Sorry it has taken me a little longer to post this chapter as I have been busy with work. It's a continuation from the last chapter so everyone enjoy. Drop me a line to let me know what you all think.

Chapter 18

"I love your vase collection of vinyl records," Helen said, looking though Nikki's records. "I didn't realise you enjoyed the oldies."

"There's a lot you still don't know about me," Nikki said smiling like a school girl. "My parents had a lot of old records and I remember they use to play the likes of Buddy Holly, Patsy Cline, Billie Holiday, and The Carpenters." Nikki said, watching Helen go through her vinyl records. "I love Karen Carpenter…her soulful voice resonates through me."

"You're an old soul, Nikki. I imagine your solitary existence isn't a form of anti-social temperament, but you are disinterested in the pursuits and interests of your own age group." Helen said smiling. "I guess some might say you are introverted."

"My solitary existence," Nikki laughed, giving Helen a warm smile as if she understood. "I suppose I understand the transience of life. It might seem a little grandiose and overly noble, but old souls find themselves naturally gravitating towards the intellectual side of life which I suppose I quite relate to. We inherently empathize that knowledge is power, wisdom is happiness and truth is freedom so why would we humans not want to pursue an altruism way of thinking?"

"Were you a rebellious teen?" Helen asked. "I'm sure you were a precocious child, inquisitive and intelligent far beyond your playmates."

"You could say I tended to gravitate to older adults. My mother used to say I was born an old soul and that an old soul is a person whom has learned from past incarnations, or lives. I wish they were here today as I miss them a lot." Nikki said sadly remembering how whimsical her life was before she became pessimistic and withdrawn.

"I'm sorry," Helen said, putting her hand over Nikki's hand. "I am sure they are watching and are very proud of what you have become."

Nikki smiled, enjoying Helen's warm. "Did you know a spiritual person whom is wise beyond their years are considered old souls?"

"I believe that you have more understanding of the world around you than most. I quality I admire about you." Helen said, blushing. She stared into Nikki's eyes and wondered how long she was going to keep herself from falling apart.

"But you haven't seen the darker side of me," Nikki teased giving Helen a playful wink. "I used to get high listening to Pink Floyd 'Dark Side of the Moon' or any of Led Zeppelin records in my experiential stage."

"How shocking," Helen mocked Nikki, giving her light squeeze. "I used to sneak into clubs underage to smoke and drink, much too my parents chagrin. I got into trouble a lot."

"I had an affair with one of my teachers. I was only sixteen and she was thirty." Nikki said, looking intently at Helen who had her gob wide open in shock.

"You tramp," Helen replied being coy, while digesting what Nikki said. "I forget you're only twenty-seven because you seem so old school but you do have extreme taste in music." Helen replied, poking Nikki in the arm, trying not to sound jealous.

"I guess I do have a different way of thinking," Nikki smiled, enjoying Helen's playfulness. She was glad that Helen decided to stay after the tense moments they had earlier. She was still weary and wondered if her confession to attraction for her was going to pose some difficulty in their working relationship. "I suppose I might seem odd. I can go extreme with old metal like Black Sabbath and then all bluesy with Billie Holiday."

"So one can say you're a heavy metal softie who is a nerd that enjoys antiques, collecting memorabilia and who loves to watch old black and white movies." Helen said with a toothy grin. She had to admit, but Nikki was fascinating and she loved her passion for things.

"I suppose something like that," Nikki laughed. "Although, you will not find any country music in my collection. I have to draw the line somewhere." Nikki said, raising her brow.

"What's wrong with country music," Helen said, her arms crossed. She wanted to toy with Nikki a little longer.

"Please say you ain't one of those country crooners," Nikki said, blinking her eyes as she wrinkled her nose.

"We should do country karaoke," Helen joked, keeping herself from giggling out-loud

"Oh no…my voice could crack a mirror." Nikki said, arms crossed as she kicked Helen on the leg.

Helen laughed with amusement. "Then we must get your voice on tape and send it to Fenner as a ringtone."

"That man needs to disappear. What Karen ever saw in him is beyond common sense." Nikki said, feeling icky at the sound of his name.

"It couldn't come any sooner," Helen nodded her head. She let out a yawn, startled at her sudden tiredness.

Nikki laughed inwardly. "You should take my bed. I can sleep on the couch. I don't mind really."

"No Nikki," Helen replied. "I can't have you sleeping on the couch."

"No, really. I don't mind. You are my guess and it's the right thing to do. My couch is comfy enough." Nikki said, trying to sound convincing.

