Disclaimer: See chapter 1.

AN: This is where we start to really go forward with the stories. A lot going on here. Stay with me.

And I have to be honest. I've been looking at this for 2 months now. Take every mistake with a grain of salt. I just needed to post it and move on.

Chapter 8

Healing and Transforming

(Five weeks after Starfire's leaving, over 8 months since Aqualad's passing, over 2 years since Tokyo and over 3 years since Trigon and Brother Blood)

Five weeks passed. Five very long weeks without Starfire.

During that time, the team faced many challenges.

One week after her departure, Cinderblock escaped from his highly restrictive maximum security prison. The team responded, but Robin held back, locked away in his room. When Cyborg had gone to check on him, he hadn't answered, but all the half mechanical man heard were shouts and calls as Bird Boy pummeled his personal punching bag into submission. After that, Cyborg ruled that no one bother the Boy Wonder; he would come to them when he was ready.

Raven didn't like the idea - she knew what could happen if left to his own personal demons - but respected what Cyborg said.

A few days after they wrestled Cinderblock, Red-X who had been held within police custody waiting to be sent over to Gotham for crimes Batman had uncovered, escaped into a smoky grey cloud of nothing. Without Robin they could barely track him; Raven's powers had almost gone nonexistent (the team believed she had locked up so tightly after hurting Red-X and losing Star that she was refusing to use her powers). Except, Raven knew it was something else, something deeper, and she had barely scratched the surface of what.

The night they had to search for Red-X, a heavy rain coated the streets, leaving Beast Boy's nose hampered by the storm. It washed away all scents and traces of the master thief, leaving the team dejected and defeated. Without Robin, they couldn't locate him and he had gotten away, for the time being.

Three weeks from losing Star, Raven had a nightmare that blew out the west side of the tower; leaving a giant gaping hole within the confines of her room and part of the evidence room. Cyborg was able to patch most of it up within a few days, and Roy was able to assist as he tinkered with tools and lasers to melt metals together, but Robin never left his room. When Beast Boy tried to talk to Raven about the nightmare, she only shook her head and remained silent for two days straight, refusing trainings and contact. Even Roy wasn't permitted to be near her, even though he longed to just hold her; to comfort her. It was clear to the rest of the boys he was falling for the dark mystic - if not clear to her.

But whatever she had seen, she wouldn't share. Cyborg knew eventually she would talk, to him maybe or to Roy perhaps, but he knew she only wanted to talk to the one person she felt connected to on a deeper level, and he wasn't there for her. He knew it would leave a permanent severing of the two birds.

Two days after her nightmare, Raven began to interact with the team and they received a distress call. The local Jump City museum was robbed and a sacred, priceless blood ruby was taken. Everyone assumed it was Red-X when they read the reports at the museum one late night. Raven insisted it was someone else. Without any clues, regardless, they couldn't investigate further; only Robin was really good at finding clues when there was nothing (Cyborg with high tech vision and tools could never find what he did.) But he didn't join them on the patrol. In fact, he never left his room.

During the first three weeks without Star, Arsenal was granted a short excursion to assist Titans West. Without Starfire and Robin the team was at a serious disadvantage; and Steel City was fairing much better after their clean-up spree months prior. Bumblebee had even insisted that Roy remain to keep the team going and then had asked for a private moment with Cyborg during a tele-comm. No one knew what she said to the half machine, but whatever she did boosted his confidence and he began to take control; setting up regular trainings, nightly patrols, and weekly meetings with the Mayor – everything Robin normally did. He seemed to flourish as the leader, stepping into a new role he had been made for – even if he never knew it before.

This also meant Raven began to partake in physical combat trainings like she had discussed with Roy and Robin the first night after Star left; and her powers began to awaken again after their brief disappearance stunt. The battling with Roy and Gar and Vic boosted her confidence in her powers and the new levels she experienced were tenfold. Something inside of her was linked to her self-esteem, and the more she trusted herself, the more she felt, and the stronger and more powerful she became. It was the first time since losing Trigon's presence that Raven felt right.

