It's hard leading a double life.
The Joker issues his second threat, but something is off. His replacement Harley Quinn can see it, and so can the rest of his men. The unease hangs in the air. On top of his growing insanity, he's plagued by hallucinations; talking to Harley as if she still stood by his side and he can't stop himself- he misses her.
Meanwhile Bruce has to tear himself away from the life of Bruce Wayne, one he's actually beginning to enjoy as a life rather than a facade, but he can't escape it for long. Dick makes friends in the department, momentarily taking his mind off of his troubles with his alter ego, but only for a moment.
The Joker clicked his tongue and wagged a finger at the camera.
"Batman, you ruined the surprise for yourself. It's no fun if you're going to do that. Batman and friends, people of Gotham; welcome to the next installment of the show. It's a shame I didn't get to play with you at Renner's place, but I had places to be. That's no problem though! Our second date will be much more fun." Joker clapped and laughed.
Harley Quinn rubbed her neck and held the camera steady. She knew that she was the replacement; an expendable doll to be used as the Joker pleased. He'd obviously had feelings for the last one, that Dr. Harleen Quinzel, though she'd never mention the name ever again. She wouldn't remind him of her any more than she had to, at the risk of being throttled again.
"Now," the Joker grinned, "You've pressed me for time, so I didn't find anyone to kill this time. But I promise-" he held up three fingers in a Boy Scout salute- "that will be fixed soon enough. You've showed me that I can't always rely on my little flying monkeys to do things right, so it looks like I'll have to do this myself. I'll get you Batman, and your little dogs too!" He giggled and then laughed. Harley Quinn cringed.
She couldn't get over that laugh. Joker's voice was teasing. He was quite literally joking with Batman. At least he hasn't killed anyone in this video yet, she thought, smiling at him. Joker grabbed the camera, grinning darkly into the lens.
"Meet me at the hotel, Darling. I'll be wearing my best and waiting for you." He cackled and released the camera violently, and Harley Quinn reached down and turned the live feed off.
"Damn," Bruce cursed as the screen went dark and then returned to the news where a nervous looking reporter asked if they were back. He stood by the fireplace, watching the television. Selina yawned from the couch, a half empty wine glass in her hand.
"That's usually my cue to leave," she sighed, standing up. Bruce caught her arm.
"Now hold on a minute-"
"-Bruce," she cut him off, laughing softly. "I can't stay."
"Well why not?" he asked, smiling. She rolled her eyes.
"Do you really intend to ignore that?" She stroked his cheek. "I could stay."
"I can't ignore it, Selina, he's going to kill someone." Bruce said. "I just wanted to say goodbye first." He leaned in to kiss her and Selina turned her head away from him.
"Don't you ever get tired of this?" she asked, looking at him.
"I have to do it. This is my responsibility."
"No it isn't. What if you and I just took the boys and disappeared?" she purred, her hands sliding up to his shoulders. Bruce smiled softly and shook his head.
"You know I could never do that."
"Well what are you going to do about the Joker at this moment? He said 'meet me at the hotel.' he didn't say when or where or why. It could be a trap. It could be anything, Bruce," she said, looking at him seriously.
"The Joker attacked the biggest drug ring in the city first. I can only assume he's working his way down from there. Number two is named James Shan, and his operation runs from an abandoned hotel in West Gotham. I can take care of myself," he replied, the firelight flickering on his strong jaw and dark brow. Selina shook her head.
"So can I. Sometimes I don't know how you still trust me. I could go out and steal whatever I wanted, with Batman wrapped around my finger the way you are," she joked, smiling and smoothing his dark hair. Bruce smiled a little.
"Then I'll have to make sure I keep you well fed here," he said, producing a small box. Inside was a diamond bracelet. Selina cried out in delight and slipped it over her wrist.
"You know, you don't have to buy my affection," she smiled, admiring the way the diamonds sparkled in the firelight. Bruce took her hand.
"I may not have to, but I want to." He said gently, and her eyes gleamed.
"Bruce Wayne. Doesn't he just throw money at his problems? Isn't that hard to live with?" Joan asked, pulling her hat low over her head.
"Yes and no," Dick laughed again as they walked up the front steps of the station. The moment they stepped in the door, Commissioner Gordon raced over to them.
"Where the hell have you two been!?" he demanded, and Dick frowned.
