The city of fear (part 1)

On the first day of March, after Avengers' meeting, Coulson asks Iron Man to stay.

'We need you,' he says, massaging his temples in his usual manner, reserved, from what Tony has gathered, only for a certain group of to-be-trusted people. 'When Thor came here, we had a… situation. It was not really advertised, so I don't know if you've heard about it,' he makes a pause, looking up, and Iron Man inclines his head meaning yes. 'Thought so. Around that time, an item was misplaced – well, lost – and we have finally determined the area where it seems to be, thanks to Doctor Banner. It's in the middle of the Arctic, so we could use your help with retrieving it.'

'What is it, exactly?' Tony asks when JARVIS doesn't give him any immediate answers; the files must be exceptionally well-protected or paper only, then. 'And when will you need me?'

'The teams are leaving tomorrow, but we won't try the actual retrieval before Monday. I will give you info on that, as long as you agree to take part in the mission; it's level seven clearance so I can't brief you without upgrading your security level.'

'Count me in, of course,' Tony replies, already itching to find out what the whole thing is about exactly. The last month and a half have been… nice, a complete change, he's rested a lot between Iron Man's scarce missions and trainings – and Nate's work.

It takes full ten minutes for Coulson to have everything ready for the security update and just then Fury walks into the room, signs the slip of paper and leaves without a word, his black coat swirling around his calves the way no leather should.

'These are the files,' Coulson says, handing Iron Man a small USB drive. 'You have information about the object, all mission details and coordinates for your arrival inside. If you have any questions –'

'I will see you on Sunday training session,' Iron Man cuts in, putting the drive into one of hidden spaces in the suit's arm. Coulson's eyes follow the movement of the mechanical fingers; he still seems quite mesmerized with the precision that Iron Man possesses despite being clad in metal. Tony thought the novelty would be gone by now, but it's kind of sweet and flattering, so he doesn't complain. 'Is that all?'

'Yes, you go now,' Coulson replies and checks his watch. 'Meeting in fifteen. Need to grab a coffee.'

'You do that,' Iron Man tells him, closes the conference room's door behind them and turns left to go to the elevator with roof access. Coulson turns right.

Tony flies to his workshop to work on the suit, there are some upgrades that he needs to make. He has been working on making the repulsor light even less visible than it is now and he's finally come up with a design that works, after month of trying. It's been one of the main concerns while flying the suit away from battle grounds: even if the panels make it practically invisible, the repulsors might be kind of conspicuous – and he has finally managed to reduce the initial brightness by 90%, making it look more like the hot air that comes out of jets or rocket's engines, making the air buzz, making everything look a bit blurry and kind of wavy. It's one of the things he's been working on most impatiently: when the upgrades are done, he will be able to fly the suit to and from his apartment and between places in the city without fearing too much about being spotted.

It takes him half of the night to replace the old repulsors with the new ones that he has prepared within the last week – and the other half of the night he spends on making the same kind of change in Mark V.

There are five suits ready to use at this point, even of if Iron Man, so far, has only been using two of them. Tony is incredibly proud of the newest design, though, still only half-assembled. Mark VII has all the features of the previous armor, but it's all reinforced and hides several new additions, mostly weapons, the way that they are completely invisible. An element of surprise never hurts.

When he is done, in the morning, he drinks a huge cup of coffee and finally opens the files that Coulson has left for him on the drive, the screens immediately flickering to life and the whole room filled with a blue glow of – the Tesseract.

'Fuck,' Tony breathes, staring at the too-familiar. 'Fuck,' he repeats strongly, going to the mini kitchen to make himself another coffee. 'JARVIS, show me everything we've got on this from Howard's archives that is not here.'

'Comparing the databases, sir, it will be finished and ready to present in seven minutes.'

'Perfect, J,' Tony murmurs, pressing the buttons of the coffee maker automatically. 'This is going to be such a mess,' he adds to himself – and it will.

Of course, S.H.I.E.L.D. and Coulson don't know who Iron Man is and don't realize that Tony is fully aware that Howard was one of the founding members of the organization. They don't know – wouldn't know, even if they knew Tony was Tony, or something like that, it gets complicated – that he has access to all the files that have never been made public and he is one of the two people who even knows about their existence: it's him and Scott. Just in case, because someone has to know.

Tony has heard so much about the Tesseract and Captain America, from Howard and from the other scientists working all around the globe to determine what might have really happened with Cap, that he doesn't really think the file might contain a lot new information.

And Tesseract, even if not currently used by some genetically freaky psychos, probably won't mean anything good. Tony is too much of a realist to believe otherwise.

'Sir, the only new data that S.H.I.E.L.D.'s file contains is the approximate location of the cube that has been discovered by a team recently, and answers as to the origin of the item itself,' JARVIS says finally, when Tony is stirring the brown sugar in his coffee, waiting for the lumps to dissolve.

