42 Apology
H-e-y, Sharon tapped. U-o-k?
B-u-c-k-s-i-c-k, Steve replied.
O-s-r-y, Sharon said. H-e-l-p?
You would help? Steve thought.
N-o, Steve tapped back. T-h-x. Then, U?
O-k, Sharon said. O-k.
That night, there was a bad snowstorm and Bucky disappeared. After some frantic searching, Natasha was the one to find him, two blocks away from the apartment, collapsed in a snow heap behind a dumpster in an alley. She pulled him out of the ice and wrapped him in the blankets she had brought and hugged his body close to hers while she called Steve to get a cab. He was wet with the snow and shivering and the cold was just beginning to break his fever.
She knew why he ran. It was his delusions. And with the fierce cold and snow around them, it would be harder and harder for him to remind himself that he wasn't in the USSR anymore as his fever warped his reality.
When Steve reached them, Bucky was only speaking Russian, rapidfire and slurred, and Steve had no idea what to do. He helped Natasha get Bucky into the cab and they cranked up the heater on the way home as Bucky carried on to Natasha in words Steve couldn't understand and he felt useless. He wasn't helping at all, he couldn't even talk to Bucky.
Now see, Steve thought to himself. If you were dead…
He didn't finish his thought. He looked out the window and watched the world gone white with flurries of snow. It was almost Christmas.
Later, their luck began to look up as Steve and Natasha could practically see Bucky recovering and he was able to keep down the soup they gave him and Steve laid down on the other side of his bed with him and put a pillow over his face and closed his eyes.
"You're gonna get sick if you do that," Bucky commented and Steve scoffed.
"No," he said. "I won't. If I got sick, that would mean things were finally starting to make sense in the world again and," Steve almost laughed. "That's obviously not going to happen."
"Whatever you say," Bucky said tiredly. "If you wake up with the flu, don't say I didn't warn you."
"Wouldn't be so lucky," Steve replied, his voice muffled by the pillow and Bucky looked over at him and Steve could hear him swallow.
And it wasn't that Steve wasn't grateful to be healthy, because he was, he was so grateful. But when Bucky lay there sick with skyrocketing fevers, Steve couldn't help but feel somewhat wrong and colossally guilty because if anyone should be ill, shouldn't it be him? It had been him for years, after all, and if Bucky deserved anything, it wasn't this.
Steve would take it for him, the sickness, if he could. It just wasn't fair and it just wasn't right. In a just world, after all, Bucky was healthy and happy because he deserved it.
As soon as Steve left that night, Natasha and Bucky received another call at their door. Sharon stood there, looking tense and uncomfortable. Bucky stood out of bed slowly as to not make himself dizzy and reattached his arm quickly before throwing a robe over his shoulders to walk out and meet her with Natalia.
"What does she want?" Bucky asked Natalia weakly in Russian, quiet in order to not be either heard or understood by Sharon and Natalia shrugged.
"She's got a knife up her right sleeve and I think one in her boot," she replied. "No guns that I could ascertain. But that's just at a glance." Bucky smiled at her and she wrapped her arm around him from behind to help him stand.
"You're amazing," he said as he hobbled out with her, easy on his nearly-healed right ankle, to see Sharon standing by the couch. He wasn't sure what he had expected, but he knew that when she turned around and looked at him with red eyes and her makeup tear-streaked, he was caught off-guard.
"Is Steve still in danger?" Sharon asked Bucky.
"Well he isn't just magically better, if that's what you mean," Bucky said sardonically, staring at her face and getting used to the way she stood in front of both him and Natalia now with a lot of walls collapsed. "Yeah, he's still in danger."
"What are you doing about it?" Sharon demanded and Bucky glared.
"The best I can do," he said defensively. "None of us are exactly in tiptop shape, if you hadn't noticed."
"What do you need, Carter," Natalia said, letting Bucky go gently and stepping carefully in front of him. Sharon seemed to search the ground with her bloodshot eyes.
"Just that," she said. "I need to know he'll be okay."
"He will," Natalia said. "We're taking care of him."
"Is he still contemplating…," Sharon stopped and frowned and as much as Bucky wanted to say no, he knew he wasn't certain. There was a long silence and Bucky swallowed.
"We're taking care of him," Bucky finally echoed Natalia and Sharon pressed her mouth together.
"I see," she said and there followed another long quiet and Sharon threw up her hands. "I want to, um, apologize," she said and Natalia and Bucky shared a quick glance. Suspicious.
"Apologize?" Bucky said.
"I'm sorry about the episode at Thanksgiving," she said and then her blue eyes narrowed. "For Steve's sake." Bucky frowned.
"Then I forgive you for Steve's sake," he replied.
"You don't have to forgive her for anything, James," Natalia muttered to Bucky in Russian. "Not until you get a sincere apology."
"I think this is as sincere as it's going to get," Bucky replied.
"I don't like working with you, Barnes," Sharon said as she started for the door. Bucky could feel Natalia tense up next to him.
"You'd like working with me less," she threatened and Sharon looked over her shoulder, holding the open door in one hand.
"I'm sure," she replied dryly.
"As always, Ms Carter," Bucky replied. "It's been a real fricking delight."
"And you," Sharon yelled and shut the door just a little too hard. Natalia threw her head back and groaned.
"What a piece of work," she said.
"I'm going back to bed," Bucky grumbled.
Probably no chapter for maybe half a week? Moving again and the next semester is starting. :( I'm sorry about the interruptions, guys, I'd hope to keep this from happening. But thank you for being patient with me and you've all be so supportive. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it! -BB