D: Disclaimed

Chapter Eighteen

Rachel admitted that she was a bit over her head and that she might have had a few more drinks than she had planned, but it sort of made sense. With Jacob and I tying the knot –or so how they put it, there was a possibility that I could have some power and some say in whatever the council decides. The leadership structure here was more traditional rather than political, and stepping in through marriage, I would just have enough say as Rachel and the others did.

I didn't bother mentioning any of this to Jacob; it was enough that it seemed that he had a lot on his mind. Though I wasn't aware that he had to deal with my father's bickering. The fact that I'm hardly home now, my father began to blame Jacob for being that reason. He was accusing him of holding me hostage practically and not allowing me to see my family, especially when I haven't been making the efforts to keep in contact. But it was so like Jacob to keep it from me rather than stress me about my father. The only reason I had found out if it hadn't been for Tyler and his tendency to say more than he should.

After calling my parents and updating them on my whereabouts, my father found some sort of relief knowing that Jacob wasn't up to his old ways. The thing was, as much as my father made Jacob sound like he was the bad guy; I had never really seen that side of him. Whether it be the imprint or not, Jacob had never put any blame or anger towards me. He's been nothing but supportive, and a bit patient.

As everyone thinks, most of them are wrong. As dominant as Jacob comes off as, he has never forced me any further than I'm willing to go. I do feel guilty at times knowing that I practically set him off the edge, but when my hormones get the best of me and I catch myself, I find myself disappointing us both.

It used to be the age gap that bothered me, but now seeing eye to eye with Jacob, I tend to forget that he's much older than I am. We've both decided that it would be only when I was ready, but now I was more afraid than anything. It didn't help either that the pack had compared me to my mother; they were sure that I was all over Jacob every chance I had.

Now I can't seem to look at my mom the same way either.

Though I do admit that I am more interested in taking things further with Jacob, but my conscience always seems to get the best of me. Should I wait until we do get married? How long will that be? And how long can I ask Jacob to wait with being fair to him? I hear stories of some people waiting a long time, but is that being fair?

I hated this constant arguing with myself. No one wins and no one loses.

Being that I had adjusted to a new routine here at Jacob's, well our house now, I found myself missing my grandparents. I knew that Jacob would most likely be at Rachel and Paul's till later, so I figured I'd go back for a visit.

It did seem different. Everything did ever since I decided to move out. My old room was now grandma Sue's sewing sanctuary, and grandpa had finally fixed up his own man cave in one of the old storage rooms. They even switched up the furniture thanks to my parents. They decided to give them something big for their tenth year anniversary, and they hadn't been more thankful.

Like I said, everything was different, and everything changed. Though grandma Sue hadn't been more excited to see me the moment I knocked on the door. It was so like her to give me grief for knocking, but it was a habit built now that I hadn't lived here for almost two months. The time spend at the reservation has really pulled me away from here more than I had expected.

I did miss it here. It wasn't often that I had come her nor visiting my other grandparents. I was finally beginning to understand why my father had jumped to conclusions when it was really me that closed myself in. But I couldn't be blamed for finding that comfort. Now that I've looked back at the moment I had moved in with Jacob, it was more like we were in a honeymoon stage. Every chance we had to spend together was the time we were grateful for.

After about an hour of visiting my grandparents, they reminded me to come by more often. It was grandpa Charlie that made me promise too.

After a small debate with myself, I decided I would face the music and visit my parents as well. I've only dropped by a few times, but never to actually associate like they had hoped. But ever since the whole Nahuel thing began to die down, it just felt like I didn't really need to be around the manor. But… I believe it was more of a fear now.

Ever since grandpa Carlisle explained to us of my abilities, contact with those who had abilities was at a minimum. Which meant that I avoided most of my family. I could take upon grandpa's compassion, but other than that, I just didn't want to suddenly pick up something I dreaded. Which made me feel guilty for especially avoiding my aunt Alice when she least deserved it. She had always been there for me, and yet I was treating her like she was some sort of disease.

Avoiding all of this could mean something bad too. Unlike my family, I hadn't been tapping into my abilities lately, and because of it, it could mean a risk if I don't embrace it. Was I coward to fear? My gift was supposed to be a gift, so why did I see it as a curse? Maybe it did have something to do with Nahuel. If there was some sort of connection to my future, then I wanted nothing to do with visions I had picked up from him. That would mean that in some way, Nahuel would have to be a part of my life. There would always be a connection that I never wanted.

By the time I had arrived, everything had been set up for my arrival. I should have expected it knowing that aunt Alice would have seen it, Jacob wasn't with me this time, so should have expected her to be standing on the front steps waiting for my arrival.

