The Marauders: Book 1 Chapter 2- The Giant Squid is a Real Life thing and Sorting for Sirius Black does Not Go as Planned

From the very first time Hagrid heard these kids scream bloody murder, he knew they were going to be this years' troublemakers.

After Remus, Peter, Sirius, and James leapt off of the train, trunks in their hands, grins on their faces, and, in James' case, a chocolate frog peeping out from inside his messy black hair. Sirius and James were still struggling to figure out how to tie their ties when they all heard a loud, booming voice shout "Firs'-years! Firs'-years over here!" The four turned around in unison to see a giant man with a large bushy beard and large black eyes.

Peter went slack-jawed and hid behind James. Remus stood perfectly still and stared at the half-giant in disbelief. James' mouth opened into a wide grin when he recognized Hagrid's warm smile from his father's fond stories. Sirius shrieked in pure terror and leaped into James' arms, causing everyone (James included) to send him questioning looks.

"Yes, you four 's well." Hagrid pointed out, gesturing for the young Marauders to join the rest of the first years on their trek to the boats. Remus and Peter shyly shuffled towards him, and James confidently strode to catch up with them, when he realized that Sirius was still frozen in place. He groaned and dragged the stuttering Sirius up to join the rest of the group.

"Are you Hagrid?" James asked, after managing to make his way through all the other first years to the front of the mob in order to walk beside Hagrid.

"Sure am." The half-giant replied, sending them a welcoming smile.

"My dad told me about you." James said, still dragging a frozen-with-fear Sirius behind him. "Fleamont Potter. He was here like 40ish years ago, very mischievous." He flashed Hagrid a devilish grin.

Hagrid groaned, remembering all too well the mischief of a certain Fleamont Potter, and then turned away to answer some other pestering first year's question.

James turned to his new found friends. "That's Hagrid." He explained. Remus nodded, still trying to take it all in, Peter's mouth had not yet returned to its un-slack position and now was doing a fairly professional job of showing off his three chins, and Sirius just stared at James in disbelief.

"That's a giant." He said.

James nodded. "Indeed. Well, half-giant actually I think."
"That's a giant." Sirius repeated, still dazed.

A frown crossed its way across James' face, as was typical when he felt like he was being ignored. "Half-giant." He re-insinuated.

Sirius blinked several times, staring blankly at Hagrid like he had never seen anything so strange in his life. "You know, he's really a nice guy." James pointed out defensively.

"That's a giant." Sirius repeated, and he did not stop with the whole staring-into-space-and-repeating-himself-stuff until the four of them were safely in a boat rowing itself across the black lake.

The thick layer of fog that had been persistent in England nearly all summer dispersed to reveal the glittering Hogwarts castle.

"WHOA." The Marauders shouted in unison, staring at the castle with wonder and awe.

"It's huge!" Peter exclaimed.

"You could say that again." Proclaimed Remus.

"It's huge!" Peter repeated, clearly not understanding the concept of a non-literal statement. Sirius examined his friends' huge grins, rolled his eyes, and looking down into the black lake in boredom. For a split second, he could swear he saw tentacles in the murky, opaque water, and the second he did, a brilliant idea started to formulate in Sirius Black's mind.

"You guys ever heard of the giant squid?"

Remus and Peter both shook their heads, but James sent him a knowing and sneaky smile. "I heard that he doesn't let boats cross unless someone gets sacrificed to him."

"Not permanently of course, just like… temporarily jumps in the lake." Sirius continued, pleased that James was so fast to catch on.

"But my dad told me if someone doesn't jump in, the squid'll eat everyone." James had officially transitioned into a creepy, ghost-story voice at this point, and Sirius nodded in agreement.

"Same with my cousins, and my parents, and nearly everyone else in my family. Apparently it's a pretty big deal. I'm surprised Hagrid hasn't already made the announcement."

"Maybe he did and we just didn't hear it." Suggested James.

