A/N: This chapter is dialogue heavy, and although not much action happens this was needed to get the story moving forward. Sorry if it's not as exciting or something as others! But Sam needed to resolve her issues and it was time for Brooke and Lucas to know. And yes, the notebook idea came from the story "Left."
Lucas followed Brooke down the stairs with Sam still safe in his arms. Her crying was settling, "Shhhhh. It's okay. You're okay." Lucas kept repeating softly.
Brooke sat down and she patted the space next to her.
"Can I put you down Sam?" He asked gently, "Or do you want to sit on my lap?"
Sam undid her hold on him and Lucas put her down. She slowly went to sit in the space near her mother and put her legs up onto the couch. She scooted and rested her head on Brooke's shoulder . Lucas sat on the coffee table in front of them both. He watched as Brooke placed a kiss on their daughter's head with an arm securely around her. Both parents stayed silent and waited for Sam to say something, "It was his eyes. I saw them again." They barely heard her say.
Brooke rubbed her girl's arm when she felt Sam nestle herself further into her. Brooke didn't know who 'he' was, but either way she needed to let Sam know it wasn't real. "It was just a dream. We won't let him hurt you."
Sam breathed in her mother's scent and stayed quiet letting the soft comforting murmurs coming from her mom calm her.
Sam sat up after a moment and realized that this was her chance to tell them everything. She had the guts and wasn't sure if that feeling would come back. She crossed her legs on the couch and folded her hands on her lap, choosing to focus on them. "It was the nightmare. That's why I" She blushed, "-that's why it happened." She fought for the words to come out.
Brooke looked at Lucas for a second then to her daughter, "Sammy, was it the clown again?"
Sam shook her head, "I'm not scared of clowns. I lied." She wrung her hands and bit her lip, "I-I'm scared of-" She felt her voice catch, "Mike. In my dreams."
Lucas felt his whole body tense. His eyes darkened at the mention of his name. Sam willed a glance at her father and she quickly looked back down. Brooke knew she'd have to lead the conversation, because Lucas was not in the mindset.
"You dreamt about Mike today? Why didn't you tell us last time?" She asked turning Sam's chin so she could look at them, "We're not mad Sammy. We just want to help you." She assured her.
Sam nodded, thankful for that, "I, I didn't want to tell you because I was scared of what you were gonna think of me. We ran into him on Sunday when I was in Southside."
Lucas's head shot up, "What?! What did he do?"
Sam looked at her mom and gave her a pleading look. Brooke turned to Lucas, "Luke." She said with a warning glare. Her eyes darted to Sam and then back to him, "Please."
He sighed, "I'm sorry Sam. I just, that guy, he, he can't be near you. Where were you? I don't want you going around that part of Southside if he's going to be there."
Sam took a deep breath.
"I visited Joan."
"Your old foster mother?" Brooke was now confused, "You visited Mike's home?" She did her best to stay calm, but both parents were quickly realizing that Sam had done some things that deserved a scolding, or two...or three.
Sam chanced a look at Brooke, "Y-yes?"
Brooke's eyes widened.
"Oh, Samantha." Lucas said tiredly.
"B-but I didn't know that he lived there!" Sam argued, "Last time I talked to Joan she told me they'd divorced, but, but she lied to me. And I went because I needed her to tell me what I did wrong!" She stopped herself and she scowled, "But it was stupid. I know that now. I didn't do anything, I guess."
Lucas scooted closer to the couch, "Sammy, what're you talking about? What do you mean?"
Sam sighed, "I, well, after Ashley said all those things I started thinking about Joan because, um, she was the closest thing I had to a mom." She made sure to turn to Brooke, "But I know you're my mom now Brooke. It's just before I knew who you were she-"
Brooke nodded, "Don't worry Sam, go ahead."
Sam took a moment to sniffle and wipe her nose on her sleeve. "When I told Joan that I didn't want to live with Mike anymore but that I wanted to stay with her because I loved her and she was like my mom she, she said no." Sam let a few stray tears fall. She was still hurt after all, "She just said no, just like that."
Sam was transported back to that day, "And then the next day she took me to Thrice and told her they couldn't care for me. I, I begged her not to leave me. I held onto her and she just pushed me away. I remember I ripped two buttons from her shirt when she pulled me away. I was so mad! From one day to the next, just like that. She said it wouldn't work. She said Mike was her priority." Sam brushed her sleeve against her face to wipe the tears.
If Lucas and Brooke had never felt heartbreak in their life, this moment was definitely it. Hearing their daughter, their very flesh and blood, describe how she was thrown away and denied love hurt more than their own pain.
They didn't try to interrupt. They could tell Sam was lost in her own world. She was talking at them, but not really talking to them.
"So I needed to know if I did something to make her choose Mike over me. I guess I thought she considered me her daughter, but I was wrong. And Ashley saying all those things just made me feel insecure again. If you keep saying something over and over again it won't take long for someone to believe it. You know? I don't think Ashley realizes that."
Brooke cupped her daughter's cheek, "I don't think she does either."
Their heart ached at Sam's words. They just wanted to suck all the pain away from her small body. The far away look in her eyes that made them uneasy.
"And I'm sorry. I know you guys love me. I do know that. Promise. It's just I thought that about Joan too, and I thought I screwed it up and I didn't want to do what I did with her too happen with you guys."
She looked at her mom and dad, "Because if I lose you guys then there's no one else left for me. You, you're the ones I can trust the most besides my friends. But my friends can't hold me like you guys can. I can't cry in front of them like I can with you. I can't feel 250% safe in their arms. Joan leaving me did hurt. But, but I don't think I can handle you guys leaving me." She picked up her mother's hand to play with the ring on her finger, "You're my mom and dad. I don't want to lose you." Her voice was so quiet they had to strain to hear her words.
Brooke looked up to the ceiling to hide the tears that welled up in her eyes and squeezed the little hand that played with her ring. Lucas gently shook Sam's knee, "One day Sam you're gonna believe us when we say nothing you do will ever make us leave you."
