Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this story.

They all belong to their rightful owner: Craig Bartlett.

Title: "Roadside girl"

In the last chapter: Rather than the therapy exercises, Arnold's passionate moments with Helga beforehand had done more to help them get along. To their slight fear, the director chose to rehearse the fighting scene next, but to their relief David remained professional rather than letting his feelings get the better of him. Once the day was over, Helga realized that she had hurt David more than she had thought and confessed to Arnold how rotten she felt. Arnold accidentally told Helga that he knew Maria had feelings for David and Helga wasted no time before approaching Maria and offering her help.

After the very confusing goodbye, Arnold finally got to meet up with Gerald and talked to him about the recent events between himself and Helga. Gerald took it as expected: dramatically and with little to no understanding. He soon realized though that Arnold's feeling ran a little deeper than he first thought.

Author's 1st note: Before you start reading please go to YouTube and search for "I'm no dream" from the movie Cool World and play it while reading the first part of this :3

[Please notify me if you notice any grammar mistakes. This isn't my first language, so there's bound to be mistakes.]

Chapter 9: "Eat my shorts"

This felt so familiar and yet so alien. Arnold was playing a game. A game he had known for many years, but it had never been this obvious who would be the winner at the end. He was standing on a stage with almost nothing else around him but darkness. Nothing to distract him from rehearsing for the play. Except for one teeny, tiny, itty-bitty thing… the blonde girl with the pink locks of hair dancing in front of him. She was wearing a red dress, cut in front of her thighs, showing off an indecent amount of leg as the sleeves of the dress kept sliding down her shoulders and she danced in a way that should be illegal.

Arnold knew he was supposed to remember something. Lines he was supposed to speak, actions he was supposed to perform, but his brain shut down and he was only capable of watching Helga in front of him, dancing like some sultry gypsy and her eyes never leaving his. Her face wasn't cold nor was it warm; it didn't show much emotion except for the hooded eyes that told him that she wanted him. She was just waiting for him to react, gauging his reaction to the way she moved her body. Her right hand slid from her left shoulder down in front of her stomach as she turned around her left hand joining the other as they went to their own hip. She kept turning around until she was facing him again, her hands now traveling up to just beneath her breasts until connecting in the middle and then going behind her neck to touch her hair.

Arnold was aroused within an inch of his life. He was practically glued to the floor or so he believed. He refused to move, refused to give into this temptation called Helga. Even if he couldn't remember all his lines, even if he couldn't be the right place at the right time, he would at least not give into this fire in his soul. He tried to swallow it; this feral need he felt spreading in his whole body, which refused him to show any mercy and let him at least attempt to look away. Her motions were small, but oh so very effective and he realized that the only thing holding him back was himself.

With that in mind, Arnold felt his feet move beneath, getting himself closer to the source of his desires. He wasn't quite there yet, when the last smidge of willpower he had held him back. She was within reach. All he had to do was hold out his hand and then he could touch her. He knew she would let him. Her eyes were pleading with him to touch her, to hold her, to kiss her. Then her hands moved towards him slowly, her hips swaying to the side as her fingers nimbly moved around as if enchanting him to come closer. He could feel the tips of her warm fingers touch his cheeks and just before he grabbed them, he sat up in his bed with a shriek.

The repetitive sound of his alarm was what had woken Arnold up from the dream and he groaned as he shut it off. "Not again…" he muttered, which he had done for every morning since two weeks ago. Ever since confessing his feelings for Helga to Gerald, he'd been having this dream. The first time he had been so flustered whenever he saw Helga that she started looking at him as if he had grown a second head or something. They hadn't kissed each other since that day. Well, except on the stage, but that was not the same thing though he was starting to feel more and more whenever he kissed her, even artificially. It was getting harder not to kiss her for longer than he was supposed to or improvise during the kisses.

Arnold connected his thighs and groaned at the familiar feeling in his groin. He'd had morning wood before in his life, of course he had, but not two whole weeks in a row! It was getting ridiculous and to be honest… it slowed down his mornings! He managed to force his body to calm down with a cold shower… a very cold shower. Helga flashed through his mind again, her hands again traveling up over her torso and - - "Oh, crap." Arnold hissed and scrubbed the shampoo more furiously into his hair.