By this point, Remus was pretty well aware that this whole thing was a bluff, but that didn't stop him from cracking a smile at the boys as they continued to tell their giant squid theories. Peter on the other hand looked like he was about to wet himself with fear.

"You know, I heard he's the Animagus of Godric Gryffindor." Sirius mused.

"Oh yeah!" James shouted, beginning to get excited. "And whoever jumps in will get 500 house points, from Godric himself."

Sirius nodded, then paused, as if trying to remember something. "It's either that or it's the Animagus of Salazar Slytherin and whoever jumps in dies a very painful death."

At this point though, it had gotten so unreasonable that Remus had to intervene. "Wouldn't the Animagus of Salazar Slytherin be a snake?"

Sirius scoffed. "With that logic, the Animagus of Godric Gryffindor might as well be a lion."

Remus snorted. "Yeah, cause that's really insensible." He pointed out sarcastically.

"Either way, I think one of us should jump into the lake." James mused, looking over at his three friends mischievously.

Sirius nodded in agreement. "It can't be me though. There are books down there, I'm allergic to books."

James rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well my hair gets messed up when it's wet."

Sirius made a sound like a balloon rapidly losing air. "I highly doubt that it's possible for your hair to get even more messed up than it already is." He asked, raising an uncertain eyebrow.

"Well I can't do it." Remus stated plainly.

"Why not?" The two partners-in-crime protested.

"Because I'm allergic to water." Remus lied plainly, looking back at the castle.

James and Sirius struggled to hide their snickers, but Peter seemed to be having a melodramatic moment as he soaked it all in. "So if Sirius or Remus jumps in, they'll have allergic reactions, and if James jumps in his hair will have issues." He murmured, as if carefully trying to calculate a math equation in his head.

"Oh, my hair won't just have issues, it will be permanently dead." James said, just for the sake of increasing the drama.

Peter nodded like he was building up the courage to do something stupid, and before Remus had a chance to reach out and grab him, James had a chance to shout out 'just kidding!' or Sirius even had a chance to let out one single laugh, he turned and dived into the lake.

They all sat there for a few seconds, staring at the black water in complete shock and disbelief, and, when after several seconds, absolutely nothing happened, started to freak out.

"Can he swim?"

"Did he actually believe us?"

"Did we kill him?!"

"What if the giant squid ate him?"

"Wait. There actually is a giant squid?"

"Oh my bloody hell we've killed him!" Shouted Sirius, starting to have a mental breakdown.

Sirius and Remus stared at the water in horror for a prolonged period of time, when James threw off his robe, muttered something about already having a bad hair day, and jumped in after Peter. By now, students in the other boats were starting to stare. When neither James nor Peter had resurfaced, Sirius and Remus followed their two friends and plunged into the icy cold lake.

For a second, all went black for the four 11 year-olds, and then, one by one, the Giant Squid lifted them out from the depths of the lake and plopped them back down on the boat. First came Sirius, who screamed bloody murder so loud people in Singapore could hear. Then came Remus, who stood in the boat, convulsing with shock and petrified with disbelief. Next came James, who landed face first and gave a giant thumbs up so as to say 'that was thoroughly awesome.' Finally came Peter, whose weight tipped the boat over.

All four boys laughed uncontrollably as they tried to flip their boat right-side-up again. Once they finally succeeded, the rather miffed boat continued rowing them to Hogwarts, occasionally splashing James and Sirius with freezing bursts of icy water.

They arrived at the front steps slightly later than the other students, and were all sopping wet, with their robes plastered to their bodies, their hair plastered to their foreheads, and huge smirks plastered to their faces.

James grinned cockily at all the heads that turned to see what four morons had managed to land in the lake this time, while Peter looking around nervously, his lower lip trembling from the cold, Sirius's screams of before had turned into laughter by now, but it was still just as deafening and incessant. Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose, a huge migraine was making his head spin a million kilometers per hour.

"Maybe I really am allergic to water…" He thought to himself. "Either that or I'm getting close." He made a mental note to put up his calendar the instant he got into the dormitories and check it.

