It's time.
It's the day of Selina Kyle and Bruce Wayne's winter wonderland wedding, and nothing has gone wrong yet. At least, nothing out of the ordinary for the family. Anxiety, sleep deprivation and the like run rampant in the household as everyone prepares for the ceremony.
They take comfort in the one thing short of vigilantism that they can relieve stress with- gossip. All it takes is a few loose lips, and suddenly the Waynes know all of each other's dirty little secrets. And the wedding hasn't even officially begun.
"I'm not coming out," Selina repeated from behind the bathroom door.
"I'm sure you look beautiful," Barbara tried to assure her, she was leaning on the door.
"Selina," Harley took the pins out of her mouth, "please come out." She returned her focus to the shoulder of Stephanie's bridesmaid dress. Harley had become decently proficient in quick sewing fixes with how many rips Dick's Nightwing uniform came back with.
She smiled at the memory of the one she'd accidentally put in it last night.
"Selina!" Steph cried. "If I could move without Harley stabbing me, I would kick down that door."
"No!" She shouted. "I would be crying if it wouldn't screw my makeup up!" Selina wailed. Cassandra rolled her eyes and knelt next to the door, pulling a lock picking kit out of her clutch. Selina had only required their dresses and shoes to match. Each woman was allowed to pick her own jewelry and hairstyle; and Cass had straightened her silky dark hair. She never wore makeup, and she looked beautiful on every other day, but the touches of eyeshadow and mascara enhanced her natural beauty. She wore no necklace or jewelry of any kind, and she didn't even ruin her modest manicure as the lock popped and Barbara yanked the door open.
Barbara brushed her styled curls out of her face. "You look beautiful," she gaped at Selina who fidgeted with the skirt of her dress. "Seriously, that is perfect."
"Let me see!" Harley let Steph turn around and leaned around her to look as well. "Oh my God, you look amazing!"
"Stop it, you're making me feel fat," Harley joked, but Selina didn't smile.
Barbara crossed her arms. "Now tell me what you're freaking out about." While her make up softened her face, it did nothing to diminish her glare. A tarnished locket hung from her neck on her collarbone, worn from years of polishing.
"Possibly she's realized that she's tying herself to a man," Ivy offered from where she was sitting on Selina's bed. Harley allowed Steph to throw her shoe at her. Ivy swatted it aside before adjusting the waves of her hair.
"Don't be a butt," Steph muttered before everyone returned their attention to Selina.
"What if he doesn't like it?" Selina wailed, fidgeting with the blue diamond bracelet on her wrist. "I want this to be perfect, and he deserves the best, and what if he hates my dress, and-"
"Whoa, slow down," Steph told her. Harley patted her shoulder and nudged her away to let her know she'd finished fixing her lace.
"You're being ridiculous," Barbara scolded her. "You look fantastic, and Bruce is going to be the happiest guy in the world."
"You really think so?" Selina asked, looking down. She looked incredible in the satin mermaid cut backless dress, with long sleeves hugging her slender arms and a plunging v-neck that dropped down to her stomach. It complemented her sweet and sexy personality, with sparkling beading on the cuffs of her wrists and over her shoulders. A beaded belt accentuated her natural waist. A pearl necklace rested on her collarbone, and she wore matching pearl earrings; the beaded clip in her hair held her white birdcage veil over her eyes. Her hands played nervously with her engagement ring on her finger.
"I mean, he'll be as happy as Batman can be, but hey," Stephanie shrugged, smiling.
"We might even see him smile," Harley added.
"Trust me, he'll love it," Barbara assured her.
"Unless it's difficult to take off," Steph giggled. Cass snorted, covering her mouth.
"If he's anything like Dick, he'll just rip it." Harley rolled her eyes. Ivy sat forward on the bed.
"Is that what that dress was doing in the living room?"