Sam nodded, "I, I know. I think I believe it now. I realized it when I asked Joan why she left me and she told me she was weak. That's all she kept saying 'I'm weak. I'm weak.' And, and that's what she said in my nightmare. When Mike was- " She stopped. She had avoided that part of the conversation for a reason.
Lucas grabbed her hands in his, "If you're not ready to tell us Sam."
Sam scooted back towards her mother. Sam was so close to Brooke that she was all but sitting on her mother's lap.
"It's up to you Sam." Brooke told her, "We're here for you."
Sam finally gave in to her mounting emotions and slipped her arms around her mother's waist and clung to her, letting tears and sobs go through her. Lucas sat down on the couch and put his arms around them both. Brooke's heart broke as she held her daughter.
"I hate him." Sam sobbed, "He hurt me! I hate him!"
"I know baby. I know. Mom and dad are here." Lucas said softly, though it was clear he was holding back a sob. He looked at Brooke who looked like she'd break at any moment as well.
Sam cried because of the memories.
She cried because for so long she didn't allow herself to come to terms with what had happened. She cried for that year of pure terror.
They stayed like this as they let Sam let it all go. In truth, they were worried. never had they seen her so distraught. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to have her talk to someone.
After some time Sam had cried herself out and she was only whimpering. When she had finally felt like she let it out. She slowly let go and got up from them both, but not before Lucas brought his shirt up to her face and wiped the tears and her runny nose.
"I, I wanna give you guys something. Is that okay?" She asked them.
"Of course champ." Lucas and Brooke watched her go upstairs, confused as to what just happened.
"Be strong Brooke." Lucas told her softly.
She nodded and wiped a tear away, "You too Lucas."
He smiled at her and pecked her lips, "I love you." He said.
"Not more than I love you." She responded with another kiss.
They watched Sam come down with a thick notebook. She looked apprehensive as she reached the bottom of the steps. She had it tucked under her arm as she walked towards her parents.
Sam sat where Lucas had on the coffee table and crossed her legs onto it. "Dad?" Her eyes met his.
Lucas gave her a small smile.
"I know you think that Mike did...that to me. But he, he didn't. He never raped me."
Lucas and Brooke cringed at the word coming from Sam. "I don't really know how to describe what he did without having to tell you everything, and I don't wanna do that because talking about it makes me so upset, and remembering sometimes scares me. But I wrote about it. I wrote to you guys actually. I always did write to you guys, since I was eleven."
"We remember you saying that at the showcase." Brooke replied.
She handed it to them, "Well this is all that I wrote."
Every inch of every page was covered with dates and blurbs. Some short ones, other very long ones.
"The first time with Mike, that's the first entry." Sam said nervously. This was the first time anyone had ever looked at her notebook.
Brooke and Lucas looked up at Sam, "Sammy thank you." Brooke said completely overwhelmed, "We know this must be hard for you."
"I've been wanting to give it you guys. I-I don't really write in it anymore. I have you guys now. I can just talk to you. I've only written in it like twice since I've been here."
Lucas felt his heart melt as he gave one good look at Sam. He needed to protect her. He couldn't imagine letting her go. What if someone did something to his baby and he wouldn't be there? He got it in his head that he would make sure that no one hurt Sam. How could so many adults have hurt her so badly? He just wanted to keep his little girl scooped up in his arms. He shook the thoughts away.
Sam gave a small yawn then looked back up to her parents, "There's another page that describes, um...the last time he...just the last time.. You'll know which one it is. I know you guys wanna read it now, but, umm, can you, well...wait? Until I'm not around? I just don't want-"
"We won't read it now." Lucas assured her as he checked the clock. It was midnight now and their baby needed to go back to bed, "Come on Sammy, it's late now. You need to go to bed."
Sam stayed glued to the table with her eyes wide. She didn't want to go back to sleep. What if she had another dream. Brooke bent her knees in front of Sam, "Do you wanna go to bed with us?"
Sam blushed, "But what if I-"
"Does it happen more than once?" Brooke asked realizing what Sam was going to say.
Sam shrugged, "Sometimes. I, I don't know if it'll happen again. Sometimes I have the nightmare more than once a night, and sometimes I'll have the nightmare but nothing'll happen. I can't control it. I'm sorry." Her head hung in shame.
Brooke lifted her chin up with a finger, "Hey." She waited for Sam's eyes to reach hers, "It's okay kiddo. It. Is. Okay. Dad and me won't get mad. We'll put a towel down, and if it happens, then it happens. We'll just clean it up. Okay? No worries. We promise. Right Luke?" She said looking to him.
Sam turned to her father. He flashed her a smile, "Yep. No worries champ. We'd rather you stay with us tonight anyways." He knew Sam had just confronted a lot and he really wanted them to be right there should she need them.
As Sam walked up with Brooke, Lucas looked at the notebook taunting him. It looked like it was once a five subject, but the dividers had long been torn off. It was old and well worn. He was tempted to read it, but knew he couldn't do it yet.
"Luke?" He heard Brooke call him from the top of the stairs. He turned, "I just, the notebook."
Brooke nodded. She understood, "She's washing her face righ now. Let's go to bed babe. We can look at it together later. Sam needs us tonight."
He sighed deeply and left the notebook where it was then headed up to be with his family.
And so mother, father, and daughter fell into bed. The smallest of them huddled between loving parents, closing her eyes to two voices telling her she was loved and safe.
…. ….. …..
The next morning Sam still laid asleep in Brooke's bed long past the time she should've woken up.
Brooke watched her sleep and sighed. Her daughter was finally at peace.
"Babe she's gonna be late to school if you don't wake her up." Lucas said coming into the room.
Brooke bit her lip, "I don't have the heart to wake her. You do it."
Lucas rolled his eyes, "Well neither do I." He took a seat next to Brooke, "I'm leaving in a few. How 'bout we let her skip school for today."
Brooke thought about it, "I'll wake her up before I go and let her know she can stay home."
"You're gonna leave her home alone?"
Brooke cocked her eyebrow, "Do you really think she's going to want to spend the day with me? I have a photoshoot today. Luke, last night she was vulnerable, but she's still a teenager she won't be so quick to cling to us today."
