So I finally complete chapter 15. Nikki and Helen's relationship is getting heated and complicated. I have all sorts of ideas where I want to take this story so keep reading and do let me know what you think. The story will get darker, but I shant reveal anything except that next few chapters will be interesting as I formulate ldeas n my head. Again, hope all my readers are enjoying my take of Nikki and Helen. Enjoy and read on...
Chapter 15
Helen walked towards Nikki who had her head down as she sat on a chair. "Hey there."
Nikki looked up to see a smiling Helen. She hadn't slept all night and her head felt like someone was drilling into her skull. "Hey there back to you too." Nikki replied, her voice sounding tired as she stared at the floor.
"I just came back to see if there was any change or if you needed something. Would you like me to stay with you a little bit longer?" Helen asked a weary looking Nikki who had her hands over her face, sitting on a white plastic chair. It was obvious that she didn't go home last night.
Nikki looked up to see Helen standing in front of her holding a cup of coffee. "That's okay, I know you need to get on with work. I'm just going to stay here until Monica wakes up. She doesn't have any family in London and I don't want her to be all alone."
Helen sat next to Nikki handing her the cup of coffee. "Listen Nikki, it might be awhile until she regains conscience. She was beaten badly and you look like you haven't slept all night. It's morning and you're still wearing the same clothes from last night."
"I understand your concern, but I cannot leave just yet." Nikki said looking at Helen who had a look of concern in her eyes.
She went to put her arm around Nikki to comfort her. There was nothing they could do but wait. "I'll stay with you a little while longer. We will catch those spineless thugs."
"Thanks for being here," Nikki said with a weak smile. "You'll understand if I take some time away from the investigation."
"Of course," Helen said understanding Nikki's request. "I just want to be here for you." Her mobile phone with off. She checked her phone and it was Sean calling so she turned off her phone. She did not want to talk to him. It was selfish but the only person who mattered was Nikki.
"Sean?" Nikki said, giving her a weak smile.
"I'm afraid so," she said coldly, not caring if she sounded harsh. "I don't like him checking in on me."
Nikki went to put her hand over Helen and squeezed it. "I really appreciate everything you've done for me."
Helen gave Nikki a warm smile as she enjoyed the closeness. "I haven't done much but you have been a great asset to me. You're bloody brilliant."
Nikki gave her a knowing look. "Nothing special about me."
Helen shook her head. "You have a caring, gentle soul. You don't know Monica at all, yet you're willing to give your time to a stranger because you know it's the right thing to do for you." Nikki looked at Helen and couldn't help feel a sense to pull the woman into her arms and never let her go but no matter how much she willed it or wished that things were different, she knew Helen had Sean. "Look, you're stubborn to fault, I'm obvious out of your league when it comes to intelligence, and you lead by your heart, you're true to your beliefs, all qualities that I lo...like about you." Helen said, realising she almost said the word 'love' and it caught her off guard for a moment.
Nikki smiled over a Helen as she continued to hold her hand. Helen's face seemed to turn rosy. For a moment she thought she heard Helen say love but perhaps it was wishful thinking. She knew Helen cared about her but it was only friendship. Still, a part of her felt different. "You're going to make me blush with all your kind words."
"Well don't let it get in your head or I might change my mind." She said grinning with a twinkle in her eye.
"Well we can't have that happen, can we." Nikki said playfully.
"No we can't," Helen said looking deep into Nikki's eyes. It wasn't hard getting lost in those deep brown eyes that seemed captivating and mysterious. She knew she was in trouble. No matter how hard she tried to ignore her growing feelings for Nikki, whenever she was in her presence, all she wanted to do was protect her, comfort her, and in truth, reached deep into her soul. She found herself wanting to spend her days with the woman who was turning her whole world upside down. Once again, she felt that ache deep inside her heart. She closed her eyes and sighed to herself as she knew the reasons why.
It was still touch and go whether Monica would survive the vicious attack. She had lost consciousness on the way to the hospital and remained in a coma. Nikki stayed long hours to watch over her. But it was all to no avail. Monica slept on. And with every day that passed, it seemed the old woman's life was disappearing with it. And Nikki's work was suffering. She hadn't seen Helen much and wondered how long she could go on like this. A week had past, but a week that seemed a thousand days. The ward was quiet now. Beyond the curtain the sky was darkening into evening.
