Dear readers, enjoy this chapter. Not much to say except that things will start to get interesting and darker. Drop me a line and let me know what you think. I have changed added some extra dialogue and changes some things in this chapter when I was proof-reading it. You might not even notice, if you do enjoy.
Chapter 17
"So Helen, how are you and Sean doing?" Karen asked with a smile, knowing that she would get Nikki's attention, which did not disappoint her.
"We're just fine," Helen said as a matter of fact, not really wanting to talk about him, especially in front of Nikki.
"I can't believe you agreed to marry that toad," Yvonne said, not caring if she sounded impolite. She had little patience for Sean, whom she had expressed disapproval. She was not one to hide her displeasure if she thought the person was a snake as she thought Sean Parr was.
"I know you don't fancy him," Helen said defeated. "You've made that clear many times before, but can you be a little less obvious."
"Pay no heed to her Helen," Karen replied, shaking her head at Yvonne and giving her the 'what the shite' look. "She has no manners." Yvonne kicked her leg under the table which made Karen yelp.
Just then Helen's mobile went off. "Speak of the devil," she replied sounding annoyed. "Hello Sean." She said flatly.
"And hello to you too. You don't sound happy to hear from me?" He replied, breathing into his phone feeling irritated.
"Why are you calling me when you know I am with friends?" She said impatiently, trying not to sound annoyed to the others but her voice was harsh.
"Can't I call my fiancée because I miss her?" He pleaded. He was wondering why Helen was being cold to him.
Helen got up motioning to the others as she wanted to have some privacy. As she walked towards the other room Nikki watched her demeanor turn fridgid. Her face seemed flush and she knew from her expression that she wasn't happy that Sean called. "Sean, why are you really calling me?"
"Tsk…tsk…I didn't realise I needed a reason?" He said loudly to her. In truth, he wanted to know if Nikki mentioned anything about their encounter but Helen had not mentioned anything.
"Are you checking up on me? I feel like you are letting your jealous nature get the better of you." Helen spat. She didn't know why she felt irritated by him but she did. What did that say about her?
"Why should I be jealous? Is there a reason I need to be jealous?" He said in a cunning way. A part of him did not trust Helen. He knew there was something terribly wrong with their relationship and he could not put his finger on it but ever since Nikki Wade came into the picture Helen has not been a doting fiancée. In fact, they have not been intimate for weeks. Something he could not understand. He was trying to be patient with Helen as he knew her work was putting a huge strain on her, but there was more to the picture.
"Don't be condescending," she said angrily. She did not want to get into another debate or argument. All they did was argue and it was getting on her nerves. She was close to breaking. "You know where I am so there is absolutely no reason for you to call, unless of course, you have another motive?"
"Why are you being a heartless bitch?" Sean said exasperated. "You've been so cold to me and I never get time with you anymore and you rather be with your friends than with me. Should I not matter?"
Helen breathed closing her eyes. She knew a part of what Sean was saying was true. She was being emotionless and detached. "Listen, I know I have been temperamental and aloof. I need you to be patient with me. But what I don't need is you being a possessive partner."
"I have been more than patient. I don't understand Helen. You spend more time with Nikki Wade than with me. And you're acting more like an indifferent statue than a loving partner." He said in a juvenile tone.
"What is that supposed to mean? Why do you have to bring up Nikki?" Helen said questioning. "You have never met her and your ranting is preposterous." She was now incense.
"Just how well do you know her? I know she's charming but I don't trust her. What if she's trying to fuck with you. I have a right to know." He demanded.
"Are you kidding me? Do you hear yourself ranting." Helen said angrily. "We're not having this conversation. Goodbye Sean." She said loudly before hanging up. She felt rattled and her heart was racing. Did Sean sense something between her and Nikki? But Sean has never met Nikki so she could not understand why he would be jealous of Nikki. She felt a little exposed but decided to not let her argument with Sean ruin her evening.
"Is everything okay," Nikki said, as she looked at Helen who made her way back to the table. Her face was flushed and she was gripping into her phone as if she was ready to break it.
"Sorry," Helen said, feeling stupid. "I'm okay really."
"Are you sure everything is find?" Karen replied.
"Nothing I can't handle. Just a misunderstanding." Helen said, wishing to forget Sean for the moment. It was selfish of her to think that way but she didn't care.
