D: Disclaimed.

Chapter Nineteen

I could say I normally don't do this, but then I'd be lying. In fact, this happened more often than I'd like, frequently and sometimes unexpectedly. Was I embarrassed, only when I was close to being exposed? But like any other teenage boy, these feelings and actions were only normal. All dirty thoughts that were wrapped entirely around the one man I knew I could have, but; wasn't too sure I could perform the task.

I'd often fantasize. Usually in the shower where I knew I had the most privacy and the hopes that Jacob might never hear me under the water. I'd picture large hands grazing my side as he held me close from behind. I'd imagine his wet body pressed against mine, my back to his chest, his other hand rest on my other hip as he circled a spot with his thumb. It was difficult for me to imagine how it would feel with his groin grazed against my rear because I was never sure of how big he was, or if that's exactly what I wanted to happen in my fantasy. The thought of even having him that close to me in my fantasies was enough to frighten me a bit.

But I couldn't help but fantasize. Every time his hands would graze my body, often cherished the porcelain skin that chilled his heated body. Like yin and yang, we loved the experience of having our bodies so close. His body warmed mine, and mine cooled his –polar opposites that worked perfectly for each other.

I found myself in the spring close by. Water sprinkled down the rocky walls like a small waterfall, cascading down the tree branches from above. I couldn't sleep and Jacob seemed to be doing okay in that department. I could hear the spring flowing close by when we got here, so I decided I'd go seek it out and at least clean up before we started our day.

That's when Jacob came to mind. I could almost feel him next to me, and often I would open my eyes just to see if he showed up uninvited. I knew it was torture for the both of us. If this sexual tension was this high for me, then I couldn't imagine how he felt most of the time. I was sure that he knew of my masturbation sessions, and I knew that he wanted to join me in some way.

I could never stop myself from having my thoughts turn to Jacob though. I was desperate for his attention and his touch. It was the only time I didn't procrastinate or debate with my inner conflicts. When I was, horny… for Jacob, nothing else mattered. When I wanted every piece of Jacob, it was then I knew we were meant to be in every way. I had no regrets. I cherished the thought of being all of what Jacob needed.

But there was always that fear.

My conscience were always stepping on my shoulders, arguing with each other rather than giving me the proper advice required. There were never there when all I could think of was Jacob holding onto me as he lifted me and wrapped my legs around him, his hands holding me tightly to his body as he kissed my neck –nipped it- teeth grazing my skin as he told me how beautiful I was to him. It was like a lust monster that was ready to pounce on my imprintee, but the moment I was ready to, my conscience would come back telling me to stop what I was doing.

I just wanted Jacob at the moment.

I wanted to feel his touch as we stood next to each other under the falling water. I wanted to kiss him under the soaking cold crystal sparkles. I wanted his warmth to change the temperatures close to me. I wanted Jacob, but I couldn't. That's where the confusion settled more than I liked.

I like to think, that sometimes, it's more of to please those who surround me. My parents, as much as they bug me about Jacob, they know that I'm still a virgin. I think everyone knows because of who I am. Ty always said I always had that some sort of innocence. I never fully understood that until I noticed the change with him and Aubrey. It didn't take her to tell me that they were sexually active, but after a day of Aubrey acting as the preacher's daughter to madly in love with Tyler the next day –I knew they were formally bonded as others would say.

There was some sort of connection that was missing with Jacob, his pack and my family and me noticed it, and they knew what it was, a neither side would voice it. I was far too fragile according to me parents, and I was far too young according to the tribe's council. But neither of their thoughts mattered to me anymore.

I knew that once Jacob and I were ready, I'd know it. Because then I'd be more prepared, and if that meant tomorrow or two years from now, I'd be okay with it. I'd be okay with all of it. I was done basing my relationship on the thoughts of what everyone else thought and focused it more on me, and Jake.

"Jake?" I turned to see nothing but the mist settling in. I could smell him, and I knew he was close. The fact that I was naked in the middle of nowhere was somewhat unsettling. "Is that you? Just hold on."

