Marinette glanced at the back of Adrien's head for the thirteenth time in this class period alone. He had said he was fine this morning when she had asked, but Marinette couldn't help worrying. Something about Adrien still seemed … off. Almost like he was down about something.
Silly, Marinette told herself. You're probably just overreacting. Adrien probably still wasn't feeling well. It wouldn't be any help for her to overreact and get all worried about it.
Still, Marinette couldn't help the small flicker of uncertainty that nestled in the pit of her stomach. Because maybe she had done something wrong. Or maybe Adrien had finally come to his senses and realized that he was hanging out with a bumbling, ridiculous, inarticulate dummy.
With a deep breath, Marinette focused her attention back onto the teacher. The least she could do was take notes and do something actually productive while she was in class.
It was a huge relief when the bell finally rang at the end of the day.
"Alright, everyone. Be sure to read through page 68 tonight. We'll be discussing it tomorrow," the teacher told them as the class began to zip up their bags.
"Ugh," Alya groaned beside Marinette, putting her notebook away. "All of this on top of that Chemistry worksheet? I'm going to drown in homework this weekend! I have to help out my mom!"
"Poor Alya," Marinette told her, patting Alya sympathetically on the shoulder. "You can do it!"
"I wish I didn't have to," Alya told her with a pout. "It would be nice to do a study date tonight, but I just won't have the time."
"That's true," Marinette said. Quite honestly, she had been hoping that Alya would be able to study together tonight, too. The homework was much easier when they both put their heads together, even if it took twice as long with all their goofing off. "Maybe next time," Marinette told Alya, hoping her own disappointment didn't show through.
Suddenly Alya perked up, a sly grin spreading across her face. Marinette had only a moment to wonder at Alya's strange reaction before a familar voice behind her asked, "Um, Marinette?"
Heart racing, Marinette spun around toward the aisle to see Adrien watching her expectantly. Calm, girl! Calm! she instructed herself, feeling a bit lightheaded. It was going to take her a while to get used to Adrien addressing her so suddenly all the time.
"Hey!" she replied, managing to sound somewhat normal for once. "You still feeling okay?"
For the briefest second a look of pain flashed across Adrien's face—so quick she almost missed it. Worry and fear warred in Marinette's chest—did that mean he still felt worse than he was letting on? Or did it hold some deeper meaning she didn't want to consider? But Adrien's wince was quickly replaced by a hesitant smile.
"I got a lot of rest yesterday, so I'm feeling much better," he told her, reiterating what he had told her earlier that day.
Dummy, Marinette scolded herself. Of course it's the same answer! Quit repeating yourself!
"I'm glad to hear it," she told him sincerely, shooting him a smile.
"Yeah, thanks. Listen," Adrien said, trailing off in hesitation. He glanced away uneasily. "Could I talk with you for a moment?"
Marinette's heart rate picked up again, though this time out of slowly rising anxiety. Why was Adrien so nervous? Even on their first date he had never seemed nervous—a little awkward, perhaps, or shy, but never nervous.
Alya, however, seemed to have other thoughts on the situation. "Well," she drawled loudly, making Marinette glance back to her. "I think I better head home now. I'll see you later, Marinette." Alya's grin was practically cracking her face in half, and Marinette prayed that she wouldn't throw in a wink for good measure.
"Right, see you later, Alya!" she said, waving goodbye. Then, turning back to Adrien, she added, "And of course, Adrien. It's no problem."
Adrien's smile loosened in relief, but even there Marinette could sense something—almost as if he were holding himself back. The uneasy feeling in her stomach only grew. Adrien glanced around, watching as the last of their classmates trickled through the doorway. Marinette was relieved that Chloe had been one of the first out of the door.
Adrien took a deep breath. "Listen, Marinette, I … I don't think I can do this."
Marinette's thoughts flickered, then completely shut down, dousing her mind in blackness. Oh god, he really was—
"I really like you," Adrien hurriedly added, the pained expression returning to his face. "I know we haven't hung out much, but I really have been having a lot of fun, and you're an amazing person, and I feel like such a complete and utter jerk."