Karen and Yvonne looked at each other smiling. They knew there was trouble in Helen and Sean's relationship. Nikki continued looking at Helen worried. She had a feeling that Sean brought up her name. She didn't know why but she felt as though he was going to give her a hard time. The last thing she wanted was to worry about some jealous fiancé. She knew her feelings for Helen was beyond her control. She didn't mean to fall in love with Helen and at the same time she knew deep inside that Helen had flirted, had mentioned she cared for her and they seemed to have some undeniable chemistry that couldn't be fabricated. What they had was genuine, but Helen still was engaged to Sean. And Nikki still had no clue how she was going to keep her emotions in check. It was only a matter of time before she acted upon her feelings again and she only hoped in some small miracle, Helen would reciprocate.
(Later in the evening)
"Let's tell ghost stories," Karen replied feeling giddy. Her head was spinning and she was feeling high from the alcohol. She knew she liked to drink too much.
"Let's dance instead," Yvonne said, trying to get up but feeling woozy. "Me think I'm drunk and need to tinkle in the loo."
"Too much information there sweetie," Karen hiccupped spilling her drink.
"Perhaps you should follow Yvonne to the loo to make sure she doesn't get lost." Nikki quipped, smiling.
"Don't be daft," Karen said sticking out her tongue and making silly faces. "And I wouldn't be talking." She said grinning, then looking over at Helen who was enjoying the amusement.
"Best keep that gob shut if you don't intend to win this argument." Nikki said, arms crossed and looking intently at Karen.
"Who me?" Karen sulked, giving Nikki the middle finger jokingly in protest.
"Real lady-like," she crossed her arms. "Maybe you should see where Yvonne's at. Maybe she fell into the toilet." Helen giggled spilling her drink. She had a wonderful time tonight and didn't want to go home anytime soon.
"She doesn't know the meaning of a lady when she's drunk," Yvonne said, waltzing back, as she nearly stumbled. "Well, I want to dance," she went over to Karen and whispered something into her ear.
"Yes, dancing is what we need right now. I don't want another round of truth or dare." Karen giggled.
"I knew you two would drink me dry." Nikki shook her head laughing. "You both are ridiculously cute together whenever you're both drunk. Do you realise how cute you two would be as a couple?"
Yvonne spilled her drink, gathering her thoughts together. "You daft cow Nikki, how can you say we'd look cute together. I may be charming, delightful and endearing but that cow over there is foul and bad-tempered. She's so uncool." Yvonne stuck her tongue out to Karen, giving her a wide grin.
"Uncool and bad-tempered." Karen went over and pinched Yvonne on the arm. "None of that gibberish from your trivial rant. And who's drunk Nikki?" Karen said, her speech a little blurred. "I have you known, I can still stand."
"Don't worry Karen," Nikki said leaning against her body. "Yvonne is just jealous of you and me. You're a picturesque of beauty, but I must agree with Yvonne." She grinned. "You can be bad-tempered and even worst when you are drunk."
Karen gave Nikki an icy stare. "Is there a reason why your gob is working overtime? I didn't mention anything embarrassing about you but I just might."
"I could say the same," Nikki leaned in closer and planted a kiss on Karen's nose. Both woman started laughing as Yvonne rolled her eyes and Helen looked on entertained.
"You always got a cracking idea formulating in that eccentric brain of yours." Yvonne said.
"Do I," Nikki said. "I guess I can be idiosyncrasy."
"Words that the rest of us can understand." Yvonne said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head.
"Insolent fool," Nikki joked. "Who hath herd of such crueltye before…she sat and sowde that hath done me the wrong.
"Shakespeare, really." Yvonne laughed. "I hated that shite in school."
Nikki smiled. "From off a hill whose concave womb reworded…A plaintful story from a sist'ring vale, My spirits t'attend this double voice accorded, And down I laid to list the sad-tuned tale, Ere long espied a fickle maid full pale, Tearing of papers, breaking rings atwain, Storming her world with sorrow's wind and rain."
"Aye, a Lover's Complaint," Karen replied. Both Yvonne and Helen looked at each other, neither of them understanding what Nikki recited, except that is was Shakespeare. "Never mind," Karen said realising it wasn't worth explaining the meaning.
"'Nuff about that romantic shite," Yvonne equipped. "I want to dance."
Nikki looked over at Helen who was sitting quietly, enjoying the conversation between them. "No doubt," she said. "But no ghost stories and no dancing as I don't want to annoy the neighbours."