Once Arnold was in front of the door to the auditorium, he paused. Calm down. This is getting really… shameful. He told himself, inhaled sharply and then walked inside only to then hear an unwanted and yet very welcome voice behind him. "Hey ya, Football Head." Helga greeted and he flinched so much that the door closed behind his back as he turned around. She would usually quirk an eyebrow at this reaction, but he had been doing that for the past fourteen days so she had gotten used to it… that didn't mean that she was ready to accept it without knowing why though. He had refused to tell her of course, claiming absolutely nothing was wrong and that he was just feeling a little odd. Well, he had been feeling a little odd for the last half month and she wanted to know why.

"H-H-Hi, Helga. Good morning!" Arnold said in a high-pitched voice and he wanted to smack himself after hearing that come out of his own mouth. Helga blinked in slight surprise, but then frowned. She shoved her hand into her pocket and looked at the clock on her phone. "We have about ten minutes." She stated before putting the phone back into her pocket. "T-To do what?" he asked, his mind going straight down the gutter. To his luck, she didn't seem to notice as she grabbed his collar and put her face dangerously close to his. "We need to talk." She stated before pulling him away from the door and towards the lobby. In the lobby was a bar and behind that bar was a door to a kitchen and that's where she dragged him in. Naturally, no one was working out there right now so when she shoved him towards the kitchen desk, he didn't hit anything else than the desk.

Arnold felt like a field mouse being stalked by a lion as Helga crossed her arms, her eyes holding a different sort of fire than what he desired in his dreams… though not that different since even her anger tend to sit his insides ablaze in a very comfortable way. "What's been with you lately? I think I've been very thoughtful and waited patiently for you to either come around or fess up, but time's up." She told him with no room for argument. "So come on, Football Head. What's been on your mind?" she asked with a smidge of concern in her voice as she stepped closer. Within reach… Arnold observed like in his dream. He gazed at her for a moment, his heart speeding up at all the thoughts roaming around in his head at having her so close. Before he could question his actions, he leaned forward with a gasp, as if he was surprised by his own actions, and kissed her.

Arnold heard Helga whimper in slight surprise, but she didn't move an inch. She didn't even un-cross her arms as she kept staring at his closed eye-lids, barely comprehending what was happening. If she was completely honest, she had been waiting for this to happen again as well. She wasn't sure what the real reason for the lack of intimacy had been. Maybe it was the fact that she had been too busy trying to get Maria and David together. Maybe it was because Arnold had tried to stay away from her, which she now kind of knew the reason for, or maybe it was because the director had been working them like dogs, giving them no pauses, the twenty-minute lunch break around noon being the exception.

Arnold moved back reluctantly with a small gulp, his eyes opening slowly to gauge Helga's reaction. She blinked a couple of times slowly, her lips a little puckered from the kiss. "Oh." She said in a soft, almost inaudible voice as realization kicked in. "That…" she continued from her former question before leaning towards him and capturing his lips in a kiss again. Unlike their former kisses, this one was gentle, perhaps even tender. It was as if they had missed each other, it felt like coming home after a long day. Arnold felt Helga touch his chest as her hands slid up to his shoulders, her fingers digging into them. He exhaled at the wondrous feeling of her hands on him and he suddenly felt her back against his hands. They had apparently moved on their own.

Arnold's hand went between Helga's shoulder blades, unconsciously pulling her closer to him. He felt her arms colliding with his chest before she moved them over his shoulder, letting them rest there. She felt his hand going to her scalp, his fingers massaging her skin there for a moment before pulling gently at the locks. It was smooth like silk and felt so good against his calloused hand and the shaky moan that emitted from her mouth made him shiver. He pulled his head back from the kiss and watched Helga's face as his fingers twisted through her hair again, making sure to get a better grip on her hair this time and pulling back the same way he had done before. She mewled at the feeling, her breasts jerking into his chest shakily.

It was perhaps the most erotic thing Arnold had ever seen. Helga, his childhood bully known for her iron fists, had a soft spot for having her hair caressed; her face was practically twitching with pleasure. Arnold's mouth met the soft flesh on her jaw and her long fingers went to his shoulders again in a desperate attempt at keeping herself standing up on two legs. While his mouth placed butterfly kissed on her jaw and her throat, his hand kept caressing, tugging and massaging her scalp. He was determined to drive her crazy even if it meant she's try to do the same.

