Welcome back! Thank you guys so much for all of the reviews, follows, and favourites. I know it's probably getting old/repetitive, but you guys really are AWESOME, and I truly appreciate all of your support!
To the guest reviewer who now hates almost every character in this story (and anyone else who may be in a similar boat), I appreciate your feedback, and understand how you arrived at your conclusions. However, if you're still reading this, I think you'll find that as the story progresses, the reason for each character's behaviour is revealed. I mean, I didn't just write them this way for the hell of it! Traci's motivation/motive in particular is pretty BIG (in my opinion anyway). That said, there's a lot more to this story than you guys currently know and, although I could be wrong, I don't think most of you will see Traci's "reason" coming. At least, not at this point. I hope! So, hopefully you hate the characters a little less when/if you reach that point, although if you really want Luke/Andy and Traci/Dex to be together, sorry to burst your bubble but you're going to be disappointed. But again, I appreciate the feedback!
Anyway, I hope you guys continue to let me know what you think because I love hearing your thoughts!
Correction from a comment made in the last chapter: It's the chapter after this one that I think/hope you'll like. I forgot that the whole Jerry thing wasn't originally written into the last chapter, which means this chapter was just added in and bumped everything else back.
As for the rating of the story, I'm currently still debating on whether or not to change it. Feedback wasn't unanimous, so I'm going to give it some more thought before making a final decision, but to be fair I may end up going the middle-ground route (whatever that is). If you haven't given your thoughts on a T vs. M rating, feel free to do so. Thanks!
Recap: Andy wakes up in the hospital after having been shot in the back of the head – she soon discovers that she's suffering from severe memory loss and can only remember the events from the day of the accident. Andy's drawn to Sam, but is confused to learn that she's engaged to Luke, a man that made a really bad "first" impression on her. While at a scene, Sam buys a stuffed animal poodle that reminds him of his conversation with Andy at the hospital. He also promises her that he'll be at the hospital when she wakes up, even though he's had enough experience as a cop to know that things can always come up last minute. In the end, Sam is just barely able to keep his promise, but things quickly become tense with Andy. Although they manage to smooth things over, Luke tries to throw a wrench into the mix when he asks a nurse to restrict Sam's visitor access... The doctors notify Andy that she can start walking, so she gets Sam to accompany her. In the process, Sam almost kisses her - more than once - the most obvious and closest time being the last one. Andy is left completely confused when Sam suddenly backs off and pretends he's trying to examine her head injury instead. Andy is released from the hospital and is shocked to discover that she lives with Luke. Terrified, she texts and calls Sam for help, but in the end, still has to face Luke... She ends up falling asleep that night to Sam's voice on the phone. Luke takes Andy to The Penny, but she finds herself overwhelmed. Sam takes her to see her dad and then Frank. While at the station, Andy overhears Jerry talking on the phone and learns that Sam is going on a date.
"McNally?" Sam called out.
She hesitated, but couldn't bring herself to turn around. "Have fun Friday," she said, emptiness washing over her. Fresh tears threatened to spill over.
Sam frowned. What the hell was happening Friday? Before he could question her, she was ducking into Traci's car. It was only when the car had vanished and his eyes had settled back on the door to the barn that it hit him. Jerry.
Sam's mind was racing. When he'd walked her up to Frank's office she'd been fine, and he'd kept his eye on the time so she couldn't have been done for more than a few minutes before he found her again. Yet, something in those few minutes had clearly upset her. More specifically, something had happened that had changed her entire demeanour, particularly with regards to how she was with him. His first thought was that her meeting with Frank hadn't gone well. That was, until he remembered how he found her. When he'd walked around the corner she'd been looking right at Jerry, and she'd looked crushed. Nobody else was in sight. Running a hand over his face, he sighed. It had to have been Jerry, but what the hell could his friend have said to elicit that kind of reaction from her? His eyes flicked back to the door and he found his feet pulling him towards it. Once inside, he headed straight for the detectives' office. It was empty. With a quick glance towards the staff sergeant's office, he walked through the bullpen and up the stairs, not even bothering to knock on the door. "Everything go okay?"