6 a.m., Happy is going to wake up soon. Good that Tony can have JARVIS tell the man what is going on without any prompting, even. It's starting to get bright; the dawn will soon be in full swing, even if Tony can only see that through an artificial window that takes up half of the wall; the workshop might be underground, but Tony took care of his comfort given how much time he can spend there on occasion.

'Yes, J?'

'Thor has informed SHIELD that the Tesseract is of Asgardian origin, and apparently has been lost for centuries. The Red Skull, with unknown extraterrestrial help, managed to harness a small percentage of the cube's reported power. The Tesseract was lost when the Red Skull's ship was crashed by Captain America. The plane's wreckage was not found until recently."

'What is it supposed to be, then? According to the Asgardians?' Tony asks around the mug, feeling the pleasant warmth fill his body.

'A source of unlimited energy, if used right. The energy can be used for various purposes, and that seems to be the main concern if it falls in the wrong hands.'

'So we're assuming S.H.I.E.L.D. is the good hands…'

'Sir, there is another matter – there has been no study of the cube since Howard's research and no one seems to know how to make the cube work, even if it really is found.'

'They will be tampering with it,' Tony deduces, shaking his head tiredly. 'And unless they find some really good scientists, it might end up badly – wait, wait, wait, is Banner on this?'

'With Eric Selvig, the astrophysicist, sir.'

'Well. Maybe they won't make the Earth explode within a month then,' Tony jokes – even if it's only a half joke, since most of the good scientist seem to have bad ideas, too, and it might end up being pretty painful.

'Show me on the holo map where it is exactly and calculate the estimated flight duration for Mark IV,' Tony orders, getting up and going back to his desk where the data is displayed on multiple screens. 'And I thought I would get some rest, these two weeks off…' he sighs, puts a chewing gum into his mouth and goes back to work.

It's six hours before he leaves the workplace, feeling a bit stiff and achy from sitting in one place for such a long time – he's always been more of the hands-on man and not the analyze-data-for-hours type – but also satisfied; everything that has ever been written about Tesseract is now in his head, memorized from the files and Howard's research and some notes that were taken by S.H.I.E.L.D. from Hydra bases as soon as the organization starter working.

Secures serves, of course, but nothing is safe from JARVIS and Tony, so it takes them only half an hour to bypass the security measures and get access to the files.

'I thought you said you were going to get some rest,' Happy says as soon as he sees Tony walking into the apartment around 3 p.m., bearing a bag with burgers for late lunch or whatever the meal should be called.

'I know I said I want some rest but you know me better than that,' Tony counters, taking all the layers of clothes off himself; it's always so warm inside. 'Besides, it has passed already. Now I get a few days of feeling normal – we're sparring when we digest the food, okay?'

'As you wish, boss,' Happy agrees and takes the bag to the kitchen.

The radiation schedule for now is simple: two weeks in, three weeks out. Only the first session was shorter, so Tony is a week into the radiation-free period now. Just as Levy said, he is feeling much better than before the surgery; he has almost no stomach problems, the only three side effects he has to deal with now are easily manageable. Lack of appetite, he has JARVIS remind him the mealtimes and Happy make him actually eat, it's not too bad. Tiredness, that he's grown so fucking used to; it's nice that it passes after a few days and he gets two out of three weeks feeling good. At least for now. The marks from the beam are least of a problem: it's just some redness and swelling, but it doesn't even hurt.

Not so bad for now, Tony has decided.

'Scott is coming over in more or less a week,' Tony reminds Happy when he finishes his burger.

'I know, boss. JARVIS will remember to have the guest room ready for him, surely – have you thought when you are going to –'

'Not that again, baby,' Tony cuts in, sighing. Happy makes a face.

'You need to tell them. You are miserable.'

'I am actually very satisfied with how everything is turning out,' Tony counters and the words are perfectly honest. He has been doing a great job at somehow managing to make Nate Rives' life much less disappointing that Tony Stark's; he even has a meeting with Riverside in his schedule. Not sure how it will work – given that Nate doesn't speak – but he is excited anyway. It's all so – so easy.

'You are miserable,' Happy insists. He is right, too, Tony admits to himself. He misses both Pepper and Rhodey so fucking much, it's just that Tony Stark's disappearance is still kind of hot news and he can't afford to do anything that would make the world suspicious – and, okay, he has to admit that he is just anxious about their reactions, even if he knows they will forgive him at some point.

Ah. Things will be much less complicated then, but thinking about how to tell them makes Tony cringe.

'Less than before –' Tony argues, just out of habit

'It's not something you can compare like that,' Happy replies. Tony keep silent because now the man really is right. 'The repulsors done?'

'Done,' Tony admits. 'Now, all my attention to Mark VII. And Nate's job.'

'Something new there?'

'Just finishing some projects,' Tony says and gets up. He leaves the dishes on the table for one of the bots to clean up – he doesn't want them to be away from the house, so all the time he spends in his workshop in the other building, they do nothing more than some mundane tasks impossible to fuck up without supervision. And Tony knows they miss being busier and miss him, as much as they can miss something with the codes they have.

