ENJOY!
Sam slowly stirred awake and felt the familiar warmth and strength of her dad's arms around her. She turned in his arms and sleeping beside her was her mother as well. Sam was in between them and it took a few moments for her to remember why they were in this position in the first place. Both her parents were completely asleep. She peeked over her dad to check the time. It was 2 pm which mean that she slept for four hours. She was surprised her parents had stayed with her that long. She carefully moved herself from their embrace and went to wash her face. She sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror. She was eternally glad that she hadn't had a nightmare and realized it was because she fell asleep feeling safe. It was the two sets of arms back in the room that assured that of course. Safe in her parent's arms.
Sam frowned at her reflection. Weak was the first thought that came to mind. She shook off her insecurities.
'I need time to think.' She thought to herself.
She was still tired, but luckily the vividness of the flashback had dulled. She of course still had the memory, but it wasn't visceral any longer. In the bathroom at the party it was like she felt the stripes of the belt. In her bed, the flashback kept replaying. But now, now it was just like a fuzzy dream.
The girl noticed the dried tears, and yes, some snot, on her shirt. She grimaced and took it off, dropping it on the floor of her parent's bathroom. Clad in only her bra and panties, the small girl shivered from the cool air of the A/C. One of her dad's shirts that was hanging on the door came into view, and so she threw it on. The girl bunched the material in the front up to her nose and inhaled her dad's cologne. Afterwards she tip toed out towards the door and closed it quietly. Her parents needed sleep.
Sam went into the kitchen and drank some coffee that her mother had left. Honestly, she should've gone back to bed because her body was still exhausted but the girl wanted to be alone with her thoughts and one more thing: her piano. It's just what she needed.
… … ….
Lucas half woke up and when he didn't feel the weight of his daughter on him his eyes popped open. He was about to call for her but noticed that Brooke was still sleeping. He hadn't realized how exhausted they both had been. And so in an effort to give Brooke as much rest as possible, considering that's what she needed per doctor's orders, orders that Brooke would probably ignore, he silently left the room in search of their daughter.
His first stop was her room but she wasn't there. He closed the door and descended down the stairs, figuring she'd be in the music room. He heard the keys of the piano and smiled sadly to himself. It was the same song she had played at the Clydesville showcase. The one that she had explained brought her happy memories during hard times. He didn't know whether playing it was a good thing or a bad thing, but if it made her feel better then that's what mattered.
He gently opened the door without making a sound. Her back was to him and he could only see her body sway as she played. He chuckled a bit at the cute sight of Sam practically swimming in his shirt. Lucas waited for the song to end before gently knocking on the door. She turned around and only gave him a small smile before turning her back once more.
Her eyes looked sad though. He could read the exhaustion and anxiousness in them. The father walked over and sat next to her on the bench.
"Is it okay if I sit here with you?"
The teen shrugged and gave him a soft spoken "Sure."
Sam didn't want to talk yet and was glad that it seemed like her dad was getting that message as he stayed silent and waited for her next move.
Sam wanted to keep playing. it erased everything for a moment. It was just her and the notes. Her dad was next to her now, but that didn't matter. Lucas would only listen and she knew that. Her dad had a way of knowing when to step in and say something in times like this and when it was time to just listen.
"This one's called Kiss the Rain." Sam told him before starting once more.
The father appreciated the gesture. It was an invitation to stay. It was a silent thank you.
"Gotcha."
He watched her play for ten more minutes. Pride bursting inside as he watched her skilled hands move across the instrument. Watching her would never get old. Then, almost abruptly, Sam stopped. Her head hung and she just stared at the keys of the piano.
"Daddy?" She spoke, her gaze never leaving the piano. There was a laser like focus in her gaze though. He wondered what was running through her head.
"Hmmm?"
Sam's lip twitched a moment and she sighed as she tried to formulate her words. "Does it, umm…does it..." She shook her head in frustration.
Lucas frowned, "Does what champ? Don't be afraid to tell me how you're feeling baby girl."
Sam rubbed her forehead. Her thoughts were going a mile a minute and needed them to shut up so she could form the right question.
"Well, does it bother you that I'm like this?...Like the way I am?"
She sniffled and wiped the bottom of her nose. Lucas couldn't take it and gently reached out and turned her daughter's face so they could look at each other.
"What do you mean?" He searched her face.
"Like how I am. Damaged, you know? Weak."
Lucas felt his eyes burn with tears at the question. He shook his head, "Sweetheart, you are the complete opposite of weak. You are so, so strong."
Sam looked down at her hands that were now secured in her lap. She couldn't help but think he was just being nice and actually didn't want to tell her the truth.
Lucas scooted closer, "Kiddo?"
