Note: this is for KS, who demanded a happy chapter. Merry Christmas, and many thanks.

Chapter 91 - Balance:

It had got normal very quickly, spending time at Heero's. Officially, I was staying at the Embassy with the guys; in reality, I was at Heero's whenever he was free and pretty much every night. Breakfast had become one of the high points of the day; it was warm enough to eat outside, and his little garden faced south, and had a small table and chairs in one corner.

I sneaked a bit of salami off my plate, held it under the table for Honey.

'I wish you wouldn't feed her treats,' he complained. 'I've spent over a year training her not to beg at the table.'

'You're mean.'

He gave my braid a little tug. 'You're corrupting my dog.'

'I'm spoiling your dog,' I corrected, filching a bit of cheese off his plate and dropping it into Honey's waiting jaws. Incredible that I'd been nervous around her, once. She was a marshmallow when you got to know her. 'Totally different thing.'

'I'd still prefer you not to do it. And you'll be sorry when she starts pestering you.'

'Whatevs,' I said carelessly, stroking the top of her velvety head. 'Poor Honey-bunny. You'd never pester me, would you? You're way too good to do that.'

She whined softly in agreement, got herself a slice of pastrami, neatly snagged by me from her master's breakfast.

'Oh, fine.' He moved his plate out of range. 'But you can deal with her when she's climbing all over you to get to the table.'

'Dogs need affection,' I argued back, but he wasn't paying attention because his cell had beeped, signalling an incoming text. 'Work?' Well, of course it was. It always was.

He looked up from his phone. 'I was going to go to HQ this afternoon anyway for a couple of hours. You knew that. I'll just have to go in a little earlier than planned. Do you want to stay here or go back to the embassy?'

'Embassy, I guess. I told Zechs I'd go with him to his hospital appointment; by the time we get back, 'Fei should be back from the shuttle port with Trowa. I thought maybe you'd be coming with me to see him. You really need to work on the whole work/life balance, you know.'

'I will. I promise. It's just everything's insane at the moment. Not just Preventers. That part of it will calm down in a while, but I do have a legal practise that I've totally neglected for weeks, and that's my livelihood.'

That last comment was – kind of a surprise. I knew he loved his job, that it was a passion for him, but it hadn't actually occurred to me that he needed the money. 'Whatever happened to the magic bank accounts? You can't have gone through all those.'

He grinned suddenly; I'd always called them that. Some of the accounts had been set up by J, as mission funds. Some he'd set up himself, with money hacked from OZ.

'Pretty much. College tuition, and this house, and setting up a business.' His expression changed, just a little. 'I don't exactly make a fortune, Duo. I won't be able to buy you a Lambourghini.'

'Lucky I've already got one then,' I teased, and then realised he wasn't entirely joking about all of this. 'Hey, it's not like I expect you to support me or anything,' I said, nettled. 'I've got a job. I don't expect to be your kept man.'

OK, I – sort of had, after the war, but we'd lived mostly off the bank accounts so it didn't really count.

'I know, sorry. I meant to ask, about your job. They don't mind you taking so much time off?'

I shook my head. 'It's not like I've got regular nine-to-five hours, you know. I just work part-time from home. I've got a couple of ongoing projects but there's no hurry and I've been doing a little bit in the evenings anyway.'

It all sounded very self-indulgent, suddenly, compared to Heero running around making a living. Yeah, I did enjoy my work, but I was picky about the jobs I took on; they had to interest me, so I mostly designed customised shuttles for the sort of people who could afford their own personal space transport. It had never been remotely about making money because I'd never needed to. Zechs had always laughed off my offers to contribute toward house expenses, and I'd just stopped bothering after a while, so essentially my job wasn't much more than a hobby which kept my bank account topped up.

Heero turned my hand over, pressed his lips to my palm, and then his phone vibrated again and he let me go. 'Damn. I'm not going to have time to drive you back? Do you want me to get the embassy to send someone to collect you, or call a Preventers driver?'

'I can get the bus.' I suggested, knowing exactly how he'd react to that idea.

He bit one of my fingers, not entirely gently. 'Wufei and Zechs would scalp me if I let you run around on public transport by yourself.'

