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"You're kidding."

"I'm not."

Paris Geller stared at her best friend in mute disbelief and Rory, embarrassed, exclaimed,

"Paris, quit staring! It's not that big a deal!"

It was the following evening and Paris had come over for pizza. They had eaten it in front of the television until Paris switched it off in a rage, scattering cheese and tomato as she ranted about opinion polls. They were leaning against the counters in the small kitchen and Rory felt her cheeks blush.

"Yes it is," Paris contradicted. "It's a very big deal. This is Jess, Rory. You haven't seen him for more than a year and then you go for coffee."

"It wasn't a date!"

"So what was it then?"

"Just two friends catching up," Rory and, to her friend's smirk, "Stop looking at me like that!"

"Did you make out with him?"

"No!"

"Did you want to make out with him?"

"Paris, please," Rory said hotly, crossing her arms and looking away. "It was nothing like that. We got coffee, that's all."

"All for now," Paris remarked. "You know, you still haven't told me what happened between you, when you went to see him that time."

"There's nothing to tell," Rory said stoutly. "Nothing happened."

"I don't believe you," Paris said. "I know something went on."

"Paris, all I did was go to his place, tell him about what happened with Paul and sleep over. That's all."

"Didn't you sleep in his bed?"

"He wasn't in it!"

Paris grinned and Rory rolled her eyes.

"Speaking of Paul," Paris said, "does Jess know about what happened?"

"He knows we broke up."

"Does he know why?"

"No," Rory said shortly. "It doesn't matter."

Paris raised her eyebrows and Rory said sharply,

"Don't you have some cancer cells to go examine?"

"Hey, I'm just looking out for you here," Paris retorted. "I know you still have issues –"

"I do not have issues!"

"and you're still mad about how he left," Paris continued, ignoring Rory's interruption. "I know you are."

"That was years ago," Rory said quietly and, after Paris didn't reply, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Fine," Paris said. "I still think something happened though."

"Well, you're wrong."

"For now," her friend replied. "I bet you end up sleeping with him."

"I'm not going to respond to that."

"He'll be in the bed with you this time," Paris teased and Rory exclaimed,

"God, enough! Don't you have to go to the lab tonight?"

"Doyle's with some friends from the office," Paris said. "Which means after dinner they'll spend half the night arguing about what morons other journalists are and how they can write better articles."

"Sounds like your kind of night."

"Yeah, well, it's the same stuff every time," Paris said. "And Doyle said they're scared of me."

"I'm sure that's not true," Rory said, badly hiding a smile, and Paris said,

"Oh please, I eviscerate them. Their arguments have no weight, they just like the sound of their own voices. Anyway, Doyle didn't want to eat dinner with me so I'm going to the lab later. I'm concentrating on the same sample every day next week."

"Wow."

"I have to write a report for my experiment next week. How's your week looking, Gilmore?"

"I have to interview some people and then write up an article on it."

"Anyone you need to squeeze information from? I still have contacts from Yale."

"Along with restraining orders," Rory remarked. "Do you still have those flip-flops?"

"Yes, I consider them a trophy."

"Speak for yourself. I think I'm good."

Paris shrugged and Rory said,

"The article's on commuting in New York. I don't think I need to squeeze anyone."

"Fascinating. I thought you were going to write an article on the music scene this month?"

"It's got pushed to next mo nth," Rory said. "It's no big deal, I'd guess."

"If you say so."

"The article shouldn't take too long to write, anyway," Rory said. "I'm going home next weekend so I'm looking forward to that. I'm just going to hang out with Mom."

"Be careful you don't get lost in any haystacks," Paris commented. She wiped a hand across her mouth and asked,

"So what do you think your mom'll say?"

"About what?"

"You know. I remember you saying she was weird about Jess."

"That was a long time ago," Rory said uncomfortably. "Anyway, I've told you a million times, nothing happened."

"Not yet," Paris said wickedly, picking up her purse. "Who know, maybe you'll be inviting Jess to the next town square dance Anyway, I'm going to go spend some quality time with petri dishes."

"Have fun."

