Chapter Three: Pillow Forts and Poker Fights

Crash!

That is the sound of the shower hooks breaking and smashing onto the porcelain. Fuck.

"What do we do?" Ty Lee asks breathlessly, looking like a deer in the headlights.

"… hide them," Azula suggests, her back pressed against the soaking shower wall.

They are indeed screwed. There is literally no way her grandfather would ever approve of her having sex with her fiancée – not that he even knows Ty Lee is her fiancée – in the guest room shower. Azula does not even approve; she is ashamed of herself enough without having the physical evidence of broken shower hooks.

"Hide them where?" Ty Lee steps out of the shower and finds her fluffy pink robe. She wraps it around her body, ties the sash fiercely and swiftly, and then opens the cabinet below the antique sink. "It's crowded in here."

"That's for the best. We can hide it behind the clutter." Azula picks up the hooks, steps out of the shower, twists the knob off and hands Ty Lee the hooks. She locates a towel and dries herself as Ty Lee rearranges everything in the cabinet until the hooks are nowhere to be seen.

"Crisis averted," Ty Lee announces and Azula breathes a sigh of relief.

That was bad.

.

"THIS. SNOWMAN. IS. IMPOSSIBLE," Zuko roars, rending it into powder and broken ice with one powerful kick.

Bunny catches a chunk of the snow that Zuko sent flying. At least someone is having fun after this blizzard. The toddler couldn't handle the wait for Christmas Eve, and started hassling the people Azula needed on her side to win her inheritance about it. And so the CEO made it her business to keep Bunny occupied until tonight.

But Azula cannot stop glancing at Katara's flawless snowman. She even uses ice to add detail. Ice. It's just going to blow away as soon as the next storm hits; that kind of effort is pointless. All the same, Azula can feel the simmering acid of envy within her.

"I'm cold," Bunny complains before sneezing loudly and Katara sets her hand on her and starts helping her put back on her gloves.

Katara sets her hand on Azula's—sorry, Ty Lee's—daughter!

Azula leaps up and picks Bunny up in one swoop. "Let's go inside and play with your new Barbies that Uncle gave you."

She runs away from that horrid show-off who just tried to make Azula look like a bad potential mother. Azula slows down once she is inside of Bunny's room. It is the white room; everything is ivory hued, but the sheets are very slightly sticky with pink candy cane residue now that a toddler is staying in here.

Ty Lee, Zuko and Katara catch up to her.

"Why do you people feel the need to be involved in this?" Azula snarls and Ty Lee grimaces. This is getting terrible. "I am caring for my child on my own!"

Katara laughs. "Your child?"

Azula blushes bright red. Her right eyebrow twitches and Ty Lee gulps, grabbing the Barbie boxes and handing them to Zuko to unbox.

"I meant Ty Lee's. You all know what I meant and none of you can afford to mock me," Azula snaps before sitting down and finding her phone. She removes her parka after retrieving it from her pocket and starts sifting through work e-mails. It soothes her to work herself to the bone.

Katara can show off with those wrapping paper scissors if she so pleases. It is not like the inheritance will be decided by who can unbox a Barbie best.

Ten minutes or so later, Zuko is out of patience and the gifts from Iroh are still unopened.

"THIS. DOLL. IS. IMPOSSIBLE," Zuko roars, tossing the scissors into the trash can and nursing the cut on his hand.

Katara laughs and pokes him. "You're bad at this."

Zuko glowers and turns away, saying, "I'm sorry, Bunny. I bet my father can do this."

"Father?" Azula cocks an eyebrow and looks up from her work. "I imagined you would say Uncle, seeing as you hate father so much. Or do you just understand now that he is infinitely better than you in every way."

Zuko grits his teeth.

"Bunny, let's go find those swords me and Mai and Azula were talking about. They could be really fun," Ty Lee says warmly, patting her daughter's back towards the stairs.

The trio abandoned Zuko and Katara and trekked up the stairs, and then up to the attic, where they found the expensive items covered in white sheets that made them look like ghosts. Three chests. Two bookshelves loaded with decrepit books Azula imagines insects have made homes in.

But there, ahead of them, are all of Azula's toys from when she was young. Ty Lee recognizes a few of them.

They laugh about cowgirl Barbies and plastic throwing stars and nostalgia strikes when they see a Polly Pocket. Azula still has a faint smile on her face when they find the three swords. That is so rare that Ty Lee's heart feels swollen from happiness.

"Look, yours is still bent." Azula cackles and jabs Ty Lee's shoulder.

One sword has a pink hilt, one has blue and one has purple. There are some remnants of the gold fabric that used to cover them, but those decorations are long gone. Fake Katanas from a cheap toy store. They entertained three girls for an entire summer when they were young.

Azula grabs the blue one and hands Bunny Mai's old sword. Ty Lee takes her bent one and attempts to straighten it.

Bunny sighs. "I wish I had my Barbies."

"But we have swords! Swords are way better than Barbies," Ty Lee argues. "Azula and I will play pretend with you downstairs if you want!"

Bunny contemplates that offer, tapping on her lower lip. "'kay," she agrees.