"Is everything okay?" His voice could be heard, but I still couldn't see him as I pulled on my shorts.

"It's fine." I replied, he finally appeared through the fog with just his khaki shorts. "I was just bathing."

"Mind if I join you?" It was a question rarely asked, and I think it was a bit foreign for Jacob to ask too, he seemed a bit reluctant after he asked too, which made it a bit uncomfortable too.

"I'm done now." I picked my towel up and began to dry myself, "I'll just head back to the tent while you finish up."

"Seb?" He grabbed my hand, stopping me from moving or thinking, "I know this might be a bit frightening, and you may not be ready for any of this. But I promise, we'll keep our shorts on if you want."

"Umm…" I muttered under my breath.

"I never brought you hear to force you to do anything," he quickly replied, "I just want to get closer to you. There's a part of me that's asking for more, and believe me, I've been fighting it, but if you can just trust me to let you feel a bit of comfort I'd like to give you, than please, stay."

It never crossed my mind that Jacob could be taking me here to be expecting more from me, but to put that comfort in me that it was never his intentions makes me feel even better.

"C'mon, I promise we can keep our clothes on." He gave me one of his big grins. "Well you can."

"Jake…" I groaned.

"What?" He chuckled, "you've seen me naked more than once."

"But not while being intimate." I argued. "I don't know… I just…"

"It's fine," he put his hand up defensively, "I didn't mean to bother you."

"No." I paused, "it's okay Jake. I'm just a bit nervous… I mean… well… if you want."

Rather than saying another word, he pulled me into his arms. My bare chest now pressed against his as my arms wrapped around his back and his around mine. I could feel his breaths hum deeply as he would inhale and exhale. I hadn't noticed until now that the water once again trickled down our faces and onto our bodies. Steam was now permeating off of Jacob's body, just as it seemed to form a fog around us with our body temperatures.

"We could easily hide ourselves from anyone." I chuckled into his chest.

"Are you flirting with me ?" He teased, of course making me blush.

"No," I replied shyly. "I just have a habit of forgetting just how different we are, but how we were made for each other."

"Something I had always cherished." He admitted with a kiss on my forehead. "Moments like this I cherish."

"Jake?" I giggled, "are we dancing?"

We both paused to realize that it's exactly what we were doing. "I guess we are." He chuckled. "Whether there's music or not Seb, you can always count on me to be your dancing partner."

"Me too." I smiled as I leaned into his chest again. His hand clasped in mine between our chests as his head rested on mine, both of us still moving in circles under the falling water.

The rest of the day was filled with more intimate moments than I had expected. Normally we didn't have much time to be with each long enough to enjoy each other's company. With everyone back home constantly on the move, and Jacob constantly on alpha duties, it was hard to get time with him that was consistent for the both of us.

So we enjoyed the rest of the day as we laid in the open tent, reminiscing on the past year and discussing a future that could work for us. Though some of it was a touchy subject with the both of us, we knew that death was now an option for me, and now for Jacob. It was no question or thought when Jacob said he would join me not long after. But to get through the tough conversations, we could finally discuss the options of ever having a family.

First was surrogacy. The option was out for me because I could never think of putting any woman through such a risky situation. I knew that the child would kill her, and I didn't want to be held responsible for anyone's innocent life. No one deserved that.

Then it came to Jacob. I explained to him, that if the time came, I was okay with him fathering a child to continue on his line and maybe start a family for the both of us. But it wasn't what Jacob wanted. To him, it still felt as if he was being unfaithful to me. Whether I agreed with it or not, he wouldn't put me through that knowing that the child would never have a part of me.

So I asked him what he thought about adoption. But it was more of whether we could put a human child through what we face everyday. If that meant we had to hide what we were for the rest of our lives, it wasn't worth it. So our options ran thin. I understood everything that Jacob has thought of.

But he told me that if somehow, a miracle child came into our lives that needed us, he was willing to go with whatever decision I made. But I didn't want it to be entirely up to me. I wanted us both to have equal rights in our relationship.