"It'll be a blast," Paris said. "You know, sometimes I think they react more than you."

"Bye!"

Rory heard her friend chuckling as she walked down the hall. She went back into the apartment, which suddenly seemed bare and, as she cleaned the pizza crumbs away, Rory closed her eyes, suddenly feeling exhausted and strangely alone.

On Friday Rory packed to go home. It didn't take her long to throw her clothes and books into a bag and soon she was on the interstate to Connecticut. As she had predicted, the article had been easy to write but it had also been dull and Rory felt more tired than if she'd been writing a piece double the length. She'd showered and changed as soon as she'd got home from the office and now she was navigating her way to Emily and Richard's for a Friday Night dinner. Rory's attendance had faded after leaving Yale but she still tried to go every few weeks, when she had time. There was something comforting in this obligation, this routine, and at times it felt an indulgence for her as well as her grandparents. Rory pulled off the highway and into the city and as she parked in front of her grandparents' house and opened the door there was a cry of,

"Hey, Gilmore!"

Rory looked up to see her mother beaming, leaning against the jeep, and as her daughter approached Lorelai came over and wrapped her in a hug. She was wearing a black dress and her loose hair brushed Rory's cheek as she leaned over.

"Hi Mom."

"Hey, kid," Lorelai said, kissing her cheek. "How was the drive? Heinous?"

"Actually, it wasn't too bad. The traffic was clearer than I expected."

Lorelai nodded and Rory asked,

"Did you see me coming?"

"Nope."

"Were you waiting?"

"Give or take twenty minutes," Lorelai grinned. "I didn't want to go in without you."

"Coward!"

"Hey, I haven't seen you for two whole weeks and I'm your mom. I get dibs on talking to you first. It's not fair that we have to have dinner without me seeing my daughter before x."

"I've missed you, too," Rory said fondly. "And we're going to have the whole weekend to catch up."

"You think we should ring the bell?"

"It's like you read my mind."

Lorelai made a dramatic sigh and rang the bell. Almost as soon as she pressed it the door was flung open and Emily exclaimed,

"Here they are! Come in, come in!"

"Hi, Mom," Lorelai said, shooting an unnerved look at Rory as her mother pulled them inside. "No maid tonight?"

"Oh no, Leonora's here, I just wanted to see my girls first. Rory, it's been too long. Let me look at you!"

Rory allowed her grandmother to step back and look her up and down, giving her the feeling of being scanned and, in recognition, Lorelai said,

"Jeez Mom, she's not a museum piece."

"Oh, Lorelai!" Emily scoffed, turning away. "Let me talk to my granddaughter. How are you, Rory? How was the drive?"

"I'm fine. It was fine."

"Well, your grandfather's in the living room and we shouldn't keep him waiting. He's been locked in his study all week, mumbling about memoirs. I think he has something for you, Rory."

"Don't tell the girl," admonished Richard as they made their way into the living room. "Rory, I have something to show you, though I daresay Emily has told you it all already."

"How could I when you've been buried in books all week?" Emily protested. Rory sat next to Richard who, beaming, produced a large, leather-bound book.

"The first edition of Ring Lardner's memoirs!"

"Oh – Grandpa!" Rory exclaimed. "No way!"

"Yes, way! I recalled having a copy when going through some inventory last week and I was determined to find it for you and there, I have."

Richard sounded as proud as his smile and Rory reached over to hug him.

"I love it, Grandpa. Thank you."

"Yes, well," Richard said, abashed. "I hope you have time to read it. I know how busy you are."

"I'll make time. This is great."

Richard smiled again and took the glass of wine Emily offered. Rory took one too and Emily remarked,

"You know, when I gave Elsa the list of drinks for this week I was still thinking I should include soda for you. It's so silly, you have a job in New York now and I still think of you as being sixteen and too young to drink wine. I used to include soda on my list every week and now I want to out of habit. It's foolish."

"It's not foolish, Grandma," Rory said. "I still like soda. I don't mind drinking it if you want to get it."

"You're sweet," Emily said, smiling sadly. "But you don't need to pretend for me."