"We were-"
"-Never mind where you were. Just- don't do it again. Batman brought in over thirty men to be booked- it's been chaos around here! We could've used you!" Joan and Dick looked down guiltily. "Since you two were off playing hooky, I sent your partners on a call together. You two, in the meantime, can finish filing all of the reports from the drug bust."
Dick groaned as the Commissioner walked away. He and Joan walked back to their desks, across the aisle from one another, and sat down. Most of the other officers were handling cleanup at the factory where Batman and Robin had caught all of the Joker gang members, and the ones that weren't were out on assignments or traffic. Dick and Joan were the only two people left in the big empty room. After a while of only the sound of papers shifting on their desks, Dick looked up.
"Why did you leave your old city?" he asked, then added quickly "if you don't mind me asking."
Joan finished what she was writing on her paper and then looked up, pushing her hair behind her ear. "No, it's fine," she said distractedly, lost in thought. She shook her head slowly. "I guess I got sick of being used."
"What do you mean?" Dick asked. Joan laughed a little.
"Just the stereotypical divorce movie," she sighed, taking her glasses off and wiping the lenses as she leaned back in her chair. "Mommy and Daddy kept using me to get back at each other. So I skipped town, joined a rock band, went to the academy, then became a cop."
"Long story short?" Dick asked, and Joan nodded ruefully. "I'm sorry," he said.
"I don't need your pity, kid," she smiled. He shrugged.
"Good, because it's not pity. It's sympathy. A clear difference that I had to discern for myself when Bruce took me in."
Joan examined him for a moment. "Harley Quinn is lucky she has you. She's lucky that she got away from the Joker, and that she has you to help her. You're a good man, Dick Grayson..."
"...but I just wish you'd been a little less meddlesome," the Joker sighed, twirling the revolver in his hands. The useless man trembled in front of him, and fury welled in the Joker's throat. He growled angrily and fired the gun twice, and the man hit the ground. "Can't find any good help these days," he muttered. and then stepped over the body distastefully, poking his head through the door. He squinted into the darkness at the other end. "Hey!" he shouted, and the two men at the end of the hall straightened up. "Dumb and Dumber, get down here."
"Us?" one of them stuttered. The Joker rolled his eyes.
"Oh, you're there too! Get down here, I need you to clean this mess up!" he cried angrily, and they hurried down the hall to him. Joker sighed irritably and walked over the body. "Take this out of here, would you?"
Well why'd you have to go and kill him in the first place, Mistah J?!
"Because he betrayed me! Shut up, Harley," Joker snapped. The goons looked at each other confusedly, and dragged the body out into the hall; Joker sat down at his desk and began scrawling on a notepad.
You're always workin, Mistah J. Take the night off! Let's have some fun!
Joker's pen dragged across the paper, and he screamed angrily, shooting up from his chair and throwing the notepad. "I told you I'm busy, Harley!" he roared to the empty room.
"Leave me alone," Bruce grumbled, but the corner of his mouth twitched. Selina took this as an invitation to steal another kiss. Bruce avoided her lips. "I mean it, Selina!" he snapped, and she smiled. He sat at the computer banks in the Batcave, analyzing the signal from the Joker's terrorist video. Selina leaned on the chair behind him, draping her arms over his chest.
"I told you, I want to help," she smiled, pressing her lips into his hair. Bruce nodded.
"I know, and I told you that I didn't need it. I already have all four of my sons on this Joker mission with me, I don't need the stress of you in harm's way as well."
"You're always stressed," Selina pouted, dropping her Catwoman mask on Bruce's Batman cowl where it sat on the desk.
"That isn't true." Bruce objected, but didn't look away from the computer screen. Selina grinned and stroked his cheek.
"Bruce." She cooed, but he didn't respond. "Bruce." She said a little more forcefully. When he didn't respond, Selina hooked her finger in his collar and pulled him close. Bruce blinked in surprise.
"Selina, don't!" Bruce shook his head. She ran her hands through his hair and cupped his face in her hands, looking into his eyes.
"You are always stressed. And I want to help you; to ease the burden, not make it worse. I've made my way in the world before you and I were together. You need to let me help you." She purred. Bruce looked up at her, his handsome face dark and serious. She wished more than anything that she could break through his barrier completely, but she was grateful for the progress she'd made with him this far. Selina sighed. "Maybe there's some way that I can help. If it's not with the mission, then so be it," she whispered in his ear, rubbing his shoulders under his cape. Bruce closed his eyes and smiled a little as Selina kissed his neck, and then jumped as Damian materialized by his side, scowling.