Helga didn't seem like she was anywhere close to wanting revenge; she was too occupied with all the different feelings soaring through her right then. She was holding onto Arnold's shoulder and even the back of his head desperately, feeling her pelvis start to buck spontaneously against his. He groaned against her throat before turning them around so that she was against the desk rather than him. She gasped in delight when she felt his tongue tease her lip, her own mouth opening in a welcoming manner. Their tongues touched and Helga put her hands on his cheeks to get him closer, her jaw rolling to force his mouth further open. He blinked in surprise at her sudden dominance, but it was more than welcome. He himself was starting to feel a little weak in his knees, so it was good that she could be strong.

At the force from Helga's hands pulling him closer, Arnold's hands landed on the front of her hips. A whimper escaped her mouth and her kissing ceased for a moment in surprise at the feeling of his fingertips on her naked hipbone. She was wearing one of her usual hoodies, but it had crept up her stomach from their grinding. Arnold's hands started to feel itchy; her skin was so warm against his fingers and he couldn't help but want to feel it against his palms too. In fact, he was feeling it against his palm now since his hands had moved up on their own. He observed Helga's face while his hands moved, waiting for her to tell him no or give him the good to go. She was breathing hard in anticipation and then shut her eyes tight once he reached the first ribs. Her mouth landed at the nape of his neck, desperate for something to latch onto and he grunted at the delicious pain that shot through him when she bit down.

Helga's breath tickled Arnold's neck as he eased up towards her breasts, loving the feeling of her soft, warm skin that prickled his fingers. His exhaled his breath into the shell of her ear and felt her whole body shiver as he let his fingers glide to the side, touching her sides before easing up again. "Damn it, Arnold!" Helga scolded in a hiss and he had to hold back a chuckle. It was elating to hear her so desperate for him to touch her and his hands finally ascended in a swift motion. Just as he felt the tips of his fingers meet resistance, the sound of several voices echoed in his ears. In the midst of the pleasure, he simply strained his ears to listen as he froze.

"Oh, for fuck's sakes…" Helga hissed angrily and leaned backwards, Arnold's hands automatically falling away from her stomach. Arnold bit at his lower lip as he shut his eyes tight, cursing on the inside, but wanting to do it on the outside like she had. He opened his eyes and met hers, a magnet that felt like longing and frustration pulling him to kiss her again. She moaned into the kiss, held her hand to his cheek to deepen it for a moment before they reluctantly pulled apart. They gave each other one last glance and then walked towards the door.

"Hold on." Helga said, cutting through the silence as she grabbed his arm. Arnold turned around, partially expecting her to kiss him again until he saw her expression. "I'll stay here for a minute." She told him and let go of his arm. He quirked an eyebrow at her statement. "Why?" he asked in incredulity. "Gee, Arnold. If this had been an affair, my husband would be beating you up right about now." She told him sarcastically and he flushed at the statement. "What if someone saw us walking out of here together; what would be their first thought?"

"Oh." Arnold hummed in realization and turned around with his face still a little flushed from their former ministrations and her words afterwards. He stepped out of the room only to be met with the sight of David and Maria about to walk into the auditorium. "Good morning, Arnold." Maria greeted with a big smile, but it turned into a confused frown when she noticed where he had just appeared from. "Feeling peckish?" she teased with an eyebrow arched. "Oh, uh, yeah." He answered, happy that Maria unknowingly offered an excuse. "I don't think they have food in their storage at the moment, Arnold." David pointed out with a suspicious grin. "And now I have confirmed that." Arnold said with a sudden confidence in his ability to lie. His fellow actors laughed at his comment before he followed them into the auditorium.

"I feel a little stupid…" Arnold muttered, unconsciously loud enough for the dance captain, Ludmilla, to hear him. They were all currently stretching, which wasn't unusual, but today Ludmilla had decided to kick it up a notch. Therefore, they were all currently attempting to cross their legs and not in the regular crisscross way, but more in the yoga-like way. Most of the girls could do it, Helga included. Most of the boys could as well and Arnold, along with a few other boys, could only get one foot up on the opposite thigh.