Marinette struggled to force her thoughts to start working again, even as her chest constricted tighter and tighter around her lungs.
"But…" Adrien hesitated, watching her with a searching look. "But the truth is that there's someone else I just can't forget. I really, really thought I was over her, and I was so excited when you asked me out. But no matter what I do, I can't stop thinking about her. And you deserve so much better than that."
Marinette nodded, pressing her lips tightly together as she swallowed against the lump in her throat. She wasn't sure if she trusted her voice at the moment.
"I'm so sorry," he told her miserably, and Marinette's heart only broke further. It was obvious how sincere and broken up he was about this. "I really didn't mean to lead you on. And, even though I know things will probably be awkward, I think you're a great person and I would still really like to be friends—or at least friendly, if you're okay with that. Which I understand if you're not. Just, I'm so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"
Marinette took a deep breath through her nose, a heartbroken smile fighting its way onto her face. She opened her mouth to respond, and breathy laugh escaped. "Seriously, Adrien," she said, hoping he wouldn't hear the slight tremor in her voice. "How on Earth can you possibly be such a great guy?"
Adrien's face fell further, and he opened his mouth to argue—she was sure of it—but Marinette cut him off. "I'm really glad you told me so honestly," she told him in a rush afraid he wouldn't want to hear it. "Really, I appreciate it. Whoever this girl is, she's a fool. I really hope you're able to change her mind."
"Marinette …" Adrien said, then hesitated. She quickly turned to grab her bookbag, avoiding looking his way.
"Well, there's lots of homework tonight," she told him, straightening back up and looking at the door, at the board—anywhere but that beautiful face that surely still looked so pained. She took a sharp breath, cursing the way the air caught in her throat, choking her. "I'll see you on Monday."
Not giving him a chance to reply, Marinette hurried out of the classroom. A few students were still milling about the courtyard, but Marinette kept her gaze focused dead ahead, feet quickly carrying her out of the school and down the front steps. Once on the sidewalk she picked up her pace, hurrying the short distance home.
The shop bell rang as she stepped through the front door into the bakery. Marinette felt her heart constrict at the sound, but she firmly swallowed back the ever-growing lump choking her throat and shut the door behind her. She managed a small wave to her dad as she headed up the steps. Her mom was cooking in the kitchen above, but Marinette beelined up the second set of stairs to her own room.
As soon as the bedroom door closed behind her, the tears forced their way through, a violent sob escaping her throat. Marinette staggered backwards, bumping into the doorway and leaning against it for support as wave after wave of tears finally squeezed up and out, her throat raw from the strain of making it this far.
"Marinette…"
Marinette shook her head, the sobs coming harder as she buried her face deeper into her hands, away from Tikki. A soft pressure pressed up against Marinette's head as Tikki petted her gently. "Oh, Marinette," Tikki said, her own voice wavering. "I'm so sorry."
"W-why?" Marinette asked, the sobs cutting off half of her words. "Why is he so p-perfect even when he's d-dumping me?"
"Shhhh," Tikki shushed her, nuzzling up against Marinette's tear-stained cheek. "It's going to be okay."
With a sniffling breath, Marinette finally faced Tikki, tears blurring up her vision. She tried to smile, though her mouth trembled so much that she gave off with a weak chuckle. "I know it will, Tikki," Marinette replied, taking a shuddering breath and hating herself for it. "I know it, but it still hurts so bad."
"Can I help at all?" Tikki asked, but Marinette was already shaking her head.
"No," she said, wiping the tears from her cheeks, even as new ones brimmed in her eyes. "I just … I want to be alone, if that's alright."
"Of course, Marinette," Tikki told her with a sweet smile, cuddling up to her again. "I'll go hang on the roof—if you need me, just call."
Before Marinette could thank her wonderful kwami, Tikki was zipping up to the trap door and out of her room.
