Footpaths (part 8)

On Monday Tony is back at the clinic for radiation so the week continues in a monotone familiar way of clinic – home – workshop. He's not feeling too well but it's not terrible so he balances his time between resting and light work.

A few days later it's finally the first day of spring and it even feels like spring, with warm wind and hazy sunshine, and Tony decides that it's finally time to give Happy his overdue birthday gift. He spends the dinner trying to distract Happy from the fact that he's more picking at his food than actually eating – it doesn't work too well – and when they're done, he asks Happy to follow him to the 'shop.

'I promised you this a long time ago, like, months ago, but since it never actually happened, here you are,' he says, nodding at JARVIS, and a moment later Happy is staring with wide eyes at a sky blue suit. It's visibly different from all Marks, the shape is different and it's bigger and the arc reactor is hidden behind a chest plate.

'Boss?' Happy asks, still staring, and Tony breaks into a grin.

'Happy birthday,' Tony says, not bothering to keep the cheerfulness out of his voice. Happy turns around and stares at him instead, making Tony chuckle. 'It's yours.'

'You made me a damn flying suit for my birthday?' Happy questions and Tony nods. 'You're crazy,' Happy declares, turning back to look at the suit.

'I chose your favorite color? Tony half-states, half-asks, as if it was supposed to help.

And it does.

'Yeah, you did, boss,' Happy says quietly, taking a few shy steps towards the suit and then placing his hands on the metal forearms carefully, as something was going to break.

'Now you only have to learn to fly, I can give you pointers and I'm pretty sure Dummy and You and Butterfingers would be more than happy to assist you with a camera, a fire extinguisher and some snacks while I observe –'

'You can't do that to me, that's cruel, I don't have an idea how to fly, maybe I'm afraid of flying –'

'You're not, you gonna love it and well, you can't refuse because I'm terminally ill and you're supposed to do everything to keep me happy and cheerful and seeing you flying would make me happy and cheerful, besides, it's beautiful spring and you gotta let the positive atmosphere in.'

There is a moment of silence, and then Happy asks, 'Did you just make a dying guy joke?'

'I think I did,' Tony admits, frowning slightly. That's the first.

He wonders if it means something.

'You're making jokes now,' Happy says dramatically, 'I have no idea how I'm supposed to last this beautiful spring if you're making jokes, you'll be the most insufferable dying guy in the world –'

'I guess I will,' Tony agrees, raising eyebrows at Happy. Then Happy turns back, their looks cross and they both burst out laughing and Tony gets this bone-deep feeling that this spring may really bring something good.

Then the cozy week vibe is broken by JARVIS saying he has some news on Friday evening.

'I found a factory, sir, where the weapons are produced. It might be one of a few, I am still running a search in three other places, but one of the people you found out last month led me there. There is thirteen people working there right now –'

'Kind of cozy.'

'Agreed, sir. What shall we do with the men? I understand you want to destroy the weapons.'

'Tranq the guys, take them outside and leave for S.H.I. ., when they say you said you won't be around in March tell them it's already the end of the month. And blow up the factory with everything inside. Make sure everything is gone – oh, and make sure there are no virtual traces of the blueprints. Please.'

'Are you sure you're comfortable with me doing the whole job, sir?'

'I am, silly. Of course I am,' Tony assures J, wishing he could pat his head or do anything that just says endless words. 'And keep looking.'

JARVIS does and less than 24 hours later, he has more information, it's like an avalanche of information which Tony is thankful for, even if he'd rather none of these places ever existed.

'Two other sites have been confirmed to produce the weapons,' JARVIS tells Tony. 'One in South America, one in Asia, and there is the one in Africa we already talked about.'

'That sounds just about right, given where Fury picked up the guns, they sold locally. Makes sense.'

'How do you want me to proceed now, sir?'

It takes Tony a few long minutes to reply to that. He has quite a few ideas but the problem is that with the level of communication available everywhere, if Iron Man raids one of the factories, the two others might disappear by the time he gets there. And Tony doesn't feel like handing the case over to S.H.I.E.L.D. or anyone else because it's his damn job and he's got to fix this. It's Howards and Stane and he's got to fix this.

'I want you to take Mark VI and X and fly them close to the factories. Do the same thing in all places; blow the warehouses up, tranq people. Kill only if absolutely necessary – I trust you to assess that. Cut all communications you can manage to cut before you start, give it an hour between attacks, if you can, if there's any movement that might make it impossible, screw the one hour and make sure the job's done.'

