"Check it!" Santana cried, dropping the kit bags on the table. "Our very own arsenal. Booyah!"
Rachel stared at the bags for a second and then glanced at the two girls. Santana's face was lit up with joy, a sense of accomplishment radiating from her. Cara was wearing a strange expression, one Rachel hadn't seen before. Disappointment? Maybe a little anger? The girl shrugged and walked off, pulling out a chair and dropping down into it heavily.
"How?" Rachel asked. "Where?"
"Weyland." Santana said, lifting one shoulder, her face dropping a little.
"What?" Puck stepped forward. "I thought that guy tried to kill you?"
"He didn't try and kill me." Santana glared. "He just...you know, set his guys on me one time. It was a misunderstanding." She shrugged and shook her head, leaning on the table.
"Oh, well if it was just that one time…" Puck scoffed.
"Santana," Rachel interrupted, cutting her eyes at Puck. "How did you get these?"
"I just gave him some information he was after." Santana shrugged again. "No big deal."
"What kind of information?"
Santana looked around the room, a dark cloud dropping over her face. "What difference does it make? Look, we have the weapons we need. What difference does it make how we got them? Come on, guys, we finally have a chance!"
Rachel looked over at Puck. He flipped his gaze from Santana to Cara, eyebrows lifted questioningly.
"Hey, don't look at me." She held her hands up. "I'm just the back up."
"Are you all kidding me?" Santana snapped. "Look, we have a shot at this now. We obviously still need a way to get in but we're in a much better position than we were this time yesterday. We just need to pull together and...wait, where are Mike and Tina?"
Rachel looked quickly at Puck and Cara, both of whom were staring at her. Great. She supposed she should have just told Santana straight away but she had been so worried about her and when she had eventually come home...well, she had just been so relieved, and her emotions had just taken over. So here she was. Better just to get it over with.
"They left, Santana."
"What? Why?"
"Um, maybe because you told them to?" Puck spat.
"I didn't…" Santana started angrily, before the confusion gave way to recognition. "Oh come on, really? Come on, guys, I was...for God's sake! Now? Now is the time they choose to listen to me?"
She dropped down into the chair behind her and put her head in her hands. Rachel took a step towards her.
"We all listen to you, Santana. All the time." Puck said angrily. "But when all we're hearing is that you don't need us, that you don't trust us, that you're carrying us, how can you expect us to stay?"
"Oh yeah?" Santana shot back, looking up at him angrily. "Then what the fuck are you still doing here, Puckerman?"
"Santana, please just…"
"No, Rachel, I won't just." Santana jumped back up. "I am so sick of this bullshit! I'm not here to stroke your fucking ego, Puckerman. I'm sorry if I don't hold your hand and talk about my feelings and shit with you but I kind of have bigger things to deal with at the moment. You know like coming up with a plan to take out the psychotic mega bitch who who is intent on destroying the whole fucking world? And if Mike and Tina, or any of the rest of you don't get that then…" She raised her hands and slapped them down on her thighs.
"Are you hearing yourself?" Puck shouted back. "You can act like this all you want, throw all the shit at us you think you need to but the fact is that you need us, Lopez. You can't do this yourself and if you keep shutting us out…"
"I'm not shutting you out!" Santana yelled. "I'm bringing you in! I brought all of you in! I got this place, I found all of our contacts, I got us weapons, for God's sake! What more do you want me to do?"
"Talk to us! Tell us your plans! Let us help you!"
"Yeah, sure. Okay. How can you help me, Puck? Tell me."
"Oh, I don't know." Puck folded her arms and glared at her. "Dragging my ass down a tunnel to come get you? Pulling your girlfriend out of a fire? Shooting the mother of my child in the fucking head?"
It was as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. Rachel felt sick. She couldn't bear how much everyone she loved was hurting so much and there was nothing she could do to help them. She glanced up at Santana. She looked devastated. Rachel walked over to her and took her hand, standing next to her and stroking her arm. Gently Santana stilled her hand and removed it, taking an unsteady step towards Puck, Rachel following with her eyes. The muscles in his jaw were working overtime and he was looking anywhere but at Santana.
"Puck, I…"
"Save it, alright?" He said quietly. "You don't want to talk, we don't talk. Just...just get your shit together and stop taking it out on us."
