I have been freed (of everything)

Next morning Tony gets pretty distracted from the thoughts that kept him up most of the night because it's an anniversary he completely forgot about. Happy didn't, so he went outside to get a stack of newspapers, ranging from trashy to serious, and put them on the table next to Tony's breakfast.

'I wonder what they're writing about Stark today, boss,' he says, ignoring Tony's strange apathy. Tony is thankful for that. 'It's exactly a year since you were declared missing.'

'Oh boy,' Tony sighs, burying his face in his hands and groaning.

'I'm sure we'll just love today's news,' Happy adds cheerfully and Tony can't help but smile a bit.

'I don't even want to know,' Tony sighs and focuses on his food; JARVIS was nice enough to change the news channel to a weather one and some pretty lady is reciting high temperatures for the whole state with a practiced ease to her soft voice.

'They say you moved to a tropical island with a harem of girls and endless rum supply to indulge your drinking habit,' Happy informs him a few minutes later in a fake serious voice. 'Not that it's a new one.'

'JARVIS, do I even own a tropical island – well, does Stark?' Tony asks, looking up at the ceiling. He really isn't sure.

'You used to own three islands on the Pacific between 1996 and 2002, sir, when you declared there was too much sun and sold them to a Chinese billionaire.'

'I vaguely remember that,' Tony admits, feeling like laughing at himself. Well. He was a pretty irresponsible back then. It feels as if it happened in a different age at least. Different epoch.

'I liked those palm trees,' Happy whines with a note of nostalgia in his voice.

'We have palm trees in Malibu –'

'I have a palm tree in my room. In a gigantic pot,' Happy says. Tony gapes. 'What? I thought I could decorate my room the way I wanted. But I've got to admit I'm pretty surprised you didn't peek inside recently.'

'I have JARVIS for that if I wanted,' Tony points out and then pushes his empty plate away. 'Does that mean we can drag your palm tree out of you room, put it in the middle of the living room and have colorful cocktails?'

'When you're back from radiation, I guess that sounds good – we'll just need to swing by some shop to get supplies, but yeah, boss.'

'Let's do that,' Tony declares, standing up to go to his room and get ready for his visit at the clinic.

It doesn't take long for them to come back home with bags full of fancy syrups, juices and a range of coconut snacks to match the theme; the transformation of the living room is ready in less than half an hour and then they lay down on a thick stack of blankets and cushions, JARVIS keeping the temperature higher than usual to that they can wear just shorts and t-shirts, and playing a soft murmur of the ocean in the background, and they talk and then watch movies and Tony doesn't even notice when he falls asleep.

When Tony wakes up he is still on the floor, covered with a thick duvet, and all the lights are turned off. Including the sun. The sound of the waves is still lingering around, mixed with a soft noises coming from the kitchen. And two voices, barely audible.

Tony sits up slowly, grabs one of the blankets and wraps it around his shoulder – the room seems to be pretty cool when he slides out from under the covers – and waits a moment to make sure there won't be any sudden-change-of-position dizzy spell. Then he makes his way across the dark room and smiles as soon as he sees into the half-open kitchen.

'I didn't hear you coming, platypus,' he greets Rhodey who is stirring something in a pan with a wooden spoon while Happy is chopping vegetables. Ceramic knife, wooden cutting board, to minimize the noise. That's so sweet of them.

'Happy mentioned you just fell asleep halfway through a discussion of the original Stark Trek cast. Must have been pretty tired to do that,' Rhodey adds with a slight undertone of worry that no one else lets themselves show.

'Yeah, I guess,' Tony agrees and sits in one of the tall chairs by the island. 'Didn't know you were coming.'

'I didn't know I was either,' Rhodey chuckles, turning his eyes back to the thing he's cooking. 'Turned out I had a free afternoon so I run some errands and decided to swing by – talked with Happy while you were asleep. We're having curry chicken. With coconut milk. I hear that's a theme today.'

'Like coconut milk,' Tony murmurs, setting his elbows on the table and propping his head on his hands.

