After much preparation over the last month, Artemis Fowl II was almost ready to impersonate a wizard. He had read through all of the files Foaly had on the wizarding world, finished his degree in Warlockry, and even had his manor updated to a more magical version. (The animated guardian suits of armor had gotten into the habit of saluting Butler whenever he was making his rounds.)
For his 16th birthday, he had gotten a wand from Foaly which was guaranteed to behave like a real one, and to pass any magical tests as if it were genuine. Special crystals lined its interior and they gathered and focused the magic power which emanated from its core, a mix of a dragons heartstring, unicorns hair, and ground up acorns which had been used to perform the ritual. The outside was oak, the most magical of trees, and between the wood and crystals was the magic/circuitry hybrid which allowed magic to be used by someone without any. It was programmable and could be made to mimic any spell that wizards could cast, mimic any spell that the People could use, and could even be used to create a few new spells that human wizards hadn't come up with yet. (Voice activated of course.)
Foaly had also given him the basic textbooks for all seven school years at Hogwarts, and as a courtesy, already had programmed the first years spells inside. Artemis would have to do the rest himself.
"Is the background fully set up?" Asked Artemis as he endured Foaly's technicians attaching all sorts of meters and devices to him.
"Yup! You and your family now appear to have owned and lived in a small obscure castle in Russia for generations, with both Russian and Irish citizenships, and the Manor being your family's vacation getaway. Both all magic'd up to appear genuine. All the necessary memories have been altered to give you a history, and records changed to make it genuine. The castle is located next to a very small town and it wasn't too difficult to make them think that your family has lived there for centuries. Humph, I knew that the castle would come in handy someday…"
Foaly pauses and looks at the mess of wires connecting Artemis to his devices. He nods approvingly, and motions the team of Warlocks over. "Now then, we will be doing this procedure to your parents later on, after we make sure that it works on you." He explains as the warlocks raise their hands and begin chanting, drowning out the sounds of a chattering squirrel which is perched on a tree branch outside of the main sitting room.
"You are very lucky you know, this wouldn't be possible if you had different ancestors. After all, we cant make you pureblooded. We can only trick the universe into thinking the you are a different kind of pureblood. Heh, we could even make it seem like you were a pure fairy. You wouldn't look like one, but all scanners and tests would say you were. Of course that would require hundreds of wizards, luckily we only need ten to change you from pure human muggle, to pure human wizard." Foaly is intently peering at the readouts now as the chanting suddenly grows louder. A soft pale blue light is suddenly surrounding Artemis, and it slowly changes colour until it is a rich vibrant dark green. The chanting dies off and the aura fades away.
"Excellent, it appears to have worked perfectly."
Artemis sighs and stands up, unattaching the wires and electrodes. "It will be annoying to speak English with a Russian accent all of the time, but I can manage. When shall I meet with your spy?"
"The meeting has been arranged for halfway through December, we will let you know of the specifics as the date approaches. This will give you plenty of time to start adding extra spells to your wand, and read through all of the books we have placed in your library. You will also want to visit 'your' castle in Russia, so that you know your way around. The excuse for being in Ireland instead of Russia will be that your father has angered someone and your family is staying away from Russia until things are safe. We will select someone suitably important to give the fake memories to later."
Artemis nods, "We will have to have some means of obvious income, I trust that you have thought of how to solve this problem?"
"Yes, although it was tricky convincing the council to allow it. We have numerous business which are owned by the People, but the workers are unaware of who pays their paychecks. We have acquired them over the years through many different ways. We shall be setting things up so that it appears as if your family owns several of them. The council was not pleased with any of this because this will presumably be a long term operation, and your descendants may even choose to take up this task. Thus it is basically as if we were giving you another ton of gold, and a free castle."