He turned and walked out of the room. After a few seconds Cara stood up and walked over to the cupboard, retrieved the bottle of bourbon and two glasses and placed them on the table next to Santana and Rachel.
"He'll be in the training room." She said, picking up the two kit bags and walking out the other door.
Santana stayed where she was for a moment, staring at the floor, hands on her hips. Rachel just watched her, knowing she had to let her work through it in her own time. Finally she turned and walked over to the chair, sitting back down in it wearily, head falling back into her hands.
"I don't know what I'm doing, Rach." Santana sighed. "I don't know how to get through this."
Rachel stepped up behind her and ran her hands over her back. She was so tense her body was practically vibrating. Gently she touched the bullet wound on her shoulder, her heart clenching slightly as she thought about where that bullet ended up.
After a few minutes Santana took a deep breath. "I did something really stupid last night. When I left here I was so mad and so...well, I didn't even think about where I was headed. And I lost it. You know? I just jumped off the bike and...well, I just wanted it to be over. You know? So when I looked around I noticed I was by the compound."
Rachel's breath caught in her throat and her hand stopped.
"I rode right past it. I just didn't care anymore. Didn't care if she saw. I think a part of me wanted her to see. A part of me wants her to find me. I just want it to stop. I...I don't want to be scared any more."
Rachel leaned forward and wrapped her arms around her, kissing her jaw lightly before resting her chin on her shoulder.
"I fucked up, Rach." Santana said quietly, running the back of her hand over her cheeks. "I don't know what to do."
"You're doing it, baby." Rachel whispered in her ear. "You're acknowledging it."
Santana chuckled softly. "Great. I feel so much better." She squeezed Rachel's hand and stood up. She picked up the bottle and poured two glasses, holding one out to Rachel. "I have to go make things right. Wait up for me?"
"Always." Rachel smiled at her, clinking their glasses and knocking back her drink.
Santana raised her eyebrow and smiled back. "Wow, Berry. Down in one. Pretty badass."
Rachel paused outside Mike and Tina's old room. She pushed the door open and walked in slowly. It was crazy, she knew, but she missed them already. They hadn't even been gone two days but it felt longer, probably because she might never see them again. A small part of her still clung to the hope that they would come back, that they would persuade the others to help, but the realistic part of her knew that that was not going to happen.
When Santana had told them that she intended to go after Sue their reactions had varied dramatically. Obviously Cara had immediately started packing her stuff. Rachel knew very little about the two Cheerios shared past but it was obvious that Cara would literally follow Santana into hell without a second thought. Puck had just nodded and then got into a huge fight with Jake when he made to follow them. Rachel could understand his need to keep his brother out of harm's way, given the lucky escape he had had the last time. But, no Jake meant no Ryder so that put them down two. Mike always had Puck's back, and Tina would go where Mike went, so they stood with Santana to survey the rest of the group.
Blaine was still not talking and barely looked up during the entire conversation. Sam kept looking over at him then finally glanced up to Santana and shrugged apologetically. Sugar looked up at them like they were crazy, and maybe they were, so again Rachel couldn't blame her. The only reaction that she didn't expect was Mercedes. She was looking at them with an expression of such sorrow that Rachel wanted to cry. She had walked over to her and Santana and hugged them both.
"I know why you have to do this." She had said to Santana slowly shaking her head. "I just wish there was another way. I can't go with you."
Santana had nodded and hugged her back, then turned and walked away. Two hours later they had left.
Rachel sat down on Mike and Tina's bed and let out a shaky breath. She missed her friends. She was scared. They were standing on a precipice and she could feel Santana moving closer and closer to the edge, she just didn't know how much longer she could keep pulling her back. The fact that Santana had finally opened up to her a tiny amount had given her a boost but she knew it wouldn't take much for her to close back down again, and she could only hope that she and Puck would be able to talk to each other finally.
Running her hands through her hair she pulled herself together and walked back out of the room. She had to keep herself strong. She had to be there for Santana. She felt like tonight would be the night that she finally be able to talk to her about what had happened in that basement. She needed to be ready.
Rachel put her hand on the door to their room and her skin prickled. She felt hot and hyper aware. As the door shut behind her she sucked in a sharp breath and tensed, taking in the sight before her.
"Hello Rachel."