'It's getting seriously old, you know. All this over-protectiveness.' I tried to sound grouchy; it wasn't easy since he'd sucked my finger into his mouth and his tongue was treating it like an ice cream.

'Poor Duo. You'll only have to put with it for, oh, the next decade or so maybe. Then we might even let you take a taxi. With a couple of guards, naturally. And a pre-approved driver. And air support.'

'Sod off, you.' I put my arms around his neck anyway, leaning in for a kiss. 'Can you come and have dinner at the embassy with us?'

He considered. 'I'll try; it depends on what time I finish up at work. Can you come back here later?'

'Dunno,' I teased, peeking up though my lashes. 'You planning to give me any incentives?'

'Maybe you'd better ….come and find out.'

I groaned, obligingly. 'I think I actually liked you better before you discovered sexually-related puns.

'Message received. I'd like you to come back here after dinner.' He hesitated. 'I'd like you to be here all the time.'

'Well, I am, a lot of it,' I hedged. 'And it's not like here you're actually here all day.' OK, that sounded ….a little more defensive than I'd been aiming for. 'I'd just be rattling around by myself.'

'All right. Tell Trowa I'll see him at dinner.'

'No message for Quat?'

'You know he's not coming.'

'Might,' I muttered. 'Could be a surprise.'

'He's not, Duo.' He looked down at his plate and then back up at me.

'What?' Just say it.'

'Trowa told you they broke up.'

'Trowa told me they broke up ages ago, back in April, when he first came to stay with us,' I retorted, 'and he never stopped thinking about Quat for one second since then. And, come on, he escaped from Preventers and stole their top shuttle, and took off to save Quat. Of course, they haven't broken up.'

'He seemed very definite, the last time I spoke to him.'

'Look, I get Tro's pissed at all the stupid shit Quat pulled. I totally understand that. Anyone would be. And, yeah, I get that it's probably going to take time for them to get back together. That's natural. But there's no freaking way Tro would have stayed on L4 this long – seriously, three weeks, nearly – if they weren't trying to work it all out. No way, Heero.'

'Maybe you're right,' he said, not sounding too convinced.

'Sure, I'm right.' I said it with a certainty I didn't – quite – feel. 'They probably need a bit of space. Some time to work stuff out. They're just … taking it slowly. It doesn't mean anything.'

'Is that what you want, Duo?'

'Is that what I want what?'

'For us to take things slowly.'

His eyes were very intent, very blue. So many blue things in the world; the Mozambique channel; glaciers, when the sun hits them just so; lakes in Northern India. So many words for blue; halcyon, cerulean, cobalt, azure. None of them quite the right shade, the right description.

Heero blue.

'I don't know.' Like this, in his sun-splashed garden, with the heavy weight of his dog on my feet, and that burnished blue gaze on me, I wanted nothing more than to stay with him forever. But I had a job, and a life, and a home, and friends, and a car, all on the other side of the world.

When I wasn't actually with him, reality tended to ooze into my brain.

We hadn't talked much about it in the past few weeks. We'd talked a lot about other stuff. Kind of superficial in some ways; books and movies and holidays and food and friends. All stuff that had happened to us in the years we hadn't been together, and needed to catch up on.

Not much about the future though, apart from those couple of hours in the hotel, when I'd pretty much proposed to him. We hadn't talked about that either.

'I'm not asking you to give me a definite commitment, love; nothing like that. But we are… all right?'

'Very all right.' I laced my fingers with his. 'Honest. I just don't really know what's going on with anything at the moment. I mean, you're stuck at Preventers 'til all this blows over and Une actually lets you resign, and Zechsy's still not in great shape, and I don't know how long Tro's planning to stay here, or what's going on with him and Quat, and there are the kids to think about. Shit. I don't even have a clue what's going on there. Those people who just came out of the woodwork and say they're their grandparents and they want to adopt them.'

OK, that was a whole other can of worms, one that I hadn't even gone near. Turned out the kids' grandparents – or people claiming to be their grandparents, for whatever reason – had been trying to find the kids for a couple of years. There'd been a row after the mom had remarried, not long after their son's death, and little contact, and ever since her death, they'd lost touch completely, although they'd apparently tried to find them a few times. The kids' names had been entered on a global register of missing persons and the names had flagged when they'd arrived back on Earth.