Hagrid came up behind the four of them, startling them all and causing Sirius and Peter to nearly wet themselves. "Yeh four." He exclaimed when he saw them. "Yer's seriously lucky the giant squid and I are on good terms or yeh might've 'een fish fodder." They all thanked him graciously, Peter even vowing to forever praise the ground that he walked on. Hagrid winked at them before walking up the steps to the castle.

Sirius sent his other three, sopping-wet friends a look. "We're Siriusly lucky?"

Remus swatted him upside the head.

Laughing, James flipped his hair out from behind his glasses (he was right, water did not do that hair any miracles) and Sirius shook like a wet dog, splattering several other students beside him. A flash of red in his peripheral vision however caught James' eye and he staggered over to the girl he had seen on the train.

"Hi," he said, winking at her and giving a wave that would've seemed smooth and seductive if James' fingers hadn't still be wet and splashed everyone to the left and right of him. Lily wrinkled her nose in dislike. "I don't think we've ever formally introduced." James said. "I'm James Potter."

Lily stuck out her hand ('as a formality, and nothing more' she promised herself). "Lily Evans." Then, to her utter and upmost disgust, James took her hand and, instead of shaking it like a normal person would do, he kissed it.

Lily could've smacked him. In fact, she probably would've, if the doors to the castle hadn't opened and a stern looking woman with square spectacles hadn't stepped out and ordered them all to be quiet. Focused entirely on this woman now, Lily gave James a silent push, and he zipped back to his friends to listen to McGonagall's speech.

"Students!" She proclaimed.

"Teacher!" Sirius shouted back, but he quickly shut up after a stern look McGonagall sent him.

McGonagall cleared her throat and continued. "Welcome to Hogwarts, if you'll follow me please…" She started into the corridor the huge mob of first years followed her in, James and Sirius, chattering amiably about who knows what, bringing up the rear.

They were led through the majestic castle, past the Great Hall, and into a small chamber, squeezing in to listen to the rest of the introduction.

"Welcome to Hogwarts." McGonagall declared. "You will soon join the rest of the students in the Great Hall for our start of term feast, but first, you must be sorted into your houses. The sorting ceremony is of great importance, because while you're here, your house will be like your family. Each year, the House Cup is awarded to the house with the most points. Any successes you have will earn points, any troublemaking," she seemed to be looking directly at the four Marauders as she spoke her next four words, "will lose your house points. The four houses are Gryffindor," Sirius and James shared a high-five, "Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. The sorting ceremony will begin in a moment. In the meantime, I suggest you dry yoursel- I mean, smarten yourselves up." She said, shooting the Marauders another look. James and Sirius just grinned cheekily back at her.

Once McGonagall left, it didn't take the four of them long to start talking again.

"Sorting ceremony, huh? What do you think they base it off of?" Peter asked.

Sirius shrugged. "I dunno. My parents say it doesn't matter just so long as I get into Slytherin, so I've gotten no help on that front, my cousins on the other hand-"

"You'd better not!" James interjected angrily. "Be in Slytherin, I mean. You'd better be in Gryffindor."

Sirius grinned. "Why, dear Potter? Are you terrified at the thought of me being your enemy?" He asked, raising a taunting eyebrow.

James laughed and rolled his eyes. "You wish. I just think it'll be a lot easier to carry out everything we've planned if we're in the same dorm."

"Aw, I was starting to think I was someone special." Sirius pouted.

"You don't think they'll make us do anything, right?" Peter inquired, still shivering from his little misadventure in the lake.

"Completely no idea. Andromeda says you just put on a hat, but Narcissa says they take blood samples and test you based on your heritage, and Bella said… what'd Bella say?"

"My dad says you have to do this really complicated transfiguration-charm-thing."

"My uncle said that everyone has told me that you have to see how many toasters you can light on fire in one minute."

"My mum swears it's something super dangerous and hard."

"Oh yeah! Bella said you have to fight off a real-life werewolf!" Sirius exclaimed, rubbing his hands together excitedly.

