Warning (I guess?): Jack makes one single sexual pun in this chapter, but I think all of you won't be too affected by it. Also, Zander raps about butts.

Jack didn't know what to think. This Malcolm person certainly stood out, especially since he had this formal air about him. He was pretty handsome, and Jack begrudgingly admitted to himself that he was almost immediately mesmerized by his alluring green eyes.

On the other hand, however, back during the colonial era, Jack had his fair share of rich kids, and even though he wasn't one to stereotype, they weren't exactly the nicest they could have been to him. Though he supposed he could give this one a chance, since it had been three hundred years since he received that sort of treatment. People were different now, weren't they? Yes, they were. That was something he had learned from the experience of watching the behaviors of people evolve.

He was so lost in these thoughts that when he finally snapped out of them, Malcolm was sitting in the empty seat beside him. He had lost his charming smile, now replaced with a purely emotionless face. Nevertheless, as Mrs. Beemer began her lecture of the day, Jack worked up the courage to greet him. "Hi."

He was ignored. Perhaps he hadn't heard him? He tried again, "I'm Jack."

Again, he wasn't acknowledged. Extremely dissatisfied, Jack asked in a hushed voice, "Can you talk to me?"

"Are you the heir to a large, well-known business company owned by a successful billionaire who is willing to increase the amount of connections he possesses so he can fund for my own father's workplace somehow?"

Needless to say, the question took Jack aback. "Not...exa—"

"Then no."

Jack had to watch himself to prevent his jaw from saying hello to the floor. What the hell?! Based off of his past experiences, he decided to not carry this on further. It was best if he chose to not make himself too fired up, or else he would cause a scene.

That didn't make him feel any more comfortable though. So, in the end, it was a very long hour of history for him.

Fortunately, Spencer came over the minute the bell rang. "Jack, can you come with me to the office? I need to talk to Mr. Kaka about something."

"Why would you want to talk to our wacky principal about anything?" Jack frowned.

"I, uh..." Spencer grinned a little sheepishly. "It's just that the other day I was passing by his office when he suddenly dragged me in there and declared me his goat feeder for this week."

"...What," Jack deadpanned. "You're saying he assigned you the task of feeding Larry?"

Spencer winced. "Yeah, and since I'm going to have to pass by there on the way to second period anyway... Can you come along? I really don't want to do this alone."

"Sorry, I can't," Jack declined. "My second class is in the opposite direction, and there's no way I can get to it on time if I follow you. You're going to have to find someone else, Spencer."

Spencer looked disappointed. "Dang it."

"Did you just say your name was...Spencer?" Malcolm, who had been overhearing the conversation rather disinterestedly as he was packing up his belongings, perked up. "Like, Spencer Anderson?"

Spencer nodded. "Yeah."

Jack narrowed his eyes. "How would you know?"

"I'm from Phoenix, remember? That dean wouldn't stop ranting about how you and your twin brother Zander refused to transfer throughout the last few days I attended there," Malcolm explained. "You're rather famous there."

"Good...to know?" Spencer questioned in puzzlement.

"Anyway, you're going to the principal's office, yes? I have to go there as well to tie up some loose ends. Shall we walk together?"

"Sure, I guess." Spencer shrugged. "You're better than no one, at least."

As the two of them strolled off, making small talk, Jack remained behind, staring at their backs. What the hell does that Malcolm guy want?!

"And that's what happened," Jack groaned, placing his head on the lunch table.

"Is this going to turn into Brain Freeze 2.0?" Anton wondered. "Because this is becoming suspiciously similar to that incident?"

"He needs another icicle to complete that process, dumbass." Cody rolled his eyes, stirring his smoothie with his straw. "And there's no way in hell I'm letting him steal my smoothie."

Jack lifted his head, one eyebrow raised. "You certainly let Hazel steal your sperm, so why not?"

Cody had been sipping his smoothie at that moment, and once his mind registered what Jack had just said, he spit it out into Anton's face. "What the fuck?!"

Anton calmly took a napkin and dabbed at himself. "Explain before I lose the control in barely grasping at right now."

"You've...impregnated the new girl," Jack stated, growing more and more positive that this was some sort of fib. "I mean, that's what you told the twins and Florence over the weekend, wasn't it? Unless you lied for some reason?"

As if on cue, Zander and Spencer entered the cafeteria, along with Malcolm. "And this is the cafeteria," Zander was speaking. "Our friends are over there."

"Not a good idea," Anton muttered, noticing the expression on Cody's face.

When the twins made a beeline for their table, with Malcolm trailing behind, Cody jumped up, trudged forward, and yelled, "Which one of you whoring pieces of cauliflower told him?!"

"What?" Zander grumbled, not knowing what was going on. On the other hand, his brother immediately made a run for it.

Rather unsurprisingly, Cody chased after him, both disappearing from the cafeteria. "You're fucking dead, you douche siesta!"

"...And that was our friend Cody Gray," Zander casually continued, addressing the mildly fazed Malcolm. "The Asian with the red hair is Anton Suzuki."

"One day, I'd like to be introduced in a way that doesn't involve someone pointing my hair out," Anton remarked dryly. "So are you Malcolm Baxter? My dad mentioned you when I saw him today. He's the vice principal, just so you know."

"Judging from the common last name, I would suppose so," Malcolm smiled humorlessly.

Anton shot him a speculating look. "You look familiar. Have I seen you around before?"

"A lot of people look like me. You must be mistaken."

"Also, this is Jack—"

Jack cut Zander off, "We've already met in first period. He sits by me."

"Oh, right, Spencer mentioned that. Well, he's going to be in sixth period with us too. Just a heads up," Zander informed.

Once he said that, Cody entered again testily. "He hid in the janitor's closet and locked the door. I could've kicked it down if I wanted to but I didn't want any more shit to go down."

"Wow, that's a first," Anton muttered.

"Cody, this is Malcolm. Mal, for short," Zander introduced. "And Mal, I said this before, but this is Cody."