Frank looked up and nodded. "Everything's good."
"So McNally was okay when she left?" Sam pressed.
The staff sergeant frowned. "Yeah, she was fine."
With a quick nod, Sam turned and headed towards the kitchen. Empty. He headed to the observation and interrogation rooms, and checked every single one. Nothing. Jerry was nowhere to be seen. He doubled back through the hallways, looking in every room, but still came up short. His gut told him that his friend had answers, and when he spotted the detectives' car in the parking lot, that feeling only grew. For one reason or another, Jerry was avoiding him. He was almost certain of it. Pulling out his phone, he dialled Jerry's number. It went straight to voicemail. He tried again. Voicemail. He let out a frustrated sigh and hit redial a few more times as he walked through the station for a second time, hoping to hear Jerry's phone ringing somewhere. Nothing. He even tried asking several officers about Jerry's whereabouts, but got nothing concrete in return. "What did you do?" Sam muttered. He disconnected the call and tried Andy's number. Voicemail. Redial. Voicemail. What the hell was going on? He fired off a quick text, but still didn't hear back from her.
"Drink?"
Sam turned to find Oliver walking toward him. "Have you seen Jerry?"
"You mean The Flash?" Dov said, stepping up beside them, a file clutched in his hands.
"What?" Sam said, eyebrow quirked.
"You know, the comic book superhero with super speed..."
Sam ground his teeth together. "Epstein, do you really think I care about comic books?"
"All I'm saying is that I've never seen a man move that fast before," Dov said with a shrug. "Like The Flash, get it?"
"So you saw Barber?" Sam pressed, struggling to keep his temper from flaring.
"Yeah, Detective Speedy went that way," Dov said, jerking his thumb over his shoulder. "Left the barn a few minutes ago." With that, he stepped into the kitchen and left Oliver and Sam standing out in the hallway.
"Everything okay?" Oliver asked a little hesitantly.
Sam's eyes flicked to his phone before shifting to his friend. "I need a drink."
Oliver nodded and with a slap on the back, nudged Sam toward the exit. It wasn't until they were seated at the bar in The Penny that either of them spoke again. "You know that thing I said about you not deserving McNally? I didn't mean it. You know that, right?" Oliver said, casting a wary glance at his friend. When Sam didn't respond, he continued. "I know you, brother. I know you like her and you want to do the right thing. You always have." He paused. "And I've watched you, and her, and I know I warned you off of her when she was your rookie, but buddy, whatever's going on between you guys didn't just go away like I thought it would. It's still there. Maybe even stronger than before, but you're still doing it. You're making up excuses, letting something get in the way. Not telling her the truth, telling her how you really feel. And I get it, she's with Callaghan. Except, right now, she isn't. Not really." He took a deep breath. "So now's your chance, and I know telling you to go for it won't do anything..."
"So you thought telling me I didn't deserve her was a better idea?"
Oliver scratched the back of his head. "Well... yeah."
Sam quirked an eyebrow. "Thanks buddy." His voice was laced with sarcasm.
"Think about it this way: why do you always back away? Why have you always pushed her back to Callaghan?"
Silence.
"Because you wanted her to be happy, right? And because you felt like you didn't deserve her, couldn't make her happy enough." When Sam didn't argue, Oliver knew he was on the right track. "But you want to be right for her. You want to make her happy."
Sam took a sip of his beer, but said nothing.
"So I told you that if you didn't take her to see her dad, then you didn't deserve her," Oliver said. Still no reaction from Sam. "Don't you get it? You needed a push. You want to feel like you deserve her, so you listened and you took her to see her dad. But the thing is, you were always good enough for her... I've seen how you are with her, and the thing with Callaghan, I don't think it has anything to do with her thinking he's better. I think she's scared. And I think by spending more time with her now, you can shake that fear." He paused. "She's it for you. And you're it for her. Even Zoe thinks so."
