Chapter 5

"Shout your gob and be still."

"Please don't hurt her." A voice whispered. "She's just a child you sick bastard."

"I don't need an interfering dyke like you." The angry voice said echoing like a ripple that moved slowly across her body cutting her open. "Your kind is revolting, you disgust me and I ought to teach you the proper tune."

"You coward. Hiding behind your façade. I will not go quietly in the dark." The voice said bravely, then realising the burst of defiance could cost her dearly. She wasn't wrong. Without warning, an angry fist came crashing hard, knocking her limp body to the cold pavement. The pain was excruciating and death was all around, waiting, watching like lurking eyes.

"Do as you're told, carpet muncher." Incensed eyes stood over her, like sharpened blades ready to cut into her flesh. "You whore. You lot are all the same. But I hold the power and you're already dead, you just don't realise it yet. Remember darling, 'Silence is golden'."

Nikki woke up, sweating, her hands were shaking and her mouth was dry. She had another nightmare. When she first heard about Trisha's suicide, she had a lot of nightmares afterwards about what happened. She blamed herself for not doing enough. Why did she leave Trisha and not demand her to seek counselling? Maybe if she tried harder, she would still be alive, but instead her life was cut short and the painful memories haunted her sleep. Through the years the nightmares became less and less, and she stopped having nightmares, a year ago. But ever since meeting Monica, the vagabond, the nightmares started up again. It was always the same type of nightmares haunting her again. Trisha was never far from her mind and in truth, her heart. She always had difficulty with relationship. Whenever she got too close to someone she really cared for, she ran. Running from her past was something she was accustomed to.

(Flashback eleven years ago)

"I want to file a report?" Nikki said waiting.

"What about?" The officer said without looking up from his paperwork.

"A rape that had occurred."

The officer looked up to find a young woman staring at him intently. "Would you prefer to speak to a female officer, ma'am," he said, his voice different, warmer.

Nikki looked at him confused. Then she realised that the officer probably thought she was the one raped. "It doesn't matter really. Listen, I know this might sound a bit strange but I'm not the rape victim it was a friend of mine."

The officer looked at Nikki with startled. "I don't understand. You're filing a rape report, but you weren't raped."

"Yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you officer," she looked at his badge. "Officer, Haim.

"Listen, is this a joke because you can get arrested for perjury." He insisted.

"This is not a joke and I don't like the tone of voice you're using on me. I have evidence." Nikki said a bit put off by the officer's remark.

"Then why doesn't you friend come in and file a report herself?"

Nikki had to swallow hard. The images of Trisha, was overwhelming her senses. She made a promise to herself and Trisha's memory that she would find out who raped her. "She can't. She's dead."

Officer Haim looked over at Nikki. He noticed the watery tension in her eyes. He knew instinctively that she wasn't lying by her raw emotions. "Look, why don't I get you a Detective who can help you. Okay?" He said gentle moving Nikki towards an empty room. "I'll have an officer bring you water, coke?"

"You've been kind enough. Water would be fine." Nikki said, sniffling. After what seemed like a century, a couple of tall officers entered the room.

"Hello, I'm Detective Alain Morissette and my partner Charlize Dion." Nikki nodded her head. She hoped that she had enough evidence to find the bastards that raped Trisha. Maybe Trisha could finally rest in her grave.

"You're name is Nikki Wade," the woman officer said.

"Yes," Nikki said, trying to smile. She ran her fingers through her hair feeling nervous.

"Okay, start from the beginning Nikki. Please take all the time you need. I want you to feel comfortable talking openly. If you need to speak to a counsellor we can arrange to have one here."

"Thank you," Nikki said. As Nikki went through the motion of her story, she felt a sense of relief that someone else other than herself knew. It had been hard keeping everything inside. At first she thought about telling Trisha's parents, but then decided to report the incident first. She suspected it would be hard on them. But Nikki felt that deep inside she was doing the right thing. It had been two long months. Nikki showed them the pictures, Trisha's clothes that she had saved.

"From the evidence you have presented Nikki, your friend had been raped." Detective Dion said. "Is there anything else, anything you have forgotten that might help us with this case?"

"That's everything that I know." Nikki said, exhausted. She felt like she gave all her strength and only hoped it was enough. She dreaded not knowing if the bastards were ever going to pay for their crime.

"Listen, Nikki, I'm going to be completely honest with you. This is going to be difficult because you can't identify them and the victim isn't here to give her version of the story." Nikki sighed. This isn't what she wanted to hear. Of course she knew it would be difficult but a small part of her thought a miracle could happen. "Would the parents agree to exhume her body for evidence?"

