Thanks for the feedback. The last chapter and this chapter are flashbacks, apologies for any confusion!

It started raining as Rory drove into Philadelphia and by the time she reached the Truncheon there was a steady downpour. Rory parked the car and as she walked over she saw Jess was already waiting outside. A light was shining over the entrance of the door, casting Jess in a gentle glow. The rain sent the light into streams on the street.

"Hey," she said, trying to smile. "You didn't have to wait out there."

"Wanted to," Jess said simply. "Got all your stuff?"

Rory nodded, holding up her purse, and she followed Jess into the building. It was odd, seeing it so deserted, after the flow of people at the open house although, Rory remembered, when she and Jess kissed it had been empty. For a moment she hesitated. Jess noticed, turning around, and asked,

"Are you okay?"

His foot was on the first step of stairs leading up to the rooms above. Rory nodded.

"Fine."

Jess nodded too and Rory didn't say anymore as she followed him up. It was only when they were sitting at a small table, a cup of coffee in Rory's hand, that she said,

"Thanks, Jess."

Her former boyfriend indicated his head in acknowledgement. He wore a T-shirt to combat the heat, an image of a city on the front, and faded jeans. They made small talk, about Luke and Lorelai and business at the Truncheon before they slipped into an uncertain silence. Jess sipped his own drink before asking,

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Rory stared at her cup, feeling his eyes on her.

"I had the best day," she said eventually. "And then it became the worst day...everything got messed up."

"What did?"

Rory sucked in her breath.

"I got offered a job," she said, looking up. "Well, it's with the same paper, but it was something different."

"A promotion?"

"I guess. I'd make a little more money and do more than I do now and I'd have to move. It's in Philadelphia."

Rory looked at Jess nervously, checking him for reaction, but his eyebrows simply moved a fraction and his expression didn't change. Rory hastened on,

"I told Paul, thinking he'd be happy. I wanted to celebrate and we got in a big fight."

"He's your boyfriend?"

"Yes," Rory said. "We met on the campaign."

"Figured," Jess said simply. "So he wasn't happy."

"No, he was mad," Rory said, staring at the dark liquid in the cup. "It was like he was mad at me. He said it wasn't that much better than the job I have – we have – we work together now – and if I moved to Philadelphia we wouldn't see each other."

"You're not shipping off to 'Nam," Jess remarked. "It's not even three hours drive."

"That's what I said," Rory said. "And we got in this huge fight and then he said – he said maybe we shouldn't be together and he left. And then I called you."

There was a silence and Rory suddenly felt foolish. Why had she driven all this way to see Jess, whom she hadn't seen since her last visit to Philadelphia which had ended on the worst possible terms? It was stupid and insensitive and Rory felt her cheeks burn. She put her cup down but just as she opened her mouth to apologise Jess asked,

"What do you want to do?"

"What?"

"What do you want to do?" Jess asked again. "Do you want the job?"

Rory shook her head, dazed.

"I don't know."

"You said you wanted to celebrate when you got the offer."

"That was before it screwed things up with Paul."

"Rory, tell me you weren't excited. Tell me you weren't already planning out travel routes from Philadelphia to Stars Hollow."

Rory laughed in spite of herself and Jess went on,

"Tell me you didn't know you knew you'd love every second of it. Say it wasn't a dream job."

"Okay, okay," Rory cut in. "Yes, I was excited. I was excited and happy and I couldn't wait to get started. All of that was true."

"And now all of that's gone?"

"No," Rory said hesitantly. "It's just more complicated."

"Rory, I don't see what's complicated here. You've been offered a job you really want and it's not that far away. That guy –"

"Paul."

"Paul is being a jerk."

"Jess!"

"It's not on the other side of the country! It's in the next state! Maybe that's not his problem."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know but he's making a big deal about a short drive. What, does he have some grudge against this place? Is it because I'm here?"

Rory shook her head and her cheeks went red.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Rory, what?"

"I haven't told him about you," Rory said uncomfortably. "He doesn't know you live here."

There was a brief silence and then Jess asked,

"Does he know about Logan?"