"You're no fun," Karen stuck out her tongue at Nikki again. "And yes, dancing is what this party needs. Someone needs to twirl that Jukebox of yours. It ain't for the looking only."
Nikki shook her head and shrugged her shoulders as Helen watched amused.
"I think you're outnumbered Nikki." Helen replied, giving Nikki a warm smile.
"You to?" Nikki looked at Helen who wore a cute smile. She knew she couldn't resist. "Fine. I shall amuse you all."
At first Karen and Yvonne starting dancing and then Helen joined them leaving Nikki watching. Helen motioned for Nikki to join them. At first she hesitated but they all were having so much fun so she decided to let her inhibition down and join them. She felt a little self-conscience about her dancing so close to Helen but the alcohol was making her feel more at ease. They continued drinking and dancing and at some point Yvonne decided to mix it up. She wasn't going to let a good plan go to waste. She made her way to Nikki's Jukebox and selected a song that she knew would be perfect. She smiled inwardly and then headed back to where everyone was dancing. Then suddenly a slow song came to play and Nikki stopped and noticed a rather smiley face Yvonne grab Karen and started to dance.
"Are you two not going to dance?" Yvonne equipped holding Karen close to her. "Don't be a poop head Nikki and ask the lady to dance." As both Karen and Yvonne smiled and continued dancing with each other. They gave each other a knowing look.
Nikki looked at Helen who seemed amused. "What do you say Helen. Let's show those two old birds how it's really done." Nikki laughed nervously.
"Okay," Helen blushed as she took Nikki's hand. She felt surprisingly calm.
As both women embraced each other the words to 'open arms' played softly in the background. It seemed to be the perfect song. Nikki could smell Helen's hair. She wanted to run her fingers along Helen's back but had to refrain. The close proximity was starting to have an effect on both women. Helen's heart began to race faster and she felt like the room was spinning around her. Nikki felt like she was on a high and she didn't want this dance to ever end. As the music progressed both Nikki and Helen began to relax and they pulled each other closer. They didn't even notice that Karen and Yvonne were watching with interest. They were lost in each other's company. Nikki lowered her hand and placed it on Helen's waist. Slowly she pulled Helen closer to her. Helen could feel the warm breath of Nikki's on her shoulder and felt a little tingling sensation go up and down her spine. She rested her head on Nikki's chest feeling her heartbeat. This felt heavenly and Helen couldn't understand where all these emotions were coming from. She didn't care at the moment. She liked what she felt and she didn't want it to end. When the song ended, both Helen and Nikki just stood there holding each other not wanting to move. They continued to look into each other's eyes wondering what each though. Helen stared into the deep brown eyes that held her captive and noticed what she thought was a look of desire. Nikki felt like she was going to explode. She needed to get away. She needed a cold shower, anything. Nikki abruptly excused herself from Helen. She headed straight for the loo. All she knew that if she stayed any longer she was sure she would kiss Helen. When Nikki entered the loo she poured water onto her face. She looked in the mirror and noticed how flushed her face was. Looking into Helen's eyes was more than she could handle and she thought about their dance and how sensual it felt to her. She wondered if Helen thought the same too. For a minute she thought she felt Helen respond to her touch. When Helen went to sit back she felt sick. She couldn't believe what she was feeling and she started feeling guilty. This is wrong yet it felt so right, so natural she thought to herself.
"I think you two should take the extra room. I will not send you home in your state." Nikki said knowing both of them had drank too much.
"But I haven't finished my drink." Karen replied, sulking.
"I can't share a bed with that loud snorer." Yvonne sneered.
"You'll do just fine, the bed is rather large," Nikki said. "Stop your complaining. It was your idea to get wasted. I can't have you two leaving my place and I have plenty of room."
Yvonne walked towards Karen and put her arm around her shoulder. "How about we continue this party in the bedroom. Those two are a killjoy."
Helen laughed out-loud as Nikki gave her a stern look. "That's a great idea Von. Here, take this bottle and you and Karen can tell ghost stories to each other until your eye-lids shut."
"Fine by me," Karen said, feeling unsteady. She was tired but didn't not want to stop the fun she was having with Yvonne. It was refreshing. "Those two are a bore anyhow. Just you and me babe. Best mates forever." She hiccupped.
And as they headed towards Nikki's guess room, Nikki and Helen continued giggling. "Those two are a pair." Nikki stated.
"You think they will go quietly into the night?" Helen asked amused.