Foaly looks ashamed at what he next has to say, "The only reason they agreed to this, was because I promised that you would pay for the value of the castle, and give them half of any profits made by the business for as long as you were pretending to be a wizard. Be thankful that I could bargain them down from you paying the full value of every business and giving them all of the profits for as long as any Fowl was pretending to be a wizard, and you do get to keep the castle." He finishes defensively, looking as if he would storm off if a word of protest was voiced.
An angry look briefly passes over Artemis's face after hearing how much he will have to pay, but then he relaxes and looks resigned. "Tis only money my friend, and I suppose you did your best. I will pay them in two weeks. I will also at that time give them the money that will be changed into wizarding currency and placed in my vault. Now, lets talk of something more pleasant, you won't be above ground for much longer and I wish to take advantage of your presence. I'm sure you have a list of ideas on what I might need as a wizard, and many theories to discuss…"
Two moths later - Outside of the Leaky Cauldron…
It is a dreary day outside as snow falls from the sky in spurts. It seems that it just waits for someone to look up, hoping that it has finally stopped, only to dump a handful right down their clothes.
A small figure is bundled up so much, that any distinguishing features about them are entirely lost. This very short person makes their way over to a small shop where the sign proclaims it to be the 'Leaky Cauldron.' He reaches up to grasp the door handle and enters as quickly as he can.
Some errant snow swirls around him as he makes his way over to the bar and begins to shed some of his excess coats. "Hey Tom, two Butterbeers please." And he hands over a few coins.
"Two Mr. Flitwick? I suppose you're meeting someone then." Tom says with a questioning tone.
"Yes, I'm afraid I wont have time for my usual meal today."
"Well alright then, so the students driving you crazy yet?"
"Unfortunately because of the Yule ball, most of them are staying over this Christmas. Its maddening the things they do when they don't have school to distract them. Girls giggling like mad everywhere, snowball fights at the slightest provocation, I'm just glad I don't have to try and teach them when they are in this mood."
"Well at least you can escape it for a little while most days."
Some merry drinker and his friends get Toms attention and he goes to get them more drinks, leaving Flitwick to contemplate who he is about to meet face to face for the first time.
The one who stole fairy gold, the notorious human child who stopped the goblin rebellion, and defeated Opal Koboi twice! The boy who nearly exposed us all to the humans, the infamous Artemis Fowl. He shudders, and not from the cold.
I should have never signed up to be a spy, oh sure, I get to be above ground for most of the time, but now I have to deal with an evil genius. Sigh, well maybe it won't be so bad, he is supposed to be quite nice now…
A car, a rented black Japanese import, slows to a stop outside of a small dirty looking pup, with a hand lettered sign above it. Artemis Fowl looks down at a piece of paper as if to make sure that this is the correct address, disregarding the fact that he has already memorized the location. "A bit dingy looking, but perhaps its looks will improve once I am inside. I will give you a call when I am finished Butler, and don't worry, I have Gwen ready to come out at the first sign of trouble. Keep track of which sets of equipment continue to work and send out signals, I will need to know just how much fey magic is needed for technology to work. See you in a few hours old friend" Artemis says with his usual calmness. He gets out of the car, then waits for Butler to begin driving away, and then walks into the Leaky Cauldron.
There are all sorts of odd looking people inside, and the vast majority of them, even the men, are wearing robes. He can immediately pick out whom his contact is simply by his short stature, and so makes his way towards Flitwick and takes a seat next to him at the bar. Artemis then mutters in Gnommish in a low voice to Flitwick, "I thought Foaly was joking when he mentioned the robes."
Flitwick turns around with a start, and barley manages to avoid falling off his chair. When he is firmly seated again he speaks in Gnommish in a equally low voice, "Nope, luckily for you, the fashion in Russia is more like a tunic with flowing pants. Basically a robe shortened up to your groin and pants that look vaguely like a skirt, if you sewed the two legs together. The Russians prefer it because it makes it easier to fight in duels, and it makes it that much easier to not attract attention from muggles. So don't worry, I have the needed details via Foaly, and we will be fitting you for clothes shortly. Would you like a Butterbeer? They are a common drink and you will have to get used to them anyways. It's quite good, don't worry."