Peter let out a mortified scream, James laughed in disbelief, and Remus felt as though someone had just taken a large, red-hot, iron stake and branded him with it.

"I doubt they'll make anyone fight off a werewolf." Remus said coolly. "Besides, it's not even a full moon tonight." 'And I would know…' He thought to himself.

Sirius looked up at tiny sliver of white in disappointment. "Oh, yeah." He muttered. "Darnit."

Remus shook his head darkly, but all his friends were too busy coming up with ridiculous sorting scenarios to notice.

"What if they make us bring back dinosaurs?"

"And ride them!"

"Or what if we're supposed to invent our own spell or something?"

"Mates, what if it's just something stupid like a personality test or something?"

"No, it's gonna be something that actually shows skill, like fighting off a werewolf."

"Or what if-?" But Peter was unable to continue his theory for at that moment, the doors to the Great Hall swung open and the first years walked in, staring at the bewitched sky in awe.

Sirius could clearly see the four unique tables, and the different houses they stood for. On one side of the Great Hall were the Gryffindors, a rowdy, excitable, brave bunch that he was sure he'd feel much more at home with. On the complete other side were the Slytherins, the house that his parents were sorted into, and their parents before them, and their parents before them, and all his aunts and uncles and cousins and great-cousins and familial members he wasn't even sure how he was related to or why he remembered them, but it was as if the memories of a million Blacks flooded through him at that moment.

McGonagall was at the front of the hall, where the teachers sat, standing beside a stool with a tattered black hat on top. "This is the Sorting Hat." She explained. "When it is placed on your head, it will tell you where you belong. This house will be your family for the next seven years, so I suggest you don't make yourself look like an idiot in front of them on the first day." James and Sirius scratched the back of their necks and exchanged a guilty grin.

"Abbott, Michelle." McGonagall called. A girl with long braids and a nervous look on her face went up and sat on the stool. McGonagall placed the sorting hat on her head.

"Ravenclaw!" It cried out after a few seconds of contemplation.

"Anderson, Victor."

"Hufflepuff!"

"Atkins, Beatrice."

"Hufflepuff!"

"Brooks, Natalie."

"Slytherin!"

"Black, Sirius."

Sirius felt a jolt go up his spine as if he had just been struck with a billion bolts of lightning. He walked up to the stool, trying to seem as cool, calm, and collected as possible. "Whatever happens, happens." He tried to reassure himself, but that made it seem like the whole situation was entirely out of control, which only made the young Black feel more sick to his stomach. He sat down on the stool, limbs shaking with anxiety.

"Interesting…" The Sorting Hat whispered in his ear. "Very interesting."

"Yeah. I know. I have a lot of disturbing stuff up there." Sirius replied, probably a bit louder than he should've, for several students in the first row snickered, but he was too busy caught up in the Sorting Hat's decision to notice.

"You could, very easily, be in Slytherin, you know." Sirius thought about what he said, and couldn't help but shake his head. "But I take it that that is not what you desire. What do you want out of Hogwarts, Mr. Black?"

The more Sirius thought it over, the more he realized James was right on two fronts. (1) This was just some stupid old personality test, and (2) All the prank planning the two of them had done on the train ride here, all the friends he had made, all the trouble he had gotten himself in for them already, it would really be a shame if they weren't all in Gryffindor together.

"Interesting indeed…" The Sorting Hat mused, almost as if he was reading Sirius's thoughts. "And I must admit, your willingness to defy what your family wants of you for what you want for yourself is neither kind, nor wise, but it is very, very brave."

"Gryffindor!" The Sorting Hat shouted, and Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. He pranced over to the Gryffindor table, sticking his tongue out at his shocked relatives over on the Slytherin side before plopping down on the table and turning to see the rest of the ceremony, a grin creeping across his face.

A bunch of other people were put into their respective houses that none of the Marauders had ever met before. Lily was sorted into Gryffindor, of course, and the second she saw Sirius she sniffed and turned away from him to start up a conversation with someone else.