"The guy who made Jack's hair turn grey this morning?" Cody replied, not looking very interested.

"My hair's not grey!" Jack defiantly argued, only for Anton to suddenly reach out and pluck out a strand of hair from his head. "Ow!"

Anton brandished a strand that was in the midst of turning white. "You think?"

Once the bell rang, signifying the end of sixth period. While waiting for the other classes to arrive, McCarthy asked, peering up from her desk, "So who's going to be responsible for the auditions today?"

Jack, who had been in the middle of talking to Anton, froze in place. "There're...auditions today?"

"...You forgot?" Spencer asked tentatively.

"...Sort of... What do I do?!" Jack proceeded to freak out dramatically. "I'm not prepared!"

"You'll be fine," Florence dismissed. "You guys planned to improvise, remember?"

"Yeah, but still! I don't know what to say! I don't even know what part I want!"

"Then, Mr. Overland, I think it's high time you look through Fernando's script right now and decide which role interests you the most," McCarthy spoke up. Everyone had forgotten that she was within hearing range.

"Wait, so she's not busting us for not paying mind to the script?" Anton wondered.

"I think it's a safe bet to say that she finally looked at it and decided it was best if her play didn't end up soiled by it," Spencer wryly responded.

Behind him, a voice ominously yet quietly spoke, "Boo, motherfucker."

Spencer yelped and hopped into his brother's arms, looking back to seek the source of the sound, only to see that Cody had stolen his seat. "Hey!"

Hazel was standing by Cody, facepalming. "Is that what you're always going to do every time someone's sitting in the chair you want to sit in?"

"Sure, why not?"

"You're unbelievable."

"So, once again, who's going to be responsible for casting today?" McCarthy repeated. "Malcolm, I'll let you be one of them, since you just arrived today and didn't have time to prepare. Anyone else?"

Nobody moved a muscle.

McCarthy sighed. "It's mandatory for everyone to audition unless if they're the ones seeing the auditions."

Within half a second, over two-thirds of the class was crowded around her desk.

"So nobody wants to audition," Jack mumbled to himself. Seeing Fernando also in the mix, he added, "Even the script writer himself. Amazing."

Cody grumbled something incomprehensible and stood up (Spencer happily accepted the vacancy of his seat), walking over to the huge swarm of teenagers surrounding poor McCarthy. He went up to a random boy, Evan Callahan, and promptly kneed him in the groin, causing the latter to groan and fall to the floor. Cody then began to take out everyone else in the crowd, using similarly forceful tactics, much to his friends' horror and amusement.

Once he was finished, Cody slammed his hands down on McCarthy's desk. "I'm requesting to be one of the casters, and I will be one of the casters. I'd rather dig my eyes out with an ice cream scoop than pretend to be one of those shitty characters Fernando has permanently ruined with his even shittier script writing skills. Pardon my French, I simply have that class for my fifth period. My point is that you ought to put me alongside Mal Baxter before I waste one more second trying and failing to comprehend that goddamn script and dispose of the remaining brain cells I have. That is all."

McCarthy sighed, seemingly unfazed by everything that just happened. "Very well. You and Malcolm will be responsible for everyone's roles. I trust you can distinguish the good actors from the bad ones. Oh, and by the way," she continued, turning to the rest of the class, though the majority was still recovering from Cody's attack on them, "though all of you are auditioning, obviously not all of you will get a role. So everyone who doesn't get a part will be automatically in charge of prop design."

"What about the understudies?" Fernando asked, getting up off the floor while rubbing the temple that Cody had whacked.

"They'll be on prop design as well, but they should also prepare for their respective parts, just in case," McCarthy explained. Turning back to Cody, she told him, "You and Malcolm should hear to the adjacent room to prepare for the auditions."

"Merci." Cody somewhat smugly complied and left the room, with Malcolm, who had gazed at the unfolding scene with extreme disinterest the whole time, following him. Nearly half the class ended up burning holes into both of their backs, muttering things about how Malcolm didn't deserve the special treatment, especially since he was from Phoenix, and how Cody was an utter asshole for playing dirty.

Zander turned to Florence. "I sort of expected you to join him in beating everyone up."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Florence frowned. "Never mind, I don't think I want to know. Anyway, I actually am sort of excited to audition. I'm playing Gretel."

"So you'll be the queen of the prostitution camp. How fitting." Zander raised an eyebrow.

"Shut up, I'm going to get the part. I'll totally kick ass during my audition, and I'm definitely going to make everyone overwhelmed by my superior acting chops during the actual thing," Florence retorted. "Who are you going to be, Jack?"

Jack had spent the last few minutes looking up and down the list of possible roles. "Uh... Maybe that recurring class clown character. You know, Eugene Cunningham."

"Ah. Well, what will you be doing during the audition then?" Spencer asked.

Jack paused. He had always been one to swing upside down from trees or pretend to be some kind of animal, but he had a feeling that wasn't going to work on Cody and Malcolm—especially Malcolm. That guy seemed like the type who would only accuse him of acting like a fool. And...well, Cody just didn't have any sense of humor a class clown would have. And even if that weren't the case, Jack doubted he would have any props to swing down from. So, in the end, he settled with a lame, "Puns."

"...Puns?" Cici had hurried over to join the group, and she looked a little skeptical.

"Yeah, I mean, why not? I give away dead batteries. Of course, they're free of charge." Seeing the unimpressed looks of all his friends, he stuttered, "W-What?! It's not that bad!"

"You might not want to use that one," Hazel advised. "Try again."

"Uh... I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."

"That...was honestly lamer than the first one," Anton stated. "Again."

"Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He was trying to transcend dental medication."

"What the fuck?" Florence spoke the thought that lay on everyone's minds. "The hell does that even mean?"

"Your pun game isn't very strong. You should try something else entirely," Cici offered.

"There's nothing else I can do!" Jack cried, running his hands through his hair. "Puns are the best I can come up with!"

"Well then... Good luck." Under his breath, Zander muttered, "You'll need it."