"After the stunt with Jack?" Lucas scoffed, "In her dreams she's staying home alone."
"Luke." Brooke sighed frustrated. When was he going to get over that?
"What?" Lucas said, "You can tell her it was per my orders. I don't want her home alone Brooke. I'm serious. That Jack kid and his dopey face is always over here. He'll probably skip school to be with Sam."
"You don't trust your daughter?" Brooke smirked at him. This was hilarious.
"I don't trust boys." He corrected her.
Brooke gave in. Poor Lucas was a nervous wreck when it came to Sam and boys, "Fine, fine. I'll take her with me."
Lucas smiled, "Thank you." He pecked her lips, then bent over and gave Sam a kiss on the cheek.
"So...the notebook." Lucas told Brooke.
"I know." Brooke said through a sigh.
"When? I don't think I can wait much longer."
"Tonight?" Brooke asked, "Sam could go over to Haley's, so she won't have to be here."
"Tonight it is then."
Nine o clock rolled around and Brooke went back up and gently shook Sam, "Sweetheart." She whispered, "It's time to wake up."
Sam's eyes fluttered open, "Mom?"
Brooke smiled, "That's me. And you have to wake up."
Sam sat up, "W-what time is it?"
"It's nine."
"I'm late!" Sam exclaimed.
"You're skipping school today."
Sam smiled, "Really?"
Brooke rolled her eyes at her daughter's glee, "Yes. You needed to sleep after last night. But you're coming to work with me."
At this, Sam's glee fell into a pout, "But why? I can stay home alone you know."
Brooke patted her knee, "I know, but not today. Get dressed okay? I leave at ten."
Sam would've argued but she was so grateful for their comfort last night that she just sighed and muttered out a 'fine then.'
Her face then blushed profusely when yesterday night's events hit her.
Brooke put a hand on her face well aware of what Sam was thinking, "Don't even worry about it. It happens, and then we move on."
Sam just nodded and picked at the skin on her thumb still a bit embarrassed.
Brooke took a moment as Sam was peeling off the covers, "Sam, would you rather we both stay home? We can, if you need too."
Sam actually felt okay. Talking it out last night had helped her tremendously. She knew her parents hadn't read what was in the notebook yet, but even if they had she'd be okay with it. The truth needed to come out and she wanted to move on.
"I'm fine. I promise."
"I'll let you get dressed then."
"Wait, hold on," Sam said.
Brooke turned around, "Yeah?"
Sam looked at her mother. Always so put together. The head of a company. People loved her. The paparazzi followed her like bees to honey in New York.
Yet, Brooke was also her mama. She cuddled with her, let Sam sit on her lap, cleaned up her face after she cried, scolded her, made her her eat carrots, bleh. And forced a coat on her even though Sam hated coats. That other persona Brooke had? Sam couldn't even relate to it. To her, Brooke Davis was just mom.
"Thank you."
Brooke understood the emotion and thought behind the simple gesture, "You don't need to thank me sweetheart. I'm your mother."
That was for sure. And Sam couldn't doubt it even for a minute.
…. …. ...
Sam was now in the back of the car with her mother. They were being driven into the city today. Sam sighed as she looked out the window, "Why couldn't you just drive? Doesn't being in the back of the car make it obvious that someone famous is inside?"
Brooke frowned. She knew Sam was right, but it was done out of habit. She didn't worry about directions and such when someone just drove her, and Millie worried about where they were going next and such. while Brooke could relax or work while on the way there.
"It's just Charlotte Sam. Not New York." Millie said trying to appease the pouting girl, "There will only be probably three paparazzi at most, besides it's not like they know you're with us. Else it really would've been a shit-"
Brooke gave her assistant a fierce glare.
"...show." She muttered out. "Sorry."
Brooke looked over at her daughter, "Sam it'll be fine. And it'll be quick. We'll be back in the office before 1."
"What're you gonna do anyway?" Sam asked her mom taking her attention away from the window.
"A photoshoot. We'll be there in twenty minutes."
Sam sighed and put in her headphones. Brooke took a deep breath to ease herself back into a relaxed state.
Before they walked out Sam watched as her mother put on her sunglasses. She followed her mother's lead and got out the car. Millie was right there wasn't anyone ready to take their picture which Sam was relieved about. Brooke held out her hand and Sam took it before they walked in.
Brooke instructed Sam to sit on the chair that was supposed to be for her. Sam sighed and was about to argue but her mother's raised eyebrow and perfectly manicured finger pointing to the chair made her do as she was told.
Millie stood next to the frowning Sam, making sure everything was running smoothly. "I'm bored." Sam murmured.
Millie rolled her eyes, "The shoot's about to start. It'll be quick."
"You guys both keep saying that." Sam pointed out. Millie gave the girl a look, "What would you like me to do for you then?"
Sam shrugged. She was getting a kick out of annoying Millie, "I dunno. You're my mom's assistant not mine."
"Well your mother told me to watch you. So if I can do something to help, then let me help."
Sam slumped into the chair, "Can I go outside?"
Millie looked at Sam, then at Brooke who was talking with the photographer. "You'd have to ask your mother."
Sam frowned, "She looks so...Brooke Davisy right now though."
"Brooke Davisy?" Millie said with a smirk and a hand on her hip.
Sam nodded, "You know. She has that serious 'I'm Brooke Davis and I mean business' face on her."
Millie laughed. Brooke had perfected her bitch face, and always put it on when she had too.
"Well I'm sure you can make that face melt right off her."
"I'd rather not try." Sam mumbled. Millie could tell the poor girl was bored to death, "Go on Sam." Millie told her, "She won't get mad at you. Let her know I told you to ask."
Sam slipped out of the chair and made her way towards her mom. She stood a few feet behind and was going to wait until her mom stopped talking with the director.
"Is that your daughter?" The director asked abruptly cutting off whatever Brooke was spouting.
"Excuse me, what?" Brooke asked.
The director pointed at Sam, "Your daughter. Is that her?"
Brooke turned around and saw Sam, "Yes it is." She said quickly, "Sammy what's up?" She asked. Millie was right. The face had melted right off. Sam smiled to herself. She was Brooke's weakness.
