LIFE WITH THE PONDS IS LIKE THIS

THE BIG BABY

Amy was hosting a baby shower for one of her travel writer friends. Alison McCarthy was due to have her baby in the coming weeks and had become a good friend of Amy's after collaborating on several articles together. Alison had been round the Pond's house before and knew Amy and Rory well – Rory was working though and wasn't around. For Amy, this meant it was her, Alison, some other friends and the Doctor who were in the house. She wasn't so keen on the last name on that list however.
"Is that strange man still living with you?" asked Marina, one of the other guests, in reference to the Doctor.
"Yeah, but he's calmed down, he's mellowed a lot since then." said Amy.
"Oh, what happened?" inquired Alison as she held her baby bump proudly.
"He literally climbed up the wall and onto the ceiling." said Marina.
"In a suit made of Velcro…" added Amy as if the context made it sound more normal. Alison hadn't met the Doctor yet, he'd always been ushered into the TARDIS when she'd popped round, so she was slightly apprehensive about meeting him now. Amy guided everyone into the living room where the baby shower was taking place; there were pink banners everywhere and a lovely assortment of snacks and drinks on show. "Make yourself feel comfortable." said Amy as everyone got to their seats. Just then, the Doctor, in his tweed jacket, came into the room with a tray of more drinks. He also had a baby's dummy in his mouth. Marina gave a funny look to Amy.
"Mhdhfugofgodfh jofhjsojdo," said the Doctor with the dummy still in his mouth. He then beamed a wide smile.
"What did he say?" asked Alison to Amy. Amy just shook her head. It was barely minutes into the baby shower but she was already feeling embarrassed. The Doctor then tried to speak again. "Mhdhfugofgodfh jofhjsojdo." he said but no-one was any the wiser. The Doctor then spat out the dummy which hit Marina in the face.
"Oh god, Marina are you ok?" asked Amy to her friend.
"It was only a dummy!" said the Doctor. "And look I've brought you more drinks. I thought I was perfectly understandable."
"You weren't…" retorted Amy as she took the tray from the Doctor. She leaned in close to him. "Please just be normal," she whispered. "Please raggedy man, pretty please."
"Ok Pond," agreed the Doctor. "Oh," he began in a whisper to Amy. "Does that lady know she's got a really big belly?" he then asked in reference to Alison.
"She's having a baby!" said Amy sternly but everyone heard her. The Doctor just looked awkwardly at everyone.
"Congratulations." he eventually said to Alison.
"Why thank you…" she replied. "Do you have any children yourself Mr er…?"
"Doctor," filled in the time lord. "Well, if you count Amy and Rory as my children because I do look after them no end."
"He doesn't by the way!" interjected Amy.
"Oh I think I do!" smiled the Doctor. "Then if you do count the Ponds as children for me, I'm a very happy dad. The thing is Amy has tried to kiss me before and I've kissed Rory before, so it's a weird father-child relationship when you think about it, isn't it?" he continued in a manner that had made everyone listening lose track of what he was saying. Amy just stood next to him awkwardly before slowly ushering him out of sight.
"Just be normal!" Amy whispered once more before closing the door on the Doctor.

Amy's baby shower was proving to be a success, even if the Doctor had made things awkward early on. Things had been going well and everyone was enjoying what Amy had laid on for them. However, despite this Amy was wondering what the Doctor was up to. She hadn't heard him for ages now. Where was he? Had he gone to see Rory at the hospital? He had gone for a nap? Had he tried to hide in the fridge again? They were all possibilities but Amy needn't have worried as suddenly the Doctor popped back into the living room…dressed as a baby.
"I thought I'd get into the spirit of things!" he declared loudly before jumping onto the sofa next to Marina. The bounce the Doctor produced spilled Marina's drink all down her blouse.
"Amy! I thought you said he'd mellowed!" stropped Marina.
"He has," said Amy. "This is quite mellow for him really." she added as she looked at the Doctor who was dressed in an adult-size baby nappy with a blue bonnet on top of his hair. He smiled madly at everyone, but no-one smiled back at him.
"So…how were things then?" the time lord asked. "Come on, it's not like you've never seen a man dressed as a baby before, have you?"
"I've not…" said Marina. "Why would anyone want to see that? For god's sake Amy, just get rid of him."
"Doctor…" said Amy in her best soothing voice. "I think it would be best if you left."
"Left? Oh, it took me ages to find one of these my size!" he said in reference to the bonnet. "I was going to stich my name onto it as well."
"Why are you called the Doctor anyway?" Alison then asked. "You don't work with Rory, do you?"
"To be frank Alison, it's a long story. I could have been Humphrey or heaven forbid Derek."
"My husband is called Derek." cut in Alison. The Doctor paused.
"Ah, now when I mean Derek. I didn't mean it like that."
"Well what did you mean?"
"Doctor…" said Amy once more. "Please."
"Do you know what, I think I'll go." he said before heading to the door. As he slammed it shut, it caught on the nappy he was wearing and tore it off. Everyone gasped in embarrassment as the Doctor open the door slightly, picked up what was his and went on his way. Amy was just left in shock. Things had been going so well, too well. And then the Doctor was himself…

About an hour later, the baby shower was over and Amy just lounged on the sofa in relief. Despite the Doctor's oddness, it made the day memorable and Alison had quite enjoyed everything. Her presents from everyone had made her day and she'd given a wide smile as she left. Amy was smiling too. Things were never straightforward with the Doctor living with her and Rory and this day just typified it.
"Oh raggedy man…" she sighed. "You're weird but I'd miss it if you weren't here."
"Oh, that's good to know!" the Doctor's voice then cried as he popped his head into the living room. He was still dressed in his baby attire, thankfully now with the nappy back on, and it made Amy laugh.
"Isn't it cold being dressed like that?" she asked.
"I imagine so." said the Doctor. "I never showed everyone my rattle." he added as he showed Amy a rattle that looked just like the Doctor's sonic screwdriver.
"That's not sonic is it?"
"Nah, course not!" laughed the time lord. "Now that would be daft."
"You do know you're weird, don't you?" Amy then asked despite already knowing the answer.
"You've never stopped saying as much." he answered simply. "I try my best Pond, I do try to be normal but I just can't. This…face can't do it. I make life memorable though I'll admit."
"Oh, that can't be denied Doctor!" smiled Amy as she put an arm round the Doctor. The time lord smiled back as he and Amy chatted about life at home and life in space until Rory came back home…