"Yes," Rory said. "But that was – we met on the trail. I broke up with Logan hardly six months before."

"You don't talk about stuff before that?"

"I wouldn't expect him to list everyone he dated," Rory said defensively and, as Jess's eyebrows lifted, she hastily added, "Not that you were just a – Jess, it's not because you weren't important to me. I didn't mean it like that."

"Okay," Jess said simply and Rory said,

"You were important. You were – you know what I mean," she said limply, lacking courage to finish what she was about to say. Jess didn't ask any further and she said,

"Are you mad?"

"No," Jess said. "I'm not."

Rory looked into his eyes. His expression was unclear but she believed him.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

Rory sipped the last of her coffee, which had gone cold, and Jess said,

"You should take the job."

"You think?"

"It's what you want. Your boyfriend should understand."

Rory swallowed.

"I don't even know if he's my boyfriend anymore."

"You should still take the job," Jess said gently. "That's the most important thing."

Rory nodded, mulling over his words.

"Thank you," she said eventually. "Thanks, Jess."

"It's okay."

"Thank you for letting me come all the way out here and listening and – God, I must have sounded like an idiot when I called."

"You didn't."

"I'm sorry," Rory said. "I am."

Rory could tell Jess knew she didn't just mean that night.

"It's okay," he said again and she said, her voice shaking,

"No, it's not. It's not okay. I was a jerk."

"Maybe," Jess said. "But it's okay."

"I'm sorry," Rory said again. "I wish I could take it all back."

"Do you?" Jess asked curiously. Rory looked up, puzzled, but before she could ask what he meant Jess said,

"Luke told me you broke up with that guy."

"He did?" Rory asked, feeling herself blush, and Jess said,

"Yeah, right after you left Stars Hollow."

Rory nodded, looking away and Jess said,

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Rory said. "I missed him for a while but I know we shouldn't have got married."

"I think it's good. Not that you left, but I'm glad you're not with him anymore."

"You are?"

Rory looked at Jess curiously and his cheeks flushed in turn as he said awkwardly,

"Yeah. He was a jerk."

"You didn't –"

"Don't say I didn't know him or I caught him on a bad night," Jess interrupted. "He was a jerk. He was an ass to me and he cheated on you. It was more than that one night."

Rory didn't know whether to agree or defend Logan. She looked at Jess, trying to find a response, but was saved when he said,

"I'm glad you left though."

"What?"

"I said I was glad you broke up with Logan but not about you leaving," Jess clarified. "But I'm glad you left – it's good you got your job."

"Yeah," Rory said, slightly sad. "I love it but I miss home. I don't want to move back but I miss Stars Hollow."

Jess nodded and Rory added,

"At least I'm only in New York. On the campaign trail I was everywhere."

"It's not so far," Jess agreed. "New York or Philadelphia."

Rory looked at him, unsure what he meant, but he got up, picking up their empty cups.

"Do you want more coffee?"

"No," Rory said regretfully. "It's getting late. I should go home."

Jess nodded and Rory said,

"It's not that – thanks, Jess. Thanks for letting me talk."

"You're welcome," he said, his lips curving into a crooked grin. "It's good to see you."

"Me too," Rory said. "I mean, it's good to see you. It's been a while."

"That it has."

Rory smiled and Jess turned to put the cups away. As he passed the window his face was illuminated by a flash of lightning, followed shortly by a crash of thunder.

"Huh," Jess said, turning to look face Rory. "Looks pretty bad out there."

Rory joined him at the window. The rain had become a torrent, lashing the windows and wailing in the wind. Another bolt of lightning flashed, lighting the city with an unnatural glare.

"It does."

"Rory, you can't drive in that."

"Sure I can."

"It's not safe. You'll get blown off the road."

Rory laughed a little but the wind did sound fierce and the window rattled.

"Stay," Jess said. "It's no big deal."

"Okay," Rory said, weighing it over. "If you're sure."

"I am."

Jess made them more coffee and they drank it, watching the weather.

"I've never been afraid of thunder," Rory said, breaking the silence. Jess smiled.