"In a way it might be a blessing if she goes," Dr. Nickelson remarked as he approached. "She doesn't appear to have any family, and she's old and apparently homeless." He sighed. Leaning forward he gently prised open her eyelids. "She won't last long in my opinion. It's a pity, I know, but there's nothing more we can do."
"That's a cold harsh statement to make, Doctor," Nikki said, shaking her head as she walked in overhearing the cold words coming from the Doctor. "You talk as if she's got one foot in death's door."
"I'm sorry, dear, but I don't want to give you false hope." Dr. Nickelson felt sorry for the old woman, but he wasn't giving out miracles just yet. Yvonne patted Nikki's back.
"She's a fighter Nikki, you'll see." Yvonne tried to reassure Nikki.
"It might do her some good to be in the Lords hand instead of walking the mean streets," Dr. Nickelson replied.
"I know she's just might be another slab on a cold steel, Dr. Nickelson, but she's somebody's friend, perhaps a mother herself," Nikki said, looking over at Yvonne. "She looks different from when we first brought her in." Nikki replied.
"Amazing what soap and water can do." Yvonne remarked.
"When she was brought in she looked like any other vagabond, but now…Well, I mean, she has a certain, oh, I don't know…a kind of gracious beauty." He laughed at his own ramblings. "Who knows, she might be worth a fortune, and here she is, ending her days in a charity ward."
"How old do you think she is?" Yvonne asked, intrigued.
Dr. Nickelson shrugged. "It's hard to say. She may have been living rough for some time, and such a life will age a person. But her skin is surprisingly good, and her hair has a remarkable sheen." He picked up one of her hands. "See here, how firm and clean her nails are? Whatever she is, and however she came to be, this lady took great care of herself."
"This woman has a name." Nikki quipped.
"I'm sure she does," He said, without missing a beat.
"How old though?" Yvonne asked again.
Something about Monica had stirred Nikki's heart. It was amazing, but Nikki couldn't remember if she asked Monica her age. Monica appeared older, with dirt and living a harsh life, but now, looking at her sleeping state, Monica looked different. Younger. She reminded Nikki of herself. Similar features in a way. Why didn't she notice before?
Dr. Nickelson shook his head. "She could be in her mid-sixties or early seventies. Like I say, it's difficult to be precise. She doesn't have any identification so she could be anyone or no one."
"I wonder if she has a family somewhere." Yvonne said, interrupting.
"Who know? We're not paid to do detective work, my dear. We're here to mend bodies not the mind. She received a vicious battering. I believe she may go in her sleep, and that would be a merciful thing. I suspect it won't be too long before we have the use of her bed." With those words, he moved on to the next patient.
"Pay no heed to that old man Nikki," Yvonne quipped. "He should have retired a long time ago."
As Nikki considered his harsh comments, before someone stepped forward. "Ain't no good dwelling on it," Shell said, putting her two-bits.
Nikki didn't respond.
"That old bird been here a week," Shell persisted. "The Doctor's right. There's nothing else we can do for her, and you can't deny she taking up valuable space in here."
Drawing her aside, Nikki was sharp. "That 'old woman' you speak of is still a person, and this is a hospital. It's gentry with consciences who keep this place open," she reminded Shell.
"Don't pay attention to that tart," Yvonne said, rather annoyed with Shell's tactics. How she ever became a nurse was anybody's guess. She paid more attention to the male Doctors than the patients.
Feeling irritable and inadequate, Nikki was hitting out at everything and everybody. She was incensed by Shell's casual attitude. It wasn't the first time she questioned her place in the order of things. No doubt it would not be the last either.
"I know she might be gravely ill," Nikki said to Shell, "and I know that most of you, hence, 'most', but Monica's strong and might just surprise us all – if you and the good Doctor aren't too hasty in writing her off."
"Don't go all butch on me." Shell was taken aback by the outburst. "What's the big deal? We take scruffs like her all the time – destitute who nobody cares shite about what happens to them."
Nikki rounded on her. "People! Not once have you called them people, but that's what they are, just like you and me."