That was the next topic. As much as he was dominant in our relationship, I practically begged him to understand that I was capable of taking care of myself at times. I didn't always need him to provide for me, especially when it came to me feeding. I knew how exhausted Jacob would be when he'd go hunt for me, and I told him that from then on, I wanted to help him.

He agreed as long as he could stay close to me during our hunts.

By the time the night had settled in, we were ready for bed. After eating a late dinner and packing some our things up before we left the next day, we finally said our goodnights and went to bed.

I actually fell asleep.

I didn't bring it to Jacob's attention because I knew he'd begin to worry if I found something changing about me. But the fact was, we both fell asleep around 10 last night; and me, I slept through the entire night and woke up around the same time as Jacob had around 7 in the morning.

I was shocked to say the least. But it did feel refreshing to know that I was able to catch a full nights sleep. As we continued to pack our things before going home, all I could think about was that maybe there was something wrong with me. Was my body going through another transformation that I hadn't known? Did Nahuel experience the same thing? I knew for sure that once I had returned home, I would need to visit my grandpa Carlisle to find out the situation.

Usually Jake could tell when something was wrong, but thankfully he didn't ask me. It was more of that I was just occupied with the memories over the weekend that I was just too excited over our progress. But whatever happened over the weekend has changed something between us.

Though drifting the conversations were difficult, most of the time we remained silent for the rest of the way home. Often I'd be staring at the sceneries while he still held my hand in his. I think the intimacy was just as thrilling as it was to him as it was for me. It's just something as a couple we never really experienced.

Finally reaching home, it felt as if we were refreshed. As strange as it was, it was as if we could start all over, and from then on, I wouldn't and couldn't be afraid to be in love with Jacob Black. As I stare at Jacob, I could only think of how lucky other may I think I am to be in such a position.

My problem was that I always had a habit of putting my fears and insecurities first, as if they were just that important.

It was good to see Rachel and Paul waiting at the house when we returned. From the glow on Rachel's face, I knew that she was bursting to tell us something. I had the clue to what it could be after finding out about Kim a couple weeks ago.

As we pulled into the driveway, Rachel was already racing down the stairs to run to her brother. Paul followed with his hands in his pockets as he nodded a 'hey,' to me before asking me how the trip was. If it wasn't for Paul's teasing, I was sure I would have missed the excitement playing before us.

"Congratulations sis." Jacob bellowed as he lifted his sister and twirled her. "How long are you?"

"Three weeks." She beamed ear-to-ear, "you're both going to be uncles." She said surprisingly as she hugged me unexpectedly.

"Wow." Was all I could say before congratulating Paul too.

"Kim is just as excited as we are too." Rachel spoke gleefully, "the fact that our due-dates are close has us both ecstatic."

This was something worth celebrating, and before I could say anything, Rachel had already announced that they'd be having a barbeque at their place tonight, and everyone was invited. I was hardly caught up in the conversation after that. I was happy for the couple and happy that Jacob was just as excited.

Was I selfish to never be able to experience this with Jacob?

"I'm sorry sweetie." Rachel hugged me, "I tend to forget about you and my brother."

"Nonsense Rachel." I brushed it off as she followed me into the kitchen, "we're both happy for you and we couldn't be more grateful that at least there will be a child to keep the Black's line going."

"We've already decided on Lahote." She replied.

"I know." I smiled, "but at least they will come from a long line of alphas, it will be the closest we'll have. Embrace it Rach, your brother and I have. We've come to accept it, and we're okay with it."

"I don't mean to meddle hon," She sighed, "but doesn't it bother you the slightest?"

"It did. I'll admit." I replied keeping myself occupied with preparations for a dish for the barbeque. "But this weekend gave us time to discuss this among other subjects that we'll face, and we've come to accept that it will most likely just be us."

"What about surrogacy?"

"No." I replied slightly annoyed. "I'm sorry Rach, but can we go back to you, I'd very much rather celebrate rather than feel the pity from others."

"'Nough said!" She apologized. "Now I'll see you both in a couple hours?"

"We'll be there." I answered.