And down the stairs they go to an unused living room. Bunny has clearly been thinking up her game for the entire journey, because she orders Azula and Ty Lee to sit down.

"You're a princess," Bunny declares, pointing at Azula.

Azula examines her fake Katana. "Why do I have a sword if I'm a princess?"

"Princesses can fight too!" Bunny shouts.

"Okay, okay, I know. I get it," Azula relents.

"You're also the bad guy," Bunny adds with a sharp nod.

Azula does shrug. She doesn't mind being a villain but, "I'm the princess. Evil Queen makes more sense."

Bunny is fuming and Ty Lee is glaring at Azula for protesting so much. "Princesses can be bad guys too!"

"Fine. Villains have more fun anyway," Azula says, sighing as regally as a real princess.

"Okay. Momma, you're the princess's guardian. You have special karate powers! You have to protect her even though she's really tough! But I'm gonna win, okay? Ohhh… I need people to help me! I can't beat you guys by myself!"

And, intruding as usual, Zuko says, "We'll play with you."

"No, you won't," Azula says coldly as she sees he and Katara. Katara is smiling at the scene and Azula mentally throttles her.

Ty Lee pokes at Azula. "Please. I want you to so bad," she whispers in her ear and the hot breath on Azula's neck is very convincing.

"Ugh. Fine," Azula begrudgingly agrees.

Zuko and Katara get to be the good guys. Boring warriors overthrowing a kingdom.

Bunny's imagination is fairly impressive.

"Zuko's dead," Azula says, whacking him with her sword.

Bunny's lip trembles. "Why?"

"Because I killed him," Azula snaps. "He's dead and now his girlfriend should mourn him—Eeee!"

Of all of the things Azula anticipated in her life, her brother's awful vegan girlfriend jumping onto her and tackling her like a goddamned football player is not on the list.

"Ty Lee, save Zuko! He can still make it! She just hit his rib!" Katara yelps as she pins down the wrists of a cold, intoxicant-scented CEO on the ugly shag carpet.

Ty Lee saves Zuko.

"You traitor!" Azula screams, and that is the first thing Mai and Ozai hear when they walk in to see the Fire Fortress Palace Castle Treehouse of Darkness set up with blankets and pillows, and an assortment of toys scattered across the ground. And Katara straddling Azula.

"Holy shit. This is a Christmas miracle," Mai whispers, watching Zuko cringe from embarrassment with a rare sparkle in her eyes. "Are you guys having fun with your pillow fort?" Pause. "Hey, that's my sword and throwing stars. Who gave you permission to use them?"

.

Azula awaits the dinner with apprehension simmering within. She cannot imagine that it will go smoothly, or that her family can even last through its entirety without midwinter madness.

"I bought you a cute little reindeer cardigan for Christmas Eve. I'm going to Instagram this so good," Ty Lee says with a devious grin.

All Azula can do is stare at it. "If the public sees me wearing that sweater, I will never live it down."

Ty Lee scoffs. "It's not like People is going to post you in a reindeer sweater on the front cover."

"That is exactly what would happen when you Instagram this so good," Azula says, stepping backwards as if the sweater can jump out of Ty Lee's arms and cling onto her.

"Azuuuuula. Please." Ty Lee bats her fake eyelashes. They are gorgeous, that is an irresistible gesture and Azula longs to make Ty Lee happy for her own personal gain but…

"Would you rather see me naked ever again, or see me in that sweater tonight?" Pause. "Your choice."

"You're evil."

"I know. I'm the Evil Princess, remember? The Evil Princess you betrayed, you whore."

Ty Lee giggles.

.

The beginning of the dinner goes surprisingly well. It tends to revolve around the same accusations, the same awkward moments, but the couples are doing a quite good job of keeping to themselves. This is the dinner that will decide the inheritance, and Azula is hoping for a fuck-up on someone's part.

It seems that they are all too aware of Azulon's will to melodramatically attack each other like during most gatherings.

"Ilah, will you tell your turpentine story?" Ty Lee begs after they get five minutes into dinner.

Azula's grandmother smiles faintly. "You all do love when I tell it."

"She told it by accident ten years ago and it's tradition now," Azulon says with a laugh. It is… a hearty laugh. Ty Lee smiles brightly, because he is relatively cruel to his offspring but he does seem to love his wife. Ilah clears her throat and, despite the fact that everyone's attention is already on her, taps her fork against her glass.

"When Ozai and Iroh were young and we lived in Richmond—this was the mid-seventies—they both were in this playgroup. Now, I wasn't ever the average housewife given the family business and reputation, but I was required to make snacks for the little kids who came over. I made cookies—baked them fresh—but I was painting our house at the time, you see. I was preoccupied when I got the cookies off of the counter and brought them to the playgroup. The kids began eating them, and I took a bite of one. It smelled and tasted like turpentine. The turpentine I had open in the kitchen."

"W-what?" Katara gasps softly.

