Clean Slate

by ADI2DE

AU - After an accident on the job, Andy wakes to find that she only remembers one day out of her entire life: the day of the accident. When Sam discovers she doesn't even remember her own fiancé, will he seize the opportunity to win her over the way he should have to begin with, or will he be his usual noble self and settle for friendship while pushing her back to Luke?

15. Secrets

Welcome back! You guys are AWESOME, you know that? Sorry (kind of) to those of you who shed some tears in the last chapter, but I'm glad you guys got some laughs out of it too. I'll admit, I was a little worried about how you guys would react, but clearly I'm an idiot because you guys rock and are just so supportive it's mind boggling but awesome. And based on the increase in story stats, I'd say you guys actually like to be "punished", which is good because I've been amping up the "punishment" factor in each chapter. The original versions were less drawn out / maybe a little "nicer". Anyway, thanks for all of the reviews, follows, and favourites. I hope you'll continue to let me know what you think!

Credit goes to svugirl25 for finding what I think is the perfect song for the end of this chapter...

Without further ado, let's get to the recap and then this ridiculously long update.

Recap: (See the recap from the last chapter, and then...) Sam has a rather strange Cinderella-like dream. Traci and Andy have a girls' day, which leads to a drunk Andy trying to kiss Sam in 15 Division's parking lot. Noble Sam pushes her away, which makes her feel rejected and, ultimately, leads to her behaving rather irrationally (in other words, she actually kisses Luke). Traci and Andy have a big fight and end up being on the outs. Soon after, Andy goes missing. Sam finds her at her dad's place but doesn't really offer her much in the way of comfort, particularly when he tells her that he can't be her partner anymore and that he's going undercover.

---

Wednesday morning…

Everyone had said that Sam Swarek wasn't going anywhere, that he'd never leave her, but he had… the night before. Maybe not physically – at least not in the permanent sense… yet – but it still felt the same. He was breaking his promise, giving her up as a partner, and he was going. Leaving. When... she had no idea, but the thought of one day waking up to discover that he was gone had her feeling sick. And no matter how hard she tried to convince herself that kissing Luke had nothing to do with Sam's decision – that him leaving was a purely professional move, a way of getting ahead – deep down, she knew that she was the main reason, and that hurt.

It's my fault, she thought as she stared up at the stucco ceiling. I got scared. Terrified of losing everything and everyone. It was stupid. SO stupid. Just... a mistake. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and drew in a deep breath, struggling to hold back the tears. Even if he doesn't feel the same way, I screwed up. Because Luke and I... I don't really know what we are, but it's not right. It doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel like... She struggled to push the image of Sam out of her mind, but it wouldn't go. She could practically see his brown orbs staring back at her with an intensity unparalleled to anything she'd felt before. It had her squirming. Oh, god, what have I done? Why did I kiss Luke? She groaned out loud. I just... I felt so rejected. Confused. Scared of letting the only thing that seemed certain about my past just slip away because of how I THINK I might feel about Sam. And... and, I thought that by backing off, I could maybe salvage things. Keep Sam in my life, but not mess up whatever I had going in the past because that had to have meant something... it had to have... Except, now I'm not so sure. I mean, I should have felt something by now, right? But, I don't. Not with Luke anyway. And now... now I've lost everyone. A small, cynical laugh escaped her. By trying so hard to hold onto everything, I lost it all.

Sam's words from the night before repeated in her head: 'I never had you.' A tear escaped. How can he even think that? That he isn't needed here...? I need him. I do. More than I want to admit. More than what is probably normal. But I do need him.

"Andy?"

She opened her eyes and rolled onto her side, gaze shifting upward until it landed on her dad's face. "I don't know what to do," she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion.

"Ah, sweetie," Tommy said softly as he sat on the edge of the couch and took her right hand in his, giving it a gentle but reassuring squeeze.

"I…" Andy began, but it came out as a sob as more tears spilled down her cheeks. "It hurts."

"Your heart?"

She nodded slowly, almost reluctantly, as if admitting it made it hurt more. "I know he's coming back, but…" Feeling her lower lip quiver, she bit down on it hard, trying to focus on the small amount of pain in an effort to keep herself from becoming an even bigger blubbering mess. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

"It's okay." He pulled his daughter into his arms, holding her tight as her tears soaked through his shirt. "It's gonna be okay, I promise."

Andy wrapped her arms around him, holding on tight as another wave of emotion crashed over her. "I know I shouldn't be like this, but... I don't know how to do this without him. He just... he makes getting up each day, and not knowing, easier... Confusing at times, but somehow easier too, you know?" She drew in a deep breath. "Like no matter what happens, I can do it because he's right there, helping. Except..." She sniffled. "This time, he won't be, and I don't know how to deal with that. I don't know what to do..." There was a brief pause before she croaked out, "I need him."

Tommy gently stroked her hair in a soothing manner. "I know you do, kiddo, but you're strong, and he'll be back, okay?" There was a small pause. "He will." His tone held a sort of determination, a certainty, one that Andy wanted to feel but couldn't.

"But it's never gonna be the same." She bit down a little harder on her lower lip to stop it from trembling, then waited another moment before attempting to speak again. "I thought..." A strangled laugh escaped her. I thought wrong, that's what... "I don't know what I thought. I was stupid though, so unbelievably stupid. And, now he's gone. He's..."

"Shhhh," Tommy said, holding her a little tighter as another sob wracked through her body.

"I miss him, and he hasn't even left yet. How stupid is that?"

"It's not stupid," Tommy said quietly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head when he felt her grip tighten. "And he isn't gone yet. So, maybe he'll change his mind. Or, maybe going away for a little while will help."

"How is that gonna help?"

"I dunno, sweetie," he admitted. "I don't know."

They remained on the couch, arms around one another, for nearly half an hour more before he finally released her. "I'll be right back," Tommy said, giving her a reassuring smile when she looked up at him with questioning eyes. And, sure enough, he returned just minutes later, a cup of tea in each hand. He set them down, then turned and put a movie in the DVD player, offering up no explanation until he was sitting on the couch beside her again. "It was a bit of a tradition." He paused for a moment, carefully mulling over his next words. "… tea and Pride and Prejudice whenever you were going through a breakup."

"But I'm…" Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. A breakup? But, Sam and I aren't...

Tommy chuckled softly. He couldn't help it. His daughter looked absolutely bewildered, and yet, something in her expression also suggested that deep down she knew that it was, in a sense, true. "You had your heart broken. I'd say that calls for tea and a movie."

Andy stared wide-eyed at her dad – a man who she didn't even remember. Someone she'd really only heard about, and had only seen a few times. It was strange, the feeling that washed over her in that moment. Knowing that she'd forgotten the man who raised her, who helped make her the woman she was today. Stranger still though was the fact that even without remembering things, in this moment she knew, more than ever, that no matter what happened he'd be there for her... to help her through this. Even if Sam wasn't. Because, quite simply, it was clear that Tommy loved her. Adored her. Would do anything for her. It was comforting, just knowing that he was there. The thought made her lips curl upward just a little. Maybe I'm not as alone as I thought. And, maybe I can find a way to live without hurting my dad, like I've hurt everyone else.

"Wanna give it a go?" Tommy asked, gesturing to the TV.

Andy inhaled deeply, then nodded. "How many times have we watched this?"

"We had it memorized."

Her eyes widened again. Was my dating history really that colourful, or did I just take breakups really badly? I mean, I do seem to be crying a lot these days. Wish I didn't, but I do. "And it helps?"

"It has before."

With a small nod, she wiped away the last of her tears and tried to focus on the TV, her mind reeling the entire time.

"Mr. Darcy's a jerk," Andy muttered partway through the movie, though even as she said it, she knew she wasn't being fair.

"He's misunderstood," Tommy argued. "Has trouble expressing himself… how he feels."

Andy worried her lower lip between her teeth as she cast a glance in her father's direction. Like Sam. Is that why he's showing me this movie? Eyebrows knit together, she turned back to the screen. Is Sam really a Mr. Darcy? Kind of tall, dark haired, brooding but handsome? Unable to express himself, to say how he really feels? Closed off? She mentally shook herself. He might be like Mr. Darcy, but I think he made it pretty clear that I'm not his Elizabeth Bennet. I'm just his partner… No, was... I WAS his partner. But, not anymore. More tears pricked her eyes as the dull ache in her chest grew again. Is this really what a breakup feels like? This emptiness. The hurt. Feeling like part of you is missing. Like you aren't good enough. Like you can't live without the person you lost...? She squeezed her eyes shut tight as she rested her head against her dad's shoulder, struggling to block out the pain. I can't change his mind. Can't make him feel something that he doesn't. Can't make him be my partner or my friend, or anything else. Can't stop him from going… or make him stay.

As the movie credits rolled, exhaustion crashed over her, lulling her into a deep sleep. But, just as her eyelids began to droop, she thought: I can't make him stay, but I wish he would.

---

Sam let out a loud groan as he glanced at the clock... 9:37 a.m. "Too early," he muttered, throwing a pillow over his head to block out some of the sunlight that was creeping between the slats of his window coverings. But, just as the thought occurred to him, he flung the pillow off, his eyes darting back to the clock... 9:38 a.m. This time a loud curse escaped him. She's not coming. He laughed dryly. Of course she isn't. You told her you weren't going anywhere, that you wouldn't leave her. That you'd be her partner, and that she wouldn't lose you. But, then you took it all back and you walked out on her. Just left. Turned your back on her when she was crying. Did everything you said you wouldn't do. He sighed rather loudly. "Who needs Tommy? I pretty much just walked her down the damn aisle and handed her off to Callaghan myself."

His mind went back to a conversation he'd had with Traci at the hospital.

"She wanted to talk to you and you shut her down. You rejected her, so of course she went with Luke. He wanted her, and he wasn't afraid to admit it… And you," Traci said, jabbing him with a finger. "You made it seem like you wanted nothing to do with her."

He remained silent.

"All you had to do was fight for her, tell her what you wanted," Traci said. She waited a moment for it to sink in. "There were so many times you pushed her away. After the Gabe and Edie incident, you pushed her back to Luke... After the prisoner transport, you lied to Luke for her and you pushed her back to him... We all see the way you look at her, and the way you get when she's in danger. It's obvious how you feel about her, but anytime she starts leaning more in your direction, you just push her away, so of course she went to Luke, got engaged to him. His priorities are wrong, but he's a good guy, and in her mind, there really wasn't anyone or anything to hold her back."

It was a conversation that had plagued Sam throughout the night, starting from the moment he'd left Tommy's place to the time when he'd finally drifted off into an uneasy sleep. And now the thoughts were back, gnawing away at his mind... his heart. Because, no matter how he looked at things, Traci had been right and, worse still, he had done it again. He'd gone through the same motions and pushed her away. Just shoved her right back to Callaghan, like always. Except, this time he had gone a step further: he'd completely walked away. Did the very thing he promised he'd never do. And for what? To go undercover? To let her go prancing around with the Golden Boy? He knew it was all wrong. He had known as he had spoken the words the night before that it was a mistake. And when he'd started walking away, his gut had told him that he was being an idiot. That he should have stayed, turned back... told her something... anything but what he had said the first time. But, he'd thought that after sleeping on it, he'd feel differently. Or maybe he'd just hoped that he would. It would've made things a hell of a lot easier, that's for sure. Except, sleep hadn't come easily, and after the little bit that he did manage to get, he didn't feel any differently. His gut still told him that he'd made a huge mistake, and this time, he wasn't so sure he could fix it.

Bang, bang, bang.

Sam's eyes widened and his heart rate immediately picked up. McNally? Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, his mouth opened wide in a massive yawn, but it was cut short as his jaws snapped shut again and his teeth ground together. Don't be stupid. It's not her. If she was gonna come, she would've come earlier. So, it's probably just a stupid solicitor. Still, he forced himself to get up and head downstairs to the front door. "Coming," he grumbled, irritation already sinking in. Whoever you are, you're gonna wish you'd knocked on a different door today.

---

Andy let out a shaky breath as she pounded on the door for the third time, her nerves growing with each passing moment. He should be home, she thought as her gaze briefly slid to the truck that sat out front before shifting to the doormat, another bout of uncertainty filling her. Maybe he knows who it is, and doesn't wanna see me... or talk to me. Faint footsteps could be heard. Oh crap, he's coming. Crap. Crap. Crap. What do I do? She mentally shook herself. You can do this. You came here for a reason. You knocked. That was the hard part, right? No... No, it wasn't. Seeing him is gonna be hard. REALLY hard. She heard the lock sliding. Oh god, I think I'm gonna be sick. Nope. No. Just breathe. Breathe and don't cry. Oh, and don't look him in the eye either. Just say what needs to be said. That's it. Then shut your mouth. Leave him be. Don't ramble. Don't touch him. Just a quick in and out.

The door opened.

Run. She started to turn.

"McNally?" Sam breathed, eyes wide as he stared at her in disbelief. She came...

"Umm," Andy choked out, swallowing hard as she turned back toward the front door... to him. "I..." Before she could stop herself, her eyes shot upward, meeting his. No, moron. Look away. Don't do it. She could already feel his eyes pulling her in. Look away before you do something stupid... again.

Sam wanted to reach out for her, but it was clear that she was struggling with something, so instead, he said, "I was starting to think you weren't coming."

Andy's mouth opened to respond, but almost immediately snapped shut again. Just tell him why you're here. No small talk. No talking about last night, or what happened before. No talking about anything, except for... except... His eyes. Why are they so dark? So rich? Warm? Inviting? No. Yes. Ugh. Yes. Definitely. All of that. But, also smouldering. Sexy. So sexy. No. Stop. Just stop. What's wrong with you? Snap out of it. A small whimper escaped her, causing her cheeks to immediately warm as a faint blush crept into them. Idiot. Now what? She forced her eyes downward until they landed on his feet, immediately feeling some of the haze surrounding her thoughts lift. Or so she thought. "I..." Dammit, Andy, you couldn't shut up yesterday and now you can't string a few words together? she silently scolded herself.

Movement on the sidewalk caught Sam's attention... Tommy. And just like that, Sam felt his breath being knocked out of him as realization set in. "You aren't here to..." He paused, anger and regret boiling in his stomach. "... study." He grimaced. What he'd really meant was that she wasn't there to see him, to talk to him about what had happened.

"I..." Just say it. "I think I left my book here," Andy said quietly, keeping her head down.

"Your book," Sam repeated, his voice sounding oddly hollow. She's here to pick up her stupid textbook. How dumb am I? Hoping she'd change her mind... And why? Because I did? Because I think I screwed up, so somehow she's automatically supposed to think she did too? "Okay." The word was flat, almost mechanical, just like his movements when he stepped aside to let her in. As he moved to close the door, his eyes flicked over to Tommy, watching as the man leaned up against his car, arms folded across his chest. If looks could kill, I'd be a dead man right now. Still, he held Tommy's gaze for a moment before closing the door, shutting the man out.