Sam let out a hagged and frustrated breath as she slapped the keys. The piano bursting out an off note,
"Well it bothers me that I'm like this. And you know what? I'm glad you and mom can start over with the baby. You'll get to have a normal kid.."
"Whoah. Whoah." He stopped her and shook his head adamantly, "Buddy, mom and I aren't having a new baby to start all over. You know that, right? Mom and I want to grow our family, but that's it."
Sam still looked uneasy as she fumbled with her hands, "Yeah, I know. But you have to admit it's probably easier to know that you'll get to raise this kid, and when they're my age they won't have all these dumb problems that I came with."
"You don't have problems Samantha." How did he get her to understand that?
"The way you deal with what you went through is not wrong. They are not burdens for me and mom. We don't see you as a messed up kid. And we love you just the way you are." Lucas was desperate for his child to understand this.
Sam sighed and clenched her fists as she looked to Lucas with exasperated eyes, " Dad, I'm-I'm almost 15, but I still need to sleep in my mommy and daddy's bed after a nightmare so I could feel better!"
"Sweetheart that's not a bad thing!"
But Sam just kept going. Ignoring his comment, "I, I sleep with a stupid blanket and teddy bear and when I'm really upset or tired I still suck my thumb. I only feel safest in my parent's arms and I still feel the desire to cuddle with you guys."
Tears began to stream down her cheeks and she furiously wiped at them.
"I, I freak out and break down at such stupid things! And it's like I lose control and the only thing that can calm it down are my parent's coddling me! All of that isn't strong dad! That's weak. That's not normal. And the worst part is, I can't, I can't not do those things! I need to do them."
She ran her hands on her thighs, frustrated with herself, "I'm so stupid and weak. I'm supposed to be at an age where I don't want anything to do with you and mama but I love you guys and I love spending time with you and it's just, I'm so different from everyone else! "
Lucas silently stood up from the bench and extended his hand, "Come here sweetheart."
The girl shook her head, "No dad. I don't want you to hold me. Are you listening to what I just said?"
Her comment hurt him, but he didn't let her see that, instead he stood firm, "Samantha Davis Scott, take my hand and come here." His voice was stern.
Her head popped up at the name. She knew the adoption wasn't official nor were her parents married yet, but she loved the sound of it. It was enough to make her listen.
She reluctantly did as she was told and Lucas led them to the couch.
He sat beside her and he cupped her cheeks with his hands, "You, my darling daughter, are strong. You have been through an incredibly traumatic past, that most people would not come out nearly as whole as you have. So what if you seek your parent's comfort? That is your way of coping, and that is okay. Coming to us and accepting our help means that you're strong."
His stare didn't leave hers, and when she tried to look down he kept her gaze firm towards him,
"Realizing that you can't do it on your own sweetheart and accepting the help of others, baby, that is the definition of strength! Not a lot of people do that. I understand that you're frustrated because some kids your age seem so independent and cold to their parents but screw them baby. You are extremely well adjusted considering all that's happened to you. I promise you that. You can ask anyone and they'd agree."
He smiled softly at her and wiped her tears with his thumbs, "I wish you could see what I see in you. I wish you could see your beauty and your strength. Your passion and your empathy. All of it, it's in those deep blue eyes of yours."
He uncupped his hands and Sam gave her dad a watery smile. She wanted to fall into Lucas's arms. They always made her feel safe, but she held back. It really did bother the girl that she had broken down so much. She had been so sure she had gotten over it enough to not freak out like that. And then after having taken some time to think she realized how childish she had always acted. The girl upset at herself at the moment because of all of it.
"You really mean all of that?" She opted to ask instead.
"From the deepest part of my heart kid. You, your mother, and the baby, are the best part of my life."
Sam let herself lean her head on his shoulder, "Thank you."
"Do you believe what I just told you?"
Sam ran her dad's words through her head, "I don't know. I know you and mama believe it...and I think I will soon enough."
And that was a good enough answer for the dad.
After some time in silence, Lucas spoke up.
"Sweetie," He hesitated. He wasn't used to Sam acting so distant with them. He felt a pang of worry in his gut, "I think it'd be best if we talked about what happened."
Sam snapped her head up, "I'm fine now. I don't really wanna talk about it."
"Sammy it was a pretty rough moment, and your mom told me what the flashback was and-"
"I don't wanna think about it dad!" She lowered her voice after taking a deep breath. Her defensiveness even surprised herself. Sam felt out of character and uncomfortable, "I hate that I freaked out like that and..can we just, just talk later?"
"Sammy, you have to-"
"No dad, please!" She begged, "Don't tell me what I have to do right now." Her eyes implored with him, "Can I just hang out with Jack today? I wanna just have a fun day. Forget about stuff. Talking isn't always gonna help."