Tony has been taking programming jobs as Nate for ages now, but since all Tony Stark activities are out of picture, he's got some more time and he's been doing some projects as a volunteer, the best services free of charge; he knows there are many people who want to hire him based on what he's done, but he doesn't feel like that at all now. Just projects. Better for everyone, probably.

He has also started a… collaboration of sorts, with a few scientists who are trying to develop an artificial intelligence for medical purposes, and it's something Tony's been familiar with recently so he decided to give them a hand. Since JARVIS has been Tony's big secret – there are very few people who know what exactly the A.I. can do, most of the world thinks it's just a greeting-weather-interactive search engine kind of thing. JARVIS is so, so much more. It's only better that no one knows that, one less problem he will have to take care about… later. So that JARVIS won't be left alone and won't have to deal with any potential problems.

Both him and Tony know perfectly well what humanity would think about him. JARVIS is happy to be Tony's special thing.

The jobs are exciting and different from anything that Tony Stark has ever done – as an engineer, a physicist. Everything is so much smaller than SI and yet hundred times more rewarding.

Avengers' Sunday training is similar to the previous two, even if they are all slowly starting to learn to trust and rely on each other and the moves as a team are much smoother and easier. They are geniuses in their superhero work – even the Hulk, in his own way. It might seem strange – as they are completely different people who see each other rarely, save the trio that lives in S.H.I.E.L.D. quarters – that it's so natural and easy, but Tony thinks the great deal of that is Coulson's involvement. The man is a brilliant strategist, but more than that: he has an uncanny ability at reading and getting people and it took him little time to learn to push each person's buttons and motivate them the way that works best.

On Monday, Tony leaves at 0600 hrs as the flight, according to JARVIS, should take three hours, and the team would like Iron Man to be around 0900 at the base.

There are both Coulson and Fury are there with the team; it would assure Tony that it's a very serious matter if he hasn't been aware of that before. Everyone is in special thermal clothing and all that Tony can see of their faces is eyes and noses; it looks pretty funny. It's good that no one can see him laughing inside the suit.

'Iron Man, we will be taking a helicopter to the exact site of the extraction. It should take us twenty five minutes to get there –'

'I will leave with you and wait there. It's a moment for me on high speed.'

'Very well,' Fury hums and gestures at the rest of the team – five people – to get into the machine and a moment later it takes off. Tony is up in the air within a second, flies past the helicopter and straight to the place he has coordinates for.

It looks like nothing but ice, ice and more ice, of course it does: the Tesseract is supposedly a bit below the surface – but yes. JARVIS starts to pick up energy signals and gamma radiation as soon a Tony lands, almost exactly above the cube.

He manages to melt two meters of the ice before the helicopter comes in sight; four more to go. Tony fancies he can see a blue glow, but it must be a trick of light; it's scientifically impossible. It's a nice illusion though.

'You do that carefully,' Fury snaps as soon as he gets onto the ground, the sweet person he is. Iron Man nods and continues his job, Tony decided it's good that Fury doesn't – didn't have anything to do with Tony Stark, they would hate each other. Like Stark and Coulson.

'Wow, quit talking to yourself in third person, baby,' Tony murmurs, his words never escaping the helmet. 'Or maybe I shouldn't,' he muses and laughs lightly. 'This is absurd. It's like the least appropriate moment for this – fuck it. I was supposed not to talk to myself. I am talking to you, J, you hear me?'

'Obviously, sir,' the A.I. offers sounding a bit too amused for Tony's liking. 'In this situation it seems to be justified that you address to yourself in third person, sir, when you are talking about Tony Stark. Since you are not exactly him, at least not legally. At this point. From the world's point of view.'

'You're not much help here, J,' Tony mutters, but he is smiling. 'Now, enough chit-chat, give me the numbers on this – where is the rest of the team?' Tony asks, JARVIS obeys his words and offers him the data on the cube and the other members of the team who are apparently preparing the container for the cube, checking if everything is in place and noting is broken or malfunctioning. That's all fucking important stuff.

'Iron Man?' Coulson asks, coming up to him. Tony can't really see the man, but sensors are picking up his presence and JARVIS displays them in the corner of the HUD. Good thing that Tony can multitask and easily focus on a few different sets of information at the same time. 'How long –'

'I am halfway through,' Tony replies, the metallic voice sounding somehow strange in the frozen air. 'But the last half a meter, we'll need to do it like we discussed. No more violent melting, or we might trigger something.'

'Of course,' Coulson agrees, looking down into a big hole that Tony has created and is currently hovering inside. 'Impressive.'

Iron Man doesn't react, just keeps melting the ice carefully and getting rid of the water simultaneously.

It is half an hour before he gets deep enough to stop. There is only half a meter of ice between him and the Tesseract now and he can definitely see the blue light, he can almost trace the cube's perfect shape. It's mesmerizing even from that far.

