Here are some more instalments, thank you to those who are following and for the reviews :)
T
Until It Sleeps: Chapter 4
I will hold the candle till it burns up my arm
I'll keep takin' punches until their will grows tired
I will stare the sun down until my eyes go blind
Hey I won't change direction, and I won't change my mind
How much difference does it make
- Pearl Jam
The mood in the Sunnydale household had been sombre all day, as if they were waiting for some kind of expected natural disaster to strike them all down.
Well, it was close.
Buffy was strained to the limit - as they all were - but Buffy moreso. Her meeting with Faith was surreal. Surreal and dangerous. The girl was like a giant pressure cooker with its own gravity, drawing everyone in around it before exploding. Buffy couldn't deny that she still felt it. She could feel Faith coming down the highway in that car. She could remember in vivid detail how she had walked towards them at the Motel. The clothes she was wearing, the expression on her face.
Most of all Buffy remembered the heat of Faith's breath against her ear as she'd tried to threaten her into keeping her out of the house. It was just like old times, all those games they played with each other. Pushing at each others' boundaries. Faith thought she always had the upper hand with Buffy, but Buffy knew the buttons to push too.
All this she had left out of her `blow-by-blow' description of the meeting to the others. Wandering down memory lane where Faith was concerned may as well have been dancing the Waltz with Death itself. Despite it all, Buffy couldn't escape the fact that each time she looked at Faith, she felt the anger, the hate, the mistrust.
Most of all the betrayal.
"Will I have to hug her hello?" Anya asked, breaking into Buffy's thoughts. She looked genuinely concerned.
"None of us will be hugging her, Anya." Willow said sharply.
Buffy closed her eyes and turned her head to the ceiling. "Guys we agreed." Her tone was almost pleading. "We agreed we'd give this a shot."
"At trying to kill a demon!" Willow stared at her. "But there was no hugging mentioned."
"I can't believe I'm actually going to get to meet her." Dawn whispered to Tara.
"It's not something you should be excited about, Dawnie." Buffy intercepted the comment and regarded the two embarrassed glances from Tara and Dawn. "She's." She struggled to find a word.
"Evil incarnate?" Xander offered.
"..not what I had in mind..."
"A cold-blooded killer?"
".Dangerous." Buffy kept her eyes on Dawn. "She's dangerous and unpredictable. And untrustworthy."
"And going to be on your doorstep in, ooo-" Xander looked at his watch. "Five minutes! To stay for a while! How do we all feel about this? Anyone?" His gaze swept the room. "Anyone?"
"Let's just. stay on track shall we?" Giles addressed the group for the first time that night. "We've got a lot of work to do. We made the choice to ask her here, and now we need to deal with it."
Giles, not surprisingly, was one of the group more actively opposed to the idea of bringing Faith back to Sunnydale. However, maturity had taught him that once a decision has been made, it was easier to just make the best of it. Unlike Xander, who was still sulking and fussing like a spoiled child.
As if on cue, there was a knock on the door, and the room suddenly seemed to come alive with seething tension. Buffy left a lingering look on them all, one by one, then turned to get the door.
Her fingers closed on the handle and she shut her eyes briefly. The implication of what she was about to do bore down on her with the weight of a tonne of bricks. She was letting Faith back into her home. Faith, the one who betrayed and nearly killed them all.
The one who killed a man.
The one she nearly killed.
Buffy made a sound of disgust in her throat and twisted the doorhandle. The door opened to reveal the two individuals who were going to either make or break this fight. Who would either make or break the entire group.
"Hi Angel. Faith." Buffy said quietly, looking down and stepping away from the entrance. "Come in."
As they stepped over the threshold, Faith made a show of looking around the house. Nothing much had changed. It was so like it used to be it was surreal. She felt herself connecting again, but this time with the side of her she had run from - the trouble maker. The alienator. The heinous bitch. This was the person she was when she was last here.