Lucas frowned. He felt so lost but maybe giving Sam the time to unwind would help clear out her thoughts. He sighed heavily. "Sam?"
The teenager had brought her knees up to her chest and was now fumbling with the jean material on her knees, "Yeah?"
"Look at me please." His voice was stern but loving and Sam noted it. She turned and saw her father's worried countenance. Guilt bubbled up in her stomach, but she herself was just as confused.
"I need to know that you're okay. Before I let you leave this house. I need to know that you are well enough emotionally and mentally. I know that you're confused and maybe a little mixed up. I understand that, but I need to know -"
"That I'm good enough to not do something crazy?" She said the words that he was trying to piece together without offending her.
He tucked some of her hair behind her ear, "Are you?"
She nodded, "I'm okay dad. I am."
He leaned in to give her a kiss on her forehead, "I love you baby. I know you're mad at yourself right now. Confused. Sad. I can see it. Mama and me are gonna give you the space you need. Okay? But we're here. We're always here for you."
Sam felt her eyes water and she wrapped her arms around her dad giving him a fierce hug. He held her just as closely. Sam let go after a few moments and kissed his cheek, "Thank you."
He shook his head, "You never have to thank me for doing my job as your dad."
… … ….
Brooke woke up an hour later and was horrified that she had slept so much. She got out of bed in search of Sam and Lucas. Eager to see how Sam was doing.
"Babe, where's Sam?" She asked Lucas who was outside shooting some hoops. He caught the ball mid dribble and turned to face Brooke, "She went out to hang out with Jack.
Brooke raised an eyebrow and put a hand on her hip, "You let her go?"
Lucas wiped the sweat off his forehead, noting the accusatory tone in Brooke's voice.
"She needed space Brooke. So yes, I let her go."
He walked towards her. Brooke scoffed heavily, "Lucas! You weren't the one that saw her breakdown. She doesn't need space. She needs us! She needs to talk it out and get her emotions out. Why would you let her go?"
"What're you doing?" Lucas asked as Brooke took her phone out of her back pocket.
"I'm calling her. She's coming back home."
Lucas lunged forward and took the phone from her, "Brooke, stop it." His voice was too stern for Brooke's taste.
"Lucas give me my phone. I'm calling our daughter."
Luke shook his head, "Brooke, listen, I talked to her afterwards. She's really confused and needs space. You need to trust me on this. She's embarrassed and feeling self-conscious right now. Let her calm down on her own."
Brooke shook her head vehemently, "We're supposed to be in this together Luke! You didn't even talk to me before you let her go. I always consult you."
Luke felt blindsided. He hadn't expected this reaction, "Brooke, what're you- you were sleeping! What did you want me to do. It was an emotional moment. She was confiding in me. I wasn't gonna say 'hold on Sam, let me wake your mom up so she could be here for this.' "
Brooke narrowed her eyes at him, "You know that's not what I mean."
"Look either way, we need to leave her alone. Okay? I told her we'd give her space."
"She doesn't need space!" She yelled.
"YES SHE DOES!" He yelled back.
They both stared at each other stunned. Lucas rubbed his temples then handed her the phone. She snatched it from him but his gentle voice brought her eyes back up to him.
"Don't make her come back Brooke. Please. Trust me on this one. I know she usually confides in you and talks to you, but this time she came to me and you need to have faith in my instinct when I tell you that giving her time to have fun and unwind is good for her right now."
Brooke stuck her phone in her pocket. She took in a deep breath, "Fine." She muttered, "I have to go."
The fashion designer started to walk away towards the house, "Where are you going?"
"The office. I left some material there that I need. Since Sam isn't here then I figure I can get some work done."
He frowned. "Babe." he called her, "Are you really mad at me because of this? I made the right decision. I know I did."
Brooke looked over at him, "I just need Sam to be here. I need to know she's okay."
She walked away and went into the house to grab her keys. Once in the car the mother put a hand to her mouth and let out a sob. She felt the weight of the whole ordeal. Logically, Lucas had a point. But all the mother wanted was to have her daughter in her sight. Just for now. To be there for her the way she wasn't there when Mike was abusing her.
Lucas came into the house and saw that Brooke had left her phone on the counter. He sighed as he swallowed his pride and grabbed the phone. Brooke needed her phone just in case Sam, Millie, or any one of her business partners called for one reason or another. He went towards the front to check if she was still in the driveway and when he saw his fiancee crying in the car, any annoyance he had felt before went out the window. He went to the other side of the car and sat in the passenger seat. Brooke tried wiping her tears quickly, but it was too late.
"Brooke."
"Lucas I need to go." She said trying to control her tears. She was fumbling at the keys but he put a hand on hers and turned her to face him, "Brooke." She finally turned to him. "Stop." There was a desperation in that 'stop.'