"Not unless pigs fly," Nikki remarked, grinning. "But I feel better having them sleep over. They are going to have a massive hang-over tomorrow."
(A little while later…)
"Karen and Yvonne are sure noisy." Nikki stated. "I thought they would by now have fallen fast asleep."
"I think they are jumping on the bed." Helen looked at Nikki.
"They must be trying to recapture their lost childhood." Nikki said, trying to listen to the sounds of giggles and snorting coming from the room.
"But I bet they are having fun," Helen replied looking over at Nikki with a mischievous smile.
"Are you daring us to use my bed as a trampoline?" Nikki asked, brow upright.
"No, but we could have a pillow fight." Helen replied, grinning.
"I'm a champion at archery so I have an excellent aim," Nikki smiled. "Hitting you would be like taking candy from a child."
"Don't be so quick to make a crude judgement," Helen said her brow furled. "I might just surprise you."
Both women looked at each other, then looked over at the bed, waiting for the other to make a move. Before Helen could move Nikki dashed to the bed and grabbed a pillow and began to hit Helen with it. Helen grabbed a pillow and tried to protect herself but Nikki's lightning fast hands were quick and she was shocked how fast Nikki could be.
"Ouch," Helen complained, rubbing her arm and pretending to be hurt. "You meanie."
"Be quiet my slave," Nikki responded with a sly grin as if she was up to something. "With your non-consensual ideation which I shall induce pain/humiliation to arouse you."
"Are you exploring sadomasochism?" Helen questioned, looking over a Nikki with a surprise look. "You dark horse Nikki. I never would have imagined."
"I have a few tricks up my sleeve. And I enjoy dominance and submission. Shall I restraint you with my interpersonal dynamics as perverse as that might sound?" Nikki chuckled. She enjoyed feeling relaxed and having Helen by her side.
"Are you offering to bondage and discipline me?" Helen said with a seductive tone. She would play along with Nikki. "You're not a closet cross-dresser are you?"
"No," Nikki said bowing down her head as if to acknowledge Helen. "Nor am I a rubber aficionados." She chuckled which made Helen double over with laughter. "Will you be my obedient submissive or shall I say 'bottom' as I shall be the dominant or 'tops' as they refer to it within the community."
"You have such wealth of knowledge in this field. You truly must be a master in your art." Helen said, trying to keep a straight face at Nikki. But it was getting hard because Nikki kept making silly faces.
"I must admit," Nikki said still giggling. "Early in my career I had a client who was into sadomasochism and a bag full of identity issues and social awkwardness. You could say she had attachment issues. She often attached her identity to living objects to avoid her reality. She had this fantasy that I would fall madly in love with her. I didn't realise that she had developed feelings for me in an unhealthy way."
"You're such a heartbreaker," Helen winked over at Nikki. "Kiss the girls and make they cry."
"Some clients can become emotional attached no matter how professional you are."
"But you allow your special client to get attach." Helen said wondering why Nikki was different with Maxine Purivs. At times she still did not understand but she trusted Nikki and in truth, it wasn't her place to butt in. How Nikki worked was none of her business but she was glad that Nikki trusted her and confided in her.
"I can't explain it, but she's different." Nikki stated. "I never get involve but somehow she's different. It's not a sexual thing for her. I can't explain it."
"How can you be so sure she isn't falling in love with you Nikki," Helen said feeling a little jealous. "You might be playing with fire."
"No, it's more like a sibling thing." Nikki said looking over at Helen. "Trust me when I say Maxine is like an onion. The more layers I peel the more fascinated I am. I know her crime is heinous but I believe there is so much more to her story."
"I do trust you and besides, it's not my place to tell you how to do your job." Helen said, her eyes roaming Nikki's bedroom. "Nikki, this status of Athena is beautiful. The Goddess of Wisdom, Courage, and so many more." Helen said, excited. "Why do you keep it in your bedroom?"
"She keeps me company at night," Nikki giggled. "I love Greek Mythology. It's the body of myth and teachings that belong to the ancient Greeks, concerning their gods and heroes, the nature of the world, and the origins and significance of their own cult and ritual practices.
"Is there anything that you do not know?" Helen asked.
"I am sure there is plenty I don't know." Nikki replied. "But like I said before, I love reading when I was a child. I was very curious and I suppose I started reading from an early age. You could say I was advance for my age." Nikki said shyly. She didn't want to seem like she was intellectual nerd but that was exactly what she was.