"No?"

"No. Or lightning. I found it exciting. I knew I was safe."

"I bet you were reading under your quilt with a flashlight."

Rory laughed and Jess said,

"I'm right, aren't I?"

"Yes," Rory admitted. "So? Lots of kids do."

"I liked to read right by the window. I wanted to see the storm."

Before Rory could ask further about that there was another thud of thunder. Rory felt it move right through her, the heavy sound, and as it faded Jess asked,

"So are you still with him? Paul?"

"No," Rory said. "I don't know. He sounded final."

There was a pause and Jess asked carefully,

"Do you want to still be with him?"

Rory opened her mouth to say she did but found herself saying,

"I don't know."

Jess didn't say anything. They stood in silence, staring at the storm.

"Rory, why did you say no?"

Rory frowned at Jess and he added,

"Why did you say no to Logan? You said you couldn't help loving him."

"It was the wrong time," Rory said. "He didn't want to wait. Loving him wasn't enough."

Jess nodded and Rory said,

"I don't regret it. Not getting married."

"That's the main thing, right?"

"Right," Rory agreed. She paused, wanting to say more, but instead asked,

"Do you live here alone?"

"Chris lives here too but he's out right now. I'll make up your bed."

Jess's bedroom was a reasonable size, the ceiling high and the window deep in the wall. There was a desk by the door and a bookshelf in the corner. The walls were painted blue and music posters were placed in various places, one on which Rory noticed the image from Jess's shirt. Below it stood a coffee table with a notebook. Rory idly picked it up and saw it was filled with Jess's writing, snaking around the page and in the margins. She brushed the page and was reminded of stolen time when she and Jess were eighteen, kissing deeply with their chests pressed tight. Rory looked down, strangely shy, and put the book back.

"Bed's ready," Jess said and Rory looked up, slipping her hands in her pockets.

"Great," she said, forcing her voice to be bright. "Thanks."

Jess nodded and Rory frowned.

"Where are you going to sleep?"

"Couch."

"Jess, I can't take your bed."

"Why not?"

"It's your bed. I feel bad."

"It's fine," Jess said. "The couch is comfortable."

"If it's comfortable let me sleep on it."

"No way, it's lumpy."

"Jess!"

"And there's pizza crumbs on it."

"Jess, come on."

"There's nowhere else to sleep," Jess said. "Chris said he's coming back later and we don't have a spare mattress. Unless you want to sleep in it together."

Rory stared, feeling her face get warm, and Jess quickly said,

"That's a joke."

"Oh," Rory said awkwardly. "I knew that."

"I'll take the couch," Jess said. "I'll go put some pillows on it."

Rory nodded, embarrassed, and it was only when he had gone that she remembered that she should call Paul. She got out her cellphone, guilty that she had forgotten, but there were no messages and when she dialled his number there was no reply. Rory hesitated and then sent a message saying With a friend. Talk later xxx

Jess returned as she sent it and held out a glass of water.

"Thanks," Rory said, taking it, and Jess asked,

"Did you talk to him?"

"No. Left a message."

Jess nodded and Rory put the phone on the bedside table, taking a drink of water.

"Goodnight," Jess said, sounding as shy as she felt. "There's more water in the kitchen."

"Thanks," Rory said and, as he turned away, she started to say,

"Jess..."

"Yeah?" he asked. Rory's courage failed as he looked at her and she said,

"Nothing. Sleep well."

"You too, Rory."

Rory did not sleep well. She tossed and turned and when she eventually dropped off her dreams were troubled, on the periphery of sleep. Rory dreamed she was walking along the edge of the cliff, a storm creeping from behind. Rory knew if she kept to the path she would be safe but the ground crumbled. The boiling sea rose to meet her and Rory woke with a jump, her heart pounding. It took a few moments to remember she was safe in bed, in Jess's bed, and Rory switched on the light. She drank all the water and got up. She went over to the table, picking up the notebook she'd seen before. Rory opened it but as Jess's inky words met her eyes she felt guilty, that she had intruded, and put it back before she could read any actual words. Rory got back into bed but still wasn't tired so tiptoed to the kitchen. She reached for the light when she saw a form bending over the sink and let out a cry of alarm before realising it was Jess.