Hearing the door shut behind her, Andy drew in another shaky breath, suddenly feeling trapped. Why did I come here? I should have just left it. Just asked Oliver or Frank if they have a book that I can borrow.

"McNally…"

Heart racing, she blurted out, "Can I…?", one hand wildly gesturing down the hallway, indicating that she wanted to grab her book. She didn't even wait for an answer though. Her feet were already carrying her down the hall, desperate to get out of there before she said or did something to make the situation worse.

Sam automatically followed, his pace quickening to keep up with her, all the while noting her rather distraught movements.

Where the hell did I leave it? She frantically scanned the kitchen, then the living room. There. Her eyes landed on the familiar cover, sitting face up on the coffee table. Okay, just grab it and go. At least, that was the plan. But, as her left hand curled around the spine, something inside of her stirred, causing her to pause while still partially hunched over. Breathe. Don't cry. Just keep it together. One breath. Two. In and out. Just a few more seconds and it's over. Over? The word repeated in her head. No. She squeezed her eyes shut tight. No, it... Ugh. Go. Just go. Her eyes were just starting to open as she whirled around, her left arm hitting something hard. Sam. You touched him. Why did you do that? Why did you...? She practically leapt backward in an attempt to break the contact, the movement causing her to lose her balance.

"McNally..." Sam said, reaching out to steady her, his fingers curling around her arms.

Not again. Don't touch him. Don't... Don't do it... No, wait, he touched me. He did. I didn't... But... I... She swallowed hard when his grip tightened. Focus. Breathe.

"Andy," he said, his voice suddenly soft.

Her lower lip quivered. The tears weren't far off. Time to go. "Thanks," she choked out, before shaking free and quickly sidestepping him in an attempt to make a mad dash to the door.

"Andy," he repeated, this time a little louder, one hand simultaneously shooting back out toward her in a bid to keep her from bolting. But, his fingers only snatched at the air where she'd been standing just a split second before. A low growl erupted from his throat as he lunged forward, desperate to stop her from leaving. Contact. His palms landed on her sides, wasting no time in hindering her movements, forcing her to still. Gentle, but firm. "Stop." As the word slipped out, he turned her toward him and carefully eased her backside up against the wall. His palms then settled on the flat surface on either side of her, preventing her from leaving.

Her heart was thundering in her chest now, though the rest of her body seemed frozen, stilled by the sound of his voice and his close proximity. Why's he doing this? she thought, moisture forming in her eyes despite her best effort to stop it. Why won't he just let me go?

"Stop," he repeated, this time in a whisper.

The book slipped from the grasp of her left hand and hit the floor with a loud thud, but with his breath fanning out across her face and the urgency in his tone echoing in her head, she hardly noticed. "Sam?" she breathed, her tone fearful, yet pleading.

He was very aware of the heavy rise and fall of her chest... the sharp intake of her breath... the small adjustments, as if she was debating moving closer while simultaneously trying to stay back. His eyes lingered on her chest a moment longer before trailing up to her face, watching the way her teeth seemed to unconsciously bite down on her lower lip, gently gnawing on it. He wanted to say something, to tell her how he felt, but the words wouldn't come, so instead, he acted.

One hand rose, hovering for a second, just inches away from her face before slowly moving forward, his thumb pausing on her lips. Her soft, warm, kissable-looking lips. And they were kissable. He'd discovered just how kissable they were the night of the blackout. And, more than anything, in that moment, he wanted to find out again. To rediscover. To explore every inch of her body with his hands and his lips. To show her how he felt. Tell her everything, without words... just actions. Sam inched forward a little more, heart racing and mind reeling. I need her to know.

Fingers now lightly resting on her cheek, Sam waited, watching as her eyes fluttered shut and her head angled ever so slightly into the palm of his hand, an action that he suspected she really wasn't aware of performing. And then his thumb was brushing over her mouth, lightly tugging until her teeth released her lower lip. Still, his hand lingered, while his eyes flicked back and forth from Andy's lips to her closed eyes. I could kiss her right now, he thought. But, just as he contemplated giving into temptation and finally closing the gap, a tear rolled down her cheek, its salty wetness meeting his hand, threatening to seep between his palm and her face. And then there was another, and another. This time, he didn't hesitate. Before the second tear could reach his hand, he pulled her into his chest, wrapping her up in his arms and holding her tight to his body. He could feel her heart beating against him. The tears as they gradually soaked through his shirt. The subtle trembling in her body. And then, little by little, her arms inched upward until they were hugging him back and, for a moment, Sam thought that things might be okay. That they could get through it. All of it. So long as she was in his arms. So long as they were together.

"Andy?" Tommy called out, his voice nearly drowned out by the loud creaking of the front door as he pushed it open a few inches.

A series of curses ran through Sam's head. Not yet, Tommy. Turn around. Go back.

"Sweetie?" Tommy called out again, wondering if poking his head inside would be overstepping his boundaries or if he should consider it a necessary action to protect his daughter.

Feeling Andy's shoulders fall a little, Sam tightened his grip, wanting to turn the man away and keep her there a little longer. But, before he could find a suitable way to get rid of the former detective, Andy was lowering her arms and somehow wedging them between their bodies, forcing Sam's chest to move a couple of inches back from hers. She was pushing him away in what he suspected was more ways than one, and the thought scared him. "McNally, your test is in two days," he blurted out, grimacing the second the words tumbled from his lips. Idiot. That's not what you're supposed to say. It was true, but he knew how bad it sounded given the current predicament. He didn't even need to see her facial expression to know. She really is going to think it's all about the job... this thing between us... Even after what could have just happened, she'll question it. Doubt it. Come to the conclusion that I don't care.

"My dad's going to help me," she said quietly, eyes lingering on a small imperfection in the wall behind him.

"I told you I would." He willed her to look up at him, to understand, but she didn't.

Andy shook her head. "I've bothered you enough." With that, she scooped up her textbook, then forced a small smile. "Goodbye Sam," she whispered, her eyes slowly making their way up to his when she felt his hands settle on her arms again. The lump in her throat grew; the rawness intensified. Swallowing hard, she leaned in, hesitating for a moment before pressing her lips to his cheek. "Be safe," she breathed before breaking all contact with him, taking advantage of the slight falter in his grip... knowing it might be her only chance.

"McNally…?" Do something. Say something. Don't let her leave.

Tears streaming down her cheeks, Andy took off toward the door, barreling passed her dad and not stopping until she was in his car with the door closed.

"Ready?" Tommy asked, after sliding into the driver's seat.

"No," Andy choked out.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Andy shook her head. "Let's just..." She paused. "Let's just get my stuff and... and go camping."

Tommy studied her for another moment before starting up the car and heading for Luke's house, knowing full well that whatever was going on with Swarek was far from being over.

---

Sam stared down the hallway at the closed front door. She'd been right there. Within his grasp, his arms. He'd had her right there. And then he'd let her go… again. Watched her leave. Saw her cry. Let her say goodbye. But it wasn't just a "see ya around". It held more of a permanence. Her tone… her expression… it was like someone had died. Like he'd died, and she was trying to say goodbye, but didn't really know how.

The silence in his house suddenly felt suffocating. Air. I need air, he thought, as his feet carried him toward the front door, flinging it open in his haste to get outside. Gone. His eyes shot from the street to the doormat where she'd been standing mere minutes before. McNally's gone. Feeling a tightness in his chest, his right hand unconsciously rose to rub it, but it did little to ease the pain. Breathe, he silently reminded himself as a gentle breeze tugged at his shirt. Just breathe. So he did. Or rather, he tried, but the oxygen seemed to burn his lungs as he attempted to suck in a deep breath, leaving him feeling lightheaded and weak in the knees. Man up, Swarek, he scolded himself, using the doorframe for support.

When he finally felt some of his strength and composure return, he glanced back inside and shuddered. An emptiness clung to the place, one that he'd never really felt, until now. It was hard not to though. For the last few days, his house had been filled with her chattering. And it had felt right. But now, it was gone. She was gone. And in her place was an eerie and uncomfortable bout of silence. Of nothingness. A reminder of how he'd screwed up. "Idiot," he growled. You either fix this now, or you let her go. But it has to be now.

Digging his phone out of his pocket, he dialed her number.

Voicemail.

We need to talk, he typed, hesitating a fraction of a second before hitting send. He wasn't quite sure what he was going to say yet; he just knew that something had to be said.

Several minutes passed by. Nothing.

He typed some more: I screwed up. As his fingers hit the keys for each letter, a sense of desperation filled him. "Come on McNally, don't leave me hanging," he mumbled. His thumb hovered over the send button. "Don't push me away," he added in a whisper, hating how little control he seemed to have at that moment... not to mention the feeling of vulnerability that was washing over him as he actually sent the text. Those three little words. His confession. Or, one of them anyway.

Still nothing.

With fresh air no longer cutting it, he stepped back inside in search of something stronger. Something to hopefully make him feel better, or at least knock off the edge. Making his way to the kitchen, he grabbed a cold beer from the fridge and downed half the bottle before pacing the length of the room. Back and forth. Six times. Twelve feet each way. One hundred forty-four steps total, albeit, small, shuffling, angry footsteps. "Dammit, McNally," he growled, slamming the bottle on the kitchen counter and sending beer sloshing up the sides. "Why do things always have to be so complicated with you?"

Realizing he was talking to the wall, he stormed into the living room, intent on taking up residence on the couch for the rest of the day. Just drown out everything around him with beer and whatever lame TV shows were on. Except, there was one minor problem: his beer. It was on the kitchen counter. Cursing loudly, he forced himself back up to his feet to retrieve it, but just as he started turning toward the kitchen, something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. Flashing. "What the hell?" he muttered, swinging back toward the living room and the couch, eyes widening as something under the coffee table lit up and caught his attention again. His hands immediately patted the pockets of his jeans, finding his phone safely tucked inside the pocket on the right. If it's not mine, then...? Frowning, he took the few steps forward and reached down, scooping the phone up off the floor. Luke's name and picture were displayed across the screen, the blond hair and blue eyes looming up at him. And beneath it, a simple message: 'We need to talk about what happened yesterday.'

"I'll tell you what happened yesterday, Callaghan. You won. History repeated itself, and you... won," he growled, hitting a button to get the detective's face to disappear. If only it was that easy in real life. One click and he's gone. Out of my sight. Out of her life. And that's when it really sunk in. Andy's phone. Silenced, but still on. What the hell am I supposed to do with it? I don't know where she went, and even if I did, she'd probably realize partway to her destination that it's missing and then come back for it... and I'd be gone. Out, looking for her. His frown deepened. She'll come back for it. So, that means... I stay. I wait. Lock Tommy out if I have to. But, I definitely have to wait. So he did. He waited for over an hour, the pad of his thumb unconsciously sliding over the back of the phone, wondering how neither of them had noticed it fall out of her pocket... until now.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

His head snapped up and, before the third knock, his feet were already briskly carrying him down the hallway. I can't let her leave this time, not without knowing. As he yanked the door open, heart practically in his throat, he said, "McNally, I..." but trailed off. It wasn't Andy. It wasn't even her dad. "Nash?" It came out as a growl, a tone that seemed to stick to nearly everything that came out of his mouth since Andy had left and he'd started... talking to himself.

"Well, hello to you too." Traci quirked an eyebrow as she took in his pyjamas and the scowl on his face. "Get up on the wrong side of the bed?"

"Funny. What are you doing here?"

"Plain and simple, Swarek," Traci said, jerking her thumb over her shoulder to draw his attention to the cab that was pulling away. "We need a ride."

"We?" For a moment he wondered if Andy was with her, though he knew it was unlikely.

"Yeah. We do." She didn't bother clarifying who she meant.

Grinding his teeth together, Sam said, "Well, I'm sure you'll find one." He started to close the door. "But not here."

"Oh, come on," Traci cried out, throwing her body up against the door to keep it open.

"Nash, I'm not going. Never said I was, and that hasn't changed."

"Will you just tell him already?" Gail whined, finally coming into Sam's line of sight.

Great, she meant Peck. Ha. Of course she did. McNally's with her dad or... "Go harass Homicide."

"Seriously, Traci? One little thing. Just one. And you haven't told him yet?" Gail said, exasperated.

"I'm not interested, so..." He waved his hand to indicate that he wanted them off his front steps and out of his sight.

Resisting the urge to glare at Gail, Traci looked up at Sam. "You'll wanna hear this."

"The only thing I wanna hear is silence," he deadpanned, even though it was technically a lie. He actually wanted to hear Andy's rambling. To have her allergy to silence fill his house again.

Traci folded her arms across her chest and scowled back at him. "This is better than silence."

Doubt it, he thought, rubbing his temples upon feeling the onset of a headache.

"So?" Traci pressed, eyeing the dark hallway over his shoulder.

"So?" Sam echoed, not budging.

She gestured wildly toward his house, but said nothing... just gave him a pointed stare.

Sam barely managed to withhold a groan. "You're not gonna leave, are you?" At this rate he was sure that he'd rather deal with a solicitor, figuring it would be easier to get rid of that nuisance than the one in front of him.

Gail bounded up the steps. "Nope," she replied, grunting as she hoisted her bags higher up on her shoulders.

"Two minutes, that's it," he conceded. Then, pinching the bridge of his nose, Sam stepped aside and let them into his house. But, even once they were in his living room and sitting down, nobody spoke. Really? Show up on my doorstep to tell me something and you don't say anything at all? "Great talk," Sam said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Now if you don't mind..." He nodded to the hallway, indicating that they should leave.

"Sam..." Traci began, shifting a little uncomfortably, though it had nothing to do with the couch.

"Kind of a waste of time, don't you think?" he continued, his frustration growing. "Really... you could've already been pitching tents and singing koombaya."

"We need a ride," Traci said. "My car broke down, and the others already left."

"And you're here because...?" Sam pressed. I am NOT giving them a ride. Not happening. No way.

"We need a ride," Gail said, her tone making it clear that the reason should have been obvious. "And since you're going..."

Sam's temper really started to flare. "I'm not going."

"Yeah, you are," Gail argued.

"Peck," he growled. "Let's get this straight, and if you can't hear what I'm saying, then read my lips. I. Am. Not. Going. Got it?" He barely refrained from voicing his other thought: did you hear that through all the ice?

Gail looked over at her friend. "I can't believe you haven't told him yet."

Traci looked down at her hands, guilt washing over her. "We promised her..."

"Yeah, and how do you think she'll feel if she remembers and realizes that we didn't do anything?" Gail shot back.

"I know, I know." Traci hesitated. "I just..." She rounded on her friend. "Wait a minute, you haven't told him yet either, so don't you dare—"

"Andy doesn't even remember me," Gail shot back. "So—"

He'd had enough. "As much as I'm thoroughly enjoying this chat—"

"She was going to break up with him," Traci blurted out.

Sam froze. Surely he hadn't heard correctly. There was no way. McNally had been on the verge of marrying Callaghan. She'd been smiling. Happy. Or so he thought. "What?"