"Should I dare ask your IQ?" Helen said, her brow upright. "Although, I realised you're quite extraordinary, and if I must say, bloody brilliant at everything you do."
"Does it matter what my IQ is?" Nikki said, not wanting to answer that question. She was always different from her classmate as she found the work material easy. There was a constant problem with other kids who was jealous that she was smart. So she tried hard not to overshadow her classmates until one of her teachers embraced her talent and suggested to her parents that she should go to a school for gifted children. "Just say I'm in the gifted range."
"Don't take it wrong Nikki," Helen said, sensing that she caused some discomfort for Nikki. She was about to reply before Nikki cut her off.
"Sorry," Nikki replied quickly. "I just don't like going around to folks and remarking on my IQ. I always found that people looked at you differently and expect you to be a brain surgeon or a scientist. I like what I do. Should that no be enough?"
"I don't look at you differently," Helen replied, smiling. "And I am sure you'd be a brilliant brain surgeon if you wanted to. I admire the fact that you're so humble in your approach and your heart is as wide as the ocean."
"Yes, but that is before you knew I was extraordinary." Nikki said laughing. "What I do is fulfilling. But it's kind of you to think my heart is as wide as the ocean."
"Listen, I always suspected you were gifted in your knowledge." Helen said. "It doesn't matter if you're score is 100 or 140. It doesn't change my mind that you're so incredibly talented. What I like about you is you're humble and got a wicked sense of humour."
Nikki continued looking at Helen. Her heart felt warm and she welcomed Helen's kind words. "Even though I read a lot and seem to have an endless book of knowledge in my brain?"
"You're a Greek nerd, I shall confess to that." Helen mocked, trying to rattle Nikki. "But I like nerds. And believe me when I say you don't look anything like a traditional nerd."
"How kind of you to say." Nikki said mockingly.
"I must confess I don't know much about Greek Mythology but I do know Zeus and Athena." Helen quipped.
"Did you know Zeus was plagued by the same concern and, after a prophecy that the offspring of his first wife, Metis, would give birth to a god greater than he and Zeus swallowed her. She was already pregnant with Athena, however, and she burst forth from his head—fully-grown and dressed for war."
"That I did not know." Helen giggled watching Nikki get excited discussing Greek Mythology. "What other interesting tales to do you have about Greek Mythology?"
"Did you know the oldest known Greek literary sources, Homer's epic poems Iliad and Odyssey, focus on the Trojan War and its aftermath?"
"Nope," Helen quipped. "I'm just a humble Scottish gal who reads crime books and listens to folk music in her spare time."
"And I'm supposed to be the geek. At least I like rock music and can recite most poetry by Edgar Allen Poe and Shakespeare." Nikki remarked, then realising what she said, she started laughing out-loud. "I guess that still makes me a geek at heart."
"I'm afraid so Nikki." Helen laughed. "Maybe we can both nerd-out. Although, I am way out of your league on the nerd department."
"Did you know Sigmund Freud introduced a trans historical and biological conception of man and a view of myth as an expression of repressed ideas? Dream interpretation is the basis of Freudian myth interpretation and Freud's concept of dream work recognises the importance of contextual relationships for the interpretation of any individual element in a dream. According to Jung, myth-forming structural elements must be present in the unconscious psyche."
"Nikki," Helen said staring into Nikki's brown eyes, pretending to be serious. "You're getting all nerdy on me," Helen laughed as she pushed Nikki towards the bed causing her to fall in surprise.
"That's a cheap shot." Nikki said trying to regain her balance. "Now you're forcing me to get aggressive with you." Nikki gestured at Helen's ribs with a naughty look.
"Don't you dare," Helen said looking at Nikki who had a twinkle in her eye.
"Really," Nikki said, stepping closer to Helen making her breathe harder. "Who's going to stop me? Are you going to hand-cuff me?" She said as she let out a hiccup.
"Looks like someone might have the hiccups." Helen giggled.
"It's your fault if I do," hiccup. Just then Nikki had an idea. It was brilliant. She grabbed Helen's hand and a bottle of wine and a blanket. "Come with me woman."
Helen followed Nikki, still holding hands. It felt nice. Her whole body felt warm and it wasn't just the alcohol making her feel that way. "Where are you talking me?"
