Chapter X
Just as suddenly as the year of 1923 started, it was about to end. The cold month of December came to every country around the world and everyone, more or less gladly, welcomed it.
Di welcomed it half-gladly and half-nervously. She was very excited for Christmas, for spending another three weeks of pure preparation with her whole family, decorating the house, the Christmas Tree, and singing Christmas carols quietly so that no one could hear her or outloud while dancing with her Father or her brothers at the same time. But she was nervous as the day when she was supposed to tell Robert about her decision whether or not she shall marry him, was coming closer and closer.
She was in just as much of a dilemma as she was on the day when Robert asked her to marry him. She talked to most of her family members about it, more with some and less with some others of course, and she thought more secure somehow, that whatever decision she shall make she would always have her family standing next to her.
Robert wasn't bringing up the subject, and Di was glad and not entirely glad about it at the same time. She thought that he would make her very nervous if he did speak about it but then when he didn't she could feel the question's presence in the air that was always around Robert, in the gentle squeeze that he was giving her when he held her hand and in every look he was giving her whenever their eyes met. But Di was strong, and strong she would remain. She was determined to forget all about this question and the decision until after Christmas and so she was doing her best to keep this promise to herself.
And just as suddenly, the Christmas Day came and with it the family dinner which Di was longing for for more than a month's time. It felt so strange, to see all of her siblings and brothers and sisters-in-law not changed one single bit but with their children a year older, looking as if they must have gained at least two more years.
Merry was, like always, running after Gilly and vice versa, Walt was playing with his toys with Blythe and Jake and little Julia and Rose sat together and giggled all the way through the dinner as if they were telling each other the funniest of jokes. Cilia was in her grandfather's arms, in John Meredith's arms, as she was his favourite grandchild, who had his first wife's, Cecilia's, eyes. Eventually, wee Leslie was happily sleeping in her father's arms, closing her eyes in the same way like her mother did when she was just a wee little baby herself.
And there she was, Di thought to herself, simple and old Auntie Di, sitting and chatting, looking and playing with the children once in a while, sometimes needing to remind herself that none of those children were her own. Yes, she did want to be a mother, and yes, she did want to be a wife. Di almost decided on that Christmas Day that she would marry Robert Keats in the end and go with him to Ottawa, but still, there was something in her mind that just told her not to decide, not just yet.
"I can't believe that next month is going to be 1924!" Rilla exclaimed as she sat down beside Di with Blythe in her arms, whose head was going to the front and back, as he was slowly drifting away to the land of dreams "It seems that the war has just ended, and it did end: five years ago!" she shook her head in disbelief.
Di chuckled "These were long five years for me." she confessed "And I don't think that they went quickly at all. So much had happened, so much had changed and expanded. It seems for me that the war never really happened, or if it did, that it happened at least ten years ago."
Rilla smiled at her sister "You are right, so much things changed in just five years time." she agreed and kissed Blythe's sleepy head "I became Mrs Kenneth Ford, then a mother to two beautiful boys and eventually to a beautiful baby girl." she sighed contentedly "I wonder how much more our lives will change?"
"I sometimes wish that I won't have to know." Di murmured absent-mindedly and then, when she saw Rilla looking at her worriedly, she grinned at her radiantly and stood up from her chair "Anyone cares for a walk? I am in need of some fresh air." she said to her family.
Carl waved at her with his cheeky smile crossing his face "Sure thing, Di." he said and stood up from his chair and went to put on his coat.
"Anyone else wants to join us?" Di asked again but everyobody just grinned and started chuckling again, making Di to smile at them all lovingly.
"Just don't catch any cold, you two!" Susan sniffed while stroking Julia's red curls tenderly. Anne put her hand on her mouth and Di knew that she was about to giggle like a little girl if she hadn't done that. Julia somehow knew what her grandmother was about to do and started giggling herself, making the room laughy and sweet again.
Di and Carl started walking down the Rainbow Valley and Di could almost hear the laughter, singing and music coming from each corner of that snowy land of the known and the unknown. She smiled and closed her eyes as she put her arm in Carl's own arm. "Carl, do you sometimes hear the music and laughter when you walk down the Rainbow Valley?" she asked him dreamily.
Carl looked down at her and grinned "Thank God!" he exclaimed "I'm not so crazy then!" and he made Di to laugh again.