As the large crimes began to dwindle, for the time being only robberies and car thieves coming across their desks, everyone settled into their new roles. Cyborg continued to lead – and he did so with grace and patience most of the team had never witnessed. His years of growing from an angry teenager to a young adult had matured him to become a formidable leader and invaluable asset to their team. He became their rock and their cheerleader during battles; enough to keep BB focused when battling Cinderblock or to keep Raven pushing forward when she was drained dry of energy.

He wasn't the only one coming into himself.

Raven began handling punches with more skill than previously displayed – though she was still no prized fighter. Her confidence boosted her power levels, and though her powers were temperamental, she was gaining more control – more than she had in a while. Her empathy came back in full force and the abilities to sense auras and read minds were stronger than ever. She had one brief night of not being able to shut her team mates' voices out – or the entire city of Jump – but with coaxing from BB and Roy, two pots of chamomile tea, and soothing hugs from Vic, she learned to re-master her walls. She was finally starting to learn control again and it eased the small bubble of worry in her gut.

Beast Boy began to establish more of a friendship with Tara, when crime sprees didn't keep him in dog form or as a bird flying toward danger. The young woman was still scared, timid, and unable to accept her past life – he was positive she had just forgotten – but she still decided to spend time with him. She laughed at his jokes. She walked to the park and played fetch with him. They talked – about his life, about the Titans, about the fun times in the tower and the not so fun times – Raven's fear getting the best of them came to mind. He knew she didn't remember who he was or what he was to her – he knew she was still leery of him, especially after the first time they met – again. But she was trying. And it was enough for the changling.

The knot of anger – at Robin, at life, at Aqualad for dying, at Star leaving – was lessening as each day progressed for Beast Boy. He was starting to understand Robin's motives, starting to understand the grief of losing Aqualad, even allowing himself to heal over his passing and Starfire going back to her world. He was starting to understand it all. And it lighten his steps, focused him during battles, though a few poorly placed jokes were still of the norm.

The cloud of darkness surrounding him was lifting – even Raven could sense it and it made her sigh in relief for her young friend.

Arsenal found time and renovated a spare room in the tower to be his sleeping quarters and small shop to expand his arrows, though he spent more time sleeping beside Raven. He never did more than lay next to her – but his presence calmed whatever terrors she faced alone in the depths of her mind. He updated his uniform, added more arrows and gadgets to his belt, and began to train in various techniques of fighting – boxing, stealth, using shadows to help him make a new name for himself.

The five weeks were difficult for Roy – trying to fit into a team rebuilding itself and healing without their leader Robin, but he was reinventing himself. And slowly, with support from BB, Cy and Bee he was coming into the new identity and the criminals were beginning to fear him. Raven and he even began a close relationship – what, even he wasn't sure what it was, but he was willing to wait and see where she took it.

Yet with all the constant flow of activity, the changes, the growth that the team tried to do, it wasn't enough to keep everyone from noticing the absence of their alien princess or their resident leader.

Cyborg didn't like reminding himself it had been over five weeks since they had heard from their friend and teammate. By his calculations, he knew it roughly would take three weeks of travel to reach her system; longer if she went around her system to avoid detection. Logically he knew this, but he wasn't happy with it.

Without her, it was hard to keep the team bright and carefree during their trials. BB was trying his hardest and even Raven seemed to indulge him with a few careful smiles, but it just wasn't the same. The team grieved for her and worried for her, but admittedly they banded together to continue on without her. They had hoped that she would be just fine and would return to them.

As it were, without Robin, it made things even harder. Cyborg was taking over with little issues, he had Arsenal to help with the onslaught of crime, and Raven was stepping up as second in command, aiding their team and assisting Cyborg with making calls. He wasn't being arrogant, but everyone had stepped up and handled all the petty crimes and larger city wide issues admirably. He was proud of them all for their work.

For the first night in weeks, the team was together in the common room, Raven and Roy sitting on the couch over a game of monopoly – Vic still didn't know how Roy talked her into playing it, but by the piles of money, her strategic mind was whooping his butt – and BB was sitting at the console, watching a few video clips online that he snickered every so often at; a cat playing chopsticks briefly popped on to the screen that he howled at in laughter. Vic, himself, was fixing a plate of leftover pizza, grilled steak and a few scoops of strawberry ice cream. His system took more fuel to function after his advances and eating was now considered an Olympic sport to the mechanical man.