Shell shook her head. "Oh, no," she snapped back. "Not like you and me. I work bloody hard for a living, and if you ask me, no one would really miss any of them anyhow."
"Why don't you learn to shut your gob when you have nothing interesting to say, Shell." Yvonne quipped, realising that look in Nikki's eyes.
"Ain't we on the same page? I nurse their wounds and I fetch their bedpans, and I loathe every minute of it. The only comfort is at the end of the week when I get paid." Red-faced with anger, Shell cursed herself for revealing the truth.
Yvonne had always suspected as much but she was still shaken by the admission. "If that's how you feel you miserable cow," she accused angrily, "you should take up residence at a pig pen with Fenner so that the two of you can lie around in your own muck."
"Can't understand why so much hostility." Shell said. "That old nobody is taking up valuable space. The sooner she kicks the bucket, the sooner I can get on with things."
Conscious that Monica might be able to hear what was being said, Nikki grabbed Shell's arm and pushed her towards the door. "Is there anything new you want to add or do you like having those teeth of yours intact?" Nikki asked, her voice stern and steady.
Shell handed her the clipboard. "Nothing," she replied curtly. "Who knows, she might be worth a fortune." Shell was about to go through Monica's tapestry bag.
"What in the name of Heavens, do you think you're doing?" Nikki replied coldly.
"This old woman might have something of importance." Shell said unapologetically.
Nikki couldn't believe her eyes. "Have you gone out of your mind?"
"You heard what Dr. Nickelson said," Shell hissed. "What if she's really worth a fortune? That old vagabond is clearly on her way out so she'll not need it any more. Ain't hurting anyone and who would be any wiser."
Stepping forward, Nikki challenged Shell. How can a tart like her wake up every morning and face the world. It should be Shell not Monica fighting for her life. God had a cruel way of showing good versus evil. "Keep your snout out of her bag if you want to keep that pretty face of yours," Nikki ordered in a harsh whisper, "I will not, do you hear, repeat myself again."
"Don't be daft." Defiantly Shell turned the bag upside down, spilling its remaining contents on the bed.
"You disgust me." Gathering up Monica's belongings, Nikki made a grab for the bag. "Take it and I won't be so keen to restrain myself." Nikki promised.
"I don't think so," Shell sneered. "I'm a very convincing liar. You'd best think of it, Nikki." She said brazenly.
Nikki's face darkened. "Keep your gob shut or you'll pay dearly. And believe me, I won't think twice about doing it. And no one will give a shite about you, I promise." Nikki stood her ground with incensed eyes as she took another step closer to Shell, towering over her. "Don't pretend to be some idiot savant. But I am sure you have no clue what I am saying seeing you lack intelligence yet that doesn't give you reason to act like a buffoon."
"What are you getting at?" She said annoyed that Nikki was making her stupid.
"Did I hit a nerve," Nikki said smiling. "Are you mentally-incapable of forming a rationale sentence? Although I am going to guess that you are very knowledgeable or should I dare say gifted in a certain sexual manner, albeit only when you're in a missionary position."
"Hey," She'll went to say. But before she could continue Nikki interrupted her train of thought.
Nikki turned her head towards Yvonne who was trying to suppress a giggle. "Hey Von, would that qualify her as an idiot savant?" Nikki said with a straight face.
"Naw," she replied. "Don't group her with the other one off genius, she no clue what a savant means."
"Touch me and I will break every bone in your hand," Nikki turned to Shell who was reaching out with her hand.
"Excuse me," a red-faced Shell said in anger. "But I could report you both for misconduct."
Just then Yvonne walked by and leaned towards Shell. "You'd best listen, 'cos Nikki is a master at Shaolin Kempo Karate and if you value your life I'd back off tart, or I might just get my Charlie to whack those knees of yours too," Yvonne grinned as a startled Shell looked on. "You'd best believing because a one off with Fenner is paradise compared to what my Charlie would do to you." With that Shell excused herself quickly not wanting to stir the pot.
"Thanks, Yvonne," Nikki said, feeling a little relief.
Yvonne smiled widely. "No problem. I do my part to rid us of such a foul mouth tart like Shell Dockley."
