HEEEYYYY. I'M ALIIIIIVE. SCHOOL'S OOOUUUUTTT. AND IT'S TIME FOR FANFICTION SEASON. ANIME-TARD IS BACK ONLINE, BITCHES. ARE YOU READY? 'Cause I'm READY FOR THIS SHIT. AW YEAH. (Someone's pumped, as you can tell.) And this a long chapter. Just for you guys. c:
Other than my OCs, I own nothing.
It was chaos. Absolute chaos for the Akatsuki. There was no possible way they were going to survive. They were doomed. Even Pein had a bad feeling about that day. Something worse than an attack from Orochimaru occurred. Something worse than the Akatsuki's deaths. Something just plain horrible.
The girls' pads stocks were low. Half the girls were on their period at the same time. And the kitchen was over half empty. Just pure chaos.
"Kakuzu. The maple syrup you buy is shit." Crysta stated as she poured some on a plate of waffles she made for herself. For lunch. He glanced up from the paper he was reading."There is nothing wrong with the syrup." He stated. She narrowed her eyes at him."It's too liquid-y and runs too fast. Maple syrup is meant to be thick and delicious. Not basically all liquid and not as delicious." She explained, throwing out the now empty syrup bottle. She sat across from the miser, who continued to read the paper in his hands."What, do you buy the syrup that's always on sale?" She asked, holding up a waffle and watching the syrup run off it, and make a small puddle on her plate. He looked up again."Yes, actually." Crysta took a bite, not answering him.
Kakuzu then realized she was having waffles for lunch.
He slowly looked at her."Why are you eating that for lunch?" He asked, pinching the bridge of his nose."Because Hidan ate the last of the lunch meat, and I wanted something sweet anyways.. Like maple syrup, so I took two of the four waffles that were left." Crysta explained. Kakuzu sighed."You could've had a peanut butter sandwhich. We have bread." He stated. She gave him a look."Did you not hear the part where I said "I want something sweet like maple syrup"?" She deadpanned."And why do you want something sweet?" He asked. She sighed, "Period, Kakuzu.. When on my period, I want sweet stuff.. And I'm almost out of pads."
Kakuzu shuddered, remembering the stains that were on their bed the last time that happened.
"Actually, a lot of us are running low on pads... Dawn's a lucky bitch, she doesn't get her period for the next few months." Crysta ranted. Kakuzu sighed, "We are not going shopping right now.. We'll make a stop for you, but not this second."
"The pad I have on is my second-to-last one." Kakuzu facepalmed."Alright, we'll make a stop soon.."
"And we should get groceries, too."
"No. We're not making today a shopping day." Kakuzu immediately said.
"Not without my permission, that is."
Crysta jumped at Pein's sudden presence. Kakuzu looked up at him."You're not saying I'm going grocery shopping." He said. Pein nodded with a sigh."Argue and I'll give you a migraine worse than mine. Hidan is annoying everyone, and it's been three months since the last stop. And you know after every few months, you have to, anyways. Konan and some of the girls are getting...supplies for the girls, and you and a few others are making stops for food." Pein explained. Crysta smirked at Kakuzu with victory, earning her a look."I don't know if she should go out, considering she's still recovering. Autumn and Megan are choosing to stay as well." Pein added."I actually want to, I've been bored lately. My foot is wrapped up and healed a little, and I'm not as sore." Crysta countered. Pein looked at Kakuzu, who sighed, knowing Crysta would end up going anyways."It's not my fault if you get hurt on the way." She grinned.
"But how will we disguise her? With us, we use a transformation jutsu to change our appearance, how will the girls hide their identities?" Kakuzu asked."They can't perform transformation jutsus themselves. Though, I'm sure others can use the transformation jutsu for them. Tobi tried it on Megan and changed her appearance a bit." Pein said. Kakuzu sighed, "Come here, Crysta.." She listened, getting up and walking over to him. Kakuzu performed a few hand signs, finishing and opening his palms toward Crysta.
And it worked.
