Santana sat with her head in her hands, her friends arguing around her. She was barely keeping up with the discussion, her mind too full of the lack of options she was suddenly in possession of. Sebastian had been right. She had known about him since a few days after arriving in town and she had looked into every other option available to them before seeking him out, including the guy who lived in the bus depot and made art out of soiled underwear. It was hopeless.

Of course, there was one other option. She had been to Sue's compound before, she knew the vague layout, some of the security. With a bit of luck…

"Santana?"

She looked up. They were all staring at her. Apparently she had been asked something.

"What do you think?" Mike asked. "Do we go?"

"Go where?" She answered quietly. She didn't like the sound of this.

"Mexico?"

"And why the fuck would you want to do that?" Santana stood up angrily.

"Um…" Mike backed up warily.

"Okay, quick recap for those who have been elsewhere for the last ten minutes." Puck stood in between them as Rachel reached out and rubbed her arm gently. "We were just discussing the fact that we need major backup now that our plan has turned to shit. If we don't do as he asks Sebastian won't think twice about selling us out to Sue. Mike was asking if he and Tina should head back and round up the rest of the guys so we can…"

"Absolutely not."

"Santana…" Rachel started carefully.

"I said absolutely not." Santana repeated, slightly more aggressively than she intended. "It's bad enough that I dragged you guys into this bullshit. I refuse to sacrifice any more of my friends to that woman."

"Woah, let's just get one thing straight, shall we?" Tina stepped up. "You didn't drag any of us into this. We came with you of our own accord because Sue Sylvester has taken something from each of us. Maybe not as much as the two of you but…"

"Okay, let's just stop, shall we?" Santana snapped.

"Baby…" Rachel said softly, stepping closer to her.

"We are not having this discussion." Santana ignored her and faced the rest of the group, anger boiling up inside her. "All we have back in Mexico is a bunch of scared kids who have been through hell and an old man who is the only family I have left. If we bring them here the only thing that will happen is that we will get them all killed. I appreciate the fact that you guys came with me and I'm sorry for the fact that she took your nice, normal futures from you but this isn't your fight. It's mine."

"Santana…" Rachel tried again, a little harsher this time.

"No, Rachel." Santana whipped round, anger contorting her face. "That woman is responsible for turning the two people I loved most in the world into monsters and tried to do the same to me. My reward for not following her path? She put me in a position where I was living a double life for four years, ending up with me being shot, stabbed and chained to a bed by my best friend, believing that you had been burned alive, then being raped and attacked with a blowtorch by my first love who I had to choke to death with my chains."

Rachel took a step back, looking a shaken and a little hurt. Her reaction caused Santana to turn back to the group, shame and regret sweeping over her.

"So," She continued, trying to calm herself down, get her breath back under control and stop the tears that were threatening to break through. "You will forgive me when I say that I am not interested in any plan that involves bringing more people into this nightmare, and if any of you don't like that then, by all means, go to Mexico. Just don't come back."

She stormed out of the room and into the garage. Quickly she grabbed her jacket, pulled her helmet on and jumped on the bike, accelerating out of the building before anyone could come after her.

She knew she was being stupid, she knew that Rachel would be worried about her, but she couldn't deal with being there right now. She shouldn't have blurted all that out in front of the others, she should have talked to Rachel about it properly like she had asked her to. She just couldn't. She had never been good at dealing with her feelings. Okay, that was a small understatement. It had taken her three years to come to terms with her feelings for Brittany and, if not for her being outed by Finn, it would probably have taken her at least another couple of years to admit that those feelings were not just about one girl. And, of course, when she first realised that she was falling for Rachel she had nearly broken her arm and then…

Santana pulled the bike over and jumped off quickly, pulling her helmet off and gasping desperately to get some air into her lungs. She bent double and tried to ride out the wave of shame that washed over her with the memory of what she had done to Rachel.

"Goddamn it!" She yelled out into the dark, angry tears breaking down her cheeks. "Fuck!"

She threw her helmet on the ground and stormed up and down, her chest heaving with frustrated rage. She had no idea what to do. There had to be another way. There had to be.

As she began to calm down she started to take more notice of her surroundings. She had been riding for around twenty minutes, not really paying attention to where she was going, and she realised that she was out by the airport. How the hell was she out here? She realised she was cold and zipped up her jacket before bending down to pick up her helmet and getting back on the bike. She carried on down the road another few miles, following it round to the south east, and slowed slightly as the lights and tall fences of Sue's compound came into view. She was being reckless, she knew that, but she couldn't bring herself to care. She just wanted it finished.

