Disclaimer - they unfortunately don't belong to me, and this is just me having fun.

Note - Many, many thanks to my alpha-plus beta-readers, KS and Snow, for all of their help and support , and to all my wonderful reviewers.

Afternoon Tea:

Heero dropped my hand as we crossed the village square, and just like that, we walked out of my sun-splashed, pine-scented fantasy into the real world.

I knew he'd done it for my sake; because he thought I wouldn't be that comfortable with the whole public display thing, but the little rejection still stung.

We were back to reality and he didn't really want me anymore.

The café we went to had a little terrace overlooking the valley, and they obviously knew Heero there. The waiter who led us to our table fired a volley of questions at him, and the two girls behind the counter waved and smiled.

None of this was particularly special for him. It was probably what he did every weekend and I couldn't help wondering if this was where he brought all his dates.

It all just reinforced the feeling that there was so much we didn't know about each other's lives. He had friends I'd never met and he went to nightclubs and sat in cafés on Sunday afternoons.

Welcome to Heero's World.

It was four o'clock; just nicely timed to miss the lunch crowd and the dinner crowd, so we had the terrace to ourselves.

I kept my head down, pretending to study the menu and wondering if there was a bus service back to Florence, while Heero chatted with the young waitress who was fussing around, bringing us napkins and taking our drinks order.

'Have you decided what you want yet? Or are you just going to have everything?' Heero sounded just a little uncertain, as if he wanted to tease but wasn't quite sure how I'd take it.

We'd kept the conversation fairly light on the walk down; he'd wanted to know so many things about my life and I told him about my car and how we'd converted the attic into an art studio, and how once a bear had come right up to the kitchen door. It was sort of nice at the start, telling him all the little details of my life with him hanging on to every word, and then it started to seem like the sort of conversation I could have with a total stranger.

I didn't really want anything, and randomly picked a scoop of chocolate truffle ice-cream and one of raspberry sorbet, just because they were the first on the list.

'Duo? Is everything all right?'

'This all just seems a bit weird, you know.'

'Weird,' He pronounced it carefully, testing it out. 'I don't know - surreal maybe. I still can't believe you're here with me.'

'I guess.' I smiled at the girl who'd brought our drinks, took a long swallow of my lemon soda.

'Duo, have I done something wrong?'

'It's not you. It's all just …'

'Weird. I know.' He sighed. 'You're not the only who's scared of all this, Duo. Actually, terrified is probably a better word. I keep thinking I'm going to upset you somehow and I'll lose you again and I won't even know why. I don't even know if you'll even want to see me again after today.'

Our ice-creams arrived then, bright confections in glass bowls, adorned with chocolate wafers and little paper umbrellas, brought by an elderly lady who beamed at us both.

'We could probably start selling tickets at this stage,' I muttered. 'Haven't you noticed; we've had most of the staff out here at some point? Probably they've started calling their friends at this point.'

'I normally come in here by myself. I think they're glad I've got some company.'

'You come here a lot, huh?'

'Sometimes. Duo, I wish you'd tell me what's wrong. I - thought it was all going well, earlier; when we were outside.'

'It was.' I wasn't sure how to tell him that it had been wonderful; a little slice of how I'd always imagined our lives might have been. That I'd manage to write myself into a romantic fantasy for a couple of hours, but it hadn't been real.

He waited until it was pretty damn obvious I wasn't going to elaborate. 'Can I ask you something?'

I nodded, swirling raspberry-pink patterns across the side of my dish.

'Would it help if we put this on hold for a while? Just until everything else is settled? I don't want to be one more thing for you to have to worry about.'

'I don't know. Maybe.' I wasn't actually sure what that was supposed to mean, whether it was just a nicely packaged way of getting me out his life, and I think this might have shown on my face.

'Oh, Duo.' He actually moved one hand across the table toward mine, before snatching it back, not wanting to make any wrong moves. 'I'm not trying to push you away. I swear. But maybe you should take some time to think about all this. Decide what it is that you really want. Would that help?'

'Do you want me to go?' I carefully placed my spoon back in the bowl, deciding I didn't want any more. It was too cold, too sweet, too full of annoying little bits of frozen raspberry.

