"You're more of a man than people give you credit for, including yourself. Sure I'm afraid of the monster in you, but the man you are-"
"Man I am? What are you talking about? You've known me for a day or two and you know the kind of man I am?" Kane stood up from his chair. 'She's delusional.'
" I didn't say what kind of man you are . . . just that you are one. Sure you're a dick but that doesn't make you a complete monster. Plus, this might blow you away Kane, it's year Two thousand and six, they have this thing called the internet, and you're on it. So yes I don't you on an emotional and intellectual level but I know more than you think. I know that you haven't been shown much kindness over the years, no one has done you any favors. You didn't have open that door for me the other night, you didn't have to talk to me this whole time . . . you gave me a chance when the world never gave you the same, that says something about-" Carrie's long winded speech was cut down dead in it's tracks.
"You threatened to burn my hotel room to the ground, you didn't give me much choice." Kane was quick to remind her. 'I put her in my bed, I've protected her . . . I've tolerated her.' In his mind Kane listed some of the things he had done for Carrie that had no necessity. 'Women equal pain. Why am I bending over backwards for this woman I barely know?' Kane's body language read defeat as he realized there was no going back now. Somehow this girl had snuck her way into his life, he could still put a stop to it but he could not go in reverse, she had left her mark. Kane was now stuck in this awkward limbo, half resenting and half enjoying Carrie's company.
"Annnnd . . . you forgave me! Would a monster do that? That's what friends do you know"
'Friends?' Kane mulled over the concept.
"They forgive each other when they blatantly threaten bodily harm!" Carrie could see she got the smallest of smirks from Kane. He rolled his eyes when in turn he saw the victorious look in Carrie's eyes.
'Lets not get ahead of ourselves. Friends just betray you in the end. I know you even less than you know me, what makes you any different from the rest Carrie?' His chin rested in his palm, he could feel an aching inside of him, he wanted Carrie to be different. Kane tried to push his desire aside, tried to forget all the mayhem that had just transpired, staring vapidly at the T.V screen.
"How can I make it up to you?" Carrie worried that Kane was shutting her out yet again. 'So close, we were so close to moving forward Kane!'
"Make it up to me?" Against better judgement he glanced over at Carrie, he could see by the pained look upon her face that she did genuinely feel guilty about the way she had acted that first night. "You can stop looking at me like that!" Kane huffed staring back at the screen. 'How many times can I bark at her like that before she doesn't bark back?' After all this arguing with both Carrie and himself he began to imagine what it was going to feel like when eventually he really did push her away, the time was looming, he could feel it. 'Alone I'll be alone just like before.' Again that aching feeling racked him, he didn't want to be alone. 'Stop it! Stop it!' He tried again to suppress all those feelings, it was getting harder and harder to do, he was about to burst at the seams.
"Not good enough!" Carrie slammed a fist onto her thigh.
"What?" This time Kane did not turn to her.
"I threaten to kill you and in exchange you want me to change my expression? Dream big Kane! There's got to be something you want?!"
"Trust me you don't want me . . . to get what I really want." Kane's voice was cold and cryptic. 'If I got what I want . . . you'd never survive Carrie. That's why . . . I never get what I want. Women equal pain . . . but that doesn't mean they're incapable of feeling it themselves. You'll go down in flames with me Carrie and I DON'T want that.' He was growing numb.
"Well if you're going to be a sour puss about it I'll have to think of something for you. Let's see-"
"Stop it just stop it!" Kane boomed finally getting Carrie's full undivided attention, there'd be no more joking, no more sarcasm, no more optimistic words. "What I WANT is for you to leave me alone, that's what I've WANTED since the beginning!"
"I see . . ." Carrie nodded mulling over what she'd do next. "I'm trying here . . . I was trying. I was going to invite you to the fish hatchery with us but I'm not going to twist your arm. I'm not going to force someone who has some deep seeded hatred for me to-"
"Fish hatchery? Who the hell goes to fish hatcheries?" Kane was sure he had misheard her. 'Is this what she does to entertain herself when I'm not around? Watch fish spawn? Who is us?' The sheer ridiculousness of her plans momentarily took over the angry conversation.
"Well Sidney and them wanted to go to the zoo, but I don't do zoos so we're meeting in the middle with a fish hatchery. Give me a break there's not a lot to do in the middle of Idaho, they have a baked potato museum, there's not a lot going on. What does it matter to you any way?"
"And you decided on fish eggs over potatoes? You're a strange woman." He could feel it, this was the moment he had moments ago been dreading, this was the straw that broke the camel's back, he could see the underlying anger in Carrie's face, she was done being yelled at.
"You don't know anything about me!" Carrie retorted with one of Kane's previous statements, sending him back a step.
"Why don't you do zoos?" Kane knew it was a moot point but he continued on.