"I, umm, asked Millie if I could go outside 'cause I got bored. But she said to ask you." Sam said.
Brooke nodded, "Okay, go ahead. But don't go too far okay?"
"I won't. I just wanna walk around and stuff."
Brooke nodded, "I have money in my purse. Millie has it. There's a McDonald's across the street. But get something light, if you decide to go."
"Wait." The director said, "How about a small set with you both."
Sam gave him a wild look, "What?"
Brooke shook her head, "I don't think that'd be a good idea." She knew Sam would not be up for it.
"Think about it!" He exclaimed, "B. Davis magazine debuts the famed mother daughter pair."
"Famed?" Sam asked now confused. Since when was she 'famed?'
The director nodded, "Oh yes. New York is just dying to see Brooke step off the airplane alongside her daughter. And by the cute looks of you, they'd just fall in love with you two! Look at you, you have your mother's beauty! Although you're definitely on the short side. What are you 4 feet 11 inches? The press would fall head over heels for Brooke Davis's little girl! Maybe not model material but you have innocence written all over you! It's perfect, the media will just eat it all up!"
Sam's head spun with all the director was saying. Brooke felt her blood boil. She would not expose Sam to that lifestyle.
"Enough!" Brooke's voice left no room for argument and the man's mouth closed promptly, "My daughter will not be a part of this shoot. So stop talking about any of that, especially in front of her. I have made it explicitly clear, in board meetings, and in New York that she is not to be involved in any B. Davis enterprise proceedings. If it hasn't been communicated to you then I'm telling you now. And if you don't cooperate then you can leave and I can contract someone else. Now can we go on with this? I told Sam-" She pointed to her daughter, "That we'd be back by one. It is now eleven, and we are yet to start."
The director, feeling thoroughly chastised gulped, "Uhm, yeah Brooke-"
"It's Ms. Davis, to you." Brooke said with crossed arms.
"Yes, Ms. Davis." The man blushed, "Sure."
Brooke gave him a curt nod, then turned back to her daughter and gave her a quick hug and a kiss on her forehead.
"Go ahead sweetheart. We'll be done in an hour or so. Make sure you have your phone with you so I can call you."
Sam nodded. "O-okay. Thanks." She walked off towards Millie. She had no idea that her mother was protecting her so fiercely from being in the spotlight. She had just taken the privacy for granted. But she wondered if it was worth doing one little interview or shoot, for her mom. She knew that Brooke had been pestered about it and just a shoot or an interview, Sam thought, would calm the realm of celeb gossip.
…. …. ….. …..
After the shoot mom, daughter, and assistant trekked back to the high end office. Sam was now sitting in the chair in front of her mother's desk reading the latest assignment for Haley's class. They had just started but could tell she was going to like it. She liked all the books in Haley's class so far actually. She loved the challenge. At her old school English consisted of worksheets and remedial review.
Brooke couldn't help but steal some glances at Sam. She was glad that Sam decided to behave herself today. The drive to the shoot worried her a bit since Sam seemed restless, but her daughter had proved her wrong.
"New book?" Brooke asked.
Sam turned the page and nodded, "Mhm. To Kill a Mockingbird. For Aunt Haley's class."
Brooke smiled. Her daughter was naturally smart and she wore it well. Never did she boast about it, just did her work and got the grades. Brooke felt a sense of relief. Thank God she didn't act the way she had in school.
Sam put the book down, "Mom?"
Brooke kept her attention on her computer, "Hmmm?" She rose her eyebrow.
"You know I could give an interview or photo shoot or something."
Brooke stopped and looked at her daughter with trepidation, "What?"
Sam gained a bit more courage, "An interview or anything really. Just one, so everyone can chill and leave you alone. I can do that. I don't mind."
Brooke shook her head, "No." Then went straight back to her work.
Sam's eyebrows furrowed. Why did Brooke just shoot her idea down so easily?
"Brooke!" Sam retorted annoyed.
Brooke sighed, "Samantha, I said no."
"Why?!"
The door opened and both Brooke and Sam turned to look. It was Millie.
"Yes Millie, what?" Brooke said with frustration in her voice.
Millie could tell the two were in the middle of something heavier than just a jovial conversation, "I'll umm, come back later." She mumbled before making her exit.
Sam turned back to her mother, "I'm just trying to help you!"
Brooke took a deep breath, "It's not your job to worry about me. I don't want you interviewing or anything of the sort and that's final."
"That's stupid!" Sam sassed.
Brooke pressed the bridge of her nose before looking back up at Sam, "Samantha, you don't know the celebrity world like I do, and I know that they won't just leave me or you alone after one interview or one photoshoot. It'll just spiral into something else. Trust me on this. I'm just trying to protect you."
Sam huffed and crossed her arms, "You're being paranoid. I'm not some fragile little thing Brooke. I can do a stupid interview and then just say no to the rest of them."
But if Brooke knew anything it was the fashion and celebrity world, and she was determined to not expose Sam to it. "I said no. That's the end of this discussion and I don't want you asking me again. Is that clear?"
Sam stuffed her book into her backpack, "Fine." She rose from her chair gruffly, not in the mood to be near her mom at the moment. Brooke was being way too overprotective and she was just trying to help!
"Where do you think you're going?" Brooke asked her fleeing daughter.
Sam turned back around, "I'm gonna go with Maurice. Or am I not allowed to do that either?"
"Stop it Sam." Brooke warned, "We let you do a lot, and you know that. This is different and you may not understand it, but that speaks to your youth and inexperience. I am the mother and you do as I say."
Sam clutched the strap of her backpack, "Fine. Can I go?"
Brooke sighed, "Yes. Keep your phone with you."
Sam didn't answer she just went out and straight down to where Maurice sat on the front desk of the building.
"Hey bud." Maurice said as he watched the small girl hop onto the marble desk. Normally people were not allowed to do that, but this was Brooke Davis's daughter, the fancy designer from New York who was up on the sixth floor, and honestly, he loved when the little girl came around. He loved to see her interact with her mom and her ever frazzled assistant. And he loved that Sam always took the time to stop and talk to him, often having conversations too long for Brooke and Millie's patience, so they'd leave her to talk with Maurice while they went back up.