"But I can't allow that," Helen said. "Your bed is huge and really there is enough space for the two of us." She said, feeling a little shy mentioning it.

Nikki was surprised for a moment. She really wanted to sleep in the same bed with Helen but was it the right thing to do after she exposed her feelings.

"Are you okay with that? I mean considering," Nikki tailed off remembering.

"I know things were said, but really Nikki, we're friends and I don't want to make things bigger than they are. Okay, you are attracted to me but let's not make this an awkward situation."

"But I grind my teeth," Nikki confessed staring at Helen who was smiling.

"I have cold feet," Helen replied.

"I move a lot and tend to hog the bed," Nikki said looking up at Helen.

"I steal the blanket," Helen said smiling.

"Well I draw the line there," Nikki laughed. "I like to snuggle up to my pillows so be warned."

"Noted," Helen replied a smile warming on her face.

"Well then follow me my Empress," Nikki said, as they both made their way into Nikki's bedroom. Nikki went over to her wardrobe and brought back a pair of pyjamas. "I have an extra pair of pyjamas but if you prefer a nightie."

"No…pyjamas will do."

"You could wash up here and I will use the other bathroom to get ready. I have extra toothbrushes that you can use." Helen nodded as she watched Nikki disappear from the room. She made her way to the bathroom and started to undress. She looked into the mirror and noticed how tired her eyes might have seemed to Nikki. As she turned on the shower she thought about Nikki being naked and then she blushed feeling a warm sensation permeate her body. "Breathe…just breathe" Helen said out-loud. "Nikki is harmless and you should not be thinking of her in that way."

"Which side of the bed would you prefer?" Nikki asked, feeling as if she was doing something unethical.

"It doesn't matter," Helen said timidly not sure how to proceed.

"Are you tired or would you prefer to tell ghost stories in bed," she smirked.

"I'll leave the conversation to you," Helen smiled back as she got into the bed feeling reserved. Both Nikki and Helen felt a slight awkwardness and they just stared at each other waiting for the other to say something.

"Isn't amazing how easily the brain can be manipulated," Nikki said, wondering why she was sounding nerdy. "Enhanced interrogation techniques can easily be applied with the right mindset."

"And this all means what?" Helen said, wondering what the hell Nikki was taking about. Maybe she just felt nervous.

"It's amazing how we've managed to perfect the apple. A genetically modified version that never goes brown. And yet, we still haven't upgraded human beings. The human race has stalled out, Helen. And from what I've seen, most of it is rotten to the core." Nikki said, smiling trying not to sound like she was rambling but she felt nervous with having Helen so close to her.

Helen laughed at Nikki obvious edginess. "Really, why do humans always seek to delay the inevitable?" She said, a drip of sarcasm in her voice. "Generous to a fault Nikki. It's so elegant the words you use."

"Clearly, I differ in my views of humanity. There are rare times when I can't think clearly, when I can't breathe. This must be what panic feels like." Nikki joked, staring into the green eyes that were hypnotic.

"Perhaps you just need some chocolate or alcohol." Helen remarked.

"They will not help to produce an adrenalin response if that is your thinking." Nikki replied quickly.

"True... but they do affect the mind." Helen said, raising a brow.

Nikki bore a smile. "You saving me. Is this making up for someone you didn't save?"

"Are you probing me? I thought you were done with shock therapy." Helen said pouting, pretending to be hurt.

"Talking about your issues helps distract me from the bigger picture." Nikki said, slightly blushing.

"Who said I had issues?" Helen questioned. "And why do you need a distraction?"

"Oh, did you not hear about my chat with Miss Helen Stewart. I hear she's fun... in an unnecessary stapedectomy kind of way. But she does haver certain quality about her that is endearing." Nikki replied with a huge grin on her face, enjoying the moment.

"You're mocking me aren't you?" Helen jabbed Nikki on the arm, causing her to laugh.

"You know, Helen, we're all fallible."

"Well, not all of us. I suppose it's you that needs therapy. It sounds like you have a lot to work on." Helen said rolling to her side enjoying Nikki's sense of humour. "I can help you, Nikki. You suffer from delusions of grandeur, caused by your underlying condition."

"It's not a condition, it's the future. By the time you figure out what's really happening, I'll have transcended this reality." Nikki replied with a wide grin, as Helen shook her head.

"Sometimes you say the oddest things."

"Vous etes belle quand vous etes en colere." Nikki said, smiling.

"What did you say?" Helen asked.