"But seriously, do you?" she opened her eyes and looked in his dark-blue ones.
"Yes, I do, very often." he admitted "And sometimes, I like to imagine that all of the sounds I hear are from not just the past or present but also from the future."
"Hmm." Di smiled at him "I like this idea. I've never thought of that before but I like it." she said and squeezed his arm knowingly "Just imagine all of those children, Merry, Walt, Julia, Rose, Cilia, Leslie, Blythe and Gil running and dancing around those trees as young adults." she said excitedly.
"I can see them all very plainly tonight." Carl agreed "The funny and crazy Merry, just like his father Jem; his twin Walt somewhat different but not so very different, dancing with some pretty girl his age; Julia beautiful and happy singing and dancing with at least five different boys," that's where they both laughed "-Rose being just like a real rose and just as romantic as a single rose can be; Cilia being a perfect image of Una, sitting and reading under the White Lady; Blythe sitting next to Cilia, observing everyone with a dreamy look on his face…"
"Did you notice how much Blythe looks like Walter?" Di interrupted him suddenly "His black curls, his grey eyes, the eyes of a poet." she whispered and shivered, as if she felt that her own brother Walter was listening to their conversation "I wonder if he will be just a little bit like Walter was."
Carl squeezed her hand a bit harder, he knew what she was thinking about "I think he might be." he said "I hope so actually. Another poet in the family would be a real blessing." he smiled at Di who smiled back at him "But let me finish," he harrumphed theatrically "-and after Blythe there would be Gil, tapping and winking at every girl he sees. I am pretty sure that Gil will be like that, he gets his character from Ken." he smirked and Di hit him in the arm, causing him to laugh.
"Carl, we don't know that for sure yet." she said to him laughingly "But I can't wait to find out."
"How are you feeling Di?" Carl asked her all of a sudden "In general, I mean?"
"Good, I suppose." she replied honestly "Today is a good day. And I'm grateful for that walk, Carl. You have something in you that makes me feel that everything is right in the world." she said.
"It's not me, Di." he nudged her at the side "It's just how it is. And it must be, even with some bumps along the way."
Di looked in Carl's eyes and before she could even think of something to say, a loud voice of Susan Baker sounded up in the air "Diana and Carl! Come back inside now or you will catch pneumonia or miss my mince pies!"
Di and Carl chuckled together "Or we will miss both." Carl whispered to Di and the two of them started running together to the door while laughing like little kids "Di…" Carl said sheepishly, his cheeks turning suddenly red.
"What is it?" she asked when Carl stopped her from coming inside just yet, they were both standing right in front of the entrance to the house.
Carl pointed at the mistletoe which was hanging on the top of the door with a red bow tied around it. Di's own cheeks turned bright red and she tried to cover them by laughing instantly "Who put it up there, I wonder?" she asked.
"I'm sure it was either Ken or Jem, playing tricks on their wives." Carl said and Di chuckled.
"Do you think that we should…" she started quietly.
Carl's lips formed into a graceful grin although he tried his best to hide it "Well, tradition is a tradition, isn't it?" he replied impishly and took Di's hands in his own before he bent down, not slowly at all, and kissed her straight on the lips.
Di's heart went up to her throat as she realised what was actually happening. Sure, of course, it was just a tradition to kiss under the mistletoe, but this wasn't… a traditional kiss. It was gentle, tender yes, but this kiss spoke to her as if it was a whole book. Without knowing or realising it, Di's hands went up to Carl's face, and his hands went down to her waist.
Carl, without a need to say it, was beyond delight. It was his first kiss, and he was overjoyed that it was a kiss from no one else but the Di Blythe whom he loved most of this world. Even though he knew that it wasn't a kiss she would lay on Robert's lips, it was more friendly, he stoped thinking so after some time and thought that maybe something changed in Di, that something was telling her that he was the one for her after all. But as soon as he thought that Di pulled away, breathing heavily and laughing nervously while patting his cheeks with her hands "Do… you…" she started, her mind completely blank "-do you think… that we should go inside?" she asked eventually.
Carl's face looked quite disappointed then, but he grinned at Di nonetheless "I suppose so. They might actually think that we were kissing under the mistletoe." he said. Di chuckled quietly and opened the door. She put her hand on her chest, and only then she realised that her heart was beating faster when she actually thought that it didn't beat at all.