"If you feel stupid, Arnold, it means you're doing it right." Ludmilla responded to Arnold's comment. Arnold was about to question her logic until Helga's voice caught his attention. "He feels stupid all the time so how's he supposed to know?" she wondered aloud with a smirk. Arnold shot her a slanted look, but she made that teasing, repetitive click with her tongue again, something he had noticed she did whenever she was teasing him with good intentions. He smirked and shook his head in amusement, barely noticing how a few people around them sighed in relief.

"Now, everyone. Please listen up." The director said and while everyone did indeed pay attention, no one took their eyes from Ludmilla nor stopped their motions as she spread her legs and went into a split. "Are you kidding me?" Arnold muttered under his breath, noticing Helga snickering for a second as she went elegantly into the same position as Ludmilla. "Are you made out of rubber?!" he hissed in a low voice and she turned to wink at him for good measure. "I am thinking of adding some lines to some of the other girls." The director continued and instantly all the girls' heads lifted up to look at him. Helga leaned closer to Arnold though. "Yeah, this is how you get everyone to pay attention." She muttered sarcastically and he snickered with her.

While the girls, on the request of the director, went to talk to him about the new lines, Helga and the boys stayed with Ludmilla. "Arms and left leg behind your back." She instructed before demonstrating. Helga did it with ease; she lifted her arms above her head, her leg behind her back as high up as she could get it so that her hands could wrap around her foot. She had the same shape of a P, Arnold noticed as he attempted to do the same. She chuckled at the awkward way his body moved. "Try this one for a start." She suggested and let her arms fall only to then move the right one behind her back and grabbing her foot again. Arnold copied her. "See?" she teased good-heartedly before resuming the real position. "Boy, for an old karate student, you sure aren't flexible." She observed and he frowned at her in embarrassment. "Yeah, well. When you don't do karate for this many years, you forget things." He retorted.

Arnold felt Helga's eyes study him for a moment before she let her foot fall to the floor and she stepped in front of him. "What the mind forgets, the body remembers." She told him and he put his foot down to question her words, but then she suddenly swung around and lifted her leg. Arnold barely had time to comprehend that she was about to kick him before he crouched to avoid her attack. What happened afterwards looked like something out of a karate movie and no one around them could describe what they had just seen. It went by in a flash and it wasn't until Helga was leaned way backwards as if about to limbo under an invisible stick and Arnold had himself positioned above her with his arms bend in a way that made him look like something from a karate movie that anyone could follow what was in front of them.

Helga smirked as both she and Arnold breathed hard. "See? What the mind forgets, the body remembers." She reminded him again before letting her hand fall backwards and onto the floor in order to hold her up. Before he could react, she lifted her legs off the ground and made a backflip until she was standing up again. Arnold was stunned. "When did you learn that?" he asked as she approached him again, getting back to her usual spot during the exercising. "What; the half-hearted backflip? That's not really anything special. I can do a proper one standing up." She told him, but he shook his head. "Karate." He corrected and she hummed in realization. "I was one of the minions for the bad guy in a play with karate in it." she told him with a shrug before spreading her legs like Ludmilla and putting her hands around her ankles, thereby letting her chest touch her knees.

Arnold went behind her and leaned to the side to capture her eyes. "You're amazing, you know that?" he asked her and he could have sworn he saw her face go expressionless, but flushed for a moment. He kept smiling at her and she started doing the same. "Yeah, well. I'm a pretty amazing person, Football Head." She said with a somewhat simulated voice and he recognized her words. He didn't think she'd actually quote something she said back at FTI. He shook his head in amusement before he went back to his spot and copied Ludmilla like Helga did.

"Can I take over again, Ludmilla?" the vocalist named Kimberly asked kindly. "Sure. I'm pooped anyway." Ludmilla said before descending the stage. "Ok, guys. We already warmed up our voices so I'm thinking we should try to sing a song together from a different musical. Any suggestions?" she asked as the director let the girls go and they barely managed to hear her. She automatically looked towards Helga, who rolled her eyes; Kimberly really had taken a bit too much of a shine to her. "Um… Cell block tango?" Helga suggested and Kimberly clapped her hands in agreement while the girls hummed in excitement.