I guess Rachel was beginning to learn how to read me too. I wouldn't doubt that Paul and Tyler would be able to, too. Maybe I was so predictable. Either way, I just wanted to be left alone at the moment and get through this. But I knew it wouldn't last long once Paul left too and Jacob would be looking for me.

"Are you okay love?" Jake leaned against the doorframe of the kitchen. "I want you to know that I'm hear to talk if you need it."

"It's nothing really." I stood at the counter chopping vegetables for the salad I was preparing. "It's just… I don't know…" I replied a bit frustrated, "I feel so guilty."

"Seb?" He now had his arms wrapped around me, hugging me from behind. "There is nothing to feel guilty about, there are times I feel the same way, and all I can keep telling myself is that you are more than enough. Besides, at the moment, you're too young to be thinking about all of this."

"I don't feel that way Jake." I replied honestly. "Sometimes I forget that I'm fourteen going fifteen, and when news like this comes along, all I can see is a growing pack with an alpha that has a useless imprint to never continue on his line. I just don't like feeling this way and you constantly having to comfort me and remind me that I'm all you need."

"You know what hurts the most about seeing you this way love?" I shook my head; I couldn't hold my composure to look up at him. "I will never be capable of giving you everything you need. As an alpha, as a shape-shifter, as a wolf… as a man, I will never be able to give you everything you need because I know I am not the only one that wants the family we both crave. I'm supposed to be an alpha, and I can't do the one thing I was meant to do because I feel that it was me that put you in this place."

"I never thought of it in that way." I turned to hug him once again. "I'm sorry Jake. I never put myself in your position to see your side. I've been selfish and a bit self-centered I tend to forget that it affects the both of us."

"It's okay love," he gave me a peck on the lips, "just promise me this please?"

"What?"

"That you'll let me stay by you as we get through this." He replied, "I know this wont be the last we hear of our pack growing, but at least we can get through this together knowing that we will always be there for each other."

I nodded and sniffled, "I promise."

After finally settling down and unloading the camping gear from the truck, we both changed into something more comfortable and headed over to the Lahotes. I knew the entire pack would be there, which meant that there would be a lot of people there too, and I knew I needed to feed before I went so I wouldn't lose control the slightest. The problem was, he blood almost tasted bitter to me, as if I was losing taste for it. I didn't bother telling Jake other than finishing it without questioning on what was going on with me.

I was in fact right as soon as we arrived at Paul and Rachel's; everyone was there, including some of the council. Welcoming a child into the pack was a big deal, and I knew it was even a bigger deal if it were to be Jacob. But I promised not to let it bother me as I found my way through the crowd to the food. Of course I'd be associated with the other imprints, and that meant I would be helping more than enjoying the occasion, which I didn't mind. As long as everyone was occupied from asking me how I felt, I was okay with a lot of it.

It had only been Tyler and Aubrey that really showed their concern after me telling them that I would be find and it wasn't a big deal. It was only understandable that the entire pack knew about our faults, and just like a family had, they always showed their concern. I still found it difficult to be treated as equals to Jacob at times. Just because I helped with food preparations, didn't mean I was allowed to fill my dish. Jacob still insisted, and since the celebration was for Paul and Rachel, that meant we were second in line to eat.

As I sat in my spot given to me, I found it strange to believe that the food seemed a bit more appetizing than the blood I had earlier. The smell of grilled steaks was enough to make my mouth water, in fact all of the food had. I couldn't fully understand why, but once Jacob arrived with our food, for the first time, I had finished my meal before him. Though he didn't fill me up with the same amount as his, it was unusual for me to finish before anyone.

I found myself asking for seconds.

"Are you okay love?" Jacob asked me as he handed me a second dish, "I haven't seen you eat this much before."

I shrugged. "I feel fine," I admitted, "it's just that the food smells so good that I find it more appetizing at the moment."

"It's not anything we should worry about?" He asked concerned.

"No." I smiled, "I'll be fine."

Of course the last to arrive would be Seth. Lately I haven't been seeing him much as I heard he was still looking into relocating to Seattle for a change. It felt as if I hadn't seen the guy in over a month or so, him and Leah have been doing their own thing, I was beginning to think that maybe they forgot about us.