Traci drew in a deep breath. "The morning of the accident, we were late for parade. Remember?"

He nodded. He'd seen Andy come flying into the parade room in the nick of time on a few occasions, but that particular morning she'd been several minutes late. And, when he'd tried to question her about it to see if she was okay, she had merely smiled at him. It was a strange smile. Different from any other one that she'd shot his way, and it had him watching her a little more closely that day. Except, she didn't cave. Didn't crack. Let nothing slip. And that proved frustrating. He was sure that she'd say something. That her allergy to silence would prevent her from keeping quiet about what was on her mind. But, that wasn't the case. He'd listened to her ramble about pretty much everything under the sun, and he'd even heard her sing along to the radio. Yet, not one word was uttered about what was really on her mind. Not one. She just smiled that unfamiliar smile and rambled.

Traci's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. "It's because we were talking... about you."

'About you'. The words echoed in his head. "What?"

"We were umm... well, she, uh..." Traci began, looking to Gail for help.

"I wasn't there for that one," Gail said with a shrug.

"Andy..." Traci tried again.

Sam held his hand up to silence her. "Just stop, okay?" he said. Part of him wanted to know why they'd been talking about him, but at the same time, the constant back and forth of trying to figure out where Andy stood, and where he did in relation to her, was making his head spin.

"But—"

"I already told her I'm leaving." Even as the words came out, he couldn't help but wonder if he actually would... or could go. The fact that she'd walked out on him that morning and hadn't returned for her phone had him questioning for the umpteenth time what the right move was. Should he stay or should he go?

"What?" Traci asked, eyes wide. "You're going? Going where? On vacation? To see family? Where?"

Running a hand over his face, he said, "Undercover."

"No," she said, shaking her adamantly. "It took Andy a long time to finally admit that she wasn't happy with Luke. And she'll get there again. She already knows it. She just has to admit it, and she will, so you can't go... Not now."

He still found it difficult to believe that Andy would ever admit to that. His rookie was stubborn. Sometimes overly optimistic, to the point where she periodically came off as naïve. Just wanted to fix things; never wanted to throw away what could be salvaged. So, unless Callaghan had done something incredibly stupid – dumber than choosing work over comforting his own girlfriend – then he just didn't see McNally giving up on that relationship.

"She was going to break up with him," Traci repeated. "She told us. She didn't beat around the bush. It was outright." When Sam tried to interrupt, she spoke a little louder. "You know what she said? She told us that she couldn't marry Luke and spend the rest of her life questioning if it was a mistake. That she couldn't fake it anymore, just pretend to be happy, because she wasn't. She cared about him, maybe even convinced herself that she loved him, but she finally admitted that she couldn't do it anymore. So, she was going to break off the engagement. Breakup with him. Finally listen to her heart... her gut."

Sam folded his arms across his chest, his teeth clenched together as his temper was knocked up a notch. "Nash, McNally remembers that morning, so do you really expect me to believe she said that and actually meant it, when yesterday we both saw her kiss Callaghan?"

"Andy kissed Homicide?" Gail said, her mouth falling open in shock.

"Gail, that's not helping." Traci shot her friend a look before turning back to Sam. "She didn't say it that morning. She said it the night before when we were having a girls' night."

"So much better, Nash. So you're saying that McNally said it while she was drunk?" His voice was dripping with sarcasm. He faintly remembered Traci mentioning the girls' night while they were standing in 15 Division's parking lot the day before. But, he'd been so angry that he'd immediately dismissed it, and with everything else that had happened, he really hadn't thought about it since.

"No. She wasn't drunk. When she told us, she'd only had a drink or two, but she was fine. So, she knew what she was saying, and... and I could tell that something was bothering her when we first arrived at her place, okay? We both could. And, at that point, she hadn't had a single drink yet."

Gail nodded in agreement.

"Look, if I'd known what was going to happen..." Traci drew in a deep breath. "... then, that morning, I would've gotten her to repeat the stuff about Luke, and the stuff about you. I would have gotten her to say it all. To admit it again. Because then none of this would've happened. But, I didn't know. You didn't know. None of us did. So, she doesn't remember. All she really knows is that there's something she wanted to talk to you about. Something I was encouraging her to talk to you about, but she doesn't know what it is."

His mind was reeling. Was Andy actually going to break it off? Was she serious? He let out a dry laugh. Of course, the moment she decides to breakup with Callaghan, she loses her memory and we go right back to square one. It's all the same. One minute it's like she's in my court, almost exactly where I want her. The next, she's on the other side of the expressway during rush hour, lip-locked with Homicide. She's... Untouchable. Unattainable. Andy. Just Andy. The woman that I... He pushed the thought aside. It'll never change. Things with us... they'll never change.

Seeing his doubt, Gail rolled her eyes. "Look Swarek, I'm only gonna say this once, and the only reason I'm saying it is because I'm sick of seeing the pathetic puppy dog eyes that you guys give each other when you think nobody's looking... It's disgusting, and I really thought things were gonna change since she'd finally stopped lying to herself. But then the stupid accident screwed everything up and here we are again."

"Gail," Traci warned.

Another eye roll. "Whatever. Look, she was gonna ditch him, and she probably will again, so just figure it out before she returns to work, got it? Because, I really don't wanna make throwing up in my mouth part of my daily routine—"

"What the Ice Queen means," Traci interrupted, "...is that Andy figured it out once, so she'll figure it out again."

"That's what I said."

Ignoring the other woman, Traci continued. "The point is, you can't give up, not when you're this close and she knows something's wrong. Not when she knows that she loves you... She just has to admit it again, and she will. But, don't go."

"You play the guitar?" Gail said rather abruptly, rising and walking over to the corner of his living room.

Sam's head snapped in Peck's direction. "Don't touch that."

"Bring it," Traci said to him, a smile spreading across her face as a plan slowly started to form in the back of her mind.

"I told you I'm not going," Sam began.

"Yeah, you are, and if you can play, you're gonna bring that too," Traci argued. "And, you're gonna use it to get her attention. You're gonna make her listen, and the best part... you don't have to say a thing. That will." She pointed to the guitar.

---

Less than 15 minutes later...

Sam bit back a frustrated sigh as he thrust the key into the lock on his front door and turned it. "McNally loses her phone, but I lose her and wind up with Tweedledum and Tweedledee. Great," he muttered, once again finding himself being reminded of the appeal of going undercover... just getting away from the problems plaguing his personal life and throwing himself headfirst into the job, into a life so unlike his own that, despite the risks, it was like a vacation. A means of getting away from everything. But, then the doubt crept back in. The need to stay. The desire... to be near her, to protect her, fight for her.

Pull yourself together, Sam silently scolded himself as he turned toward his truck where two smug-looking faces stared up at him. "Don't kill them. Don't kill them. Don't kill them," he repeated under his breath, inhaling slowly as he reluctantly walked down his front steps. He still couldn't believe that he'd actually agreed to drive them. His disbelief was overshadowed by anger though. Anger that two junior officers had somehow convinced him to drive them to the campsite, a place that was nearly two hours away. The situation was made worse, still, by the fact that neither one was McNally, yet he'd folded anyway. Just crumbled. Caved. Just breathe. Once they're there, you're free. You're just doing this to get rid of them... and maybe to catch a glimpse of 'her'. To see her. That's it. That's all... maybe. You didn't cave to them; you caved to her. Again. Like you always do. Idiot. Reason turned to frustration once more. Same pattern. Same result. Pining over an unattainable woman, like a fool, only to get left in the dust. Still, his feet carried him forward until he was beside his truck. There were times when he wanted to forget about her and just move on with his life, but just like with this op, he always seemed to find himself unable to fully commit to following through. She'd smile at him or touch his arm, and he'd come undone. And it was this ease with which she affected him that had him pulling her close, while simultaneously pushing her away... back to Callaghan. Because, at the end of the day, the thought of being with her terrified him. As much as he wanted her – to be with her – he wasn't sure how to be the man she wanted or needed him to be.

"Ready?" Traci asked when he showed no sign of getting in the vehicle or of letting them in.

"Don't touch anything. No eating... drinking... drooling—" Sam rhymed off in a final effort to deter them.

It didn't work.

"What are we, dogs?" Gail asked, arms folded across her chest.

His teeth pinched the inside of his cheek in a bid to chomp down a retort, but the thought was still loud and clear in his mind. Watch it, Peck or I'll crank the heat and we'll see how well your ice holds up. With a tight-lipped smile, he simply said, "Just get in." When they moved to throw their bags into the back, however, he added, "Leave them." Scratch my truck and you'll regret ever showing up on my doorstep, he thought as he quickly snatched up their bags and gently deposited them in the bed of his truck, then reluctantly climbed into the driver's seat. "Packed enough?"

"Well, we needed food and sleeping bags too," Traci said. "Besides, Gail's the one who packed two bags of personal items."

He cast a glance to his right where Traci sat before eyeing Gail in the rearview mirror. "You do realize it's just one night, right?"

Gail shrugged. "At least I packed something."

Catching the dig, he turned a little in his seat and stared at the blonde woman with narrowed eyes. "I'm not staying," he said firmly.

"Of course not," Traci replied, shooting Gail a knowing look.

"I mean it," Sam insisted.

"Are we going or not?" Gail said, rolling her eyes.

He ground his teeth together as he pulled out onto the street. Just two hours... Two hours, fifty-nine minutes... Two hours, fifty-eight minutes... At least they're keeping quiet... Two hours, fifty-seven minutes... He looked over at Traci before using the rearview mirror to eye the Ice Queen again. Too quiet... Two hours, fifty-six minutes... What are you up to?... Two hours, fifty-five minutes... Couldn't keep them quiet, and now they won't say a word... Two hours, fifty-four minutes...

They were about twenty minutes into the drive when the first break in silence finally came. "Hey," he said, seeing Traci's hand reach toward the radio. "Don't touch that."

"Really, Swarek?" she replied.

He didn't back down. "Rule number one," he reminded her.

"Oh, please," Traci said with an incredulous laugh. "You don't follow rules anyway... Not even your own."

Before he could respond, Traci cut in again, this time mimicking his voice, "I did not ask to train a rookie, I did not ask to have a partner. I'm not your boyfriend. I will not be holding your hand."

His eyes widened as the words stirred up a memory of the first time he was partnered with Andy. It had been his little speech to her. A stupid one, but he was still a little angry about his op and the fact that he was partnered with the rookie who had busted him. How does she...?

Traci attempted Andy's voice this time. "Well, that's great because I don't date cops anyway." She smirked. "Oh, and then you... what was it that you said?"

He knew perfectly well what he'd said, but he wasn't going to repeat it. Hearing that conversation again made him feel like an even bigger idiot.

"Sweetheart, you're not my type... it was something like that, wasn't it?" Traci prodded.

"How...?"

"Miss I Don't Date Cops told me all about it back then. Turns out, both of you were full of crap. I mean, the only honest thing you said was maybe about not asking to train a rookie or have a partner. The rest—"

"I got it, Nash," Sam replied.

"Well, I guess you aren't her boyfriend yet either, but only because you're too—"

"Do you want a ride or not?" Sam asked, knowing he really couldn't dispute anything that had been said. Truth was, everything he'd said he wouldn't do or be to Andy that day was everything he wanted with her today.

"Fine, no radio," Traci said, casting a glance back at her friend. "Hey, Gail, you never did tell me about what happened with that guy from the bar…"

Sam looked over at her before turning his eyes back to the road. Really? Can't they just sit there in silence or something? I thought Andy was the only one with an allergy to silence. Well, maybe Epstein too. When Gail started retelling her version of the night, he cut in. "Fine. Just pick a station and leave it."

Traci smiled, then rummaged through her purse.

"What are you doing?" Sam asked, eyeing the phone and cable in her hand.

"We're not going to have a clear signal the entire way, so I put some music on my phone," Traci said with a small shrug.

"No." He shook his head. They are NOT taking over my truck. Letting them in, in the first place, was bad enough.

"Music or the story," Traci said, struggling to bite back a smirk.

"Just plug the damn thing in," Sam finally relented.

The next half hour was silent, except for the sound of music, but then little by little, he realized Nash was humming. And then Peck too. It was soft at first, but steadily grew in volume until…

"Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy – forget I'm a lady. Men's shirts, short skirts. Oh, oh, oh, really go wild. Yeah, doin' it in style," Traci sang along to the Shania Twain song.

Gail immediately joined in. "Oh, oh, oh, get in the action. Feel the attraction. Colour my hair, do what I dare. Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free. Yeah, to feel the way I feel."

Then, both women turned to look at one another and belted out at the top of their lungs, "Man! I feel like a woman!"

Sam gripped the steering wheel tighter until his knuckles turned white. What the hell did I get myself into? "Turn it off," he growled. Maybe Peck's story will be better. Anything has to be better than this… right?

"I'll find something else," Traci said after a long moment. "Aside from Andy, what do you like?"

He shot her a look. "I could just drop you off on the side of the road…"

Traci held her hands up in defeat. "One Republic…?"

"Rush," Sam grunted.

"Who?"

"Yeah, or The Who," he muttered, remembering Andy asking him that while doing the prisoner transport in Sudbury. The thought of her had him pulling over. "You need to find another ride."

"C'mon, Swarek, we're already halfway there. We can't turn back now."

He stared at the cars passing by for a long moment before getting out of the truck and walking a little ways away, running a hand over his face as he fought another internal battle. I should've just kicked them out. Shut the door. Let them find their own way. Dealt with everything later... with her... McNally. Anger boiled in the pit of his stomach again. If I'd been more careful, more attentive to our surroundings instead of being so focused on Andy's behaviour, I may have seen the guy... I could've shot him before he shot her. Could've stopped all of this from happening. I mean... she was breaking it off with Callaghan, dammit. She was leaving him. And now she's back with him because she doesn't remember. Because I couldn't protect her.

"Sam?"

"Get back in the truck," he growled without turning to look.

"I know it's hard…" Traci began.

"Nash, I don't wanna hear it. I just wanna drop you off and be done with this day."

"I tried calling her seven times between last night and today. Seven, Sam. And she didn't pick up. Not once. Didn't respond to my texts. Nothing."

"I have it," Sam admitted, a bit of guilt creeping in.

"What?"

His eyes remained trained on the road. "She dropped her phone this morning. Maybe an hour before you arrived."

"Well, then she would've seen at least six of my calls," Traci said. "So, don't tell me to stop. Don't even think that I don't know how this feels. That you're the only one struggling with this… Sure, it might not be the same, but this whole thing sucks, okay? And you're not the only one losing someone. I'm losing my best friend."

He drew in a deep breath and slowly turned to face her, his expression softening just a little.

"But, I'm not gonna give up," Traci said, shaking her head. "I'm not giving up on her. And you can't either. Because she needs us."

"She has Callaghan."

"Because we pushed her to him. We did, Sam. And now we need to get her back."

---

Half an hour later...

"We need gas," Sam said, glancing up at the sign indicating that there was a gas station coming up shortly.