"I heard that!"

"Whatever. What about you, bro? Who are you auditioning for?"

"Um, I'm leaning towards Hansel, just because he's the main character," Spencer mused thoughtfully. "But I don't know, I didn't really think about it too much since I doubt I would get the part anyway. I'm more willing to be on prop design instead."

"And I'm auditioning for Hansel's love interest, just because she's the girl with the most lines besides Gretel," Hazel piped up, before anyone could ask her. "She seems really interesting, too. What about you, Cici?"

"Gretel," Cici sighed. "I don't want to have any role, so I'm just choosing randomly. Even if I do get the part, I'm most likely going to give it up to my understudy. I'd rather be on prop design."

"And I'm just going to be on prop design, since I'm not auditioning for this horrid play," Anton concluded.

"McCarthy said you have to audition," Jack pointed out.

"So? I'm the vice principal's son. I can take my phone out, call him, and tell him to tell McCarthy that I refuse to audition," Anton said loftily. "If you'll excuse me for a minute." He got up and left the room, presumably to call his dad.

"That's abuse of power," Jack murmured. Recalling the icy attitude McCarthy had around Anton, he realized that she probably treated him that way because this wasn't the first time he pulled something like this. "I'm going to go write all our names down on the sign up sheet." He stood up and went to the front of the room.

A few seconds later, Anton stalked in with a huge scowl on his face. "He said I can't cheat my way out of this like I did before and I have to audition."

"Wow. Sucks to be you," Florence commented.

"Whatever. Write my name down, too, Jack!" Anton called to the front. "I'll be Hansel!"

"Got it!" Jack responded, not looking up from writing.

Cody came in from the other room and went over to Jack. "You done?"

Finishing up, Jack handed the clipboard to him. "Yeah. Have fun. Looks like we'll be the last ones to audition."

"Right." Cody looked down at the list. "Fernando's first? I don't think I'm prepared for this."

"Then why were you so bent on becoming a caster?" Jack asked, annoyed.

"Last time we held auditions for a play, I wasn't here. Remember? I heard you, the twins, and the Asian phenomenon cast people together, so I decided to try it out or whatever you're going to call it."

Jack raised both eyebrows, placing a hand on his hip. "Is it just me, or have you gotten less apathetic?"

Cody looked less than pleased. "I wasn't apathetic, I was simply too busy having internal rage within myself."

The rest of the group of friends happened to overhear this exchange going on, and Hazel couldn't help but ask curiously, "So what does that mean? And why weren't you here for auditions last time?"

"Nothing that you really need to know," Cody replied coolly.

Noticing the looks on everyone else's faces, Hazel persisted, "I think I have a right to know, considering all of you seemingly do."

"Like I said, it's nothing," Cody dismissed.

"Aw, come on!" Hazel protested, reaching out a leg to walk over to him. However, her foot caught on to Spencer's chair leg, and she ended up falling forward. "Oof!"

"Whoa! Hazel, you okay?" Spencer inquired worriedly. This definitely isn't good for her future baby.

"I'm fine," Hazel brushed the concern off, getting up. The twins and Florence thought it was odd how she didn't really seem too freaked out over the potential harm delivered to her fetus.

Zander looked at Cody, who didn't seem to acknowledge the gravity of the situation either. In fact, he just regarded Hazel with mild interest for a second before turning back to Jack.

"Look, all I'm saying is that either way, your attitude has improved over the past month and a half," Jack was saying.

A grouchy Cody only hit him on the head with the clipboard, though not hard enough to elicit a cry of pain from the former winter spirit. "Stop implying what I think you're implying." He then went over and grabbed Fernando's arm, dragging him into the adjacent room. "You're first. Come on."

"What am I exactly implying?" Jack grumbled, rubbing his head before heading back to where the rest of them were, just when Spencer was making sure that Hazel really didn't need to go to the school infirmary. Beside him, Zander and Florence exchanged a knowing look.

"Really, I'm fine," Hazel insisted. "Why is that so hard to believe?"

"Aren't you supposed to be pregnant?" Jack deadpanned.

Hazel took a short intake of breath, grabbed him by the arm, and rushed him outside. Seeing that they were now alone, she squeaked, "Who told you?!"

"Spencer did in first period, and I told Anton at lunch. Why else do you think Cody chased Spencer out of the cafeteria?"

Hazel groaned, burying her face in her hands. "And he told me that you guys wouldn't spread the word... Listen—"

"I know you're not really pregnant," Jack interrupted. "To be honest, the most shocking thing about all of this is how Cody actually managed to screw up one of his lies. And just to make you feel a little better, I don't think Anton took it very seriously either, considering how he had a major underreaction about it. Zander and Florence are beginning to suspect something too, judging from their expressions back there."

Hazel didn't know whether to be relieved or worried. Nonetheless, she questioned him, "So, in other words, this cover-up isn't going to last very long?"

"Of course it won't," Jack affirmed. "Nobody's that gullible. Though once the whole thing blows over, someone should remember to tell Spencer, because he's still clueless as ever. By the way, what made Cody lie in the first place?"

Hazel shrugged, playing dumb. "Who knows? There's really nothing to hide."

Jack scrutinized her, trying to see if she was telling the truth. He didn't really believe that there wasn't any secret shared between her and Cody, but her eyes conveyed truthfulness. In the end, he dropped her gaze and sighed. "Okay. Let's head back."

They both returned to the classroom just in time to see Fernando ejected from the audition room, with a loud voice shouting after him, "Don't ever made me see that fucking pathetic sight again!"

"What happened?" Hazel asked, a little concerned.

"Exactly what it looks like. Everybody forgot to warn those two about Fernando's traumatizing acting skills. Or lack thereof," Zander supplied.

A seething Cody stormed out of the audition room and immediately went over to Hazel. "You're up next."

"What? But it shouldn't be my turn until later! I wasn't the second one signing up!" Hazel pointed out.

"I don't care!" Cody snapped, grabbing her arm. "You're auditioning next! Unless if you're worse than Chavez!"