"Hey Vic, can Tara come over tonight?"

The room went silent, as a piece of pepperoni, sausage, bacon and pineapple saucy covered slice hovered by Victor's mouth. His eyes automatically found Raven's violet orbs and saw the shock and surprise colored there. Even Roy Harper looked confused.

Vic dropped the pizza on to the plate and sighed tiredly. With all their running around and mourning the loss of a friend, or handling the team without their leader, Vic had forgotten to tell Raven of the discovery of Tara. Or their Terra; he still wasn't too sure about her.

It wasn't like BB had brought it up in front of her since they all met her. Raven had been out of town and the next day Starfire was leaving them. There had just been too much happening for him to discuss it with his now second in command. This had been the first time they were all sitting together in a long time, relaxing, not as a superhero team, but as friends. Yet the harshness in Raven's dark eyes was enough to tell Vic he had screwed up by not telling her – badly.

"Who's Tara?" Roy asked, scratching his orange colored skull. His locks were longer, styled into a messy bed-head way that would easily make all other girls swoon – if he so paid attention. Roy liked women but even Vic could see he only had eyes for his little sister. "A friend, or another hero or something?"

"I refuse to answer that one," Raven mumbled, leaning back on to the couch cushions. Her eyes found his again. "Care to explain, Victor? What do you mean Tara is back?"

"She is back!" Gar shouted, ignoring the pang in his side at his outburst. He knew she was back all along, but he had never told the team. It was better if they didn't know anyway. "We saw her out having pizza a few months ago. You were out of town."

"Now, Rae, hear me out," Vic began placing his hands under his chin. As her eyebrow raised he could clearly see the floating expression on her normally calm façade – 'oh yea? Try me.' "We tested samples and they came back inconclusive. She could be the real Tara-"

"Or she's a fake." Raven said resolutely. "Our Tara died, sacrificing herself so we'd live. After, she betrayed us to Slade. Or have we forgotten that?"

"Rae, you gotta be more open minded," Gar sighed, leaning over the console chair. His green eyes were pleading. "She's our Tara, and our Tara was tricked, manipulated by Slade. Just like Robin was poisoned by him. Just like he came after you when big bad daddy showed up. He's that guy Rae."

"But I never fell for his tricks. Nor did Robin." Her chin went higher, daring them to deny her claim. "We were stronger than his lies and Tara refused our help in exchange for his'." She stood abruptly. "I refuse to be in the same house as her. Whether it's really her or not."

She started for the door as Cyborg rubbed his forehead. That could've gone better.

Gar opening his mouth, made it just that much worse. "So, you won't read her mind to tell if it's really her?"

She stopped dead, looking over her frail shoulder at the green man. "Excuse me?"

He stood, unsuspecting of the whirlwind of emotions taking place within the dark woman. She had control, yes. But Raven was still far from perfect. "Yea. Vic said that if science can't figure it out, then maybe magic can? Like you can pull out those memories that's being blocked and see if it's the real her." He made a gesture of a plunger to his head and Raven sighed deeply. It was taking everything in her not to throttle the green man.

"Even if I wanted to help her, Gar, which I don't," she stressed tightly. "I would need her consent. And it's much more than just pulling out memories. I'd have to connect with her, see what she saw, and feel what she felt. Then hope by extracting those memories that have been hidden, it doesn't damage her psyche anymore than it already has been – if it's indeed the real Tara."

There was tense silence. Gar rubbed the back of his head, and screwed his eyes shut. Vic shook his head at the young man. "So that's a no then?"

A cup exploded beside the kitchen sink and Raven glared at her fellow teammate. "What do you think?" She bit out and teleported out of the room in a giant cloud of black magic.

Roy whistled and snorted as Gar groaned loudly. "Good going green man." He jerked a thumb in Raven's departing direction and looked at Vic. "Tara, as in Terra. The one we were briefed on when we first formed? Rock bender? Had a thing for the green dude and Slade?"