"It's me, Rory!"

"Sorry," Rory said, switching on the light. "You surprised me."

"I'm not feeling so calm myself."

Rory nodded, embarrassed, and then felt a whole other kind of embarrassment as her eyes adjusted to the light. Jess was shirtless and simply wearing a pair of boxers. She herself was only in her shirt and underwear. Rory felt her nipples pucker in the cold and awkwardly folded her arms over her chest. They hadn't seen so much of each other's skin even when they were together. Jess coughed.

"Sorry," he said. "I didn't think anyone would be up. I don't think Chris came back after all."

"No, it's fine," Rory said hastily. "I couldn't sleep."

"Me neither. I just went to get some water," Jess said. "Here..."

He filled Rory's glass for her and replenished his own. Rory sipped thankfully and Jess said,

"I'll head back to the couch. Sorry I scared you."

Rory sat on one of the chairs and, as he moved away, slowly said,

"I want to love him."

Jess stopped and sat down next to her at the table.

"Paul?" he guessed and, at Rory's nod, "is that what you were going to say before?"

Rory bit her lip. It felt strange to have said it out loud.

"I want to love Paul. I want to want to stay with him."

"You don't."

Jess didn't put it as a question and Rory stared at the liquid in her glass.

"I want to."

Jess looked at her, his eyes sad, and Rory suddenly yearned to lean across the barrier of the table and press her lips to his mouth, push her chest to his. She stared into his brown eyes until Jess asked,

"What?"

His voice was husky and Rory forced the urge away.

"Nothing," she said. "Sorry."

Rory drank more water and Jess said,

"Wait, I'll grab a shirt."

"No," Rory said quickly. "It's okay. I'm okay with it."

"You are?" Jess asked, a grin in his eyes and Rory said,

"I just mean that it's not a big deal."

"Alright," Jess said. His tone was still teasing but he sounded serious when he asked,

"What are you going to do when you get back?"

Rory shrugged heavily.

"Try to figure things out."

"Take the job," Jess said. "The rest will figure itself out."

Rory nodded. She opened her mouth to say something more, to thank him, but all that came out was,

"I'm going back to bed."

"So am I," Jess said, getting to his feet. "Night, Rory."

"Night, Jess."

Rory took her empty glass back to the bedroom. She placed it on the table, got back into bed and closed her eyes. Her body was warmed through despite the thin shirt and Rory slipped into a comfortable sleep.

Her cellphone woke her the next morning. Rory opened her eyes, confused, and then sat up in alarm, answering her phone. It was Paul.

"Hey," she said, trying to sound normal. "Where are you?"

"My apartment," Paul replied. "I went over to your place but you aren't back. Where are you?"

"With a friend."

"Who?"

"Someone from home," Rory said, uneasy with her half-truth. "I'm okay. Sorry if I scared you."

"It's okay. Can we talk?"

"Sure," Rory said, glancing at the closed door. "Paul, you need to know something. I'm taking the job."

"You can't."

"Excuse me?"

"Johnson gave it to Mark."

"What?" Rory sprang out of bed. "No, she gave it to me. She offered it to me."

"She also offered it to Mark and Mark said he wants it."

"No," Rory said dumbly. "She said she wanted it for me. It was just yesterday. She can't –"

"Mark heard about it and went right over."

"How?"

"It's a small office, Rory."

Rory didn't know what to say. Tears blurred in her eyes and her throat tightened.

"I'm sorry," Paul said. "But hey, you were having doubts, right?"

"No," Rory choked. "You did."

"Rory," Paul said, sounding frustrated, "I just wanted you to think about it. Look, it's kind of for the best. We can still work together."

"I thought you wanted to split up."

"I was mad," Paul said. "I didn't mean it."

Rory was silent. He had sounded definite the previous night and Paul said,

"Rory? You don't want to break up, do you?"

"No," Rory said quietly. "I don't."