"What are you doing?" Joan demanded, looking over Dick's shoulder. He jumped and his knees hit the desk.
"Ow! What? What are you doing over here!?" he demanded, sliding the sketch under a piece of paper on his desk. She sat on his desk, tugging it out.
"I got bored over there. And you aren't filing any reports, so I'm not going to either. This is good," she handed the sketch of Batman back to him. "The detail is uncanny, you'd think that you've seen him up close."
"Yeah well. I've been on the force a long time…" Dick rubbed the back of his neck and smiled.
"So you know a lot about Bats?" She grinned, looking at him.
"I suppose. Why?"
"Cuz he's kinda awesome. Once a vigilante, always a vigilante," she shrugged. "I admire his stamina and his drive. Him and all of the rest."
Dick smiled and looked down. It was hard being a vigilante, he'd admit it just as soon as any of his brothers would, but the small tokens of gratitude from the people, even when they didn't know that they were directly thanking him; were more than he could ask for. "I think so too."
"Can I keep this?" Joan asked, holding up Dick's sketch of Batman. He cocked his head.
"Why?"
"Look, kid. I like art. I told you I was in a rock band, right? It's my thing."
Dick leaned back in his chair. "You were in a band."
"Yeah."
"You like art," Dick smiled.
"Yeah. Is that a problem?" she laughed.
"But you chose to be a cop." Dick concluded. Joan looked down.
"Remember how I told you that my parents used me as a weapon in their divorce? Well… I was constantly told that I could be whatever I wanted. When I wanted to be an artist, my dad bought me my own studio. When I wanted to be in a band, my mom bought me a Fender and got me a tattoo-"
"-wait, you have a tattoo?" Dick interrupted, grinning. Joan snorted and rolled her eyes.
"God, Grayson, you're such a guy." She laughed and stood, unbuttoning her shirt.
"Whoa, Joan-" Dick started but she cut him off.
"-don't be a pussy. I've got on a tank top, too. I'm not going to try and take you from your girl." She laughed, pulling her shirt away from her tan shoulder. Dick blinked in surprise as she showed him the silhouette of a black bird.
"It's nice," Dick smiled. She buttoned her shirt.
"I got tired of being a weapon. I wanted to be my own person."
Dick looked down, closing his eyes.
"I know how you feel," the Joker mumbled, pacing his office. "I know how you feel. They probably have you chained up locked up- but no. You betrayed me. Damn you!" he shouted, wringing his hands.
"Boss?" a man said, poking his head around the corner. Joker whirled.
"What. Is it?!" he demanded, glaring at him. The man cringed.
"Who are you talking to, sir?" he asked hesitantly.
"Harley, of course," Joker snapped. "Is everything ready for tonight?! Everything… checked? Loaded? Packed?" He demanded. The man smiled reassuringly.
"Yes, Mr. Joker, sir."
"Well!?" Joker demanded, his white face makeup smeared, the curl hanging in front of his forehead from his smooth hair. "Get out of here!" he barked. The man scrambled away and the Joker screamed, kicking the door shut behind him. He rushed to the corner and ran his hands through his hair, dropping to the floor and pulling his knees to his chest. He pulled out his gun, glaring at it. A grin spread across his face. He giggled softly.
What's wrong, Mistah J?
He cackled loudly, turning the gun around so the barrel pointed at his head. When the little flag popped out, he stared at it.
"Bang," he whispered, and then the grin spread wider across his face. He laughed, the sound filling the silence. "Bang!" he screamed, howling with laughter, loose strands of his green hair flying around his head. Tearing the flag out of the barrel of the gun, the Joker pulled the trigger over and over, the sound of the clicking mixing with his wheezing laughter. He choked and coughed, still chuckling as angry tears spilled down his cheeks and he pulled himself further into the corner, wrapping his arms around his knees as he laughed and sobbed into his arms.
"What are you doing in the corner, Damian?" Bruce asked, looking across the Batcave at him. Damian didn't respond, his earbuds in his ears as he scrawled in his sketchbook. Bruce shook his head. "This Joker video; he didn't give us any leads. I've been poring over my notes, and I can't find anything. I need outside help on this."
"That's what I've been trying to tell you." Selina said. "What's wrong with Damian?"
"He's been so distant lately, Selina," Bruce confessed.