Hazel opened her mouth to argue back, but Cody didn't give her a chance to. He tugged her into the other room, where Malcolm was patiently waiting as he examined the sign up sheet. He looked up and raised his eyebrows when he noticed Hazel. "She's the next one on the list? That's not exactly what I pictured Noah Dorsey to look like."

"Actually, I'm Hazel Campbell. I'm supposed to be down somewhere at the bottom, but I guess not." She shot Cody a half-hearted glare.

"Just hurry up and audition," Cody quipped, sitting down in the chair next to Anton," before I blow my top again."

"Um..." Hazel stood awkwardly under Cody's intense gaze. He has beautiful eyes. Shaking off that thought, she dumbly choked out, "You mean like...now?"

"When the fuck else?" Cody said heatedly. "Just go."

That did not help Hazel to stop squirming in the slightest. "But I...don't know what to say..."

"Just say whatever you want to say," Malcolm supplied, looking like how he couldn't care less. "There's no right and wrong. Unless if you say something horrid like that boy before you, which I strongly doubt will happen."

She was facing the guy who was apparently incapable of saying anything positive and the new kid who seemed like he was certain that she would fail her audition. Both were equally terrible to deal with, and they looked like they were ready to verbally attack her the second they got the chance to. "..."

By now, Cody looked absolutely fed up, so he turned to Malcolm. "Can you step out for a minute or two and let me talk to her one-on-one?"

Malcolm complied, and once he went back into the regular room, Cody glared at Hazel. "What's your goddamn problem? You're holding up all the other people behind you."

"It's not my fault you decided to bring me in here earlier than I was actually supposed to," Hazel murmured.

If Cody heard that, he chose to ignore it. "Look, it's just an audition for a shitty play our teacher managed to BS completely. Honestly, I don't think there's really such a thing as a good audition if it's for a piece of crap like this. So really, there's nothing to be scared of."

"I know that," Hazel snapped. "I can't help it if my natural instinct calls for me to get nervous when I'm performing in front of people. This is my first time doing something like this, and I'm getting some last-minute chills. I thought I had a few more minutes to prepare while the people in front of me do their thing, but then you dragged me in here and I'm not ready, and you..." She sighed. "And you guys are just looking at me like you're expecting me to screw up the moment I begin, and it's only adding to the pressure I feel, and...I don't think I can do this."

There was a long pause, then Cody replied, "You know the way I was looking at you is sort of the way I look at everybody when I'm watching them, right?"

"Maybe so, but it's not really helping matters. Make a different face. Make one less..." She struggled for the right word.

"Irritable."

"Right. That."

"Fine. Do your audition now before I let Mal back in."

That took Hazel aback. "Wait, what?"

"I don't know if you expected this or not, but Mal got pretty ruthless with Fernando when he was done auditioning. I mean, both of us were pretty pissed off after seeing that atrocity, but yeah, I think you get it. He threatened to pay his family to disown him."

Hazel suppressed a giggle. "You were the one who shouted at him to get the eff out of the room. Everyone else heard you."

"I wasn't the one who threw props at him." Cody motioned towards the nearby items lying on the floor. Hazel figured they were from their previous plays. "Anyway, if I'm calling someone ruthless, then I think you pretty much get the idea. Best to deal with one "

Yes, I do. "Okay. Just so you know, I'll be pretending to be talking to Hansel on the first day of school." She took a deep breath, then began with a smile. "Hi, I'm Cheryl. I'm a new student here, so I was hoping you could show me around?"

"Sorry, find someone else. I'm busy."

It took Hazel a moment to realize that Cody was going along with her character, and she frowned. "But you're not doing anything besides playing on your phone."

Cody looked up with a raised eyebrow. "Yeah. Exactly."

Hazel rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Whatever. I'll just find someone who, you know, is actually courteous." She turned away, pretending like she was about to leave, until she whirled back around and grabbed Cody's shoulders. "You just don't get it, do you?!"

"Wait, what the fuck?" a baffled Cody awkwardly managed.

"Do you understand why I helped you with your stupid inventions, through every nook and cranny?! I didn't do it because I was into your dumb science or whatever! I did it because I knew you needed a friend! Despite everything, you seemed lonely and I wanted to be the first to reach out to you!" By now, Hazel was full on crying.

Cody couldn't blame himself for beginning to gape. "Wait, what the fuck?!"

Hazel paid him no mind as she continued, "And it's all your fault! It's all your fault that some time along the way, you made me fall in love with you! But now, you're pushing me away! Do you know how much this is hurting me?!"

Cody's eyes grew wide. "Wait, what the fuck?!"

Hazel still didn't acknowledge his shock, and instead moved her hands so she was cupping his face, with tears staining her own. "I... Please, the least you could say is that you felt something, too, from the time we spent together..." she sobbed. She leaned in slightly...

...but Cody tilted his chair as far back as possible, putting one hand over his mouth and the other hand up against Hazel so he could push her away if she persisted further. "Uh uh. Not happening."

Hazel suddenly stopped crying and huffed. "I wasn't really going to kiss you. I was acting."

"...Wait, what the fuck?" Cody repeated for the fourth time. "...You were?"

"...You...couldn't tell?" Hazel questioned tentatively. So that's why he looked so surprised.

"No," Cody stated monotonously. "You might not want to do that when auditioning for our next play."

"I thought you would be able to tell!" Hazel argued. "Cheryl is Hansel's love interest, so I wanted to make sure I can pull off the climax of her character!"

"There's a reason why you don't normally see people do that, Hazel!"

"Do what?"

The two of them turned to see the source of the third voice, which was a displeased Malcolm tapping his foot. Behind him, with the door cracked open slightly, all of their other friends were peeking through to see what was going on. Their expressions ranged from fascinated to shocked, and from shocked to ready to burst out laughing.

"Is this what happens whenever there's no one else in the room? For a second there, I had actually thought you made me excuse myself for productive purposes..." Malcolm deadpanned.