"Hey, Dad, you didn't happen to find any of my old vinyls, did you?" Lorelai asked, breaking the silence. "Because I couldn't find my Bangles record last week and I suddenly had this memory of trying to play it on your record player in the study because yours was way better than mine and –"

"Drink, Lorelai," Emily said. "I'm sure there's no such nonsense in your father's study."

"I seem to recall banning you from my study after that because you almost destroyed the turntable," Richard remarked. "That must have been why."

The maid appeared to announce dinner and, as they got up, Lorelai whispered to her daughter,

"Aren't family dinners fun?"

As Rory cut into her pork chop Emily asked,

"So tell us, Rory, how's life been in New York?"

"It's fine."

"And work? Are you enjoying it?"

"It's –"

"And are you eating well?" Emily persisted, cutting her granddaughter off. "I hope you're eating a rounded diet, Rory, I thought you looked a little thin. Do you eat three meals a day? Are you getting enough sleep?"

"Whoa, Question Lady!" Lorelai exclaimed. "Let her answer one thing before you hound with her another."

"I'm not hounding!"

"Rory's fine," Lorelai said and Emily replied tartly,

"I'm talking to my granddaughter, if you don't mind. Are you fine, Rory?"

"Yes, Grandma, I'm fine," Rory said, a little weary of the adjective. "I promise."

"And you're eating properly? You're getting enough sleep?"

"I'm not malnourished in any way and I go to bed at eleven."

Emily nodded, not looking entirely satisfied and said,

"I still doubt you cook real meals. Well, you're eating properly now, at least. Tell me, how is work?"

"Work's...great," Rory said, biting back the word fine. "I just finished an article. I'm totally done for the week."

"And how are things outside work?"

"What do you mean, Grandma?"

"I mean, what have you been doing outside work? Seeing friends? I hope you still have an active social life, Rory. I was so sad when you left the DAR."

"My social life is fine," Rory said, too annoyed to change the word. "I actually saw an old friend last week."

"You did?" Lorelai asked curiously. "Who?"

"It's not important," Rory said, regretting saying anything. "Just an old friend from home."

"Well, there's nothing like old friends," Emily said briskly. "Pick up your fork, Lorelai. You want to eat that chop before it gets cold."

Lorelai did so and, as she finished the meat, Rory felt her flummoxed stare all through the course and dessert.

"You were being shady at dinner."

"I was not being shady."

Rory got her bag from the car, closing it and starting up the path. Her stomach protested with every step.

"You so were," Lorelai said, opening the front door and standing in front of it so Rory couldn't pass her. "You're more shady than that big guy Moose. What old friend? Why were you being so weird about it?"

"I wasn't being weird! Look, can we continue this extremely pointless interrogation inside?"

"Boy, you're crabby when you're tired," Lorelai said, letting her daughter inside. "It's a good thing gorging slows you down."

"Shut up," Rory said weakly. She put a hand on her stomach which let out a threatening gurgle and said, "I should never have had that second piece of pie."

"Especially not with icecream!"

"Mom, do you want me to puke?"

"If the puke comes with answers."

"Mom, please," Rory begged. "Stop right there. I'm going to go change."

"I'll still be here!" Lorelai called as Rory went into her bedroom. "And I'm still going to pry!"

Rory ignored her and closed the door. Her room was unchanged from when she had lived there. The same posters still hung on the walls, the same stuffed animals were on the chair and inside the closet hung her Chilton uniform. Rory took off the expensive purple dress and exchanged it for a T-shirt and sweats she found in a drawer. She hung up the dress, stuffed her feet in some slippers and came back out to find Lorelai in similar attire, lying on the couch with a big bag of marshmallows.

"That's sick."

"You know you want one," Lorelai said, holding out the bag. "Spill."

"My stomach's going to explode," Rory said but, after a moment, she took a marshmallow and sat next to her mother, pushing her legs out of the way and tucking up her own.

"Come on, Rory. Talk."

Rory chewed the marshmallow before taking a deep breath and saying,

"The old friend was Jess."