"Why do they have to prejudge some back evidence, that doesn't pertain to this case?" Helen said irritated.
"Because the Roisin O'Conner case has never been solved. They wouldn't be doing their job if they didn't draw attention to it." Sean remarked.
"I feel it already. This could get in the way."
"Make sure you don't make the same mistakes. Making history repeat itself. Maybe you should think about comparing the cases. Find a link between them." Sean said getting under Helen's skin.
"What the hell do you think I've been doing?" Helen's nostrils flared. "You don't think I can handle this case on my own?" Sean was about to remark but she didn't give him the chance. "I've been working with Nikki and she has some wonderful insights about the case. She already thinks they're linked in some way or another."
"Nikki?"
"Yes, Nikki Wade the Clinical Psychologist." Helen wondered why she allowed herself to get manipulated by Sean. Why didn't she just say no when he wanted to come over. The more she was in the company of Sean, the more she realised how annoying he was beginning to get.
"What do you think? It's your case." He said jealous. "Nikki, she's the lesbian Clinical Psychologist who's seeing one of my clients."
"Meaning what," Helen spat. She did not like his jealousy creeping up. It was an ugly quality.
"I just didn't realise that Nikki Wade was the one helping you," Sean said innocently, but his voice gave away his disgust.
"Why should it matter if she's gay or bloody Jack the Ripper?" Helen said angrily. "She's brilliant and that woman has incredible intuition on things." Helen felt like she needed to defend Nikki in front of Sean. And she didn't like the undertones that Sean was implying. She didn't need his idiotic remarks.
"What if she fancies you, babe?" Sean said, disgusted with the thought. "I mean, you're easy on the eyes and…I'm just saying." He said feeling inept and wondered how Nikki Wade looked. Was she just as attractive as he heard she was? He knew that she was an excellent Clinical Psychologist from the people who had talked about her, but he did not like to think that she might fancy Helen. He made a mental to introduce himself. He wanted to size her up.
Helen cocked her head towards Sean, her face turning red with anger. "What the fuck Sean." She yelled. "You're behaviour is inexcusable and I don't want another smart remark coming from that gob of yours." She pointed at Sean's mouth. "Not another word." She meant business. She was not going to stand there and take Sean's crap.
"You're acting so defensive," Sean remarked, ignoring Helen's anger. "Do you have something to hide? You have been spending a lot of time with her lately."
"Right now Sean, you repulse me." As she walked away from him and headed towards the door, then turned around, "Get the hell out of my office if you're going to be a sodding prick."
Just then Dominic entered, a slight hesitation on his part. He could hear Helen arguing with Sean and wondered if he should wait. "Forensic has just come back with their findings." Dominic said, looking over a Helen waiting for her reaction.
"It is important?" Helen stated.
"You should read this and we need to pick up Colin Hedges again." Dominic replied.
Helen looked over at Sean. At least this would be an excuse to rid him. "Sean, I think you need to leave now, please." she said in a flat tone.
"Evidence I presume." Sean stated. Another moment ruined by her work. He would always come last. "You are run by work, and I am just a speck in your life right now."
"Piss off," Helen replied not caring how she sounded in front of Dominic. "I don't need your self-indulgence to guilt me. So you can stop your antagonistic strife and let me do my work."
Sean looked over at Dominic then back to Helen with an exasperate look on his face. His cheeks all but red from jealous and resentment. "As if I could," he remarked coldly, feeing embarrassed that he was made to look a fool in front of Helen's co-worker. "This discussion is not over."
Helen looked straight at Sean, with determination. "As far as I am concerned, it is."
Sean's blood boiled inside and at that moment he truly wanted to dominate Helen and make her feel his pain. The look in Helen's eyes did not show love for him but pure contempt. It worried him to his core.
"I've got nothing, to say to you, Detective. Not without my lawyer present."
"This isn't about you, Colin," Helen said, sitting in the hard chair.
Hedges looked dumbfounded. "Then why am I here? I've told you everything already."
"So you've said. So I guess you don't want a chance to help yourself out." Jim leaned over, with a straight face. Helen cringed, but she had no choice. Simon insisted that Jim work with her, over Dominic. Still, it was her case and she would still be in charged regardless of Jim's backstabbing. She had a strange feeling he was up to something.