Brooke let go of the keys that were in the ignition and dropped her head onto the steering wheel. It was pointless to try and hide her emotions from him anyway. He could read her so easily.
Lucas's eyes softened and he bent over the console to kiss the back of Brooke's head.
"Lucas I wasn't there." Came her emotionally drained response, "Our baby, she was getting sexually, physically, and verbally abused. And I wasn't there. Two years ago she was being tortured almost every day of her life! Lucas, do you know where I was two years ago?"
He stayed quiet. Knowing it was rhetorical.
"I was in New York. I was winning awards and dating celebrities. I was eating with the most elite. My life was the definition of luxury. Meanwhile my daughter barely had any winter clothes. Was forcibly stripped and treated like a piece of meat for some man. There was nobody to love her!" Her voice broke and she stifled a sob, "She hated herself. She hated me and she hated you. What kind of mother does that make me?" Her eyes that were shimmering with tears blinked and let a stream of tears fall. Her voice clearly hoarse, "Lucas, what kind of mother?"
Lucas swallowed the lump in his throat. Both Sam and Brooke were hurting and it killed him to feel so helpless.
"Honey, none of this is your fault. You couldn't have known and foreseen the future. There was a family lined up for Sam. Everything was set. You can't blame yourself like this. It'll eat you up inside. We have to move forward."
"She'll always have those memories." Brooke said leaning back onto the seat of the car, "Always."
"And she's learning to deal with them. She'll have moments like yesterday's. But she's gotten so much better from when she first came. Right now what Sammy's going through in her head, it'll help her grow. She has to understand her own emotions and come to terms with them. I know it hurts you, because it hurts me. I know it hurts you to see her like the way she was this morning or to hear her say that she doesn't want to be home and instead needs space. It hurts, but it's her decision. She'll come to us babe. She just needs time."
Brooke turned sideways in the seat of the car, "I didn't mean to get so angry before."
He sighed, "It's okay babe."
"It was just so abrupt to see her like that. I didn't expect it. Sammy was fine. She was happy and joking with us. And then all of a sudden she became so small and vulnerable. It scared me Luke."
Lucas, knowing Brooke well enough, understood that she needed to let her emotions out. She needed to cry. She was a mother and she had to be strong for Sam. But right now she needed catharsis. And he would be the person to hold her while she did. And so he gave her a soft and empathetic stare as he brushed her cheek with his hand, "Come inside with me baby. Let me hold you."
The mother could only nod before getting out of the car, ready to fall into her lover's arms.
… … …
Jack and Sam were laying on his bed after having spent time at the skate park. He was holding onto her and her back was on his chest, while his chin rested on her head. She had finished telling him everything. Jack had put down Adelyn for a nap half an hour ago and he hoped it stayed that way so he could spend time with Sam.
"I feel so stupid." The girl muttered.
"Nah Sam. You shouldn't feel that way. You're dad's right. If you were weak you wouldn't be as alright as you are now. You're facing your fears in therapy all the time and accepting help from everyone."
"Since when do you agree with my dad?"
Jack chuckled and squeezed her tight, "Since he finally accepted that you and me are a thing. Can't risk offending the big guy."
Sam smiled, "Yeah an angry Lucas Scott sounds like a headache anyway."
"You feeling any better?" Jack asked.
"I'm such a mess." Sam said through a small laugh.
Jack nuzzled his chin on her head, "You're not a mess. You're feelings are just a little everywhere. Time always clears things up. Tomorrow's a new day and all that lame jazz."
"Guess so." She murmured.
"You'll feel better soon Sammy. And you haven't even slept that much. You should sleep some."
She held in a sigh, supposing that Jack had a point. "Will you wake me up before 8 so I can get home?"
He gave her a toothy smile, "Sure, I'll lay with you anyway."
Sam turned to face him and gave him a smirk. He smirked back before leaning in to kiss her. His shirt was already off and so Sam let her hands feel their way on his stomach. Jack gently pushed her onto the bed and kissed her some more. He was aware that her flashback involved a man touching her and so he didn't try and feel her up. He was gentle and let her lead. They only stayed kissing and Sam was the one to pull away and hug him tight.
"Jack?"
"Hmm?"
"You're the best."
"No. I'm pretty sure you are."
An hour later Sam woke up to the pitter patter of feet and the closing of a door. She was confused as to where the sound was coming from. She stifled a laugh because Jack was dead asleep next to her. What was with all the people in her life falling asleep today?
The teenager got up and went out to check the source of the sound. There was no sign of Sue, Jack's foster mom, so it wasn't her.
Sam smiled to herself when she realized that it must've been Adelyn. She lightly knocked on the little girl's door.
"Adelyn?" She whispered opening the door. The little girl turned towards Sam from the book she was reading.
