Until It Sleeps: Chapter 6
Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
- Linkin Park
Reality can be a cold, hard thing to handle. Before the moment of truth actually sets in there can be numerous attempts at rationalisation, at disbelief. the point where all those `get out of jail free' cards that a person thinks they hold get thrown into the fray, hoping, pleading with the Ether that one of them will work.
But when the truth finally does reveal itself, and that sting rises up through the stomach, tingling down the arms and up to the neck, somehow it takes a person back to youth. Suddenly they feel like that time when they were five, and they were caught writing on the walls in permanent ink.
For those first few seconds, it's all about the walls, the ink, and the scolding received for doing it. Funny, how something like that can invoke the same feelings as an imminent apocalypse.
Buffy's lungs were burning by the time they reached the other side of the graveyard. The flash had illuminated the sky - they had both seen it - and they knew. They knew it was over.
"Faith!" Buffy's eyes snapped up from the path as she heard Angel call her name. Just beyond him lay a dark figure. In two strides he had closed the distance and he crouched down next to her, hands reaching out. "Faith."
Buffy was only a few feet behind, and she ran around Angel to the other side of Faith's body. Faith lay on her back, her legs bent, right arm outstretched and left hand resting on her abdomen. Her eyes were tightly closed, her fast breaths puffing short bursts of steam into the air.
She was shaking.
"Faith.." Angel repeated, placing his hand against her forehead, then left cheek. "Come on." Buffy knelt down and his eyes rose to meet her. "She's freezing."
Angel's features had returned to normal, but his eyes still held the desperation she had first seen in them when he'd realised what was happening. Desperation and. fear. Angel was afraid for her. Buffy, through a multitude of experience, had learned to trust Angel implicitly. The combination wrought havoc on Buffy's conscience. Angel was afraid for Faith. Concerned for Faith.
A part of her felt ashamed.
She looked up and down Faith's body, suddenly unsure of herself. If it were any of the others she would be holding their hand, trying to rouse them. She would be the one using her physical contact to pull them out. Somehow, it. this. just. didn't seem right. She felt the part of her holding her back. The part that screamed at her to look at who this was, and remember. remember all the things they'd done to them.
She felt the other part of her hating her for it.
"She's bleeding." She said, when she saw the blood streams down the back of Faith's left hand. Angel reached over and lifted the lapel of her jacket, wincing at the smell that only he could detect.
Blood. Lots of it.
"We've got to get her to the hospital." He leaned over Faith's body and slid his arms underneath her. He lifted her carefully - and both he and Buffy started when a weak groan left her lips as the motion caused her injured arm fall to away from her stomach and dangle awkwardly outwards.
"It's okay Faith, you're safe." He said softly. "Just relax."
Apparently, there are a couple of rules when handling an injured slayer. Number one, if you're too close to them when they regain consciousness, and they're likely to be disoriented and not in love with you, you're likely to come out with a few bruises. Number two; if you're going to carry them, make sure they know about it, or are unconscious with absolutely no likelihood of coming to mid- transport.
Rule number three. if that slayer is Faith, you're better off waking her up and letting her walk herself, or you're likely to lose a limb.
Angel had yet to encounter any of the Rules.
Faith's eyes shot open, and her breathing quickened in pace. Angel felt her body tense completely in his arms.
Buffy was learning Rule number three right now. And she was learning fast.
"Angel let her go." She said quickly, "Put her down."
"She needs a doctor Buffy." He simply said.
Buffy shook her head. "Angel, trust me. You need to put her down now."
Before he could act on the second warning Faith growled, kicked up, locked her legs around Angel's neck, and sent a cracking punch towards his jaw. Angel doubled over in pain, hands darting to his face. It was the release Faith needed and in a final move she flipped off him, landing awkwardly on her feet and backing up with her left arm hanging loosely beside her, her right fist raised, glazed eyes glaring at them both.
"Faith!" Buffy cried out, holding up her hands. Faith stood, blinking the disorientation away and shaking her head every few seconds. The action was causing her hair to flick haphazardly across her face, which made her look. wild. Feral. Buffy felt a pang of. guilt? Sympathy?
There was something about that picture, with Faith standing injured and shivering in the shadows that etched itself into Buffy's mind. And it would stay there, regardless of how long it took her to accept it.
Buffy shook her own head and inhaled deeply to clear the image from her immediate thoughts. She knew that if this wasn't handled properly Faith would fall back on her instincts and simply run. That would prove difficult for them all.
"Faith, stop." She said more softly. "It's just me. Me and Angel."
Slowly, the ache in her arm focused some clarity into Faith's consciousness. The threatening figures before her began to take more shape.
`Just me.'
`Me and Angel.'
"What..?" Faith finally croaked. She tried to draw into recollection, to bring out something, anything that could place her whereabouts, and why she was there. All she could find was darkness. Faith blinked harder, unclenched her right fist and lifted her hand, rubbing furiously at her forehead.
This wasn't the Faith she knew. Buffy's frown deepened, and she closed her eyes briefly. This wasn't Faith the murderer, the heartless, fearless loveless weapon. That Faith would have been long gone, rather than risk appearing unsure. Attacking Angel, yeah, well, Buffy could live with that. Instincts were heightened in Slayers - even the animal ones. Faith had used a viciousness that only came from a wounded animal believing it was trapped. At the most basic level, Buffy understood. And it was that understanding that drove her now.
"Faith, I'm going to come closer." Buffy closed the distance between them even further, so there was only a foot between them, and Buffy could whisper her next words without having to worry that Faith wouldn't hear it. "But I'm not going to hurt you."
Faith didn't acknowledge Buffy, nor did she retreat any further. She just continued rubbing at her forehead, stopping when she touched a raised mark on the left side of her face. With a frown, she pulled her fingers away to look at them, then pressed down on it again, repeating the process as if looking for blood.
It was just above her left cheekbone. Buffy didn't need to see it to know what it was, and the knowledge made her sick to her stomach.
Faith had been marked.
In that instant, Buffy chose to forget about the betrayal, the lies, the hurt. She silenced the voice screaming at her to come to her senses, to realise who this was... to realise what she'd done. She chose to forget it all. Just for a moment. Just for the chance to be the one to bring back the person, the one person who truly understood her.
"Faith it's okay." She murmured, and reached out.
It was a motion that would spell the end of them. Or perhaps the beginning - who knew. There was such power in hands. Such a bond could be created by the simple gesture of taking another person's hand. Buffy could have grabbed Faith's sleeve, or her forearm, but she didn't. She would remember that. She would also remember the iciness of Faith's skin as their fingertips finally connected, and connected for the first time in years.
But most of all she would remember the connection itself. The link re-established between them in such a simple gesture, for such a simple purpose. The way Faith looked at her as Buffy's fingers curled around the side of her hand and she felt it - the power of another slayer - the vulnerability of a lost girl.
"I'm sorry." Buffy whispered.
It was a moment not to be forgotten, regardless of the fact that only seconds after the words left Buffy's mouth Faith would break the contact, yanking her hand away and glaring. Perhaps it was for that very reason Faith stalked past her, mumbled an apology to Angel, and kept on going.
Perhaps that's why none of them said a word until they reached the hospital.