"I don't know. They don't know about any of this. I haven't told them." Nikki felt sick to her stomach.

The Detectives looked at each other. "Nikki, we need to speak to them. It's very important that we examine her body for any evidence. Before it's too late."

"Right of course." Nikki said, knowing that Trisha's parents were not going to give consent. This was shite. Once again she felt like she was up against a brick wall.

(Present Time)

Sean rolled over towards Helen as she slept, then proceeded to kiss her. He enjoyed having sex in the morning before he started his working day. Helen was barely awake when she felt something cold on her lips. When she opened her eyes, Sean's face was mere inches apart, smiling hungrily.

"What the bloody hell, Sean. I don't feel like it." Helen said as she tried to get him off of her.

"What's the matter, darling?"

"What's the matter," Helen said, feeling particularly edgy this morning. "You know I hate when you roll over and think that you're going to have your way with me. Christ sakes Sean."

"I can't help it babe, something about the morning air that makes me want to ravage your body." Sean said, putting his hand on Helen's breast.

"Don't even try," she said annoyed, barely containing her distaste for him. She hated when Sean showed his possessive side. "Do you ever consider my feelings? That's why I hate when you sleep over. This happens every bloody time."

"What's to consider? We're engaged, and your womanly duties are to please me. I thought you liked having me over. I don't know why you need to have your own apartment." Sean demanded. He didn't understand why she had to be so difficult. He thought she was too independent, and tried at all attempts to squash her rebellious nature.

Helen struggled to get free from Sean's stronghold. "Sod you then. I think maybe you should give me back my spare key if this is how you're going to behave every time." Sean smiled as he continued to hold Helen down. "Let go, you're hurting me, Sean. I'm not playing games. Get the fuck off me."

A terrible look of suspicion came glossed his eyes. "You're not cheating on me, are you dear?" Sean hissed. "Because if you are, I swear I'll kill the sodding bastard."

Here we go again, Helen thought. "You can trust me, Sean. You know I would never cheat on you." Helen said trying to appease him. The defiance had gone and in its place was a degree of resignation. Sean Parr was the typically rich, handsome type. In his own selfish way he loved Helen, but he possessed a terrible jealousy and a hard, spiteful nature. When provoke to anger, his frightening nature was something to be fearful of.

Helen's soft voice made Sean feel ashamed. His manner changed, then he grabbed her in his arms and held her close. "I don't mean to be insensitive," he apologised, kissing her neck. "But not being able feel you every morning, sometimes drives me crazy. Don't I give you everything babe? You know I never deny you anything." She tried not to cringe from his touch. Squeezing her face between his rough hands, Sean whispered into her ear, "Sometimes I wish I didn't love you so much." Then Sean kissed her abruptly before getting up and heading into the shower.

In that moment, she detested him. "No, you never deny me anything," she whispered. Sean never denied her anything, as long as it met with his approval, she thought bitterly. But he continued to deny her the things she craved, like the smallest measure of independence, or the company of friends. Still, was she overreacting? She was beginning to wonder if she made a grave mistake by getting engaged to Sean. He was so jealous and possessive at times that he often clashed with her work colleagues. Sean came from a wealthy family, so he was used to getting things his own way, yet at first it didn't bother her. But then she slowly started to feel like she was living in a box. She couldn't breathe at times. She wondered if she really even loved him. Sure, it was fun during the beginning. Helen was going through a rough patch in her life, and when Sean came along, he was a distraction from everything. It wasn't as if he was a bad person or that he didn't truly love her. He had a soft caring side to him that she knew about, but his jealousy often overshadowed his kindness. In reality, Helen was running away. Running away from something that was eating inside her soul. Something that she harboured, something terrible, something no one knew about, except for her therapist. Then again, she was good at hiding and controlling her life. She had too. If people knew her deepest secrets would they gasp? There were times when she would sit in the darkest hour of the night and stare into space. She felt lost and wondered if she could ever find her way out through the maze she felt her life was in.

Nikki rolled into work, looking worst for wear. Still reeling about the nightmare she had in the morning, she managed to spill coffee over her new shirt. This wouldn't be a typical day she thought. Then she remembered she had an appointment with DCI Helen Stewart. Nikki sighed heavily. She had her own caseload and she didn't have any information about the case and wondered if it was a good idea to meet up with Helen Stewart. In truth, it reminded her of Trisha. Her dreams still haunted her and no one was ever charged back then. Like everything, what happened to Trisha became a distant memory to all and eventually her crime became forgotten, just another cold case. It bothered Nikki to her core but what could she do? All she had left was her memories and hope that someday justice would prevail.