"Hi Maury." Sam said with a sigh.
"What's eating you kid?"
"Brooke." She grumbled.
He chuckled, "Your mama? What'd she do?"
"It doesn't matter." She said, "Can I just hang out with you?"
"Sure thing Sam, how 'bout you greet those coming in."
"I can do that." Sam said with a smile. Why is it that Maurice could trust her but Brooke wouldn't accept her help?!
As time passed, a rather familiar man walked in.
Sam smiled and sat up, as she swung her legs from where she was perched on the counter, "Hello sir. What floor?"
"Hmmm, actually I came to see a certain shorty and she's sitting right in front of me."
Sam opened her arms with a toothy smile and Nate picked her up with a strong hug.
"Hi Nate." She said as he put her back onto the counter.
"Hi buddy. Hi Maurice."
"Good day Mr. Scott." Maurice said cheerfully.
"You came to see me?" Sam asked, "What for?"
"Yup. Your dad called me to pick you up. He has the final game today, and your mom tells me you probably wanna get out of here anyways."
She nodded, "Please do." She turned to Maurice, "Sorry."
He shrugged, "Get out of here kid. Enjoy the freedom."
"Let's go?" Sam asked.
Nathan looked at her amused, "You don't want to tell you mom first?"
Sam sighed, "Not really. Brooke's busy anyway. I'll just text her." She hopped off and tried to veer towards the door but Nathan caught her, "Nice try kid. Go up and say bye to your mom. I'll wait here."
Sam pouted and looked over at him but he just pointed to the elevator.
When Sam got to her mother's floor, she scanned the place and noticed that her mother was talking with an employee, and hadn't noticed her yet. Perfect. She quickly went to Millie's desk, "Millie can you tell my mom I'm leaving now with Nate."
"Why don't you tell her yourself?
Sam rolled her eyes, "...No, you can do it. Just tell her okay? BYE!"
She spun around, but stopped dead when she saw her mother point at her, with a serious face and mouth the word, "Wait." Sam sighed. Damn it.
"Well shit." She mumbled.
"Language." Millie scolded the girl.
Sam just shot her a look then turned back and watched as her mother wrapped up her conversation and made her way towards her.
"I'm leaving with Nate now. Bye!" Sam said quickly when Brooke wa a few steps from her.
Brooke rolled her eyes at Sam's tactics and took a large step and caught her daughter's arm, "I know you think I'm being overprotective Sam."
The girl stopped and looked at her mom.
"I don't think. I know." Sam stated.
Brooke narrowed her eyes, "Listen Sam, and listen carefully...Do you know what they're going to do if you interview? They're going to try and get at your past, and they won't be nice about it. They'll pester you until they find out everything and then blow it up for the whole world to see. Do you want that? Do you want everyone knowing how hard you had it? Hmmm? I don't want that for you. And if that means being overprotective about it, then so be it."
In the back of her mind, she knew her mom was probably right, but now she was just being stubborn, "Well it's my life and I should be the one to decide not you."
Brooke put a hand on her hips, "Oh really?"
Sam wasn't sure if she was going too far, but kept going anyways, "Yes." She mumbled.
Brooke put a hand on her daughter's shoulder and bent to her level, "You are sorely mistaken. Yes, it is your life, and your father and I know that."
"Mom-"
Brooke put a finger up to silence her, "No, you listen. We know that you are your own person. You've made it quite clear multiple times, but you are still a child and in many ways you are inexperienced and naive."
Brooke could see Sam was set to argue.
"AND, young lady, I know you don't want to hear that, but it's the truth. That's why it's up to your father and I to decide whether certain things are okay for you. My decision is final. Do not fight me on this Sammy. It's for your own good."
Sam could tell she had pushed her mom too much on this, and she didn't want to argue about it anymore. She just wanted her mama, but not the frustrated version of her. "Okay, fine."
"Okay?" Brooke asked to be clear.
"Yes, geez Brooke. Okay. " Sam said annoyed now.
"Sammy." Brooke sighed.
"Can I leave now?" Sam said quietly. She looked down at her feet, "Nate is waiting."
Brooke looked at her daughter sadly, "Yes. You may go."
Sam nodded, but then surprised Brooke by wrapping her arms around her mother. She didn't say anything but Brooke was glad to hold her daughter. They'd been at odds since the photoshoot and it was nice to feel her daughter melt into her for a moment.
"Go on Sammy. Nate's waiting." She said with a firm pat to her daughter's behind.
Sam walked out saying bye to Millie and rolling her eyes at the 'behave' that came from her mother's assistant.
… … …
Nate looked at Sam who was leaning on the window as they drove, "Long day?"
"Long night." Sam replied.
He frowned a bit. Luke had told him roughly what happened, but he didn't dare let on that he knew. Sam would've been mortified.
"How are things with Liz?" He asked cautiously.
"I haven't talked to her. I don't want to talk to her."
He looked over as the car came to a red light, "You know she feels really bad about this."
Sam picked her head up from the window and looked at Nate with a bit of frustration, "Well she can feel bad about it all she wants. I don't know what you want me to say. That I forgive her? Because I'm tired of having to forgive everyone. Of letting things slide and just accepting that it happened. For once I want to be mad and stay mad. I forgave my mom, I forgave my dad. I accepted that I had a shitty home before them. I let all these people before I got to Tree Hill hurt me because that's all I could do to survive. But I'm tired! I'm tired of just letting all these things happen to me! I want to be in control for once! Just once in my life."
She turned roughly from Nate and crossed her arms staring angrily towards the front.
The light went green and Nate lightly hit the gas and took the car into a parking lot. He shut the car off and turned to Sam, "Sam?"
"What?" Sam still didn't turn to look at him.
"I can't pretend to know what happened to you. But I agree. It's hard when your whole life you've been told what to do. You've been pushed and pulled around. I know what that feels like. You just want control. And for the first time, you are on equal ground with the person who hurt you. Liz is not your guardian, not your mom, or your dad. She's not the judge, or the social worker. She's your friend. She's your equal, and now you have the upper hand, and that feels good. I know it does."
