-/-

"And then he just left!"

Leaning back Osgood did her best to avoid the flailing arm as she did her best to keep out of reach of the sloshing tea cup, the last thing her or little Miss Mae needed on top of that surprise was to be scolded as well. Still it could have been worse; at least she hadn't opened the wine. An angry ranting Missy was one thing, an angry pissed ranting Missy and she would need to alert the military.

"What he left you on the street with two babies and just took off?"

Ouch

A sharp pull with alien strength on her loose hair had Osgood swallowing a rude word. Not for the first time this evening she might add, she had smothered more than one or two after Missy's sudden arrival derailed her original plans for the evening.

"Yes without so much as a goodbye!"

One thing that certainly hadn't changed when Missy had become human was her love of playing to an audience and Tess was ably providing that much to Osgood's own annoyance. Her sort of…fine her girlfriend was making all the right noises in all the right places and didn't seem in the slightest put out that what was meant to be their evening had been gate-crashed by some crazy brunette and her demon children.

"Missy could you?" Osgood pleaded eyes brimming with tears as Mae's tugging turned into some vicious tug of war and Osgood could literally feel each individual hair being ripped out from the root.

Rolling her eyes at having her story cut off just when it was getting to the good bit Missy leant forward and untangled Mae's little fingers from her Skip's messy locks. "No sweetie don't hurt the Pet."

Osgood caught Tess's confused glance yet this was hardly the time to explain just why Missy called her that amongst her other menagerie of nicknames. Besides she was just relieved to have the mini Missy taken away before she went bald, a relief that lasted all of a few seconds before a drooling Sam was plonked down in her lap and proceeded to slobber all over the nice silky blouse that Kate had given her for an early Christmas present.

"So what are you going to do?" Tess asked taking a sip of her tea, her hazel eyes darting between Missy and Osgood.

"Well I was hoping…" Missy trailed off fluttering her eyelashes pleadingly in Skip's direction.

"Oh." The penny dropped and Osgood felt her cheeks flush. "You mean stay here."

"Thank you Skip it is so kind of you to offer…"

"But I di…" Osgood stuttered yet she knew it was a losing battle when Missy blatantly ignored her and carried out.

"I was so worried what I was going to do I mean poor little me out on the streets in this weather with two small children who had already been abandoned by their father."

Giving into the inevitable Osgood couldn't help but smile as Missy laid it on rather thick. "Missy I am sure The Doctor will be back."

"Well who says I want him to come back!" Missy huffed blue eyes flashing in warning. "After pulling this what makes you think I will ever forgive him? I should never have listened to you in the first place…"

"Missy!"

"Well it's true you were the one who convinced me to go after him Skip."

"Yes but I never thought he would do this." Osgood replied quietly. "I mean he came after you when I told him you were in danger and I saw how distraught he was when you were shot…"

"Wait what?" Tess spluttered practically spitting her tea back into her cup. "You were shot?"

Waving it off as if it were nothing, an everyday occurrence Missy merely nodded. "I survived obviously, but what Mother wouldn't when their children were threatened. I have a skill set my dear and I used it." She added dismissively before turning back to Osgood and her insinuation.

"You really don't know him Skip The Doctor would get emotionally distressed if someone gave him pear juice instead of apple." Missy huffed. "He was probably more concerned about having to raise the twins all by himself instead of palming them off on me like he tried to do, and whilst I was still in the hospital as you will recall."

"Missy I don't think…"

"No clearly you don't think!" Missy spat back. "I made a fool out of myself for nothing and now things are even worse than they were, he's off gallivanting about with that floozy of a wife of his, no doubt having a marvellous time and I'm back here where I started."

Biting her tongue Osgood settled for bouncing Sam on her knee. There was clearly no talking to Missy about this right now, Osgood had learned that she had to pick her moment and this was clearly not it.

An awkward silence descended for a moment until a rather noxious smell caught Osgood's nostrils and she gazed down into the scrunched up face of the baby in her lap. "Ummm Missy he's having some sort of fit…Oh my god what is that smell?"