"Hey Nikki, nice stain on your shirt." Yvonne said, grinning. Yvonne Atkins was a Chief Nurse. She was one of the first people to welcome Nikki at the Hospital.

"You offering to dry clean it for me, Yvonne?" Nikki laughed trying to hold on to her drink and briefcase.

"Yeah, I'll send Michelle Dockley up. Put her on five, and all you have to do is bend over for a wicker."

"That woman would bite into any wiener that offered her a promotion. Don't know how she ever became a nurse. The only skill she has to offer is her missionary position." Nikki quipped. Yvonne giggled, then looked over at Nikki, who was trying hard not to laugh out-loud.

"Yo, you wouldn't be a bunch of mean old crows would you?" Karen Betts said, walking over, apparently hearing the conversation.

"Who us?" Yvonne said innocently. "Come on, you know that tart is a walking Barbie Doll. I bet she's shagging some bloke right now, down the reformatory."

"Well try to keep your comments to yourself," Karen said, shaking her head. "People gossip like mad cows in here. Just keep it straight."

"Straight," Caroline entered the conversation, expressing amusement. Karen gave her a knowing look. "What? I'm just repeating what you said."

Caroline Lewis was also gay, like Nikki, but she was dating one of the female paramedics. Not that Nikki minded because she was not interested. But then Caroline was such a flirt and used her sexuality to her advantage. In truth, Caroline liked Nikki and wouldn't kick her out of bed if she had a chance. But Nikki wasn't interested in a steady relationship. Just a shag here and now. Nikki bemused herself in the sidelines. She enjoyed Yvonne's sense of humour. Although she didn't know Michelle Dockley well, she did seem like the dumb blond type, even if she wasn't a natural blood. She also heard that Shell was shagging DCI Jim Fenner. It was only a rumour, but Yvonne was convinced that they were up to something sordid. She did not dare tell Karen about her suspicions. But then, she was convinced that Karen must've heard the rumours too. She seemed irritated by Jim lately. Maybe she was coming to her senses and decided to dump that cheating lout.

Helen's intercom buzzed. "Yes."

"Miss Stewart, someone by the name of Dr. Nikki Wade is here to see you."

"Oh yes, please send her in."

Nikki knocked on Helen's door, before opening it. Then she heard a soft Scottish voice, "Come in, please." When Nikki entered, she saw a woman, about 5'4 rummaging through her file cabinet. Nikki noticed her figure right away. She was shaped nicely and her legs looked firmed. Her soft coloured hair looked like silk and Nikki found herself staring, even though she hadn't seen her face yet. She usually didn't check out other colleagues, but something about this woman was stimulating. Nikki was caught daydreaming when she heard a voice speaking.

"Please have a seat." Helen watched Nikki stand there, not moving. Then suddenly as if Nikki was awakened violently, she noticed a pair a warm hazel/green eyes staring back at her. Nikki blushed when she realised Helen had caught her daydreaming. "Please, sit down, Nikki," She said motioning to the chair.

Nikki sat down, smiling. "Thank you."

Helen watched Nikki and thought how stunning Nikki Wade was. She had strong facial features, her eyes dark brown, almost a secretive look to her. Her skin was tanned and she wore her wavy hair, a little messy. Nikki had muscular arms and she had to be at least 5'9 and she assumed Nikki was in her mid twenties. She was impressed. She had heard nothing but positive things about Nikki Wade from Karen, except that she could be a little difficult to work with, but she liked independent individuals with cogent ideas. For some strange reason, she thought that they had met before. Nikki seemed captivating. Something about the woman's eyes that rendered a story. Helen then mentally slapped herself. She just met Nikki and she was intrigued? "So you're Nikki Wade," Helen said, then blushing, realising she was acting like a school girl. But Nikki's presence was making her feel uncomfortable and awkward.

"Last time I checked, I was still residing in the Wade body," Nikki grinned. She knew Helen was slightly embarrassed.

Helen felt juvenile and stupid. "Sorry, my brain lost all notion of reality."

"That's okay," Nikki leaned over the table. "I too can get a little intimidated by others."

Helen smiled. Nikki was charming she thought to herself. "I guess you know why you're here."

Nikki shifted in her chair, trying to get comfortable. "I know that you're department is looking for a Clinical Psychologist to help you with a murder case, but other than that, I don't know any details."