"Can't beat me and Tim," Stephanie said coolly, pretending to brush some dust off of her shoulder. "Last night, I think he only blushed six times," she nodded, before bursting into laughter. Barbara rolled her eyes, grinning.
"Come on, guys," she laughed. "It's Selina's day." She turned her attention back to Selina and pulled her fingernails out of her mouth, taking her hands. "Don't be so nervous! You'll be fine. Just breathe, go through the motions, and tonight, you get to leave for your honeymoon!" Barbara assured, her, smiling.
"Yeah!" Steph cried. "Leave us alone!" She smiled.
"I would smack you upside the head if it wouldn't ruin your hair," Harley told her. She sat down beside Ivy, smoothing her dress over her stomach as Haly kicked.
"Bruce, you've got to loosen up," Jason grinned. "Dick, don't be a stiff. I've got four, now let's toast Batman's last hour as a single man."
"You're an idiot, Jay," Dick smiled and shook his head. Damian straightened his tie in the mirror, watching them.
"I'm only asking you for one," he begged.
"Oh. We're only taking one?" Tim asked, laughing. Dick smacked the back of his head, and Bruce shook his head.
"Fine. One, Jason," he agreed, picking up a shot glass. The four men raised them and Jason nodded, grinning broadly.
"To the real Batman. He will be missed," he beamed. Dick rolled his eyes as they all drank. He winced at the taste and then put it down.
"Gee, you boys are under age, aren't you?" Clark asked, looking at Jason and Tim. Jason clapped him on the shoulder, smiling as he leaned closer to him.
"Don't give me shit, boy scout," he said after a pause and then laughed. Dick rolled his eyes.
"You're lucky you missed the end of the bachelor party. No one is trusting Jason with liquor again," Tim told Clark.
"Tell that to your girlfriend you finally hooked up with," Jason countered.
"Perhaps you need reminding of the stripper you hooked up with, Todd." Damian adjusted his jacket.
"Perhaps I need to remind you of what happened when you got a lap dance," Jason snapped.
"You have the rings right?" Bruce asked Clark, cutting through the noise. He nodded reassuringly, patting his breast pocket.
"Don't worry," he assured him. Bruce nodded, smoothing his hair back.
"Chill old man," Jason told him. "She said yes when you asked her, she's not going to change her mind now." He lounged across a chair.
"Well you don't know Selina that well then," Bruce sighed.
"I could go sneak over and find out," Jason offered.
"Sure you're not going to see someone?" Tim asked.
"Yeah, your girlfriend," Jason retorted.
"Come on, Jason, you're just mad because literally everyone in this room got lucky last night except for you. Bruce doesn't count because he's getting married." Dick crossed his arms, smirking.
"Damian!" Jason cried. "I thought you were going to wait until you were twelve!" He sighed. "Oh well, looks like he beat Dick's record of when he lost his virginity to Barbara."
"I didn't!" Damian whirled around, glaring at Jason. "We did nothing but talk," he snapped, his cheeks burning. Dick rolled his eyes.
"Jason, I wasn't that young," he said, shaking his head. "Nice diversion, by the way."
"I'm sorry if I don't really want to hear about you guys getting some with the people I have to look at every day. No thanks." He sat up a little. "Although I'm sure swan queen is hilarious."
"Hey," Tim crossed his arms in irritation. "I do… just fine," he stuttered. Dick snorted and laughed, and even Damian laughed at him. "It's none of your business!" he snapped. Dick glanced at him, and then looked down.
"Sorry, Tim. We didn't need to make fun of someone less experienced," he laughed, high-fiving Jason.
"I'm sorry if I don't want as much experience as you." Tim glared. "Doesn't pregnancy kinda ruin it? Doesn't her her belly get in the way?"
"Not really," Dick shrugged, leaning against the wall. "If anything, it brings us closer together."
"I might vomit," Damian muttered, pulling Clark down to his small height to help him pin his boutonniere on.