Silence.
"I'm sorry buddy. I know it wasn't the best approach, but you have to know that I didn't actually mean it? You know that since she was cut loose I've been—"
"I took her."
"To see Tommy?" Oliver asked, eyes wide.
Sam nodded.
"And?"
"It went well."
"So we're good?" Oliver asked a little hesitantly.
With a glance over at his friend, Sam said, "We're..." He hesitated. Did he get it? Yes. Was he still mad? A little. But right now, Oliver's antics were the least of his worries. "Better than Barber. But you're messed up, I hope you know that..."
Oliver ignored the insult, his attention immediately latching onto the rest. "What did the pretty boy do now?"
Sam fired off another text to Andy. As he set his phone down on the bar, he gave Oliver a quick summary of what happened at the barn.
"That doesn't make any sense," Oliver said with a frown. Sure, Jerry had made a few comments when they saw Andy and Luke together at The Penny, but surely he wouldn't have expressed those views to Andy too, would he? "You want my advice?"
Sam took another swig of beer. "Not really."
Oliver ignored him. "Give her tonight to think, then go see her tomorrow."
"At the love-shack? No thanks."
"Seriously buddy? I'm pretty sure that poodle is the only thing that's been sleeping with her since the accident."
"You're never going to let that go, are you?" Sam asked with a groan.
Oliver pulled out his cell phone and flipped to the picture of Sam and Andy standing in the hallway of the hospital, the poodle tucked under Sam's arm. "Are you?"
Sam stared at the picture for a long moment. Andy was looking up at him, and the look on her face... He swallowed hard.
The next day…
Sam pulled up in front of Luke's house, but hesitated. He really didn't want to be here, but he did want to see her and he knew that Luke would already be at the station. Taking a deep breath, he got out of the truck and approached the house. He was about to raise his hand to knock when the front door opened.
She nearly collided with him as she flung the door open and started to step outside. Startled to find someone on the doorstep, a cry escaped her before her eyes had a chance to really settle on him. When they did, they widened. "Oh." It sounded strangled. A mix of emotions flickered across her face, but before he could really discern them, she was stepping back inside and reaching for the door.
"What's going on?" Sam said, using his arm to prevent her from closing the door and shutting him out. His eyes flicked to her face. It was obvious that she was struggling to school her features. But, one thing she couldn't hide was how tired she was.
"Nothing," Andy said, staring at the ground.
He quirked an eyebrow. "What's going on with us, McNally? With you? Why are you shutting me out?"
She shifted nervously. "I…" Her heart pounded heavily in her chest. "I need space."
"From me?" he asked, frowning.
She hesitated. "I think we need space from each other."
His frown deepened. "Does this have something to do with Luke?"
"What?" Andy asked, surprised. "No, it has nothing to do with him." She swallowed hard. She had to do this, for both of them. "I just think it would be best if we stopped…"
"Stopped what? Talking? Seeing each other?" he asked, a hint of anger in his voice.
She closed her eyes and pressed her lips together before finally looking up at him. "It's not good for us," she said quietly, her voice cracking as tears welled up in her eyes.
"Why?" he demanded.
"I... I have to go," she said quietly, trying to close the door.
He pushed it back open. "Why, McNally?"
The tears spilled over. "I've become too attached to you," Andy said before she could stop herself. She took a deep breath, then continued. "So I need to umm... I need to step back and let you live your life." As much as it hurt to say, she knew it was true. She'd come to rely on him for pretty much everything. But, if she was completely honest with herself, it was more than that. He was an attractive guy, and the more time she spent with him, the more she was drawn to him. And the fact that she was upset that Sam was going on a date had to mean something. Yet, she was engaged to another man, and that just made everything even more confusing. From the moment she woke up in the hospital, she'd had a difficult time defining her relationship with Sam. As crazy as it sounded, there were many times when she wondered if it was somehow more than just a friendship. But, it had to be a one-sided thought, or maybe just a delusion. After all, if it was more than a friendship and partners, why would she be engaged to another man, and why would Sam be going out on a date? It just didn't make sense. So, she came to the conclusion that she'd become too attached to him – to the point where she was seeing things that weren't there – and that by taking up so much of his time, she wasn't letting him live his life. Because of that, she had to step back.