She shook her head to clear it, and turned to Buffy.
"Where do I dump this, B?" She asked, holding up her pack. "Who's room do I get?"
"Mine."
Come again?
"Ooh.. Big sister's room." Faith grinned, simultaneously concealing her shock. "Enemies closer, huh Buffy?"
"Partly." This time, Buffy turned to face her squarely, taking the pack from Faith's hand. She smiled ever-so-sweetly. "Partly cos there's no room for you anywhere else." She left little question as to what she meant by `for you'. That was: `nobody else can stand the thought of sharing a room with you'. Buffy headed for the stairs. "Go inside. They're waiting for you. I'll be back down in a second."
"I'll go first." Angel suggested. Faith gestured in front of her, and he stepped forward. "Try not to provoke them."
"Yes Dad." She murmured.
As it happened, Faith ended up a fair few steps behind Angel. Basically, the plan was she'd let him walk in, say hi, make his re- acquaintances and then she'd follow. She heard the sounds of a couple of enthusiastic welcomes, some introductions, then she stepped around the corner.
All conversation ceased.
"Hey guys!" She said, oozing with false enthusiasm. She expected no response, and received just that.
There it was. There they were. The gang, plus a few extras. Giles in the far left corner, next to Willow and her laptop, next to. someone who's name she didn't remember, then a younger girl with dark hair, then what Faith knew from conversations to be Xander's latest girlfriend, then Xander.
Names. Names, Faces, People.
Silently, Buffy swept past her into the room and stood behind the couch. Not once did she look in Faith's direction.
"Help yourself to pizza." She gestured to the four open boxes on the table, each in a different state of demolishment. "Drinks are in the kitchen. You both know your way around."
"Nah, I'm good thanks B. Just ate. So!" Faith regarded the group and clapped her hands together. Half of the room flinched. "Didya miss me?"
"Uh.. No, actually." Xander retorted hotly. "Not in the least."
"Aww.. what a shame." Under the scrutiny of eight pairs of eyes Faith swung the chair closest to the couch around and sat, straddling it. "I missed you all."
Next to Buffy, Angel shook his head. Buffy looked up at him in a question. He seemed. sad, somehow.
"It's just been a long time. since I've seen her like this." He said at a volume only Buffy could hear.
Buffy nodded.
"You can't have him!" Anya blurted out. "Just in case you were planning on it, I'm telling you now. He's a taken man."
For a second, Faith looked genuinely confused. Then, realisation slowly dawned on her face and she tilted her head back in a loud laugh. "Who? Xan Man? You got nothing to worry about, girlfriend. I'm not after him."
"Yeah well you can't kill him either. He has... commitments!"
"Got no plans to kill him either." She paused, and tilted her head. "Unless he gives me reason to."
The room sparked, but everyone knew better to push it. Even Xander left the comment hanging, but not forgotten.
Faith gestured at Anya and looked up at Buffy. "Gonna introduce me, B?"
Buffy let out a strained breath. "This is Anya." She gestured directly opposite them on the other side of the room. "That's Tara, who you would have met. And. that's Dawn, my sister."
"Hey, kiddo!" Faith winked at Dawn and grinned. "Nice to meet ya."
"You too-" Under a sharp stare from Buffy, Dawn said nothing more. Faith saw the look and shook her head.
"Relax B, I won't bite." She said, winking again. "Red, G-man, how are ya?"
"Oh, you know.." Willow answered. "..just peachy. People dying, evil demons, living with murderers."
Giles cleared his throat and cut across her . "We're well, thankyou Faith. A little tired perhaps."
Buffy expelled another exasperated sigh and walked around to the front of the couch, sitting down on it carefully. She was careful to position herself within reach of Faith's chair. It was a move noticed by her counterpart, who shifted in her seat, folded her arms on the back of the chair and rested her chin on her arms. Her legs began bobbing quickly up and down on her toes - the only visible indication she was uncomfortable.