"Je veux vous embrasser ce soir." She continued speaking in French.

"I have no clue what you just said except that it's in French." Helen said, wondering what Nikki was telling her. Whatever it was Nikki was enjoying teasing her.

"You're so beautiful when you're pretending to not understand me." Nikki said without hesitation realising that Helen really did not understand.

"Please Nikki, don't." Helen said, looking away from Nikki, trying not to get lost in her eyes.

"Was that wrong to say? I don't want to worry about always saying the wrong things." Nikki said, slightly annoyed.

"You make it sound so simple." Helen replied wondering how things turned so quickly. Would it always be like this?

"So I shouldn't tell you that I really want to kiss you at this moment?" Nikki cursed herself for being an idiot. She knew she was trying to get a reaction from Helen even though it was the wrong thing to do.

Helen sat upright on the bed, annoyed with Nikki. She didn't understand why Nikki couldn't let it pass. Was she to blame? "Why does it always have to come back to this?"

"Because I'm attracted to you." Nikki said not flinching.

This was going to be hard. She felt herself get flustered and her palm get sweaty. Why was her heart racing? Her eyes were getting watery as she didn't want to face Nikki's words. "I can't offer you what you want." Helen said loudly which startled them both.

Nikki looked down in shame. There it was, the ugly truth. "Forgive me Helen. This was a bad idea. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Please don't hate me." Helen said, her voice shaking. "Please don't go."

Nikki reached out and tentatively placed a hand on Helen's shoulder. She felt a marginal relaxation in response. Then she carefully put her arm all the way around Helen's shoulders. Slowly Helen leaned into her. Nikki put her other arm around her, always alert for any indication that her attention was not welcome. She gently drew Helen into her embrace, and Helen leaned her head on Nikki's shoulder trying to bury her head, holding back her tears but before she knew it the tears had fallen on her cheek. Helen was not entirely sure what she was doing. All she had meant to do was give Nikki a piece of her mind. Then she felt Nikki's hand on her face wiping gently the tears. At first she didn't pay much attention to it. She just knew that it felt natural. Somewhere in the back of her mind floated the thought, I am crying on Nikki's shoulder. She has her arms around me. Should this be happening? Should I be letting it happen? She ignored it. She was in too much pain to care, too confused to think. All she wanted was to feel, and Nikki was making her feel. More than she could ever imagine.

They sat there for a while as Nikki continued to hold Helen in her arms. Helen was uncertain how to proceed from here. Helen never held a woman in her arms before, at least that in that way. She found herself awkwardly stroking Nikki's hair. She smiled slightly. She liked the feel of Nikki's hair. Eventually, Helen sobs quieted. She took a few deep breaths and let out a sigh. She didn't move out of Nikki's arms right away. She admitted to herself that she liked the way Nikki's arms felt around her. She felt comfortable and safe. And, well, she felt something else, too. She carefully removed herself, away from Nikki, and hoped that Nikki didn't see the expression in her eyes. No one had affected her like that in a long time, in fact she couldn't remember if ever, and her body was reacting, as she rationalized it to herself. And then she thought, yeah, right Helen Stewart. Admit it you're in love with her so why can't I just tell her that. She knew why, and she knew that she would never have that with Sean. She questioned the reasons she got involved with Sean and why she agreed to marry him. Was Nikki right? Was she an A personality. Did she use manipulative head-games to sabotage her relationships? Was this an unconscious experience that led to her denial? What was she so afraid of? Deep inside her soul she knew the reasons. Her demons, her brother's death and her need to feel accepted twisted her reality. She realised that being with Sean was wrong. She was with him for the wrong reasons. She knew she needed to do something before her life was out of control. She just didn't know if she had the strength to hold on.

Helen started to rub her eyes. "Thanks, Nikki. You've been a good friend to me." She said regaining her composure. "Maybe I should go."

She started to get up, then, turned back to Nikki. Nikki couldn't let her just leave like this. "Uh Helen, I don't…I don't really think you should drive at this hour. Please don't leave on my account." Nikki sounded hopeful.

Helen thought about it. She really didn't want to be left alone and it was late but she felt very vulnerable. "It's not that Nikki. It's just," She said in a low whisper.

Nikki knew what to expect or rather what not to expect. She knew not to expect that Helen would want anything other than her company, someone to talk to. That was all. But she couldn't help feel that Helen wanted more. There was an undeniable attractions between the two of them. "Helen, perhaps you would be more comfortable if you sat down," Nikki suggested.