Nikki just smiled. "Just follow me and relax." Nikki pulled on a cord that was hanging down and brought down a ladder. Helen looked at Nikki with surprise. "Trust me." They both made their way up the wooden ladder and outside onto Nikki's roof top. The air was crisp and cool and Helen shivered as the cool air permeated her body. They made their way to a swinging chair.
"Sit here with me. This is the best view from my rooftop." Nikki said. "You're shivering. Here let me cover you with this blanket." Nikki wrapped the blanket around a shivering Helen who seemed stiff.
The night was clear and they could see many stars in the sky. "Wow, this view is beautiful. I cannot believe how many stars is out tonight." Helen remarked feeling shy around Nikki. Perhaps it was Nikki's body pressing against her that made her heart skip a beat and she tried not to show that her breathing was laboured.
"I have a telescope right over there. Would you like to see the stars?" Nikki said excitedly.
"Are you kidding me? Of course I would." Helen said eagerly like a school girl. "This is a first for me."
They made their way towards the telescope as Nikki adjusted the telescope to give Helen a better look. "Look through here." She motioned to Helen. "That's star is called Draco the Dragan."
"Bloody brilliant Nikki," Helen said looking through and amused at what she saw. "How come you've never mentioned this before? It is fantastic looking at stars and our galaxy. Your telescope looks advance. For some a year's wage."
"I guess I really did not think about it. I didn't know if you were into science stuff. And yes, it cost me about 30,000 pounds. I had it specially made just for me." Nikki knew Helen would be shocked.
"You're something amazing. I wish I had your wealth. Still, I'm never bored when I'm with you. I could stay up here with you forever." Helen said realising what she said yet still found herself getting lost in Nikki's eyes as the words she said meant so much and radiated truth.
"I'll make you a makeshift bed then," Nikki said jokingly. "So you can stay here with me forever." Her body felt warm and she wanted so badly to hold onto Helen. "Here let me move the telescope this direction. Look through." Nikki said to Helen.
"What is that star's name?" Red asked.
"Bird of paradise," Nikki replied. "Did you know the bird of paradise flower bears an unmistakable resemblance to a brightly coloured bird in flight? They are native to South Africa and represent joyfulness and not surprisingly paradise itself."
"Interesting," Helen said looking into Nikki's eyes. They seemed to twinkle and she found it hard to look away. Nikki was so beautiful and captivating that she found herself wanting more. Needing more. It scared her to her core.
"As every flower lovers know, flowers have a language of their own." Nikki remarked smiling. "Ambrosia represents 'your love is reciprocated and Red Carnation represents 'my heart aches for you'."
"Again, is there anything you do not know?" Helen said amused. She wondered what flower she represented to Nikki.
"Come let's sit down and drink ourselves silly and leave Karen and Yvonne to their musing." Nikki said, taking Helen's hand as they walked quietly back to the swing. "Don't be afraid to get closer Helen. It's a little chilly and the blanket might not be enough to keep us warm."
"Well, whose fault is that?" Helen quipped eyeing Nikki. Again she was feeling a little shy and embarrassed being so close to Nikki's body. She knew what she was feeling was dangerous and sensual.
"Who me, I'm innocent." She replied, smiling at Helen who looked so beautiful that she couldn't pry her eyes away.
"What are you looking at?" Helen said feeling self-conscience. Did she had something on her face?
"It's just you look so beautiful under the moonlight. You're a sight for eyes that dare not touch but admire from afar." Nikki said, not caring about her words or if was making Helen feel uncomfortable. All she knew was that she needed to say to those words to her.
"Nikki," Helen said blushing as she looked down, feeling nervous and fidgeting with her hands.
"No, I mean it, you're really are beautiful and I am sorry if that makes you uncomfortable." Nikki continued. She was tired of holding back her emotions. Maybe it was the stars daring her to open her heart or the full moon enticing her to use words like poetry.
"It doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. I enjoy hearing your words" She said her body was on fire and being so close to Nikki was having a desire effect on her. She realised if Nikki kissed her at this moment, she would not be able to stop her. She felt such a strong sexual desire and she was afraid that Nikki could see it in her eyes.
"I like you Helen," Nikki said. "No, I mean I really like you. I know you know that I am attracted to you." Nikki said. Helen was quiet. "I know I should not be telling you this but I want to be open about what I feel and I don't expect anything from you. I know you don't feel the same way and that's okay. I really appreciate your friendship and hope that this doesn't affect how you feel about me or act in front of me."
"Nikki," Helen went to say, but Nikki stopped her.