"Jess?" Lorelai exclaimed. "As in, Luke's nephew?"

"I don't know any others!"

"So why didn't you say anything?"

"Remember when Jess came to dinner that time? It was hardly a rousing success."

"Rory, that was years ago, and besides, why didn't you say anything to me? We talked three times last week and you didn't mention it once. Why?"

Rory shuffled her feet slightly and looked down.

"I don't know," she mumbled and heard her mother sigh.

"Come on, Rory. You had a reason."

"I thought you'd be weird about it," Rory said eventually. "I thought you'd make a big deal."

She helped herself to another marshmallow as Lorelai stared and then demanded,

"What does that mean? Yes, it's a little weird, Rory. You haven't seen him since before Lane's wedding and now you're hanging out and you never told me?"

"It was one coffee," Rory said quietly. She'd never told Lorelai about going to see Jess last year and, it seemed, Jess had never told Luke either. Rory decided now was not the time to bring it up.

"And that was weird too," Lorelai continued. "Going to his open house."

"He's my friend."

"Your friend? Rory, the last time you saw him before that was when he begged you to run off with him! And the time before that, he told you he loved you and drove away! In what interval of time did you become best buddies?"

"Mom, stop it!" Rory exclaimed, making her mother stare. "Just stop! You and Paris, acting like I did something lewd or wrong when all I did was see my friend and yes, he was my boyfriend but he was my friend first and you act like it means nothing!"

"Rory," Lorelai said in astonishment as her daughter stopped for breath, suddenly unable to look her in the eye. "Honey, what is it? What did I say wrong? I wasn't trying to accuse you of...Rory, look at me."

Rory unwillingly looked up and Lorelai took her hand.

"Sweets, what is it? I wasn't trying to upset you."

"I know," Rory said, throat tight, and Lorelai pressed,

"Well, what then?"

"It's nothing," Rory said, wishing she was on the phone so she could make an excuse to end the conversation. "It's just – all we did was go for coffee, Mom. It was nice. I hadn't seen him since – it's been a long time and I liked seeing him. I missed him. What's wrong with that?"

"There's nothing wrong with that," Lorelai said gently. "Oh Rory, I just want you to be happy."

"I am, Mom. I'm fine."

Lorelai nodded, relinquishing her hand and sighing. She ate another marshmallow herself and asked,

"Are you going to for coffee again?"

"Probably."

"Did you tell him about Paul?"

"Sort of. He knows about him, and that we broke up, but I didn't go into it."

"What would he need to know about him?" Lorelai asked. "He didn't see you when you were together."

"Right," Rory said awkwardly and, before her mother could notice, said, "So, have you remembered it's Movie Night?"

"Remembered?" Lorelai exclaimed, leaping off the couch in excitement. "Are you insinuating I could forget? Check out the selection, box one is videos and box two is DVDs. Take your pick."

"I say video," Rory said, smiling. "Let's go retro."

"Amen to feeling old, sister friend."

Lorelai and Rory watched two movies before dragging themselves to bed, Rory realising she had eaten half the bag of marshmallows. Her stomach made a threatening rumble as she crawled into bed.

Rory lay awake long into the night and it was not the ill-advised gorging which kept her up. The words of her mother and friend echoed in her mind and Rory shifted over and over in the hopes of finding a position comfortable enough to sleep. They had not said anything she hadn't suspected them of thinking already yet hearing it made Rory more uncomfortable than before. She thought about how Lorelai didn't even know about her other visit to Jess, after Lane's wedding, and what her mother would say. Lorelai had thought it was weird enough to start with and Rory screwed her eyes up as she imagined her mother's response. She lay on her back, wondering what Lane would say, and Luke, and why it was bothering her so. Paris's acrid words sounded in her mind, her amusement about sharing his bed and Rory felt her cheeks redden in the dark room. She was glad her mother was asleep and, as she turned over again, her thoughts moved to Jess and what it meant to him and if he, too, was feeling this almost teenage sense of shame. As Rory finally drifted into sleep her dreams were unsure, seamed with uncertainty and the searching sense of misunderstanding.