'No!' He punctuated it by banging his glass down on the table. 'Of course I don't,' he said, more quietly. 'I am trying so hard not to pressure you into anything, and I'm scared you think that means that I don't care. I don't want you to leave, truly.'

'I just can't see how any of this is going to work. I mean, we live on opposite sides of the world. We have totally separate lives.'

'Duo, wait.' He did reach for me then; I don't know if he ever realised what he was doing but I grabbed his hand and clung to it. 'If we really want to, we can work something out. I want you to be sure of what you want. That's all.'

'What happens when I'm able to leave? I can't just abandon my life and come to live with you.'

'Of course not. I don't think this is the time to make any serious decisions, is it? Maybe we should just spend some more time together and see how we get on.'

'And then what happens? If we still…like each other?'

'I don't know. If we want to be together, then we'll manage something.'

'I don't see how,' I muttered, 'What are you suggesting; that you'll leave your job and emigrate to a whole other continent?'

He shrugged. 'It's only a job, Duo. It's not that important. I'm sure I could find something else.'

He was making this awfully hard, wasn't he? Saying all those things I would have given anything for him to say six years ago. Of course it wouldn't work. We'd already tried and it hadn't worked then.

'I wish I could tell what you're thinking. You're not going to tell me, are you?'

Damn. I didn't want to do this; not now. Although since my shining day had already been tarnished, it didn't really matter if we ended up arguing. There was sure to be some sort of public transport out of here, and even if there wasn't, I could always find a cab with a driver who spoke enough English to understand 'Sanque Embassy'.

Wufei would be thrilled if I came home early and I could help him with his art forgery.

'This is just - really hard, OK?' I stared down at my bowl of uneaten ice-cream, which I'd somehow mashed into a muddy brown gloop. Very unappetising. 'Would you mind just giving me a couple of minutes? By myself?'

'Of course I will. Anything you want. Can I get you a drink inside?'

'Lemon and ginger tea. With honey if they have it?'

'I'm sure they will,' he hesitated for a second, standing beside my chair. 'Duo, whenever you want to leave, just tell me and I'll take you. You don't have to run off, all right?'

After he'd gone inside, I had the terrace all to myself and just sat back in my chair and did some of my breathing exercises, trying to calm down a little and wondering what Quat would tell me to do.

He'd always had this blind faith that if I could only tell Heero precisely what it was that I wanted, we could work things out.

Sure.

Oh, it had worked, once upon a time. During the War, I'd been able share everything with Heero. Things I'd never dared to admit aloud, even to myself.

It had all gone so wrong, after. He'd made a seamless adjustment from wanted terrorist to war hero and star Preventers agent, while I'd desperately tried to pretend I was coping by myself. There was no way he'd want to stay with me if he found out just how screwed up I was. He wouldn't to face the rest of his life with a dependent, clingy liability hanging 'round his neck, would he?

I'd tried so damned hard to go along with everything he wanted and it had all been for nothing. He'd left, and I'd known all along that he would.

'Tea,' Heero arrived back at the table, placing a tray down carefully. 'Do you want that ice-cream or shall I get rid of it?'

'It looks pretty gross, doesn't it? D'you remember, that time when I told Quat if I didn't eat ice-cream once a week, I'd go into cardiac arrest?'

'I miss him too.'

'Yeah.' I dribbled some honey into my tea, for something to do. 'I don't get any of this. I can't believe Quat's just vanished. I can't believe he and Tro aren't together any more; that Tro actually left him.'

'I believe he had his reasons,' Heero said tightly.

'I guess. I just never thought those two would split up, even after Trowa left, Quat seemed so desperate to get him back. He left me this one 'phone message saying he was really worried about Tro and he knew I'd help him just because I knew what it was like to - to lose someone. That I'd know exactly how he was feeling.'

Heero's mouth twisted. 'That was cruel.'

'No, it wasn't.. I mean, I know it was manipulative and everything but it just seemed that he wanted Tro back so badly that he'd do anything, even if it meant hurting me in the process. He said that he knew he could fix things if he could just talk to Tro and he was crying at the end. I just felt so freaking angry with Tro, that he was putting Quat through all this and Quat just wanted to fix whatever it was he'd done.'

Trowa was the one who'd left, the one who'd walked out on their relationship.

'Did you call him?'