Sam nodded, "It does." She spoke meekly.
He put a hand on her shoulder and waited for her to meet his stare. "Sweetheart I want you to do whatever you feel like you should do. If you're angry, be angry. If you want to forgive her, forgive her. But I'm gonna let you know something, sometimes it hurts you more to be the one that's angry. It just ate me up inside, I don't want it to eat you up."
Sam gave him a curious look, "Nate?"
"Yeah?"
She looked at him suddenly with wisdom beyond her years, and he could see it. Right then, he realized that this girl, young and naive in many ways, understood hurt more than most of the adults he knew. His heart wanted to break at this realization.
"I know what it's like to be hurt and angry. I know what it's like to hold something painful for years." Her mind thought of Mike and how she just only started letting it out, though slowly. "I don't hold grudges against people. I won't hold one against Liz. I promise. But for now, you have to let me be mad."
Nate gave her a small smile and fought back the tears he felt coming into his eyes, "When did you get so wise?"
She tried to smile back at him and ducked her head, "Experience, I guess."
He cleared his throat, "Manny's over at our house. He's waiting for you."
"Really?"
"Yep." He nodded, "Haley brought him over. She figured you'd want to hang with him."
Sam leaned back to the seat, "Yeah that'd be nice. Am I staying with you guys, until my aprents get home?"
"Mhm. Not that they don't trust you alone or anything. I think they'd just prefer you to be around family and friends right now."
She shrugged, "I get it." She didn't really want to be alone anyways, "Thanks Nate."
"Anything for you kiddo."
….. ….. ….
Brooke and Lucas stared at the notebook in front of them, then at one another. They were set to do it. Look into their daughter's past, and frankly they were terrified. But Sam had finally given them a complete guide to what her life was like before them and it was a step they were glad she had finally taken.
They ran their hand over some of the pages, some with smudged ink. Ink that had been washed by tears, and they both knew it.
They knew she had cried her emotions into the notebook for three whole years. "Mama and Daddy" is what she called them. Two people who weren't there when she needed them. Lucas felt a warm tear slip down his cheek. He wiped it off.
"Should we….start?" He asked.
Brooke nodded and turned the book back to the first page.
Hi Mama. Hi Daddy.
I'm 11 years old, and I'm in sixth grade. My teacher says I am smart. I always try to make good grades. If I make bad grades people won't love me.
I tried to play the piano today but it just wasn't the same. I couldn't imagine you guys and it didn't feel good anymore. I think it's because of Mike. He is my foster father, and Joan is my foster mother. Joan is really nice. Mike was nice. Then something happened. It's my fault.
I don't know what I did wrong. Mike says I'm a bad girl now. He says it all the time, ever since last Friday when he came into my room. He made me take off my pants and he kissed my stomach and kept touching my lips. I was so scared! When are you guys gonna find me?
Then he got mad and started to hit me with the belt. I think he hit me 12 times then he slapped me and pushed me. It hurt so much! I bet you would never do that to me. I thought Mike loved me. I don't know. It's my fault! My fault! That's what he said. Please don't be mad that I let him do that to me. He said I tempt him.
I asked my teacher what that meant and she says it's tricking someone to do something they don't wanna do. I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to trick him! Please believe me. I wish I'd just know who you are.
I love you.
…
Dear Mama and Daddy,
I went to see Tamara's mom with her today. Her mom's REAL skinny and has funny looking bruises all over her arms. She pushed Tamara when T told her to stop doing drugs because she needed her. I yelled at her and she screamed for us to leave. T. was real sad after that. We went to Cyldesville and I played the piano so she could be happy. But I hate the piano. It doesn't work the same like it used to. I hope you find me soon.
Love,
Sam
…
Hi mama, Hi daddy,
I got real sick today. My ear hurts and Joan says I have a fever. I wish you could hold me right now mama. And dad you could bring me medicine. I don't really know what a dad's supposed to do when their kid is sick. But that's what I imagine you doing. Maybe you could hold me too? Instead I have to stay home and watch tv by myself because Joan has to work. I hate being alone. What if Mike comes home early? I'm really cold and sweaty all at the same time. Being sick sucks.
Love,
Sammy
…
Jack and me stole some clothes today. It was fun and we didn't get caught. I think in real life I wouldn't tell you this because I'd probably be in trouble. But I got a cool new shirt, and I like it. Jack got pants. His foster mom asked him where he got those pants and he said he found them in the trash. She believed him! We were laughing so hard when we got to his room! Jack was crying because he was laughing so hard. I've never seen him so happy. T. wasn't here today. She tried talking to her mom again but didn't let me come. Jack and me are gonna try another store tomorrow. It's gonna be fun, and I'm excited to see Jack super happy again. Jack holds me at night sometimes when I want him too. He knows about Mike. We spend a lot of time together. He's like my brother! But he kisses my cheek and holds my hand, and that's fun too. It makes me feel special. I like to feel special. It's nice.
Sorry for stealing.
…
Daddy and Mama,
I know why you guys haven't found me yet now. Mike told me it was because I was a bad girl and it's a chore to love me. He told me when he went into my room today. Joan stayed quiet and didn't say anything. I don't know. I try to be good. I know I'm not perfect. If I were perfect, would you come find me? It's my fault. When Mike comes in he tells me to tell him that I love him. I say it every time because I'm scared that he's gonna hit me if I say no. He still hits me anyway, but I'm scared. I hate being scared. I hate it so much.
Wish you were here.
…
He took off my shirt and almost my bra. He beat me real hard this time. My lip's swollen. Joan didn't let me go to school. She put ice on it. She took care of me. It was nice.
I hate life. I hate Mike. I hate you.
I turned twelve today. Fuck you both.
…
Fuck it all. He did it again. It's getting worse. I'm scared he's going to go too far one day.
