13 Burden
Wow! Can you believe it's the ninth? Cause I can't! Sorry guys, I can't believe I didn't post yesterday. To make up for it, I'll post 13-15. -BB
Steve found it easier to believe that he wasn't a burden with Sharon because he didn't love her quite like he loved Bucky. He wasn't as desperate to make everything as easy or happy for her like he was decidedly desperate to make it so for Bucky. And likewise, Sharon didn't love him beyond what Steve thought was a mild warmth, and therefore, his pain wasn't the same sort of weight on her. She wouldn't care as much.
So with Sharon, Steve found that for once in his life, he wasn't a burden, even if it was just for the lack of love between them.
That's why it was easier to open up to Sharon when he did, even if he didn't say much, and even if he didn't elaborate. Even if all he said to her was, "I don't think I'm happy."
"Why not?" Sharon asked.
"Dunno," Steve replied with a shrug of one shoulder. He was nonchalant. Even as he spoke, even as he raised his head above the water line and tried to take in a breath, he kicked his emotions down and told them to stay out. "I should be."
He could speak. If only a few words, if only once, if only to someone who didn't care. But he wouldn't let the pain of it into his voice.
"Of course," Sharon said. She stood behind him, watching over his shoulder as he drew and he really didn't like her doing that, but he'd long since learned that people liked to watch others create and telling them off for it didn't do much good. He just had to force himself to believe that she wasn't judging it like he was. Then, Sharon spoke again. "Why are you telling me this?" Steve used his thumb to rub the graphite together on the page, letting it smear, even though he'd been trying to get out of the habit of using his fingers. It wasn't good for the page.
"Why did you tell me you were staying here for me?" Steve replied with a question and he wondered what face Sharon was making, what she was thinking, but he didn't turn around to see.
"Touche," she said after a minute.
"Do you have plans for Thanksgiving?" Steve asked.
"My mother lives nearby," she said. "And Aunt Peggy." Steve kicked his emotions down. He was going to become a master at Pretending Everything Is Okay.
"Does that mean yes?" Steve asked.
"Why?" Sharon said. "What are you asking."
"The Wilsons invited us over and Sam extended his invite to you," Steve said. "Thought it might be nice." Thought it might be a good place for you to meet Bucky. Surrounded by lots of people. On a holiday. Forced to be civil.
Sharon was quiet for a minute.
"Who all is this invite for?" She asked.
"Bucky's coming," Steve replied, because he knew what she was really asking. "And, believe it or not, but he has no plans to rebreak my nose."
"That's not what I was thinking," Sharon said.
"Then what were you thinking?" Steve asked.
"I was thinking I'll be there," Sharon said.
"Great," Steve said and then he balled up what he was drawing, stood from the counter, and pitched the ball of paper across the room and into the garbage can.