Sirius rolled his eyes and groaned internally. "Of all the people in the whole school, James, and you had to choose this stuck-up prat?" He muttered to himself.

"Lupin, Remus."

Remus took a deep breath and climbed up to the stool. He was shuddering with fear of being rejected as McGonagall put the hat on his head.

"Intelligence." Was the first thing the hat said. "Diligence. But also… something else… am I getting…" He trailed off, and Remus became seriously worried that the hat would find out about his lycanthropy. What would happen if he did? Would he exclaim it to the whole school? Would he put Remus into a house that he'd never succeed in? Would he just refuse to sort him at all? "I am getting bravery, much bravery, in a time when you had noone to rely on but yourself. I am seeing that it took courage for you to make it through the last six years of your life, and especially to come here. You, Remus John Lupin, are one brave little fuzzball."

"Gryffindor!"

Remus could've collapsed with relief at that moment, but he managed to make it to the Gryffindor table and sit down next to Sirius (who clapped him on the back so hard he nearly hit the floor face-first). "Gryffindor…" Remus couldn't help but think with disbelief. "With Sirius and Lily and most likely James as well."

The sorting hat went through several more people before reaching the P's. Peter was called up the sorting hat seemed to have a difficult time trying to find a place for him, but, upon remembering what had happened in the lake, eventually decided on Gryffindor.

Finally, finally, finally, after what felt like a lifetime of waiting for the 11 year-old boy, Professor McGonagall called out "Potter, James."

James sped right up to the stool and sat down immediately, ready to get into his house and start partying with his friends ASAP. He had been eyeing the treacle tart for quite a while now, and simply could not wait to sink his teeth into it and-

"Hm." The Sorting Hat said, and James stopped his treacle tart fantasies and looked up at the hat sitting on top of his head in utter horror.

"What do you mean 'hm'?" James asked.

"Well, Mr. Potter, the issue is, I'm afraid you're not exactly a wizard."

James felt like dying right then and there. He was about to stand up, scream, throw the Sorting Hat out the window and sort himself into Gryffindor. The Sorting Hat, sensing the oncoming storm that was about to occur, dropped the act immediately.

"I was kidding, Mr. Potter. Your ancestors have pulled so many pranks at this school that I thought for once I would get one of you back. Go to your table and eat that treacle tart."

"Gryffindor!"

James stood up and flounced over to the Gryffindor table, sending the Sorting Hat one final glare before sitting down between Sirius and Remus and across from Lily and Peter.

"You looked terrified up there for a second." Sirius pointed out, observing the way James had managed to fit 20 treacle tarts onto his one tiny dessert plate.

James rolled his eyes and tried to talk with his mouthful, but, realizing he was in front of Lily, forced himself to wait until he swallowed. "The Sorting Hat was being a jerk and fooled me into thinking I wasn't a wizard, but he couldn't carry out the feint and gave in at the last second. I guess I was just too fabulous for him to handle."

Lily sent him a look of disgust, but Sirius let out a snort of laughter that sent pumpkin juice squirting out of his nose.

"Snape, Severus."

"Slytherin!" The sorting hat called out, barely even touching Severus' head.

Lily craned over James and Sirius' necks to send Severus an apologetic look.

"Evans, it's better that he's over there anyway." James assured.

"Yeah." Sirius agreed. "Maybe being near the potions classroom will give him a chance to finally get his hands on some shampoo."

James, Remus, and Peter snickered with laughter while Lily just turned away in disgust.

After a highly satisfying feast (in which James crammed down at least 30 treacle tarts, Sirius drank 17 jugs of pumpkin juice, Remus ate 92 bars of chocolate, and Peter simply devoured every other food that had been put in front of the Marauders), the houses were brought back up to their common rooms.

The Gryffindor Prefect, a 5th year with a perfectly polished badge, a pompous air to him and a strong desire to constantly remind students of the rules, explained the password 'Sticky Semblances', the rules of the common room (which Sirius and James chose right then and there to actively ignore every day for the rest of their Hogwarts careers), that the boys' dormitories were to the left, the girls' to the right, and that under no circumstances, was anyone to trade dorms or cross between the girls and boys hallway.