The rest of the ice must be carefully removed using simple tools and not heat, so it takes Tony and three S.H.I.E.L.D. agents in climbing gear – Tony could fly them up and down, no problem, but they don't seem too eager to let him – another hour to finally break the last thin piece of ice and expose the Tesseract.

Tony takes a deep breath and thanks heavens for being in the suit, where JARVIS controls his movements, otherwise he would stumble back, as much as that is possible in a flying suit and in such a small space.

The color of the cube is the same, the same exact color of Tony's reactor and it probably doesn't mean anything. But it's a bit unexpected. Tony hasn't realized that it will be the same. It seems to mean something, Tony just has no idea what.

Or maybe he's just imagining – well. No time for that.

He takes the cube delicately with is gloved hands, it's surprisingly heavy, and flies up to hand it over to Coulson, who has the suitcase opened and waits by it with Fury. Tony places the cube inside carefully and the safety locks click closed simultaneously. Everything seems perfect.

The rest of the team gets out of the deep hole, the gear is quickly packed and within five minutes everyone is back in the helicopter and a moment later it takes off. Tony looks around, JARVIS scanning the area for anything they might have left – but there is nothing, S.H.I.E.L.D. is too good for such simple mistakes – so Tony takes off, too.

'Can you fly me a bit around, baby? Give me a route on the HUD – since we are here, why shouldn't we see a bit more of the ice?' Tony tells JARVIS two minutes into the flight. He has to wait another twenty for the team to get to the base, at least. Boring. And he won't be in the area for a long time.

Or maybe never. Ah.

'Shall we make a circle around the base, sir? Calculated time, eighteen minutes, two minutes before the helicopter at the base.'

'Sure, we'll tell them we're doing surveillance…' Tony murmurs and turns to right, just like JARVIS shows him on the HUD.

Maybe it's not the most fascinating of trips – there is ice, ice, snow, ice, it's all white and lifeless and freezing, with an occasional mountain here and there – but the view is quite lovely, overall. Completely different from what Tony sees every day, obviously; the sky is a strong blue color, clear, with some orange and pink glow on west. The day is going to end soon.

Just as Tony is halfway through the lap he is doing, the suit's sensors pick something up.

'JARVIS?' Tony asks worriedly, focusing on the information that is displayed on the HUD. 'What the hell?'

'The sensors have picked up a living object, sir, but the readings are unusual – that's why it shows up, I have canceled out all the animals we've passed – we'd have to get closer to get better readings, sir. Do you want to?'

'I think we have to. I just hope it's not some fucking aliens, I've seen enough X-files to know where this could be going,' Tony snickers, but it's rather nervous. He shouldn't be nervous. If there were aliens in the area, S.H.I.E.L.D. surely would know…

'Descending, sir – do you want to land near the place where the signals are coming from?'

'Yeah, J, lets,' Tony agrees and frowns, concentrating on the things the sensors are indicating. They don't make much sense. Really…

The suit lands on the ice – looking perfectly innocent – and JARVIS immediately starts a more detailed scan, since he doesn't have to command the suit's flight and give Tony information straight away, and Tony calls Coulson at the same time.

'I will be a few minutes late,' he tells the man as soon as he picks up. 'I've got something curious here, via my sensors. I will let you know when I know more – shouldn't be more than a few minutes. I am seven minutes of flight away from the base, my speed.'

'What is it?' Coulson asks, sounding a bit worried – Tony has learned to notice that certain tone.

'I don't know yet. You have to wait,' Tony replies and disconnects.

'Sir, it seems to be a form of life approximately twelve meters under the ice surface, embedded in the ice, between two ice units. The ice around is a different structure, as if it much more recent than all of it around. There must have been a crevice there.'

'What the hells is it, J?' Tell me it's not aliens –'

'Human form, sir. The shape is human, but I detect no heartbeat or any other activity. The data is difficult to collect through all the ice, but all I can find is that the body's temperature on the surface is 35, and inside approximately 61 degrees.'

'What the hell?' Tony asks loudly, staring at the data in front of his eyes.

This shouldn't be possible. Whatever this is supposed to be.

'Coulson, I've got something here. It's – it's human. In the ice. Appears to be hibernated, but alive. Twelve meters under the surface.'

'Fuck,' the agent swears and Tony's eyebrows go up. The first time he's hears the man be anything but perfectly composed. There is a moment of silence before the agent responds. 'We'll give it a look in a few days, Iron Man. Now, the cube is the priority – we have to get it to the research facility and set everything up there. Whatever it is, in the ice, it can probably wait for a few more days.'

'I will give you all the data when I am back,' Tony assures the man, gives JARVIS a sign and taking off. That's probably a must; the Tesseract really can't be just left in the makeshift base in the middle of all the snow.

Back with the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, Iron Man gives Fury and Coulson a full report about the discovery, even if there isn't much to say. Tony wishes he knew exactly who – what – the human under the snow is, but the ice makes it impossible to get a visual.