Flitwick gestures to the remaining bottle, and takes a swig of his own which is now only half full. "We can go as soon as you are finished."
Even though Artemis knows that it is Flitwick's job to get him acclimatized to living like a wizard, he still feels slightly resentful that he is being urged to consume a drink which likely will prove unhealthy, and probably will taste awful. But when he takes a hesitant sip he is pleasantly surprised. It has a smooth texture, a creamy taste, and while he wouldn't consume them by the dozen, he would not mind having one on certain festive occasions. But it is definitely not healthy, at least I got that much correct. He thinks to himself as he quickly drinks the rest.
Oh, well. Christmas is coming up, I suppose a little indulgence is allowed.
Flitwick finishes his own drink off almost as rapidly, and then begins to pull on his coats once more.
The back alley is dirty and garbage has collected in the corners where wind has blown it to, but the brick wall is clean and free of any graffiti. Artemis is watching everything carefully now, ready for any surprises magic might throw at him.
Flitwick goes over to the wall, points, and says, "Tap this brick with your wand, and it will open up. It's the same brick every time, they never change it." Artemis goes over and dubiously taps the brick, feeling a bit silly. But as the bricks begin to fold away and shift themselves into a doorway, he decides that he will have to get over the feeling of silliness, since otherwise he will never manage to do anything. After all, by all reports, they ride around on broomsticks, and some even have pet toads!
On the other side he can see numerous witches and wizards going about their daily business, shopping, meeting with friends or haggling over the price of powdered bat ears. He follows Flitwick and is lead straightaway to a shop that proclaims itself to sell 'Clothing of the finest quality and cut.'
Inside he is introduced to Madame Malkin and she is told by Flitwick that, "This is a good friend of the family's, and he has never been to Diagon Alley before, never been in London before to be precise. He doesn't have much in the way of decent clothes since he has had to move to Ireland quite suddenly, so we will be needing quite a few outfits from you today Madame."
"But of course Flitwick, and how are you doing by the way? I have heard all about the Yule ball happening at Hogwarts and I must say, it sound like it will be fabulous! Your dress robes are all ready, and you will look quite dashing in them if I do say so myself. Come, you must look at the finished robes before you pay me, I added a little something which I thought you would like, but I just want to be sure you like it."
She leads them to a small room at the rear of the store, all the while talking of the latest gossip that she has heard. Artemis just gives Flitwick a odd look and says in a heavily accented English, "Dress robes? Yule ball?" Artemis notes that Flitwick at least has the good grace to be embarrassed that he has to wear what can only be a masculine dress. They then survey the creation that Malkin has come up with.
It is a dark blue robe with a pearly sheen to it, and has light blue embroidery in shifting patterns along the edges. "I decided to add in the embroidery so that it would give a bit of depth to the robes, the side patterns will make you look a bit taller." She proclaims, looking at him for his reaction. Flitwick, due to his excellent training, brings a smile of joy to his face and reassures her that it looks just fabulous. "Now, if we could help out my young friend here…"
"Oh, but of course, how rude of me. Come this way and I will take your measurements." As she gathers up the robe and leads them to the fitting room, Artemis says in Russian, in a very deadpan voice, "It is very pretty." Flitwick just gives him a glare, as Artemis tries to hold back a chuckle.
After much measuring and examining of fabrics, Artemis now had a new outfit. Thanks to some fast magical tailoring, he had something more wizardly to wear, and the rest of his orders would be completed shortly and sent to his manor in Ireland.
He was currently wearing a set of plain black clothes, the Russian style tunic and pants. They were of a rich fabric and seemed to absorb the light. He also had a set of black Dragon-hide boots, since loafers were unfortunately not very wizard-like.