"How can I help myself out if it isn't about me?"
"Good faith," Helen replied, smiling. She knew that Mason death was ruled a suicide and the case was closed officially, but that wasn't going to stop her from finding out the real truth even if no one believed her. In fact, Nikki was the only person who believed that Mason did not kill himself. Even Dominic was having a hard time believing someone would want to kill Mason. Most thought Mason got exactly what he deserved. This irritated her, much to her chagrin.
"Don't give me that good faith crap. Just stick it up your arse." Hedges said feeling irritated by the whole process.
"For a bloke who claims to be straight, you're awful big on wanting me to stick something up your arse," Jim observed.
"Sod you!" Hedges growled. "I'm suing you, Jim. And I'm suing this whole sodding police department. I know my rights."
Helen sighed with boredom. "Look, Colin, you tell me you're innocent. You tell me you didn't kill anyone. Do I presume to be right?"
"I didn't." Hedges pleaded.
"So help me understand some things. That's all I'm asking." Helen stated. She didn't know for sure if Colin Hedges had anything to do with Mason death, but she wasn't going to leave any stones unturned. Then she remembered what she and Nikki talked about. Something about Colin didn't settle well and she was going to find out what that something was and she was damned if she was going to let Colin's excuses play into part.
Hedges leaned against the chair and crossed his arms, thinking. "My lawyer says not to talk to you without him present."
"Once you've engaged counsel, nothing you say without him present can be used against you." Helen stated. She could see Jim nostril flare as if he wanted to continue with the interrogation, but she had no choice but to let him go. He wasn't officially charge with any crime.
Question: could Colin Hedges have killed Mason? Yes! Had he had the opportunity but what was the motive? She didn't know and couldn't ask Mason since he was dead. The case was officially closed. She had no right to pursue it further. Had she mentioned meeting Mason that night of the death.
Next question: if Colin had drugged Mason, knocked him out, could he have killed him? It might have been possible to get the victim into a sitting position on the edge of the bed, put the noose around his neck, then, hoist him up with the rope and tie the rope off on the bedpost all by himself. Perhaps it was that simple or perhaps she had it all wrong. Could that be possible? Was she losing her touch? If Mason wasn't murdered by Colin Hedges, then who did? Who else had a motive and why? What evidence did Mason possess? Most people were killed by someone they knew, for a reason that was simple. Suicide was an easy solution but the surface was bubbling and she knew it. She just had to find a piece, something to connect the dots. Mason's death and the women couldn't be lost in vain. Too bad she couldn't convince herself of that.
"I'm suing the police department." Hedges ranted, his heavy boots screeching on the hard floor as he paced a line back and forth to Helen's left.
Jim lit a fag, inhaled deeply, and exhaled a thin ribbon of smoke that quickly dissipated.
"You know that," Helen said. "It's a waste of your money that you already don't have, but hey, what do I care."
"What about false arrest, then?" Hedges exclaimed.
"You're not under arrest." Helen replied calmly.
"Harassment then," he exclaimed.
"We have a warrant. We have your fingerprints on the rope. You're basically screwed here, Colin." Jim said in a coy manner.
"I didn't kill Mason," he said emphatically. "And I tried to take the rope down, that's why my fingerprints were on the rope before the officers burst into the room."
"Why would you do something like that," Helen questioned.
"I wasn't thinking when I did it." Colin said. "I saw the rope and it was an instant reaction but I'm through with talking." Realising he already said too much.
Helen watched him from the corner of her eye. "Then you got nothing to worry about. So relax and calm down. I'll be right back." She went outside and saw Nikki standing and putting her coat on with an unlit fag between her lips. She grinned.
"I thought you quit smoking." Helen said to Nikki shaking her head. She was glad that Nikki was back helping her. In truth, she missed Nikki. She didn't realise that being apart from Nikki for days would have an affect her, but it did.
"You're in serious denial." Nikki laughed crudely. "Yeah well...anybody tell you that it's hard to stop. But I'm still working on it."
"Is that another excuse or are you trying to convince yourself." Helen replied.
Nikki grinned, putting her fag between her fingers. "See Helen," she replied. "I was just smoking my last fag before I got serious."