'We will come back in a week,' Fury decides. 'Tesseract first. Are you up for a bit of discovery, Iron Man?' he asks, turning his head to Tony and staring at him with his one good eye. Iron Man nods slightly. 'Now, get me Mason on the line, I need him to get all the data and analyze it with his team,' Fury snaps, turning around and stepping into the other room. Coulson dismisses Iron Man, thanking him for the help, and Tony goes back home.

Three hours. JARVIS plays him some music from when we're flying for too long for our own good playlist, but Tony's thoughts are completely somewhere else.

What human being could be living, buried inside an ice mountain?

The next few days pass lazily and nicely. The weather is getting better, with more sun and pleasant temperatures – still nowhere near Malibu, but Tony doesn't want to complain much – and somehow, it makes him feel better. Mostly the sun, and the days that are getting longer and longer. It's so great to cut down the use of artificial light, especially when Tony gets enough of that when he is in his underground workshop.

Scott comes over on Saturday. Happy goes to pick him up from the airport when Tony stays in the house and makes some food; there will be enough time for takeouts later. He knows Scott will appreciate it a lot.

'You've lost weight again,' Scott says before he even walks into the apartment, as soon as he sees Tony across the corridor. Tony pouts.

'I don't like you,' he says, letting the man in. Happy closes the door and a second later, when Scott's luggage is set down on the floor, he hugs Tony tightly.

'Ouch, I can feel your bones hurting me,' Scott states and Tony pouts some more. He knows he's lost a few pounds, but he's far from being all bones. He's been running and working out – not as much as before, and different kind of exercises, but hey, he's not skin and bones.

He will be, he knows, it's inevitable that his digestive system will be fucked up. Just not yet.

'Why do all of my friends have to be so bossy?' Tony whines, pulling away to get a better look of Scott who looks exactly the same way he has for years. Maybe decades. British elegance. 'I mean, Doc feeds me more supplements than a pregnant woman. Happy basically puts me to sleep whenever he can and fusses over me like a freaking grandmother. And now you, instead of enjoying New York, are going to coddle me like a baby? Annoooying,' Tony sings songs.

'Very well, Nate, my boy. I am glad someone take care of you, because you are unable to do so.'

'You are all mother hens,' Tony murmurs, rolling his eyes.

They eat the dinner – soup and pasta, Tony is not the best cook in the universe, but he's picked up some skills over the years – and when they are finished, there is a question of what to do. Scott has been in New York enough times to have visited all the touristy places and other interesting sights; it's far from the reason of his little trip.

'We don't have to do anything, really, if you don't feel up to it –'

'Stop it right there,' Tony cuts in firmly, shaking his head. 'Okay, I know, you're just looking out for me, blah blah, you want the best for me, blah blah, I get it. Thank you. But can we go and do something stupid now? You know I fucking need it. Pretending to be normal.'

'Stupid thing, like?'

'I don't know? Shop at Wall-Mart?' Tony asks, making a face, and Happy and Scott look at him questioningly. Tony shrugs. 'Well, I've been picking up skills but it still sounds like a weird thing to do when you have been Tony Stark all your life?'

'Point,' Happy agrees.

'Or we could run around naked or something,' Tony adds pensively, but he already has a plan in his mind. Crossing off one more thing from this clichéd to-do-before-I-die list.

'You're supposed to be undercover, not trying to make people know you are Stark, Nate,' Scott says with a perfectly straight face and it takes him full three seconds to burst out laughing. Tony and Happy join in and Tony is sure JARVIS would, too, if he did something as prosaic as laugh.

'Okay,' Tony says weakly when they are finally half-calmed down. 'So the first idea was better. We are going to a supermarket, the biggest one we can find in the area, and we're getting all Pop Tarts flavors they have. I want to try them all.'

'You said you were not going to do all those silly things,' Happy whines, but gets up from the sofa and grabs the keys from the table. 'But I guess if you really insist…'

They do end up going back to the apartment with twelve different kinds of Pop Tarts and then they have a bad movie plus too many-sweets party. Scott is not the one to do these kind of things usually – he's a perfectly normal, calm man – bout around Tony's vibrant self, well, a lot of unusual things are bound to happen. Or around Nate.

Scott stays for a week. Noting special happens in the meantime, really, not even Iron Man stuff. Fury calls Tony on Sunday to tell him that a trip to the arctic has been postponed due to really bad weather conditions there; he can't risk sending his people there in such moment. They are supposed to go on Monday, 19th, what doesn't make Tony too happy because he starts radiation on the same day. He probably could do three hours there and three hours back of flying ever afternoon, but that's tiring.

Hopefully they won't need Iron Man there all the time.

On the last day, Saturday, there is kind-of-a-party with Tony, Happy, Doc, and Scott in attendance – JARVIS too, as always – and Tony figures it's a bit absurd, having all the people that know all his secrets in one place. The only five beings that can connect the three remote dots. It's like the most super-secret club ever.