"It hurts just looking at you." She took a gulp from the bottle. "Sorry if I unloaded this on you. I didn't mean to fall for you. I respect our friendship too much to do anything stupid."
"Don't feel stupid and please do not apologise," Helen said, feeling all sorts of emotions. She felt her walls crack. "I think you're beautiful too Nikki, but."
"You don't have to explain Helen, really. I understand." Nikki tried to reassure Helen that she understood.
Helen looked at Nikki with desire. Her emotions were making her high and she had to close her eyes in fear of being exposed. She didn't know what to do or say. Nikki was being honest about her feelings and she felt ill for lying.
"Helen, can I ask you something and please be honest with me," Nikki said. Was Helen ready for whatever Nikki was about to ask her?
"Okay." Was all Helen could say.
"Remember that night when we were both drunk," Nikki asked. Helen felt a sudden foreboding. She knew where Nikki was going with her line of questioning.
Helen looked at Nikki and she fell to pieces. She had to cover her face with her hands.
"What's wrong Helen? Sorry, was I being pushy." Nikki felt disappointed and annoyed at herself. Maybe telling Helen how she really felt was not such a good idea.
"No Nikki," she said, her eyes watery. She was having a hard time looking Nikki in the eyes.
Nikki looked at Helen and then everything became clear. She smiled. "You remembered don't you." Helen was silent. "All this time you knew and said nothing, but why Helen. Where you just being polite?"
"Please Nikki," Helen pleaded as she looked up to meet Nikki's eyes. She could see the love in Nikki's eyes and it made her heart melt once more. It was then she finally realised how important Nikki was to her and how much she needed her in her life.
"No, I cannot let this go. Why did you keep that from me?" Nikki knew the reason why but she wanted to hear it from Helen. "You felt something didn't you."
Helen couldn't look at Nikki in fear of breaking. She knew she was transparent and she could not deny the electric current running throughout her body.
"You felt something when I kissed you and…now it makes sense to me. You feel something for me and you're too afraid to admit it." Nikki finally said. She knew she was pushing the boundaries but looking over at Helen and seeing desire in her eyes, she knew what she was saying was true.
"I can't Nikki, please understand." Helen pleaded. "I value your friendship so much and I don't want to hurt you intentionally."
"I understand what you think you need to say…but you're fooling yourself if you believe in that shite and you can't even look me in the eye." Nikki said, feeling her heartbeat face faster. "Tell me you feel nothing for me, please."
"You don't know what you're asking of me Nikki," Helen pleaded which seemed to fall on deaf ears. "I don't know what you expect me to say."
Nikki laughed crudely, realising Helen was just making excuses. She took Helen's hand and placed it on her heart. "I don't expect anything," she continued. "But I look into your eyes and I see that you're not being honest with me. Please don't make me regret this."
"You know I care about you," Helen replied, as she continued looking at Nikki. "Can't that be enough?"
Nikki smiled and still holding Helen's hand on her heart she said, "You're so beautiful when you're flushed. I won't apologise for wanting to kiss you right now."
Helen looked into Nikki's bright brown eyes, and realised how much this woman in front of her affected her heart. But at the same time it was wrong because she was with Sean. "I'm sorry, did I mislead you?"
"Not for a moment," Nikki smiled. She knew Helen felt something for her and she would be patient and wait.
"Because you know I'm not gay," Helen stated too eagerly.
"I'm a serial monogamous," Nikki replied coolly. "But if you asked me to be your mistress I'd comply. I'm not asking you to define yourself with labels. Why can't you see that?"
"I'm serious Nikki," Helen stated feeling as though Nikki was testing her patience. "Don't belittle me."
"So am I," Nikki responded quickly. "But that doesn't give you reason to ignore the fact that you have not answered my earlier questions. Your conscious struggle for psychological one-upmanship is a passive-aggressive behaviour to demoralise your thinking. I have no ulterior transactions that I am not fully aware of."
"Please don't talk down to me as if I am a child," Helen said, feeling asinine. "We're both adults here and I would appreciate your understanding."
"You're a type A personality. You use manipulative head-games and sabotage to control the outcome. In intimate relationships, you undermine your partner's belief in the validity of their own perceptions driven from past experience and denial. So Helen, don't trivialize of what is felt to be less important. You don't even realise unconsciously that what you do is a direct result of your need to maintain your own self-deception."