"How is that a turn on?" Jason demanded. "Aren't you just picturing her pre-" he mimed her stomach. Dick laughed, shrugging again.
"I don't know how, Jay," he blushed a little. "It's… not just a physical attraction," he rubbed the back of his neck, smiling. "I mean, sure, it was a little easier when she wasn't pregnant, but I'd be in deep shit if she caught me thinking about someone else- about her! Before that! not-" he tried to cover, but it was too late.
"Steph, no," Barbara, pushed her away. Harley giggled at them from where she was spread across Selina's bed next to Ivy.
"Let it drop, Steph," Harley called.
"Oh come on," she whined. "Barbara's relationship is like the only one we're kept in the dark about… besides Jason and Ivy's."
"As if they'll ever talk about that," Cassandra said, leaning on the back of a chair, with her skirt pulled up to her hips. Barbara gave her a scolding look, but Cass just stuck her tongue out, running her fingers through her silky black hair.
"Thus…" Steph leaned close to Barbara again, "me pressuring Barbara. How's Sam?"
"We're fine," she said shortly. "I'll be back in time to miss this conversation, but for now I'm going to go make sure that guests are all arriving fine, and that everything is in place," Barbara nodded, flicking her hair over her shoulder before leaving the room.
Steph groaned. "Ivy are you feeling like sharing?"
"No." Ivy glared at her.
"Fine. Anything from the bride to be?" Steph glanced at Selina. She smiled easily, straightening her veil on her head.
"What do you mean by 'anything'?" she asked. Alfred the cat slunk into the room, and she scratched his head.
"I don't know." Steph flopped across Harley's legs. "Anything interesting in your relationship?"
"Besides the wedding?" She laughed lightly. "Well, I have my secrets. But I think one thing at a time," she giggled, stroking the cat's back. "I'm nervous," she smiled a little, as Barbara came back into the room.
"Don't be," she assured her. "Everything is going smoothly." Lilly giggled as she ran in behind her and jumped onto the bed. She jumped onto Steph.
"Oh look, the flower girl." Harley smiled. Lilly giggled as she played with Steph's dress. Barbara smiled at them all.
"Did I miss all of that gossip?" she asked, playing with the locket on her necklace.
"Unless you wanna share," Harley told her. Lilly fell into her lap and started playing with her hair.
"Sam and I are fine. What about you and Dick, hmm? Let's put you on the spot," she crossed her arms, smiling.
"Nope. You missed out."
"No she didn't," Steph mumbled into the blankets. Harley glared at her head.
"Selina played the wedding card, so I'm playing the pregnancy. One thing at a time."
"You sound evasive." Steph sat up a little. "Everything not wonderful in paradise?" Harley smiled a little.
"Everything is pretty great."
"But?" Steph pressed. "There's always a but. For Selina it's probably something about Batman, Barb probably has to deal with the fact her boyfriend works for her dad, Ivy dated Jay- enough said, and, come on, Tim is so shy, Cass… we won't get into, so spill. There is no way pretty boy can be as perfect as he seems. Its just improbable." She leaned on her elbows, staring up at her.
"Really there's-" Steph cut Harley off with a buzzing noise. "No it's-" Steph cut her off again. "It's- Steph- Fine!" Harley cried. "Stop with the buzzing." Lilly giggled, hiding behind Harley's hair. "There's…" She stopped to think, and started blushing.
"This seems fun." Barbara sat on the edge of the bed.
"Well… we were- uh- when," Harley stuttered.
"Spit it out," Steph whined.
"He said Barbara's name while we were in bed."
Barbara went as white as Selina's dress. Stephanie clapped a hand over her mouth, her eyes wide. "Oh my God," Barbara covered her face, touching her locket. "Oh my God…" the white in her cheeks was replaced with scarlet and she looked down.
"No he didn't," Selina gasped, putting her hand over her mouth. Harley hid her head in her hands as she nodded.