Marinette blinked, more tears sliding down her cheeks, and she scrubbed against them more insistently. Wary of another wave, she scurried over to her bed and let herself fall face down onto her soft comforter.
A part of her wanted to be mad at Adrien. She had that right, didn't she? Wouldn't it be easier just to be furious with him?
But she couldn't. The rest of her—a much, much larger part—was still marveling at how Adrien could manage to be so kind and wonderful even when he essentially broke up with her. Not even that, she told herself forcefully. He was never your boyfriend—you went on one lousy date. A lousy date that was greater than anything she could ever have dreamed up.
Marinette bit back another sob, nuzzling her face against the fabric. It wasn't so bad, was it? He still wanted to be her friend. He thought she was an amazing person. If she had never worked up the courage to ask him out, she wouldn't even have that. And he wanted to be with someone he actually loved—she couldn't fault him for that. Of course he did.
Hiccupping, Marinette grabbed her pillow, crushing it in a tight hug. She would let herself be sad for this afternoon, and then she would stop. Because she wanted to be Adrien's friend, as painful as it would likely be. Even just friends would be amazing compared to not being able to stutter out a full sentence around him. Yes, she convinced herself, cuddling on her bed. You can manage that, can't you?
Marinette woke surrounded by shadows and a dark room. Groggily she looked around, trying to remember how she had fallen asleep.
"Marinette?" Tikki asked, slipping over to her. "You awake?"
"Yeah," Marinette told her, fighting off a yawn. Her shoulders felt a bit sore from the way she had huddled on her bed, her eyes dry and itchy.
"Your mom came to get you for dinner, but saw you were asleep and left you alone," Tikki told her, petting Marinette's hair agian. "How are you feeling?"
All in a rush, the afternoon came back to her. Marinette tried to push away the overwhelming surge of sorrow, pressing her lips together. "A little better," she replied, somewhat truthfully. The pain hadn't lost its edge one wit, but at least she wasn't crying anymore.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Tikki asked hesitantly, and Marinette felt a rush of gratitude and love for her little companion.
"Not really," Marinette said with a breathless laugh. "I just … I don't get it? How can I love him even more for dumping me?"
"What do you mean?" Tikki asked, brows furrowing.
"Just … it was so obvious how bad he felt, you know?" Marinette asked, sitting up so she could talk better. She rubbed at her itchy eyes, knowing that it would only make them feel worse. "He was trying so hard to look out for my feelings, and I really want the best for him, I do, but …"
"But?" Tikki asked softly.
"But I still wish it could be me," Marinette said, feeling tears prick at her tortured eyes. Darn it, she thought furiously, struggling to keep them from forming fully. No more crying. She took a deep breath, then added, "I guess I should just be thankful that he was so nice about it, and was careful of my feelings. I can't even imagine if he had rubbed it in my face or just dropped it out of nowhere."
"... You mean like you did to Chat Noir?" Tikki asked hesitantly, watching Marinette with obvious worry.
Suddenly Marinette's stomach dropped clear through her middle and into oblivion. "Oh no. Chat," she whispered, realizing with horror that Tikki was right. She still wasn't sure Chat hadn't just been joking with her, but …
… But things had never quite been the same between them since that night. And even if she wasn't entirely to blame, the way she had snapped at him…
"Oh god, Tikki," Marinette said, heart clenching as she shook her head. Not giving herself time to reconsider, she pinned Tikki with a stare. "I need to apologize to him. Can you contact him?"
"No," Tikki said slowly, frowning in thought. "But Ladybug probably could." Marinette nodded firmly. Her heart may still be breaking, but she was determined to finally set at least one thing right.
A/N: Really quick, before we get into the next chapter, I wanted to mention that my good friend at Dark Moon Designs on Etsy has a bunch of leftover stock from a recent Comicon. She's in a tight place because she wasn't able to sell much at the con after all the hard work she put into her items, so I wanted to mention it to you guys. She has all sorts of awesome geekery (Harry Potter, Disney Princesses, Star Wars, and Doctor Who), as well as handmade cosplays, outfits, and corsets. If you're in the US, it would be awesome if you could take a look at her stuff if you're interested. (I mean, if you're not the US that's cool too, but I'm pretty sure she only ships US.) Her shop name on Etsy is KBDarkMoonDesigns.