"Hey." Sam said with a smile, "Whatcha reading?"
"Captain Underpants." The little girl said with a small sniffle, "It was Jack's."
"Yeah." Sam chuckled, "Jack loves those books."
Sam could see that the little girl was upset, "Did you come into Jack's room just now? I thought I heard you."
The smaller brunette nodded, "I had a nightmare and I wanted Jack, but he was sleepin."
"Oh." Sam responded, "Well...I'm here. You wanna talk to me about it?"
The girl's head shook in the negative, "No."
Sam frowned, "Why not? You know, I have nightmares too."
"I know." Adelyn said without another thought.
The teen leaned back, a little surprised, "How do you know that?"
Adelyn gave her wide eyes, realizing her admission "I wasn't s'posed to say that. J-jack said it was a secret. I didn't say it! Don't tell him! He just said it to make me feel better. Sorry!" Her voice was dangerously close to breaking down into a sob.
"Hey." Sam got closer, "Hey, calm down Addie. it's okay. It's not a big deal. Promise."
Jack had mentioned to Sam that Adelyn was getting much better at being around them and not acting so nervous all the time, but she still worked hard to please everyone and if she felt that she messed up sometimes she would get really scared. Sam didn't want her to be afraid at the moment.
Adelyn let Sam put an arm around her shoulders, "It's okay. Promise you Addie."
The little girl nodded, "You sure?"
Sam gave Addie her pinky, "Do you know pinky promises?"
"Mhm."
"Well I take them really seriously. And I pinky promise you that I'm not mad."
Adelyn outstretched her own pinky wearily at first, but Sam gave her a wide smile and so she gave in and wrapped hers around Sam's.
"Why don't you wanna tell me about your nightmare even though you already know I get them too?"
"I hate talking about them."
The similarity between the two of them was striking for the teen. Sam sighed, "Yeah. I hate talking about them too."
There was a nagging need to know what Addie had dreamt. All Sam wanted was to make her feel better. The little girl looked so sad with the little pout on her face and the constant sniffle. She started to understand her parent's need to know what her nightmares were about.
"What're your nightmares about?" Came Adelyn's innocent question bringing Sam back to their conversation. Her heart skipped a beat, "Oh...um, you know just some bad memories." Hopefully that would satisfy Addie.
"Mine too." Adelyn whispered, "About mommy's boyfriend." Her bottom lip quivered and her eyes began to shimmer with newfound tears. It almost broke Sam's heart just looking at her, "Mommy didn't care."
Without any words Sam took a page from her parents and moved to wrap Adelyn up in her arms, "Wanna sit on my lap?" Sam whispered in her ear, to which Adelyn just nodded and crawled onto Sam. Her weight was a bit heavy on the small teen, but manageable.
"I hate the nightmares too." Sam started softly, "They're the worst. All the memories. But you know, I always remind myself that I'm safe now. Like you, you're safe with Sue and Jack. You and me are different from kids with the easy and fun life, but it's okay because we're still just as awesome as any other kid, and hey maybe even a little bit more awesome than them because everything that we went through, according to my dad, mom, and Jack, makes us stronger."
"Sue says that too." Adelyn squeaked out.
Sam laughed a little, "Well I guess we should start listening to the older people in our life."
"Sue's really nice." Adelyn spoke through sniffles.
"I think she's really nice too."
"Jack says she's never been nice to a kid like she is to me."
Sam nodded through another small laugh. It was true. It seemed that Adelyn had woven herself into the woman's heart, "Jack may be right. She got lucky with you."
Adelyn shook her head, "That's not true."
Her serious voice startled Sam a bit, "Why not?"
"Because I'm a bad girl."
Sam pulled Adely from her chest for a bit, "Well who told you that huge lie?"
Adelyn's eyes were still shimmering with her tears, "Mommy sometimes. Her b-boyfriend too."
Sam felt anger radiate throughout her. The little girl in her arms looked so perfect and innocent. The teenager wondered if her parents felt the same way about her.
"Well they're liars." Sam said matter of factly, "I think you're a good girl and so does Jack and Sue."
"Why would mommy lie?"
Sam searched her brain for an adequate answer. Why would adults that were supposed to take care of you end up being the ones that batter you to the core?
The teenager wished she knew.
"I don't know exactly why. I just know that sometimes people like your mommy and her boyfriend and people like my foster parents just need someone to be mean to and they decided to choose you and me buddy."
"But w-why?" Adelyn began to cry, "W-why were they mean?"
Sam hugged her tighter, "I don't know Addie. I wish I did. They're the bad ones and they wanted us to be unhappy like them. You are beautiful and perfect the way you are Addie."
Sam felt her own throat tighten as she spoke. The universe had a funny way of talking to her. This time it was in the form of a mini Sam. A little girl named Adelyn.