'Wufei made me promise I wouldn't tell him that Tro was staying with us and I knew if Quat asked straight out that I wouldn't be able to lie.' I took another sip of tea. 'It's all my fault. I should have just called him and they could have sorted it out. Maybe none of this would have happened if Tro'd been with him.'

'That's not true. Of course it's not your fault. They've been having problems for months now.'

'Well, I didn't know that,' I muttered, taking a sip of tea, realising that I'd ordered something I didn't particularly like, but which happened to be Quatre's favourite. 'I can't believe neither of them told me anything about this.'

'Trowa assumed you knew. You and Quatre always tell each other everything.'

'Used to!' I corrected. 'We used to tell each other everything. I mean, we do still talk, or we did before this happened, but it's ages since he told me any personal stuff.'

Did that make me a terrible person, that I couldn't remember the last time I'd had a proper conversation with my best friend? It wasn't like he'd just stopped calling me out of the blue. For the first year or so after my accident, we'd talked to each other several times a day. It had just tapered off, as he got more and more involved in WEI, and then in politics, and I'd actually started to enjoy studying.

We'd gone through a stage of calling each other religiously twice a week, but then I'd had exams coming up, and he'd been increasingly busy and we'd decided that maybe it wasn't practical any more to stick to a definite schedule.

'Tro told me some stuff when he was staying with us; I guess you know about all that? That he hit Quatre?'

Heero nodded, deliberately not looking at me. 'I don't believe it was entirely Trowa's fault. Quat had gone off without telling anyone; Trowa was frantic - someone had tried to assassinate Quatre not long before - and Trowa just lost his temper. Well, you know what Quat can be like; he wouldn't say what he'd been doing; just said he could take care of himself, and that he was sick of Trowa wanting to control him all the time.'

'I can imagine. But there's still no excuse for what Trowa did.'

'No,' Heero agreed softly. 'You don't know how terrible he felt about it.. I talked to him after it happened, and he was so scared of what else he might do if he stayed. I thought it was the best thing for him just to leave for a few days and give them both some time apart.'

'You did what?' I exploded. 'You fucking told him to walk out on Quatre?'

'No! I thought they both needed a little space, even just a few days; he stayed with me for a few days and then he went to visit Cathy. When he went back, Quatre blamed Cathy and me for interfering; he was convinced he could fix things by himself, but I think it all just got worse. Trowa was convinced something was wrong; he insisted on trying to supervise everything Quat did, and that just made everything worse.'

'Tro told me he got pretty paranoid.'

'Something like that. He half killed one of their maids one morning; he hadn't realised she'd come into their bedroom and thought she was another assassin. I think Quat started drugging him after that.'

'Mmm.' Damn, but I really didn't want to think Quat capable of doing that. Not that I didn't believe Tro but the whole thing just seemed so out of character.

'Where do you think Quat went? That first time he went AWOL? I mean, if he just wanted to be alone for bit, he could still have told someone where he was going. Tro knows that sometimes he needs to get away from it all. Did he think Quat was having an affair or something?'

'I don't think so. Trowa thought that you'd be the one person Quatre would confide in, that you'd maybe have some idea what was going on.'

'Oh.' I tried gazing down into my glass, looking for answers. 'Quat thinks it's my fault; all of this. That I'd been trying to hit on Tro for ages.'

That was yet another thing that didn't make a heap of sense if I actually thought about it, though.

Trowa had always been a fairly regular visitor to the house Wufei and I had shared; he'd come to see me when I was living in Florida; we'd even been on a couple of trips together. I'd never had the impression that Quat had been particularly bothered. Certainly not that he was jealous. It had always seemed almost the opposite; that he'd wanted his partner to get away occasionally, even if Quat was tied up with work. And now this….

'He said some really horrible things about me, when he realised where Trowa was. Stuff he said you'd told him about the two of us.'

'It wasn't true,' Heero said firmly. 'Duo, I swear to you, I never told him anything like that.'

'I know,' I grinned suddenly, reaching out to take away the paper napkin he was methodically ripping into long strips. 'Stop that. It's bad enough that I fidget all the time, without you getting into the habit. And yeah, I guess I should've known, but I was feeling pretty low anyway, and it was Quat for God's sake. He's never lied to me.'