"I was beginning to question my visions." She said in her soft tone. I slowly stepped out of the car and walked to her, hoping and praying that I wouldn't do anything to upset her or alarm the both of us.

Thankfully the hugs were normal, and uncle Jasper had even surprised me by telling me how much he missed me. Of course there wasn't much time before uncle Emmett came tackling down the steps and lifting me like a feather and squeezing me into a hug.

"Did you forget about us squirt!"

"I'm getting to grown for that nickname uncle Emmett."

"Say what you want kid, you'll always be a squirt to me."

"How are you doing Sebastian?" Aunt Rose chimed in with a kiss on the cheek. "I was beginning to really miss you."

"We all miss you." My mother said after her, now pulling me in for a hug.

"I can see Jacob delivered my message." My father added.

"It wasn't Jacob's fault." I fended, "I just been busy getting settled in."

"That usually happens after a wedding." My father added again, "at least according to tradition."

"Is that you giving you blessing brother?" Aunt Rose suggested as we followed the others inside the house.

"Don't twist my words Rose." He shook his head, "besides, Jacob needs to come here and ask for our blessing."

"Can we not talk about this." I interrupted as I sat next to nana Esme, "at least for the time being, I just came to see how everyone was doing."

"Surviving." Uncle Emmett replied, "and a bit uneventful since you haven't been around."

"Surely an eternity spent can be easily occupied by now."

"Not since you were born."

I don't think it was ever uncle Emmett's intentions to make me feel guilty, but at least his honesty was something I had admired. He didn't make it unknown that him and aunt Rose practically considered me as their own child in some way. I knew they wanted a family, and I was the closest to having a son that they would ever get.

Makes me wish that aunt Rose had the same options as my mother had, but after hearing of her story, I now understand why she is so independent and protective over me. A part of me hopes that I could give them that some sort of comfort.

Visiting was well needed, and I was sure that they agreed. But as time ran short, I was beginning to miss Jacob –even though he was only a couple miles from him, it felt as if it were more than a continent. I was beginning to realize just how much everyone was effected by it, how the absence of a mate can bother a person.

It didn't take me long to cut the visit short, and even though I apologized, I was grateful that they were beginning to understand just how I felt about Jacob, including my father. It would only seem right seeing how each of them knew just what I was going through.

It felt as though I hadn't seen Jacob for a week when I had just seen him this morning. I already wanted to feel his warmth around me once again; his kisses that made me feel special. I kept thinking that the imprint was just getting stronger, and the stronger it would get, would I be able to tell him that I was finally ready to take the next step.

But what really was the next step. Some would say marriage, but others believe it to be giving yourself fully. What would be the next step for me? Is there something I could be missing?

It didn't take me long before I was already pulling up the driveway and into the parking spot. I could tell that Jacob wasn't home just yet, but came to a surprise as soon as I entered the house. Next to the door were bags, his, and mine next to a couple sleeping bags with an airbag and a tent. But he was nowhere in sight, and I was beginning to wonder where exactly he could be.

As I found myself eagerly waiting his return, I quickly showered before changing into something warmer. By that time, I could hear him rustling around in the kitchen and smell the food that permeated throughout the house.

"Did you enjoy your visits?" He turned just as I entered the kitchen.

"Yeah, " I smiled, "I almost forgot how much I missed them, even though they don't live that far away."

"It's good you do, they've been very insistent I remind you." He let out a chuckle before handing me my plate of food. "Now eat up love, I have a few plans for us."

"How so?"

"Well…" He let out a long breath before wiping his hands with the cloth, "seeing how I have been busy with patrols and council duties, I decide that I needed to take the time out and spend a couple days with you, as much as I could. What other way than to go camping for the weekend."

"Is it Friday already?"

"What's left of it." He let out a laugh before pulling me in for a hug. "Finish up, I'll finish loading the supplies and we can head out before it gets dark. I found the perfect spot."

I was looking forward to alone time with Jacob seeing how it was hardly spent other than the nights he would come in at any hour. Usually he was exhausted, and that wasn't something I could hold against him. If he needed to rest for the weekend, then I would let him, just as long as I could be with him the entire time.

"We wont be hunting this weekend, so I packed your feeding supplies with the rest of the food." He informed me, "was there anything else you needed before we head out."

"No." I replied, grabbing the last of the things before tossing it in back of the truck.

It didn't take us long before we left and began driving to the location that Jacob had only known. "So are you going to tell me where we're going?" I asked as I sat next to him, his hand in mine as I leaned on his shoulder, "or do I have to be surprised."