Yeah right comfortable sitting next to you Helen thought. Her body would give her away in a minute. Nope, can't sit anywhere near you or I might lose myself. Most of the time, she was able to control her feelings around Nikki. But tonight was different. She had made herself vulnerable. She had allowed Nikki to get close and part of her was happy that Nikki confessed her feelings as she enjoyed the feeling it gave her, yet part of her was scared.

"Helen, why are you feeling so nervous, do I make you nervous? Is it because of what I said earlier?" Nikki asked knowing that Helen was probably struggling inside.

How was she supposed to answer that question she thought to herself? She was not good at lying. She couldn't lie if she wanted to. Unfortunately, now she wanted to. She couldn't exactly say, 'because I find you very attractive, Nikki,' now, could she? "I'm simply feeling a little restless at the moment." Please be satisfied with that she thought.

"Restless?" You mean, you're feeling nervous around me she thought. Nikki looked amused.

"Yes, Nikki. I have had a very stressful few days and this whole investigation is consuming." There, I've changed the subject thought Helen.

Nikki laughed. "Is that you're way of changing the subject. I don't want you to feel awkward because of what I said."

"Nikki, I'm having a hard time expressing myself and you unloaded something big on me and I don't know what you expect but can you give me space." Helen said, sounding harsh, as she realised by the hurt look in Nikki's eyes.

"Dammit, Helen, don't shut me out?" Nikki shouted. Oh shit. Did I really just yell at Helen? The look on Helen face said she had. Hurt and confusion were Helen's reaction.

It wasn't like Helen could hide her feelings well. But if that was the case what exactly was she feeling, then? Hurt, yes. That was to be expected, since Nikki had just yelled at her for no reason. But was there something else under the surface.

"Helen." There was Nikki's voice again. "Helen!"

"Yes, Nikki? What is it?" Her voice was almost a whisper.

"I was just saying that perhaps it would be best if I slept on the couch and you take the bed, and allowed you to get some rest."

I don't want her to leave. Not like this Helen cried to herself. She didn't want Nikki to leave but at the same time knew that she having Nikki so close was dangerous. "It's okay Nikki, really, I'm okay. You don't have to leave on my account." She sat on the edge of the bed, facing Nikki.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, Helen. I don't know what came over me. I don't even know why you care so much." Nikki looked into Helen's eyes. What she really wanted was to take Helen into her arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay, but she knew better.

Oh, shite. There was another unanswerable question. "Why do I care? I care because you are my friend, Nikki." Why do I get the feeling she isn't going to be satisfied with that answer Helen thought? "I want to thank you for being here for me. I value your friendship. It's important to me."

Nikki felt a little miffed, 'friendship' she knew that Helen wasn't going to just come out and express her feelings. Nikki knew that Helen would retreat into her safe little world. But one thing she knew, that there was no way that the two of them could just be friends. Still, she had to make an effort, for any good that was worth. Nikki put her hand on Helen's knee. "Am I 'just' your friend, Helen? Is that all I am to you?" She asked, unable to keep the plaintive note out of her voice. She realised that Helen's eyes were watery again. Nikki reached out and caressed Helen's face with her fingers.

"No, Nikki. You are more than just my friend, so much more." They sat there in silence for a long time staring into each other's eyes.

"Helen?" Nikki said hesitantly.

"Yes, Nikki?"

"Would you mind if….if…..I held you in my arms again?" Nikki said shyly.

"No…Nikki….I wouldn't mind at all." And with that both women embraced each other and held onto whatever thread was keeping them together. Nikki knew that this moment would not last forever. Reality waited for her and she didn't like it one bit.

Nikki opened her eyes and looked at the clock. It was still early - 3:30 a.m. She'd forgotten where she was but feeling Helen's warmth wrapped against her brought her to reality quickly. She tried to stretch her arms but only to find Helen cuddling closer to her. She did not want to wake her up so she careful tried to eradicate herself but found it was difficult task. For a fraction of a second Helen moved, without missing a beat, she moved closer to Nikki burying her head into her arms as if she was seeking shelter. It was just the encouragement that Nikki needed. They had fallen asleep holding each other. Nikki enjoyed the feeling of Helen being in her arms but she knew that the feeling wouldn't last when reality came back. Nikki lay there for a while wondering if she should remove herself from Helen, not knowing how Helen would react to the closeness of their bodies. She didn't want things to become awkward between them two. She looked at Helen who looked like a beautiful creature sleeping peacefully. With her free hand she caressed Helen's hair. She knew that she needed to be Helen's friend. But how could she? She was attracted to Helen and she made it oblivious to her. Would she just pretend? She wasn't in denial about the difficult situation. She knew that Helen felt something for her. What she didn't know was the extent f her feelings. Nikki sighed knowing that things were going to get complicated.