After some smoke cleared, Crysta looked like a completely different person. Her already dark brown hair was now even darker, if possible, and went down to her waist. Her eyes changed from her dark brown to dark green. And her skin tone even was changed, looking like Kakuzu's tan. All her wounds, however, were still there.
"I look damn sexy." Crysta said, studying herself. The two facepalmed and/or sighed."It's only an illusion, that's why it works on them. It also causes some chakra to radiate around them, making it seem like they have chakra, so they won't be noticed for not having any. And since they can't control it, we don't have to risk it wearing off in the middle of a public area. It'll only wear off if yours does." Pein said. Kakuzu nodded."I also suggest leaving within an hour or so. I wouldn't wait too long, if it gets too late into the day, there would be more people around." And with that, Pein left.
"And Kakuzu?" He looked over at Crysta."Did you make my boobs bigger? They seem larger than usual to me.." Under his mask, a blush crept across his face."No. I didn't. That's your own perverted illusion." He said with a serious tone. She stared at him. Then started to laugh."I know you didn't, Kuzu, I was trying to mess with you." He sighed, facepalming.
Meanwhile..
Konan had already changed her appearance; she now had black hair that fell right above her shoulders and bright blue eyes. She was about to change Keira's and Aeryonna's appearances."Any specific appearance you girls want?" Konan asked."I want kinda dark blonde hair. That's really it." Keira said."I think it should be longer, though, since you have such short hair and anyone could recognize you. You'd just look like you only dyed it."Aeryonna said. Keira sighed, "That, too.. No longer than shoulder-length.." Konan nodded, saying, "And you, Aeryonna?"
"How about short, dark red hair? Can you do that?" Aeryonna said. Konan smirked, nodding."You want your eyes to be kept hazel?" She asked. Aeryonna nodded."With short, dark red hair, I don't think many people will recognize me." Smiling, Konan performed the hand signs, changing their appearances. Keira's boy-length, brown hair was now shoulder length dark blonde, her brown eyes kept the same. Aeryonna's long, black hair was now dark red and stopped around her shoulder blades.
"Keira, un?"
Keira looked up at the doorway at Deidara. She smirked, standing."Do I look sexy, Dei?" She asked, striking a pose. He chuckled."Deffinately, yeah. But you already look attractive, you don't need your appearance changed for me to know that." He said. Aeryonna observed herself in the mirror Konan had as the couple flirted with each other."I actually like the look of dark red hair.. Or maybe I just like it being short, I don't know." She said to herself. Konan smiled."Maybe we could get your hair cut when we come back, surprise Itachi." She suggested. Aeryonna grinned."Yes. That would be awesome. I've been meaning to cut my hair anyways." Konan nodded, looking at Deidara and Keira."Deidara, change your appearance already, we're about to leave." She ordered. Keira gave a confused look."We're getting pads, why is Dei coming?" She asked.
When Deidara changed into a girl, Aeryonna burst out laughing, and Keira stared in shock.
"I...use women's shampoo for my hair, so I use transformation jutsu to turn myself into a girl so I don't get teased, yeah.." Deidara admitted, his voice sounding really feminine. Keira put a hand over her face."Deidara, I'm so proud of you.." She said, her emotion unreadable.
Obviously, it wasn't real pride. Most likely disappointment.
Aeryonna wiped a tear from her eye that came from laughing too hard."Oh man, this is too good.." She said. Konan put a hand over her mouth to keep herself from giggling as well."Alright, let's go."
Meanwhile.. Again..
"Hidan, you are not coming to get food with us.. You always sneak things in the cart when we're not looking like some little brat.."
"Shut the fuck up, Kakuzu! I'm fucking going! I'm bored as shit today!"
"Maybe you should give your supposed-to-be-wife a back rub.."
"Crazy bitch, I swear to fuck, stay out of this."
"Make me, fucker."
"Oh, I'll fucking make you alright.."
"All of you shut the FUCK up!"