"What! Didn't Karen give you the case file?" Helen said annoyed by the revelation.

"Nope," Nikki smiled. Just like Karen to forget. "She does that sometimes, forgets the little things."

"Yes, I suppose you observation skills are up to par." Helen was surprised. "You know Karen Betts well?"

Nikki looked around Helen's office. It was warm with personal items. But then she looked over at her desk and she didn't notice any pictures. She was engaged, but not a slightest thing about her fiancé presence that was obvious to the eye, except for the ring. "Yes, we go back. I first met her during my first year at University."

"Interesting. Karen's a real character." Helen said smiling. She found herself staring at Nikki a little longer than she liked. It bothered her a little.

"You can say that. But she's a professional. Of course until she's in a drunken stupor, then the real Karen Betts comes out of hiding." Nikki snorted, which surprised Helen, then she laughed too.

"Drowning in alcohol can do that to someone's state of mind? I guess we have something in common: we both are good friends of Karen Betts." Helen said smiling. She was beginning to loosen up.

"Now, tell me what this is all about. I have a busy schedule and as much as I love to discuss drunken behaviours, I really do need to get on with things?" Nikki said sarcastically and suddenly, wondering why she was acting like a twat and being impatient with Helen all of a sudden. But it was her hazel/green eyes that were starting to have a desire effect on her body. Helen Stewart was classically sensually in every sense of the word. It was hard to concentrate when across from her, sat a warm body that she found alluring. It startled her. She just met Helen and her body was reacting in a way that she hadn't felt in a long time. She was absolutely gorgeous she sighed. The only problem; Helen was straight and she didn't do straight.

Nikki certainly didn't beat around the bush, Helen thought. One minute she was telling a joke, the next getting downright serious. What was her game she thought? Then she leaned back into her chair. "Okay, Nikki, I'm working on a difficult case at the moment, I believe might be connected to a cold case file. It's complicated at best. We have this suspect in question, well, he had been suspected of raping and killing three young college girls six years prior, but he was never official charged for lack of evidence, mishandling of procedures, pick your choice. It was before I joined this unit. Now, there's been a similar pattern of recent homicides that appear to fit the same profile, but I can't be certain if they are connected, or if it's just coincidence. I believe we might be dealing with a serial killer, but no one else agrees with me. The suspect in question was recently admitted into the mental ward. There's something troubling about him." Helen shook her head. "I have this unpleasant feeling he's hiding something terrible, something unfathomable. I learned early on in my career to pay attention to my instincts. I suppose we might be dealing with a clever, diabolic killer. Although, I hate to hastily make conclusion this early on in the race."

"Your suspect, has he been diagnosed yet?" Nikki asked, somewhat intrigued.

"I looked over his files and he was initially diagnosed by a Psychiatric having manic depression six years prior." Helen said, running her fingers through her hair.

Nikki looked at the lines on Helen's forehead. She looked deep in thought. A chill ran down her spine. She felt a cold breath on her neck and the room felt as if a cold draft blew through. "Did you just feel that?" She asked bewildered.

Helen looked over at Nikki with a confused look on her face. "Sorry, did you say something?"

Nikki face flushed immediately. Did she just imagine something? She couldn't explain it, except that she felt an eerie sense that something, or someone was in the room. Yet, when she looked around, there was only the two of them. "Sorry, I must be seeing ghosts or my senses are not working properly."

Helen continued looking at Nikki and wondered what she was thinking. She didn't understand why Nikki looked spooked but she wasn't going to press it. "I don't know about ghosts, but are you sure you're feeling okay?" She repeated.

"Yeah," Nikki shrugged her shoulders and took a breath in. She didn't want Helen to think she was acting odd. "I'm a bit superstitious and don't think nothing of it, really. I was just thinking about your suspect." Nikki lied.

"Okay, if you are sure." Helen said, in a whisper. "Listen, I don't know, Nikki. It's like he's saying things that contradict his story. I keep trying to find a beginning, but it's not going anywhere. It's like we're moving in circles," Helen said, putting her hands on her desk. "In my opinion, he didn't committed those killings, although something traumatic happened to him when he was younger, and surfaces through acts of violence. I'm not sure what to think, really. If he's not the killer, he's connected somehow."

Nikki stared at Helen, listening, but not registering the words. "Sorry whom are you referring to?"

"The suspect. I was talking about the suspect in question." Nikki watched Helen talk with conviction. She definitely seemed passionate about her work and it didn't help that she had a sexy Scottish accent.