"Well, we'll just see how long you keep that promise." Helen said, looking Nikki over. She was just as beautiful as the day they first met, and then she remembered the kiss and her face became flushed as she turned away.
"How's Monica?"
"I'm afraid she's still unconscious." Nikki said. "I needed to get back to work as my workload was suffering."
"I'm sorry this had to happen," Helen said, giving Nikki a light squeeze and a warm smile.
Nikki held Helen's hand for a short while, then releasing it. "Thanks for your concern. I've done enough praying and all we can do is leave it in God's hands."
"You know my beliefs on religion, but I will give my prayers to Monica." Helen said, smiling.
Nikki smiled back before replying. "It's nice of you Helen." She stared at Helen realising why she was in love with the woman in front of her. Although, Helen had rough edges, she was equally passionate about the things she valued. She wasn't pretension and wanted to change the world as she did. Yet, reality was different from her mind. She took comfort knowing that Helen cared for her. How much she did not know but at least she cared.
Helen entered back into the room. "Okay, Colin. You're free to go."
Jim's nostrils flared. He was just having fun with Colin. "What, Helen? Free to go, but we're not finishing interviewing him."
Helen rolled her eyes. "As far as I'm concerned we're finished."
"Does that mean I can go?" Hedges said, smiling.
"Yes, I have no more questions to ask. But I wouldn't leave town." Helen replied. She wasn't through with Colin Hedges but she knew she wasn't going to get anything out of him without his lawyer present. She would have to use another method. Helen knew Jim wasn't pleased but it gave her a small comfort that she could still get under his skin.
"What the hell," Nikki shouted, jerking up and slamming her hand into the door. "Dammit, you scared the shite out of me." She rubbed a rapidly forming bruise on her hand.
An embarrassed Helen stood in front her Nikki, grinning. She looked cute in her hurt abandoning. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Please sit down Nikki. Here, let me look at your hand. It's bleeding." Helen said.
"Dammit, woman, you have a real bad habit of turning up without warning." Nikki sat down on her chair to give Helen a better view of her hand. "I'm beginning to think you really do have a death wish."
"I was already waiting here."
"Already waiting here?" Nikki echoed, raising her head to look at Helen. "Why the hell are you in my office? How did you get in?"
"Hold still." Helen pulled Nikki's hand back down. "You've got a bad gash in your hand."
"Forget about that. Why are you here?" Nikki demanded.
"Do you have a first aid kit somewhere in here? You could use a few stitches. This gash is almost an inch long. Hold still," Helen ordered, grabbing a couple of tissues to press against Nikki's wound.
"We're not going to make a fuss over a little cut like this," Nikki snapped, pressing the tissues to her hand. "I'll put some band aid on it and take a couple of aspirin. It'll be fine."
"Suit yourself. You're so stubborn but why should I care if you bleed to death. You really should get it checked." Helen said concerned. "It might get infected."
"It'll be fine," Nikki muttered, as her hand began to throb. Then she started to feel pain, but tried not to show it. She didn't want Helen to think she was weak. "See, just a minor cut, nothing to drag myself down."
"Do you have any peroxide?" Helen asked.
"Peroxide will hurt like hell."
"Alcohol hurts but peroxide doesn't. Don't worry, I'll be gentle. We need to clean out that wound." Helen said, playing nurse and enjoying every minute of it. I could get use to this she thought.
"Playing Nurse Betty. Fine, there's some in the drawer over there," Nikki said, resigned to her fate. "Grab me a Tylenol with codeine while you're in there."
"Having a little pain, are we?" Helen asked smiling, on her way to drawer.
"Just get the damn Tylenol as I am sure you are enjoying all this."
Helen returned with the drugs and peroxide. "You only need one of these and you shouldn't take them with alcohol."
"For god's sake, who are you, Queen Mary of innocence? Didn't realise you were a qualified medical person."
Helen handed Nikki the pills giving her a stern look. "Don't be such a martyr and listen to me." Helen said with a stern look in her eyes.
"Yes ma'am." Nikki grinned. She enjoyed Helen tending to her hand. She felt a warm sensation throughout her body as Helen touch her hand.