Jack came in around fifteen minutes later and attacked them both playfully, and tickled Adelyn until she screamed uncle.
…. …. ….
Sam got home 30 minutes after curfew, but she texted her dad letting him know she was running late so she hoped that no third degree would come her way.
She closed the door and heard her parents in the kitchen.
"Sammy?" Lucas called. He went out and saw Sam standing by the door. Brooke followed suit and stood near Lucas.
"Hi." She hung her keys, "I'm sorry for being late."
Brooke shook her head, "It's okay. You let us know."
Sam could tell her they were waiting on her to say something next.
She wrung her hands, "I'm, um, gonna head up and shower now." She tried to make a clean break to her room but felt herself pulled by the arm when near the stairs. It was her mother.
"I love you." Brooke told her and kissed the top of her head. Sam smiled at her mother and wrapped her arms around her mother's neck, "I love you too mama. I'll be okay." She assured her before heading up.
Brooke turned to Lucas who was leaning on the frame of the wall, "Luke.
The mother had wanted to their daughter to sit down and talk to them. If not about her breakdown, at least about her day. Something, anything!
He shook his head, "Give her time Brooke."
The fashion designer laid her head on his shoulder and took a deep breath, "I hate this."
"Me too." He spoke softly, "Me too."
Meanwhile, Sam was up in her room searching frantically for something in her closet. The girl was atop her desk chair, looking among the high shelf. She threw some boxes, coats, and blankets down and around until an old converse shoe box came into view.
She moved with the box in her hand onto her bed. She sat with the box in between her legs and opened the lid. She looked in and saw all the photos that she had of her life before her parents. The girl remembered when Brooke had told her she left the pictures downstairs in the first few weeks of being with them. When she picked up the box all those months ago, she pushed all the photos into her shoebox and didn't bother looking at them. It was too painful. But things were different now. She was stronger. At least that what everyone kept telling her. And if it hurt to look at them, then it was only a part of the healing process.
She looked over the pictures slowly. There were pictures of her at the group home with Thrice and the other girls. Sam was astonished at how small she looked then. She was so tiny!
'God, no wonder they picked on me.' She thought to herself.
Thrice would also take a picture every time the girls would move into a new home. Usually the picture was in front of the girl's new house. Sam saw the picture with her two drug addicted foster parents. Her foster dad, Tom, was smiling and the mother looked distracted. They were nice when they were high. The problem was when they were off it for a while. They'd get irritated and sometimes hit Sam. Like the time she was sick and Tom paddled her bottom with the hairbrush.
In the picture Sam was around 7 years old and missing a front tooth. She was wearing her favorite black and blue striped t shirt at the time. It was a boys shirt and her foster mother had told her multiple times to stop wearing it, but she refused.
Sam moved to another picture. It was one of her and Tamara and they were at a park outing that Thrice had taken them to. Sam looked to be 5 and Tamara 7. Sam was on the swing and Tamara was pushing her happily. They were both laughing.
At that point in time she had just been removed from her foster home because the family had lost their home and were relocating. They couldn't care for the three foster kids they had any longer. That had been one of Sam's best homes. The girl felt her heart tighten and her eyes sting with tears.
Sam was so focused that she missed the door knocking.
"Peanut I just wanted to say goodnight" Sam looked up startled and dropped the picture in her hand.
"Sammy?" The look on her daughter's face worried her. She closed the door and moved to the bed. Sam stayed frozen as she watched Brooke. Her mother sat next to her and looked at the shoe box and the picture that was on her lap. The one of her and Tamara on the swings.
Brooke looked at her daughter in slight awe, but with so much love, "It's your pictures, honey."
Sam had locked them up and neither Brooke or Lucas had gone through them aside from the ones that had been on the top of the box when Thrice first dropped them off.
"Yeah." Sam said softly as she played with the folded over edge of one of the pictures.
Sam felt her mother put her hand on top of hers. "Are you okay looking at these?" Brooke asked cautiously. She wasn't sure if it was the right question to ask, but she did so anyway.
The girl shrugged, "I can't hide them from myself forever, right? They're umm, they're memories anyway."
Brooke swallowed the lump in her throat, "Can I look at them with you?" Brooke traced her finger across the picture of little Sam and Tamara.
She had been dying to see pictures of her little girl when she was younger. She could burst into tear looking into the sparking eyes of her little Sam. God, she had missed out on so much.
Sam laid a head on Brooke's shoulder and nodded. Brooke kissed her daughter's forehead, "You were a beautiful little girl."
Sam smirked, "I actually look like the size of a peanut there, mom. I think your mom senses are clouding your judgement."