'And how will you explain Iron Man's appearance in such remote places in a short span of time?'

'He's a superhero,' Tony laughs. It hurts around his chest but that's a price he's willing to pay because he's damn happy this is finally going to be over. 'I'll say just that – we will say just that. He's a superhero. He's allowed to do some unexplainable things.'

'I am trembling with anticipation for that moment,' JARVIS deadpans, making Tony laugh even more.

'You should,' he says when he can breathe better. 'Damn right you should because it won't be my doing, it's your op, it's all yours, and every word of praise we're gonna hear will be about you and you only.'

'Sir –

'Don't sir me here. Be proud. Daddy loves you.'

'You have a special place in my heart, too,' JARVIS says, sounding slightly mocking but Tony knows it's genuine.

Two days later, while Tony is half-laying in a comfortable armchair in his workshop, observing how Happy gets better and better at finding his balance in the suit and trying not to throw up, JARVIS tells him he's three minutes away from all three targets.

'Pull up a big screen on the wall on my left,' Tony orders and the A.I. obliges, turning the whole big wall into an interactive holographic display. 'Divide in three, vertically, and show me all feeds, just in case, I fancy some views, and follow the plan. Not going anywhere so I have time to wait – and throw in all the data I need to know. Good,' he adds when the image appears. 'Now, JARVIS, baby, go rock.'

'I shall try, sir,' JARVIS says placidly, turning up the volume of the music. The heavy guitar noises fill the workshop the way Tony loves, so he smiles, tells Happy to keep practicing, and lets a shiver of excitement run down his spine as if it was him inside the suits. It's exhilarating to watch JARVIS being badass and amazing and doing everything the same way Tony would, as if he was reading Tony's thoughts.

The attacks go exactly as planned, luckily with no need to kill anyone and with lots of explosions. S.H.I.E.L.D. teams in all three places were informed early enough to be able to get to the scenes about fifteen minutes after JARVIS so he disappears in the suit as soon as a team gets nearby, first in Bolivia, then in Congo and finally in Vietnam.

'Finished, sir. All weapons I could detect are destroyed, as well as any files I was able to trace electronically.'

'Well done, J,' Tony smiles. 'Now fly the suits home and rest,' he adds, getting up from his comfortable seat, and makes his way to the kitchen. Happy is making dinner and he needs to know the good news as soon as possible.

Before Tony manages to finish the sentence, though, the apartment's door open and there is a familiar clicking on the hardwood floor that Tony wouldn't mistake with anything else in the world.

'Pepper,' he greets her, but she doesn't reply. She shakes off her heels and throws her coat on the sofa and then walks up to Tony almost silently. There are strands of hair falling out of her tight ponytail and that means she's been in hurry.

'What are you doing here?' she asks in a raised voice, wrapping her hands around his wrists. 'Why are you here and not halfway across the world? Why haven't you given me a word? I think I told you enough times how it feels to see news about Iron Man in TV instead of being politely warned – I thought it as you and you're supposed to be in radiation and –'

'It wasn't me,' Tony says, maneuvering his hands the way he can wrap his fingers around hers, too. 'I was here the whole time. I'd tell you if it was me.'

'Then how –'

'JARVIS,' Tony states simply. 'It needed to be done and I couldn't go, I wasn't able to, so JARVIS did it.'

'JARVIS?'

'Yeah. Him.'

'Oh,' Pepper breathes and bites her lip the way she always does when she's confused. 'How?'

'Three suits. J is amazing like that, don't pretend to be surprised, you know that, you've knows that for years – hey, did you think I figured out teleportation or something and didn't tell you? Because I may make everyone else think Iron Man has super-superpowers but you know it's just me and JARVIS and no, I wouldn't have been able to be in three places at once or move that quickly,' Tony makes a small pause, waiting for a reaction from Pepper, but she's just staring at him, so he adds, 'if I figured out teleportation, you'd totally be the first person I'd tell so that you could get to all your meetings without wasting time in cars and on planes and you'd have more time for audiobooks and martinis and annoying former billionaires – okay? Right?'

'Okay,' she agrees, blinking as if she saw him for the first time ever. 'Okay.'

'If you're here you can stay for dinner, I hope you have clear schedule –'

'Tony,' she cuts in, still holding him, 'so JARVIS is the hero today? The superhero? His first stunt?'