Helen was having an erotic dream and she wore a smile on her face. She was dreaming about Nikki and the sexual encounter was making her moan lightly. Nikki wondered what Helen was dreaming about but whatever it was it was clearly having an effect on her. Nikki felt strange, like a voyeurism watching something sacred. Should she wake Helen up? She didn't want to seem like she was spying. Nikki decided that she would try again to remove herself from Helen but to no avail since Helen had embedded herself in Nikki arms. Nothing I can do Nikki thought so she decided to just close her eyes and fall back to sleep.

A little while later Helen began to slowly awaken. She felt a warm body next to her and when she went to open her eyes she saw Nikki sleeping. We've must've fallen asleep she told herself. Helen watched Nikki looking at her strong features. She was so beautiful that Helen didn't want to wake her. She looked peaceful and calm. She didn't want to move away, being in Nikki arms felt heavenly. Noticing how the two bodies were entwined Helen tried to move. But Helen, being the reasonable one, decided that it was best to wake Nikki. What would Nikki think? She knew that Nikki was attracted to her, she proved it last night but what Nikki didn't know was the growing feelings that she was developing for Nikki. This was going to get very complicated she thought to herself. After a few minutes, Helen did not have the heart to wake Nikki so she allowed herself to fall back asleep. She would deal with her feelings later.

During the night Nikki was turning in her bed, sweat was rolling down her face. In her dream she saw herself laying on the floor, a rather dark light peering through a window and she felt as if her heart was constricted. Flashes of images exploded like a backsplash across the white walls. The image that hunted her was of a little girl enveloped in an afterglow, with eyes transparent, yet that of a crystal beam, as she stood there in the centre of what appeared to be a circle. The little girl stretched her arms, tiny fingers reaching out to Nikki and it touched her heart that she wanted to reach across, but she was held back by a stronger force not that of her own. Then Nikki felt something dark and menacing coming from within the room, as if was alive and knowing. She wanted to scream but her voice was thin and something strange was holding her tightly to the cold surface. Nikki looked up and into the girl's darkening eyes and saw fear in them. It seemed as though she was pleading for help, yet at that moment, something oddly familiar about the little girl stir inside Nikki's heart. Once again Nikki lifted her head toward the window, but to her amazement there stood a dark figure, hovering over the little girl with baited breath.

"I am the undertaker. I've come to take away your soul and damn it to the darkness of despair!" Nikki heard the triumphant voice echoing the room.

"No…you cannot. Her destiny has been decided." Desperation in the voice of the little girl that cried out.

"Silence," the voice said, his anger rising. "She's mine to take."

Nikki blinked her eyes several time suddenly realising she was in a maze. She turned her head around and saw the same little girl from her dream, enveloped in a dark light, looking frighteningly at her.

Nikki heard another voice in the distance. It was different, barely audible but it sounded familiar. "Don't be afraid Nikki, don't be afraid to open your heart. Don't let memories haunt you." The kind voice said.

"I don't understand." Nikki replied, rubbing her eyes and feeling an overwhelming pain in her heart.

"You hold the key," the voice said. "You hold the key to the mystery. Don't be afraid to open those doors. Search within. The answers are waiting. Open your mind and you shall see." Her voice calm and reassuring. Nikki could not place the voice but for a moment she imagined the voice sounded like Trisha. Yet, who was the little girl?

"What am I supposed to do? Please, it's hurting." Again Nikki felt a sharp pain in her heart. She grasped the air as if she was trying to reach out and touch something.

"I will always be by your side," the voice said. "Nothing can hurt you." Then Nikki saw a flash and she closed her eyes once again. The other voice disappeared.

Then Nikki heard the little girl speak in a hush whisper. "Our very existence is already a torture for all to see," she said, her eyes showing strain. "Living in constant fear of someday destroying something or somebody we hold deep within our heart." Nikki did not understand what the little girl was trying to say to her. Her words full of innuendoes. Why did she use the term 'we' and why did she look so sad? The little girl weakly smiled before fading into the dark, not before she spoke those words that would haunt Nikki. "Nikki, look deep within your soul and you will know who I am. We are linked together as one. You must search for me. Everything is not as it seems. Remember," As her figure started disappearing for good, "look to your past…all you seek lies within you. You must protect her…"

"Nikki, Nikki." Helen said as she nudged her gently.