Snorting in amusement Missy took a sip of her tea. "Spare nappies are in the baby bag I left it on your bed. Spit spot Skip you wouldn't want to leave it much longer otherwise you'll never air this room out."

Holding the squirming toxic waste excretor at arm's length Osgood practically rushed towards her bedroom, her reasons to hurry only increasing as a smirking Missy leant towards Tess, a familiar mischievous glint in her blue eyes. "So tell me just how long have you two lovebirds been…"

-/-

There were few things that The Doctor hated more, Daleks, Cybermen, Demonic creatures that lived in gravity wells, but having to deal with the bureaucracy of the Judoon was definitely up there. Logical but inherently stupid creatures it was like trying to argue with a brick wall, something which for a man who relied on his words to get him out of most situations was like losing his most powerful weapon…well one of them…Missy had stolen the other.

So instead of simply breaking River out of jail The Doctor was forced to negotiate with the galaxy's most notoriously stupid law enforcers.

"Look you have twenty eye witness statement that place her at the bar at the time of the robbery, your own toxicology report confirms she has the mixture of drinks in her system that the bartender said he served her."

"She is a notorious criminal…"

"Oh Sweetie don't they say the sweetest things." River giggled from her place behind the force field swaying a little too much before falling off of the bench.

"And she was in possession of the equipment necessary to commit the offence." The Judoon commander continued on as if River hadn't spoken. "Then when we tried to apprehend her she set off an explosive device that caused structural damage."

"It was a party; it needed to end with a bang!" River heckled from her new place on the floor of the cell.

"River you are not helping." The Doctor practically growled before turning back to the commander. "Look you have no evidence to hold her from a crime she didn't commit, if she agrees to pay for the damage from the explosive device…"

"A crime has still been committed!" The Judoon insisted stubbornly.

"Yes but not by her!" The Doctor retorted near the very end of his tether. "You cannot execute an innocent woman, I will personally file a complaint directly with the Shadow Proclamation and that will put your contract with them in jeopardy."

That finally seemed to get through even the Judoon's thick skull. The commander's eyes narrowed as he stared down The Doctor. "We will agree to release her into your custody Doctor on the condition that you apprehend the real thief and deliver them into our custody otherwise we will re-arrest her."

The Doctor was prepared to agree to anything by this point and he nodded his agreement, he had already been itching to investigate anyway. After all it wasn't every day that the Rigellean star emerald was stolen and certainly not from one of the most secure museums in the central core.

"Agreed."

Standing back The Doctor practically had to catch River as she stumbled out of the cells, even without her ridiculous heels on she was more than a little unstable all but falling into his arms.

"My hero!" River gushed and before The Doctor could protest she was dragging him down by the collar into a rather wet kiss.

"Oooooh I do like the new face." She added squishing The Doctor's cheeks between her palms and smooching them about. "All lived in like one of those wrinkly dogs, now you look like my sugar daddy Sweetie."

"River…River…" The Doctor patiently pried her hands loose jumping slightly as her freed hands now slipped lower and grabbed a handful of his arse.

"Look let's get you back to the Tardis I should have some anti-tox that will help sober you up. Unless of course you want to be tried and convicted for another crime you didn't commit?"

That seemed to penetrate the alcoholic haze and River at least managed to stand and mostly walk unaided towards the Tardis. This was not turning out to be the simple rescue and drop off that The Doctor had expected and he couldn't deny that part of him was practically chomping at the bit to get in and solve this latest mystery. He had missed it, the thrill of a new puzzle to solve and it wasn't as though Missy or the twins were in actual danger…

Not that you know of… they could be and how would be know…a small voice reminded him and for a moment The Doctor actually stopped his stomach churning in doubt and discomfort.

No he had a time machine, he could be back on earth before anything could happen, they would be fine….they had to be fine…of course they would be fine…

"Sweetie are you coming?"

Jarred from his guilty introspection The Doctor rushed after River, pushing thoughts of Missy and twins from his mind, he couldn't allow himself to get distracted he needed to solve this crime first. Then he could go and retrieve his family, just this one time, what could possibly go wrong with that?

-/-