They all looked up to see Dawn. She came over and sat on the kitchen table the other three sat at, arms crossed."Kakuzu, Hidan and I are going. I'll fucking babysit him, since I obviously have to. Besides, I want to go out, I'm sick of sitting around." Dawn explained. Kakuzu pinched the bridge of his nose."This isn't a damn field trip, you're not-"
"I dare you to finish that sentece. I will take my scythe while you're sleeping, and cut open every little set of stitching on you body. I am going out with you and Crysta, and Hidan is coming so I don't come home to his whining and bitching. So I'm fucking. Going."
Kakuzu was unphased, but Hidan and Crysta stared at her. The miser growled in annoyance."Fine." Crysta laughed, "Oh shit!" He narrowed his eyes at her, making her smile innocently at him.
Crysta, Dawn, Hidan and Kakuzu stood at the gates, appearances all disguised.
Dawn had black hair that was right abover her shoulders and bright green eyes. Hidan's hair was simply turned more blonde, and not slicked back, and his eyes darkened. Kakuzu's stitchings were gone, his hair was a lot shorter and his eyes looked normal.
"I swear, if you give yourself away, I'm going to hit you.." Kakuzu muttered as they walked into Konoha. He pulled out three papers, handing one to Dawn and Crysta."Crysta, I'm trusting you on your own with that list. Hidan, keep your skinny ass with Dawn. Immediately come to find me if there's a problem. And-"
"Kakuzu, we get it, we're not little kids." Crysta interupted. He sighed."Fine. Just go then. We have two hours."
When Hidan and Crysta high-fived, then went off in opposite directions, Kakuzu had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomache.
"Excuse me, m'lady."
Crysta slowly turned. There stood Kiba, smirking at her."Did you get those scars after falling from heaven?" Crysta did the best she could not to laugh at his attempt at flirting."No, I got them after I kicked some guy's ass after he tried hitting on me." Crysta said. She had to try even harder not to laugh at how uncomfortable Kiba looked."Well, uh..." He stuttered, not knowing what to say next. He jumped when Akamaru barked and approached Crysta. She got nervous when he started to smell her, and snarled."Akamaru, down, it's okay.. We were just leaving this kind lady alone.." He insisted, pulling Akamaru and dashing off. When she was sure they were out of sight, Crysta started cracking up. She wiped a tear from her eye, her laughing stopping when her wounds actually started to hurt from it."If we weren't undercover, I'd be pulling a "Things to do at Walmart" list." She muttered to herself.
OoOoO
Hidan groaned in boredom."I'm fucking bored.." He said, tossing something into the shopping cart. She narrowed her eyes at him."Hidan, I swear to Jashin..." Dawn growled. Hidan sighed again."Dawn, I just came so I wouldn't be sitting at the damn base with a bunch of those boring fuckers.." A woman covered the ears of her child as they walked by. He glared at her, muttering, "Stupid bitch.."
"That's gonna be you one day." Dawn said, grabbing a package of assorted lunch meats. Hidan gave her a look."Bitch, I swear all the damn time. What makes you think I'll stop for our own kid?" He asked."Well, you'll be okay with you and I swearing around our kid, and the others at the base. But as soon as you get into public and hear someone swear, you'll be like "Watch what you're fucking saying, my fucking kid is right here!" and embarass yourself." Hidan narrowed his eyes at her."Not true."
"Will be so true, Hidan." They glared at each other, though both smirking. Dawn broke the stare, pushing Hidan back."Go do your shopping." She said. He stuck his tongue out at her back, still smirking to himself.
OoOoO
Kakuzu is having too much of a normal time grocery shopping to be included in this story at the moment. Nothing funny or too interesting going on here.
OoOoO
Crysta went over the list with a sigh. Since she had a small portion of items to get, she finished quickly. I have everything... And I'm bored... She decided to look for Hidan. Something always interesting happens with Hidan around. With the cart dragging behind her, she wandered through the store in search of her albino buddy. But her journey was cut short when someone accidentally bumped into her, hitting a wound on her leg. She bit her lip, doing her best not to scream in pain. A groan managed to slip out as she keeled over, gripping her leg."I-I am so sorry, I d-didn't see you there!" She glared up at the person, seeing Hinata. Her glare quickly faded, standing up straight."Oh, it's fine.." Crysta said. She got a little nervous, hoping Hinata wouldn't recognize her voice from the last time she was in Konoha."Oh, why are you hurt so much? A-Are you alright?" Hinata asked. Crysta nodded."Yeah, I'll be fine. Just healin' up from...a little fight, is all." She lied."W-Well...if you'd like, I know someone who's a r-really good healer.." Hinata said. Crysta went to decline, but a little voice in the back of her head kicked in.