The other outfits were a combination of plain sets of clothes like the ones he wore now, in various colours, and some fancier clothes which would have some embroidery and his family crest. He also had a few cloaks, some plain, and some with exotic furs and materials. Later on he planned on having them heavily enchanted to resist spells, and even put some dragon hide between the layers of cloth for more protection. He certainly didn't want to get hit by a spell in the back.
As they walked out of the clothing shop, Flitwick mentions to Artemis, "She is a notorious gossip so soon all will know that there is a young Russian who was very suddenly displaced from his home, that should help later on with the credibility of your story."
Now that Artemis looked the part, Flitwick began to show him around Diagon Alley. Their next stop was at a luggage shop and Flitwick pointed out the one which had been purchased for him with his agreement, his own money, and had been set aside. It already contained the more basic and large magical items which had also been bought for him.
It was the official Auror model with seven compartments, each accessed with its own key. He and Flitwick were careful to only take a look inside when the shop owner was away dealing with another customer.
The first compartment contained some books which were not the sort to be found on a common library's shelf, the second had a complete set of Potions equipment, and the most basic of ingredients.
The third compartment had a note in it saying 'Some clothes could go here, just a suggestion - Foaly' and it also had a shimmery set of invisibility cloaks turned into clothes. There was a shirt, gloves, pants, shoes and a hood, all which were made to be a bit big on Artemis since he still had a few years of growing left to do. Then they would fit perfectly, and even be tight enough to be worn under regular clothes. Genetic analysis had been able to tell Foal almost exactly how tall Artemis would get.
The fourth section had some fairy technology inside, such as camfoils, neutrino's, listening devices, visual bugs, medipacks, and a few other things that could come in handy for a spy. "Thanks Foaly" Comments Artemis softly, as he mentally catalogs everything he sees inside.
The fifth part had only a broomstick, latest model, and a book that said on its cover, 'How to fly a broom.' Upon seeing his dubious expression Flitwick commented, "Unfortunately since you wont ever be able to Appairate or create a Portkey, you will have to get used to using one of these." Artemis sighs and closes the lid to look at what is in the next few compartments.
The next two however have nothing inside of them, and Artemis comments to Flitwick in Gnommish, "That last one is practically a room. It will be great if I ever have to hold someone prisoner for a brief while. Well, everything we agreed upon seems to be here, and even a few extra gadgets that Foaly must have sneaked in under Sool's nose. It looks like I won't have to do much shopping today." They then get the shopkeepers attention again, and sign for the trunk. He shows them how to activate certain wards so that not anyone can open it up, such as setting a password. The keys are also apparently resistant to duplication, and easily enchanted by the user if they want more protection than what is already there.
After all of that, Artemis shrinks down the trunk and follows Flitwick some more. He visits many more shops just so that he knows where they are and what they contain, as well as having the few his family "Owns" pointed out to him. He doesn't do much in the way of purchasing until he comes to the Apothecary. Artemis says in his now customary accented English, "Let us stop in here for a bit, I plan on practicing potions extensively and vill need some other ingredients than vat I already have." He then heads on inside without waiting for an answer.
There is a musty and cloying scent inside and as Artemis heads to the back where the more valuable ingredients are kept, he idly notices that there is only one other person in the shop. A tall man with long dark hair dressed in bland black robes. As he starts to gather what he wants based on a mental list of the ingredients of which potions he wanted to try first, Flitwick catches up to him and says, "Will you need any help Artemis?"
"It vould be appreciated if you vould gather up 15 ounces of Dire-volf saliva, and 50 grams of powdered Lamaia poison."
As Flitwick turns away to begin looking, a cold voice stops him, "Professor Flitwick? I did not know you had an interest in Potions."
As Artemis looks up, Flitwick squeaks out, "Professor Snape!"
"I, uh, am showing around a, um, friend of the family. He wanted to stop in here for supplies. Um, Artemis," Flitwick gestures between the two, "This is one of my colleagues Professor Snape. He teaches Potions at Hogwarts. Severus, this is Artemis Fowl II." Flitwick then falls silent with the uncomfortable feeling of being between two cats, as Snape and Artemis size each other up.