Helen was vexed that Nikki was treating her like a patient and using words to dissect her. "I don't need this psycho-babble shite. Not from you Nikki. Don't you dare pull that crap over me and make me look like I'm some relationship monster."
Nikki sighed and she looked at Helen who looked like she was ready to scream. "You don't see it Helen. Your psychological manipulation. Your need to change perception of others through underhanded tactics. I am not saying this as a negative example to persuade you into anything. You can decide your story and destiny, but you need to be honest with yourself. Are you truly being honest with yourself?"
"That's enough Nikki," Helen shouted, her voice sounding angry.
"I don't think you are a relationship monster. I am not blaming you for your failed relationships. You have so much love to give but you're too damn scared to reveal your inner self that you build many walls. It's very common."
"Please Nikki, why is this so important to you?" Helen said, feeling tired. She felt drained and probed. "You have no right to ask me that question and dissect me."
Nikki looked at Helen realising that perhaps she was over-analysing but deep inside she knew she was right. Helen was in avoidance and it troubled her but did she have the right to demand that from her? She took Helen's hand once more and squeezed it gently, as she ran her fingers on Helen's face. "Tell me you don't feel what I am feeling now. I can feel you…I can feel the electrical charge between you and me and I know it's not only coming from me."
"Nikki…don't" Helen jerked her hand away.
Nikki grabbed Helen's hand and placed in on her beating heart once more. "Do you feel that? It's beating fast because of you. I feel so alive because of you." She looked deep into Helen's eyes.
Helen closed her eyes. Her world was spinning and the ache she felt in her heart and her loins were unbearable. She was afraid to look at Nikki in fear of melting into those deep puddle of brown liquids. Finally she opened her eyes and saw Nikki looking at her with concern. Even though Nikki just confessed her attraction and probed her like no one has ever done before she still thought of her well-being. Nikki had such a kind heart. At that moment, everything was clear. She was in love with Nikki. Not just in love, but deeply in love with the woman who captured her heart. She was feeling a sexual desire she had never felt before and it was driving her mad. She wanted Nikki to touch her, feel her with such intensity that it was overwhelming her senses. What was she to do? Never in her life had she desired someone as much as she desired Nikki, yet she couldn't move. She couldn't breathe, let alone think straight.
"Are you okay? I'm so sorry Helen. I should not have pressured you." Nikki said looking down. "I'm sorry if my words seemed harsh. I didn't mean to hurt you. I was out of order and had no right to make judgement on you."
"No, Nikki," Helen said raising Nikki's chin to meet her own. Their faces were inches apart. "You did nothing wrong. You're right…I'm not being completely honest with myself."
"What are you trying to get at?" Nikki said her heart racing faster.
"Don't make me say it because I think you know what I mean." Helen exclaimed. "Please, just leave it at that. Nothing can be gained from my mental state at this moment."
Nikki felt defeated. She didn't want to pressure Helen further so she just nodded in agreement. Perhaps she was expecting too much. Did she scare Helen off?
"Sorry, Nikki," Helen said, her voice sounding strained. "I'm feeling rather tired and I think maybe it's best if I should go."
Nikki looked up terrified. She cursed herself for being aggressive and demanding. "Please Helen, don't leave me here alone." Nikki said with a sad expression. "It's late and you should stay. Look I'm sorry for being such an idiot, a twat. I shouldn't have rambled on acting forceful. Please forgive me for being so rash with my words. Let's start over." Nikki smiled weakly.
"I don't know if that's a good idea considering," Helen said, tapering off.
"Don't turn me into a kidnapper. I really enjoy your company and I hate to be alone right now. You've been a good mate so forget everything I said. Please. Let's start over." Nikki smiled extending her hand out. "Please to meet you."
Helen could not resist Nikki as she looked at her with hurt puppy eyes. "Okay, you win." Helen smiled back. She knew she should go but looking at Nikki looking so cute and adorable she could not fight back her emotions. In truth, she really did not want to leave Nikki's side even though she felt like she was on an emotional roller-coaster ride. Although she knew things were messed up and what transpired between them were unsettled, she felt the need to be near Nikki. But would they be able to forget the strong attraction they felt for another? Would their friendship crumble to the pressure or bring them closer? Even though Nikki was elated that Helen decided to stay the night, how would they continue to hold back. There was so much unspoken, unfinished. But for the time being, she would swallow her pride and emotions and give Helen her space. There was nothing else she could do.