"It's more of a surprise." He admitted, "I don't think you've ever been there, and it's a place I always wanted to go. Lucky for us, there's a road that can take us all the way there."

Rather than questioning him anymore, I found myself enjoying the sceneries we passed. Jacob telling me about how the pack seems to be developing and how Tyler and Paul are beginning to get closer than they had used to be. It wasn't much of a change with everyone, other than that it could be a possibility that Kim could be expecting their first child.

It sort of made the conversation uncomfortable as we went further into details. I could hear the excitement in Jacob's tone once the topic was brought up, and how proud and hopeful he was that the pack would be welcoming another child into the tribe. Actually those who knew were excited about it, mostly Rachel. I don't think Jacob meant to say it intentionally, but hearing that Rachel and Paul were excited to start their family soon, it made me feel down that I would never be able to give Jacob what he wanted.

"I'm sorry Seb," he grasped my hand a little tighter, "I'm being selfish. Especially knowing our situation."

"I really don't know what to say Jake." I admitted, shrugging my shoulders and staring straight ahead. "It's just the one thing I don't think we'll ever overcome."

"I'll continue to remind you that you're enough for me." His words shook as he lifted my hand to kiss it, "doesn't ever think any different."

"We never really discussed it though Jake." I admitted, looking up at him finally, "it's one thing that we can't seem to go further with either than that you're okay with it." I mumbled on as he sighed, "I know you're not okay with it."

"But what can I do Seb?" He gripped the steering wheel, "I've accepted it. If there were some way for us to have a family, that would be a bonus, but I know it's just us. It will always be just us."

"Look Jake," I shuffled closer, "I'm sorry for hovering over the topic, I didn't mean to ruin the mood."

"It's okay," he wrapped his arm around me, "and you didn't. I just want you know that my definition of happiness is you. We still have a lot of time to approach the topic again, but for now, it's just going to be the two of us. I promise to make this weekend memorable."

About half hour later and an hour before darkness fell, we arrived at the spot Jacob was so eager to show me. The moment we arrived I was sure that these types of places only existed in fairy tales. Trees surrounding the crystal-clear lake, fish jumping and making an appearance across the distilled waters, mountains could be seen in a distance covered with snow. The place was hardly touched; it looked as if only a few people knew about this place.

"This place has no name because it's hardly touched." Jacob informed me as I watched in awe. "Jared found the place and brought Kim here for the first couple years they dated, thankfully he was generous enough to share the place in time."

"It's beautiful Jake." I replied honestly. "It almost seems unreal."

"I figured so." He put the truck in park, "now let's set up camp before it's too late."

It took about half the hour and the night was nearly settling in before we finally had the camp set up to my likings. Jacob was insistent on making it to my perfection; his way of making me feel special any chance he could. Really though, I did feel somewhat privileged that he put me first all of the time.

"Well the fire is alive," Jacob announced proudly, "are you hungry? Should I cook anything?"

"No, I'm fine." I shrugged, "I'll have one of packs, feeling a bit drained."

I'm not sure if Jacob had adjusted to it, or that he just ignores it, but he's always acted normal every time I fed. It's not often that I would feed in front of him, mainly because I was embarrassed of it. But when I had, he acted as if it was just as normal drinking a juice packet. I just didn't know how or why, or if he was okay with me drinking blood. But Jacob had always assured me that it's who I was, and he could never judge me for keeping to my word and only feeding off the animals.

The strange thing about it, and maybe this is proof that Jacob is okay with my habits; but he's the one that kills for my supplies. He's learned how to provide for me in this way that he refuses to let any of my family members do it for me, or for me to do it on my own. It was a rarity that we were able to hunt together –mainly because he worried about me too much. His alpha wolf had always got the best of him, and when it came to me, I was far too weak to survive with him.

I believe it's a dominant thing though. Paul was the one who informed me about it. If it weren't for him, I would've argued with Jacob how it annoyed me. But according to Paul and the others, no one was allowed to provide for me other than him, if any other man or dominant being came into my life to threaten that, Jacob would challenge him through animal instincts. It was always worse for the alpha. He'd kill for his mate.

"Here!" He handed me a Styrofoam cup with a straw, "it's just a little trick your father used on your mother when she was feeding for you. The sight of blood was enough to make all of our stomachs turn, but this helped us all cope with the idea."

"Did it bother you then?"

"Yeah," he chuckled with a sigh before looking back at me. "I was the one who suggested to feed your mother, and if I hadn't, then you just might have killed your mom. Let's change the subject."