"Good because I need to pee really badly," Gail said, bouncing around in the backseat.

"I told you that I could pull over," Sam replied.

"Yeah, and get poison ivy up the yin-yang. No thanks."

Sam cringed a little. "Peck, I really don't want to know what goes on with your..."

"Yin-yang?" Gail said with a smirk.

"Just hold it, we'll stop in about ten minutes, or less," Sam growled.

"Fine. Can we at least listen to the music a little louder?"

"No."

"But it will distract my bladder. Keep me from fouling up your truck," Gail insisted.

Foul up my truck and you're buying me a new one, Sam thought as he reached forward and turned up the music, trying to remember what on earth Traci had said to convince him to stay the course.

"Love The Script," Traci said, clapping her hands together before jumping in:

"She said, 'Is this the life you've been dreaming of

Spending half the day away from the things you love?

It's not too late to do something new.'

She said, 'It's hard enough trying to live your life.

But not following your dreams made you dead inside.

If you don't love what you do.'

And then Gail joined in:

It's not right, it's not right for you

If you even have to think about it

It's not right, it's not right for you

If you really have to think about it.

Breathe, Sam reminded himself. They'll eventually get bored and stop. Or, we'll finally arrive and I can get rid of them.

As the chorus came around again though, his opinion started to change, just as the lyrics had. The first time it slipped out of Traci's mouth, he was sure it was his mind playing tricks on him, but then Gail joined in with the revised version and both women were belting it out.

Luke's not right, he's not right for you

If you even have to think about it

Luke's not right, he's not right for you

If you really have to think about it.

His tongue darted to the inside of his cheek. Maybe they aren't so bad, he thought with a small laugh. But, just as the thought occurred to him, they were pulling into the gas station. "Five minutes and we're out of here, Peck," he said, but the words hadn't even fully left his mouth, and the truck hadn't even come to a complete stop when Gail went flying out of the backseat, darting toward the washroom. Shaking his head, he opened his own door to get out, then hesitated and looked back at Traci. "That song... can you put it on McNally's phone?"

"Yeah," Traci said a little hesitantly. "But why would you want me to?"

He hesitated, not really knowing where the idea came from or why he suddenly felt a renewed sense of fight in him. Maybe it was the fact that they were getting closer to Andy, or maybe it was the song. Either way, he felt it. The need to fight for her. The overwhelming desire to make her understand. "I think Callaghan's number needs a new ringtone."

A smile slowly formed on Traci's face. "Really?"

"Don't you?"

"She's gonna kill us."

Sam shrugged. "Blame it on me."

"No offense Swarek, but you're not exactly technologically savvy," Traci said.

"Then tell her I threatened to drop you off on the side of the road," Sam replied, handing her Andy's phone.

"You did."

"Exactly." He smirked, and with that, he got out of the truck and filled up his gas tank.

---

At the campsite...

"Andy," Luke said sharply, arms folded across his chest.

"I'm sorry, okay? I had a bad day, and I couldn't sit around in the house."

"You told me we were going to talk after," Luke reminded her. "About us."

"Yeah, I know," Andy said, letting out a loud sigh. "I know what I said. And I know yesterday was really confusing."

"I don't think you do know, Andy," he argued. "You kissed me and said you wanted to talk about how to move forward, then you just disappeared. Got up and left. Didn't tell anyone where you were going. And, you didn't pick up your phone."

"I said I was sorry."

"I was worried," Luke said. "What if something had happened to you? You don't even remember the city or your own fiancé. You could've gotten lost or confused... which is why I don't think you should go out on your own anymore."

Andy squeezed her eyes shut tight. I can't deal with this right now. Being rejected by Sam and then having Luke tell me what I can and can't do. It's too much. "Can we not do this now? Please."

"Then when?"

"I don't know, Luke. In an hour. A day. Week. Never. Just... not now, okay?"

"We need to talk about this," he replied. "Not later. Now."

"I know we do, but right now, I need some space."

"Andy," Luke said sharply.

"No, just..." She trailed off at the sound of leaves and branches crunching under tires. Great. Now I have to tiptoe around Traci too. Drawing in a deep breath, she turned, eyes going wide upon seeing the familiar truck. Sam said he wasn't coming. Oh god. I'm not ready to face him. I can't. And then the driver's side door opened and he got out, his eyes almost immediately meeting hers. A series of curses went through her head, but she couldn't look away.

"Sweetie?" Tommy said, gently resting a hand on his daughter's shoulder.

"I... I need to go get..." She shook her head, then turned and abruptly left. She didn't need to get anything, but she did need to go. Sam's gaze was crippling, and if she didn't get away soon, she knew she was going to break down in tears again.

Luke shot Sam a look, then turned to follow her, but Tommy held his arm out. "I've got this," he told the young detective.

---

A short distance down the trail...

"I can ask him to leave…?" Tommy said, his voice quiet as he took up a spot on the large rock beside his daughter.

Andy shook her head, but said nothing.

"You know why he's here, don't you?"

Again, Andy shook her head.

"Because of you," Tommy replied.

"Last night…" Andy began, but stopped to draw in a deep breath. "Well, you probably heard what he said... that he's leaving. Going undercover." He did hear, right? And that's why we watched the movie this morning? Because he knows. He heard... something. Enough to understand what I was blubbering about this morning anyway.

"He also thought you chose Luke."

She looked over at her dad, a frown creasing her forehead.

"Did you?"

"I don't know. I just… I don't know anymore. I mean, I feel like not a day goes by where I'm not confused or scared... where I'm not doubting myself... what I see... what I think... what I feel. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't even know what to think about anything anymore. I'm just tired of crying and not knowing who I am or where my life is going."

"Swarek loves you," Tommy said softly.

"Don't," Andy whispered. She couldn't handle hearing it anymore. Couldn't deal with how it made her feel, knowing that it couldn't possibly be true.

"He does. I saw the way he was with you when you were in the hospital. He was scared, sweetie. Terrified that you might not make it. We all were. But, I know the look in his eyes. And I know what he said last night. I heard it, and I don't get it, but that man loves you and he thinks that he's lost you to Callaghan."

A tear rolled down Andy's cheek. "You sound like Traci."

"Well, she's your best friend. She knows you."

Her head fell into her hands. "Then why can't I believe it? Why can't I see what she does? ... what you do?"

"Do you love Swarek?"

"That—"

"Do you?" Tommy pressed. "Don't think about it. Don't make a list. Just tell me what's in your heart."

Andy nodded slowly. "I think..."

"No, sweetie. Don't think."

"I do," she whispered, her voice cracking a little. "I know I shouldn't, but…" She bit down on her lower lip. "Every time I'm around him, I feel alive. Like everything's going to be okay, even if I never remember my past."

"Did you tell him that?"

"I can't," Andy said. "Traci's been telling me all of these things about him, and now you are too, but I can't see it… I've tried. I really have. I've watched him and I've listened to him, but every time I start thinking that maybe there's more to us than just partners, it's like…" She shook her head. "It's like he keeps pushing me away. And, now he's leaving."

"Talk to him," Tommy said, wrapping an arm around her. "Talk to him before it's too late."

"I want to... I do, but what if he's better off without me in his life?" Andy said quietly.

"Maybe you should let him decide that."

"He already did, remember? He's leaving."

"Because he doesn't know. Men are stupid sometimes. Blind. Maybe he should know how you feel, but it doesn't mean that he actually does. So, tell him."

They sat in silence for a long moment. "Did you love mom? When she left, did you love her?"

"Yeah, kiddo, I did."

"So what happened?"

Tommy sighed. "Things change." He shrugged. "She wasn't happy anymore. I was busy with work, and when I wasn't, I got caught up with the bottle. It's my fault."

"Did you fight for her?"

"Not as much as I should have," Tommy admitted.

"Why not?"

"Because I made a mistake. I thought that she'd come back."

Andy frowned. "And she never did?"

"No, she didn't. I fought for awhile, then kind of gave up. Thought maybe giving her some space would let things cool down. That, maybe she'd be happy, and she'd come back to us so we could try to be a family again. But, I guess I didn't fight hard enough. Didn't tell her what she needed to hear."

She hesitated, mulling over his words. Through it all, she couldn't help but wonder if that's how things would be with Sam. If she didn't say anything or fight for him, would he leave and never come back? But, more importantly, could she even tell him how she felt? Face being rejected again? "You like him, don't you?"

"Swarek?"

Andy nodded.

"I hate what he did last night… that he made you cry, but he's a standup guy. I think he's just a little lost right now."

"Lost?"

"About how he fits into your life," Tommy said with a pointed look.

"And what about Luke?"

"He's… a solid detective."

"You've never asked to see him," Andy said slowly. "Never even ask how he is."

Tommy got to his feet. "We should probably head back."

Her eyebrows shot upward. "You don't like Luke, do you?"

"They'll uh... they'll probably need help settling in... setting things up."

Andy's eyes widened. He's avoiding the question. "Why don't you like him?"

"He never put you first," Tommy said after a long moment.

---

Back at the camp…

"Hey, Swarek, grab the fly."

Sam's eyes shot over to Callaghan. "What?"

"Grab the rain fly."

Sam scanned the horizon, wondering why on earth he had to grab a stupid fly. We're in the forest. There's probably more than one fly or bug around here.

"I don't have all day, Swarek. And, this tent won't put itself together. So, do me a favour and hand me the fly," Luke said.

Do you a favour, Callaghan? Are you kidding? I practically handed you your fiancé on a platter. Might as well walk her down the aisle and hand her to you then too. I pretty much already did, anyway. So, isn't that enough? Nevertheless, Sam stared at the remaining tent pieces which were scattered on the ground near his feet. If a rain fly isn't an insect, then what the hell is it? Probably not a pole... or the pegs... So then, the...? He didn't have to wonder long because just seconds later, something warm and soft was touching his right hand, depositing an object into it. His fingers automatically curled around the material and the hand. And then there was a small tug. Just a bit of movement as the hand started to pull away. But, he didn't let go. Didn't want to. Warmth was spreading from the tips of his fingers, all the way up his arm to the rest of his body, leaving him with a comfortable tingling feeling. So, in a bid to keep the warmth there, his grip tightened just a little.

"Umm...?" Andy began, sounding unsure of herself.

It was only then that his eyes shot to the right and he saw Andy's big brown ones staring up at him in confusion. And in that moment, the reason he felt so warm finally dawned upon him... Her. The hand belonged to her, and he was physically holding her there with his own. Real subtle, Swarek, he thought as he continued to look at her. Smooth. You think if you just keep holding on, she'll actually go along with it?

"So...?" Andy tried again, but she was at a loss for words, so instead, she fell silent and waited, her heart pounding heavily in her chest all the while.

Okay, maybe she will go along with it. But... she seems nervous. Sad, even, but definitely nervous. And she's trembling a little. Not visibly, but I can feel it. Still, she isn't running... why? Hearing rustling to his left, he cleared his throat, quickly released her and muttered, "Thanks."

She merely nodded and stepped back, eyes cast downward as she struggled to maintain control over her emotions. What was that? What... What the hell was that? She internally shook herself. Not now. Just try to get through this trip and then talk to him after... if he... if he'll let me. Maybe if I try holding his hand, he'll stick around long enough for me to maybe form a coherent sentence. With that in mind, she turned to go, but she didn't get very far.

Sam's hand shot out toward her, his fingers curling around her hand again. "What do I do with it?" he asked her, completely ignoring Callaghan and the others now. He just wanted to keep her there. Feel the warmth again.

"What?" Her eyes trailed up to his, searching. Why's he asking me?

"This thing," Sam said, barely managing to get the words out. There was something in her expression that had his mouth going dry and his palms feeling a little sweaty.

"Uh..." She blinked hard. This thing? Right. The rain fly. "Oh. Umm, nothing," Andy replied, her voice unusually quiet. "I mean... it's... later... it's umm... it's for later." She silently cursed herself.

Sam frowned. Why are you so nervous, McNally?

She drew in a deep breath and pointed to the tent she'd set up with her dad. "Goes on later." When she felt a blush start to creep into her cheeks from the intensity of his stare, she blurted out, "It umm, it's to direct the rain away from the tent. I mean, I think that's what my dad said today. Of course, I don't remember from when I was a kid." She fell silent and awkwardly shifted her weight from one foot to the other before firmly planting them both.

"Swarek?" Callaghan said rather loudly.

"You don't need it yet, Callaghan. It goes on later," Sam replied, his eyes never leaving Andy. He could have sworn her lips twitched, but then the sadness was back.

"Andy," Luke said, his blood boiling when he walked around the tent and saw Sam and Andy holding hands. In an effort to get her away, Luke took her other hand and pulled her toward the tent, forcing them to break contact. "The last pole..."

She yanked her hand away, letting both palms settle on her hips. "Was that really necessary?"

Luke eyed her for a moment. "I think you should stay away from him."

Her mouth fell open in disbelief. "What?" Is he actually trying to tell me what to do again?

"I'm serious, Andy. You've been around him too much lately and look at you. You're an emotional mess. You're talking back, lashing out. It needs to stop." There was a small pause. "You need to stay away from him."

Andy let out a loud, frustrated breath. "You know, I think that's the least of your worries." With that, she turned and started walking around the other side of the tent.

Luke quickly followed. "What does that even mean?"

"He's leaving. Going undercover. Okay?" Andy blurted out.

"So then what should I be worried about, Andy?" Luke pressed.

Seeing that all eyes were on them, she swallowed hard but didn't answer.

"Well?"

"Don't you have a tent to pitch, Callaghan?" Sam intervened, stepping forward and physically placing himself between Luke and Andy. "After all, the tent won't put itself together, right?" he added, throwing the detective's words back at him.

"Stay out of this, Swarek," Luke snapped, jabbing his forefinger into Sam's chest.

Sam merely responded with a tight-lipped smile. "I'd think about your next move very carefully if I—"

"So this tent..." Andy said loudly, stepping around Sam and inching toward the tent, desperate to put an end to the tension, or at least minimize it.

Luke continued to stare at Sam for another moment before backing down and retreating to the opposite side of the half-pitched tent, the last remaining pole in his hand.

"Remember what we talked about before?" Traci quietly reminded Sam, trying to divert his attention enough so that he'd calm down. But, it didn't really work.

His gaze remained trained on Andy, watching as she grabbed the end of the pole and moved to put it in the loop at the base of the tent. Just seconds later though, a cry escaped her and she stumbled backward, her left hand rising to rub her jaw. His blood was boiling. Callaghan hurt her.

"Sam, no," Andy said, her right hand rising to stop him from moving forward even more than he already had. "It was an accident." Her voice was quiet, too quiet for Luke to hear.

It may have been an accident, but it could've been avoided if the idiot hadn't been so aggressive on his end, Sam thought. And there was no denying it. Luke had used far too much force, thereby yanking the pole out of Andy's hands and sending it snapping up in her face.

"It's fine," she breathed, hand now on his chest, feeling his heart racing beneath his shirt.