That was the thing that had been killing me. Quat had always told me the truth; had always been the one person I'd trusted never to lie.

Heero had said he'd always love me; Sister Helen had said everything would be all right, that I'd be safe at the Maxwell Church; Solo had said it wouldn't hurt.

I can't understand any of this,' I said finally. 'Nothing at all. I can't believe Tro didn't tell me everything. I mean, it must have been pretty obvious I didn't have a clue about Quat, so why the hell didn't he tell me the whole story?' He hesitated. 'What? Is there some other freaking thing that no one's bothered to tell me?'

'No. Honestly. I have no idea about Quatre's motives. But Trowa - Duo, you and Quatre have a wonderful friendship, but I don't think you have any idea quite how it excludes everyone else; that you automatically take each other's side without knowing the whole story.. Tro knew how you'd react if he told you he'd been - abusive.'

'I guess. I'd have shown him bloody abuse.' I stared fixedly out over the valley. 'Then there's the whole suicide thing. That doesn't make any sense either. You know what he's like; he doesn't do anything without a reason.'

'Well, Trowa had just left him,' Heero suggested. 'I assumed it was a way of forcing him to come back.'

'No, I thought that too, when I first heard, but it wasn't that. He approved that restraining order against Tro, remember?'

He nodded.

'This is Quatre,' I said slowly, thinking about something I'd just said. 'He took that overdose for a reason. If it wasn't to do with Trowa, it was something else…..what did he achieve from it?'

'Duo, his partner had just left him.' Heero said gently. 'You know he's emotional. Maybe he just - wanted to end things. It wouldn't be the first time.'

'But it wasn't a real suicide attempt,' I said absently, watching a bee circling my spilled spoonful of honey. 'Oh, you don't know that. I looked up his records in that clinic; he'd taken enough pills to make it look genuine but there was no way he could have died. This is Quat, right? He doesn't make mistakes like that; if he did want to die, he'd bloody get it right.'

'Duo, you won't want to hear this, but Quat's changed, from what Trowa's told me. He'd been behaving irrationally for months now.'

'Then he probably has a reason,' I snapped. 'What did he get out of it? Media attention? Hardly. He gets enough of that already, I would think, No, he got…' What, exactly? Sympathy? Attention? A few days away from WEI...? He got you to visit him,' I said slowly, thinking about it.

Heero snorted. 'He can't exactly have counted on that happening.'

'But he could! He had to know you were on L4; that trial was getting lots of press coverage and you were mentioned in most of the reports. He knew I'd hear about him on the news and that if I couldn't get any information from the clinic, I'd call the first person I could think of on L4, even if it was you….'

'That's just a - little far fetched. I imagine I'd be the last person Quatre would want to see. You..do know what happened between us, don't you?'

'Yeah.' I'd been unconscious, a few days after my accident, but the others had all been there, so I'd heard all about it, much later. Hilde still couldn't talk about it without crying. I'd just undergone my second major surgery in as many days; a couple of times, they'd thought I was gone, and then I'd started to haemorrhage.

And at some point, my emotionally overloaded, empathic best friend had tried to kill my boyfriend. Well, technically he was my ex-boyfriend at that point.

The interesting thing, really, was not that that Heero hadn't tried to resist - he'd always been able to give even Quatre lessons in guilt and remorse - but that Wufei, who'd been Heero's friend back then, not mine, had been the one to talk Quat down, and then throw Heero out of the hospital. As far as I knew, it was the last time Wufei and Heero had spoken.

'I can't imagine why Quatre would want to see me; and if he did, he could just contact me.'

'What if he couldn't, though? What if he had to tell you something in private?'

'I'm sorry, but I think you're letting your imagination run riot. Who's going to stop Quatre Winner from doing whatever he wants?'

'Whoever's been making him behave like he's still on Zero!' I took a swallow of my rapidly cooling tea, wondering how Quat could bring himself to drink this stuff. 'You think he's done all this himself, don't you?' I said slowly, realising it had to be true. 'You think he just snapped; killed three people, blew up his own offices and then what? Killed himself for real? That 's a hell of a leap, you know; just because he's been behaving a bit oddly and you disapprove of his politics doesn't mean he's actually insane.'