ALSO, THE AMAZING UN-PETIT-PAPILLON MADE A SUPER ADORABLE LITTLE COMIC OF MY FLOUR REVEAL IDEA AND I PRACTICALLY DIED OF HAPPINESS~~~ X) You can find it over on my Tumblr (Konekat), which, as I'm sure you've all heard by now, is NSFW.
Anyway, holy COW we're getting so close to the end 0_0 Only two chapters left! And, as I've mentioned before, the last two chapters are basically one gigantically long scene. I was looking at my summaries for the last two chapters, and Chapter 10 is actually WAAAY longer than Chapter 11, so I might wind up just combining them… maybe. I dunno. This is just a heads up that the next chapter might be the last (and if so, it'll be HUGE). Either way, I'M FREAKING OUT.
Also, I feel like we've reached the peak of angst in this chapter. There's still a bit more to come, but it's mostly a gradual decline from here on out. I hope I didn't overdo it in this chapter. I'm pretty sure this is how I would have reacted in a similar situation. Also, I find these types of sobs absolutely fascinating. The feel of pressure rising in your neck as the air chokes you, and sobbing uncontrollably—it's such a strange and intensely emotional feeling, and I actually really enjoyed trying to express it here through Marinette. (I have a strange and deep-rooted love for describing things ^^ lol)
To those of you hoping he would say, "I'm in love with Ladybug," we can't let them off that easily! Haha. Besides, I think Adrien would feel that that would only make it more ridiculous. He's in love with a public figure who theoretically (as far as Marinette knows, at least) he has never even met? To the point that he can't bring himself to date anyone else? Adrien probably feels like telling Marinette who he has a crush on would be like rubbing salt in the wound. Besides, even if it WASN'T someone as public as Ladybug, I don't think most people say, "I can't date you, I love XXX" unless the person they're talking to already knows they like that other person. Like, one time I broke up with a boyfriend and said, "Sorry, I like someone else," but I couldn't bring myself to say who, even though he probably could have figured it out for himself. That just seems really rude. (It was probably rude of me to say I liked someone else in the first place xD It was last on a long list of reasons for us to break up). Nonetheless, we are quickly approaching the resolution between these two sillies, so please sit tight!
I was searching for the perfect song for this chapter, and my genius sister suggested Landon Pigg's "Can't Let Go." It's bittersweet—sad, but at the same time not slow, but also not overly-upbeat. Melancholy—that's it. The lyrics fit this story rather well, I think.
For those of you who were curious, I've pretty much decided to do the Flour reveal fic next. The story itself takes place around Christmas, so I'd like to try to do it while we're still close to the holiday. Originally it was going to be a oneshot, but now that I've gotten the plot all written out, it's long enough that I might decide to break it up into three chapters… we'll see. Either way, it'll be much shorter than It's Complicated. So far the Flour reveal fic has gotten the most tallies, which is part of why I'm doing it next. But also, the Future AU (which is second in the running) is probably going to be a much longer story—at LEAST around the length of It's Complicated, and possibly even longer. With that in mind, I wanted to do something a bit shorter and fluffier before dedicating myself to a longer, heavier storyline. Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who left feedback on which stories they'd want to see and why! For those of you who were super excited about the other three, I'm sorry I can't get them to you sooner T^T I WILL be writing all of them in due time.
If you want to have a heads up when the next stories are available, the best way is probably to subscribe to me as an author. THAT SAID, I don't want anyone to feel like they HAVE to do that. Especially because I do write fics for other fandoms of various ratings. The next best option is to check out my list of stories on my Tumblr (Konekat - Kat Writes). I'll update it each time I start a new fic. But, again, my blog is NSFW, so that may not be the best or easiest option. Otherwise, just keep an eye out here on FFN—they'll be cropping up eventually ^^