'Yes.'

'Well,' she says, looking up, 'congratulations, JARVIS.'

'You know what?' Tony asks, fixing his eyes on the ceiling camera, too, even if it doesn't matter much to JARVIS. 'You're going to fill in Iron Man's role when I can't be him anymore. You're amazing and you did amazing and I trust you with this, J. You're gonna be on the misfit team and you'll be perfect there. You do it.'

'Sir –'

'I agree with Tony, JARVIS,' Pepper says, stopping JARVIS from expressing his insecurity. 'I believe a thank you is in order.'

'Thank you, sir,' JARVIS says obediently his voice warm, and Tony beams at him.

This spring is definitely going to be interesting.

In the morning after radiation Tony is in his workshop, finishing the robot he's been working on last week, when JARVIS informs him that Fury wants to see him. Tony tells J that he'll go to the HQ since he's feeling fine, and when he gets there half an hour later, he sneaks into the director's office without making detours on his way.

'I have just three questions for you,' Fury says as soon as the doors are closed.

'Yeah?'

'Did you let someone inside your suits or did you let your A.I. pilot them?'

'JARVIS was the pilot,' Tony replies truthfully, scoffing, and sits on the edge of the chair in front of Fury. 'Second?'

'Smart of you, to urge me to ask you when I feel like strangling you for an unsanctioned op conducted by a fucking A.I. –'

'With all due respect, Director, it was Iron Man's call,' JARVIS says through S.H.I.E.L.D. communication system, almost making Fury flinch.

'A smartass A.I.,' Fury sighs. Tony tries to evaluate the impression that Fury's voice is laced with fondness underneath the bored anger. 'All right then, the second things is – I didn't urge you 'cause after out last two talks you were busy but now I need to know what's going on with my A.I.'

'I was waiting for the moment you were ready for him,' Tony declares cheerfully which is pretty tough since his abdomen and his head are aching dully, he can ignore it but it's slightly distracting when he's pretending to be just fine. 'Next week.'

'All right –'

'Third?'

'Are you going to talk to Stane at some point?' Fury asks, lowering his voice. Tony doesn't reply because he just doesn't know what to say. It's complicated. 'Are you? I tried to talk to him. He knows I was Howard's friend. He won't talk to me, he just… smiled at me smugly and I couldn't wipe that smirk off his damn face.'

'Not now,' Tony says, his voice hard. 'I don't know. Not now.'

'Well, I can't make you, even if it's a very tempting vision. But my three questions are over, so you can go –'

'No, I have a question, too,' Tony. 'I was meaning to ask, what gave me away? I thought I was pretty… thorough. Do you have x-ray vision hidden behind the eye patch or something?'

'The reactor,' Fury says simply, ignoring Tony's babbling.

Oh.

'I knew your father very well and you know that. So, that shade of blue in the middle of Iron Man's chest and apparently powering the suit was pretty obvious when you knew what you're looking for. I know it doesn't look like the reactor, and not even remotely similar to the big one at Stark Industries plant in California, but I just knew it. And don't worry, all the other people who could put things together are dead. Or almost dead.'

'Stane? Could he…' Tony trails off, almost inaudibly, as his body freezes involuntarily.

'I don't know about Stane,' Fury says easily, making Tony cringe because damn that doesn't sound as innocent as it probably should. 'Stane is just a businessman, he's not a scientist or an engineer. Such things are way beyond him,' Fury adds, almost making Tony chuckle. 'There were a few people who worked on the reactor with Howard, but as I said. Dead. Or… permanently silenced.'

Tony stares at Fury for a long moment without blinking, trying to wrap his head around what Director just said, and in the end he breathes a small thank you.

'Damn right you should thank me, brat, I've had my eye on you. I gotta say you took me by surprise at that press conference when you came back.'

'Like everyone else,' Tony shakes his head, trying not to remember that particular time. It was full of triggers and nightmares and other unpleasant things, and it's better to leave it all faded. 'So, that agent –'

'It was Phil,' Fury cuts in, with this almighty smirk plastered across his face, leaning back in his chair.

'It was Phil?'

'I had to send someone who knew what they were doing.'

'Aww, Fury, give me more of that and I'll start to think that you care,' Tony says, faking innocence and trying to figure if things would have gone different if he did talk to Phil back them and if he interacted with S.H.I.E.L.D. while he was still Stark. There are too many scenarios in his head, though, so he cuts the thoughts off.