Her touch had his eyes back on her. "It's not fine."

"It was nothing... Just caught me by surprise."

He drew in a calming breath, then gently turned her head to the side and then up a little so that he could see the damage Callaghan had done.

"It was my fault," she whispered. Seeing his mouth open to argue, she shook her head. "Just let it go."

"Did you put it through the loop?" Luke called out, oblivious to what was going on.

Seeing the anger flash in Sam's eyes, she pressed a little harder against his chest. "Please? Just let it go."

"McNally..."

"I'm fine," she said, quickly bending down and shoving the pole through the loop before reaching for some pegs and driving them into the ground with a little more force than was necessary. She couldn't deny that she was angry, so she couldn't exactly blame him for being upset too, although she was a little surprised by how protective he was being of her, particularly given everything that had happened. Still, the camping trip was proving awkward enough. The last thing she wanted was for everything to escalate. Trying to push the thought aside, she reached for a third peg, startled when a hand moved in front of her face and hovered there. A hand that she recognized. One that – since returning to camp – seemed determined to stay close to her at all times. "Thanks," she muttered as her hand rose to accept the peg. Once again though, she found Sam's fingers curling around her hand, sending waves of heat through her body. Her eyes shot up to his, silently questioning him. What are you playing at? I don't get it. I really don't. One second you're pushing me away and the next you're holding me close. One moment you don't seem to want anything to do with me and the next you look like you want to pummel Luke over something so small. Not to mention all of this touching. If you're leaving to get away from me, then why are you here now? Why do you keep holding me? Pulling me close? I just... I don't know what you're trying to do... what you want from me. She inwardly sighed. Sometimes I wish you'd make things simple and just spell it out for me.

Sam glanced to his right, but Callaghan was lost on the other side of the tent, completely blocked from view. "We need to talk," he said, kneeling so that he was level with her, his hand still clutching hers. For some reason she seemed to be responding more to him when he held it than not. In any case, she seemed to listen more. And, he really didn't mind holding her hand, even if he'd never really considered himself a hand holder before.

Before she could so much as nod, Traci said, "Alright, so who's sleeping where?"

Gail immediately sidled up to Traci.

Andy, meanwhile, froze. Sleeping arrangements were one thing she hadn't thought about... at all. Her eyes scanned her surroundings. Six people. Three tents. She wasn't on good terms with Traci, but given that Gail had already paired up with the woman, it didn't really matter. Except, that only left Luke, Sam, and her dad. The overbearing fiancé, the man she couldn't get to stay, and the guy she had no recollection of being raised by. Breaking contact with her former partner, she resumed a standing position, then turned toward her dad. "Can I...?"

"Just like old times," Tommy said softly, stepping up beside his daughter and resting a hand on her shoulder as he smiled down at her and nodded.

"Andy—" Luke began.

"Alright, so that leaves Callaghan and Swarek," Traci interrupted.

"I'm not staying," Sam reminded her, feeling significantly better about his decision to just drop them off now that Andy had chosen to share a tent with her dad. When all eyes shot to him, he held his hands up. "Didn't bring anything."

"You have your work bag in the back," Gail said. "Pretty sure you have a change of clothes in there. And, we brought extra food and drinks, and an extra sleeping bag."

Sam hesitated. "I have this thing… with Oliver…"

"Oliver said you're free," Traci pointed out.

His eyebrows shot upward. "You talked to him?"

"No," Traci said with a smirk. "But I figured you'd try to come up with some kind of lame excuse to back out, and it turns out, I was right. And don't even try to deny it. This detective caught you in a lie."

"If Swarek doesn't want to stay, then let him go," Luke insisted.

Sam ground his teeth together. Ignoring the blond detective, he argued, "I never said I was staying, Nash. You harassed me for a ride, and I gave you one to get rid of you." The second the words left his mouth, he regretted saying them, especially when his eyes landed on Andy.

"Now do you get it?" Andy muttered to her dad before retrieving her belongings from the car and tossing them in her tent. Sam's only here because he drove Traci and Gail. He doesn't actually wanna be here. And he sure as hell didn't come for me. She zipped the tent back up, then slowly turned to face the group. He probably only said he wants to talk to me because he was offered a UC gig and he's leaving sooner than expected. Don't know why he's even bothering to tell me though. He doesn't owe me anything.

Sam hesitated. There was something in Andy's disposition that had him fighting an internal battle. The thought of spending a night in the wilderness had never appealed to him, and yet, her reaction to his words had him wondering if he should stay. If he needed to.

"You should probably go before it gets dark," Luke suggested, desperate for Sam to leave.

But, Sam didn't hear Callaghan. At least, he showed no signs of hearing the man. His focus was still on Andy and it remained there, even when her gaze finally shifted back up to him and she caught him staring. "Maybe I will stay," he said after a long moment of studying her. The declaration had Andy's glossy eyes widening. Still, she looked upset. Surprised, but upset. "In case there are any cats or bears." His mind momentarily went back to her imitation of a cat in 15 Division's parking lot. But, seeing the slight shift in Andy's expression, he knew that she was thinking about it too.

Luke folded his arms across his chest. "If there are any bears, I'll protect them."

"With what? Your hands? Because last I checked, you lost during retraining. Badly," Sam shot back. "So, good luck with that."

"You know, my tent is pretty small and I don't think we'll both fit, so you should go home, Swarek. Wouldn't want your old bones to be sore in the morning."

"And miss all of this? I don't think so," Sam replied. "So, better cuddle up real close, Callaghan."

"Didn't think you cuddled," Luke retorted. "I thought you just slept with women, plain and simple. No attachments."

Andy's eyes shot downward and, with it, her heart. He just sleeps with women? No attachments?

Sam stared at her in silence, his retort lost as concern took over. Don't believe him, McNally. I'm not like that anymore. That's not what I want... with you.

"Why don't we go for a walk?" Tommy suggested, his gaze sliding from his daughter to Sam and back again.

The idea was intended to give people a chance to cool off a little, to just enjoy the scenery. But, the tension followed them, even with the group separating so that large gaps were between individuals or pairs.

"Didn't think you'd actually stay," Luke said, as he stepped up beside Sam, intent on settling things once and for all.

"Couldn't resist," Sam replied, biting back a frustrated sigh. Does he really want to do this again? Test my patience? See how many times he can come at me before I knock him flat?

Luke gave him a thin smile. "Well, you'd better learn how."

Sam looked around to make sure the others weren't close enough to witness this round of... well, whatever this was. Nobody was in sight. "Is that a threat?"

"A friendly reminder," Luke replied, neither his tone nor facial expression failing to reveal his displeasure.

"Yeah? And what are you trying to remind me?" Sam knew he should just ignore the guy, but his temper was getting the better of him. And, at the moment, the only thing that seemed more appealing than giving into temptation and pummeling the detective was giving into the temptation of kissing Andy. Punch him and you might send her running back to him for good.

"To keep your hands to yourself."

Sam's fingers curled until his hands formed fists. Don't punch him, he silently reminded himself. "What I said earlier was a joke." Keeping his eyes straight ahead, he added, "And we might be sharing a tent, Homicide, but I'm going to be as far away from you as possible."

"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it."

Sam stopped walking and turned to face the detective. Bad move. Keep walking before you hit him. "What I know," he began, "Is that I'm going to help my partner pass her tests." He took a small step toward the man, his blood boiling and his adrenaline pumping. Walk away before you give in. Just walk. It doesn't matter if he deserves it; McNally might not think so. "I'm gonna help her get back on the streets." He ground his teeth together, and before he could stop himself, he growled, "And I'm gonna make damn sure that she doesn't marry you."

"What?" Luke said, rounding on Sam, his hands balled into fists now too.

"Better get used to it, Callaghan, because I'm not going anywhere... unless she does too. So, you're gonna see this face everyday... with hers."

"Stay away from her, Swarek."

Sam held his ground. "Keep your hands to yourself, Callaghan," he said, throwing the words back at the man. He didn't care how Luke took it... whether the guy saw it as a warning to not touch Andy or a warning that now wasn't the time to pick a fight. He ultimately meant both, though he'd much rather engage in a physical fight than witness more of that.

Homicide's entire demeanour changed. "The only person I'll have my hands on is Andy… my fiancé."

"You know, that's gonna be hard when Tommy's in her tent and I'm in yours," Sam said with a smirk, completely unfazed. He hated the idea of sharing a tent with Callaghan, but at least this way he knew Andy wouldn't be sharing one with the man.

"Everything okay here?" Tommy asked as he came into view.

The two men stared at one another for a few more seconds before Luke stormed off. "Just great," Sam muttered, watching Callaghan's receding back.

"I thought my daughter using the word 'fine', when she's anything but fine, was bad enough. 'Great' is a little overboard, don't you think?"

Sam's gaze shifted to the older man, but said nothing.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?"

"Your future son-in-law is a real... peach," Sam said, the words leaving a bad taste in his mouth.

Tommy raised an eyebrow. "We both know she's not marrying that guy."

He studied Andy's dad for a long moment. "Has she told you much?"

"She may have lost her memory, but she hasn't lost her ability to talk."

"So, you know?"

Tommy folded his arms across his chest. "She told me some things, but I also heard what you said to her last night."

Sam grimaced. Great. I figured he'd overheard some things, but who knows what she told him too...

"And what I don't understand is why you're leaving instead of telling her the truth..."

"I..."

"...because you do love her, don't you?" Tommy pressed.

Sam stared at the man, wide-eyed. Did he really just ask me if I love his daughter? After everything, he asks THAT?

"Don't you?" Tommy repeated. When Sam still didn't answer, he nodded. "I was rooting for you. But, after all this time, it turns out I was wrong." He paused for a moment. "You're a good guy, Swarek. I've always thought that, but maybe you aren't what she needs. At least, not outside of her professional life." With that, Tommy turned and continued down the trail, hoping that he'd said enough to evoke a reaction from the other man. And he had.

The words caused uncertainty to wash over Sam – fear that he couldn't be the man Andy needed him to be. But then stubbornness and determination kicked in. "Tommy," he said, loud enough to stop the man in his tracks. He took the few steps toward the man and drew in a deep breath. "Last night, you said that you didn't think she chose him. Why?"

"Just let it go," Tommy said, intending for it to be a means of testing Sam's commitment to his daughter. To see if Swarek would actually let it go or if he'd put up a fight.

"No... I... I can't."

"Why not? You don't love her. You don't—"

"I do." It came out sounding winded, as if saying it knocked all of the air out of Sam, but it was audible and the meaning was still clear.

There was a stretch of silence. "You do?"

No longer trusting his voice, Sam simply nodded.

"Then why are you leaving?"

"I..." Sam shook his head. "I don't think I am."

The corners of Tommy's lips curled upward. "Good... because she didn't."

"Didn't what?"

"Choose Callaghan."

Sam frowned. That's not even an answer. "How...?"

Tommy pointed to a rock in the distance. "See that? A few hours ago, maybe less, we were sitting on that rock and she told me. But, she really didn't have to." There was a small pause. "This morning reminded me of when she was in high school... breaking hearts. Having her own broken. And, I know my daughter, Swarek – she was heartbroken."

"Has she talked to Callaghan?"

"He's tried, but she's been avoiding him since he got here," Tommy replied. "Or... trying."

Sam merely nodded.

"So if you're offered an op...?" Tommy tried again.

"The op is the least of my worries," Sam replied.

"Callaghan?"

"Has always been a problem. The can of worms I just opened though... that's—"

"Progress," Tommy supplied.

A small laugh escaped Sam. "Your opinion might change back at the camp." The thought had him inwardly groaning. It's going to be one hell of a night. A long one. Miserable. Tense. Frustrating. Turning what was intended to be an enjoyable trip into what will likely be deemed as the worst one in 15 Division's history.

"I think a lot of things will. In fact, they already have."

"Your daughter is stubborn."

"So are you," Tommy replied. "But if you're really in it this time..."

"I wouldn't be having this conversation otherwise, and I sure as hell wouldn't be here," Sam said, taking in his surroundings again.

Lips twitching a little more, Tommy nodded and started to back away. "I hate to say this, but I don't think I've seen two bigger idiots in my life."

"Try telling Callaghan that."

"I wasn't talking about Callaghan," Tommy said before turning and walking away, leaving Sam standing alone on the path.

---

Further back on the trail...

Andy bit down on her lower lip and worried it between her teeth as she cast a nervous glance in Traci's direction. They hadn't spoken since the night before. Although, technically, there seemed to be more yelling than simply speaking. But, it had been a breaking point, of sorts. And, a lot of harsh or hurtful things had been said... on both sides. Things that had slipped out in the heat of the moment. Things that had fuelled the fire, sending the two women into a downward spiral that ultimately left Andy wondering if walking away from the people she cared about was the best way to protect them... to avoid hurting them even more. But, the last few hours in particular had her missing her friend like crazy and, ultimately, rethinking her flimsy plan. "I, umm... I'm sorry for what I said yesterday." Her voice was quiet and laden with guilt.

"Sweetie, I get it... sort of," Traci replied. "And, I'm sorry too. But, not because I didn't mean what I said. It's because you were right – I don't know what it feels like to be in your shoes, and me going at you like that isn't going to help. I need to be more understanding. It's just... it's hard because I want you to see things the way I do. The way so many of us do." She paused. "I just don't wanna sit back and watch you go through with something that I think you'll wake up one morning regretting. And that's why I'm maybe being so hard on you. Because I want to help. I do. But maybe I'm not going about things the right way."

"I know you do." And she did. She knew that Traci wanted to make things easier, but the whole situation was complicated and despite everything her friend had told her, Andy was still struggling to grasp everything. "And I appreciate you trying to help. It's just... it's so confusing. All the time. And, every time I think I've got things figured out, I'm thrown for another loop."

"Maybe it's time to start being completely honest with yourself and with..." Traci trailed off, not wanting to push things too far.

Andy merely nodded, welcoming the more comfortable silence that washed over them as they continued to make their way down the dirt path. The silence didn't last long, however, especially when her thoughts turned back to Sam and Luke. "Are men always confusing?"

"Pretty much," Traci replied with a small smile. "They seem to be either super simple or frustratingly complex."

Again, they grew quiet. Great, Andy thought. Guess I didn't find super simple. Not even simple. Just complex and frustratingly complex, but I'm not really sure who to classify as what. Realizing she was putting Luke and Sam on the same playing field – though not necessarily on the same level – her cheeks warmed.

"Things between you and Sam seem... different," Traci said.

Andy sighed. "Yeah, well, I mean, he's leaving... Told me last night." There was a small pause. "And I don't get it. One second he's set on ditching me and it's like he could disappear at any given moment. Next thing I know, he's here... today... and..." She swallowed hard. "He's here because he gave you guys a ride. I know that. But, he's still here, and I really don't understand why."

"Did you ask?"

"No, but he said we need to talk."

"That's good then," Traci said with a soft smile.