'What I dislike is the way Quatre's been blatantly trying to undermine the legal framework of the ESUN.'

'That's a bit of an exaggeration, isn't it? He's just trying to stop this new constitution or charter or whatever from whittling away whatever little bit of independence the colonies have left. And I can see his point.'

'The new Charter is being designed to guarantee equal human rights for all ESUN citizens. Something that's long overdue, in my opinion. And if L4 objects to having to grant equality to women and decriminalise homosexuality, then that's their problem. I would have thought Quatre would be in favour of this new legislation.'

'He is! He just objects to the fact that every decision affecting L4 is now made half a world away, mostly by people who've never even left Earth in their lives. How are they supposed to know what the Colonies are like? ' I shrugged.

'I know you believe in all this legal stuff, but when all's said and done, your charter's just a piece of paper. Being gay's been legal for centuries on Earth and there's still discrimination. L2's had all kinds of child protective legislation for years, and people still get away with raping kids. Laws aren't much good if no one's willing to obey them, and there's no way to enforce them.'

'Since when have you been interested in politics?' Heero sounded mildly surprised; well, I guess I hadn't been, six years ago.

'It's not politics, it's people's lives. And, yeah, sure; the universe would be great if everyone did all that stuff, but they're not going to change their way of life just because a judge in the ESUN has passed a bunch of laws. All Quat is saying is that the Colonies should have more input in decisions that affect them. And I happen to agree with him.'

'It's not that simple, Duo. The ESUN is still a relatively new institution; it's not perfect but it's working toward freedom and equality for all citizens. And it doesn't help when people like Quatre start talking about Colonial independence.'

'I've never heard him saying anything like that! He's not against the ESUN; he just wants the Colonies to be more involved in what happens to them. When was he talking about the Colonies getting independent?'

'Oh,' he had to think about it, looking vaguely surprised. 'It was when I visited him in that clinic on L4; the time you wanted me to check up on him. But, in fairness, he was heavily medicated; I don't think he ever knew what he was saying.'

'What people say when they're medicated isn't necessarily true.' Stuff like telling their boyfriends they hate them and never want to see them again. 'It doesn't exactly mean he's planning to start a revolution or something. What else did he say?'

'It was gibberish, mostly. You know, you asked me all this before.' He swallowed. 'It was so hard, seeing him like that. I knew he wasn't going to die, but it still reminded me of the last time. Of waiting outside the ICU and not knowing….'

'I know,' I reached over and touched his hand gently. 'I was there, too, last time, remember?'

He gave me an odd little look, as if I'd said something strange. 'Oh. Of course. The other time he tried to kill himself.'

'That was what you meant, wasn't it? What did he say to you this time?'

'I don't know; he talked about Trowa; how he was worried about him; he seemed to think Trowa was dead, and something about L3 and - seriously, Duo, I don't think he even knew where he was. He seemed to think he was back fighting the war; he was rambling about the Colonies needing their independence; something about Operation Meteor and how it had failed. It didn't make any real sense.'

'I suppose not,' I said slowly, looking up and realising we weren't alone any more, as a crowd of teenagers spilled onto our nice, private little terrace.

'Time to leave,' Heero decided. 'Would you like me to bring you back to the embassy? Or if you feel like putting up with me for a few more hours, I could show you around the village and then we could have dinner.'

'That would be nice,' I said, realising it was true. An hour or so ago, I'd just wanted to get away but I'd actually enjoyed just talking to him, feeling he was actually listening to my opinion.

Another one of those things we'd apparently forgotten how to do, during the last few months we'd been together. Not that we'd actually stopped talking, of course; but I'd ended up deferring to him more often than not, just to avoid yet another row. He'd always seemed so sure of himself, anyway, and sometimes it had been simpler to take the line of least resistance.

'Could I just borrow your 'phone for a sec? I need to let Wufei know I'll probably be a bit late.'

'Of course. I'll just go and pay; come in when you're ready.'

'Fei picked up on the first ring; he'd probably been waiting for me to call ever since I'd left.

'Duo! Is everything all right?'

'It's OK. A bit tense sometimes. I just wanted to let you know that I'll probably be a bit late getting back, though.'

'You …. are planning on coming home?'

'Yes! I promise. It's not like that; we had a big lunch and then we got ice-cream so there's no point going to dinner early.'