Artemis decides to be civil despite an instant disliking of Professor Snape, and he hopes that the dislike is not obvious as he coolly says, "A pleasure to meet you sir. I've heard you are one of the best Potion Masters living, almost makes me vish I'd gone to Hogvarts." Artemis then tilts his head slightly in feigned deference.
As he looks up again and makes eye contact with Snape, Artemis feels a odd sensation in his mind and knows that Snape is trying to use Legilimency on him. I really hope that whatever the People did in there to stop my mind from being read actually works. After a few seconds the odd sensation stops and Artemis sarcastically says, "Find anything interesting?"
Snape just stares at Artemis for a second before replying in a dry tone, "Impressive defenses for one so young, most people never even notice my intrusions, let alone repel them." Snape then glances at the ingredients Artemis has managed to gather so far, "If you are planning on making the Polyjuice potion, try adding in three drops of crocodile tears right after the boomslang skin." Severus Snape then glides out of the potion shop, briefly stopping to pay for his purchases.
Artemis turns to Flitwick and says, "He is not very likeable, but I think I vill take his advice when it comes to potion making." Reaching out, he adds a small vial of crocodile tears to his pile.
A few more shops go by without anything of interest occurring, and then they reach Gringotts. Flitwick grins at Artemis and says, "Heh, lets go in and give the guys working there a scare shall we? Besides, you will probably want to do some fiddling with your account, since I'm sure that you went over all of the options available before you came here. You also might want to refill that bag of yours with some more gold, given that you bought a few expensive books and many potion ingredients. We still have to get you a familiar, and there might be something of interest in the more, ahem, shady areas."
"Sound like a fine idea, lead the vay Flitvick." Artemis suppresses a grin because he knows that the so called 'goblins' working at Gringotts will react even more amusingly if he enters grim-faced.
As they enter, Artemis takes a few seconds to admire the impressive artwork done on the vaulting ceilings. "I'll be waiting for you by the doors." Flitwick says, leaving Artemis on his own.
As he crosses the floor, the predicted reaction occurs in every 'goblin' who comes near. They first do a double take, sometimes with a startled "Eep!", then they briefly hope that whom they just saw was their imagination, and when they realize that he is for real, they hurriedly bow and murmur things such as, "A pleasure to meet you." "I didn't know you were arriving today." "Hope you are enjoying your first visit here."
Then they go off as fast as they can without seeming to rush, to tell everyone else that apparently today is the day the infamous Artemis Fowl first visits Diagon Alley. Because even though they are spies, they are still ordinary elves who followed the news of his exploits avidly.
As Artemis reaches the far desks where more important business is dealt with, the goblin sitting behind the most important desk get up and walks over to them, ignoring everyone who is in line. "Ah, welcome. I did not expect to see you today sir. Welcome to the London Branch of Gringotts. The head of the bank has just finished eating lunch and will be happy to see you right away. Please follow BronzeAxe, he will lead you to the Directors offices." He motions to a goblin standing slightly behind him.
As Artemis is lead away, he notices with satisfaction the reaction this is causing in several people who were waiting in line to meet with the Director, and several people simply standing around waiting for something or other. Most are confused as to why some youth is getting stares from the goblins and preferential treatment. Some are speculating madly amongst themselves as to who this boy was and how they might profit from it. Some were simply mad that he didn't even have to wait in line to see the Director.
One particular tall, richly dressed blond man is all three. So he leans over to snag a goblin that is passing by where he is standing in line. "Who is that boy who just caused such a commotion?" He demands more than asks.
"Why it was Artemis Fowl, and I can't believe I actually got to see him in person." The poor unfortunate goblin answers excitedly, only then noticing who had collared her. She then starts trying to stammer out an apology for her rudeness. The man sneers and lets go, trying to think of any local purebloods with the name of Fowl and failing.