There is pizza, New York style, and Tony eats as much as he can, fully aware that when the radiation starts, he won't be feeling like eating at all.

And they talk. A lot.

It's sweet how everyone circles around the subject, never getting to the bottom of it, but Tony gets bored with the games after an hour or so. Somehow, they all seemed to be okay with the knowledge that Tony shared with them – you know, I am gonna die quite soon – but when they are all together, they seem shy about it. Unsure.

Tony hates being the most responsible being around. Save JARVIS, but JARVIS doesn't count.

'I hate it when you're sulking like this,' he tells them around midnight, when all of them are at least a bit tipsy. Nate might not have Stark's famous home bar filled with the most expensive alcohols on the planet, but he does have some good stuff hidden for the rare moments when it does more good than bad to have some scotch. 'I think I am past sulking, you know, I think I have been for at least a month. Please. Don't make me feel bad, guys. I know that me having this fucking thing inside me is probably hurting you more, because well, I die and I'm done with everything and you stay here and you've got to deal with whatever emotions you might have, and it's gonna take you some time to forget I existed.'

'What the hell are you talking about, Tony?' Doc asks, leaning over the table to get a better view of Tony, hidden behind Happy's bigger silhouette.

'Not sure,' Tony admits tiredly. 'It's just that – don't mind if you talk about me dying. If you fucking joke about me dying. I'm good with that.'

'You can't be good with that, boss,' Happy counters, turning his head around to look at the older man, playing with the glass in his hands, something he's picked up from Tony.

'There is nothing we can –'

'There is nothing but we'll keep. Fucking. Looking. You know this,' Doc states firmly, setting his glass on the table with a thud. 'Let's dance.'

'What?' Tony asks, shaking his head and half-getting up from the sofa. 'What, Doc?'

'Well, since there are no girls and I'm not going to have sex with you, we need something else to have fun. You like dancing. You're tipsy enough to be dancing and you're not throwing up or fainting right now what might not last for too long.'

'Well, if you put it like that,' Tony agrees and gets up.

It ends up as one of the weirdest nights if Tony's life – and that is, given his rather interesting past, as accomplishment – all recorded by JARVIS and put under a Very Secure File label by Tony as soon as he wakes up in the morning.

But it is fun, mindless fun. Silly but most relaxing few hours of the last… year and a half, probably, or more. Totally carefree because he knows if he fucking falls, there is someone there to catch him, there is someone behind to support him, few people but faithful people; it's the greatest thing he could have wished for.

In the end, Coulson assures Tony that S.H.I.E.L.D. team will manage to do the whoever-extraction op by themselves – we've done those things before, don't worry – and he's welcome to come by when they will be getting the person out of the ice and will finally know the answer to this crazy riddle.

Coulson and Fury surely have their suspicions, Tony knows, and he probably has the same one, but he can't exactly share so he has to wait.

Tony is lucky: the team is getting to the bottom of the hole – literally – on Saturday, so he doesn't have to rush from the hospital. The week hasn't been so bad, all things considered; not much nausea and no vomiting. Probably because of all the pills Levy is feeding him, but it doesn't matter much as long as Tony is feeling good. Nate finished a few projects, too, and he has started working on a few small things: JARVIS keeps finding him announcements of charities looking for IT help and he does as much as he can without contacting them in person. They usually don't mind him working via email since he does it for free.

When Iron Man finally flies to the place where the team is working, he finds a mini-base around, guarded by S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, with guns and other weapons on hand, as if someone was about to randomly wander a few hundred miles into the ice.

Tony is almost sure who the person will be when he gets there and flies down the giant hole and sees traces of a special shade of blue and some red. Everyone around seems to be jumping around with excitement: Coulson told him what can they expect, Tony learns a few moments later.

It takes them two more hours to extract a block of ice in which the figure is embedded and transport it up to the surface with Iron Man's help.

It is Captain America. Of course it is. Fuck.

Tony is much less surprised that he should, he decides, and much more tired.

Iron Man gets to see Captain America sleeping, being slowly unfrozen, together with Coulson, Clint and Natasha – they have insisted he call them with their names, instead of code names, it feels a bit strange because he genuinely doesn't have an appropriate name to offer – and Bruce and Spider Man are away, somewhere. They are always busy with their own affairs.

'Just out of curiosity, do you have protocols for something like this?' Tony asks as they stare at the man through the glass. The ice is almost gone, but he is still in the state of hibernation and the medical team will try to wake him up slowly. It might take any length of time from a week to a month, the say; it's unprecedented so the only thing they can do it guess.

'We have protocols for time travel. We have rewritten them to match this case.'

'So what do you do when he is awake?'

'Well, the plan is, put him in a familiar environment and then break the news to him piece by piece –'

Tony scowls internally. Captain America is not just a dumb poster boy like most people might think, he was actually a rather bright man. Tony has heard a fucking lot from Howard, like whole eposes, recited with passion. He probably knows more about Captain than any person alive – he just can't explain that.