Andy hesitated. "Is it? I mean, what else is there for him to say? He's already made his point. Loud and clear. He's going and I need to deal with it. So, why is he making this harder? If he's going today or tomorrow, maybe it's easier if I don't know... If he just goes. So, if that's what he wants to tell me..."

"I think you need to hear him out. See what he has to say. I mean, sure, he's a man of few words, but give him a chance and he might surprise you."

Andy glanced over at her friend. "Maybe," she said rather skeptically. Doubt it. He's had a lot of chances to talk. Remembering what Luke had said, Andy let out a loud breath. "Was Luke right about him? With what he said about Sam and women?"

"Maybe that was him at one point, but not since he met you. Not since we all started at 15," Traci said. "He... he was seeing someone early on... sort of." Seeing Andy quirk an eyebrow, Traci added, "It wasn't serious, and I think it died off pretty quickly. Jerry thought it ended because of you. Nothing you did, per se, but just because he met you. I mean, Sam... he... he has always been different with you, Andy. And, from what I've heard and seen, he's never shown any interest in another woman since he met you. He's changed."

"But it's been so long," Andy said in disbelief. "It's... it's been a long time and I've been with Luke, right?"

"Can't really change how you feel, can you?" Traci said with a pointed look.

Deciding to change the topic, Andy asked, "So how are things with Jerry?"

"Better," Traci replied.

"I want to like him."

"I know you do, sweetie."

"He's not a bad a guy," Andy continued.

"You just got a bad impression of him, that's all," Traci replied. "In time, maybe that will change. I mean, you liked him before, so anything can happen."

Andy nodded. "I hope so."

Traci reached over and linked arms with Andy, giving her another soft smile. "You and me, we're gonna be okay, you know that?" Her step faltered as her eyes landed on Sam, and a little further in the distance, Tommy. "But, uh, I need to ask your dad something, so we'll talk more later, okay?"

Following her friend's gaze, Andy opened her mouth to argue. She wasn't ready to face Sam, not alone anyway. "Traci," she said, her tone pleading. "No. Please. Don't."

"Mr. McNally," Traci called out as she broke free of Andy and ran after Tommy.

"Traci," Andy hissed, but her friend wasn't stopping. Great, she thought. Now what? Do I walk with him? Behind him? What am I supposed to say? I'm not ready. I'm an emotional mess. Her gaze shifted until it was on Sam. He's not moving. He's waiting... for me? She drew in a deep breath. Stop being so awkward. You probably look like a deer caught in headlights. So, move. Walk. One foot, then the other. You can do this. I mean, maybe he won't even want to talk. Or, maybe he won't want to walk with you. But then... that's not what I really want, is it? I don't want him to go. To leave. Okay, so just walk and breathe. We're almost back at the camp now anyway... I think. So, no big deal. I can do this. She took a hesitant step forward. That wasn't so bad, was it? She took another step, and then another, until her feet continued the motion toward Sam. He's still staring. Do I have something on my face? Does he not want me to...? She let the thought hang as she reached him, a small wave of relief passing over her when he turned and started walking with her, his pace matching hers. But, neither one said a word as they made their way along the trail.

Her heart started racing. Her palms felt sweaty. And the longer they walked together in silence, the more intense everything seemed to feel. "I... didn't think you'd stay."

"Neither did I," Sam replied, casting a glance in her direction.

She wet her lips in a bid to bring some moisture back into them, but her whole mouth suddenly felt dry. "So why did you?"

"You."

Andy's head snapped in his direction. Me? "What?"

"You," Sam repeated, meeting her gaze for a moment before looking straight ahead, finding himself hard-pressed to withhold a smirk upon seeing her disbelief... her sheer incredulousness as she tried to determine if she'd heard correctly.

"I..." Me? she thought again, her eyebrows furrowed as she stared at him. But...? What did...? Why...? That... Huh?

Seeing the tents in the distance, he reached his arms out toward her, bringing both his body and Andy's to a halt. "We need to talk."

She merely nodded, but remained facing forward on the trail. He said that already.

"But not with him around," Sam continued, hands automatically gravitating toward her hips in a bid to turn her toward him.

"Okay," she said quietly, as her body automatically obeyed his touch, seemingly unfazed by the fact that he'd grabbed her in a way that was less befitting partners and more befitting lovers. I wonder if he touches everyone else this much? Might be weird. Yeah, it would be, actually... Right? I mean, he touches me a lot. He's always so warm though. It's nice. Except, then my insides go all... well... they do something. It's like they're mushy or whatever. But warm and tingly at the same time.

"Later," he added, his palms still planted on her sides, just in case she decided to run.

"Okay," Andy repeated, the word barely audible. Probably shouldn't look into his eyes. Shouldn't be doing a lot of things, really.

"McNally?"

"Uh huh?" she breathed, feeling his hands slide up until they rested on her arms. Was I this much of an idiot around him before the accident too? I mean, I can barely spit out a coherent sentence whenever he's this close. Why is he so close to me anyway? Maybe he thinks I'll start bawling on the ground when he tells me he's going undercover sooner than expected? So, a pre-emptive measure, perhaps? But I won't. Right? I'm done crying. All cried out? Ha. If only.

"We're not done."

"What?" she asked with a frown, but he was already heading back to the camp. Umm, hold on. What? We're not done what? Did I miss something? Zone out for an entire conversation? What aren't we done with? She stared at him as he walked away. Hey, hold on. Where are you going? I need to know what that means. "Sam?"

His movements stilled, but it was another second before his head turned so that he could look at her over his shoulder.

She quickly caught up to him. "What does that mean?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose, cursing himself for stopping... and for Luke being around.

"You wanted to talk, so talk," Andy said, her voice louder than she intended it to be.

"Later."

"When? When you're gone? If you know when you're leaving then—"

"Tomorrow."

Her face fell. "You're leaving tomorrow?"

"No. I meant, come see me tomorrow and we'll talk," Sam said, barely able to contain a frustrated sigh. He knew that she wanted answers, but it wasn't a conversation he would willingly step into with Callaghan around... Especially not when the man seemed determined to keep Andy away from him. The thought had Sam glancing back toward the camp, surprised to find the trail ahead of them empty and Homicide nowhere in sight.

"But..."

"I can't do this with him around, McNally. So..." He hesitated. "...come by my place tomorrow." Seeing her gaze shift downward, he added. "Will you do that? Please..."

His tone had her eyes trailing upward again. She really didn't want to wait. As it was, she was already at her wit's end, and having to wait practically a whole day to find out if he was leaving or not, and to see what else he might have to say, wasn't going to make things any less stressful or emotional. Still, she had to know. "Okay," she whispered, reaffirming her decision with a small nod.

"Okay," he echoed, the corners of his lips tugging upward just a little as a sigh of relief escaped him.

---

Back at the camp...

The second they stepped foot in their campsite again, Andy could feel a shift in the air. A palpable tension. Made worse by the rather accusatory look that Luke was sending her way. Her eyebrows knit together in confusion, and her step faltered, causing Sam to look over at her questioningly.

"Did I do something wrong?" she whispered.

Sam grimaced. "No." His voice was low enough that only she would hear it.

"Then why...?"

"It was me." He glanced at Callaghan, then back at her. "That... is because of me."

"What?" she blurted out, head swivelling in his direction. Did something happen on the walk?

He merely shook his head. Now isn't the time.

"Hey Swarek," Luke called out. "Why don't you start us a fire while I sort out the food situation?"

Sam ground his teeth together. "You probably read a manual for it, Callaghan, so why don't you show us how it's done?"

Andy's eyes slid from Sam to Luke and back again. There was a definite hostility in the way both men were speaking and an obvious tension in their body language. One that hadn't been nearly this apparent before. Sure, things had been rough prior to the walk, but the way they were currently looking at one another and standing made it clear that things had gotten significantly worse. What's going on?

"Oh, boy," Tommy said, letting out a whistle. "Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but this old man wants a real meal right now – not a can of worms – so how about I make the fire this time?"

Her gaze shifted to her dad. A can of worms? Ewww. Nasty. Wait... what? What is he talking about?

"Sweetie, you wanna help?" Tommy asked, as he tried to gauge his daughter's reaction to what was going on.

"Uh... yeah," she said, suddenly feeling uncomfortable as all eyes turned in her direction. Why does it feel like everyone knows something that I don't?

Ringing cut through the brief silence.

"Callaghan," Luke said, connecting the call. "What? No. Hold on. You're cutting out." He walked away from the camp, his voice gradually fading the further he got.

"So, what's going on?" Andy asked as she passed her dad some firewood.

Tommy hesitated.

"Dad?"

Hearing her call him that had his heart warming. "Uh..." Tommy shot Sam a look, silently asking for help.

"Your... fiancé and I had another disagreement," Sam said, barely managing to choke out the word 'fiancé'.

Andy frowned. Then why does Luke seem mad at me? More so than before the walk? I haven't even spoken to him since. Haven't really done anything to make things worse either, have I? And, what does their disagreement have to do with the way everyone else is behaving? She looked over at Traci and then Gail. Both women suddenly seemed to be very interested in finding food in the coolers. Her gaze shifted to her dad again, but even he appeared to be more focused on making a fire now. In fact, the only person who was still looking at her was Sam, though he looked a little uncomfortable. She took in all of the faces again, only to find Sam still staring at her. Definitely odd. "Wh...?" she began, but fell silent. Don't go there, Andy, she silently scolded herself. Don't get your hopes up. Just let it go. It has nothing to do with you, and thinking it does... isn't going to help. So, shut up and just try to get through this camping trip without saying or doing anything stupid. Wetting her lips, she turned to her dad. "I'm gonna get more firewood."

Tommy looked up at her, eyebrows raised. "Uh... okay," he said, casting a glance in Sam's direction. "You remember what you're looking for?"

"Same as what we got earlier," Andy replied as she walked by them and headed back down the dirt path. She just needed a break from everything... the tension... the confusion... the staring. Everything. Just a few minutes, alone, to try to clear her head and figure out a way to make it through the night without completely losing her mind.

But a quiet moment alone just wasn't in the cards.

Just seconds after she hit the trail again, Sam turned and followed her, staying a short distance behind until they were far enough away from the camp. "McNally," he called out.

Andy glanced over her shoulder and let out a loud sigh. "What do you want, Sam?" she asked, slowly turning to face him.

Feeling a wave of nerves crash over him, he blurted out, "You know, there's probably firewood at the camp. Take a step or two and boom, more firewood."

"You an expert on camping now?" she asked, arms folded across her chest.

Biting down on his tongue, he took in her unimpressed expression. It was a huge change from what he'd seen just minutes before. Then again, he could tell that her mind was reeling and that she was overthinking things... big time. "Where are you going?"

Andy shook her head as she aimlessly toed a root that was sticking out of the ground.

"McNally?"

"I'm not hungry," she lied. "So, I'm just gonna take a walk, get some wood, and clear my head."

"Can I come?"

Her level of stress became even more apparent as her hands rose to rub her face. Can he come? I dunno. Yes. No. Maybe. As her head and heart screamed different things at her, her father's words came back to her: 'Maybe he should know how you feel, but it doesn't mean that he actually does. So, tell him.' And, 'Talk to him before it's too late'. But, had that time already come and gone? With Sam's op nearly upon them, was she already too late? And would talking to him even change anything? Could it? She mentally shook herself. There were still too many conflicting variables and he had yet to actually say something to sway her one way or another. To make her believe that they could ever be more than partners. That he even wanted that. Sure, he'd admitted to staying because of her, but that really didn't tell her anything. And then there was the fact that he could vanish any day... maybe even any hour... minute. The timing was just... all wrong. "Why?"

Sam stared at her, but couldn't seem to find his voice.

"I... I think you should go back. Traci might need help with... something."

"McNally..."

"I just really need some space, Sam," Andy said, feeling a sharp pain in her chest as she uttered the words.

Before he could open his mouth to even attempt to respond, she turned and headed further down the path. Follow her. Just go. Sam drew in a deep breath, then started after her, this time simply stepping up beside her and matching her stride for stride, instead of trying to talk. And, for awhile, not saying anything worked. At least, her lack of objections over the course of the next twenty minutes suggested that his silence made his presence acceptable.

"What are you doing?" Andy finally demanded.

"Walking with you."

"I meant, what are you doing here?" Suspecting she wasn't going to get a straight answer, she shook her head and did a mental 180. "Never mind. It... it doesn't matter. I just... I don't get it... why you're here, or why you won't just go back. I mean, we're fine, okay?" Andy said, sounding slightly exasperated. "My dad is gonna help me with the tests, and I get it, I'm gonna have a new partner... Fine. I understand. And, I know you're leaving, so we don't need to talk about it, okay? It's fine. So, maybe we just... maybe we shouldn't talk or be around each other, you know? Maybe it's better that way." Shut up. Why did I say that? That's not what I meant. I don't want him to go. I don't want to not talk to him or see him again. I'm just angry. Upset. Confused.

"You do know why I'm here," Sam said after a long moment. "And if everything really was okay, you wouldn't have said 'fine' that many times."

She wanted to argue, but they both knew that he was right, which likely accounted for his relatively calm response. Still, her first inclination was to dispute what he'd said. Except, this time, when she opened her mouth, she immediately found herself clamping it shut again before she could let anything slip out. You've already said enough, and you aren't in the right mental or emotional state to not say something stupid... again. So, just keep quiet.

He reached out and gently grabbed her arm in a bid to slow her down a little, but she stopped walking altogether. "Why are you holding back?"

"I'm not." So much for staying quiet.

"You are," he insisted. "You ramble, Andy. That's what you do. It's what you always do when something's on your mind, and right now... today... you've been more reserved."

"Well, maybe that's just how I am now," she replied. Or maybe it's because I'm trying not to throw myself at you again, like an idiot. "Maybe I'm different. Changed. Tried too hard to be who I thought I was that I became someone else."

"No," Sam argued. "Your ability to talk didn't change... until today."

Caught in her own lie, she started walking again, this time setting a rather aggressive pace which had them both breathing a little heavier just a few minutes later.

"Stop running," Sam growled, referring to her seemingly natural instinct for flight over fight, though the more ground they covered, the more he actually wanted her to stop physically running too.

"It's walking," she retorted.

"You weren't wrong," he said, his tone reflecting his current frustration.

"Yeah, I know," she said angrily. "I may have forgotten a lot, but I know what walking is, thanks."

"Not about that."

"Then what?" Her tone was a little snappy.

"Yesterday."

Andy froze for a moment, then started forward again, but for the umpteenth time that day, his hands reached for her and tugged until she was facing him.

"You weren't wrong," he repeated. "And last night, I screwed up. Badly."

Her eyes slowly trailed up to his.

"But I'm here now." He paused. "Because of you."

"I... I don't understand."

"You were right, McNally," Sam said with a sigh. "And I need you to know that. I need you to know that Callaghan isn't the only one..."