'No sleeping at the table,' Rhodey scold him, rolling his eyes, and Happy nods vigorously. 'Wait for that until after you've eaten, I can't let you run around on nothing but breakfast and couple of glasses of colorful juices.'

'Had all of my 5-a-days,' Tony protests weakly, knowing that he does need the food – and to be honest he is a bit hungry. That's new. 'But okay. 'Cause of the coconut milk.'

'Smart move,' Rhodey comments, taking off his pot from the stove, making Tony feel like he'd regret any different answer.

After the dinner Happy retreats to his room and leaves Tony and Rhodey resting on the sofa, staring at the admittedly impressive palm tree. Tony's eyes are closing involuntarily after a few moments of silence – he really must be more exhausted after the weekend and radiation than he thought – but Rhodey speaks up before he can fall asleep.

'You had team training yesterday. JARVIS told me.'

'Ugh,' Tony grunts, knowing exactly where this is going and as much as he understands Rhodey's concern and curiosity, he doesn't know how to approach the whole Steve situation. 'I run away,' he says finally and Rhodey tilts his head.

'Before or after you two talked?'

That bastard. He knows Tony too well to be fooled.

'After,' Tony admits. 'There were some hints – I was almost sure he guessed about Iron Man and Nate, you know, congratulations to him 'cause he's the first one to do it all by himself, and he confirmed that and now he knows that piece of the puzzle and he told me he'd be okay with being with Nate. You know. Easier. Physically.'

'And you got scared and run away –'

'I guess I did, but what was I supposed to do?' Tony asks, the question honestly lacking fierceness. It's more like a plea. 'I told him we couldn't do that because there's still too much he doesn't know and that he'll end up hurt. He said he doesn't care and he sounded genuine because he is Captain America and if anyone could say something like that genuinely, it's him. He kept insisting –'

'– and you fled even though you wanted to say yes.'

'Just how much did JARVIS tell you?' Tony half-questions, half-sighs. 'I – I'm not sure, all right? I don't know what he really wants. He doesn't know what he really wants. Also, me and you, we've been through this.'

'Tony, I know this is difficult for you –'

'– not that it really matters –'

'– but I wish you were selfish about this.'

'Selfish?' Tony repeats, staring at Rhodey unsurely.

'You know what selfish means here?'

Tony pauses for a long moment.

'I guess I don't,' he admits. Rhodey shakes his head with this tiny smile he always does when he acts like Tony's big brother.

'It means not feeling guilty whatever decision you make.'

'… I guess I can try,' Tony promises, his voice soft, closing his eyes. 'Sleep?'

'Yeah,' Rhodey agrees and makes sure Tony is in bed before leaving.

The next morning, after radiation, Nate makes his way to S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ to meet up with his team for the first time in 2013. He suffers through the what we accomplished and the plans talks with a straight face and then gives a concise report on his part of the job, gaining approving nods from his colleagues and then listens to their reports half-heartedly.

As soon as the meeting is done, he wants to go to Fury to give him a status update on the still-unnamed-baby when he hears his – Tony Stark's, alright – name and he stops, deciding that he'd like to hear what S.H.I.E.L.D. whispers about the case.

Coulson did mention some conspiracy theories when he met Iron Man, but Tony never bothered to dig and see what exactly that was about.

He must be fate's favorite because there is a full-blown discussion about Stark going on, obviously prompted by yesterday's anniversary. Before he manages to get a hang of what exactly they are talking about, someone notices him looming in the corridor.

'Hey, Rives, c'mere, we were just talking about something… You weren't here last year after Stark's disappearance? Right?'

'Came in a few months later,' Tony confirms.

'There was this guy, he's from other base, you wouldn't know him – he had this working theory that Stark never stopped making weapons, just moved places and had been working undercover ever since –'

'And someone believed him?' Tony asks, scoffing soundlessly; he'd never expect something that bold and silly –

'Well, it's not like there are no pointers,' another man speaks up in a deep voice. Tony has never met him before so he glances at the tag: Agent Grant, level 5, R&D.

'As in?'