There was a pause and Paul said,

"I'll see you in a few hours. We'll figure it out."

"Yes," Rory managed. "We will. Bye, Paul."

He said goodbye and as Rory hung up she was reminded of Jess's words last night, that things would figure themselves out. A heavy, iron weight seemed to settle in her chest as she slowly got up and pulled on her clothes from the night before. Jess had already made coffee as she went into the kitchen.

"Hey," he said cheerfully. "I was just going to say you could use the shower."

"That's okay," Rory said dully. "I can't stay."

Jess stopped at the sound of her voice.

"What's wrong? What's happened?"

"I spoke to Paul," Rory said, the weight still dragging. "My job's gone."

"What?"

Rory didn't look up so he bent down to reach her eyes.

"What's going on?" he demanded. "What's he talking about?"

"Someone else in our office got it," Rory said. "I don't need to think about it anymore."

She didn't want to cry now but the tired ache of defeat was almost worse. Jess didn't look away.

"How does he know that?" he asked. "You only heard about it yesterday. Did your boss tell you they were going to ask anyone else?"

"She said she'd let me think about it," Rory said. "She didn't say she was going to ask anyone else."

It was unlike her, Rory thought. Her manager always told her things like that but she said,

"I guess she had the right to."

"Wait," Jess said, shaking his head. "This doesn't add up. She said she was going to let you think about it and then instantly hires some other guy? She didn't call you at all?"

Rory shook her head and Jess said,

"This is bull. I don't believe it."

"It doesn't matter," Rory said, surprised at her own anger. "It's gone. There isn't anything I can do."

"Yes, there is," Jess said fiercely. "Call your boss. Figure out what's happened."

"I know what's happened!"

"You know what Paul said! Find out what's going on, fight for it."

"There's nothing to fight for!" Rory cried. "I have to go, I have to talk to Paul, I should never have come..."

"I thought you broke up!"

"He wants to talk. He wants to make up."

"And this is it?" Jess demanded. "You're just going to go back to New York and forget about the job and stay with that guy?"

"He's my boyfriend and there is no job!"

Rory yelled the last few words but Jess refused to look away.

"You don't even know that for sure!"

Rory folded her arms and Jess said,

"You know you don't want to stay where you are, with that job and that guy. You want to want to be with him."

"That's better than nothing," Rory snapped and Jess retorted,

"It's easier."

They glared at each other and Jess asked,

"Are you always going to do this?"

"Am I always going to be careful?"

"This isn't being careful, Rory, you know it isn't! This is what you do when you get scared!"

"I'm not going to throw this away!"

"So this is it?" Jess asked. "You're just going to forget about everything you said last night?"

Rory didn't answer and Jess went on,

"Speaking of last night, are you going to tell Paul?"

"Nothing happened!"

"Exactly. So are you going to tell him? Are you going to tell him about coming here, about me at all, us being together?"

"He doesn't need to know."

"Why?" Jess asked. "If you're so comfortable with him?"

"Why are you mad at me?" Rory shot back. "Are you still angry about the other time?"

"This is not about me!" Jess said furiously. "Or him, screw him! This is about you! You giving up this job which, it sounds to me, like you could still get, like when you dropped out of Yale! You letting go of all this stuff for guys who...one guy who was a total ass and one guy who doesn't sound a lot better, or if he is, you're trying to make yourself love. Screw them! What about you?"

They stared at each other. Jess's eyes were wide and fixed on hers but before he could ask more Rory said,

"I have to go."

She picked up her purse, pushed past him and Jess said,

"You only want to love him, Rory! Wanting to love someone isn't enough!"

Rory ignored him. She pushed open the door, collided with whom she guessed must be Chris and as she stumbled out an apology, hurrying past him, she heard Jess call,

"You wouldn't take it back!"

She marched down the stairs and out onto the street and, just before she rounded the corner to her car, glanced back up. Jess was at the window, staring. She looked back up, bit her lip but in silent resolve turned the corner, got into her car and drove away.

A whole year had passed since then. Neither had spoken since but Rory still pondered over Jess's parting words and what he was trying to say.