Flame reacted when Isaiah decided to go AWOL and made him worry.)

(Since then, Crimson Flame has become Isaiah's partner.)

(Partner being code for never letting Isaiah out of his sight for even a split second.)

(He tried getting away once by hiding in the vents and Crimson Flame turned the base upside down and inside out in his frantic search to find my brother.)

(After that, Crimson Flame had a GPS tracker retrofitted onto my brother's person around his ankle that Isaiah can neither take off or short circuit.)

(Chief is just as bad with me.)

(I understand that he wants to keep me safe and protect me, but still, he tends to take it overboard, but not like Crimson Flame does with Isaiah.)

(Chief even made Ratchet worry about me over me being a teenager looking to do something stupid.)

(Chief rushed me to the Med Bay because a firecracker went off in my hand while I was trying to wake up Galloway with firecrackers and an aluminum garbage can.)

(I didn't have a serious burn or anything, it just stung like I got a hard smack on the wrist.)

(Ironhide took me to Ratchet over a skinned knee because I slipped on the tarmac, acting for all the world like my leg was just hanging on by a thread.)

(It wasn't really bleeding at all.)

(Sometimes Chief will tag team with Ironhide and take turns following me around to keep me out of trouble as I'm prone to getting into.)

(Could somebody talk to these guys and tell them I don't need a chaperone everywhere?!)

Author's Note: For those of you that are interested, here's the link for the patience test:

watch?v=7RCX6tEba1Q#aid=P-gvpjwlYw0

watch?v=38KIVxQ29nc