"I am… mostly sorry I brought this up," Steph assured her. "So sorry."
"I could give him a slow, painful death," Ivy offered, and Cass shrugged like she agreed.
"No," Harley snapped. "You aren't hurting him."
"What about just a little?" Barbara asked. "I'd have killed him by now. I don't… do I apologize? Do I…" She looked down.
"No." Harley groaned. "We kinda worked it out. I mean," she sighed, "I called him Boy Wonder, and he just doesn't think, and…" She shook her head. Barbara looked down.
"I… I'm sorry Harley. I mean, I'm sorry for… ugh," she shook her head, looking at her. "I'm sorry that we need to get ready," she smiled ruefully. "I mean, it's almost time to go. Selina?" she shook her head, glancing at the bride-to-be. "You ready?"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Jason sat up, even Damian and Bruce looked at Dick. "Thinking about someone else? Where did that come from?"
"It's nothing! It didn't come from anywhere, guys, come on," Dick laughed in exasperation.
"Hell no, you are not getting out of this. Who were you thinking about?" Jason demanded.
"Zatana," Tim guessed.
"He did say he found Selina hot," Jason guessed.
"Barbara," Damian said simply. Jason's mouth turned into a wide O as Tim gasped.
"Okay, it wasn't that big of a deal," he laughed nervously. "Yeah. She called me 'Boy Wonder' and I accidentally said 'Babs'. We fought for a bit, and we're ok now…" he stuttered.
"You called her Babs?" Jason cried.
"Dude!" Tim looked horrified for him.
"It's not as bad as it sounds!" Dick cried, pulling at his collar and accidentally loosening his tie. "It was a couple of days ago, anyway."
"How does she put up with you?" Tim asked.
"Seriously, how are you not single right now?" Jason agreed.
"It's not as bad as it sounds," he said again, biting his lip. He suddenly smiled, touching his bottom lip. "We're fine."
"No really, how?" Jason asked. "I'm sorry, but no one just forgets you calling their ex's name out. No way."
"She kind of… Well…" Dick laughed. "She did forget about it pretty fast. She got pissed as all hell, and stormed into the bathroom, and kind of… she fell in the toilet. You'd be surprised how fast a girl can forget about you wronging her when she needs your help." He looked down.
"She…" Jason burst into laughter. "She fell in the toilet!" He was bent over the armrest he was laughing so hard. Tim was laughing into his hand, and even Bruce was smiling.
"Again," Damian spoke up, "how are you not single?"
"I left the seat up! And she always tells me not to, but… stop laughing! If she finds out I told you, I'll be dead," he snorted a little. "She was so upset. I felt bad, but it was so pathetic," he laughed.
"Oh God," Jason covered his eyes. "I'm just picturing Harley Quinn with the pigtails, stuck in a toilet."
"Dude!" Dick punched him in the arm. "Fiancée, man, knock it off!"
"What?! I'm not thinking anything dirty. She fell in a toilet! How the hell are pigtails such a terrible thing off of that? No go with the Harley Quinn costume or something?"
"She wasn't wearing her Harley Quinn costume," Dick said pointedly.
"Okay, yes, yes, I get it-" Jason cut off and glared at him. "Why the emphasis on 'wearing'?"
"Jay what did I say we were doing before she stormed into the bathroom?" Dick rubbed his temples. Jason paused for a second before bursting into laughter. He couldn't stop. Tim and Damian looked slightly horrified.
"Maybe we should focus more on the wedding?" Clark suggested. Bruce glanced down at his watch, but Jason was still in a fit of hysterics.
"Yeah," he shook his head. "I know. Bruce. You ready?" Dick took a deep breath, straightening his father's collar as he smiled. Bruce looked a little pale.
"This reminds me of the first time I was Batman. I didn't know what was going to happen. I guess it's always like that with Selina." Bruce smiled a little, steeling himself. "I never know what's going to happen, but I'm sure I'll never forget it."