Buffy knew she was uncomfortable far beyond what she was revealing. She could feel it.
She turned away from Faith so her fidgeting was out of her line of sight. "What else have we got?"
"O-kay." Willow too shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Well, we finally got the translation done. uh. Dawn was a great help with that." She smiled at the younger Summers sister, who ducked her head shyly. "Uh- in the translation there was reference. in the diary that is. There's a conversation in there that it is.. Overheard between his neighbour and his neighbour's wife."
"Saying `thou shalt not covet'?" Faith interrupted, snickering. "Or is it `idolise'?" She made a great show of trying to remember, then shrugged. "I sucked at RS"
The room felt deathly silent again. Xander was glaring at the carpet. Giles took his glasses off and slowly began to polish them, Dawn fidgeted with one of the buttons on her shirt, Willow stared at her screen, Tara stared at Willow, and Anya. well, Anya just stared directly at Faith.
Angel, as usual, belied no emotion on his face. Buffy's expression was equally blank.
"My Bad." Faith muttered.
Willow's eyes darted up and glared at Faith.
"Go on, Will." Buffy interjected. "What was the conversation.?"
"Oh.. right. Uh-" Willow looked back at her screen. "Well, the conversation seems to be about the neighbour having `demonic dreams'. Then it says. the next day he um.. impaled himself on his son's sword."
"Sounds like the whole town was on crack." muttered Faith.
"Well you would be the expert on that." Said Xander lightly,
Faith clenched her jaw, feeling the beginnings of a fire rising in her stomach. She pushed it away.
"A-and then there's the mention of the main sales merchant choking himself to death with his bedsheets. Then. there's nothing." Willow pushed on. "So, now I'm looking for something. here-" She nodded at the computer. "-Around the same time, that might help... you know. elaborate."
"Any luck?" Buffy asked gently.
"The only thing we've been able to come up with is a couple of references, around the same time, to a great shadow passing over the sun, and-"
Giles continued. "-A burning village, but it says nothing about how it started."
"The passage is `A village burned from the ground.'" Tara added helpfully.
Faith finally released Xander from her stare, and blinked. "Okay, so it says the whole village was destroyed. I get it."
"No." Giles shook his head. "It says burned from the ground. Not to the ground."
"Oh."
Buffy glanced across at Faith. If she didn't know better, she would have thought she caught a hint of embarrassment in her voice. But Faith's eyes snapped across to her, and she quickly turned away.
"Willow.." Giles looked up. "Try to find some reference to `demonic dreams'. Maybe it'll help us try and find out what it is, at least."
Nodding, Willow punched a few letters into the keyboard and waited. The only sound that could be heard was the faint whirring click of the computer's hard-drive.
"Okay." Willow announced. "Uh. no, there are too many references. Including a link to `Max's Mushroom Hothouse'."
Faith snorted again. "Told you."
"Try-" Giles interrupted before anyone else could bite. At the moment, keeping the conversation flowing in the right direction was like trying to tread through molasses. "-Try `suicide' and `resulting in' as a subsearch."
"Okay." Willow nodded. More keys were punched, then she waited. The computer whirred, stopped, and Willow's eyes widened. "Wow."
"Got something?" Dawn asked.
"Uh. not as such." Willow glanced up Faith unconsciously. "..I never knew they could do that to you."
Faith blinked. "What, drugs?" Willow nodded, still shocked. Faith shrugged. "Been there, done that." Then, at the realisation at her own admission, attempted to dilute the implications by craning her neck as if to see what Willow was looking at. "Are there pictures?" Willow nodded dumbly. "Gory? Lots of vomit?" Another nod.
"Not wanting to interrupt this fascinating cultural revelation," Xander said acridly, "-but can we please stick to what we're looking for?"
Faith shrugged again and relaxed back into her position. Willow's look of shock was replaced for a brief instant by shame, then back to the good old Willow determined frown.