'Well, I'm in the weapons section of R&D. We design stuff fitted for whatever out field agents have to deal with, some crazy stuff, and we started coming across some very nifty arms maybe two, three months after Stark disappeared. Supposedly coming from Africa, but as much as we've tried, we haven't been able to trace the source.'

'That sounds serious,' Tony types distractedly, thought already racing. Stark Industries' weapons have been the best of the best for a few decades, so it's quite understandable why someone would assume Stark could be involved.

Only that Tony isn't and it's the first time he's hearing about the whole situation and that means he's gonna have a few sleepless nights with JARVIS.

'It is –'

'Have you ever met Stark in person?' someone asks from the back of the crowd and Tony shakes his head for no. 'Pity, maybe you could've helped us with one thing –''

'That is?'

'We were trying to solve a bet 'bout how long would it take Stark to reverse engineer Chitauri tech and then build something on his own, since our R&D alien team can't do anything more than make it work.'

'A day. From what I know about him,' Nate types, snickering. Tony could do that in less than a day, if he wanted, but wanting is the keyword.

Iron Man helped with reverse engineering but he claims to be unable to help them further and the others' tries at copying the weapons design have been unsuccessful. Tony is very glad: he doesn't want to make weapons. But if Stark wanted, it would be pretty quick.

'Wish we could take your word for it, I'd win a good few hundred bucks –'

'Is it normal that you make bets about everything? Even something you can't resolve?'

'When you're on the base for a few weeks, everything is a good idea,' someone laughs and the others agree enthusiastically. 'Though sometimes we find some way to get a relatively definite answer –'

'You should ask Director Fury. Since he knows everything,' Tony types and then waves at them and makes his way through the group, heading for the director's office.

JARVIS will tell him later if the men had balls to actually come and ask Fury.

'You wanted to see me,' Nate shows the tablet to Fury as soon as enters the room, the words already waiting.

'I just wanted to ask how is your job going, Rives. Do you have a date for me?'

'Ready in 3 weeks.'

'I will make sure to be around New York in three weeks then. How was the meeting?'

'Technical,' Tony types and Fury scoffs when he sees the word.

'I hope your team will get the shit together and give me something soon, I'm sick of waiting ages to kindly hear from other agencies who think they have some power over us since they have information.'

'Good that they don't know you use unofficial channels if you have to,' Nate types and then smirks a little when Fury glares at him with a mixture of anger and curiosity.

'You sure know your way around here, Rives.'

'You know I'm the best,' Tony types and then stands up, raising one eyebrow questioningly.

'Yeah, I do. Well, that's all, now get the hell out of here and be prepared for a talk when you come here next time. There are a few matters we need to discuss.'

Tony nods curtly and leaves the room quickly, exhaling tiredly as soon as the door closes behind him. Fury doesn't appear to be exactly aware of how much Nate knows and that's perfect; a little blackmail material never hurt anyone.

Tony spends the rest of the week waking up too early and arriving at the clinic too early – when the city is still bathed in artificial light reflected in white blankets of snow covering everything – and then working too long and sleeping a lot.

He and JARVIS had a little talk about that weapons the agents mentioned and JARVIS is looking for anything that S.H.I.E.L.D. might have missed, but it seems that whoever is behind this is extremely cautious and nothing of importance turns up so far, to Tony's disappointment.

There is, as always these days, too much to do, but Tony is determined to take his time and not hurry.

'I want work to be pleasure as much as it is a duty,' he tells JARVIS when they're both working on miniaturizing the brainwave-reading system for communication – the same Nate supposedly uses in Iron Man armor – in a way that would make it cheaper and easier to manufacture without losing too much precision. It's proving to be a tough challenge, but Tony is pretty sure he can do it in a few weeks.

'You do not have to force yourself to do anything you do not want to,' JARVIS states simply, showing Tony 87% completeness of the newest simulation. 'It is a pleasure to see you working, sir.'

'I'll miss it,' Tony says and just after the words have escaped his mouth he realizes what he's just said. They… haven't exactly been talking about what has to happen in a few months. Several months. When he will be – unable to work. Not with JARVIS, now with his doctors. He's still running away from it, in a way. 'But,' he sighs, 'When we're on that: how's our inventory?'