'And you're all right?'

'It's fine. We've been talking about Quatre mostly.'

'Oh. Did you talk to Trowa? He rang here about thirty minutes ago; he wasn't sure if you'd be home.. I told him he could call Heero if it was important.'

'He hasn't called. Not yet anyway. Probably thinks it would be too weird. Anyway, I'll see you later, OK? And don't worry. I'm fine.'

Hmmm. Trowa had known that I was going to be out with Heero. It was hardly likely he'd just have called for a chat. If he had tried calling Heero half an hour ago, Heero would probably have been inside the café, and I'd never have known.

I could see Heero through the open door, talking to the cashier, and quickly dialled his house number. No answer. Hmmm again. I let it ring out, and then called Tro's cell. Eureka!

'Hey, it's Duo. Wu said you were trying to call me; where are you?'

'In Heero's kitchen.'

'Is Honey there?'

'Of course she is. I'm just making her dinner.'

'I don't believe you, Barton!,' I hissed, one eye on the door. Didn't want Heero to come out and hear any of this. 'I just called Heero's house and no one picked up and Honey always goes nuts when she hears the 'phone. Where the hell are you?'

'Duo - listen, I'm sorry. I just -'

'If you're on a shuttle, I'll fucking kill you! I told you I was going with you.'

'I know! I'm sorry. I had a message from Quat, OK? Less than an hour ago. And I've just found a shuttle that's leaving tonight for L4.'

'Fine. I'm coming with you.'

'Duo, you can't! What about Heero? There's no way he'll let you go off to L4!'

'I'll take care of Heero,' I snarled. 'Listen, you'd better bloody wait for me or I'll send a force of Preventers after you. Got that? Where's this shuttle flying from?'

I had less than an hour to get there. Options, Maxwell. Think. OK, it took about two seconds to consider and reject the idea of actually telling Heero about this; he'd probably have me locked up if he had the vaguest idea of what I was planning. He'd probably known all along that Trowa was planning to go to L4 and this whole day had been planned as a way to keep me occupied. Still determined to control my life. Well, it wasn't going to work this time. I was going to look for Quat, and there was no way that he was going to stop me.

I had a sudden crazy notion of sneaking out the back, stealing a car…Heero in dead pursuit and probably the police as well.. No, that wouldn't work; there was only one road back down the mountain, not a lot of escape routes.

OK, plan C. That would mean taking Heero's car, which meant taking Heero as well, which he wouldn't be overly keen on. Well, tough. That was just too bad for him. Bastard.

I didn't actually want to have to shoot him - well, to be honest, I was tempted, but then I'd have an inconvenient body to dispose of - but I did have a knacky little pen-shaped object in one pocket.. One of the goodies Theo Fichtner had acquired for me days ago, it was actually a cunningly disguised stun gun.

I managed to paste on a smile as I walked back inside, thinking furiously. I was going to L4 and that was that; it was none of Heero's business what I did any more.

'Ready to go?' He smiled back at me, and something inside me gave the weirdest little flicker.

'I thought we might drive up into the hills and watch the sunset, and then find somewhere for dinner. If you'd like that?'

'That would be perfect.' I let him open the car door for me and slid inside. 'You're good at this romantic stuff, aren't you?'

'Am I?' he hesitated, pulling his seatbelt across. 'I'm trying. It's still a little hard to believe, Duo, that you're actually here with me. I used to think about bringing you here; how much I'd love to be here with you. I never imagined it would happen, though.'

'I'm really here, 'Ro,' I leaned over towards him. 'Let me show you?'

My mouth slid over his, in the merest whisper of a kiss.

It was like kissing a memory; desire and dreams and wishing all wrapped up in that sweet sense of familiarity. I knew his arms would wind around my neck, pulling me against him, and that one hand would slide into my hair. I knew he'd let me take control at the start; let me spin slow, sure caresses about his tongue and I knew precisely how his breath would catch in his throat when I pressed deliberately against him.

I didn't think it would matter exactly where I zapped him, but I slipped my right hand under his shirt, and felt him shiver as I brushed against warm skin; felt him tense briefly as I dipped one finger just a little lower, shifted against him ever so slightly and pressed my little stunner carefully against his side.