Brooke chuckled. Happy that Sam looked and was acting better from before, "Nope. You still look just as beautiful, even if you are the size of a peanut in that picture."
"Who took these?" The mother asked curious of her daughter's mostly guarded past.
"Thrice. This was after my first foster parents had to let me go 'cause they couldn't take care of us anymore. All the girls went on an outing to the park. It was really fun."
"You look 4 or 5." Brooke said smiling fondly. She wanted so badly to the frame that picture.
"I was 5 I think. T. was 7."
"I wish I could've seen you like this." There was regret riddled in her voice.
Sam nodded and looked up to her mom, "Me too. I would've been happier with you." Her eyes darted, "I wish for that a lot." She admitted.
Brooke held in her tears and took a deep breath, before tucking a strand of hair behind her daughter's ear, "But we have each other now."
The girl looked away and back at the picture in her hand, "And that's what matters most."
Her mother stayed quiet for a bit, so Sam looked up and realized that Brooke was looking at the picture of her and her two drug addict foster parents. It was resting at the top of the box.
Sam cleared her throat, feeling a little uneasy and brought the picture back out, "That's Tom and Sarah," she said pointing to them. "They were umm, nice. It's just when they couldn't get the pills and stuff, sometimes they turned mean."
Brooke wanted to rip the picture up. Sam was being far too nice. She knew some of the stories from their home. She hated them. She hated all of those that had laid a hand on her daughter.
Sam could tell that her mom was feeling emotional looking at the pictures. She moved closer along with her box of photos and laid her head on her mother's lap, "It wasn't too bad with them."
It wasn't completely a lie. There had been worse.
Brooke leaned down and kissed her daughter's cheek. Sam took out other photos and talked about them with Brooke. Some were happy, others not so much. But one photo struck a particular chord.
The picture of her, Joan, and Mike.
She took it out and held it in her hands. She brought her head up from her mom's lap, then sat up and stared at it. Looking at his eyes. His eyes were always the worst.
Brooke's heart broke when she saw the picture. All three of them looked so happy, and it was true that for a time they were. What had possessed that pervert? When had he decided that he would prey on Sam? Was he thinking it during that picture? Did he develop it after a while? Did he watch her daughter as she played with a lustful eye?
Brooke closed her eyes for a moment. She grabbed the picture from Sam's hands and moved it away from both of their views.
She cupped Sam's flushed cheeks. The girl was already crying. Her tears hitting Brooke's hands. "Oh sweetie." The mother cooed as her own heart broke once again.
"M-mommy" She leaned into her mother's hands. Brooke pulled her into a hug, "Shhh." Brooke soothed rocking her, "I got you. I'm here."
Sam let her mother hold her and Brooke was beyond happy that Sam allowed her to do so. Both relished in the other's comfort. Sam listened to her mom's steady heartbeat and Brooke rubbed a soothing hand on Sam's back.
"I know I'll be okay. It's just hard sometimes." The girl admitted through some tears, "I-I can deal with all of the things that happened to me, ex-except for him. He's the hardest. I can't look at that picture without bursting into tears."
Brooke wanted to bring up their thought about a trial but put it off, deciding that comforting her daughter now was more important.
"It's a perfectly valid reaction baby. Nothing you're feeling is wrong."
Sam turned her head into her mom's chest, "I hope it hurts less soon."
"I hope so too princess." Brooke whispered, "I wish I could take your place so you wouldn't have to feel all of this."
Her words touched Sam's heart. No one had ever told her something like that. The mother took a deep and pained breath, preparing herself for what she was about to say, "Sammy?"
"Yeah?"
Another deep breath, "...I'm sorry sweetheart. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you. I should've been there since the beginning. You've been through so much and I-I wasn't"
The mother's voice cracked and her eyes burned with tears.
Sam moved from her mother's embrace for a moment, and looked deeply into her eyes,
"Mom." She wiped at Brooke's tears, "Mama, don't cry. It's not your fault."
Brooke gave her a sweet smile as she sniffled, "Sweetheart, thank you, but-"
Sam shook her head adamantly and put her hands on her mom's shoulders, "Mama it's not. I know it was hard for me to get over you leaving me for adoption, but you thought it was the best choice. It's not your fault. Sometimes things happen and I wish it was different, but I don't blame you anymore...you shouldn't blame yourself."
Brooke pulled the small 14 year old and nestled her back into her embrace, "When did it turn into you helping me?"
Sam snuggled into her, "I learn from the best."
Brooke rested her cheek on Sam's head and took in a deep breath. Inhaling the faint scent of watermelon shampoo. Her baby was in her arms now.
She rocked her for a bit, "I love you my little snuggle bug."