"Gar's ex-girlfriend, betrayer of the Titans, Raven's personal enemy now that Jinx is a good guy. Yea, that Tara." Vic chose to ignore the evil eye from Gar on his right. What he said wasn't exactly wrong…

Roy nodded. "Ah." He stood, dusting off his low slung jeans. "I think I'm going to check on Raven. Maybe do some damage control."

Vic snorted loudly. "Good luck bro. I'll keep the first aid kit handy, just for you."

The archer glared. "Funny."

He walked casually through the metal door and Gar sighed. "So is that a no? Or what?"

Raven didn't leave her room in three days since blowing up at Beast Boy.

It wasn't like she was needed. Surprisingly, the city had hit a calm. Statically speaking, it was bound to happen.

And she had other ways of being distracted anyway.

Her lips were swollen, and the apples of her cheeks were painted a fair pink; too little to be noticed if one wasn't looking. But when that person was Roy Harper, a man accustomed to looking at women, and this one specifically, he saw the blush, and the haze of hunger in the dark witch's eyes. They almost glowed with want.

He hadn't meant to start kissing her the night she stormed away from Gar. In fact, he had been nearly ready to run for a cup to protect himself. But she had all but thrown herself into his arms, and her lips had tasted so good - just as good as the first time they kissed - if not better. He couldn't help himself.

And he hadn't stopped since she opened the gates. He didn't want to stop.

Something about her was addicting, tempting, taunting. He wanted all that she offered and more. The young man had never felt that way about any woman - and there had been many - but this one was different. Special. She called to him like a siren to pirates on the open seas. He just prayed she didn't sink him like they did to the retched seamen.

"So," he said slowly, rubbing his bruised lips against hers'. Raven liked to bite, and though his lips were raw, he wasn't complaining. He liked it. "Still think friendship is the best course for us Rae?"

His voice was low, seductive and full of promise. Raven heard it all; heard all the things he wanted, all the things he could show her or do to her. Her body shook with desire. But she heard beneath the confidence, beneath the lust and want, heard the small speck of uncertainty. She had pushed him away at first. Right after Starfire's departure, he had asked her for more. And she had denied him.

She hadn't wanted this – at first. Raven had believed that friendship with Roy – only friendship – was the best thing for them. He was still recovering, now almost eight months since she had found him in that king pin's home, doubled over, yearning for a fix.

And she was still healing. Her best friend was gone. Robin was unreachable. Raven was still processing her powers and her emotions and how they all correlated together. Cyborg and she had been training, with occasional help from Beast Boy (the young green man was actually quite insightful when he wanted to be), and they both believed she was making progress. She was realizing her powers were much more powerful without the constraints the monks had put on her, and becoming easier for her to tap into from constant training.

They both had too much going on in their lives. Wouldn't a relationship complicate things?

"Friendship," she repeated, pulling away enough to look into his burning amber orbs. She needed space to think. His eyes made her feel as if she were on fire. As if she was being consumed by the raw element. "Roy-"

He kissed her again. She should've been expecting it; Roy wasn't one to give up so easily. But why did he want her as badly as it appeared? Wasn't she just another conquest?

But this kiss wasn't like the one they just shared. Those had been lust, devouring each other, hands running the courses of their bodies, soft moans coming from their mouths. This kiss – this sensual kiss – still made her toes curls and her body melt, but there was a longing there. A longing from Roy; he was trying to convey to her, without words but by his actions of how he felt.

Raven tasted it and felt it with every inch of her body. Roy cared for her – deeply. She wasn't another conquest. Their relationship wouldn't hinder their growth and healing; if anything, Raven surmised, perhaps it would help them.

But still. She didn't know if that next step was wise.

The kiss didn't last very long, but Raven could barely breathe when he pulled back. He searched her eyes, looked for a clue that she understood what he had been trying to tell her. Anything.

"So?"

Smiling softly, Raven leaned forward, one palm resting snuggly against his chest; right over his heart. She felt it thump under her touch an erratic beat, making her smile grow. "Time, Roy. Time and Patience."

It wasn't a yes. But his smile blinded her.

Raven leaned in the doorway of the main room, watching the lone figure sit at the counter, twirling a tumbler of something brown between his calloused and scarred hands. He wasn't dressed in a uniform, nor was he wearing his sunglasses to hide behind; he was simply dressed in a white t-shirt and a pair of low slung dark jeans, almost bleeding into the shadows that clung to the common room.