"If you must know. I'm convinced they can smell me." Carrie's arms were folded in a defensive stance.
"Smell you?" Kane couldn't help but scoff. 'She does have a certain smell to her.' He vaguely remembered it from laying next to her. 'But who is smelling her?'
"Yeah. The lions the tigers the bears! They look at me like their sizing me up, ready to take a big bite. They can smell the fear. Something I'm sure you know all about!" Carrie was pulling no punches. 'I'm not that kinda girl . . . taking all this shit, caving to the asshole every time. Two can play this game . . .be a total dick! I let that happen once before, never again!'
"Zoos aren't death traps." Kane didn't let it go, speaking quickly while trying not to let Carrie's jabs get to him. Kane remembered taking Katie to the zoo on one of their first dates, he had been the one that took some major convincing at that time. Zoos were one of the few types of establishments that held nothing but pleasant memories to him.
"Yeah maybe for you, huge oaf! You could fist fight the bear off! I . . . I don't want to go out there right now." She looked at the broken door wedged up haphazardly against the entrance as she abruptly changed the subject. "So let me stay the night and I'll be dust in the wind tomorrow. You'll have to bear my existence on show nights but those few hours aside you'll never have to see me again ok?" Those last words pierced through Kane.
'Never again.' He stared at her for a minute. 'Let her go. Women equal pain.' He tried to come to terms with the idea. 'I just told her what I want . . . to be alone, but-'
"I'll even ask nicely, though you don't deserve it. Please let me stay the night, you can even have the bed I just can't . . . he's like the bears, he's waiting outside somewhere ready to pounce."
"Go to sleep." Kane shrugged. 'I want to be alone, but I also can't let him get to her, I'll protect her.' He made no move to the bed, just turned the T.V up louder.
"You're going to stay sitting like that all night?" Carrie didn't want to care but she also couldn't deny that she was concerned about the monster's well being. 'He got beat to hell he can't just stay up like this he should rest.' Bastard or not, he had protected her, she had to acknowledge that.
"I couldn't sleep if I wanted to." Kane shook his head. 'You hate me now, like everyone else, you're no different Carrie but I . . . still don't want you to feel that pain, not if I can help it.' He lamented over the fact he'd never feel her intoxicating skin again. 'Neither will anyone else within my path.'
"Fine suit yourself." Carrie walked to the bathroom to put on her Pjs. "I'll be the bigger person. . . Thanks." She slammed the door shut behind her. 'You didn't have to do this either Kane, could've just threw me out with the trash.' She leaned against the wall. 'You can't make up your mind can you? You want to be alone . . . but fight as you might, you don't hate me as much as you say.' She let out a sigh trying to calm herself. 'What am I going to do with you?' She didn't say anything when she passed by him on her way to the bed. 'At each other's throats like this. . . what will become of this?' She clamped her eyes shut forcing sleep to come over her. She'd think about it in the morning.
Kane sat there silently as the hours passed turning the T.V off he got lost in thought as the pace of Carrie's breathing soothed his aching head. He felt his eyelids getting heavy, he was tired and hurting but he was determined to stay awake, to stay vigilant. He made the mistake of looking over at Carrie, he couldn't pull his eyes away. 'I can't take this anymore. I can't tolerate her anymore.' Standing up he stood over the sleeping woman. 'I have to make a choice, make a move.' A large hand went down to Carrie's throat, indulging his now addiction to her skin. 'She'll make me . . . she's making me weak.' stocky fingers traced her windpipe. 'I don't know when, but she wants to use me for her own gain, I know she will, they always do. I've been down this road before, it only leads to pain. Her facade is cracking, she can't pretend to like me anymore.' Kane began to sweat, the stress getting to him emotionally and now physically.
'Hurt her before she hurts you.' A voice Kane hadn't heard in years popped seemingly out of nowhere. 'She plans on hurting you, Kane you know that don't you? That aside, you're not a good protector, you'd falter, you'd fail and when you're no longer useful she'll turn on you just like the others.'
'Shut up! I don't need your opinion!' Kane's body tensed.
'All but Katie betrayed you. . . and you couldn't even hold onto her. What makes you so delusional Kane? What makes you think Carrie will beat the odds? Just get it over with, it will only hurt more the longer you wait.' The voice tried to provoke Kane into action.
'I saved her, I protected her.' Kane's shaky hand rhythmically stroked Carrie's skin.
'This time!'
'I have to do something, I can't live like this anymore! This is torture!' He was beginning to crack, his hand tightened around Carrie's throat. Her eyes sparked open, but he did not let go.
'You'll feel better after wards I swear. Everything will go back to normal, I'll leave you alone agin.' That promise sent Kane over the edge. He squeezed his clutch harder as Carrie flailed under his hold, trying to pull him off, scratching punching all to no avail.