All Sam could do was stare at her. He wanted to deny it. She really wasn't preventing him from living his life. She was part of his life, and not nearly as big of a part as he'd like, so she had it all wrong. Why he couldn't just open his mouth and tell her that was beyond him. Maybe it was because she outright told him that she'd become too attached to him, and that caught him off guard. Or, maybe it was because it felt like she was breaking up with him, even though they technically weren't even together. Or, it could have even been the ache in his chest that had him at a loss for words as he heard and saw how difficult this was for her.
Her eyes flicked over his shoulder to where a taxi was pulling up to the driveway. She hastily wiped the tears away. "I have to go."
He glanced over his shoulder. "Where are you heading?"
"To the doctor's to have my head checked," she said, laughing dryly.
As she pulled the front door shut and locked it, he could have sworn she muttered something about being delusional. "What are you doing?" she asked, upon seeing him pull out his wallet and grab some money.
"I'm going to pay the cab driver for coming here, and then I'm going to drive you."
Andy moved to the other side of him and put her hand on his chest to stop him. "No," she said quietly.
"So you're actually going to shut me out? Just like that?"
She lowered her eyes. He looked hurt. But she had to do this, for both of them. For him, so he could be happy. Ignoring the ache in her chest, she said, "I'm confused, and I don't know what to believe anymore. I can't even figure out what's real…"
"Then let me help you," Sam said.
She shook her head and bit down on her lower lip, unable to hold back the fresh tears. "I appreciate everything you've done for me, I really do. But, this isn't fair to you, and I can't…" She took a deep breath and tried again. "Being around you is really confusing, so I think I need to do this on my own now." Her hand fell from his chest.
"Don't do this, McNally," he said as she walked towards the cab.
As she opened the door, she paused. "Let it go, Sam. Just let me go." Her voice cracked.
Before he could respond, she was in the cab and it was pulling away from the house.
Two days after the incident at the barn… (Friday)
He glanced over as Traci slid onto the stool next to him. "Where's Jerry?"
"Still hiding," Traci said.
Sam quirked an eyebrow.
"From you, and me," Traci replied. She ordered a beer, then added, "Although I did catch him this morning for a few minutes."
"Why is he hiding from you?"
"Same reason."
"Which is?" Sam pressed.
Traci frowned. "You're kidding, right?" Accepting the beer from the bartender, she took a long sip, then continued. "She was crying on the way back to Luke's. Turns out, even if she doesn't know what to think, she really doesn't like the idea of you going out with another woman."
"I'm not," he replied, giving Traci an odd look.
"I know that, but she doesn't." Seeing his questioning look, Traci said, "You have no idea what's going on, do you?"
Sam shook his head.
Traci whistled. "I thought you knew." She paused and gave him a long look. "I thought you would have asked me if you didn't."
"You thought I knew what?" Sam said sharply. He was mentally kicking himself for not asking Traci. She had, after all, given Andy a ride home and that would have given them an opportunity to talk.
"She overheard Jerry on the phone, setting you up on a date for tonight."
Sam's glass hit the bar with a clink. "What?" he growled.
"She thought you agreed to it. Made reservations and everything."
"But you told her I didn't know about it, right? That I had nothing to do with it? That I'm not going?" His heart was pounding heavily in his chest. This couldn't be happening.
Traci hesitated. "I didn't know for sure." Seeing his face fall, she added, "I told her what I thought, told her it had to be a mistake… but she's confused."
"I'm going to kill him," Sam said angrily, slapping some money on the bar as he got to his feet.