After making sure he is noticed at the bank, the next stop is to get a familiar. Artemis enters the pet shop with dread, and is rewarded by the smell of animal dung and rotting food. As he and Flitwick make their way around, they are assaulted by the noise of a few dozen owls screeching, a handful of cats yowling, and a chorus of toads croaking away in a large tank. There are also a few more exotic animals, such as a couple of snakes, and some large spiders.
While Flitwick is distracted by a few cute kittens, Artemis notices one large owl near a corner who seems to not be hooting like the rest of them. This one is a massive, stately looking one, who manages to look dignified while ignoring the loud owls next to it. He is a dark shade of black with silver-white highlights on the tips of his wings. "I'll bet you vould prefer a quieter place to live, vouldn't you." Artemis says half to himself while looking at the owl. To his surprise, the owl nods and give a low hoot. "Vell then I think I vill take you." Artemis remarks, and then holds out his arm. The owl gives him a look-over, and then accepts, leaping from his perch to Artemis's arm. When he reaches the till, the shopkeeper says, "Sorry bout the noise, someone came in a while ago and upset them all, and now it's gonna take them hours to be quiet. That will be 7 galleons and 3 sickles." Artemis then has to drag Flitwick out, away from the kittens.
Once they are breathing fresh air once again, Artemis turns his head to the owl and says, "As long as you don't go to the washroom while on me, I don't think I vill have any objections to you traveling vith me. But if you cannot obey that one simple rule, then I'm afraid you vill henceforth be transported in your cage. Vill you have any objections if I name you Loki after the Norse god of mischief and chaos?" When the owl simply ruffles his feathers and hoots once, Artemis says, "I'll take that as a no. Loki, my name is Artemis Fowl the Second. This is a friend, Professor Flitvick."
Introductions made, they head off to visit the last of the regular shops. Then when that is done, Flitwick says seriously, "All right, now we will be visiting the shops in Knockturn Alley. Now would be a good time to have all of your protections up at full power."
"Vell in that case, Gwen, time to play!" Artemis speaks softly. As a dark mist appears and begins to take form, Artemis reassures Flitwick, "Don't vorry, Gwen is very nice. Now Loki, this is Gwen, she vill never hurt you unless you attack me for no reason. Gwen, this is Loki my new owl. Be nice to him. Now ve are heading into a dangerous area, so be on guard Gwen. Oh, and Loki, my shoulder is starting to get tired, you are very heavy. Vould you mind flying for a vile? Thank-you." As the odd group begins to go down the dark alley, Flitwick finds himself wondering where the panther came from, and how Artemis managed to get it in the first place.
They visit many dank and dark shops, with all sorts of barely legal items, but nothing seems to catch Artemis's eye. The few other people in the alley notice the rich youth, but decide not to bother him or try to steal from him when they catch sight of the panther silently walking beside him. The only time Artemis purchases something is in a small shop selling good quality, small magical items. He buys a ring that changes colour when near poisons and other drugs, and he buys a small pair of glasses which let the wearer see traces of magic.
When they are finished shopping and looking around, they make their way back to the Leaky Cauldron. Artemis briefly steps outside to call Butler, and then goes back inside for a brief Butterbeer, and to finish up his conversations with Flitwick. When he finishes getting as much information out of Flitwick as possible about the habits and unconscious actions of today's wizard. He drains the last of the Butterbeer, looks at his watch, and makes his way outside again. Butler is there so Artemis climbs in the car, introduces Loki, and settles in for the ride.
Time to plan my next moves…
AN : Sorry about the long delay, I couldn't bring myself to write anything until now. Things are at least starting to happen now. And hopefully I will one day be able to conquer my bad habit of over-explaining things while writing a story. Hopefully my next chapter will take less time to write, and thanks in advance for pointing out any mistakes. (This one is nice and long, so it should have tons of mistakes and problems.)