"Cell block tango?" Arnold repeated as the girls got onto the stage again. "Isn't that the song about women who has killed their men?" he asked, barely remembering what the rest of the play was about; he only knew that particular song. "Yep." Damon answered and nodded, his expression somewhat fearful. "Should we be worried?" Arnold asked sarcastically and Damon laughed. "Oh, don't worry, Arnold." Helga told him and he turned to look at her. "You'd be the one to fix me a drink to begin with." She told him and he frowned in confusion. "It's a reference to the song." David whispered next to him. "Oh…" Arnold muttered and then stuck his tongue out at Helga who just giggled at his childish reaction.

The girls sung the song perfectly, while some of the boys lagged behind. They didn't know the lyrics quite as well as the girls obviously did and they got really into character too. Once the song was over, David couldn't help himself: "Where did I go wrong in training my whores?" he questioned and the girls laughed. "Oh, we are still your willing slaves." Maria teased and approached him before bowing dramatically for him. "Yeah! That's more like it! Bow for your pimp!" David ordered with a big grin and the girls did as told. All except for Helga, Arnold noticed. "Bow for your pimp, Helga!" David ordered in an artificially angry voice. She turned to look at him, only to put her thumbs to her temples, the rest of her fingers wiggling and then blowing a rather taunting raspberry at him.

David gasp in fake shock and Arnold couldn't help but laugh at the silly face Helga was making. "Don't you dare disrespect our pimp!" Maria bellowed dramatically and approached Helga. "What'cha gonna do about it, squirt?" Helga asked with a gangster-like voice and stepped forward until she and Maria were nose-to-nose. "I'm gonna kick your ass!" Maria said with a sneer. "As if you could; I'll wrap your tongue around your neck before you get the chance." Helga retorted and Maria gasped exaggeratedly. "Don't you dare! My pimp will protect me!" she declared and pointed towards David.

"Hell no!" David answered and they looked questioningly at him. "I vote for bitch fight!" he declared. The two girls turned their eyes to look at each other and then looked back at David. "You pervert!" they announced loudly and everyone broke into a fit of laughter; including the pervert. "All right, everybody. Time to get serious again." the director said firmly, but with a smile on his face. "In fact, along with new lines for the other prostitutes, Arnold and Helga will be getting a new song." He continued, but Helga looked anything else but happy. "What?! A new song now?! But the premiere is - - "

"Yes, I'm aware, Helga. The premiere is rather close, but this was sent to me last night by the writer. Apparently, a young talent sent him this song, hoping he'd may like it and he does. Very much so it's going to be a part of the play." The director said and handed both Arnold and Helga a piece of paper each. "It's a duet just for the two of you called I hate you." he told them as they started reading the text. Arnold blinked at the words in his own lines. "Every time I end up breaking you, you change into something worth keeping… You're everything I ever wanted, but it's never enough… I love it even more when I find you on the floor… This is… uh…" he muttered at the sentences he had randomly picked out and turned to look at Helga whose eyebrows were knitted together in a mix of frustration and confusion. She felt his eyes on him and she looked back. "It's pretty… deep." She continued for him and they looked at the director. "Where is this song supposed to take place?"

"Ah, the writer was unsure of that too so he thought it should be up to the two of you. He's aware that it's kind of last notice so he thought he should let you decide that." the director explained and Helga skimmed over her own lines again. "I'm so ashamed of what I did to you… You were too much, way too much… I'll take whatever I can take whenever I can take it if it ever comes… Jesus, this young talent knows his angsty love, but… it's very much last notice." Helga said as she waved the paper in her hand as if it was far heavier than it was in reality. "And I apologize for that. I believe it would be best if you two practiced this song on your own after practice as well." He told them, which made their eyes bulge for a moment. "There's some choreography involved as well, which I already have Ludmilla working on, but it's mostly the song you need to practice. Kimberly will go through it with you."

"Y-Yes, sir…" Arnold mumbled and looked pleadingly at Helga. She sighed and nodded. "Fine." She said and looked back at Arnold. "We'll also practice on our own in our free time." She said to the director and went towards Kimberly. Arnold followed her swiftly, silently wondering if she had meant on their own or together. He scanned the paper again, attempting to read the notes over each word, but he didn't understand them. "Helga, you read notes?" he asked in a low voice as he followed her. "Huh? Yeah. Why?" she asked and he sighed. "I can't." he told her and she quirked an eyebrow. "I knew that, Arnold, but you don't need to. Kimberly will coach us and I'll help you too." She said and looked where she was going again. "Yeah?" he inquired a little hopefully and she snorted. "Well, doi."