"Sam, sit down," Traci said. "You're not going to go over there and set her straight right now anyway, not with Homicide around, and especially not this late at night… And Jerry knows well enough to steer clear of you for awhile, so chances are you won't find him tonight anyway."
"He made her cry," Sam said angrily. "And he's the reason she isn't talking to me."
Traci forced him back down onto the stool. "Yeah, he screwed up big time. Believe me, I know, and I'm not happy about it either. But you know what? Now you know how she feels."
Sam frowned.
"Look Sam, with Jerry skirting around me the last couple of days, I've had a lot of time to think. I don't agree with what he did, and I hate that he did it, but if you can convince her you didn't know anything about it—"
"I didn't," Sam interrupted.
"But you're still going to have to convince her," Traci said, giving him a pointed look.
"Convince her that I didn't know about the date Jerry tried to set me up on?" Sam said, quirking an eyebrow. "How am I supposed to explain that? You know she's not going to admit that it bothers her."
"I know, but we know it does."
"You know," Sam corrected.
Traci rolled her eyes. "She cried because, despite how confusing everything is, she doesn't want to think about another woman having her paws all over you."
"Why wouldn't she just tell me that?"
Traci gave him an odd look. "Really?" She shook her head in disbelief. "She thought you wanted to go on the date. That you made reservations for a cozy little restaurant. With another woman. So of course she left. She probably equated you going on a date with you not caring about her."
"But that's not—"
"Sam, you broke her heart."
His eyes widened. "I didn't—"
Traci smirked. "Not intentionally. You didn't actually do anything. But think about it... She's confused, but when she thinks you're going on a date with another woman, she gets upset. She might not understand why, but that didn't stop her from crying. A lot. And since the accident she's been pretty tight-lipped about what's going on in her head, especially where you guys are concerned, but you can't hide heartbreak like that. And trust me, she was heartbroken."
His mind went back to when he saw her the day before. The pained look on her face. The rather hollow laugh when she said she was going to get her head checked. Her comment about being delusional. Maybe Traci was right. But if she was, then did Andy really think that she was imagining things? Probably. Groaning, he ran a hand over his face. It was too late to call her, too late to see her. He started to get a sinking feeling. A lot had changed in the last couple of days. A lot could change overnight. Had Jerry just ruined any chance he had with Andy?
Friday night at Luke's house...
"You okay?" Luke asked, tearing his eyes away from the TV to look at her.
She nodded.
"You've been different the last few days. More distant." He studied her face. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I'm fine," Andy replied, forcing a smile.
Luke shifted on the couch and gently pulled her to him. "You know I love you, right?"
Andy nodded again.
"And I know it will take time," Luke said. "But I want to make you happy."
Happy. She was far from happy. What she really needed right now was someone to hold her, so when he tugged her a little closer, she lay her head against his shoulder and allowed him to tuck her into his side. This was her life. This is what she had. Sam wasn't hers. He could date whomever he wanted. He could do whatever he wanted. And he was. Tonight he was on a date with another woman. He probably laughed at her lame jokes throughout dinner, and said a few of his own. Gave her one of his dimpled smiles. Maybe even took her home and... Andy tried to swallow the lump that was forming in her throat. Her eyes stung. She squeezed them shut. She wasn't going to cry. Really, there was no reason to cry. She'd clearly been wrong. There was nothing between them. Nothing but maybe a friendship at best. They were partners, co-workers, but that was it. That was probably all it had ever been. She'd been wrong. A single tear escaped and rolled down her right cheek. The bullet had probably affected her head more than the doctors thought. They said she was fine, that things were improving, but clearly she was delusional. Sam was a good guy. That's all there was to it. No shared looks, no intense stares, no flirting, no caresses. Nothing. It was all in her head. Every little thing. Except for what was in front of her now. Luke was hers. He was here, and he was holding her. And that's how it was. That was reality. Plain and simple. Right?
Thanks again for reading! Let me know what you think so far.
Twitter – RB_ADI2DE