"Lean towards me so I can get this wound cleaned out." Nikki rested her hand against Helen's lap as Helen poured a little peroxide into the wound.
"Damn, that hurts like a hell," Nikki cried out, rearing away from Helen and whacking her chin with her hand. Helen stumbled against the counter, dropping the bottle and splattering peroxide over the tile. "Oh, shite," Nikki yelled, lunging forward to break Helen's fall. She slipped on the peroxide and they both fell.
When the dust settled, they were both on the floor, Helen on her back with Nikki half on top of her. Nikki looked at Helen who was staring deeply into her eyes. She wanted to kiss Helen again right there but the pain in her hand reminded her why that wouldn't be a good idea.
"We're not going to say a word about this to anyone," Helen said as she sat up. Ignoring the sharp pain in her right side, she wiped blood from the puncture wound her upper teeth had made in her lower lip.
"I'm so sorry," Nikki said, scrambling to help Helen up. "Are you alright?"
"I'll be fine," Helen said quickly trying not to sound weird. But when Nikki was lying on top of her she felt a strong surge of electricity run through her body that it made her blush. Why did she feel that? It was like thunder exploding, except that her body was on fire with desire and it scared her. It was the same desire she got when Nikki kissed her. She wasn't supposed to feel things like that about another woman. What did that say about her? She knew she was attracted to Nikki but maybe it was just a passing phase. Just a moment but that moment was gone.
Sensing that Helen was feeling embarrassed and not wanting to add to whatever was making Helen's face look as if she was just told of bad news. "What's your idea of heaven, Helen?"
For one strange reason, nostalgic moments always brought Trisha Harris into her mind. Trisha, bright laughing eyes and warm features that filled her with joy. She would have given anything to have her alive. But then she thought about the rape and that innocence was gone.
"My idea of heaven is four walls around me and a floor that doesn't roll when I move." Helen laughed. "It's a garden filled with flowers that waft there scent on a summer's breeze; where the bees flit from one blossom to another, where I can stroll and sit, and quietly think of the future. Heaven is sitting on a fallen tree in the woods and watching the animals play. Heaven is a house to come home to, with a roaring fire in the winter and the window flung open to the summer's breeze. Above all, is having the people I love with me." Helen moved away, her eyes thoughtful. "It's not worrying about whether the sea will take someone away from you for good."
Nikki was deeply moved by Helen's words. "Are you really that afraid?"
Helen couldn't believe she just casually let her feelings show. But she couldn't help it. She felt strangely comfortable around Nikki. In fact, she couldn't deny she felt a strong sexual urgency to kiss Nikki as she had done so many times in her dreams. But it was all wrong. "Of the oceans, yes."
"You never told me." Nikki smiled.
"I'm telling you now." Suddenly Helen's mood changed.
Nikki was surprised by Helen's sudden change. "Are you referring to your brother?"
"Sorry Nikki," Helen said, a sad look crossed her face. "But I'd rather not discuss my brother as this time."
"Okay," Nikki felt a little hurt.
"It's not you," Helen said trying to explain to Nikki. She didn't want Nikki to turn away from her. "It's just that I'm feeling a little emotional right now."
Nikki placed her hand over Helen's. "Say no more."
"So, what's been happening in your life?" Helen asked as she tended to Nikki wound once more. "Anything interesting?"
Nikki looked up her eyes wide. Helen sure had a way turning things around. Nikki just grinned, thinking about what she was going to say.
Helen toyed with Nikki's hand, her face solemn. Before Nikki could get a chance to speak Helen broke the silence. "I guess I'm undergoing... well, a crisis of conscience."
Nikki sat quietly, waiting. Helen obviously needed to talk. Something had dramatically changed since she first met Helen Stewart. She wondered if the case was beginning to drain her.
"It's been a... difficult year. This case is draining and I'm finding myself in all directions. Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going in life…" her voice trailed off, and her hand left Nikki's. Nikki reached out and covered it with hers, and she looked up gratefully. "I'm just trying to decide what's next." Helen sighed.
"We certainly have that in common." Nikki glanced away, then back at Helen. "I don't think it matters how old you are, or how many years you've been on this earth- everyone questions their direction." She quirked an eyebrow. "Of course, words are just empty when you're feeling overwhelmed. Perhaps we'd be better off getting hammered but then I'd suspect you'd tell me differently."