He droned on about a bunch of other stuff, but at this point, everyone was so tired that not even Lily or Remus bothered to listen. Finally, after what felt like a millenium to someone with as short of an attention span as James Potter, the Prefect explained that their trunks and all their possessions were already in their dormitories and that they were free to go upstairs and go to bed.

Much to their delight, all four Marauders were put in the same four four-poster dorm. Their stuff was already placed next to the bed they were 'supposed' to have, but, much to Remus and James' horror alike, Remus had the window bed next to Sirius, and it took about a millisecond for James and Remus to trade.

Peter looked around the room at his dorm-mates' possessions in disappointment. "Does noone have an owl?" He asked, starting to see a serious flaw in the communication system in Hogwarts.

Remus shook his head grimly as he started to unpack his neatly folded uniforms. "My parents don't trust me with pets." He said, forcing the (rather gruesome) memory of Asher, the family cat from four years ago, and how he was an especially curious cat who didn't like being kept out of the basement during full moons, out of his mind.

"Mine offered to buy me one, but I spent nearly all the money on quidditch gear." James pointed out, leaning back on his bed with a shrug.

"Mate, you can't even play until your second year." Sirius pointed out, lounging across his mattress and letting out a loud yawn.

"Meh. I think they'll make an exception when they see me."

"I don't think-"

"When they see me," James repeated forcefully, putting an end to the matter with him getting the last word. "What about you, Sirius? You don't have a pet either."

Sirius shrugged and let out another loud yawn. "My parents have this really pretty snowy owl that I've been obsessed with since age three, they told me that once I get into Slytherin I can just use that." He laughed. "Looks like that plan backfired."

"Yeah, sorry if you get disowned," James said in a tone that clearly stated 'I'm not sorry at all, I'm just really tired and had too much treacle tart, but I'm going to tell you I'm sorry because that's the nice, friendly thing to do.'

"Pssh," Sirius exclaimed, acting like it was no big deal. He turned over to face James and shot him a grin that he hoped would disguise his inner terror. He didn't want to show fear in front of his new friends, but he was terrified of what would happen when he returned home for the winter and summer holidays. "I have a feeling it'll be worth it."

Remus, who had already unpacked and neatly stored clothes and textbooks, then turned to a smaller trunk-within-a-trunk that he had carefully checked and rechecked before boarding the train. Inside was an extendable stick, a black cloak, a letter to Madam Pomfrey (again), 360 'Remus's mother is ill, please excuse him for the night' parent-signed notes, and a tattered, dirty, coffee-spilled calendar that acted as both a typical day calendar and a lunar warning system. He had struggled to avoid drawing a huge red circle around every full moon of the year, terrified that he might miss one, but Remus didn't want to let anyone find out, in case they went straight to their parents who complained to the Ministry, so he tried his best to be subtle about it. This wall calendar though was seriously starting to fall apart, and had several stab marks from when Remus had simply wanted to give up on life altogether and took it all out on this fragile little wall calendar.

"Do you guys mind if I put this up?" Remus asked nervously.

Peter raised an eyebrow. "No, by all means."

James looked at it suspiciously, making Remus's heart race faster than a dragon in the process. "What quidditch team is on there?" He asked.

"Qui- uh, no." Remus answered, taking few words to clear up his own confusion at the bluntness of James's question. "It's landscape stuff. But if you don't like landscape, that's fine, because its," he gestured to the month of September, which was originally meant to look like the beach but at faded and frayed and ripped so much that now it looked like a puddle surrounded by ashes. "It's not really… intact."

James nodded. "Yeah, Remus mate, you put that thing up if your heart desires. As long as it doesn't have the Chuddey Cannons on it, I'm all for calendars."

"Oi, what's wrong with the Chuddey Cannons?" Peter shot back, looking hurt, but James ignored him and continued talking to Remus.