'I don't think it's a good idea,' he cuts in. It really isn't. Rogers will see through the deception and regard them as the enemy, or hostilities at least. 'I mean, he was a brilliant strategist. We all know that. Unless you plan is perfect and has not even a single flaw, this might work, but you won't earn his trust. He is a soldier. I think he would appreciate honesty much more – and again, I am sure he would notice something is wrong if anything was off. Can you be completely sure the deception is perfect?'

'Why do you think that?' Natasha asks. Clint and Coulson eye him curiously.

'That's what I would imagine I would feel like if I woke up in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people around. The world has changed too much to make the game you want to play look casual and natural, and that's what it would have to be like to fool him.'

'I agree,' Clint says, offering Iron Man a grin. 'The man is right. He was a soldier. Died taking down fucking HYDRA. He will be looking for any flaws because Red Skull is one of the last things he will remember when he wakes up.'

'All right,' Coulson agrees, massaging his temples. 'Okay. So we just what, tell him everything?'

'He will wake up in medical. That should be enough for him to wait for explanations,' Clint offers, eying Natasha meaningfully.

So, a story between them that Tony might or might not hear. Another story.

'I will talk with Director. We still have some time,' Coulson agrees in the end, and they stand silently, watching Captain, for a few more minutes.

A day after he finished radiation – exhausted like hell, but at least without the stomach acting up or something similar – Tony has a visit at Riverside Group Home. He's been sending them money for half a year now and from the letters he got back, the resources were really used in a good way, mostly for renovating the place, since the building is rather old, and for supplies for the kids.

There are thirty, three of them toddlers, too young to have made him a Christmas card – he still has them totally on display in the living room and doesn't plan at all to ever move them anywhere else.

For the last two months and a half Tony has practiced being Nate Rives and he's proud to think he almost reached perfection – and not physically, even with the henna and some other funny things he has to do again and again, feeling like a teenage girl before prom, just like Scott said – but mentally. When he is in the house it's easy: nothing really changes. It's a familiar space where everyone is safe and an insider and he can be himself.

But outside – he has to be more Nate. Obviously, he never speaks. Communication is ASL that he has known for a long time, and writing on a small tablet he's constructed that he always has with himself. The notebook thing is sweet, but too movie-like and impractical; JARVIS helps him type almost as fast as he would speak. Tony is quite sure JARVIS could communicate for him completely, since he's analyzed Tony's speech enough to know which word is likely to come after another.

People turn out to be very friendly and helpful and Tony smiles a lot and hey, it's even genuine. It's far from Tony Stark's public smiles.

And he can wear sneakers now, all the time. Pepper forbid him doing that somewhere at the beginning of their collaboration and he listened to her because she was so serious about the shoe business. Nate wears Converse and Nike and he even has a pair of special limited edition Iron Man ones, produced over a year ago, when the whole superhero deal has started.

He has to remember to change his mannerism, too: Tony gesticulates a lot, he is overbearing and makes his presence unconsciously obvious to everyone in the room, he emanates energy, inner strength and self-importance; most of it is an exaggerated behavior he grown used to so much that it's been almost natural for decades. He does like the attention, though, that much is true, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to pull the game off for such a long time. Just, being Nate is – purifying. Easy. Tony doesn't have to act at all, doesn't have to wonder what others will think, doesn't have to calculate. There are no paparazzi and no journalists and no nobody looking out for every mistake he makes. He can be the timid, brilliant, funny, and undeniably a bit insane man he's always been, in the depth of his workshop, away from the world.

As for Tony Stark, the world is still crazy even though it's been a few good weeks since Pepper has announced to the world that the man is missing.

Of course he left her a note, although it wasn't exactly helpful, it said: you've got enough projects to keep SI running for years, all on the hard drive, ask JARVIS, kisses for you, P. Not his best, but it contained everything he needed her to know – and she deduced the rest. She knows him well enough to get what he would acts like.

Tony Stark has enough wit and resources to disappear from the surface of the earth, presumably to spend his time in a hidden mansion, equipped with alcohol, call-girls and similar stuff. People seem to be looking for him, even now, but it's more of the force of habit than real hope. Well, besides Pepper and Rhodey. They might be still genuinely looking for him, even though they know they won't find him if he doesn't allow it. It's cruel and Tony promises Happy every week he is going to tell them everything soon, but he can't define soon.

'When it feels right and when the situation will be stabilized enough,' Tony tells Happy.

Happy asks what situation. Tony shrugs, each time, and never replies in words.

It is too soon and he is too much of a coward and knowing that the later the more difficult it will be, they don't help him make the decision.

Soon, soon, soon, probably not really. Tony is managing to run away from it for now.

