[A/N: We wanted to hire Faulerro to voice literally everyone, but our budget was…kinda thin for this episode. As in, it was two shoelaces and a piece of chewed gum. So, if you could…please imagine Frisk as his rendition of Makoto Naegi, and Sans as Kiyotaka Ishimaru. Papyrus? Nobody cares about h—uh, whatever makes you happy. For ultra-gag-mode, might I suggest Monokuma?]

Frisk looked up to see a short, stocky skeleton wearing armor and a blue scarf. A grin was plastered across his face, and the holes where his eyes should be shone with excitement.

"Oh, already? Dude, we just finished hiding the body of the sixth one." A taller skeleton in a red hoodie strode toward Frisk.

"PAPYRUS NO!" The shorter one shot a glare at his brother, then turned back to Frisk. "Do not listen to him! He tells horrible jokes at the most inappropriate times!"

"Can't help it; I see pun-tential in everything."

"I SAID STOP IT!"

Frisk watched as the pair continued arguing back and forth between themselves.

"Well…if it's okay with you guys, I guess I'm just gonna go now…"

He was almost across the bridge in the distance when they noticed.

"Ah! Curses! Our endearing tomfoolery has allowed the human to escape!"

"Guess we better ketchup."

"This is NOT THE TIME FOR IT!"

"You're smiling."

"OF COURSE I'M ALWAYS SMILING, I'M A SKELETON!"

Frisk turned as the sound of quick, heavy footsteps grew closer.

"Come, human! We must initiate the monster world's traditional method of capturing humans: frustrating puzzles and japes! Not-dates! And then…cellmates! Grab my hand!"

Without waiting for an answer, the short skeleton grabbed Frisk's hand, and the two ran. We wanted to have World's End Umbrella play in the background for this scene, but music royalties are expensive, so just imagine it.

"But I don't even know your naaaaaaaame!"

"Ah! Trifling details! I'm Sans, the great skeleton and future member of the Royal Guard! And you, my dear human and stepping stool for this great end?"

"…Frisk." They resisted the urge to make a short joke.

"Like that thing they do to you at airports? What kind of parent names their child that?!"

Frisk quietly ignored the fact that Sans was most likely named after a font.

"Ah! Here it is!" They arrived at a fairly blank and unassuming patch of snow. "Face this dastardly electric maze, designed by the great Sans himself! But if you fail…" He grinned; not malevolently, but in a rather self-satisfied way. "You must submit to be captured! And I will turn you in to Undyne, and get inducted to the Royal Guard, and—"

"Right, I get it." Frisk surveyed the patch of snow. It seemed like there was a slight depression in the ground; other than that, there was no indication of where the boundaries of the maze might be.

They did the only thing they could: walked around it.

"Nooooo! To think, solved so easily—" A blue blush spread across his face. "You must be a once-in-a-generation puzzle genius like myself!"

"Uh, yeah, that's exactly it."

"Wonderful!" His elated smile turned quickly into a frown. "No! We must test your puzzle prowess! Take my hand again!"

~One Scratchy, Pirated World's End Umbrella Later~

"Feast your eyes upon this! A…a crossword?!" Sans stamped his foot on the ground. "PAPYRUS! WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?!"

Papyrus stepped out from behind a tree. No one questioned the internal logic of why he did so—we still can't afford a fact checker. But the point is…NEITHER CAN THEY!
Ahem.

"Junior Jumble gets old after a while, bro. Crosswords are where it's at."

"CROSSWORDS ARE RUBBISH!"

"So they rub you the wrong way?"

Papyrus lit a cigarette as Sans screamed in frustration. This greatly confused Frisk.

"…Where does it all go?"

"Huh? What, you askin' that just because I'm skinny?"

"Uh…no. The smoke. You, uh, kinda don't have lungs."

"I kinda don't have skin either. It works out."

"…Okay."

"Nevermind! It doesn't matter! Human!" Sans recovered from his screaming fit, jabbing a gloved finger in the air. "Attempt the crossword!" He handed them a pencil.

Frisk stared down at the abyss of white boxes and black lines. The key seemed to be written in some indecipherable language—'What is 2+2?' I mean, who would even know that? Certainly not a kid who has an in-depth knowledge of quantum physics (what would have been our recently-hired fact-checking department is currently busy fending off Hachi's lawyers and Youtube Red; please be patient).

They shrugged, and filled in Z's for all the boxes.

"Brilliant! That's exactly it! All they make me want to do is sleep!" Sans's eyes shone. "Great minds think alike, human Frisk! But…can you solve THIS?" Once more, he took their hand…

~I mean, what can we play here? Chariots of Fire? Is that copyrighted, too? Ah, I know: have some lovely percussion brought to you by the act of striking our gum wad with our shoelaces.~

"Heheheh! You'll NEVER solve this one!"