Andy squeezed her eyes shut tight. The only one...? Oh man, I think I'm losing it. I'm probably so messed up that he's asking me where the... hell, I don't know... where the lake is, or something. I mean, him saying he screwed up? I was the one who kissed Luke. And being here because of me? Why would he be? All I've done today is cry? Run and cry. I'm a mess. A complete disaster. Probably look like one too. And now my mind is screwing around with me, trying to make me believe that I'm not crazy. That he might actually feel something for me. Must be all the fresh air getting to me. Fresh air, and my dad and Traci constantly going at me, filling my head with ridiculous stories about how Sam Swarek is madly in love with me. Ha. Yeah, that would be the day. Maybe I'll get my memory back too and win the lottery.

Sam hesitated, then slid his hands into hers. "Andy," he said, his tone much softer now. "I need to know..." Again, he hesitated. "...are you happy with him?"

Her eyes flicked up to his, before lowering until they were on his chest. That's what he wants to talk about? If I'm happy with Luke? "I..."

His heart was thundering in his chest and he was fairly certain that she could feel the slight tremble in his hands, but he was undeniably nervous. Scared that she might say yes.

"I tried."

"And?" Sam pressed.

"Maybe I didn't try as hard as I should've," she admitted. "But, maybe I didn't want to."

"You're engaged to him," Sam pointed out.

She nodded slowly. "So I've been told."

"Do you wanna marry him?"

Why are you doing this? Why ask me these things? "Sam..."

"Do you want to marry him?" he asked, his decision to hold off on having this conversation clearly forgotten.

"I... I'm supposed to," Andy said. "And I think that I must have been happy once. That I wanted to marry him." She wet her lips. "Part of me feels like I have to believe that. I need to. But, I don't know what to think anymore. Not remembering, changes everything. And, I don't know if that's good or not. I mean, it's confusing and frustrating, I know that much." She hesitated. "But, I don't know what I'm doing anymore." No, that's not true. I'm screwing up... repeatedly. Every time I open my mouth, I make things worse.

Sam sighed. "Oliver once told me that you can close your eyes and shut out the things you don't want to see, but that you can't close your heart to the things that you don't want to feel." He paused. When he'd first heard it, he thought it was a little cheesy, until he found out just how accurate the saying could be, even in his own life. "And... it's true." He drew in a deep breath. "Which is why I told Callaghan..." He hesitated, then changed course. "Don't do it, McNally. Don't marry him."

Her heart rate skyrocketed and her eyes widened. "What?"

"If you can't be absolutely certain that he's the right one, then don't do it."

"Right one?" Andy echoed with a dry laugh. "He's the only one, Sam... I can't remember anyone else."

"You remember me."

She rolled her eyes. "That's different." Isn't it? I mean, Sam and I, we've never been... like that. Well, except for the blackout. Except, I don't really know what that was to him. And, well, nothing really happened. Okay, sort of, but... it's not like I can remember anyway.

"How?"

Distracted by thoughts of what the night of the blackout may have been like, it took her a moment to realize what he was asking. But, once she did, a surge of anger passed through her. "Are you kidding?" Andy said, eyebrows furrowed. Now he really is messing with me. Has to be. So, joke's on me. Ha. Ha.

"How?" he repeated, his tone serious.

Maybe he wasn't kidding...? "We..." She trailed off and sighed, but the look of sheer determination on his face had her continuing. Fine. "We were partners, just two people with the same job, watching each other's back. That's it, right? But, Luke..." She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. It's just... it's different."

"What about him, McNally?"

What about Luke? She inwardly groaned. I don't know. Why does Sam even care anyway? In an effort to avoid the question, she pulled her hands free and started walking back down the hill, this time leaving the path as she headed through the forested area to the beach she'd seen while on the group walk. Upon reaching the sand, she kicked off her shoes and made her way toward the water and took a few steps in. A gasp escaped her at the initial shock... the wave of cold that washed over her, spreading from her feet up to her head. Still, she stayed, allowing her body to adjust before wiggling her toes and letting the sand pass through them. The movement was oddly comforting, and caused some of the tension to almost immediately fall from her shoulders.

Sam stopped beside her, watching as her eyes fluttered shut and she drew in a deep breath. "You weren't ready."

She inhaled deeply again, then slowly opened her eyes and turned to look at him questioningly. "For what?"

To buy himself a few more seconds, he ran a hand over his face, still debating how much he should tell her... or if he even should. But, he'd already started. "You..."

"What about me?"

"You found the ring, McNally. You found it, so he proposed. But, you weren't ready. You wanted to be, but you weren't." Although he'd initially congratulated her upon first hearing the unfortunate news, he'd also made several jabs at her about how she was too young to get married. Truth was, he hated the idea of her marrying another guy... of being with someone else. But, in a sense, he'd always thought her relationship with Callaghan had seemed rushed, and the proposal coming out of nowhere had left him with a really bad taste in his mouth... one he couldn't shake. And thinking back now, he realized that in the few months before the accident, she had been acting a little differently. Her smile was different. She was different. But, he'd been distracted and hadn't picked up on the changes in her like he normally would... because his mind had been too preoccupied with thoughts of...

"I found it?" Andy asked, snapping Sam out of his current train of thought. "But, he said he proposed upstairs...?"

All Sam could do was nod as he watched her try to work it out for herself, surprised when she merely looked confused but not hurt. Still, he was thankful. He didn't want to cause her any pain, but he needed her to know the truth. If nothing else he said could persuade her not to go back to Luke, then maybe this could instill some doubt in her. "Just think about it, McNally. You find a ring. It doesn't suit you. Why do you think that is? Does your own fiancé not even know you? Was it even meant for you? Either way, you weren't ready. Circumstances just..." He paused and let out a loud breath. "Don't do it, McNally. Don't go down that path again, just because that's where you think you were heading before the accident."

"Who...?" She trailed off. Why wouldn't the ring be meant for me?

He remained silent, studying her closely. Come on, McNally. Think about it. Put the pieces together.

"But I still..." She glanced down at her engagement ring, then back up at him. "I..." She pressed her lips together. Could Sam possibly be right? She mentally shook herself. No. He can't be... "Luke still did it. He proposed. And, I still said yes... I think. I mean, I must have..." She swallowed hard. "So... if what you said is true – if I wasn't ready – I wouldn't have said yes. And, if he wasn't the only one, why would I have agreed to marry him? It just doesn't make sense, Sam. I'm sorry, but it doesn't. I might not really know who I am anymore, but I don't think I'd take that step if I wasn't ready and if I wasn't sure about him." She paused. "But I did. I took that step. And, that tells me that Luke was the only one." She hesitated. "Maybe he still is." Wow, is this really the story I'm trying to sell myself? Sure, Luke can be sweet. I've seen that. Not today, but other days since the accident. He's had some really sweet moments. And I've seen glimpses into how things could have been. But, Sam wouldn't lie to me, right? He wouldn't. So then, was I really so blind? And, why did I say yes to Luke? Why were we together and engaged? Was I desperate? Confused?

"No, he's not," Sam argued, his frustration going back up a notch when it was clear that she still didn't get it.

He's not? Andy gently gnawed on her lower lip as her mind raced, and with it, her heart. If my mind is playing tricks on me again...

"Look at me," Sam said, willing her to see in him what he couldn't seem to say. When her eyes travelled upward again, he reaffirmed his point. "He's not the only one, McNally."

She stared at him in silence for a long moment, this time drawing strength from him. If he can say something, then I can too, right? So, how about... "A drunken idiot tried to kiss someone once. He didn't want her to."

Sam was hard pressed to keep a neutral expression. Maybe she does get it. "Yes, he did."

"No, that's not... that's..." She shook her head. "He pushed her away."

He silently cursed. "He had to. She was drunk and she was technically still with someone else."

"And… and if she wasn't?" The second the words tumbled over her lips, she held her breath, surprised at her own daring. Feeling her cheeks warm, she started to look away, but his right hand rose and turned her head until she was looking at him again.

With his palm still on her cheek, he said, "He would've kissed her a long time ago."

"He..." Andy began, before letting out a loud breath. He would've kissed me... if Luke wasn't in the picture, he wouldn't have pushed me away? That's why he's been holding back? Why he keeps pulling and pushing? So, if Luke and I were officially done, would he kiss me now? I mean, his hand... it's on my face. And... and the look in his eyes. Her heart rate quickened. "Umm..." Breathe. "And now?"

Sam ground his teeth together and let his hand fall in order to minimize the temptation. Now he wants to kiss her... just kiss her and not stop until every little shred of doubt is erased. And then kiss her some more.

Taking his silence as his answer, she nodded. "Things changed."

"No," Sam argued, wishing she'd stop jumping to conclusions and overthinking absolutely everything. Every silence. Pause. Poorly chosen word. "Now..."

"It's okay," she muttered. No, it's not. Why do you keep lying to him and to yourself?

"He's... he's scared, McNally."

Her eyebrows shot upward. Sam Swarek, scared? "Of what?"

"Screwing up. Losing her... for good." Sam paused. "And, not being the man she needs him to be, when she needs it the most."

Andy shook her head again. It didn't make sense. "But he's the one who said he was leaving. He rejected her."

"She's with someone else," Sam reminded her, reaching for her left hand and raising it so that her ring was visible to both of them.

"Because she was told she was." Andy paused, still struggling to come to terms with everything. "Because he didn't... he didn't tell her the truth." Tears pricked her eyes.

Breaking away from their current conversational pattern, he said, "You've changed, Andy. In a lot of ways, you're still the same, but... you aren't who you used to be. And, there's nothing wrong with that, but nobody can tell you what to think or how to feel. We can only tell you how things were... the basic, cold, hard facts of your old life. The rest is something you need to figure out on your own." The pad of his thumb unconsciously ran over the back of her hand. "Because, I can't tell you what to do. I can't make you choose. And maybe I've told you more than I should have. Or maybe I haven't told you nearly enough. I don't know." He tentatively reached up with his other hand and brushed the hair out of her face. "But, I don't wanna hurt you, McNally, and I don't wanna see you get hurt... by anyone."

"Then just tell me the truth," she whispered.

"The truth," he repeated, though it came out sounding choked. "The truth is..."

A song Andy didn't recognize cut his next words off.

She said, "Is this the life you've been dreaming of

Spending half the day away from the things you love?

It's not too late to do something new."

"You can get it," she said quietly.

"It's... it's not mine," Sam said, suddenly feeling incredibly awkward as he fished her phone out of his pocket and handed it to her. He'd turned the sound back on and the volume higher in case she realized she'd lost her phone and asked someone to call it to try to locate it. But, now that the song was practically blaring in the otherwise quiet area, he suddenly regretted taking it off silent.

Why does he have my phone? How did he...? She stared at the device for a moment before taking it from him, eyebrows now knit together in confusion as she read the name on the screen: Luke Callaghan. "That's weird," she said. The last time he'd called her, a different song had played.

She said, "It's hard enough trying to live your life.

But not following your dreams made you dead inside.

If you don't love what you do."

Her eyes shot back up to Sam when she caught more of the lyrics. "Did you change it?"

He swallowed hard and tried to give a small shrug of indifference, but he knew that it didn't look nearly as carefree as he would've liked. "Thought it was more appropriate."

"More appropriate?" Andy said, her lips twitching.

It's not right, it's not right for you

If you even have to think about it

It's not right, it's not right for you

If you really have to think about it.

She glanced at her screen again before silencing the call and pocketing her phone. "And 'it' is what exactly?" Andy pressed. She knew she should be mad at him for messing around with her phone, but something in his expression had her heart racing. He seemed nervous. Out of his element. And, for the time being, that seemed to instill more confidence in her.

"Uh..." He grimaced.

"The ring? House?" Andy suggested, thinking back to their conversation at the diner. "Or Luke?"

"You tell me," Sam replied, mentally hitting himself the second he said it. He was supposed to be clarifying things, not confusing her. Not making her doubt everything, especially not after the little bit of progress he may have just made.

In a single instant, her entire demeanour changed. She became more guarded. Her expression hardened and, with it, her attitude. "Is this how it's always gonna be? One step forward and two steps back? Beating around the bush, but never getting to the truth? Is that it? Because I can't do this, Sam. I can't. It's confusing enough trying to figure out even the most basic things in life. I can't deal with this too."

"McNally..."

"No," Andy said a little louder than intended. When he took a step forward and reached for her again, she placed her palms on his chest in a bid to hold him back. "No," she repeated. "I can't do this... The back and forth. Whatever this is. It's confusing. It's messing me up. And, I don't know how to deal with it, okay? I don't. I wish I did, but I don't. So, if we can't be straight..." She trailed off, more tears pricking her eyes. She couldn't say it. Couldn't do it. Couldn't push him out of her life. Not again. Because, her dad may have been right. And what she'd said before, could've be right. But, that was also the problem. After all, if she dug deep and was really honest with herself, then... She, Andy McNally, was or could be hopelessly in love with Sam Swarek, to the point where every little hitch or hiccough was damn-near crippling. And, with trying to get her life back on track, to become a cop again, being around him was proving as much a blessing as a curse. "I've gotta go." Her voice was quiet as she turned and headed back toward the path. The floodgates were threatening to open again, causing her to set an aggressive pace, which she maintained the entire way back to camp.

"Andy?" Tommy said, a frown on his face as his daughter practically stormed into the camp with Sam nowhere in sight.

She didn't respond. Just went straight into her dad's tent and zipped it up, collapsing onto one of the air mattresses and tugging a pillow tight to her body. And then the tears spilled over. What are you doing, Andy? she silently asked herself. He practically told you, right? You want him to spell it out? It's Sam. Everyone says he's not the sharing kind of guy. He's a man of few words. You've even seen it. You know. So, isn't what he said good enough? At least, enough to know? If Luke wasn't in the picture, Sam said he would've kissed you. And, even though he won't tell you everything, you know there's still something there. That he still wants to kiss you. You know it. You do. Deep down. In your heart. Your soul. You know. So, why didn't you just tell him? Settle things once and for all? End the confusion. The uncertainty. This back and forth, up and down, roller coaster ride. She squeezed her eyes shut tight, but it didn't stop more tears from falling. You have to talk to Luke too. No matter what, you need to deal with things. Figure them out. Tie up loose ends. Move on. Because you can't keep going in circles, or back and forth. You need to move forward and that means a lot of things need to change.

---

Andy rubbed her eyes, grimacing when the pressure caused a small amount of pain. That's what you get for practically crying non-stop... and for being stupid.

Realizing it was dark, she pushed herself up into a sitting position. She'd cried for awhile and, at some point, had dozed off, but aside from the darkness, she had no concept of how long she'd been out for. Her best guess was an hour, maybe even two.

I'm being selfish, she thought. Sam told me he would've kissed me. He said that Luke wasn't the only one. And, even if I wanted more – for him to say more – I know now. I know it's not all in my head. I can see it in his eyes. I can feel it in the way he touches me. So why is it that I can't just accept it? Why is it that I want him to say how he really feels and what he really wants? Can't I just accept what I have? It's more than I had before. And, it's not like I've given him much of anything either. I mean, I kissed Luke. I kissed another guy in front of Sam. So how can I expect him to open up to me when everything I've said and done makes it seem like I don't care? She pressed her lips together and shook her head. I'm an idiot. He's done so much for me, and this is how I repay him? Leaving him in the forest? Pushing him away? What if he got lost?