"Sorry," Nikki blushed. She was half paying attention. She needed to stop thinking about Helen. She kept telling herself she was straight and engaged. "Why are you determined that he is connected to the murders? Explain further."

"Listen, I must sound too focused on him, but it's just a feeling I get. I really can't explain it but no one else agrees with me on this one." Helen said looking over at Nikki with pleading eyes. She needed someone else to believe in her.

Nikki watched Helen lean back feeling exhausted. She really seemed convinced but she did not have enough information to form an honest opinion. "So you're out on a limb?"

"You could say that." Helen interjected, propping herself up and finding her breathe again.

"So Helen," Nikki said, the word 'Helen' rolling off her tongue. "Tell me more about this suspect."

"He was admitted into the hospital, a weeks ago for self-mutilation and depression. A psych evaluation was done on him, and this time he was diagnosed with having Bipolar disorder. So I suppose he's not your average psychopath."

"Any mental illness or severe depression linked to family history in his file?" Nikki inquired. This case was sounding interesting if not dangerous.

"Nothing. It's like he has no past history. At times he seems perfectly normal, at least on the surface. As far as I'm aware, he's never had counselling but I suspect he's been suffering silently." Helen said.

Nikki reached into her pocket and took out a pack of fags. "Do you mind?" she said looking at Helen.

Helen shook her head. "Those things will kill you," she let out a crude laugh.

Nikki grinned. "Yeah, trying to quit. Thinking about going on those patches I hear about." Then Nikki decided that today was as good as any day to quit. "Perhaps, you have given me the incentive to quit."

"How honourable of you, Dr. Wade. Didn't realise I had such a powerful effect on smokers. Perhaps I can recommend you a good lung Doctor." Helen quipped enjoying their conversation. Nikki was a sharp blade and she enjoyed her insight.

"Don't get over your head honey. You may be beautiful, but you can be such a bitch," Nikki said jokingly. Nikki knew she was flirting a little but it took every nerve in her body to hold back from jumping on Helen's bones.

Helen laughed. This Nikki Wade character had a good sense of humour. She smiled inwardly. And she thinks I'm beautiful, she thought to herself. "If you think I'm a bitch now, just wait to you see me in action." For some strange reason she felt quite comfortable with Nikki. She felt like she could be herself. She could reveal a little of herself without feeling judge.

Nikki smiled, showing her teeth. She bent over, closer towards Helen. "I'm not sure what kind of action you're referring to, honey, but a Prima Donna as yourself would be in wonder with my prowess." Nikki said seductively.

Helen smacked her teeth together. She would do one better. "A Prima Donna you say? It's true, I like to be on top and demand my way, but you're probably a tame lion, if you know what I mean."

Nikki ran her fingers through her hair. She was amused by Helen's reaction and open flirtatious way. "For your information a black window would put you to shame…don't judge a book by its cover until you've had your fingers on the pages. You never know what you might find." Now Nikki was stepping out of bound. She knew it but it didn't stop her. She felt comfortable with Helen even though, just a few minutes ago, they were complete strangers. "Not many can escape my web."

"I bet you say that to all your conquest," then Helen recoiled quickly. She found herself flirting along with Nikki and it rattled her. Nikki sensed Helen's changed demeanour. She knew she probably felt embarrassed by her actions. After all, they just met. "Maybe we should stick to the subject." Helen said quickly, her face flushed. She enjoyed flirting with Nikki, but why. She didn't even know if Nikki was gay. But then she thought Nikki was trying to be friendly and nothing more.

"Of course, please continue, Helen." Nikki had to breathe inwardly. She so much enjoyed what had transpired just moments earlier. She could get used to being around this Scottish woman.

"The thing is, Nikki, I have a gut feeling he's connected to these cold case homicides but could never establish a connection. Even if not in the actually homicide, then, in some way, I'm sure of it. I don't know it's just a feeling I get." Helen said. The lines on her forehead showed puzzlement and Nikki wondered how could she possibly help?

"You mentioned that he's never been charged with the murders. Do you suppose you're questioning the failure of a conviction back then, and somehow sub-consciously holding onto him because those cases have never been solved?" Nikki said, sounding a bit rigid. Helen felt like she had been slapped. She was about to respond when Nikki stopped her. "Sorry Helen, I know I might be sounding a bit harsh."

"A bit harsh…more like dissecting me," She said harshly. She didn't like the feeling of being probed.