Two switches stood on the ground, a gray button between them. What's the difference between a switch and a button? Don't ask me.

"Turn the switches into red circles, and press the gray button! But the trick is to—"

Before he could finish, Frisk had solved it.

"Yes! YES! Beautiful! The trick is to step on the second switch BEFORE the button!" He brought his arm down in a cheerful little fist pump. "But can you solve the next one, that so ingeniously looks exactly like a hamburger?!"

Frisk looked over it. It did seem a good deal more complicated; not helping the matters was the rather frustrating (and mouth-watering) layout of the puzzle.

However…looking over the puzzle is not the only path to victory. One must also be fully aware of the environment in which it resides.

"Hey, is that…another button?" A large red button embedded in a nearby tree trunk read:

Press to Immediately Solve Puzzle

Frisk pressed it.

"I should have known! You would never fall for the fake button on the ground over yonder…nay, you and I alone have the eye for the true switch!" He laughed. "A child after my own heart!"

"Or, y'know, you could just step over the spikes." Papyrus appeared, and so did the smell of tobacco; he was still smoking.

"B-but!" Sans blushed, flustered. "The human can't do that! Look how short they are!"

"Are you sure you aren't talking about yourself?"

"I'm sure!"

Papyrus chuckled. "The secret is being incredibly tall and handsome. At least you've got one of 'em working for you; count your blessings." He rubbed his brother's head.

"Stop petting me just because you're taller!"

"Sorry, does it prick your short temper?"

"I SWEAR TO YOU I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD AS SOON AS I CAN REACH IT!"

Frisk took this opportunity to walk off once again. This time, they managed to get all the way to another bridge before the two noticed their absence.

"All right, human! Stop right there!" Sans panted from the run; Papyrus, being the sort with longer legs, was unaffected. "So you've solved every puzzle we've thrown at you so far, have you? Even the electronic one I didn't get the chance to turn on! But! This! Time!" He gave a dramatic turn, scarf billowing out behind him. Several large, dangerous, pointy objects suspended from ropes dropped from somewhere and loomed menacingly.

There was also a dog. We're crossing our fingers and hoping PETA don't care.

"I'll see your TRUE colors! Will you turn orange, and move on through with Det—[his microphone fizzled out. Sound Department? Can we get a backup? Thanks.]? Or will you turn blue, and stand there frozen in fear? We're waiting, human Frisk!"

Frisk stared at the array of dangerous things in front of them.

…Hold on, I'm getting a call. Stay put, Reader.

…What? Are you sure? All right…Ugh.

"Huh? What's wrong? Human, why are you frozen in place?" Sans stepped forward, and waved a hand in front of their face.

We'll have to cancel the Deadly Gauntlet of Spikes. PETA don't care, but Child Protective Services does.

"A voice from the heavens! Provide enlightenment for me, O enlightened one! Tell me why I have been subjected to this eternity in a still, unmoving world!"

…Sans, you've been there for two minutes. Suck it up, it'll be over soon.

The sharp, pointy, non-kid-friendly things disappeared. Everything returned to life.

"Did…did either of you two see that?!" Sans panicked.

"See what, bro?"

"Everything…stopped! Just…stopped!"

"Whoa…are you sure it's not all in your head?"

"Of course it's not! Look! Where the Deadly Gauntlet of Spikes used to be! It's gone!"

Frisk didn't know what he was talking about. That had never been there. Clearly, he was stark raving mad.

"I…I…" Sans blushed blue. He turned away. "…I need to…go sort this out…But! But we shall meet again, human! Come to my house when you are ready!"

With that, Sans darted toward the bridge, not even bothering to give Frisk an address.

"Well. Seems like something rattled his bones." Papyrus took a drag from the cigarette. "The Royal Guard's not really my thing, pal; guess I'll be seeing you later."

And with that, Frisk finally accomplished what they had been trying to do all chapter:

Get away from these two idiots.

Notes:

Bless the people who make Undertale maps so I don't have to play through the game again, or slog through gameplay videos.

…I wonder how long it'll be before the Youtube Red reference is obsolete.

I realized after I had written most of this that in reality, given how I've been writing this so far, it should technically be Sans's personality playing the part of Papyrus…essentially, Swap Paps leading Frisk through the puzzles…but I like it this way better. Eh, whatever.

*Cue an entire spinoff chapter of series of Swap Sans wandering around a frozen world* Don't believe me? I'll do it.