She had only wanted a cup of tea; Roy having retreated to his room just minutes earlier. She hadn't meant to walk in on him sitting so carelessly at the counter. In fact, she had been so preoccupied with her thoughts, she had almost missed him.

Not like that was hard to do. She had given up any hope of ever seeing him again.

He didn't act as if he saw her. He didn't act as if he noticed anything, but Raven knew her leader. He observed everything. He knew how many cobwebs were hanging in the corners of the tower and how many times Beast Boy had trained that week or how many donuts Cy had devoured last Tuesday. Robin knew everything and Raven respected him for that.

"Sitting in the dark doesn't become you, Robin." Raven said slowly, baiting him. They hadn't spoken since the morning before Star left, almost six weeks ago. He had remained quiet, aloof, healing in the solace of his office and bedroom. And she had let him; because Cyborg had asked her to, and BB had begged her to, and Roy had distracted her away from him.

And she didn't run to him after her nightmare that had almost destroyed the home they lived in. Even though she desperately wanted to. She left him have his space. She let him mourn without her.

But they had never gone so long without speaking before.

"I was trained by Batman. Dark is what I'm used to."

She glided closer to him, rustling in her black jeans and dark t-shirt. Her feet were bare and barely made a noise crossing the distance. "I'm half demon, and I still don't sit in the dark alone, in the kitchen." She pointedly stared at the brown liquid in the cup, Robin refusing to meet her eyes. "Whiskey?"

"Bourbon." He shifted the glass on the countertop. "I've been sitting here for a few hours. I haven't taken a sip."

Raven nodded; she believed him. Robin didn't drink. He was too in control, too rigid to allow alcohol to consume his mind and body when he might be needed. Even if he wasn't leading them. Oh how Raven wished for her old leader and friend back. "Arsenal might consider this alcohol abuse, not drinking perfectly good liquor on a quiet night."

Rolling his eyes, his pushed the glass away. "Yeah, I'm sure Arsenal says a lot of charming things." He stood up, hands clenching at his sides. "I'm heading to bed."

Walking stiffy, about to leave Raven in the darkness alone, she reached out for him. Her cool hand landed on his hot shoulder and he halted, as if glued to his spot. "Robin-"

"Isn't Roy waiting for you?" He bit out, shrugging her hand away.

Raven narrowed her eyes, as if bitten from a wounded animal. She held her hand close to her chest, eyes flaring with fire. "Since when have my personal relationships ever mattered to you?" That old blossom of something – crush, infatuation, whatever it was – panged within her chest. Something in her wanted him to care. That something was hoping that Robin would say something – anything – to make her understand.

Perhaps make her understand that she wasn't alone in her original feelings. Perhaps he felt the same.

And suddenly it clicked why she didn't want to rush anything with Roy.

She still held out hope that Robin would want her; even if that hope was misplaced.

Sighing, Robin rubbed a hand through his locks, the longer pieces falling into his sky blue orbs. Shrugging, he opened up his arms, face unreadable. "I'm sorry. I'm just lashing out. I'm glad you and Roy are seeing each other." Smiling lightly, Robin placed a comforting hand on Raven's shoulder. "You deserve happiness Rae. And if Roy can give that to you, then I'm happy." He gripped her collarbone before pulling away in what Raven assumed was a gesture of friendship. How did he know about Roy and her? Even she hadn't officially started to date him. Was it that obvious of his intentions? "I just miss Star. It's been weeks and we still haven't heard anything. I'm worried about her and I…miss her."

That blossom of something crashed into the pit of Raven's stomach, making the lungful of air trapped there for a moment, before she swallowed against the pain. Against the disappointment. Of course Robin was only lashing out. He was going through separation from the woman he truly cared for – truly loved. It was silly and disrespectful for Raven to have wanted or assumed otherwise.

She made a decision then, to truly let go of whatever she felt for with Robin and to move on to finding happiness with Roy.

"I know Robin," she replied, voice going distant even as she continued to stare at him. "It's been a tough few weeks." Her voice lowered. "I miss her too."