"Let's… try again." Kimberly said with as much patience in her voice as she could muster. Helga did little to nothing to hide her frustration with Arnold on her face, but she said nothing. She had promised to help him, but that was before she found out how bad he was. He exhaled slowly, not blind to the unsatisfied women around him. "Y-Yes…" he muttered and lifted the paper to look at the lyrics again. Helga listened to him as he sang. He was so focused on remembering the lyrics that there was absolutely no emotion in his voice and he sounded like a malfunctioning robot. "Please, hold the enthusiasm…" Helga muttered sarcastically under her breath and Arnold stopped singing and sighed. "Helga, help me if you're so smart." He told her and she looked at him with a sneer. "Distinction without a difference."

"So you're saying I'm hopeless?"

"Hopeless, useless, call it whatever you want!"

"Stop!" Kimberly barked and the two blondes turned to look at her. "Helga, I understand your frustration. Having to learn a new song on this short notice I can understand must be out of your comfort zone." She said calmly. "As soon as things don't go after her head, it's out of her comfort zone." Arnold couldn't help but hiss and Helga gave him a glare, but said nothing before Kimberly interfered. "But, Arnold, you really need to try a little harder. I understand you're not professional, but there's absolutely no emotion in your voice. Your voice, to be frank, sounds like there's no mind or soul behind it." she told him gently. "A sound he has learned from his former girlfriends." Helga jeered and Arnold growled in frustration.

"This may sound unbelievably unprofessional and it's perhaps none of my business, but you two really need to find a room." Kimberly said before standing up from the piano. Arnold and Helga looked at her in absolute horror. "What?!" they exclaimed and Kimberly shook her head in amusement. "I've seen many actors come and go and sometimes feelings get in the way of the play. In your situation, your sexual chemistry is so strong and you are trying so desperately to hold back that you're lashing out at each other. Take my advice; get the sexual frustration out and then you'll be able to perform without spitting venom at each other."

Arnold and Helga looked at each other in shock. "You mean…" Arnold started. "You're telling us to…" Helga continued. "To have sex, boink each other, screw your brains out. I don't care what you call it. Just do it! The sooner you do each other the sooner you can do the play." Kimberly explained and Helga put on a face of disgust, but it was only to hide the face beneath that, which was so flushed with embarrassment that she thought she'd might have a heart attack. "You're right!" she said and stood up, barely noticing how Arnold was looking at her with big eyes due to her statement. "That is unprofessional!"

Kimberly sighed disappointedly at Helga's outburst and shook her head in surrender. "Fine, but I'm telling you; continue the way you both are now and this play is doomed." She told them, grabbed her sheets of music and left them alone. Helga was breathing so hard that it physically hurt. "What the hell! That woman is absolutely insane! Who tells people something like that?! I'm… I'm… I'm speechless!" she announced dramatically and heard Arnold standing up. "And yet you're still talking."

Helga turned her head and blinked a couple of times, clearly doing her best to not start yelling at him. "Oh, eat my shorts, Shortman!" she finally told him and turned her back to him to walk away. "I just might." Arnold hissed behind her and she stopped dead in her tracks. Wha - - She didn't finish her thought as she turned around, only to see him walking away. Unbeknownst to her, he had turned around as soon as he understood the subtext in what he had just said. What did you just say?! What did you just say to Helga Pataki?! You might just eat her shorts; what were you thinking?! Oh, right. Nothing! He thought. His face was so red that a tomato would be ashamed in his presence as he walked towards the restrooms, locked the door behind him and fell against it. He screamed inside his head in frustration and let the back of his head bang against the door. Oh, this will blow up in my face… and after it blows up in my face, it will then circle around and bite me in the ass! That's me; no face and no ass and - - oh, my God, listen to me! I've officially lost my mind and… and Helga is holding my brain in her hand… He shook his head at his own thoughts and then lifted his head to look up. "I don't even know what that means!"

Author's 2nd note: I don't know what it means either, Arnold and I wrote it! xD

Song:

Sick Puppies – "I hate you"