…
He took my shirt off and kissed me today. He pushed me off the stairs today. I broke my arm today…...I lost Joan today. I'm being taken to Clydesville tomorrow. I realize it's not worth looking for you. Or believing this stupid fantasy I had of finding you and being one big happy family. I thought Joan loved me. I really, sincerely did. I don't want her to leave me. Mama, you weren't there for me, but Joan was, and now she doesn't wanna be.
Nobody loves me.
Sam
…
I'm going to California with Tamara. We're leaving this damn state. I'm so tired of everything. I'm tired of being seen as worthless, because that's all I am here. But a fresh start will be wonderful. I'll still be in foster care over there, but I don't really care about that anymore. I figure running away will be easier when you're new into the system. But I'm excited to get to see the Pacific ocean and the Golden Gate Bridge, and Hollywood, and do all the things I can't do here. I feel stuck here. Frozen.
I just have to find you both to sign some papers. I actually know who you are though. I broke into the files at Clydesville. I have something to tell you:
Dear Brooke Davis and Lucas Scott,
Thanks for absolutely nothing.
Sincerely,
Sam
…
Mama and Daddy,
So I met you.
I'm scared.
I hate being scared.
You guys are really cool and nice. I'm so confused. Don't leave me, please. I want to stay with you both.
…..
They stopped reading. They had only looked at pieces of the notebook, but that was enough. The darkness that Sam had fallen into after he started to abuse her, hurt them so much.
Lucas wanted to make that Mike character pay for for everything that he had done to his baby. He felt a rage boil through him.
Brooke grabbed his hands, "Stop." She said resolutely.
"What?" His voice was stringent and filled with fury.
"You can't do anything about it."
"Oh, yes we can. His ass is going to prison."
Brooke took a deep breath, "Babe, it's up to Sam, and she's told us many times that she wants to forget. If she doesn't want to go through with it, then we won't."
"What the hell am I supposed to do?!" Lucas exclaimed, "Sit here?" His voice cracked and tears fell down his face, "Know that some disgusting pervert hurt my daughter? She was just a baby Brooke! She was eleven when it started. Oh my god, she was just eleven!" He cupped his mouth and sobbed. Brooke put an arm around him, but he stood up, "I need air Brooke. I'm, I'm sorry."
She looked at him, "Give me your keys."
"Why?"
"Luke, you know why."
He gave her a hurt look, "I can't believe you're actually telling me to give you my keys. You don't trust me to control myself?"
Brooke stood up, "Babe please." She pleaded with an furious Lucas, "Just give them to me."
He pushed them towards her, "You don't trust me." He spit angrily, " I can't deal with this. I can't." He walked out and Brooke sat down in a daze. Where Lucas was going? She had no idea.
But Brooke wanted was her child. She wanted to hold her precious daughter. Logically she knew her daughter was safe at Haley's. That her daughter was safe with them. But she just had this image of that man preying on her and...and...she just needed to have her daughter home!
She calmed herself down, picked up her phone and dialed Haley's number,
"Hello?"
"Hales."
"Hey Brooke, what's up?"
"Can you tell Sam I'm gonna go pick her up?"
Haley furrowed her eyebrows, "Are you sure? It's only seven."
"Yes, I'm sure."
Brooke heard Haley call out to Sam, "Sammy your mom's gonna come pick you up right now!"
She also heard Sam, which made her heart sag with emotion,
"Aww, right now? But I thought I was staying 'til nine. We just started the movie!"
Haley turned back to the phone, "Sam wants to talk to you." Haley handed the phone to the pouting teenager, "Here kiddo."
"Hey mom?"
Brooke tried hard not to cry at hearing Sam's voice. She imagined Sam saying the words in her notebook, "Yes, baby?"
"Can I stay longer? I thought you and dad wouldn't be home until later, like nine, and we just started a movie. Please, please?"
Brooke closed her eyes and looked to the ceiling. As much as she wanted to be close to her daughter, she didn't want to ruin Sam's night, "Sure Sammy. Call me when you need us to get you, okay?"
"Nate said he'll take me home. Is that okay? That way you don't have to be bothered. I know you and dad are tired."
Brooke wiped the tears from her cheeks, "You are never a bother Sam. Don't you worry about that. We'll go to the moon and back for you sweetheart."
Sam didn't know why her mom sounded so emotional right now. "Mom, are you okay?"
"I'm fine. I'm fine Sam. You're sure you want Nate to bring you?"
"Mhm. So see you later?"
"Yeah sweetheart. I love you."
"Love you too. Bye!"
Brooke's heart hurt.
It was an hour later and Luke was still gone. Where was he? Brooke felt alone. She needed him. He wasn't even answering his phone. Luckily he came in a bit after worry started to set into Brooke.
She turned to look at him. His face was much calmer, but sad.
"Where were you? Why the hell weren't you answering your phone?" She asked him clearly emotional.
"I took a walk." He sat down near her.
"You can't do that. You can't just storm out when you're mad. You have a daughter now! What if she had come home and you weren't here? What if she needed you? What if I needed you!? You think I don't trust you, but what if you had done something and gotten into trouble? You can't leave your daughter and me. We're a family!"
He nodded hurriedly, his eyes red and pushed her into his arms, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He said quietly. He silently thanked Haley and Nate for taking Sam for the evening.
… …. …
It was nine thirty when they heard the door open. Both parents were in the kitchen drinking coffee. Brooke atop Lucas's lap. Lucas absentmindedly playing with Brooke's hair whispering into her ear on occasion.
"Brooke? Lucas?" She called out.
"We're in here buddy." Lucas called out.
She walked over and saw the sadness in their faces, and she just knew. She knew they had read her notebook. Her smiling face fell, "You read it." Her voice was shaky.
They nodded, "Sammy-"
"No. I, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it for you guys to be sad. I just wanted you guys to know and now you're sad."
"Hey. Hey." Brooke walked over and wrapped her up, "Come here." She took her hand and picked Sam up when they got near the counter to sit her atop. Usually Sam hated when they did that. Her mother had a good five or six inches on her and her dad a whole foot so they maneuvered her easily. It always made her feel little, but for some reason this time it felt comforting to feel little.