Nikki opened her eyes and stared into the warm green eyes looking back at her. She noticed Helen looking at her with concern. She was still daze from her dream and her body was shaking.

"Are you okay Nikki." Helen said, still looking over Nikki and holding her hand. "You're shaking."

"Sorry, I must've had a nightmare," Nikki said, trying to get up. "I'm okay." Nikki tried to smile. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

"No…I was having a hard time sleeping." Helen lied. She could see the frightened expression in Nikki's eyes and felt a need to hold her tight. "Would you like me to get you some water?"

"That's okay, I can get it myself." Nikki said getting up from the bed. Helen felt a little hurt. She wanted to take care of Nikki. A short while later Nikki stumbled back into the room, holding onto a glass and rambling on about something.

"Is something bothering you Nikki? Do you want to talk about your nightmare?" Helen asked, her eyes showing tired as it was still early in the morning.

"Sorry, but I don't think I want to at this moment." Nikki stated.

"Are you sure? It helps if you express your fears?" Helen said, trying to engage Nikki who seemed a little distant.

"I could say the same," Nikki replied, cursing herself the moment those words left her mouth.

"I was just being concerned," Helen said, her expression showing hurt. "Is that so wrong?"

"Why are you so bloody concern about me all of a sudden?" Nikki said, feeling tired. Her dreams were still affecting her and having Helen so close was more than she could handle. Maybe it wasn't a good idea sleeping in the same bed she thought to herself.

"I'm just being a good friend to you Nikki. I care about what happens to you." Helen said harshly, not happy that Nikki choose to shut her out. Why was she bothered by Nikki's cold demeanor? What she really wanted was to hold Nikki and make her feel safe. In truth, so wanted more than just to hold Nikki. She wanted to touch Nikki. Her body wanted the closeness, the sexual desire she got from Nikki's simple touch. But she wasn't suppose to feel that way.

"Is that all you feel." Nikki didn't care anymore. She had to know if Helen was playing games with her.

"What kind of question is that?" Helen said looking into the deep brown eyes full of desire that were staring deeply into hers.

"You mean you don't know?" Nikki cried, shaking her head. Was Helen messing with her psyche?

"Are you still banging about your attraction towards me?" Helen said feeling stupid.

"I'm in love with you you daft cow," Nikki sighed heavily. "Not just attracted do you understand? I love you."

"You love me?" Helen said in a surprise voice. She didn't realise that Nikki was in love with her. She suspected but hearing the words confirmed everything. She felt a sudden rush of heat permeate her body as if her soul was on fire.

"Bingo, give a round applause to Helen Stewart." Helen didn't appreciate Nikki's tone of voice as it made her feel foolish. "Yes, Helen, I'm in love with you, and that is why I kissed you again, and I know what I did is wrong, but…once again I've managed to shock you." Nikki replied. Nikki was beginning to feel that she did the wrong thing by kissing Helen. Nikki took a breather and sighed. Helen noticed that Nikki's voice was calmer. "I'm sorry Helen, you are my friend...I don't want anything to change between us." Nikki had to look away. "It's just I really can't help how I feel about you. I won't do something reckless like that again if that's what you're worry about. It's plain and clear that it's unwanted and I don't want to hurt you. I'm being selfish and only thinking of myself."

Helen sighed. "Nikki," she said, the anger gone from her voice, "That's okay. I won't hold that against you." Was all that she could say. She felt bad knowing she was the reason that Nikki was in turmoil. She flirted with Nikki and enjoyed all the sensations that came with it but she was just a coward when it came to expressing her feelings. She just continued looking at Nikki as they both stood there wondering what to do next.

All of a sudden Helen put her hands on Nikki's shoulders, leaned forward, and tentatively kissed her. At the feel of Nikki's mouth responding to her, she increased the urgency of the kiss. The two women stayed like that for a few seconds then proceeded to move, and, still kissing, Nikki reached for Helen's waist and pulled her closer. Helen had to stop herself now. She was feeling so much right now that it was making her want to burst. Her foundation was crumbling and she didn't know how to hold herself together. She knew that she wanted to kiss Nikki but Sean, her parents, normality of life was coming down quickly that she felt herself being drowned in the tidal waves. Then Helen pushed Nikki away and started to softly cry.