Hazel and Cody both realized in unison that she was still holding his face in her hands and that his hand had somehow slid down and made itself comfy on her waist. She made a tiny, short yelp and jerked her hands back as if she had gotten burnt from the kettle on the stove. She likely should have waited until Cody had properly set his chair down on all four legs, however, because he involuntarily tilted even farther backwards when Hazel let him go, causing him to completely fall over.

"Ow, my head!"

Everyone else except for Malcolm quickly exited the room, not wanting to give Cody any chance to induce his rage on them.

Malcolm stood above Cody with a raised eyebrow. "Did you see her audition, or did you just immediately begin getting a wee bit too close to her?"

"...She's like a Disney starlet," Cody replied, not amused.

Hazel blinked. "Oh. Well, thank you—"

"I can't stand Disney starlets."

Hazel deflated. "Oh..."

"...But she is pretty good," Cody mumbled, just loud enough for the other two to hear, though he hastily covered up, "B-But that's only because she came right after Fernando, so really, anyone could seem good after him!"

"...Right," Malcolm stated. "Then she might get the part?"

"...Maybe."

"Woohoo!" Hazel appeared genuinely gleeful while Cody grumbled as he picked himself off the floor. "Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!"

Malcolm looked at her. "Wow. Aren't you happy?"

"Of course I am! I've been worrying about my audition for the past week, so I'm really glad that it worked out in the end!" Hazel had a huge smile on her face. "But anyway, I shouldn't hold you up, so I should leave—"

"No. You're staying."

"Hm?" Hazel turned to face Cody.

"I want you to stay and help with the auditions," Cody hesitantly admitted. "I don't think I can make through half of them without exploding and needing Mal to clean up my remains, so I made you audition after Fernando so you can stay, since you're always so hellbent on people being nice to other people. I figured you might handle this a little better."

"Then why did you even volunteer in the first place?" Hazel sighed.

"I'd rather do this than lose my dignity by auditioning as some shit character!" Cody griped. "So are you going to help or not?"

"Fine." Hazel shrugged and sat down in a third chair. "I got nothing better to do."

"But Gretel, do you know how much trouble we'll be in if we continue on with this?!" Anton shouted. "If you steal that money from the donation box, you'll get arrested if you get found out! You'll—" In the corner of his eye, he saw something coming rapidly towards him. Reacting quickly, he ducked, just in time for the knife prop to whizz past his head and embed its blade into the wall. Anton gawked at Cody in disbelief.

The latter looked at him like nothing had just happened. "What?"

"Did you just hurl a knife at me?!"

"It's a prop."

Anton stalked over to the wall and pulled the knife out, leaving a very visible slash in the plaster. "Does it seem like whether it's a prop matters?!"

"You were boring as fuck, okay? I couldn't help myself."

"Really?" Hazel frowned at Cody. "I thought he was pretty good."

"To be honest, I kind of stopped caring about these auditions after the fourth one. We have no script to follow, so we're seeing all of these scenarios with these characters, and basically I've forgotten what this play is even about," Malcolm inserted his own two cents.

"Look, I didn't want to audition, but then everyone was like, 'Oh, you have to!'" Anton indignantly said.

"Probably should've told them you were bad enough to be compared to Fernando," Cody casually inputted.

Anton glared daggers that could proudly be declared as sharp as the faux blade in his hands. He dropped the knife and picked up a nearby baseball lying in a pile of props (because he wasn't going to sink as low as that emo bastard). He then gathered up all his strength and chucked it at Cody.

With lightning speed, Cody held up a hand and caught the fastball. Standing up, he asked a little too calmly, considering the situation, "Do you seriously want to go there?"

"Uh, please don't do this," Hazel pleaded, also getting up out of her seat.

Malcolm only rolled his eyes and took out Othello from his backpack, proceeding to read and ignoring the showdown going on next to him.

"You're an absolute piece of shit!" Cody shouted, throwing the baseball back at Anton.

Catching it and hurling it back, Anton countered, "I'm not the spoiled brat who uses violence to get what he wants!"

Cody caught it. "You're the one who had no backbone for most of his life!"

"You're the one who can't say anything nice without making another snide remark right after!"

"How are you related to your sister?! She has so much more common sense than you!"

"You're calling my cosplaying, otaku sister who made you crossdress more sensical than me?!"

"She made me realize that I'm prettier than you!"

"You conceited bastard, you hated crossdressing! Also, don't think I forgot the fact that you attempted to add soy sauce to our smoothies!"

"You ended up trying it, and you liked it, peasant bitch!"

"Whoever said I liked it, you disgrace to Asia?!"

By now, Hazel had sat back down and put her head on the table, attempting to drown out the yells and refusing to look back and forth between Cody and Anton's throws. "I don't even know what they're talking about anymore..." Also, was it just her, or were both of their voices getting steadily higher to the point where they legitimately sounded like girls...?

Malcolm momentarily looked up from reading Shakespeare to comment flatly, "Imbeciles.

The door opened and Zander's head appeared, just as Cody was in mid-toss. "What the hell is going on in here? Why do I hear Antonia and Cordelia from the other side of the door?"

Antonia and Cordelia? Hazel couldn't help but wonder. Who are they?

"Zander!" Malcolm suddenly closed his book and smiled charismatically, his attitude evidently turning a 180. "How've you been?"

"What the fuck?" Cody muttered, his voice returning to normal. "What's with him?"

"Uh, not much," Zander replied, scratching his head. "We're just...you know, waiting for our turns to audition. What's going on here?"

"These two are playing catch," Hazel explained, shooting Cody and Anton a glare. "You can say everyone got distracted."

"Oh, okay. Hey, can I just not audition? I'm not feeling up to it." Zander somewhat lazily waved his hand.

"What makes you think we'll let you get away with that?" Cody asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Don't you feel like jumping at the opportunity to deal with one less unbearable audition?" Zander pointed out.