"Sebastian." He grinned widely as he sat next to me. "Where have you been hiding, or has Jake been keeping you from us?" He teased.

"Hardly." I laughed with him, "just been minding my own business lately. Thinking a lot."

"That makes the both of us." He replied with another smile. "Been looking into colleges in Seattle. Scouting out the best and making the decision of what I actually want to take."

"You don't know yet?" I smirked.

"Not yet." He shrugged. "I've always been the type to go with the flow, yet nothing seems to gain my interest other than culinary arts. I man for food, and if I get to cook for a living, I'm fine with that."

"Will you take over the diner after you're done all that?"

"Maybe." He shrugged, "I don't know really. It depends if I'm grounded there."

"Grounded?" I gave him a questionable expression.

"I'm not going to quit phasing Seb." He replied, "I'm still kind of in search for my imprint."

"Let them come to you." I replied.

"I am." He admitted, "but sometimes you have to be the chaser. Besides, ever since Jacob and you have been together, I have no reason to stick around to make sure that Jake's okay, you can do that from now on."

"But you still have the friendship?"

"We will always have our friendship no matter what." He said, "I just want to check it out, out there before I have to end up staying in La Push for the rest of my life."

"Well…" I smiled, "then we should still be waiting here for you."

"It's not like I decided yet." He defended, "I still enjoy the pack life and being around everyone here, it's just an idea that I have been pondering over."

"Can I ask you something Seth?"

"Shoot kid."

"Why is finding your imprint important to you?" He looked at me questionably. "I mean, wouldn't you rather have the options?"

"Like I said, and I'm not sure if it was you I told, but…" he paused. "And imprint has promises that can never be broken, on both halves. I'm a romanticist Seb, I'd love to have someone I can love without worrying about promises being broken. Without worrying about having to find that someone to spend the rest of my life with when there is already someone out there for me."

"I guess it makes sense." I shrugged.

"Take you and Jake for an example." He continued. "I know that you most likely still question why you were put together, but I know that it's for several reasons." I cocked a brow in question, "for instance, you both are polar opposites that attract to each other like magnets. Then there is the fact that you both will eventually find a way around the obstacles you face." He looked over at Jacob who happened to be talking with Paul and Jared, and then looked at me, "starting a family would be one of them. But you need to know that there are ways you can have that. How you may ask? I'm not sure, but I know the spirits work themselves in mysterious ways."

"I was kind of hoping for a solution that we may have not come up with." I muttered.

"It could be something more than that too." Seth continued, "There could be another reason that you were bonded together. Sometimes families are nurtured by those who can give the knowledge and love they need. Your happily ever after could be something entirely different."

"Seth!" We both looked up to see Jake standing before us with concern on his face, "can you bring Sebastian back home, something has come up with the council that needs to be discussed. I'll update you after I return."

"What is it Jake?" I asked concerned.

"I'm not sure love," he grabbed my hand, "but I promise to give you details once I get back."

"Is it bad?" Seth asked.

"I don't know." He replied abrasively, "now please go home, I'll be there as soon as I can."

"C'mon Seb." Seth ordered as I followed. The others seem to be less concerned but still began to close everything down and head home.

"Why does it feel as if something bad is about to happen?" I asked Seth as I walked to the passenger's side of his jeep.

"Because you're probably right." He replied, "though I'm not sure, I tend to follow alpha's orders."

Not much was said between the two of us. I was worried, but I couldn't console in Seth because he just seemed as worried as I was. He stared blankly at the TV as I watched him with concern. But once again, I didn't feel like myself. My eyelids were getting heavy and I was growing tired quickly.

Before Seth could ask me if I was okay, I was out like a light.

A/N: Shoutouts go to lytebrytehybrid88, BurnedSpy, ShikamaruNaraKibaNaruChunin, GoodbyeGreySkies, hopelessromantic5, wolfhappiness, Shalette and FreeSpirit15. Also thanks to those who favored and alerted.

Much Love,

TurnItUp03