'You know,' he said carefully, 'it's usually better for children to stay with family members.'

'Usually, yeah. But the kids don't know them; I mean, the girls don't really remember ever meeting them. They were too young when they moved to L4. And maybe they're good people and all, but they're probably expecting cutesy little kids and they are great, but they've got serious issues. I mean, Lily hardly talks and Gemma lives in this little fantasy world with sparkly unicorns and princesses, and Nat, shit. God knows what happened to him on the streets, what guys did to him, and he saw his best friend get shot in front of him a few weeks ago. They're not exactly got to merge in with some happy family in the suburbs, you know?'

'Right.' He gave me a kiss on the cheek and let me go, suddenly all professional. 'Do you want to fight for custody?'

'Would I have a hope?' OK, scratch that. No court in the world would ever give me that much. 'Shit, Heero, I've still this stupid court case Quat dragged me into to deal with.'

He gave the last roll of bread on his plate a vicious glare. 'Clearing you is nothing more than a ridiculous formality, at this stage. You shouldn't have to appear in court even. If you want guardianship of the children, I would find you an excellent family lawyer.'

'Not you?'

He shook his head. 'You'd need a specialist. I can recommend some people. It's up to you, if you decide that's what you want to do.'

I fiddled with the end of my braid. 'I wouldn't have a prayer, would I? Be honest.'

His sigh came right up from his toes. 'It would be difficult, but nothing's impossible. I know how fond of them you are, but do you, really, want to take on that sort of responsibility?'

'I don't actually know. I mean, at the start they were just these street kids and they didn't have anyone, and yeah, of course, I was going to look after them when they had no one else. I guess it's different now.'

'If you do decide you want custody, there's actually a decent chance. They're currently wards of the Sanque government; if you had the court case in Sanque, you'd have Zechs and Relena to speak on your behalf. I can't imagine any Sanque court would favour an unknown couple over a close personal friend of their ruling family.'

'Yeah. I don't…I don't want to do it like that. Have the kids' futures decided just because I know the right people. Hell, I don't even know if I'd be any good at looking after them.'

'You've been very good so far. Duo, if it's what you want, fine. But custody battles are hardest on the children, and they've been through a lot. You need to be very sure that it's what you want.'

I picked up a crust of bread I'd left on my plate, started making bread crumbs. 'What do you think I should do? As a lawyer?'

'I think you should wait until you meet the grandparents, and decide after that. If they're unsuitable in some way, we'll think about other options. OK?'

'OK. I guess that makes sense. I just feel responsible, you know.'

'I know.' He pressed a kiss to my cheek. 'I should probably mention that Honey loves children.'

'To eat?' I joked.

'No, just to be around. I don't know if that's any sort of factor in what you decide, and I know we'd need a bigger house.'

I just looked at him. God, he'd always been able to take my breath away. 'You seriously would be OK with me having three kids in tow?'

'As many as you want. I've told you that. Although three is probably enough to start,' he added hastily.

I nodded. 'Yeah. Totally. Um, there was one other thing. I think we need to look for a therapist for Nat. He needs to talk to someone. Someone professional. He's just pretending none of it ever happened. I know… I know that's not the best way to deal with stuff.' I swallowed, hating what I had to say next. 'And someone to maybe talk to Gemma as well.'

He gave me a long look. 'I did wonder about Lily actually.'

'Nah, I don't think so. She's quiet, but she's been through a hell of a lot. She seems pretty cool with new people, even when she's just met them, even if she doesn't talk very much. Gemma's scared of strangers. And she's just – disassociated from reality.'

He squeezed my hand gently. 'Nat said he tried to keep them safe.'

'Nat wasn't always there though, was he? He can't have been. I don't know, I hope to God I'm wrong about her, but I think it would be good for her to see someone, anyway.'

'We'll find the right person,' he promised. 'I have a friend who works at the ESUN, in child protection. I can ask her.'

'That'd be great.' I grinned at him. 'All these friends, 'Ro. What happened to Mr. Anti-Social?'