"Sirius is the one who's allergic to reading though."

Upon hearing his name, Sirius lazily lifted his head up from the pillow and looked drowsily at Remus. When the dingy calendar he was holding came into clear view, Sirius gasped in horror and shook his head. "Uh-uh. No. Put that down." He shoved his hand in his bag, head shaking furiously. "Down, Remus, drop it."

Remus wasn't sure what to do. Sure, he could just hide the calendar and still look at it every night, but what if he got so caught up in homework that he forgot? What if he lost it, and then had no way to tell when it would be another full moon? Then he would transform when he was sleeping and bite his new friends and Dumbledore would kick him out of the school for sure and he'd go to Azkaban for life, and-

"I mean, do you like calendars?" Sirius asked, interjecting Remus's paranoid thoughts, his bag reached all the way up to his shoulder at this point.

Remus bit his lower lip and nodded hastily, trying not to let his anxiety be too evident, which was harder than it looked if someone had as much to be anxious about as Remus. "It's just- I kind of-" He stammered, trying to think of an excuse better than 'I need it to see full moons that way I don't kill you all in your sleep', which he figured was probably not the best thing to say to a room full of the boys he would be spending the next seven years with.

"Gosh Sirius you're such a prat!" James exclaimed, throwing a pillow at him.

"Ow!"

"Remus… R, J, Lupin." James said, looking at Lupin's trunk to get the middle initial. "If you want to have a calendar, then you can have a calendar. I will personally fight Black to give you the right to put a calendar up in this room."

Sirius snorted. "Fight me with what? Pillows?" Another pillow went soaring from James's bed to Sirius's, which resulted in a very loud shriek from the latter.

Remus felt a huge lump begin to form in the back of his throat. He sighed and tried again to develop an excuse, "It's not a major thing, I just kind of-"

"Ha! Ha!" Sirius shouted, pulling a large piece of wrapped cardboard from his bag and going from his bed to Remus's in one swift leap. "That thing is old. Plus, it only has dates and lunar cycles." Sirius pointed out. By now, a very interested James and Peter had crawled out of beds to see what exactly the commotion was about. "This little beauty on the other hand, I got for my birthday, and I haven't exactly gotten around to opening it yet because you know, been busy with stuff." Sirius continued with an impatient wave of his hand. He offered it to Remus, who felt the lump in his throat turn into something that tasted rather like hot chocolate. "I don't actually know what it is, but it's definitely got a lot of stuff, because it's big."

"You haven't unwrapped it and you got it for your birthday?" James asked with a snort. "Isn't your birthday in November?"

"Shut up, it's from my least favorite uncle, who knew that the mere mention of due dates terrified the crap out of me, so I never really had a reason to open it until dear Remus here started having… um…" He picked up Remus's old lunar calendar with two fingers and the entire month of March fell out from the binding. "Complications."

Remus was too fascinated in the huge, thick piece of cardboard that Sirius had just given him though to pay attention to Sirius's insulting of his old calendar. He carefully broke the seal and started to unwrap the wrapping where it had been taped. After a few seconds of awkward, uncharacteristic silence, he looked up at his friends to see what was wrong. All three of them were staring at him distastefully.

"What?" Asked Remus defensively.

"You have no idea how to unwrap a present, do you?" James asked, raising an unimpressed eyebrow.

"I- of course I know how to unwrap a present!" Remus exclaimed. "I am just savoring the moment."

Sirius, James, and Peter exchanged 'can-you-believe-this-guy' glances, before rolling up their sleeves and bouncing on Remus's bed. "Open now, savor later." Remus wanted to point out that that's not really how it worked, but before he really had the time to open his mouth the gift was unwrapped and all four Marauders were staring at it in wonder and awe.

This monthly wall calendar was huge, it had giant spaces, millions of things labeled: from holidays to random anniversaries to the birthdays of Black family members. Best of all (to Remus at least), each day marked with a full moon had a giant 3-D white circle swirling around, making it impossible to write over and impossible to miss. On top of that, it was so thick…

"How far does this thing go?" Remus asked, trying to flip to the very back.