Nikki looked confused. One minute she was kissing Helen and then next minute she felt like she was being slapped in the face. Then thoughts of Helen feeling guilty and ashamed for kissing her started to surface her mind. She wanted to run but she couldn't ignore Helen. Helen was her friend, and she was in pain. She couldn't just stand there and do nothing. But what could she do? She felt like she was to blame!

"I care about you Nikki, nothing will change that," Helen said, her voice full of warmth and concern.

"Don't you feel there's something between us then?" Nikki asked, looking over at Helen who was trying to not show her emotions.

Helen froze in fear. Of course she did but she couldn't tell Nikki. "Why is that so important to you?

"Don't try that shite on me," Nikki demanded. She knew Helen was holding back.

Helen knew she had to get out of this situation before her heart confessed her deepest desires. "I think you know the answer to that question."

Nikki walked towards Helen, so close she felt she could feel Helen's heartbeat. Helen turned her head away. "Why won't you look at me? What are you so afraid of?"

"Nikki, please, don't." Helen said, her breathing heavier and her body hot with desire. Whatever Nikki was doing was making her feel like she wanted to explode.

"But why Helen? What am I doing to you?" Nikki pressed on. She could see the desire in Helen's eyes and no matter how hard she wanted to stop she just couldn't. Maybe she wanted one night of passion with Helen. Just one night before reality sunk in.

"Don't make this difficult," Helen pleaded. The closer Nikki got towards her the wetter she felt inside.

"Tell me you don't feel this right now. Tell me you don't feel a passion burning inside your soul." Nikki was feeling brave and didn't care about the consequences. "The thing is I want to kiss you, make love to you all night long and I know that what you are feeling at this very moment is the same. I can see it in your eyes."

"You're wrong Nikki, I don't," But before Helen could say anything Nikki grabbed her hand and put it over her heart.

Nikki's heart was beating so fast as if it was going to burst. "Do you think about me sexually? You kissed me back."

Helen's head was spinning, she felt herself lose control. Looking at Nikki she was reminded about her dreams. It was always the same dream. About them making love, sweet passionate love.

Nikki was mere inches away from Helen, and she could feel her warm breath on her. "Tell me the truth Helen?" Nikki said so sweet and softly. "Do you feel me?"

And then a single word came out as if it had a will on its own. "Yes," was all Helen could say. She closed her eyes and stood there feeling Nikki's breath on her face.

But then Nikki suddenly felt awful. She crossed the line. She promised herself she wouldn't do this and yet she ignored the warning bells. The she thought about Trisha. What a sod she was. Again she allowed herself to get under Helen's skin and the worst part, she pressured Helen into confessing her desires. What a lout she thought to herself. She backed away from Helen. "I'm so sorry, Helen. I shouldn't have said those things to you. You're engaged and I took advantage of a weak moment. Please forgive me. I think we were just both feeling very lonely at the moment and allowed our heads to get clouded."

Helen was too emotional to respond. She wanted to hide herself away. It was her fault that Nikki was backtracking and regretting her actions.

"Helen," she said softly. No response. "Helen?" The sobbing continued. "Look at me?"

Helen removed her hands from her face, "I shouldn't have done that Nikki." Helen's eyes were red and her tears smeared on her face.

"Shhh….don't cry love. Look we're friends and what happened, happened. It doesn't have to mean anything. It was probably a mistake. You were just in a moment." Nikki was trying to reassure Helen but she was betraying her words. But she did want it to happen and now she found herself backtracking.

Helen froze. "What ... what did you just say, Nikki?"

"I said we probably should go back to sleep and things will be okay in the morning."

"That's not what you said." Helen stated. She did not sound angry or upset, but rather perplexed at the situation. It wasn't Nikki's fault. She was giving her mix messages. The rationale in her was telling it was wrong since she had Sean, but her heart, and body was responding to Nikki. She knew she could not help herself, but at the moment she needed Nikki.

"Yes, Helen, I know but I don't like to see you cry." Nikki replied.

"You're not making me cry," Helen said, her eyes never leaving Nikki. "I'm just feeling so much right now and I'm afraid that I will lose control."

"What are you saying," Nikki's heart began to race. Was this a dream?

"This is so hard," Helen said, swallowing hard. "You're are an incredible woman. You make me feel things I never thought I could feel. When I'm with you I feel safe and at the same time lost. You've been completely honest with me about how you feel and I admire that quality in you." Helen said, feeling her heart beat like a drum. "I have a hard time expressing and I think you know that…what I am trying to say is that…I mean you know I'm attracted to you, but," Helen said continuing looking into the big brown eyes that were staring at her intently. "I think…I think I'm in love with you too Nikki."