"And I went to go check on the other cookies on the counter… they were soaked through. So were the cookies I gave the kids. Soaked through with paint thinner. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't just tell the kids that they were poisoned, and so I got two loaves of bread and some water, and I forced all of them. Eat the bread! I demanded. Eat the bread! They whined and complained, but they ate the bread." Ilah nods at her family. "None of them died."

Katara is stunned into silence during the gentle applause.

The dinner goes well.

Too well.

Azula is fearing that her inheritance will not be so easy to seize when everyone somehow managed to be on their best behavior for once.

.

"You saw them," Azula says as she and Ty Lee prepare for Texas Hold 'Em, as her grandfather requested. "They all were holding it in during every conversation. All of it small talk, all of them turning red but keeping calm and collected. Our dinner was too pleasant. Mother and Katara are upstairs wrapping presents so we don't have a chance now, but they'll break eventually. We will not. Do you understand me?"

Ty Lee cocks an eyebrow. "Yes, honey, but I'm not the threat of an explosion in this situation."

Azula sighs.

"We have no time for debating which of us is most dangerous to my inheritance. We should play poker. And I will win," Azula says coldly.

Ty Lee grins at her and walks down the stairs, looking like a beautiful ray of sunshine.

The minute she steps down and sees the pool table that they have turned into a poker table, Azulon addresses her directly.

"You can serve drinks," says Azulon and Ty Lee stares at Azula, expecting a defense. But Azula just shrugs and gives her an imploring glance.

Ty Lee purses her lips and stands up to do as she is told. This inheritance better be worth it.

Azula stares at the pool table turned poker table and goes to sit down. She waits for her two cards, waits for her chance to make her lying pay off and direct the conversation to wherever she pleases while most of her family focuses on the game.

"Let's play," Azulon says with a smirk that seems to run in the family. "Zuko is big blind, Azula is little."

.

Ty Lee has served two rounds while they are three rounds into their game.

"You guys are too intense about this," Ty Lee whispers.

Mai looks up at her. "You haven't seen us play Scrabble."

Azula laughs, because that is when the wolves come out. Scrabble destroys their family more than Monopoly somehow, and has resulted in more broken boards.

"We own casinos. This is invaluable," Azula says and it takes Ty Lee too long to realize that Azula is referring to what she wants. She wants to prove that she deserves ownership of all businesses, several of which being gambling establishments.

Yikes.

Ty Lee goes to make more drinks.

.

Azula is winning and she is on fire.

But Zuko is creeping up on her and she has the worst hand imaginable. Her heart pounds when she looks at her grandfather, despite keeping calm every other time she bluffed and took it all. She needs to break Zuko. Needs to.

"I'm going to beat you," Zuko says confidently and Azula glances at Ozai. "Why are you laughing? Why do you think you have that right?"

"Because you're not going to win. When have you ever won anything?" Ozai stands up. "I fold. I'm going to get a real drink because that little ornament can't make one of these to save her life."

"I hate him," Zuko mutters to himself.

Because even when Zuko has won in the past, he was never good enough for his father. Azula always was. Azula brought home countless trophies for every endeavor and every activity she signed up for. Zuko had multiple talents, but Ozai never invested a cent in them, and so Zuko came up short to her.

"Father loves you," Azula says sweetly and Zuko glares at her. "Fine. You think he's always disappointed in you like some paranoid and insecure little boy? Tell me then, when was it," Azula asks, "when you first looked in father's eyes and could only see disappointment?"

Zuko throws his cards at the table, knocking over one of the pool balls. It clunks into the basket. Ozai walks back in just in time, drink in hand.

"You are a bitch and I'm leaving. I'm going to help Katara and mother wrap presents, because they're not crazy people!" Zuko realizes what he said and Azula can barely conceal her smirk. He looks at grandfather…

And can only see disappointment in his eyes.

"That outburst was very immature of a grown man who should have a family of his own by now," grandfather says and Azula's eyes light up like glittering gold ornaments. "And, Azula," he says, making that glow instantly disappear, "poker with your family on Christmas Eve is not worth mocking your own brother to win. You seem to take after your father in that way."

"She was just telling the truth," protests father and Ty Lee's jaw drops. They had all been collected in front of Azulon, even if they were loons when he was not around. "I am disappointed in my son's decisions and how he turned out. He was the blind puppy that needed to be drowned."

Ozai finishes and glances at his fuming son.

And then it all snaps.

"Aim for an ugly part of the wall, ZuZu!" Azula calls out.

Crash!

That, Ty Lee knows as she jumps and flinches, is the sound of madness.

A/N: Hi there, thanks for reading this far :)

Tomorrow I'll be posting the last chapter because it's not finished due to IRL getting in the way. And it will include an epilogue of their Christmas morning.

I do have a question before then: would anyone be interested in a prequel/sequel story in this Universe to flesh out the characters, their relationships, the past and possibly a disastrous Tyzula wedding that becomes a battlefield for the fam? I know Modern AUs have a bit of a stigma – I don't know if I succeeded at this one or not – so, if you have the time, I'd love to hear your opinion on both this Universe, if it's a decent Modern AU (I'm a bit insecure about if I pulled it off), and if I should write more within it.

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you're enjoying the show. Merry Christmas!