'I ordered a list of Howard Stark's personal items that are in a storage in one of Los Angeles Stark International facilities, as you asked. The items are being catalogued as we speak, sir. The list should be ready at the beginning of the next week.'

'Perfect,' Tony murmurs, taking a sip of his coffee, and stares at the screen that show complete and a second later the simulation shows up on the holographic display so Tony makes his way to have a look.

Rhodey comes over on Sunday. Happy is out of town so it's the two of them tinkering in the 'shop and eating pizza, having mostly quiet time, until Rhodey breaks the silence.

'You've been avoiding Steve.'

'Rhodey, don't be ridiculous, it's been just a week since I talked to him –' Tony starts to protest, but Rhodey doesn't really let him talk.

'You told me you'd think about it and it doesn't seem to me like you did. I know, you're gonna give me the it's complicated crap, but admit it, you didn't even let yourself think about that. And all that when you basically admitted you want to say yes – that you fucking care for him.'

'I'm sick of talking about this,' Tony states, standing up abruptly and ignoring the slight dizziness in his head. 'Alright? I don't fucking want this story to sneak into every damn moment of my life, I just wanted to hang out with you and you're making this – some kind of a teary confession thing –'

'That's so not what's going on here –'

'– and it doesn't matter what I would have done –'

'– we talked about being selfish –'

'– because it can't. Fucking. Happen. Now. I'd have to tell him everything –'

'Did you really think you'll keep you secrets away from everyone forever?' Rhodey asks but Tony promptly ignores him; yes, he thought – or more like hoped he would.

'– and I can't –'

'You know what, Tony?' Rhodey interrupts him firmly, putting his hands on Tony's shoulders. 'You know what? I'm gonna say this once because I think it's inappropriate and I don't want to ever tell you this again. Sometimes I think I preferred you before – all this.'

Tony freezes, feeling as if he was just slapped in the face, but Rhodey ignores that and keeps talking.

'You know why? 'Cause back then you took everything you wanted. Before Afghanistan, you could be the biggest douche in the town and it was fine because you were charming and everyone loved you and you were fucking happy. Okay? And now, you've got this superhero thing going on and as sweet as it is, as important as it might seem to you, I hate, I just hate when you say you can't do this or that, when you refuse something that'd make you happy because of someone else. I preferred the selfish you. 'Cause you were happier. Now, you do all these good-for-the-world things but you're not gonna fool me, sorry, that might've worked before I got to know you. With everything you have going on here, you're just deciding on missing the most important shit. And I don't care if I sound like a teenage girl to you or something, that damn man might be one of the best things that have ever happened to you.'

Tony listens to the words, barely registering them and knowing deep inside that Rhodey is right – Tony might have more doctorates and higher IQ, but Rhodey has always knows things Tony could never comprehend – and it hurts.

He never expected playing two strangers to be easy, but he never thought it'd be this tiring.

'Why didn't I catch on earlier?' he asks in the end, keeping his voice quiet, and Rhodey finally lets go of his shoulders.

'You have no reference point,' Rhodey says and Tony blinks at the simplicity of that answer.

'I would have put a stop to it –'

'Then I'm glad you didn't catch on,' Rhodey cuts in firmly. 'You wouldn't have the friend you have now,' he explains and Tony nods. Rhodey's right. So very right. Neither Tony nor Steve would have a friend they desperately need.

'So, you say I should just tell him everything? Everything?'

'If you don't want to screw with him, it'd be nice to be honest. 'Cause it doesn't seem fair if it's just one of you making the decision, whatever that would be. And I'm saying this knowing exactly what is the history between you two.'

'You're so savvy about all of this,' Tony teases, but it's a bit blanks because he doesn't have much energy left to argue. Or to prove anything to anyone.

'Well, I spend my life having relationships with people, not one night stands with supermodels. Guy learns something.'

'It's impossible. But I guess you're right,' Tony admits, rubbing his face slowly. 'I need time. I need – I probably should talk to Steve and see how he's doing.'