It was a chilly afternoon of the second day of the year 1924, and Anne Blythe was sitting in the living room in her comfortable old chair near the fireplace with a blanket on her shoulders and a book in her hands.
Susan was out visiting Miss Cornelia, and Anne decided on staying at home as she felt "weak in her bones" for the past few days and her own husband, before he went to work, advised her to stay at home. But even if Anne felt perfectly right on the body, she knew, she felt that she should stay anyway because something was keeping her at home, some unearthly power about which she was supposed to learn in a matter of seconds.
The front door opened with a loud "Bang!" and closed with the loud "Bang!", fast movements could be heard even in the attic of the old Ingleside, and the soft sound of sobbing and a sound of heavy breathing was penetrating the walls so dangerously that something in Anne's throat started to hurt. "Di?" she managed to say as she put her book on the side.
Of course she didn't get an answer, instead she heard Di running up the stairs to her room. Anne sighed worriedly, she knew what must have happened. She stood up from her chair and made her way upstairs, to the sound of weeping.
Di was curled up on her bed, her face red from both emotions and crying and her hands shaking nervously. Anne sat down next to her without saying her name at all, and she put her hand on Di's head and stroked her red hair gently, as if she was brushing it with her own hands. Di gave out a quiet cry again and suddenly turned to her Mother and put her arms around her. "Oh, Mother!" she cried in her shoulder "I broke his heart but I also broke my own!"
Anne kissed Di's hair tenderly "Then why did you refuse him, darling?" she asked her softly.
"Because…" she started "-because I'm not ready to marry and to leave you all and… I'm just not ready." she pulled away and wiped her tears away in order to look in her Mother's eyes.
Anne smiled kindly at her daughter "My darling girl," she said "-do you feel that that's the right thing to do? Tell me what do you feel in your heart and I'll help you, sweetheart." she said warmly, Anne was overjoyed that she could be a mother to her twenty-eight year old daughter again, even though she felt terribly sorry for her at the same time, to see her so unhappy wasn't something that made her feel quite content in her heart.
Di looked at Anne for a moment and calmed herself down "I feel that it was a necessary thing to do." she announced "I love Robert and I know that he loves me but I just couldn't accept his proposal." she put a strand of her hair behind her ear "I told him that I couldn't marry him because of how rushed it all is and that I still want to be his sweetheart after all, but Robert got so upset, Mother, I thought that he would cry and I'm almost sure that his eyes were teary. But…" her own eyes truned wet again "But Robert said that if my answer to his question is 'no', he needs some time and that he can't…" she gulped "-he can't promise me that he will write to me soon or... ever." she hid her face in her hands again.
Anne put her protective arms around her daughter and rocked her back and forth like she did many years before "Di, darling, everything happens for a reason." she told her wisely "Even all of those heartbreaking events that happened, or will happen, happen for some reason." her eyes could almost see a tall black-haired dreamy man standing next to her and she smiled at the memory which wasn't so painful anymore "Maybe you and Robert simply weren't meant to be."
Di looked in her Mother's eyes again, her own looking less teary than a few moments ago "What if… I made a wrong decision? What will happen then?" she asked her while her upper lip started trembling.
Anne put her hand on Di's cheek and grinned at her softly "You couldn't make a wrong decision, Di." she told her "It is all God's plan and you will learn more about his plans for you in your own time. Robert was a bit harsh on you, I must say. But then of course he's upset, just like you are. But this wound will heal, slowly but it will, darling you must trust me on that. You remember Roy Gardner, the boy I was about to get engaged to when I was in Redmond? Right, you know what I learnt when you were just a little girl, so many years ago? That Roy married just two years after I rejected him and moved to the States." she chuckled a bit "Roy got over me quite quickly, although he almost swore that he wouldn't. But then, I'm not saying that you and Robert won't be together in the end. Who am I to judge? But darling," she kissed Di's red nose, making her to smile a bit "-just let the time show, and carry on with your life and be open to all the happiness around you."
Di nodded and smilled weakly at Anne "I promise that I will, Mummy." she whispered and put her head against her mother's chest "I won't disappoint you by shutting myself to the whole world around me."
Anne smiled to herself "You would never disappoint me, Di darling." she whispered back.