"Well have you done anything with him?" she asked, sitting on his desk.
"Get off my desk. I took him out on a mission, just me and him," Bruce pondered, and Selina rolled her eyes, sliding into his lap. "Selina…" he grumbled. She wound her arms around his neck.
"Stop being so grumpy, Bats. You know, bats are actually quite shy and sweet creatures. Too bad you couldn't use that quality more." She put a finger on his lip before he could protest. "And taking him out to beat up Gotham's lowlifes doesn't count as father-son bonding time."
"I don't require 'father-son bonding time' with Father, Miss Kyle, I'll thank you to stay out of my business," Damian snapped, glancing at them. Selina rolled her eyes and Bruce dropped his voice lower so Damian couldn't hear them talking. The boy glanced up, narrowing his eyes suspiciously, sketching the crude outline of Selina's figure where she sat on Bruce, next to a picture of Alfred holding a tray. Selina jumped as Damian's Great Dane trotted past her, and she watched it walk over and curl up beside Damian. The boy stroked it's long, dark face.
"I just don't know what to do about him lately," Bruce whispered. Selina stroked his cheek.
"Be his father, not his master," she replied, tracing his lips with her finger. Bruce frowned, and she sighed sadly. "And smile more." She smiled, kissing him gently.
"Your comfort with displaying your affection in front of me is disturbing," Damian called, not looking up from his sketchbook as he traced Selina's lips on Bruce's. He smiled a little, and looked up at them, narrowing his eyes. "You're ignoring me, aren't you?" Selina smiled into Bruce's kiss. Damian scowled. "I bet I could get you to talk to me," he sneered. Now that the attention wasn't on him, he wanted it back. They still didn't respond. "What if I said something totally insane? Something totally unexpected?"
"...I'm gay." Joan smiled, popping a piece of popcorn into her mouth.
"No." Dick grinned at Joan. "Really?" He was sitting on his desk with his feet up on it, his shirt untucked and his police hat cocked at an angle on his head. She tossed a piece of popcorn across the aisle and they both cheered when Dick caught it in his mouth.
"Yeah," she laughed. "Call it whatever you will, a side effect of the divorce or whatever; but I say I was born this way, bitches."
Dick tossed his head back and laughed. "I never would have guessed."
"Through and through," she smiled. "Your turn. Now you gotta tell me something."
Dick pursed his lips. "I don't know."
"Oh come on!"
"Well it's not like yours was some big secret!"
"You're right," Joan smiled, throwing him another piece of popcorn. "So tell me a not-so-secret secret that nobody in the department knows."
Dick cocked his head at her. "Nobody except Will," he smiled.
"Agreed," she leaned forward, her black police shirt hanging around her waist from her belt.
"I was in the circus."
"An acrobat, yeah," she smirked. "I knew that."
"How did you know that!?" Dick demanded, laughing.
"You do your research, I do mine!" She protested, leaning back in her chair. "You were cute. And now you own the circus, right?"
"Yep." Dick smiled at her.
"Maybe I'll have to come sometime." Her eyes sparkled. He smiled broader and sighed.
"Okay. Secret…" he looked down. "I was engaged to the Commissioner's daughter for a year. Only Will knows that." Dick looked at her. She frowned.
"Well what happened?" Joan asked. Dick ran a hand through his hair.
"He was kind of an asshole." Barbara grinned, walking up between them. She scanned the popcorn on the floor, the waste bins filled with blank, crumpled pieces of notebook paper, and the Origami boat on Dick's desk. "Came to see Daddy, and found you here, doing nothing," she smiled.
"The redhead is her? You're her?" Joan looked up at her, her glasses holding her bangs back from her face. She looked at Dick. "Hot."
"Better clean yourself up," Barbara rolled her eyes and smiled at Dick. "Daddy sees this and you won't be free on Friday anymore. He's in a bad mood and bound to make you work overtime if he catches you screwing around with your friend."
"Sorry Babs," Dick took his feet off the desk, and he and Joan watched her walk down the aisle and disappear into the Commissioner's office. Joan grinned at him.
"You missed out, buddy."
"I don't think so," Dick shrugged.
"Right, you've got your psychopath now." Joan smirked, taking another handful of popcorn.
"Don't call her that." Dick warned.
"Just joking, kid," she laughed, and then glanced down at her phone as it buzzed. Her face fell. "Speaking of jokes… I've got to go."