"...Yeah. Fine, you can weasel your ass out of this one. But you still have to do something."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

Cody shrugged, setting the baseball on the table. "I don't know, just do something so in case someone is eavesdropping on the other side, it'll sound like you're auditioning."

"Right. Uh..." Zander looked around, and once he spotted something on the floor next to Anton, he motioned for it. "Give me that mike."

Not really knowing what he was planning, Anton picked up the microphone and tossed it at Zander, who caught it and tapped it. The sound echoed on the speakers in the room, and Cody grumbled to Hazel, "I'm already regretting this." She shushed him, concentrated on what Zander was about to do.

"Sir Mix-a-Lot, baby!" Zander yelled into the microphone, causing the speakers to screech.

"Yup, I'm regretting this," Cody stated, putting his head in his hands.

"I like big butts and I cannot lie! You other brothas can't deny! When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face, you get sprung!"

"This song is so offensive," Hazel tried to protest, though a giggle escaped her mouth.

"Wanna pull out your tough, 'cause you notice that butt was stuffed! Deep in the jeans she's wearing, I'm hooked and I can't stop staring! Oh, baby, I wanna get with ya, and take your picture! My homeboys tried to warn me, but that butt you got makes me so horny!"

By now, Malcolm had whipped out his phone and was recording Zander's performance.

"Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin, you say you wanna get in my Benz? Well, use me, use me, 'cause you ain't that average groupie! I've seen them dancin', to hell with romancin'! She's sweat, wet, got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette!"

Anton was leaning against the wall, mouthing along to the lyrics silently, clearly enjoying this experience.

"I'm tired of magazines, sayin' flat butts are the thing! Take the average black man and ask him that, she gotta pack much back!" Zander went over to Cody. "So, fellas!"

Seeing the microphone directed at him, Cody wearily asked, "What?"

"Fellas!"

"Get away."

"Has your girlfriend got the butt?" Zander motioned towards Hazel.

"Fuck no," Cody flatlined, as if that were too obvious to even be wondered, causing Hazel to indignantly slap his head.

"Hey, Zander, what's going on—" Spencer swung open the door, only to see what his brother was doing, and closed the door again. "Bye."

Ignoring Spencer's retreat, Zander continued, "Tell 'em to shake it!"

"No," Cody deadpanned.

"Shake it!"

"No."

"Shake that healthy butt! Baby got back!" Zander triumphantly dropped his microphone to the floor at the same time Florence burst in.

"You!" she shrieked, pointing accusingly at Zander. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?!"

"What?" Zander's jubilance transformed into confusion. "I just...finished rapping Baby Got Back?"

"I can't believe you!" Florence vented, not acknowledging Zander's response. "You're the worst person ever! How did I get stuck being your sister?!"

"'Sister'—?" Zander began to echo, but he was interrupted when Florence slapped him across the face as hard as she could.

"I hate you, Hansel!" Florence yelled, wrestling him to the floor. "You're the worst! You ruined my life! You're...You're... You're a big doo-doo head!" She punctuated each insult with an additional whack to the face. Once she was finished, she nonchalantly stood up, "How was that?"

There was a long period of silence until Cody spoke up, "Is this how you women audition all the time? By using the men as pawns?"

"Excuse me? When did I use anyone as a pawn when I auditioned?" Hazel questioned in annoyance.

"Do you not recall trying to kiss me?"

"I told you, I wasn't actually going to!"

Meanwhile, Anton leaned over Zander. "Dude, are you okay?"

"For a second, I felt my life flash before my eyes," Zander replied in a pained voice. He sat up abruptly and viciously snapped at Florence, "What the hell was that for?!"

"That was my audition, obviously," Florence yawned. "You need to pay more attention."

"It was your audition, I get that! But what was that for?! Why was I the one to get beaten around by you?!"

"Well, for starters, how about the fact that your brother happened to catch you imitating Sir Mix-a-Lot with that obnoxious song of his?" Florence began. "Also, my sister got really flustered when she heard you from the other side of the door."

"Who cares about how your skanky, redheaded sibling feels?"

"I'm talking about Jo." Florence nodded her head in the direction of the door, where a certain blonde head was poking out. Seeing Zander notice her, she flushed and hid.

"So yeah, I was just doing everyone a favor by stopping you," Florence concluded.

"I was done right before you stormed in here!" Zander argued.

"Oh." Florence blinked. "Well then, take it as punishment for making Jo uncomfortable. The fact that she feels that way all the time is besides the point."

"Oh, sure, like slapping the crap out of me is the answer to that problem!" Zander shouted. "How about next time, when you indirectly cause Spencer to get mildly upset, I tackle you to the floor?! How would you feel if I did that?!"

"...Very, very violated?" Florence responded, raising an eyebrow.

"As someone who cares deeply for you, Zander, maybe you should reconsider that choice of words in order to make yourself sound less...sexual," Malcolm piped up.

"...Dammit," Zander stiffly said. "That backfired. Just... Let's just continue with these auditions."

"Wanna hear my pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy."

Malcolm looked up from doodling in his notebook while Cody's expression became even more deadpan than it already was. Around them, everyone else were attempting to distract themselves by doing mundane things, trying to not pay attention to Jack's horribly lame puns.

"You guys...get it...right?" Jack tentatively inquired. "You know, pizza has cheese—"

"We get it," Malcolm interrupted. "No need to explain."

"Oh, okay... Well, did it amuse you?"

"So fucking funny," Cody monotonously supplied. "You should go on Comedy Central."

Jack scowled. "Fine. How about this one? Did you hear about the guy whose entire left side was cut off? Apparently, he's all right now."

Malcolm shook his head. "No."

"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down."

"There's something wrong with you," Cody voiced.

"I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."

"Did you just steal these off of the Internet?" Malcolm accused.

"...Kind of." Jack looked away.

"That does not earn you any good points for your audition," Cody stated, unimpressed. "The least you could do is do something original."

"Alright, fine," Jack said agitatedly, picking up the microphone that was left untouched after Zander used it. "I looked up the word impotence and nothing came up."

