Rule #163: The chubby bunny challenge is forbidden.

(Ratchet says it's a choking hazard.)

(And I can actually see that, too, so I agree with him on this one.)

(He first heard about the challenge on an unofficial game night.)

(For some reason, he didn't Google it. Instead, he decided to observe the challenge in action.)

(It was okay until there were too many Peeps being shoved into the players' mouths and unintelligible shouts of 'chubby bunny'.)

(Ever the mother hen, he flipped out and lectured us on the dangers of choking like we're dimwitted children.)

Rule #164: Proper dinner etiquette.

(Okay, seriously?)

(We're on a military base putting our lives at risk every day and you're worried we're not keeping our elbows off the table?)

(Looks like someone has their priorities straight.)

(Apparently Mearing complained to Optimus that some people (me, included) had the table manners of a monkey.)

(In case you're wondering, I do have table manners!)

(I just refuse to follow them where elbows on the table, the occasional talking with food in my mouth, and belching is involved.)

(So Mearing arranged to have someone come to base to teach us proper etiquette at the table.)

(Two days later, everyone found the mess hall decked out like a five star restaurant and the etiquette woman was meeting everyone at the entrance.)

(Isaiah saw the getup before I did and made me swear not to make any "Downton Abbey" jokes.)

(It's not like I can, 'cause I don't watch the show. :P)

(So when we made our way to the mess hall, I took one look at the woman's old fashioned attire and I couldn't resist.)

("Aw, shoot, Isaiah.")

("What is it?")

("I left my monocle in my quarters." *troll face*)

(Isaiah whacked me upside the head. "Behave yourself, Frosty.")

("It's so fancy, I'm surprised you're not wearing your spats this evening." XD)

(The woman didn't exactly find my wise ass comments funny. She gave me the evil eye and escorted me to my seat beside Annabelle and her parents.)

(Ladies and gentlemen, I found there is, in fact, a Mrs. Galloway. Someone who is just as much of a hard ass as Mr. Galloway.)

(A match made in Heaven, they are.)

(Not five minutes into learning proper eating habits, I belched.)

(And it wasn't a small, girly one, either.)

(It was one of those manly belches that makes someone wonder what's wrong with you.)

(That etiquette teacher person started looking around for the man that supposedly did that when I giggled and said "excuse me" in the most girly voice I could manage.)

(Epps decided to twist around in his seat behind me and leveled me with a blank expression and shook his head.)

(Then Annabelle decided to burp and the etiquette woman got onto her.)

("Ladies don't burp. Say 'excuse me' after words." She said.)

(Why? Because that's what she said. XD)

("If we aren't allowed to burp, are we allowed to fart and blame the man sitting next to us?" *troll face*)

("No!")

(Geez, this lady needs either a chill pill or have Ratchet surgically remove the stick from her ass.)

(Five minutes later, someone farted. Like, one of those deep, brassy sounding farts that makes everyone clear the room.)

(I couldn't help it. I laughed and unintentionally snorted hot tea.)

(Later on I caught Epps talking about me.)

("The women burp more than the men do! What's wrong with this generation?! I heard a deep burp and thought it was a full grown man then there was this girly voice saying 'excuse me'! It was heartbreaking. I wanted to cry. And it was one of her quieter burps! It was seriously heartbreaking."— Epps, on my utterly masculine sounding belches.)

(Right after he said that, I belched in his ear and cackled. "That's 'cause we ain't flimsy little pansies like you!")

Rule #165: Bath salts are banned.

(I dunno why it would be on the base anyways.)

(And Ratchet says it's a health hazard.)

(After seeing a report on the news about a guy on bath salts eating a man's face off, Ratchet got paranoid.)

(Then he went around burning the stuff.)

(Hey, even if she's in the army, a girl's gotta pamper herself sometimes, right?)

(So I had to ask if bath beads were banned as well.)

(He said they were both essentially the same thing, so yes.)

(I showed up the next day covered in fake blood and running around with a bucket of KFC screaming about being hungry.)

(Guess who got caught?)

(And guess who had to endure a week of mental health exams, psych evals, observation, and a brief round of antipsychotic medication?)

Rule #166: Trolling is not allowed.

(I had nothing to do with this, I swear.)

(Leo and those idiotic Chevy twins decided to play dress up and go trolling people around the base.)

(The twins decided to live up to their ninja fantasies and Leo... he showed up in a black body suit and a mask made out of a cutout from a troll meme.)

(Some people found it funny. Others... not so much.)

(Several hours after the trolling began, there were very Ratchet sized wrenches and surgical saws in the walls, new skylights courtesy of Ironhide, and pissed off people all around.)

(Optimus was clearly getting tired hearing the complaints about trolling ninjas.)

(I took matters into my own hands then and broke out Saber Streak's Ezio costume and went slinking around the base looking for the moronic bunch.)

(So when they found me, Leo pushed my hood off and tried to steal my ponytail holder but ran off screaming when I tried taking him out with a Hidden Blade.)

(Plus it was hard not to hear them coming.)