Free healing. You get to be fixed up and don't have to wait for natural causes to heal you.
"Uh... Sure! I just..have to find my brother and leave my cart from him." Crysta said. Hinata nodded, smiling slightly."By the way, m-my name is Hinata." She said."I'm C-...Kimiko." Crysta mentally slapped herself. Though, they continued to walk, Crysta having to ignore the continuous throbbing in her leg. She sighed with relief when she finally saw Hidan."Wait here while I talk to my brother." She told Hinata. She rushed over to him, shoving the cart to him. Before he could even say anything, Crysta rushed, "I don't have time to explain. Take my cart, I'm going somewhere, don't tell Kakuzu. Okay? Okay. Thanks."
Hidan stared, dumbfounded as Crysta left with some purple-haired girl he didn't recognize.
"...What the living fuck just happened?"
OoOoO
Kakuzu sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Not even half an hour in a store, and Crysta was already limping from some pain, and leaving with some girl. He saw Dawn, beckoning her over."I need to see where the hell Crysta is going. Can you take care of paying?" He said, giving her the cart."Okay.. And how will I be paying exactly?" Dawn said. He handed her some money."I did the math, and that is the exact amount of money needed to pay for everything, as long as nothing extra was slipped in." Dawn nodded with a sigh."Just get Crysta so we can leave."
Kakuzu walked out of the store and into the street. He concentrated, trying to locate the chakra field that cloaked around Crysta from the transformation jutsu. He sighed when he felt her, and two others he didn't recognize, at a hospital. He made his way, shoving through the crowds of people around. When he got there, he didn't stop when a girl at the front tried to stop him from going into the back rooms.
"Ah! That stings!"
Kakuzu hurried, slamming the door of the room he heard that from. Hinata yelped, staring at the man in the doorway. Crysta swallowed nervously as Sakura looked up from healing her. The pinkette glared, stepping over to him."Who do you think you are, barging in like that?" She demanded. Kakuzu cleared his throat, making Crysta stand."Oh, that's just my fiancé...Kazuki." She said. Kakuzu nodded."Yes, I was just worried." He said. Crysta mouthed "Kimiko" to him."Kimiko and I were at the store with her brother and his wife doing some shopping, and I got worried when I couldn't find her." Kakuzu lied. Sakura calmed."Oh, alright. Sorry that I snapped at you then. My name is Sakura, and I was just healing Kimiko a little. Hinata here accidentally bumped into her, and she brought her here to heal her up." She explained. Kakuzu nodded."Well, Kimiko and I need to get going. Her brother tends to get a little impatient. A friend of ours is a healer and can finish healing her." Crysta sighed, walking over to Kakuzu."Well, alright then. It was nice meeting you, Kimiko, Kazuki." Sakura said. Hinata nodded in agreement.
Crysta smiled at Kakuzu innocently. He glanced at the two Konoha girls, then back at Crysta. He sighed, catching her off guard by lifting her bridal style. Sakura and Hinata aw'ed as he carried her off.
"This doesn't mean you're off the hook. You could've given yourself away." Kakuzu whispered to her. She sighed."Don't be such a party pooper. I was just getting healed a little. You should be glad I'm gonna be okay." She whispered back. He set her down when they returned to the store, quickly whispering, "I am glad, I just don't need us getting caught when we're only getting groceries."