The thought had her unzipping the tent and frantically scanning the faces around the fire. There was no sign of Sam. Yet, his truck was still there. Heart pounding heavily in her chest, she moved toward the others. "Where is he?"

All eyes turned toward her. "Who?" Tommy asked.

"Sam," she said, a hint of anger in her voice. How can they all be sitting around so calmly when he could be lost somewhere? I mean, there are bears out there. And, he's a city boy. "I... I left him out there and... what if... what if he's lost?"

"You mean that guy?" Tommy said, nodding toward where the cars were parked.

Her head snapped in that direction, just as a vehicle door slammed shut. Sam. A sigh of relief escaped her as her former partner emerged from behind his truck, a large case in his hand. And then embarrassment flooded her.

"Hey Swarek," Traci called out, a grin on her face. "Andy was worried a bear ate you."

Sam's gaze shifted from Traci to Andy before settling on the fire as he came to rest on a vacant log.

"I'm gonna call it a night," Tommy said, eyes flicking back and forth between his daughter and Sam. He gestured for Andy to take his makeshift seat, then wrapped the blanket he'd been using around her.

"You know, I'm feeling pretty tired too," Traci said. "I think I'm gonna..." She nodded toward her tent, then looked over at Gail, who hadn't budged or spoken. "Gail?"

"I'm good," Gail replied absentmindedly.

Traci elbowed the Ice Queen hard in the side, and gave her a pointed look.

"Oww," Gail cried. When all eyes fell on her, she caught on. "... is what I'd say if I didn't go to bed now..." She glanced at her watch. "... at 10 o'clock." She shot Traci a look that said 'Really?' before continuing. "Because I work tomorrow night..." She gestured to her face and said, "And this might look effortless, but—"

"Gail," Traci said rather loudly, nodding toward the tent.

Rolling her eyes, Gail faked a yawn, stretched her arms out, then rose and disappeared into the third tent with Traci following just steps behind.

Andy glanced at the tents, before looking back at the fire and then down at the ground. Hearing the zippers on the tents, she drew in a deep breath, hating the overwhelming feeling of nerves that was crashing over her. "I... I shouldn't have left you out there."

Silence.

"I'm sorry." She hesitated. "I've... I've done a lot of stupid things. Probably said even more. And, as much as I want to blame the accident and attribute it all to being confused and not remembering, I can't because I'm still responsible for what I do now. And I've been really stupid." She bit down on her lower lip. "I haven't been fair... to you or to anyone else." Her eyes slowly made their way up to his face, though he was partially concealed by the flames dancing between them. "I'm sorry," she repeated, this time in a whisper.

Sam stared at her for a long moment, then picked up his guitar and, without a word, started playing. He was only a few chords in, when his eyes settled on her face again, watching her closely as the music filled the campsite.

"I know this song," Andy said quietly, struggling to place it.

He nodded. "It was on the radio the day of..." He grimaced.

"The accident," Andy finished for him.

Again, he nodded. "You'd never heard it before, so you didn't even know the words, but you still tried to sing along. Couldn't get it out of your head for the rest of the shift."

As she thought back to that day, her lips twitched. "You seemed so on edge." Her lips curled upward a little more. "There were so many times that day that I wondered if you'd just get sick of me and drop me off on the side of the road and make me walk back to the station." Her smile faltered as thoughts of the accident filtered through her mind. "I guess we never got that far anyway."

"Not a day goes by without me wishing it was me that was hit, instead of you."

"Don't... don't say that," Andy said, shaking her head.

"I was off that day. My mind was... somewhere else. But, I should've seen him."

They'd had this conversation before... in the hospital. "There was something..." She struggled to remember. "Something about that day. I don't know what. I just... I think I was nervous about something. And umm, I remember wanting to get some kind of reaction from you. Push your buttons or something... I dunno. I don't know why. I just woke up that morning and I guess you were kind of on my mind, and I just had this plan to get under your skin a little. So, maybe I was a little too distracted. Maybe both of us were. But I wasn't helping." There was a small pause. "The thing is, there's nobody I would rather have been with that day than you. If... If I'd died that day..."

"McNally..."

Andy nodded slowly. She understood. They both struggled with coming to terms with what had happened that day, but each in their own way. Letting it go, she said, "I'm gonna talk to Frank."

His fingers paused for a brief moment before continuing to play the song.

"I want to delay the physical test," she offered up as clarification.

This time the music stopped. "I thought you were feeling okay?"

She sighed. "Yeah, I am. I just... I think it might be good to uh... to go away for a week. Clear my head. Start to get my life back on track."

Sam hesitated, then nodded. "Might be a good idea." He started playing again, knowing by the shift in her expression when the lyrics started to come back to her. So, he started playing the song from the beginning again.

This is what I need to say

There is no more time to waste

I belong to your heart

and I have from the start

This is what I need to say

"Guess I got it stuck in your head too," Andy said, her lips slowly curling upward as her eyes met his. Warm brown eyes peered back at her, drawing her in, filling her stomach with butterflies, despite the heavy topics of their previous conversation still weighing on her mind.

This is where I need to be

No more being lonely

I won't let a day go by

Without you by my side

This is where I need to be

Oh and you

Nothing is as beautiful as you

Anything that happens

We will make it through

The way he was looking at her had her heart rate skyrocketing. "I... I took you as more of a rock kind of guy." She knew it sounded rather lame, but she needed to know if the song meant something or if he was just playing it because it was in his head... something he knew. Either way, she had to know. Had to understand if there was any basis to her insides turning to mush. To her body being almost glued to the log she was sitting on as her brown orbs stared into his, locked in an intense gaze. Because, in her head, his eyes were telling a story of their own as the soft music from the guitar drifted across the fire.

He continued to stare at her in silence, willing her to listen and to let the rest of the lyrics come back to her... for their meaning to be clear.

This is what you need to know

I will never let you go

I will give you my best

I will hold you when I rest

This is what you need to know

Oh and you

There's nothing as amazing as you

Anything that happens

I will always love you

This is what I need to say

There is no more time to waste

I belong to your heart

And I have from the start

This is what I need to say

Sam couldn't help but smirk as he saw the moisture in her eyes. "You crying?" he teased, knowing that she now understood why he was playing that song. That he was playing it for her, so that she might finally hear what he couldn't seem to put into words.

"No," Andy choked out. "It's the smoke." She gestured toward the fire. "I got it in my eyes."

He quirked an eyebrow, then nodded to his right. "You could move."

Her heart did a little flip. "I could," she said slowly, as if she was contemplating whether or not to get up.

"You know, so you don't keep getting smoke in your eyes," Sam continued, his lips twitching a little more.

"Don't want that," she agreed, wrapping the blanket a little tighter around her body as she rose and made her way around the fire. Once by his side, she settled on the ground and leaned up against part of the log that he was sitting on.

He continued to play a little longer, eyes on her the entire time, biting down on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from grinning like an idiot. He knew he had Tweedledum and Tweedledee to thank for that particular moment, and he'd likely never hear the end of it from them... about how they were right and how training officers don't know everything. Not that this was even a work-related issue. It clearly wasn't, but they'd still find a way to rub it in.

"If I go, will you still be here when I get back?" Andy whispered after a long moment of just listening to the music. She could hear the fear in her voice. The slight shake. The uncertainty.

Sam hesitated, then set his guitar down before lowering himself onto the ground beside her. "Where else would I be, McNally?"

"Undercover."

Sam drew in a deep breath. "A lot happened yesterday... and today."

"I know," she said quietly. "And I'll understand." She nodded, as if trying to convince herself that she would be okay with him leaving. "If you need to go... if you aren't here... I'll understand."

"I'll be here," he replied, eyes on the fire, watching as the flames danced in the darkness.

"Don't make a promise you can't keep."

"I'll be here," he repeated, this time looking at her.

Though relieved, she couldn't help but feel guilty too. "I don't wanna hold you back."

A soft chuckle escaped him. "You're stubborn, you know that?"

Her lips twitched. "So are you."

He merely nodded, his gaze shifting back to the fire, letting silence encompass the campsite for several minutes before asking, "Where are you gonna go?"

"I dunno," she said with a small shrug. "I'll probably let my dad decide."

"He's going with you?" Sam asked, surprised but thankful that she wasn't about to go off on her own.

"Yeah. Figured I could use some company. Get to know him more. Kind of start over, you know?"

Sam nodded. "One week?"

"If my test can be pushed back." She paused. "I mean, I know it messes up a lot of things..."

"I'll have Frank rearrange my schedule."

"You don't... You don't have to do that," Andy replied. "I'll figure something out. I'll—"

"Rearrange my schedule," Sam repeated.

A small smile touched her lips, but before she could respond, her phone rang... again. Luke. "You know, you're so lucky nobody is awake to hear that." She silenced the call.

"And if they were?" Sam challenged, watching her pocket her phone. "What would you do?"

"I'd..." Andy frowned. "I don't know. I'd think of something."

He leaned forward, and whispered in her ear, "I could think of a better way to spend our time."

She gave him a small shove, then froze, a blush creeping into her cheeks. "Wait, you did mean...?" She trailed off, feeling her cheeks heat up even more. The way he'd said it though had her stomach all in knots and a shiver running through her. But, considering how things had gone so far, she couldn't be sure if it was just another case of miscommunication.

His lips curled upward upon seeing her reaction. Casting a quick glance toward the tents, he leaned back toward her. "Deal with Homicide and maybe you'll find out."

"Maybe?" she asked, an eyebrow quirked, but the second the word left her mouth, her eyes shot toward the tent. "Wait, is he...?"

"Left. Was called in to work," Sam replied.

Andy let out a loud breath.

"You just had that whole conversation without thinking once that he might be here?" Sam asked in disbelief.

"Uh..." Her blush deepened. That does sound really bad. And, what if Luke had still been here? What if he'd overheard?

Sam chuckled. "Do you really think he would have knowingly let you stay out here with me?"

"Well... no. But..." She frowned. "Is he coming back?"

"Unlikely."

Andy nodded. "Okay," she whispered as she tugged on her blanket to free up some of it for him, then carefully draped it over his legs. Satisfied, she leaned toward him almost shyly and rested her head on his shoulder, her left arm curling under his. "This okay?"

"Did you hear me complain?"

"No," Andy said.

A small smile formed on his lips. "Then I guess it's okay."

They remained in this position for several minutes until he felt her shiver.

"Come here," he said softly, freeing his arm from her grasp and wrapping it around her shoulders, pulling her closer to his body in an attempt to warm her up.

"Did you really stay because of me?" she whispered, still wondering why – after everything that had happened – he'd even want to be around her.

"I'm a city boy, McNally," Sam reminded her. "This isn't exactly my idea of fun."

She lifted her head up from his shoulder so that she could look at him. "No? So what is?"

He met her gaze, tongue darting to the inside of his cheek.

She rolled her eyes. "Deal with Homicide and I'll find out?"

He smirked. "This communication thing... I think we may have figured it out."

"Really?" She let out a soft laugh. "Only took us about a month." When he didn't respond, her eyebrows shot upward. "Few months?"

Silence.

"Year?"

Silence.

"Since... since I started at 15?" she practically squeaked out, eyes wide as she stared at him in shock. Had they really been doing this tango for that long?

"So, are you coming over tomorrow?" Sam said rather abruptly.

"Am I...?" she began, then fell silent. "I..."

"To study," Sam clarified, biting back a smirk.

"Oh, umm, I mean if you—"

"Want a ride?" Sam continued.

She opened her mouth to ask about Gail and Traci.

"Your dad will drive them back."

"When did—?"

"Don't worry about it," Sam replied.

Andy wet her lips. "Did he say anything... about me?"

"Like what?"

She shook her head. "Nothing."

"Nothing, huh?" he teased, knowing she was hiding something.

When she felt yet another blush creep into her cheeks, she suddenly found herself thankful that he was staring at the fire instead of her. But that wasn't the only reason she was glad. It gave her another opportunity to study him closer, and for the first time that day, he looked more relaxed. More like how she felt. Feeling traces of a smile on her face, she propped herself up a little more and leaned toward the side of his face, puckering her lips.

Contact.

Except, it wasn't what she expected. And the look on his face when she pulled back told her that he hadn't seen it coming either. But, it had happened. She'd moved closer to kiss him on the cheek, and he'd turned to see what she was doing. And, instead of her lips landing on his cheek like they were supposed to, she'd caught the corner of his mouth... his lips... his warm, soft, welcoming lips.

"I..." Andy began, shaking her head. "Uh..."

"Yeah."

"Yeah?" she said, willing him to understand that she hadn't meant for that to happen.

He nodded.

"Okay... good. Because, I didn't..."

"I know," he replied with another small nod, tucking her back into his side so that he would stop staring at her lips. It was clear that she didn't mean for it to happen quite like that. Had the circumstances been a little different, perhaps, but not now.

She willingly obeyed and let her head rest on his shoulder again.

Silence ensued. It was slightly awkward at first as both parties separately replayed that moment in their minds. And awkward still when thoughts of Luke forced them to exercise more control... restraint from partaking in an actual kiss... or two... or more. But, the longer they sat there, the more things began to settle. To some extent anyway.

Needing to fill the silence, Andy said, "If I hadn't lost my memory, do you think we'd still be here, like this?"

"You mean, you kissing me?" Sam teased. He knew it was a little too soon to crack that joke, but he couldn't help it.

"Sam," she growled, poking him hard in the side.

He grunted. "It's not my fault. First day on the job you tackled me and tried to kiss me. Now you're skipping the tackling part and apparently just trying to—"

"I would not," she said, poking him again.

"Believe what you want, McNally, but I saw you eyeing my lips. Got pretty close too."

Her face went beat red. "I was being serious."

"I know, but I don't know what things would be like," Sam admitted, one hand absentmindedly trailing up and down her arm.

"I think..." Andy paused. "I think maybe, in a way, it's a good thing... you know? That maybe it had to happen. As if the universe has this twisted plan that could only be set in motion with the accident."

His hand stilled and he remained silent as his mind went over Traci's words again. He couldn't help but wonder, if the accident hadn't happened, would Andy have actually left Luke like she said she was going to? And, would they be here, like this? Or, was the accident the only reason they'd reached this place?

"Don't stop," she whispered before stifling a yawn and letting her eyes close, as she felt the familiar motion of his hand moving along her arm again.

With a smile spreading across his face, he rested his head on top of hers. Maybe camping isn't so bad after all, he thought, as his own eyes closed and he followed Andy's lead by drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

---

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think.

So, Andy's secret is now out, but the real kicker is coming up soon. Any thoughts as to what it might be?

-E-

Twitter - RB_ADI2DE