"I'm sorry, but I'm trying to keep an open mind and look from a different perspective. I'm not here to put blame or question your motives. My main goal is to understand what makes a person act out inappropriately. If that's a little harsh, then I mean no disrespect, but I suspect I'm here to help you look with fresh eyes. Bring a new angle." Nikki said, almost as if she was defending herself. She didn't like that feeling.

Helen felt insulted. But really, she felt probed. Nikki had an amazing quality about her and she dissected her like she was an open book. It scared her. Could Nikki see into her soul? "Maybe you're right Nikki, in that aspect. But, I believe once you meet him you'll get the same feeling that I get."

"Has he ever displayed any psychosis behaviour such as hallucinations, delusions?" Nikki said giving Helen a warm smile. "Does he appear to show signs that he may think other people are controlling his thoughts, out to harm him?

"Yes, I've suspected that immediately. Does that mean something to you, Nikki?" Helen said nodding her head. She really hoped that Nikki would be able to help her.

"I'm not sure Helen," Nikki said, relived that she was warming up to her again. "I won't get a real sense about his character until I met up with him. But I think he might be suffering from schizophrenia. Do you know that schizophrenia affect about 1% of the population? It is believed to be caused by a combination of genetic and environmental factors."

"No I did not." Helen said surprised. She kept her eyes on Nikki, and gazed upon her chocolate brown eyes that seemed to pierce her own. She study her mouth and noticed a dimple on Nikki's right cheek when she grinned. She was surprised when she realised that she kept staring at Nikki at an alarming rate.

"Many of them hear voices in their head, lack motivation or desire to from relationship which disables them to lead a normal life." Nikki continued saying, "They can also be very dangerous and strike with quick out-burst. I suspect he has manifested many of these behaviours."

"You're brilliant," Helen said, her demeanour calmer. "Maybe I'm too close for my own good with this bloke. I have read all his files from the psychiatrist," She took a sip of her water. "Frankly, she thought he would do better with a male psychiatrist, but that turned out to be complete disaster. I was wondering if you would consider seeing him. Maybe you can get through to him. That is, of course, if he's agreeable."

"Not sure how much insight I can shed onto this case, but I'm willing to give it a go."

"So you'll come aboard with us, Nikki?" Helen asked cautiously trying to give her best smile. "We could use fresh eyes and someone who can give us deep insight."

"You do realise I'm not a Criminal Psychologist or Profiler. If that's okay with you I'd like to get a better sense." Nikki said. She didn't want to commit until she had all the facts, but then she would get to work with Helen Stewart, someone she felt an immediate attraction to, but on the other hand, she might be chewing more than she bargained for. "Just give me the okay to dance with the devil," Nikki said, grinning.

Helen smiled back. Nikki had a way to break tension with comical humour. "Will do Nikki Wade, Master of the mind. Besides, I think you'd be a brilliant Criminal Psychologist or Profiler if you wanted to. It's just a feeling I get."

"Well that's kind of you, really." Nikki let out a chuckle. "Alright, Helen, Master of deception, what's his main problem aside from suicidal tendencies and aggression?" Nikki asked. She was intrigued on the complexity of this murder investigation, yet she threw caution to the wind. She knew she might be out of her depth, but she wasn't one to back away from a real challenge. She didn't normally work with male patients, yet her instincts told her that this one would intrigue her.

"As long as we keep still, we should be safe enough here." Monica decided, with a wry little smile. She noticed the door was ajar. Cautiously, she went inside; it was dark and cold, but not as cold as the street outside. "This seems cosy enough," she remarked. "I'm sure no one would mind if we made ourselves comfortable for a while." Finding an old sack lying on the ground, Monica took it out and shook it, sending the black dust flying through the air. Then she laid it on the cold concrete of a run-down garage and sat herself down, with her cat at her feet as always. As the cold struck through Monica thin skirt, she shivered. "It's a hard life, Sadie my girl," she sighed. "So much untold, hidden," Monica murmured, "and no one to hear my silence." Memories swamped Monica. It came at her with vengeance, with callus movements, cutting through her soul. She could never forget them. Monica could not say when it all began to go wrong. There had been times when life was good, and times when she despaired. She had known love and laughter, and sadness of a kind that would stay with her until her dying day. Once, a lifetime ago, she had a promising future, a family, and reason to hope. Now, it was all gone, and she was reduced to a vagabond on the streets. She never begged and took no favours, and always believed that something better would come along; that somehow, life would get easier. But it never did, and with each passing day, she grew older, and wearier of life.