Happy has a whole giant box of newspapers and magazines about Tony Stark's disappearance and all the jazz. They are very amusing, Tony has to agree, and mostly terribly exaggerated, calling him the worst person ever and sometimes the hero that has been forced by the media to run. Kind of true, even if they have the details all wrong. JARVIS, as always, records all the TV broadcasts about Tony – it's part of his usual job – but no one ever watches them. Tony wouldn't be able to bear seeing Pepper almost crying on the screen.

No one is able to recognize her almost crying but Tony and Rhodey and Happy, so she wouldn't even have to act too much. Everyone praises her great job with SI, though, and it helps her to be herself a bit. Well, that Tony guesses, but he knows her as well as she knows him. And with Stark gone, the media have been very positive towards Pepper, just like Tony has planned it, and SI stock is doing really great.

So when Tony leaves the apartment and get into the car, driving by himself – Levy has cleared him for that, no medal contraindications – it's easy not to think about what has been happening even half a year ago. Nate is enjoying his life a whole fucking lot, against all odds.

Riverside director is waiting to greet Tony by the entrance, simile so wide that Tony decides his face must hurt from that.

'Miles Gordon,' he introduces himself, shaking Tony's hand. 'It's so nice to finally meet you, Mister Rives.'

'Call me Nate – and it's a pleasure to be here,' Tony types. The man has been informed of Nate's disability and the form of communication before.

'Then you must call me Miles. Let's go inside,' he adds, making space for Tony to walk into the building. There are two women, one older and one younger, waiting for him in the hall. 'Miss Laura Carr,' Miles introduces the older woman. 'She is the heart of this place, if I may call myself a brain. And Miss Annik Hatten – she takes care of our youngest who are napping at the moment. There are three more of us, as you know, but they are in the common room with children, working on a project.'

'It's my pleasure to meet such beautiful ladies, Miss Carr, Miss Hatten,' Tony offers and bows slightly. They almost giggle like teenage girls. It's sweet. Tony has learned that while as a Stark, bowing was regarded more a him being funny, as Nate, it is mostly regarded as a charming and cute. He laughs internally at that, but it's nice to be called that without any… implications or expectations. 'This place feels really warm, if I may,' he adds. The trio smiles.

'We try,' Miles replies, showing Tony the way to the common room.

The women and the rest of the staff – Tom, Joan and Cecile, all in their late twenties, it seems – insist he call them by their first names. He gladly agrees, it makes communication much easier and informal.

It takes about five minutes for him to feel at home and he knows there is no escape now.

The kids don't mind him not speaking at all and it so natural that he can't help but feel all teary inside, and just a tiny bit on the outside. And they ask questions, endless questions, and it's not nosy or intrusive, it's just plain curiosity and happiness at meeting someone who wants to come to them. Even the teenagers stay and listen, ask, interact. Tony has never has that much contact with teenagers, even when he was one, thanks to going to MIT when he was 14, but he would have expected them to be bored and disinterested. Or something. He is probably generalizing, but his perception of teenagers is – well, was, up to now – more of what he's heard from the others than what he's seen himself.

They are, of course, amused by his inability to remember their names. It is totally fake, he does remember all the names, always, even all those models and journalists and the rest of the high society girls, he has just learned that pretending not to remember is highly amusing for both parties.

The teenagers, already in high school: Sam, Francesca, Milo, Rebecca, Austin; the middle school ones: Tiffany, Helena, Vico, Jamie, Marcel, Paul, Maddox. The primary school kids: Caleb, Evan, Skylar, Lucy, Leah, River, Mark, Isa, Sydney, Connor, Lana. The preschoolers: Rosa, Eileen, Miah, Simon – and finally, the three famous toddlers: Lino, Leila and Mikayla.

See. Easy.

Ton spends three hours observing them playing, at some point forced to draw and glue things and paint, too – he tells Miles several times that no, he doesn't mind getting dirty or leaving with paint on his trousers – and he completely forgets about the whole world outside. When Annik comes to tell the kids to get slowly prepared for dinner, it's hard to believe that all the time has passed already. Tony doesn't really have anything special to do today, but tomorrow is the 1st what mean the Avengers' meeting and training on the same day, so he knows he should leave and rest a bit after the two exhausting weeks. There is still a lot a lot of energy left in his body, it seems, but he knows himself well enough to expect an epic crash when he comes home – and passing the rest of the day on the sofa.

Not a bad plan, especially that Happy, playing a housekeeper, will surely be waiting with something he should eat even if he's not hungry at all.

Before he leaves Riverside, though, he makes a deal with Miles and promises he will come every two weeks and more often if he will be able. He will make sure he will be able.

A/N: This is part 1 out of 3 of The city of fear. There will be more team and loosely followed Avengers plotline soon.

I can't express how thankful I am for any kind of feedback on this story. It's a time- and energy-consuming monster and whereas I do enjoy writing it a lot, it would be even more of an amazing experience if I could read what you think and if you enjoy yourselves. If you can spare a second to drop me any comment you would honestly make my day! :)