A fire began to burn in Nikki's eyes as she felt the urgency to press against Helen. It would have been so easy to give in completely to her dark thoughts. It had been so long since Nikki felt this kind of power with another woman. A lust that she had desperately tried to suppress, yet Nikki fought it with an intensity she did not think she had. Nikki stilled her rhythmic movements against Helen and brought her hands up to Helen's head, tilting her face down to meet Helen's intense gaze. Nikki watched as Helen audibly gulped, a slight look of panic forming in her eyes. In a low voice that burred its way into the Helen's head Nikki insisted, "I want the truth. And please do not lie to me. Do you want me to stop?"

Helen soon met Nikki's upward thrusts as she tried desperately to quell the growing ache in her belly. It was a raw burning desire that up until now she had never encountered. Her need to feel Nikki touch her everywhere was overwhelming her senses, and she drew Nikki closer again and again, trying to bury the fire deep inside her. "No Nikki, please don't stop." Was all she could say.

Helen felt powerless, betrayed by her own cravings. The battle lust had weakened her resolve, if only a little, and she had been exposed to a small taste of pleasure that she had hoped to always keep buried. She knew she should have left Nikki's loft and fled the opposition direction into her safe cocoon. But she quickly talked herself into staying for her own selfish need to be near Nikki. But before she realised what she was doing, she found herself sharing the same bed with Nikki. It was supposed to be a simple sleep over as her conscience promised her. And she believed it foolishly.

"You are so beautiful, Helen," Nikki whispered fiercely, her warm breath against the side of Helen's face. "Being alone in my room is a mistake," Nikki continued softly, as she gently touched the soft curvatures of Helen's face. "I've wanted you for so long, I knew that restraint with you here would be next to impossible." Nikki searched Helen's face with her intense gaze, her eyes focussing on Helen's mouth. "Your lips are so soft, you smell wonderful."

Helen had to hold her breath, her body ached. Her brain told her to stop but her body went along with Nikki. She had no control and it sure wasn't the alcohol feeding her sexual hunger. "Nikki," She said, in a whisper.

"Don't speak Helen, just feel with your body." Nikki demanded, then fear crossed Nikki's eyes. What was she doing? She would regret this in the morning. Helen would hate her. Was she taking advantage over Helen's state of mind? The feeling was too overwhelming for sensibility. "Are you afraid?" Nikki asked.

Helen couldn't speak. She was too scared to move. Her body was alive and all she wanted was for Nikki to touch her. She was also keenly aware that if they went further, things would be different. But she didn't care. She wasn't thinking clearly.

"Do you want me?" Nikki asked, breathing heavy.

"Yes," Helen said without hesitation. She was lost in a world of her own.

"What do you want Helen?" Nikki asked, her breathing heavy.

Helen bit her lower lip, and searched for the right words, but found none. She was too overwhelmed by the words that her heart felt constricted. She let out a heavy sigh and with her hands still entwined with Nikki she squeezed it tightly as she moved closer. Helen put her fingers on Nikki's lips, "sshh, don't say a word." Helen leaned over and kissed Nikki softy on the lips. It felt like lightning bolts rupturing their bodies and the passion that immersed them fuelled the desire to deepen the kiss.

Nikki kissed Helen hungrily, as if her mouth was an appendage with a will of its own. Helen stopped Nikki and looked into the deep brown eyes that were filled with desire. Could she continue...or did she need to stop now before she regretted her decision...her mind was so confused. She knew she needed to stop before she lost all control of her body, but her brain could not tell her mouth to say the words 'stop'. The yearning for Nikki to touch her was overwhelming. She felt so sexually charged that her mind was racing a million time faster. Her mind kept telling her that it was wrong, so wrong because she was with Sean, but her body screamed for a sexual release that she had never felt in her life. A hunger growing within her that she knew only Nikki could release. All she could think about was how good it felt having Nikki's pressed body against her, moving with a delicate rhythmic movement that burned her skin. Nikki lifted Helen with her strong arms and moved her towards the bed. She slowly unzipped Helen's jeans all the while kissing her like a skillful lover as she lowered her hand, carefully running her fingers on Helen's leg until she found what she longed for.

"You're so wet," Nikki smiled, as she licked her lips, desire shimmering in her eyes.

Helen gasped. "Oh God, this feels so good," Nikki felt so wonderful, heavenly but then the moment was marred when a flash of guilt crossed her eyes.