The gates were opening. Her heart leapt into her mouth and her brain went into overdrive. Just a burst of acceleration, a quick turn to the left and she would be in. She would be so close to the woman who had destroyed her life that she would be practically breathing the same air. A black van pulled through the gates, heading in the direction she had come from. She focused her eyes on the road ahead and accelerated quickly, leaving the compound behind her. Sure, she was reckless and impulsive but she wasn't stupid. Maybe she could have got through the gates without being shot but what then? There were at least five guards on the gates, many more patrolling the perimeter and three on the main door. She had no weapons, no back up and no plan.

But she was beginning to form one.

Cara was waiting for her in the kitchen.

"Nice storm out." She smirked at her. "She's really starting to rub off on you."

"Don't push me, Harris." Santana shot back, eyes narrowing. "I'm really not in the mood."

Cara tipped back in her chair and pulled a bottle of bourbon out of the cupboard behind her along with two glasses. She poured as Santana pulled a chair up to the table and sat down wearily, the pushed one glass over to her as she lifted her own. Santana clinked it and took a large drink.

"I fucked up." She sighed. "I never should have told her like that. Never should have taken it out on you guys like that."

Cara shrugged. "We'll live. We're all big boys and girls. Her you need to make it right with, though." She took a drink and eyed Santana carefully. "You can't do that to her. Leave like that. It's not fair."

"Don't you think I know that?" She spat back. Cara raised her hands in submission and she sighed again. "I'm sorry, I just...I'm just...I can't…"

"I know." Cara said quietly.

Santana swirled her drink around her glass, losing herself in the amber liquid. She needed to get it together and quickly. She couldn't afford to be weak but she couldn't seem to get a handle on the things that were haunting her recently. All her life she had built up her walls, carefully compartmentalising all the things she couldn't or wouldn't deal with, saving them up for the moment where she would be able to. That moment had never seemed to come, though, and now she felt like she was running out of space. Sometimes it felt like all it would take was one more thing to happen and it would all spill over, she would be drown. How much easier would it be just to give in to it? There were times when she almost had and if she lost one more of her friends she knew that she would. And if she lost Rachel…

She sighed a third time and took another drink. "I need you to come somewhere with me tomorrow."

"Okay. When?"

"After dark. I may have an idea and I just need to check a couple of things out."

"No problem, boss." Cara smiled and knocked back her drink. "Now go make things right with your girl."

Santana nodded and tipped back the remainder of her bourbon, dropping her glass in the sink on the way past.

"Thanks, Cara." She wrapped an arm around her neck from behind and gave her a quick hug. "You better go too. You don't want to leave Puckerman hanging." She flashed a smug smile at the younger girl's blushing face and headed down the corridor to her room.

Their room.

She paused outside the door and tried to work out what to say. God, she was an asshole. If the roles were reversed she would be out of her mind with worry. How could she have done that? What could she say to make it right?

The door in front of her swung open and Rachel appeared, eyes red and face blotchy. Santana's heart clenched at the sight, knowing she had caused this with her selfish stupidity.

"Rach…" She started, her voice catching.

Rachel shook her head and took her hand, gently pulling her into the room and shutting the door behind her. She stepped in close and ran her hands up Santana's back, kissing her softly but urgently, tears slowly rolling down her face. Santana wiped her thumbs tenderly across her cheeks to wipe them away, guilt making her stomach clench.

"I'm so sorry." She whispered, kissing Rachel's cheeks, then eyes, before returning to her lips.

Rachel brought one of her hands up into her hair and pulled her in deeper, her tongue pushing in between her lips and lighting a fire in Santana's belly. Her free hand pushed up the back of the taller girl's tank top before lightly scraping her nails back down and plunging her hand down the back of her pants, grabbing the bare skin of her ass roughly.

"Jesus, Rachel!" Santana gasped, her senses overblown by her girlfriend's reaction. Rachel kissed a trail down her neck before latching onto her collarbone, drawing a stifled moan from her as she reached out to the door for support. As her body began to adjust to what was happening she dropped both hands to Rachel's ass and lifted her up, legs wrapping around her waist as she carried her over to the bed. She laid her down on it and leaned down to kiss her, only breaking it to raise her arms as Rachel pulled her top over her head and threw it across the room. She was flipped over onto her back and Rachel straddled her, ripping her own t shirt off and throwing it blindly behind her before dropping back down and kissing her hungrily.

Santana felt like her whole body was on fire. Rachel's hands were all over her, stroking, squeezing, scratching. She was kissing her like she had not seen her in years, or like she never would again. She felt the clasp on her bra open and then it too was lost to the room, Rachel's mouth all over her breasts, tongue circling her nipple before pulling it into her mouth. She let out a broken cry as her body arched up into Rachel's, the fire growing as she felt her grind down into her hips.