"I'm sorry Carrie." His fingers dug into her perfect skin. Kane could hear her gasping for air, still pointlessly attempting to fight back. He choked her for what seemed like an eternity but in a flash something changed. Kane let go, as he saw her skin turning a sickning grey, her lips a morbid blue he snatched his hand back, he had changed his mind. "I don't want to do this! I don't want to hurt her!" He took quick steps back and began to pace the floor holding his head in his hands. "Carrie don't . . . don't leave! I wont let the voices get to me! I won't hurt you again, he's wrong I can protect you, even from me!' Carrie hadn't moved since he let go. "Carrie?" He clenched his eyes shut fearing it was too late. 'What have I done?'
When Kane finally opened his eyes he was seated in the chair, his blood was pumping furiously through his veins. 'Was it . . . was it a dream?' Had he conjured those actions in his sleep it had been a nightmare not a dream. Looking at his arm he saw no claw marks from Carrie's struggle. Sitting thinking over what seemed too real he didn't hear the voice. Kane stood, his legs feeling somewhat numb. Hesitantly he walked over to the bed. Looking down, her face looked normal, not discolored as the last time he had seen her. Pulling the covers down slightly he inspected her neck, no hand prints, no bruises. He still had to be sure though. "Carrie?" His voice was dry and wavering. She didn't move, she didn't wake. "Carrie?!" He shook her slightly.
"Kane just let me sleep a little longer! I'm a wicked bitch when I don't get enough sleep, you think I'm annoying now you have no idea." Giving a yawn her eyes fluttered open.
'She's alive!' Kane felt a wave of relief and even what some people might call joy flood over him. 'She's alive.' He couldn't believe it, finally he had gotten something he wanted.
"What?" Carrie yawned again, perplexed at the uncharacteristically pleased look on Kane's face.
"I had . . . I'm just . . ."
"Spit it out! What is it? Elated that I'm two steps from gone?" She rubbed her eyes knowing she was not going to get back to sleep.
"Get dressed." He decided not to tell her of the horrifying dream. 'I can't tell her . . . not now. She's already mad I can't risk losing her not after that.'
"Really?" Her tone was one of annoyance as she sluggishly rose into a seated position. "Is it that imperative that I go? What is it? You have plans?"
"If you don't get dressed I'll take you as you are." He picked her up with ease and began to carry her to the bathroom. Placing her back on her feet he stood as a wall between her and anywhere else in the room.
"Ok Ok fine." For a second time she slammed the door shut.
"Why didn't you let me bring my stuff?" Carrie was still dazed and confused as she sat in Kane's car.
" Carrie I'm not-"
"You haven't even asked where my friends are staying." She watched as they left the parking lot, taking a swift left. "You gonna drop me off on the side of the road?" They got on the highway. Her voice was still sharp and heated as she asked questions that she gave Kane no time to answer.
"For being half a sleeping you're giving me a hell of an interrogation" He turned to her, still on a high from knowing he hadn't killed her, he wouldn't let her sour attitude get to him. "I'm not kicking you out . . . you can stay with me, you don't need to move your stuff, I don't need to know where your friends are."
"Are you crazy?" Carrie could not believe her ears. 'Not six hours ago he was yelling loud enough for everyone in the tristate area to hear that I was an unbearable burden. Now I can stay?'
"Have you ever heard the phrase there are no stupid questions? You just proved them wrong. You've googled me, you know I'm not right in the head." He tapped a finger against his head before looking back at the road. 'I've been horrible to her from the beginning, I can't blame her for being so angry.'
"Have you ever heard the phrase mixed messages? You're the definition." Carrie rubbed her temples trying to understand what was going on.
"Crazy people tend to be indecisive. I was riled up yesterday, and I have a short fuse. Coming down from the rage, after a fight, not my strong suit" He tried to explain his actions. 'I've made my choice, I want you around Carrie, I want a friend, I'll deal with the repercussions when they come . . . like a man.'
"That makes sense I'll give you that . . . I don't plan on letting this go Kane. You really fucking hurt my feelings." Her face counteracted her words as her smile slowly crept back to it's resting place, Kane knew it was there to stay for better or for worse.
'Feelings are for fools.' His nose wrinkled at the notion. He was a monster, a machine, he had no use for feelings, though now it seemed they were unavoidable. 'But if she wasn't a fool maybe I wouldn't be able to tolerate her. She is the way she is, I am the way I am and this is how we are . . . this is how we coexist and this won't change.'
"So Kane?" She got his attention back, it was written all over his face another inner dialog was taking place. 'What's going on in that messed up head of his? Maybe we wouldn't fight as much if he just opened up a little bit.'
"Huh?" Kane noticed he was making headway, she was at least talking to him now, not snapping in distain.