"Jacob?" I took a glance to realize that he had been watching me intently.

"Yes, love?"

"I've been having this memory that has… that… I'm not really sure what it is, but I believe it's us. But I don't ever remember you doing this."

It wasn't often, but when the memories would come flooring in, it was a way for me to bond with Jacob, as I would ask him if it was about us, which it usually was. Every time he'd tell me that it was one of his favorites.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I never recall us ever saying goodbye." I replied with a bit of worry, "at least every time the vision plays over, I'm convinced that it never existed, or I made it up somehow."

"It scares you?" The question was more rhetorical, but I could tell that Jacob was still concerned in some ways. All I could do was nod, "I know how that feels. But tell me, please."

"Well it's your voice." I began to recall, as if the visions of what was I believed to be the past, now playing like a television in front of me, a blurry one, "I can hear your voice I mean." I paused to se what I could see, "I believe it to be the library room at the manor, and you're reading a book, and all I can see is your head peaking over the top from behind. Then there's the voice a boy; me actually. I can see his pale arm reach and grasp the arm on the chair. I can hear the eagerness in my voice, the excitement that seems to have to you chuckling from my antics. The more you would read into the story, the more I would speak on what was about to happen next. You're laughing with me, telling me how silly that I was that I could never get through reading time the without spoiling the end." I found myself giggling over the conversation, "I told you my dad was my hero, just like you."

Jacob remained speechless, as he held onto me tighter.

"It goes from father's point of view I believe." I sighed, "I'm sure that it was him that came to get me as I begged you to read me another story. But my father kept saying that it was time to go, that we had to leave. I don't know why, but you agreed and nodded your head as you followed." I paused as the vision had come clearer. Jacob was saying goodbye to me, and that was the last time he had ever acknowledged my existence or me. As everyone was about to go his or her separate ways, I was clueless to what was taking place. Everyone was saying goodbye, and Jacob was more than hesitant. A tear slid down his cheek as he tried to smile, I hadn't noticed until now that he was rubbing the red tear from my cheek. "You were telling me to be safe, and you'll always be watching over me, even if it is from afar. Then you left, and I was sure that I would never really see you anymore until a couple years after."

"You're beginning to remember a lot of it?" Jacob asked, almost disappointed to hear it. "I knew it would happen eventually, it's just I wasn't sure if I'd ever be prepared to explain."

"But I know now." I looked up at him, "that was around the time that the pack kept you from me, and when I saw you again the day Billy brought you over, my heart skipped a beat. I couldn't understand why the sight of you made me feel as if something came back into my life that I had been missing constantly. But you wouldn't talk to me still."

"I was going against the rules there." He admitted. "At that time, my father snuck me over against the pack and councils orders. Dad could see that it was hurting me just as much as it was hurting you, it was his way of easing the agony for a at least a couple hours for the both of us."

"I did feel better." I admitted.

"You have no idea how much I wanted to go over to your grandma to let me hold you," He muttered, "but I couldn't because there would be questions I couldn't answer and feelings going through me knowing that I could still never be in love with you, expecially since you were clueless of me. I was afraid I might hurt you."

"That's how my grandparents found out." I turned to look up at Jake, "right?"

"Sue was always unsure of the meaning of it, but just like my father, she accepted it and tried to understand it." Jake continued, "but your grandfather was the one who was skeptical in the beginning, but after my dad convincing him on one of their many fishing trips, he was able to see just how much you meant to me."

"Everyone seems to understand but my father and me." I admitted with a heavy sigh.

"Your dad understands." Jacob added, "otherwise your mom would mean nothing to him, he just doesn't want to agree with any of it because he's afraid that I might take you away from him."

"Yeah, you're most likely right." I shrugged and leaned in closer to him as we lied on our bed in the tent. "Maybe I'm just afraid to one day say goodbye."

"But you'll never have to," Jake pulled me in to kiss my temple, "as long as I am around, I promise to never let you make that decision."

"Thanks Jake," I smiled before looking up to him again, placing a kiss on his cheek "for everything."

"Always." He mumbled tiredly, "Now get some rest."

I could slowly hear Jacob fall asleep as his snores began to pick up. It was then I realized that there was thing I hated about camping. I couldn't sleep as long Jake could, so that meant I'd be up for most of the night.

Probably thinking.

A/N: Shoutouts go to lytebrytehybrid88, Demon2Angel, wolfhappiness, firpogirl, BurnedSpy, Shalette, FreeSpirit15, The betrayer hunter, and of course Guest(Blue Anchor). Also to those who continue to alert and favor.

Much Love,

TurnItUp03