She reached down and popped the button on Rachel's pants, quickly pushing them down her legs and onto the floor. She arched up again as Rachel's teeth grazed her nipple and she could feel her girlfriend's arousal through her underwear as she ground down on her again.

"Fuck, baby," She breathed, dropping her hand between her legs and running her fingers lightly over Rachel's soaked underwear. Rachel lifted her head, her breath catching in her throat as she moved against her hand. She kissed her again, moaning deeply into Santana's mouth as she moved her hips more insistently. With her free hand Santana undid the clasp on Rachel's bra and pulled it off before rolling her on her back and kissing her way down her body. As she worked her way down she removed the girl's ruined underwear and pushed her legs open gently, the heave of her chest as her breathing grew more and more erratic causing Santana to slow down, relishing the sensations that were shooting through her own body at the sight.

Rachel writhed underneath her as she drew closer to her goal, her breath heavier and louder, her hooded eyes gazing down at her, pleading. Santana's stomach tensed and flipped, as if she was riding a rollercoaster, and she dropped her face down between her legs. The scent of Rachel's arousal made her mouth water and she breathed out a low moan. Rachel's hips bucked at the feel of it and her hands shot down into Santana's hair, her fingers curling against her scalp. Drinking in the sensations Santana licked her lips and breathed a little heavier over Rachel's clit, causing her to whimper and twitch her fingers impatiently. Unable to wait any longer she gently ran her tongue through her wet folds, flicking her tongue lightly as she reached the point where Rachel was desperate for her to be.

"Oh, fuck…" Rachel breathed out, her voice tremulous. Her fingers flexed through Santana's hair before curling back up again, gently scratching across her scalp. Santana ran her own hands gently up and down Rachel's sides, lazily drawing patterns with her fingertips which mirrored those she was drawing with her tongue. Slowly she dragged her fingertips across Rachel's stomach, just above her hip bone, an area she knew drove Rachel crazy. Sure enough Rachel's whole body tensed and her hands stilled in Santana's hair. She flattened her tongue and slowly ran it up from her entrance, stiffening it to a point to run over Rachel's clit. Rachel let out a shivery, high pitched moan and arched off the bed, right hand shooting away from Santana's head to find something above her to grab onto.

Santana kept the pressure on, circling and sucking her, getting closer and closer with every pass, Rachel's responses bringing her close to bursting. The hand still in her hair began to tighten and she felt Rachel's heel push into her lower back so she knew she was getting close. She tightened her lips on Rachel, at the same time pushing two fingers into her.

"Oh, jees…...fuck!" Rachel cried out, eyes locking with Santana's before rolling back as she pushed in again. "Oh, God…" She breathed out, hips arching up to meet her, one leg wrapped around her, hands flailing around, desperately searching for an anchor. As her cries became more and more wanton and her bucking hips more erratic, Santana felt her walls tighten and knew it was time. She curled her fingers up and flicked her tongue, sucking lightly as she did so, and Rachel came apart loudly, her whole body tensed, her back arched, her hand gripping the headboard, head tilted back to expose her long, beautiful throat. As her body started to relax a little, Santana kissed her way up to her favourite place, fingers still moving slowly and gently to help Rachel ride out her aftershocks. She wrapped her free arm under her girlfriend's neck and around her shoulders, kissing and licking her way gently along her collarbone to the hollow at the base of her throat. Rachel let out a low moan as she reached it, a slightly more pronounced tremor running through her, and she turned her face to Santana's, pressing her lips to her forehead and pulling her up into a kiss.

"Don't leave me like that again." She whispered, dark eyes intensely locked with hers.

Santana shook her head. "I won't. I promise." She kissed her again and went to pull her fingers out. Rachel grabbed her hand and shook her head, her pupils fully blown and sexy as hell. She held Santana's hand in place as she started to rock her hips again, breath hot and fast against her mouth, eyes never leaving hers, free hand running up and down her back, naked bodies pressed together, Santana so turned on she could feel it running down her thigh.

"I love you." Rachel whispered shakily, her thighs starting to tremble again. Santana pulled her into a deep kiss and curled her fingers, causing Rachel to cry out into her mouth as she came hard, nails digging into her back and dragging down.

"I love you too, baby." Santana whispered as Rachel lay panting against her. "I'm sorry."

"Ssh." Rachel kissed her and ran her hand through her hair, pushing it off her face. "It's okay, I get it. You're under so much pressure and you freaked out. You bolted."

"Yeah, but I shouldn't have." Santana sighed. "I should have talked to you, like you asked."

"And you will, and I forgive you." Rachel kissed her again, then smiled sinfully as she pushed her on her back and climbed on top of her. "Let me show you how much."

Santana smiled up at her as she began to run her hands up and down her body. Something told her this was going to be a very long night...