'You do that,' Rhodey orders him, standing up and stretching his back. 'I need to let my hands and eyes rest from all this techs stuff before tomorrow. See ya soon, all right?'

Tony nods, still in the same place.

'And eat that food, you're too skinny, genius,' Rhodey adds and disappears into the apartment, leaving Tony alone with his too many thoughts.

It turns out he doesn't even need to go and see Steve because Steve take the first step, which means he calls Tony at night and when Tony wakes up, there is a message JARVIS recorded for him, but it takes Tony a few long hours to actually listen to it because he's too much of a coward – and because JARVIS has some important news.

'I have the inventory list, sir. There are a few hundred items, most of them insignificant, but I let myself highlight the ones that seem out of the general theme.'

There are a few notebooks and schematics that JARVIS picked out, as well as two rolls of film with Tony's name scrawled across them.

'Have them shipped to New York –'

'Already did, sir. Should be here in two days.'

'You're an angel,' Tony murmurs. 'Something else?'

'As a matter of fact, yes. I was able to trace the weapons' money trail beyond what S.H.I.E.L.D. managed to do, but it ends after a cash withdrawal from a bank in Côte d'Ivoire.'

'And that matters because?'

'The withdrawal was made just a week ago, sir.'

'Fuck,' Tony swears, putting the coffee mug he's been holding onto the table with a thud. 'Find everything you can, footage, papers, police, anything. Whoever it is, they are dangerous.'

'On it, sir,' JARVIS declares and Tony lets himself slump in his chair before he'll have another look at those arms; weapons are almost like programmer's code: if you know them well enough, you should be able to recognize the creator by little details. So far Tony hasn't managed to do that, but it suddenly got top priority, especially for Iron Man. He's been destroying Stark Industries weapons so far, but some change wouldn't hurt.

It's half past midnight when Tony finally decides to stop staring at the screens and tapping his fingers nervously, wishing JARVIS could do his job more quickly, but that's just impossible.

There have been a few dozen deaths related to the arms S.H.I.E.L.D. managed to collect so far and presumably a lot more no one knows about – but after midnight even Tony is too tired to keep looking.

'Sir, there is a message from Captain Rogers waiting for you,' JARVIS reminds him softly when Tony is making his way to the kitchen to grab something do drink before he tries to fall asleep. Tony gestures at JARVIS to wait and then tells him to play the message as soon as he's in the bedroom.

Nate, Steve's tight voice fills the room, Tony can imagine perfectly the guarded face Steve must have had when he was talking. I am sorry for getting angry at you like I did. It was uncalled for – but I have to admit that I was disappointed. Not with you, but with the circumstances, for making you back away even when I can tell you want something. You don't need to disappear because you're scared you will hurt me.

There is a moment of pause and some cracking before Steve resumes talking.

Remember, I've seen you running and Bruce told me about the bruises he noticed the other time, he was worried about Nate, and no one else but me connected the dots. I am not sure what it all means, really, it's just that I have all the available information – I wanted to tell you that if you are hurt or in pain somehow, you can't tell me to go away. It's only more of a reason for me to be around, whether you want me or not.

A pause. That's all so Steve.

I don't know if you have someone in your life, you didn't mention anyone so far, but I want you to know that if you need help, I will be there because even if we can't be what I'd like us to be, I won't give our friendship up. And I want you to know that I will always be there when you need me, as someone… more. Or as a friend. Your call. Let – please just let me know you're all right. And I miss pizza. We could both have pizza now, right? That would be swell. So. I'll be waiting.

There's a click and the message ends, making the room fill with heavy silence again, and Tony stays unmoving for a few long moments before he starts laughing because really, Steve is impossible. He's just – unbelievable.

And, Tony has to admit, having some pizza together sounds pretty cool.

A/N: Thank you for reading and commenting! I love hearing your opinions. This part of the story was tough to write, I really don't do well at human relationships, so I hope it's believable and that you enjoyed the interactions. Let me know what you think about Steve's move and Tony's thoughts, I'd be very happy to know what you think! :)