"You're going to get slapped by someone if you actually use that during the play!" Zander piped up. "Believe me, I know. I got fully attacked only by rapping a classic song."

"Aw, come on! Everyone knows that our target audience isn't exactly six to ten years old!"

"Nobody wants to hear about erectile dysfunction!" Malcolm asserted. "It gives off a bad class clown image, if you ask me."

"You're going to surpass Fernando in terms of flubbing auditions at this rate," Cody chimed in.

Jack glared and spoke into the microphone again, "One last one before I leave, what do you call a guy and a girl who pretend to be having a baby, and why don't they, you know, actually have one? Cody and Hazel and it's because he's impotent!"

Hazel almost fell out of her seat while Cody looked like he wanted more than anything to flip over the entire table. "What?! How is that even a pun of any sorts?!"

"It's not meant to be!" Jack contended, throwing the microphone to the floor. "Whatever, it's not like I ever wanted to be a part of this play. Aren't I the last one?"

"Yeah," Spencer piped up, a little dazed from the whole 'pretending to be pregnant' situation. Well, I can't exactly be surprised, but... Why did they lie?

There was a knock at the door, and Anton got up to get it. On the other side of the door was Fernando, who immediately spoke, "I want to re-audition so I can prove to you I'm capable of being cast."

Anton glanced back and saw Jack, Zander, Spencer, Cody, and Malcolm all making frantic gestures, silently instructing him to say no. Turning back to Fernando, he hesitantly responded, "Well..."

"Is that a yes?"

"Not...really..."

Fernando frowned. "Oh, come on!"

"Sorry, man. No offense or anything, but nobody really wants to see you audition again. Including me," Anton admitted. "We're all tired, okay?"

"And what, you choose to relax by talking about impotence?" Fernando snapped. "I listened to your conversation from the other side of the door! Speaking of which, what's with you pretending to impregnate the new girl?!" he added, peering over Anton's shoulder at Cody.

"Every word out of your mouth is just digging a deeper hole for your grave," Cody ominously replied back, picking up the baseball from earlier. "Get out of here before this connects with your face."

Fernando rolled his eyes. "Ooh, I feel so threatened. Did I ever tell you I was the star on the baseball team back in middle school—" His eyes widened when he saw the baseball heading in his direction. "Bye!" He hurriedly closed the door, leaving the baseball to bounce harmlessly off of it...

...and conk Anton in the side of the head. He gingerly put a hand on the quickly forming bruise, and once his mind registered what had happened to cause it to sprout, he gritted his teeth and picked up the baseball off the ground.

"Not this again," Hazel moaned, while Malcolm simply took out his book one more time.

"Violent, heartless beast!" Anton yelled, chucking the baseball at Cody.

Cody caught it and hurled it back. "I can drink alphabet soup and shit out a better insult than that!"

"It's scary to think that people like you are allowed to breed!"

"I'd rather throw a puppy in a wood chipper than keep on talking to you!"

"That's so unfair to the puppy!" Cici whined, though neither of them heard her.

"Guys like you are the reason girls turn lesbian!" Anton countered, throwing the ball for the seventh time.

"Excuse me?" Hazel questioned.

"Out of millions of sperm, you were the fastest?!"

"I thought a fetus was made up of multiple amounts of sperm instead of just one," Florence pointed out.

Malcolm got up. "I'm leaving."

"So how long will they stop fighting?" Malcolm asked as he, Jack, and the twins exited the campus.

"Once Emmanuelle gets a hold of their attention and smacks some sense into them," Zander muttered, rubbing his cheek, which somehow still had a slight stinging sensation.

Malcolm tilted his head. "Emmanuelle?"

"Florence," Spencer sighed. "Emmanuelle is just a nickname only Zander uses, for some reason unknown."

"Ah. So, onto a different subject, where do you guys live? I can give you a ride home," Malcolm abruptly offered.

"That's a little shady, don't you think?" Jack narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"What's so shady about volunteering to do a favor for someone?" Malcolm inquired cluelessly. "I'm in no rush to head home. And all of you look supremely weary, so I'm just being considerate."

"You're tired, too, you know," Jack reminded. "So it's a little weird that a tired guy would want to drive three tired people home."

"Who says I'm driving?" Malcolm coolly responded, taking out his phone and dialing a number. "Hello, Chauffeur Williams?" he spoke as soon as the person on the receiving end picked up. "I'm out of school. You can bring the limo now."

"Limo?" Spencer squeaked. "Like...a limousine? That kind of limo?"

Malcolm smirked, shutting his phone. "Of course. You didn't think I drove around in a rusty, old Honda, did you?"

"Exactly how rich is your family?!" Zander exclaimed.

"Yeah, exactly how rich?" Jack echoed, his voice a little flat.

"Pretty rich." Malcolm shrugged. "Anyway, are you going to accept my offer?"

"...There's really a limo?" Spencer managed to ask, completely won over.

Malcolm rolled his eyes playfully. "Yes, Spencer, there's really a limo."

"I'm in!" Spencer brightly accepted, turning to Jack and Zander. "How about you guys?"

Jack shook his head. "No, I'm more comfortable with walking home."

Zander nodded in agreement. "Same."

"There's a built-in TV with Netflix," Malcolm singsonged persuasively.

"I'm not too big on that," Jack stated matter-of-factly.

"There is?!" Zander, on the other hand, was impressed. "Okay, change of mind. I'm taking a ride home. Jack, are you sure you're not coming along?"

"I'm sure," Jack firmly declined. "Look, it's fine. I'm cool with walking home by myself for one afternoon. You guys have fun."

"Oh, hey, look, Chauffeur Williams is here," Malcolm piped up, pointing at the man waving next to a limo in the distance. "Come on, let's go."

After watching them approach the vehicle, Jack sighed and turned to leave himself. However, before he could actually take his first step, a hand gently touched his shoulder from behind, causing him to start in surprise. He whirled around, only to come face to face with none other than Conrad Montgomery.