It could have been five, maybe ten minutes without a word from anyone, and Faith was getting impatient. She never did the sitting thing very well. The tension was getting to her and her instinct to run was starting to permeate every corner of her thinking.
Fresh air, that's what she needed. Fresh air and a good slay.
"Hey uh-" She slapped her palms against the tops of her knees. "I hate to throw a spanner in the works of this great intellectual hive of activity we've got going here, but I'm bored."
"Gee Faith, I'm sorry-" Xander snapped. "Are we eating into your social life?" He ignored the pleading glance from Buffy and stood up, gesturing towards the door. "Because. you know, if you've got somewhere else to be."
"Oh would you relax Xander?" Faith said, shaking her head.
"Well hey, if you have any better idea, please, go ahead!" He snarled. "I'm sure the eighteen people who've died would be really interested to hear it!"
The spark was back, but this time it began with the flash in Faith's eyes.
"Faith.." Angel whispered warningly from behind her.
Don't blow it. Was his unfinished comment.
Slowly, Faith forced herself to smile, then shrugged and looked to Giles. "No hard feelings G-man, but I'm just not a thinking kinda gal. I like doing the do. So. whaddya say you guys continue with your little scout meeting, and I'll go do a bit of recon."
Giles pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Faith," He said "I'm not convinced that that is quite the best thing to do. We haven't had much luck with fighting this demon...I just don't think it's wise to go out there without knowing what we're up against."
Go Giles Buffy thought, visibly relaxing. He'd just thrown an enormous fire blanket over the situation with his gentle honesty. She even felt Faith settle a fraction.
"G-man, I hear ya, but. you know me. Fight, then talk."
She mentioned a fraction, right?
"Yeah.." Xander scoffed. "Bet Finch knows too."
And there it was.
Buffy almost heard the `pop' as the pressure cooker boiled over. Faith shot out of her seat, eyes blazing. In fact, if looks could kill, Xander would have been dead a thousand times over. Giles, Angel, Buffy all glared at him, and he shrank back slightly from the attention, surprised.
"What?" He asked, "I've had about enough of this! Am I the only one here who actually remembers what Scary Spice here's capable of?"
Perhaps for the first time in years, Buffy felt for Faith. Only slightly, and only because she was here to help them, but at least it was something. She felt the sheer enormity of the silent rage beside her, and reached across to rest her fingers against Faith's leg. It was meant to be a reassurance - an invitation to stay - but had Buffy given it more than a second's thought she would have realised that the message would have been misinterpreted. And it was. In the instant before Faith flinched away, Buffy felt her muscles quivering, ready to let fly.
"Who's Scary Spice?" Anya asked out loud.
"Anya, now's not a good time." Snapped Giles.
"I'm outta here."
"Faith-" Giles wouldn't have much luck this time.
"No." She interrupted. "You guys asked me to come here, I'm here. None of us have to like it, but that's the way it Goddamn is." She moved away from the couch. If she didn't get out in the next five seconds, she'd either punch Xander, or a wall.
The wall would win out. At least it'd put up resistance.
"You guys sit here and." She gestured non-specifically around the room "-figure it out. I'm going to go out there and see for myself." With that, she stalked out of the room. There was the distinct sound of a slamming door, and Buffy lowered her head.
"Let her go." She murmured, then looked behind her at Angel, who nodded very slightly.
"I'll go."
With the soft `click' of the front door closing - more quietly - for the second time, Buffy turned her glare back onto Xander.
"You just couldn't resist, could you!?"
"Hey!" He said again, holding up his hands. "It wasn't my idea to ask her back here. In fact, I do believe I was the only one talking sense when I said we shouldn't!"
Willow, from her position behind her laptop, muttered "I'm beginning to wish I'd agreed with Xander."
Buffy looked at her, astonished. "We need her help Will. You said it yourself. Eighteen people are dead now. We can use all the help we can get!"