Sirius shrugged. "It's 120 pages, I think, so 10 years, so… until we graduate I think."

James and Remus stared at Sirius for a very long time. "Sirius… we graduate in seven years…" James explained, looking at his friend warily.

Sirius looks affronted. "What?! I got this five years ago! I thought we only had to go through five years and then we were free from studying! Now we have to-"

Remus finally reached the end. "It's twelve years." He interrupted, feeling a strong waterfall of happiness wash over him. "It'll last us till we graduate."

"It's bewitched too." Sirius added. "I think he told me that if you have a due date coming up in the next 24 hours it'll flash red 10 times every hour, and then, if you still haven't erased it, will start following you to class screaming life quotes about procrastination and stuff." He shuddered. James and Peter backed away in horror.

Remus pinned the calendar up using magic and just stared at it with a huge grin spreading across his face. "It's amazing! Thank you." A combination of relief and pleasant disbelief caused him to reach out and pull Sirius into a hug.

Sirius (who was clearly not a hugger yet) made a noise like a drowning cat. "Meh," he finally said. "I just didn't want it following me around yelling due dates at me and everything."

James smiled at the two of them. He was having a moment, it was happy, it was emotional, it was great starter to a great year… and then Sirius had to ruin it all.

"Besides, if you're going to be the official calendar-keeper of the BDE, you need a good one." Sirius pointed out, halfway through changing into his nightclothes.

"BDE?" James questioned.

"Bed?" Peter suggested, evidently lacking in his spelling skills.

"No. The BDE." Sirius explained, leaping again from Remus's bed to his own in one swift motion. "The Best Dormitory Ever."

"You sound like a teenage girl." James pointed out, changing at record speed, laying down, taking off his glasses and rolling his eyes.

Sirius gasped in mock surprise. "My secret's out! Oh no! What do I do?!" He exclaimed in a lofty voice causing an already-tucked-in Peter to crack up with laughter and Remus to grin as he changed out of his robes and into his nightclothes under the covers.

With a wave of his wand, James turned out the lights. They lay there in comfortable silence for a few minutes before James realized that something was desperately wrong. "Sirius," he whispered.

"I'm sleeping." Sirius murmured back.

James thought that was a pretty stupid lie, so he reached for his wand and poked Sirius a few times in the face. "Sirius. Sirius. Sirius."

"What?!" A disgruntled Sirius moaned.

"You have my pillow." James said.

"It's on the floor." Sirius gestured in the general direction of 'down'. "You can get up and get it."

"I can't." James replied. By now the two of them had officially stopped the whole 'whispering' act and were talking at normal volume, waking up Peter and alerting Remus in the process.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm already under the covers."

"Too bad."

"But Sirius!" James whined.

"What's the matter?" Remus called over to the two window beds.

"Sirius isn't giving me my pillow back and it's hurting my feelings." James said in mock-pain.

Remus groaned, rolled out of bed and staggered over to throw James his pillow. "Happy?"

James nodded. "You're the best, Remus."

Remus acknowledged that fact tiredly and collapsed back onto his bed. He couldn't explain it, but he had the feeling that he would be doing this sort of stupid stuff for his friends a lot.

"Guys, I'm hungry." Peter said in a perky voice.

"Are you serious?!" Remus asked. How on earth anyone could be hungry after such a big feast struck him as completely bizarre.

"No." Sirius snickered from across the room. "He's not Sirius. I am."

James, Remus, and Peter all groaned and threw their pillows at Sirius in unison.

Sirius laughed. "I don't see how this is supposed to discourage me from making puns. The way I see it, I just got 3 free pillows, and now James has to wake up Remus again because he just lost his only pillow to the glorious puns of Sirius Black. This isn't a punishment, this is a blessing. It's nice to know that you guys are sacrificing to the right deity nowadays. Now-"

"Silencio." James muttered under his breath.

Four grins slowly grew across four maraudering faces. It was going to be a great year.