"You shouldn't have done that," Conrad spoke sincerely, looking concerned.

"Done what?" Jack asked irritatedly, not too fond of the unnecessary shock that was slowly wearing off.

"You know what I'm talking about. Leaving your friends to go off with that new guy."

Jack was confused. "What's so wrong with that? They wanted to ride in his limo, so I let them. It's the right thing to do as their friend."

Conrad shook his head. "You don't get it. I was watching you four from a distance away, and even though I couldn't exactly hear every word you were saying, it was pretty obvious to me that Malcolm Baxter was trying to force you away from Zander and Spencer. He's trying to steal them from you."

"Zander and Spencer aren't objects," Jack disagreed. "It'd be stupid for someone to 'steal' them."

"Sure, that might be your opinion." Conrad shrugged. "But not all people share that thought. And most of the time, you have to realize that before the damage is permanently done. A friend leaving you for someone he's known for a shorter amount of time happens a lot more often than you think."

That last sentence came out kind of bitterly, and Jack could tell he wasn't just talking about Malcolm and the twins. He began to explain, "Look, I know you haven't exactly let go of the fact that Anton stopped hanging out with you, but—"

"It's no big deal," Conrad interrupted. "It's in the past. Sure, I got upset, but what can I do? It's best if I move on from that. A part of me is hoping that ten years later, Anton and I could sit around and laugh about our high school days. But something tells me that won't happen. So it doesn't matter. What does dwelling on it solve?"

Jack frowned. "Yeah, but it isn't too late to go back and try to talk to him—"

Conrad cut him off again, "Enough about me. What I'm trying to say is that you should be more on guard around Malcolm. Isn't it a little fishy how his persona changes whenever Zander and Spencer are within earshot? It was clear as day that he was kissing their asses. You need to start fighting for them. And when you fight, fight hard and without mercy."

Jack crossed his arms. "And what if I don't?"

"Then you're going to regret it," Conrad voiced simply. "But look, I can't affect what you choose to do too much. I get that there's a possibility you won't fight to keep your friendships, and even though that's something anyone with common sense wouldn't do..." He took a deep breath. "I'll be here as someone who's gone through a similar situation. So, if you ever feel like you need to talk about your problems concerning this, feel free to come to me. I'm always open for some conversation between the two of us."

FINALLY I'M DONE WITH THIS. 8600 WORDS. MY GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN THIS STORY SO FAR.

So, in case anyone is wondering about Malcolm's position in this story, I'm just going to say that Conrad's right about him. Or, at least, right about the kissing ass part.

This chapter was one I found fun to write. Auditions yooooo. The official casting on who will be which character will be in the next chapter. And let me say this right now: The leads aren't who you think.

FYI I had this extra ( = irrelevant) chapter written a few weeks ago that involve Cody and Anton playing Flappy Bird. Trying to find the time to upload it to Doc Manager lolwut.

New poll on my profile, too. Feel free to waste 30 seconds of your life voting on it.

Replies:

Rainflower: There will be sparks flying between the two of them in the end, no lie c: And sure! I need some excuse to put Jamie and Sophie back in anyway, haha.

Stargazer131: Of course. All of this human!Jack drama will be resolved in the end.

Lil Angel 927: Don't overthink the thing with the marigolds lol. The answer is far simpler than you think it is. And idk about the fanart thing, is anyone up for drawing Malcolm? Anyone? No? Okay.

Sol's Darkness: I'm sorry about the lack of Jack (I'm the best rhymer ever), but the premise of FG is...pretty long and jam-packed with a whole bunch of stuff, so I can't really get into Jack's predicament until it's all over haha. Well, as of this chapter, the main plot's beginning to go into motion, and Jack's melodrama is officially starting.

feathered moon wings: Ummmmm Cody's 17, not 14 XD Unless if you're not talking about Cody? Idk. Anyway, yeah, more Jack in this chapter (sort of?), and I'll be nice here and say that...the plot centering around Cody is only going to get sadder and more upsetting from here on out. By the time his plot reaches the climax, I'm bound to have a couple readers actually cry... Oopsies. He's secretly a huge dork deep down. He just manages to hide it with his snarks and expressions c:

ReganRocks: OHMYGOD THAT STORY ABOUT YOUR MATH TEACHER AND THAT ABSENT KID. THAT'S LIKE PURE GOLD. I kind of stopped listening to BL after a while when the hype about it went down and I suffered a semi-epiphany, telling myself that just because it's probably the catchiest song ever doesn't make the message any more justified. But still, if it comes on the radio again, I'm not going to change the station or anything. I'll just quietly sit through it. *whispers* Also, I may or may not have downloaded the song on iTunes... IN MY DEFENSE, HOWEVER, I had downloaded it before becoming aware of the lyrics. And it's not like I can get a refund for it. Anyway, on to other topics, I combined the whole Zander-rapping-Macklemore thing with the Jack-rapping-Baby-Got-Back thing and got...Zander's audition as a result XD The lyrics in that song make me laugh so hard. Try taking a listen some time, maybe you'll be as amused as I was c: "I trust the water" is a quote I based off of this anime last year called Free! The exclamation point is included in the title. The plot's basically about swimming guys plus the power of friendship. The main guy kind of had a water fetish, AND THERE'S A SECOND SEASON COMING OUT THIS YEAR I SWEAR THEY BETTER NOT FUCK UP. Pardon my French. (Also, I don't get offended easily. I have a pretty twisted sense of humor myself, in case you couldn't tell already.)

Awesomalicious: To be honest, I'm a little glad I'm updating on a regular basis (though you didn't have a chapter of FG for like two weeks... But it's over 8000 so eyyyyy). I don't recall you being a reader back when PG was still in progress, so let me tell you something, near the very end when I uploaded that chapter with the cliffhanger of Jack finally meeting up with Immo, I took an unannounced three-and-a-half-month hiatus, and I obviously lost a couple of readers during that time. I got lazy. *cough*

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