"I said we needed help, Buffy. I don't remember specifically using the `F' word."
"I don't like her.." Anya blurted again out of nowhere. "She's got a bad temper "
Xander shuddered. "You have no idea An."
"She could have cut you down in a second when you opened your big mouth back then, Xander." Buffy snapped. "You know that as well as I do."
"Self preservation instinct. She knew you would have stopped her."
Buffy raised one eyebrow in a pointed stare that shouted `would I?' at the top of her expressional lungs. Xander's eyes darkened with his scowl. Buffy matched it.
"You were out of line, Xander. Look-" She looked around at the rest of them. "Faith's right. None of us have to like this, but we do need the help. Do I trust her? Of course not, despite what Angel believes. Do I think she's a demon-fighting super-force we could do with on our side?" She took a deep breath and calmed her voice. "Yes, I do."
"And what if she goes all demon-worshipping again?" Willow asked. "You know, turn into a human-fighting super-force?"
"I thought about that, Will. But this thing clearly wants to kill, and doesn't need any help to do it. I don't think it's looking for an ally."
Willow glanced across at Tara, who had been very quiet the whole exchange. She wore a frown on her face, and her brow was furrowed. Willow put a hand on her arm. "Tara? You okay sweetie?"
She blinked, and looked at Willow. "She's concealing a lot." She said. "She's very guarded." Pausing, she added. "I think she's scared."
"She's a monster, Tara." Willow said softly, turning to her computer screen. "Monsters don't feel fear."
"Yes, but, right now," Giles interjected, "She's not the one we're trying to fight."
"Anyone thirsty? I want a Sprite."
Buffy didn't look up. "In the door of the fridge Anya. Glasses in the dishwasher."
"Great!"
"How are you going, Willow?" Giles asked.
Willow shook her head, dropping her shoulders. "It's so.. wrong having her here- Oh!" She said, and straightened when she realised the true purpose of the question. "Oh.. how am I going on this? With, the computer? Uh- No. more references to. y'know." She said, then stopped. "Oh. Hang on."
"Willow?"
"Uh. gimme a second. Yep this looks like something." She leaned towards the screen. "Ancient mythology. a demon feeds off the souls of men and. . It says `driven mad by nightmares fed to them by evil'"
"They're driven mad by nightmares?" Buffy asked, sceptically.
Willow nodded. "Suicidal, apparently."
"Must be some nightmares."
"Of course!" Anya had returned with a tall glass of Sprite. She took a sip and sat back down next to Xander. "So terrifying you'd rather not sleep, so you don't, and you hallucinate. But you start to hallucinate your dreams, and you go mad. Vicious cycle, really. And even if you do sleep, it gets to a point where if you blink for too long you see it, which also sends you mad."
"And suicidal?" Buffy looked to Willow, who shrugged.
"You have no idea how ugly Demons can make your life." Anya said.
The others ignored the tinge of what appeared to be pride in Anya's comment. Xander shuddered.
"So why is it important the person commits suicide?" Tara asked.
"Something about dying in fear and desperation?" Willow pointed at her screen. " Somehow that's important."
Anya shrugged. "When the soul is most vulnerable. When the body doesn't want it any more. Basic demonology. Easiest to disconnect a person's soul when they're not attached to it."
Xander looked at Anya with a raised eyebrow. "Uh, An? Why wouldn't a body want it's soul? I don't know about you, but I'm quite partial to mine. I'm sure Angel prefers his where it is.."
"Yes but you're a wonderful specimen of a stable, simple human being, Xander."
"Simple?" He raised a finger at her, then stopped, lowering it just as quickly. "- you know, I think I'm just going to choose to take that as a compliment."
Anya ignored him. "I've seen so many people barely hanging onto their souls. Of course, most of that has been caused by the men in their lives. cheating, stealing, lying, making them feel fat. forgetting to tell them every day that they're the most beautiful thing they've ever seen." Her eyes slid across to Xander and held there, pointedly.