(Skids be like: "I'm a ninja. Gotta to blend in wit' yo' surroundings.")

(I be like: "I'm an assassin. I can see you coming from miles away, dumbass.")

(And the twins' costumes were the color of their vehicle modes, so I didn't need Eagle Vision to see them.)

(I did catch them and made them preform a Leap of Faith off the roof of the Autobot Hangar.)

(Of course, Ratchet didn't appreciate having the troublemakers sent to him.)

(Optimus and Prowl reprimanded me harshly for the Leap of Faith stunt and wanted me to apologize before sending me to the brig for a few days.)

Rule #167: SpongeBob is so banned it isn't funny.

(But it was funny to watch a random soldier run around base screaming, "I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!")

(Optimus, now quite used to the antics of deranged humans, just sighed and shook his helm at them.)

(The SpongeBob cosplayer even managed to avoid Ratchet and his minions of doom through the vents.)

(Screaming "Are you ready kids?!" no less.)

(The man even did a mad sprint by Prowl's office and made him glitch.)

(I got to see the prank in action when he ran up to me insisting I ordered a Krabby Patty and fries before running off again.)

(The cooks were getting pretty pissed off with the guy asking for Krabby Patties before they finally trapped him and hauled his yellow ass to Ratchet's Med Bay and threw him inside.)

(One week later, nobody's seen the guy in the SpongeBob costume.)

(I'm sure Ratchet's getting some invaluable information from psych evaluations, tests, and observations.)

Rule #168: Don't get competitive with the Autobots. These guys can outdo you every time. Sometimes they'll surprise you and outdo each other.

(Autobots outdoing humans)

(Exhibit A: Hide 'n' Seek time! :D)

(Seriously, I had an epic hiding place...)

(... Hiding behind supplies in the cabinets in the Med Bay.)

(Me, Isaiah, Sunny, Darren, Sam, Leo, and Mikaela decided to play with the Autobots after "borrowing" stealth gear from NEST that would hide our heat signatures from their scanners.)

(It was four hours later that the Autobots realized we were gone.)

(Crimson Flame went into "Over Attached Girlfriend mode" and followed the GPS tracker on Isaiah's ankle, but my brother proved to be harder to catch and obtain visual of.)

(So Crimson Flame went stalking all over the base trying to find my brother.)

(Ratchet eventually found me and berated me for an extra thirty minutes. But under the pain of death, I wouldn't reveal the hiding places of the others.)

(Eventually, Bumblebee's frantic searching paid off and found his charges under the couch in the Rec Room.)

(Leo, Sunny, and Darren had yet to be found.)

(Ironhide found them in his quarters amidst his collection of weapons.)

(How they got up there still remains a mystery to me.)

(Exhibit B: Forts.)

(It was Sunny's turn to watch Annabelle.)

(And since it was storming, they resorted to finding sources of amusement inside.)

(I suggested making a fort out of pillows and blankets like we did growing up.)

(Taking my words to heart, Sunny and Anna went on to build an epic fort using the back of the couch, several recliners, and blankets.)

(Sunny was crushed when Ironhide came along and built a bigger cooler looking fort that made hers look like a shapeless pile of crap on the floor.)

(Ironhide was smug all day when Anna abandoned Sunny to play with him.)

(Exhibit C: Brake checks.)

(The Chevy twins were asking for it.)

(Those idiots nearly made me wreck into Isaiah's truck mode on the highway with their constant swerving all over the road.)

(Ratchet commed me to try and get them in line.)

(So I asked Isaiah what I should do and he managed to help me block them in between us and Hound and several others so they were trapped.)

("Brake check!" and Isaiah and I slammed on the brakes and the idiots ran into our rear bumpers before we tore off down the street.)

(Once we got back to base, we got a wrench upside the head for our trouble and an hour long lecture on how we could've harmed the humans on the road with us.)

(Autobots outdoing Autobots)

(Exhibit A; Combat training.)

(Let's face it: Mirage is a sneaky glitch.)

(Combat training involved trying to flush out Mirage and a number of other scouts.)

(Sounds easy, right? Wrong.)

(My team spent two hours trying to find them, only managing to find two of them.)

(Deciding we needed a new approach, I began jerry rigging a booby trap involving large number of trip wires to throw off the other team and drive them into the actual trap.)

(Not a few minutes later, one of the traps was sprung, catching the mech by his foot and suspending him several feet in the air.)

(Turns out, I caught Mirage. And the sound of hearing him complaining about ruining his paintjob and swearing at me in Italian only made me laugh harder.)

(Even the rest of his team thought it was funny, which in turn gave their positions away.)

(Ha, ha!)

Author's Note: For those of you who are curious to know the inspiration of some of the pranks:

SpongeBob prank:

watch?v=ewUSmXYJarI

Cosplaying prank:

watch?v=vyK31Y6yHlE

Trolling pranks:

(The Troll)

watch?v=pQELOvuSSUE

(Trolling Ninja)

watch?v=ZPqmu2N5azo