Lucas and Brooke stood in front of her, "Thank you Sam." Lucas said, "We are so sorry that you had to go through all of that. Baby we're so sorry."
Sam crossed her legs in front of her and nodded, "It's, it's okay. I don't hold it against you guys anymore. I know you probably read all the times I was mean to you. I was just so mad and Mike, he, he hurt me and-"
"Princess, you had every right to be mad at us." Brooke gushed, "Dad and I love you so much. We want you to know that nothing's changed okay? Just because we read it doesn't make us love you any less or anything. Nothing that man did to you is your fault. Absolutely nothing. We don't want you blaming yourself."
"You don't think it's my fault?" She whispered ever so lightly.
"No Sam." Lucas assured her, "Not even one bit champ."
"I'm tired of thinking about him." Sam admitted, "I just want to forget."
Lucas looked at his daughter with deep concern, "Sweetheart, mom and I are gonna work hard to help you get over this."
Sam looked at them both curiously, "What do you mean?"
Brooke put a hand on her leg, "Sammy we want you to see someone. What do you think about that?"
Sam ducked her head, "I've never seen a shrink before. What if I don't like it?"
"We'll go twice. And if by the second time you don't like it, then we'll stop. How does that sound?" Lucas said. He was not beyond compromising. He just really wanted Sam to talk this out with someone professionally.
Sam sighed and gave a short nod, "I guess I can try."
Brooke smiled at her daughter, "It'll help you Sam. You'll see."
Sam gulped, "I, umm, also wanted to say sorry Brooke."
"For what Sam?"
Sam bit her lip, "For being difficult today. I shouldn't have kept bugging you especially 'cause you were working and stuff."
"It's okay Sam."
"Really?" Sam asked.
Brooke chuckled to herself, "Let's just try to be more mindful of the situation next time. I'm only trying to keep you safe."
Sam looked at the floor and hopped off. She would't say anything else because she didn't necessarily agree with her mother, but she didn't need to bring it up.
Lucas brought her in for a side hug, "Did you do your homework?"
Sam nodded, "Haley made me do it before we watched a movie." She told her father.
He gave her a gentle squeeze, "Alright, upstairs and get ready for bed."
"But it's still early." Sam whined.
Lucas looked at Brooke then Brooke took a DVD out of her purse. It was a collection of Fairly Odd Parents episodes. Sam's eyes widened with glee. She absolutely loved that show, but it was rarely on tv anymore.
"Where'd you get it?!" Sam said grabbing the dvd from her mother excitedly pouring over it.
Brooke and Lucas smiled sadly at her reaction. How much childhood had their daughter missed?
"I ordered it."
Actually, Nick from her office got it for Sam. The office found out about Sam's love of the show when they heard her excitedly chat about it to an unimpressed and thoroughly bored Millie. But Sam would be completely embarrassed if she knew that they knew about her secret love for the kid show.
"We can watch one or two episodes once you're all ready for bed." Lucas added.
"Can we watch it in your room Brooke? Your bed is comfortable."
"Yes we can." Brooke said guiding her daughter towards the stairs, and took the dvd from her hands, "I'll set it up. But come on, go shower and get your pi's on."
Sam walked up the stairs excited to see the two fairies and buck toothed kid with her parents.
Brooke and Lucas were already in bed, the dvd all set up and ready to go when Sam came in clad in one of Brooke's shirts and black socks. She crawled into the bed with her mom and dad. Brooke picked up the remote from her bedside table.
"Mom, can we see the pilot episode? I haven't seen that one yet." She said snuggling down into the covers, laying her head on her dad's chest.
Brooke nodded, "Okay. Get comfortable peanut." It was perfect. Lucas thought.
Their child was still so pure, so good after all that they had done to her. Did she misbehave and throw tantrums? Of course, what teenager doesn't. And yes, she still needed more reassurance than most kids, but that wasn't her fault. But she was loving, compassionate, and for some reason still held onto a child like innocence and naivete, regardless of what that man did. Sam was absolutely perfect in her parent's eyes.
And for the second consecutive night Sam was in between both her parents. They had shut off the dvd as Sam's eyes were barely staying open by the second episode. The tip of her blanket was poised to end up in her mouth and Barry secured in her arms. Brooke draped her arm around Sam and kissed her temple. She felt better knowing that her baby girl was safe in her arms. Lucas got as close as he could to the two girls in his life. They were his to protect and he would make sure that nobody ever hurt his daughter. Never again.
"Daddy?" Lucas heard a half asleep Sam say.
He smiled at her. She sounded so little when she was almost asleep.
"Yes?"
She looked up at her dad, "Did you guys win?"
He chuckled a bit and brushed stray hair from her face, "We did. We're champions."
"Congratulations." Sam smiled at him, "I'm glad you won. I guess you're the champ now."
Brooke listened on and tightened her hold on Sam as she talked. She wished she could hold Sam forever. Protect her forever.
"But you're the only champion I care about Sam." Lucas answered.
Sam closed her eyes, "I like that." She mumbled sleepily.
"Go to sleep little one." Brooke whispered. Sam nodded, "Night mama. Night daddy." She said before drifting off.
Okay, so I hope you guys enjoyed it anyways! I wasn't too sure. Please review and tell me what you think of the situation! I love you all so much. You guys are the reason I write :). Hopefully I can get the next chapter up by next weekend!
Also, I've gotten a lot of people asking me if Sam will ever be spanked, or telling me they want me to write it in, like right now. I usually write in suggestions (Ex: Involving Nate in this chapter, going the Brucas route vs the Brulian route) but I won't force a punishment onto Sam, it just seems cruel and a little unnatural with where the story is at. Sam is hurt right now and a full on spanking will most likely confuse her at the moment. A spanking will most likely come but when it does it'll be something that is clear that has to happen in the minds of Brooke and Lucas. Please be patient, and let the story progress. BUT I will tell you that I'm setting up the beginnings of the premise for it to happen starting in this chapter. Although that might change depending on how I write the following chapters. Sometimes I write how I imagine it, and other times the chapters change as the words flow onto the page ;).
With all that said I do write in suggestions I promise, I do! But just give me time, please!