"Whatever you say, my sweet, sweet Kazuki." She teased. He smirked at her."Don't think I'll forget about this, Kimiko." He teased back. As soon as they walked in, they were greeted with an annoyed Hidan, and an even more annoyed Dawn, both holding shitloads of bags. Crysta and Kakuzu had bags shoved into their arms."Let's go. We're done here." Dawn said, her and Hidan walking out. Crysta and Kakuzu followed, quickly making their way out of Konoha.
"...You know what've been a good idea?"
"What now, Crysta?"
"We should've brought Tobi. He could've used Space-Time Ninjutsu and just transport us home quicker." There were groans."Are you fucking serious!"
"Hidan, I will kill you if you complain all the way back."
"Keira, Konan, Deidara and Aeryonna must be having a better time..."
Meanwhile..
Deidara was not having fun. So far, three guys have hit on him. And it was really getting on his nerves."Finally, yeah..." He muttered to himself as he finally found the shampoos and conditioners. He browsed through them, trying to find the brand he always used. As soon as he put his hand on the shampoo, his hand was covered with a man's hand."Hello there, beautiful. How's about you come home with me? I can help you wash that pretty hair of yours." He said, sliding his hand up Deidara's arm. He shuddered in disgust, pulling away."No thank you. I'm not single, hm." He snapped. He mentally sighed, hating how he didn't sound threatening at all with this female voice."Come on, Baby. I'm sure I can do a better job than your current boyfriend."
"She doesn't have a boyfriend."
The man looked over, seeing a girl with short blonde hair. Keira."What, you're a lesbian?" He asked, stepping away. Keira glared, walking over and jabbing her elbow into the guy's chest, making him stumble and fall back, his head slamming into the shelves of shampoo. He groaned as he hit the floor. Deidara blinked."I could've taken care of him." He said. Keira gave Deidara a look."Yeah, you'd be in some guy's basement, getting a dick up your ass." She deadpanned. Deidara sighed, taking two bottles of both shampoo and conditioner before walking off with Keira."Did you, Aeryonna and Konan get everything, hm?" Deidara asked. Keira nodded."It isn't exactly hard getting pads and/or tampons, Dei." She said. He shrugged."It is if you're a guy, hm." He said."True."
They all met up at the check out."Everyone get what they needed?" Konan asked. Aeryonna looked through her bag."I got the tampons." She said."And I got the pads." Keira said. Konan nodded, the group checking out with ease.
"So, how was your day, Sis?" Bryanna asked as Crysta and the others got back, the transformations wearing off."Well, we had to carry all this shit home. And we realized we could've used Tobi's Space-Time Ninjutsu to just transport us back. So we felt like idiots." Crysta explained. As she set her bags down in the kitchen, she sighed and fell into a chair. She looked at Bryanna."Shouldn't you, ya' know, be resting? With your cracked ribs and all?"
"Oh, I'm just roaming around. Against Sasori's orders." Bryanna admitted with a shrug. Crysta smirked."What is with this organization? If someone gets hurt, they just roam around when they're supposed to be resting." She said."Megan and Autumn were resting like they were supposed to be." Kakuzu said as he started putting things away. Crysta sighed."I love you too, Kakuzu."
Crysta looked over at the doorway as Keira and Aeryonna walked by. She stood, going to leave."Where the fuck do you think you're going, bitch? You're helping us put this shit away!" Hidan demanded. She glared at him."For your information, I'm going to change my pad. I've been using the same one all day." When Hidan didn't say anything in responce, Crysta walked out, grinning in victory.
Moral of the chapter: Don't run out of pads in a place with nine girls around.
I FINALLY FINISHED. Time to start the party, guys. 'Cause updates will be coming, and I'm gonna be trying to make the chapters longer than usual. And I know I was supposed to post this as soon as I got out of school, which was the twelfth, but Fanfiction was glitching out and wouldn't let me log in. I'm here now, though.
A: Ah, fuck, I forgot all about these questions.. Top five Pokemon of mine? Deoxys, Banette, Absol, Shedinja and Gallade. I like a lot more, but I just picked them. 'Cause they're cool.
Q: Any plans for the summer?
Well, you don't need to worry about slow updates. I already have plans for chapter 35. Be sure to share the love and leave a review.