Helen laughed. "Probably, although you do have a point there. Shall we wallow in the bottle?"
"What wicked thought lay in that head of yours? Maybe a drink or two is what the Doctor ordered." Nikki laughed.
"I'd guess you'd have to find that one out for yourself, Nikki," Helen said flirting. "Have you ever been in love?"
"I don't think so," Nikki said. But I could fall in love with you a thousand times Nikki thought. "I thought I did once, but I think I was just infatuated with her."
"I'm sure someone as beautiful as you had many girlfriends?" Helen said, blushing a little.
Nikki laughed inwardly. "Nah, I'm just so picky, well at least that is what Karen says."
"Perhaps you just haven't found the right woman." Helen looked at Nikki with warm glowing eyes. She wanted to hold Nikki and feel her warmth. A part of her was lonely even though she had Sean. Being with Nikki, she never felt alone.
"I guess some of us aren't as lucky as you and Sean." Nikki quipped.
"I suppose so," Helen said quietly.
They were quiet for a moment, comfortable with each other and the quiet darkness of the hour. Nikki stole glances at Helen's face as she got up and walked towards the window.
When Nikki spoke, she startled Helen. Helen was quieting thinking about Nikki and how simple things were between them. "So, DCI Helen Stewart, what is it that questioning?" Her eyes were concerned, and Helen suddenly felt on the verge of tears.
Helen shrugged, trying to make light of the situation. "A lot of things, I guess."
"Sean?" Nikki dared to ask.
Nikki was too perceptive for her own good she thought. "Yes. Not just him, of course." Helen didn't even know how to begin articulating the concerns she was feeling. "But my... relationship with Sean is the centre of it."
"I'm sure whatever it is will sort itself out." Nikki said, feeling jealous of Sean. She had no right of course but she felt that Helen was beginning to feel something towards her. Perhaps just a little something. It was the way she looked at her. But then that was a dangerous thing because Nikki had been burned before by a straight woman. She didn't want her emotions being toiled.
"You're probably right, Nikki." Helen knew she should feel awkward discussing this with Nikki, but somehow, she didn't. It was actually a relief. But it was more and she was beginning to realise it. She tried to make sense of what was happening to her, and failed miserably. Her feelings for Nikki was growing no matter how hard she tried to deny them.
Nikki looked amuse. "You'd think by now that we'd have a grip on life, yet we always find ourselves scratching the surface. There are so many things we haven't tried, so much to learn." Nikki said, getting off topic.
"You've probably had more important things happen to you than I." Helen said not knowing why.
Nikki grinned. "Helen, your life is fascinating. Trying to solve cases, getting to the truth. I don't think I could do what you do."
"What are you babbling about?" Helen said, "You are far more interesting than I am. You deal with people's mind. Get to the heart of the matter. I think you're fascinating."
"You do?" Nikki questioned.
Helen blushed and looked down. "Yeah, I like you Nikki. You've been a good friend and I've so much to learn about you."
'Friend' Nikki cringed. What she wanted from Helen was more than just a friendly gesture but she had no right to think that way. "I feel the same way about you too Helen."
"Between the two of us, we'd be great as partners." Helen smiled, looking innocent.
"Partners in crime or in a relationship?" Nikki raised her brow pushing the envelope.
Helen just laughed. "Yeah, but working with you would be bad for my cholesterol." Nikki poked Helen's arm. Being around Helen was relaxing and Nikki wanted to look into Helen's eyes forever. She knew she was falling hard for the Detective and she had to stop herself.
"Here's to high cholesterol and drinking days ahead of us." Nikki laughed.
Helen laughed. Would it always be this innocent? The purity of friendship before it goes awry like every relationship does. Still, having Nikki around was something she wanted. She found herself wanting to spend more time with Nikki. She missed Nikki when she wasn't around. She had Sean, so why the hell was she attracted to Nikki? Yes, she was definitely attracted to Nikki. She could not deny the truth. Her body ached every time Nikki was near and it made her mad. The worst were the dreams. The sexual dreams she had about Nikki. It rattles her core.