"Where ARE we going?" It was early morning or at least to Carrie it was, and she was confused as to what was so important she couldn't sleep in.
"Don't worry about it, you'll know it when we get there." Kane felt he had to do something for her, he had to make up for what he had done to her both in reality and in his mind.
"Kane I don't like surprises. I knocked my friend Glenn's front tooth out when he jumped out at me during a surprise party fiasco!"
"Punched his tooth out?" Kane was taken back by the prospect of brute violence coming out of Carrie.
"Straight sucker punch to the face." She mimicked the motion with a strike to the air. "There was blood . . . really dampened the party atmosphere." They both chuckled at the statement. "He had to go to the dentist like five times."
"I'm not worried." Kane shook his head, a smirk on his face.
"No?"
"You'd have a hard enough time just reaching my face with a fist, let alone sucker punching a tooth out."
"Mixed in with all your bullshit you've been making some solid points. Still don't like surprises." She tried to get the information out of Kane.
"Still not telling you. Will you shut up if I get you a slurpee before we get there?" Kane tried to bribe her into compliance.
"A slurpee at six thirty at the morning? Sold!" Carrie's first meek smile grew to a full fledged grin.
"Oh fuck to the no!" Carrie locked her car door, and began to sink into her seat when she realized where they finally stopped. "Is this your idea of some sick joke?" Carrie could see out the window the sign for Yellowstone Bear world. "You must be out your goddamn mind if you think I am stepping one foot in there!"
"You'll be fine relax." Kane laughed, he had not expected such a reaction from her. "You can even feed the bears." He had seen the brochure in the lobby of the hotel and after hearing of Carrie's fears he couldn't help himself.
"Yeah my flesh and bones! You're trying to get me killed aren't you?"
"You'll forgive me." Stepping out of the car Kane unlocked the doors and forcefully pulled Carrie from her hiding position. When she made no attempt to walk he lifted her up carrying her over his shoulder.
"Forgive you? Are you kidding me this is just cruel!"
"That's what friends do remember? Forgive each other when they threaten bodily harm?"
"Loops hole, touche. Put me down Kane I can't exactly run away" With hesitation she followed him to the entrance.
"Don't worry if I see a bear attempting to eat you I have no problem tombstoning wildlife."
"Sure . . . that sounds reasonable . . . tombstoning wildlife." Carrie muttered to herself as they walked in.
"There are my friends! Hey Sidney, Janet, Lizzie you'll never guess where I just was!" Returning to the hotel she rolled down the window, waving feverishly through the crack.
"Carrie you filthy cunt! Making us wait twenty minutes outside like a bunch of idiots where the fuck have you been?" A visibly annoyed man shouted back to her as the car came to a stop.
"What did he call you?" Kane and Carrie had surprisingly had a good time, both actually enjoying themselves, no arguments no injuries, both returning in one piece. Regardless of all that on a dime Kane's demeanor changed. 'Who the hell does he think he is?!'
"If I heard right . . . a filthy cunt." Carrie shrugged, she had expected such a greeting.
"Stay here." Kane growled as he started to open the door with all intentions of approaching this Sidney person.
"Whoa Whoa hold your horses, it's alright I'll call him worse by the time the day is through." She put a hand on Kane's chest to restrain him, Carrie could feel his labored breathing and tightened muscles.
'Quick on the defense dude, but you're going to have to get used to them.' Carrie began to dread the introductions. "Last chance to come to the fish hatchery with us." Carrie offered though she assumed she knew the answer.
"I'm not going to some salmon sperm bank." Kane quickly shut her down.
"Hatchery." Carrie corrected him.
"Same difference. I've had enough tourist attractions for one day I should be at the gym anyway. I'll see you when you get back." Kane shrugged, the entire tour of the reserve he had been gawked at, he sucked it up on Carrie's behalf but he had no desire to endure more. "Tell your friend to watch his mouth." He glared at Sidney as they both exited the car.
"Ok . . . Well I'll see you later." Carrie waved as Kane walked to the hotel entrance. "I'll bring back some dinner ok?" She shouted as he moved farther away.
"Just not fish." Kane not turning around waved back at her.
"So that's him." Sidney watched the giant disappear through the doors. "Scary looking motherfucker." He hadn't let go that Kane had put his hands on Carrie that first night.
"That's him, he's not so bad . . . all the time." Carrie had a content smile on her face.
"Where'd you get the teddy bear?" Lizzie noticed a stuffed animal wrapped in Carrie's arms.
"Money doesn't buy happiness but it helps buy forgiveness." She looked down at the fuzzy brown bear. 'A fresh start . . . that's where we're at now. Lets hope it goes smother this time.' Grinning she had a feeling things were looking up for her and Kane's friendship.