Nodding, Robin let a small part of his insecurities show. "I didn't think I would. At least this much. She felt like my other half, someone I could talk to. Someone that always made me see the good in everything. She kept a lot of things in perspective for me." Glancing to Raven, he caught her eye and smiled sheepishly. "I really love her, I guess."

Had it been so long, that Raven had been considered the confident? Not Starfire?

The ache in her chest didn't appease, even as she shifted her weight, clasping her hands in front of her. Fleetingly, she wished for a cup of tea to hold; anything really, to take her mind off the ache behind her breastbone. "You do love her Robin." The words were little wisps of whispers in the night. "And I'm sorry you lost such a close friend, not only lover. But if I've learned anything, Starfire loves you too." Her voice turned harder, more firm with each passing word. "And she will return when she's able."

Nodding, he absorbed her words. "You're right. I just have to keep hope alive."

"As you said," she spoke, turning away from him. "I'm the most hopeful person alive." Her voice was dripping in sarcasm, although they both knew she was speaking truthfully. Raven was the most hopeful out of everyone they had encountered; a quality most would reserve for the alien princess, most likely queen, which had left them. "If I believe there's hope still, that Starfire will return, then it's worth holding on to."

Robin smiled, snorting to himself as Raven headed to the entrance. He hung back, watching her move until he called out. "He does make you happy, right Rae? Roy, I mean."

Thinking the question over, Raven glanced back at her leader. The man that had believed in her cause, believed in her; who had rescued her from her self hatred, her destiny, her father. He was older now, more mature. He was no longer the fourteen year old teen with a quick temper and a giant chip on his shoulder – though both of those traits could still be seen. He was wiser, controlled, coiled together in a perfectly trained body and more than above average intelligence. He was her first best friend, and quite possibly her first infatuation.

And he was asking her if another man made her happy. Though they didn't have their link anymore – because Raven could not and would not feel what Robin felt for Star because no matter how much she would move on from him, it hurt too much to actually feel his love for her best friend – they were still friends. They were still teammates. And Raven had to be content with at least having something rather than nothing with him.

"He makes me smile, Robin." Her lips twitched, crossing her lean arms over her chest lightly. "He makes me feel. He makes me want to be more. He believes in me. And he truly cares for me." She cocked her hip, eyes trailing off into the distance, one finger tracing the pattern of her lips as she thought of Roy's lips on them. Robin was captured by the sight she made, even in the shadows.

He had only recently saw Raven as she was; a beautiful, young, sultry woman, with curves that women dreamed about, with the toned dancer's body models aimed for. Her eyes were wide and showed her keen wit, or a spark of mischief when the mood would strike her. Her lips were pouty and looked soft. She wasn't just the runaway teen he had encountered on the streets of Jump, with stringy purple locks, and a cloud of hurt surrounding her; she was a powerful woman, with a big heart, and the shoulders that supported every team member in the tower, in some way. How had he'd never seen it until now?

"Happiness is intrigued by him," she said, referring to the personifications inside her psyche that the monks had created with her; so as to better control and deal with her powers, logically. "She gets excited when he's around. So I would say, yes, he does make me happy. Though, I'm still new to all of this, I could be wrong."

Something in her refrained from telling him - her leader and friend - that she was not with Roy, at least officially. She couldn't bring herself to say it.

Walking closer, bringing a scent of cologne and clean cotton with him, Robin gripped her hands, smiling softly. "Rae, you're happy." He paused, searching her eyes. "I can see it. There's a change about you. And it suits you."

Nodding, with a slight smirk on her face, Raven pulled from him and shrugged. "Then I guess I am. You know me better than most, Robin." She cleared her throat. "She'll come back."

"I know," he responded, still staring at her. The intensity was unnerving to the dark goddess. She shifted slightly, almost uncomfortably. But she refused to give in.

"Good. Then I'll be on my way."

Turning on her heel, Raven exited the common room, leaving her leader to his thoughts.

AN: Next chapter has already been written and will be posted shortly. I just didn't want to give out a 30 page chapter. Blah.

We see how things are turning, progressing? It's fun. If not a bit sadistic of me to their relationships. But that's life.

Let me know how this is going.

Peace