"The demon, Anya?" He reminded her weakly.
Tara looked across at Anya. "So, these people, when they kill themselves.?"
"Wanting to destroy your own life is as disconnected as you can possibly get, without actually being dead," Anya said. "Which would be beside the point. The point is to take over just before the person dies." She raised the glass to her lips and took another sip.
Willow piped up. "There's reference here to a demon called... is it `Ammitus'?"
Anya choked, spitting some of mouthful out and inhaling the rest, sending her into a long coughing fit. Xander was immediately there at the ready, rubbing her back and watching her with concern. The rest of the group stared as Anya coughed a few more times, blinked hard, then wiped her mouth. "Oh yeah.." She said. "That'd do it."
Buffy leaned forward. "You've heard of it?"
"Hah!" Anya brandished her sprite in the air. Buffy tried not to imagine the inevitable cleaning of sticky soft drink spills on the carpet, instead making peace with her date with the sponge so she could focus on Anya's story. "Everyone's heard of it. In fact I'd say almost everyone on both sides of the Hellmouth have either tried to kill it, capture it or ally with it. For the most part now we just try to ignore it. It's a nasty piece of work, even in demon terms."
"Great, so. you've heard of it." Buffy continued. "How exactly are you supposed to kill it?"
Anya shrugged. "Beats me. I've never tried. I know people who have, and they've all been. well. I won't say killed because they were already dead. But.. how does destroyed sit with everyone?"
"So we're back at square one." Xander blew out a loud breath of frustration and gestured at the diary. "Except now we have a super- scary demon that can't be killed. Oh, no really that's fine. We've plenty of time to come up with something. I mean let's think about this. We have another." He counted on his fingers. "29 people before we start getting worried, huh?"
"Oh it'll be much less than that."
"What?" Asked several people at once. It was an interesting sound.
But Anya just looked at them dumbfounded. "What? Tortured souls back then were nothing compared to the talent these days."
Xander pinched the bridge of his nose. "An. if you could possibly find a more tactful way of expressing yourself."
Truly perplexed, she looked around at the others. The grim expressions spoke agreement, although she still couldn't understand why. "Oh come on! All this evil, human nature and the like. Back then -" She waved the diary in the air. "-The most tortured a soul would have been would be killing a neighbour's goat. Or wanting to have sex with their brother's wife."
"Anya-"
"Not like now. I mean, I'd know - I was in the torturing business. As time went on I had to become more creative, because the things I used back then wouldn't mean anything to a man these days. Back then, having a man wake up in a bed of cockroaches would have done the trick."
"Anya-"
"Now I'd have to actually turn the guy into a cockroach. And that's hard work."
"Anya!"
"But anyway." She continued, "My point is, if it's Ammitus, it'd find much more on its plate in this time. 48 people? It was probably starving. Now, self-loathing is practically instinct with humanity! with all the fodder you humans have? It'd be much less than 48."
"How much less, Anya?" Buffy asked.
"Oh, I'd say half. Maybe less. Most likely less if it finds some good ones."
"Finds some good ones? You mean it'll hunt down the most." Willow made a face. "Appetising soul?"
Anya blinked, and stared at Willow. "Of course. Don't you always go for the biggest slice of pizza?"
Willow blushed furiously, and lowered her head. "I do thinking a lot. Thinking makes me hungry. Lots of chemical reactions in the brain - it's proven that you need to eat when you're thinking. Pizza's good for. brain. pow-." She stared at Buffy, who had turned white as a sheet. "Buffy?"
"It hunts for the most tortured soul." She whispered. Her eyes darted to Giles, who suddenly straightened.
"Oh dear God." He breathed.
Buffy stood up. "I've just handed him the super-supreme."
Now it was the group's turn to stare at them. Xander leaned forward in his chair, as if that act alone would make him understand. "I'm missing something."
"Angel. I brought it Angel."