A few minutes later Lucas walked into Sam's room and found them with Sam's head resting on Brooke's lap while Brooke passed a hand through her hair. The TV was on and they were watching one of Brooke's favorite's on low, both to watch and scoff at: America's Next Top Model. Although, mother and daughter were quiet, watching in silence. Their minds on other things.
"I thought I lost you two." Lucas broke their silent concentration as he came in. It was getting late and Sam had school tomorrow but Lucas went to sit down anyway.
Sam didn't move but she gave her dad a shy smile. He winked at her then leaned over and kissed Brooke's soft lips.
"How was your day kiddo?" Lucas asked Sam. Brooke looked down, ready to hear her answer. The mother was glad to have her partner there. She always felt more secure when Lucas was there. It's not that she couldn't parent alone, it just felt right to have someone to back her up.
Sam shrugged, "I went to the skate park with Jack for some time, then we went back to Jack's because Adelyn was tired, so we hung out there."
"Addie's still with them?" Brooke asked.
"Mhm. I think Sue's thinking about keeping her, maybe."
Brooke stroked her cheek, "Well that's nice of her. I hope she does. Addie's such a cute little girl and deserves a good home."
Sam thought about her conversation with Adelyn and she let out a sigh. She curled her knees in, getting closer to Brooke. Her voice significantly quieted, "I, umm, I wanna apologize."
Lucas and Brooke looked at each other. Lucas pursed his lips, "For what bud?"
Sam played with the material of Brooke's pants as she spoke, "I know that I said that I was mad at myself for being so, you know...clingy and so I sorta just left and didn't want to be with you guys today and I didn't say thank you for helping me out yesterday. I just, I was...or, I am, confused about why I'm still like this and I guess I'll just talk about it with Lopez and with time and you guys and my friends, I'll get better and feel better. But I want you to know that I am thankful...for both of you. I-I do need you guys and I don't want to stop being able to come to you guys when I need it."
Lucas gently lifted Sam from Brooke, who once more had tears in her eyes,
"You do not need to apologize at all. Our arms are always here for you buddy. Now, next year, twenty years from now. We love you as high as the sky and as deep as the sea, remember?
Sam stayed quiet and leaned her back onto Lucas's chest. The arms of a man where she'd always feel at home. His back was on the bed's headboard and she was in between his legs. She stared down at the pattern of her comforter. It was time for her to face her fears and be more open about her past to her parents. Both she and her parents deserved that much.
"Can I tell you about it?"
They both tried to hide their look of relief at her opening up. "Of course." Brook told her.
Sam rester her hands on her dad's outstretched legs, "I, umm...I only had underwear on when it happened."
Lucas and Brooke stayed quiet. Each word stung them deeply as Sam spoke.
"I freaked out and I pushed him off me. It was a bad idea because he just started hitting me with his belt."
Their daughter wasn't looking at them. Her voice quivered but was still firm, as if every word gave her more and more courage
"He first pushed me to the wall though. And he said I looked like a little toddler or something like that, and, and he made fun of me because I, " Sam shook her head, a blush rising to her cheeks.
Lucas wrapped his arms around her.
"It's okay sweetheart. You can tell us." Brooke's hoarse voice spoke.
"I had wet the bed the night before. He said only babies do that and because of that I didn't have any say in what he did with me. He said he dominated me and kept pushing me hard against the wall. I was so scared that time."
Both parents held in sobs, tears, and screams. Their insides turning with disgust towards that man.
"I was just having a lot of nightmares because of him. It was his fault I kept having accidents."
Lucas remembered how embarrassed Sam had been when it happened at their home and so he wanted to assure her it wasn't a bizarre thing, "It's okay champ. That was a normal response to your abuse, okay? That happens to a lot of kids."
Sam bit her lip and took a deep breath, "That's what Lopez said..." She took a moment to compose herself. The hardest part was coming.
"Umm, a-after that he slapped me and told me to shut up but I couldn't stop crying and that's when he took off his belt, and it stung so much that when he finally pushed me to the bed I just, I let him touch me and play with himself until he was done."
Sam turned into her father's chest, "My skin felt on fire. I wanted him to leave me alone. I should've just let him at first." She finally let herself cry again and Lucas moved so Sam could be more comfortable. He closed his legs so she could sit atop them. He then quickly reached over and pulled Brooke into their embrace. The small family held each other, for strength, comfort, and warmth. They were each other's lifeline at that moment, and they wouldn't have it any other way.
The parents gave her endless kisses and words of comfort.
And after a long while of holding one another Lucas gained the nerve to ask the question that he and Brooke were dying to ask, "Sammy, mom and I, we, we both want to take Mike to trial. What do you think about that?"
Truly, Mike needed to pay. And Lucas was determined for it to happen.
Really hope you like it! Let me know what you think. I love all your words! And if you have any questions hit me up on tumblr. Link's in my profile!