'Most of them are people I met through work. I'll introduce you to Daniella. You'll like her, I think, and she'll be the perfect person to help with the children.' He hesitated, stroking gentle fingertips up my arm. 'If you did decide to stay on here, Daniella runs a support group for children who've been abused. She's always looking for volunteers to help out. You could do something like that.'

'Me? I wouldn't know how to do anything like that. And I don't think I'd want to. It'd be too like reliving stuff. You know.'

'But it would be helping young children not to relive theirs,' he said softly.

Just like that, I knew that this – us – was going to work.

'Thank you.' What started off a kiss on his mouth turned into a bit more and ended with me on his lap and both of us wrapped around each other. 'You're amazing,' I said breathlessly. 'Have I ever told you that?'

'Once or twice. What was that for?'

'You.' I kissed him again. 'Pushing me into something you think I can do. Having faith in me. You used to do it during the war, all the time.'

It was pretty pathetic, really, but it had meant so much, back then, having someone who believed in me; believed in what I could do.

'And then, after the War – you stopped. It was my fault,' I added hastily. 'I know that. I fell apart and I made you be the strong one, to scrape up the pieces. But it's – really nice, feeling like I'm your partner again. Equal, you know.'

'You were always my partner,' he said implacably. 'Always, Duo.'

'Don't.' I put one finger over his lips. 'Heero, please. Just let me say it this once, OK? I was totally messed up and you got stuck with taking care of me, and that wasn't fair on you. I know about all the stuff you did, even if I pretended I didn't. I know Une made you take on all kinds of killer missions in exchange for keeping me out of trouble with the cops. I knew all that and I let you go ahead and do it anyway.'

'It was my job. To look after you.'

'You shouldn't have had to do all that shit. No,' I shook my head at him. 'I need to say this. Just listen. You were everything to me. Not just the centre of my universe; you were the whole universe. And I'm scared, I'm fucking scared that if I move back here, with you, it'll happen all over again.'

There, that was honesty, with a vengeance.

'You're not that boy anymore,' he said softly. 'We've talked about this. You have a career; friends; hobbies. A life. I won't be everything for you this time, but I'd like us to share what we have.'

I sighed. ''Ro, here's the thing. You've got this life here. A job and Preventers and friends and a house and your own routine. I don't just want to slot into whatever free time you've got available, whenever you're not working or doing whatever it is that you do all day.'

'But I don't want that either,' he sounded shocked at the idea of it. 'I want you to be my partner, to be part of my life. Not just – an extra-curricular activity for when I'm free. I want you to be involved in everything I do.'

I pressed a little kiss to his jaw. 'Heero, if I lived here, what would I do all day?'

At sixteen, I'd been blithely prepared to follow him anywhere – Tokyo, Oxford, Harvard – with never a thought of what I'd actually do with myself while he was studying. 'I mean, I don't even speak Italian.'

'Most people speak English, and you're good at languages.' He looked at me, all shining, shimmering blue, ecstatic that I was even considering that much. 'You have a job. You presumably spend a lot of time doing that. I can rearrange my routine so we have time together. We could do things when we're both free. There are so many beautiful places around Florence. We'd just be together. Does any of that sound appealing?'

'Yeah! Totally. I just don't want to be hanging around by myself while you're off working.'

'Duo,' he had one hand tightly clenched around my braid. 'You're right. Neither of us is exactly in the best place to make those sorts of decisions right now. I just want you to know there are options. I don't expect you to throw your whole life over and come here. I know you have a home, and I know what Zechs and Wufei mean to you. I can take the North American bar exams if you'd prefer to stay in Canada. Or we can go somewhere entirely new. Just think about it, all right?'

'OK.' I nodded, and tucked my head into his shoulder. I could stay here for ever, no problem, with Heero's arms around me, and one of Honey's paws gently scraping my ankle.

Of course, it couldn't last. His bloody phone started beeping and vibrating, and before we left, he agreed to come to dinner at eight – regardless of terrorists or dictators or massive natural disasters – and I agreed to come back and spend the night here.

On the way back to the embassy, I thought how easy it would make everything if Zechs and Wufei decided they wanted to come and live in Italy. Easy peasy. And Tro and Quat, for good measure….