'I don't care,' Fury spats, sounding more annoyed than angry, as if the sole idea hurt him somehow, 'but I look out for my assets. And Iron Man is a damn good asset.'

'You're too nice today,' Tony declares, leaning forward a little, fixing his eyes on the man's face and trying to figure out what's underneath that permanent scowl. 'People aren't nice unless they have their agenda. Or unless they're Captain America.'

'You would know that, wouldn't you? On both counts,' Fury pauses, giving Tony a firm look. 'And you're right.'

'So? What is it that you need from me?'

'I don't need anything from you,' Fury replies, frowning. Tony doesn't like that look. 'I want to know if you need anything from me.'

'Why would I?'

'Do you think I'm stupid?' Fury questions loudly, standing up, and wraps his arms behind his back. 'Do you? I'd have to be fucking blind not to see something's wrong. Especially now when you know that I know and I have a damn good point of reference,' he says, making Tony cringe. 'Oh, so I'm right. Thank you for making me even more sure.'

'Fury –'

'If you don't want to tell me, then fucking don't. I don't care about your games. You do what you want, all right, I've got the World Security Council glaring at me on the top of all the insanity that S.H.I.E.L.D. manages, so I really don't have time to play. I just want you to tell me,' Fury state in a strange voice, stopping two steps away from Tony, making him look up, 'if you need anything from me.'

'No,' Tony replies slowly, keeping his face as blank as he can manage. 'No.'

He expects some more questions or orders or anything, but Fury just gives him this long look, sighs – it's almost sounds like a scoff – and steps back.

'Well. Since you barged in rudely, now it's time for you to leave. I'm busy.'

'All right,' Tony replies, standing up, trying to make the movement slow without looking unnatural. 'See ya, pirate,' he adds, just because he can, and almost runs out of the room.

Friday the 29th is the last day of radiation and when Tony gets home from the clinic, he orders JARVIS to run some tests he's been meaning to supervise and then he goes to bed. He couldn't sleep at night, just tossed restlessly for long hours, sweaty and achy, listening to JARVIS' constant voice. But it didn't help, he couldn't shut his brain down, he couldn't silence it, the thoughts just kept coming and wearing him out so he really needs a nap now.

By some miracle he falls asleep and wakes up full three hours later, just after noon.

'Captain Rogers left a message less than half an hour ago. He asked if you are back now and if you could meet sometime soon.'

'Did he say anything else?' Tony asks blearily, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

'No.'

'Then text him and tell him to come over.'

'Are you sure this is a good –'

'JARVIS,' Tony cuts in firmly. 'Buddy, please, don't do this to me, everyone does this to me and I don't want coddling, okay? I just had lots of time to think recently and there is something I need to tell Steve. It could wait but I don't want it to wait, I won't do anything important today anyway so I could as well talk to him and eat some pizza or something. Or whatever. So, be a good boy and text him.'

'I just did.'

'Right,' Tony sighs, looking around the slightly messy room. 'Need to find some decent clothing.'

'Captain wrote he'll come around four.'

'That's fine… Happy?'

'Will be at gym at that time.'

'Great,' Tony mutters, fishing his favorite checked shirt out of the wardrobe. When he's dressed, he makes his way to the kitchen to get some lunch and then spends some time in the workshop, playing with the bots. It's supposed to be a test he needs for the next upgrade of the holograms, probably unnecessary as they are already years ahead any other available tech – but it's fun and it's family time that Tony really, really loves.

Steve arrives at four sharp, just as expected, and greets Tony with signed hello and then missed you.

'Missed you too,' Tony signs back, smiling, and invites Steve to come inside.

'Congratulations about your spectacular op,' Steve says, taking off his jacket. 'It looks like you were busier than me which is good, I think. Is it good? I don't like sitting around and doing nothing,' he explains with an apologetic face. 'Sorry. I'm ranting. It's just – it's really nice to see you in person.'

'It's been a long month,' JARVIS translates for Tony. 'But it'll be April soon and we've got the team meeting and training and lots of things going on so I won't disappear on you again.'

'That'd be nice,' Steve chuckles and follows Tony deeper into the flat.

'Would you fancy a milkshake?'

'Milkshake?'

'I know you like them – the road trip. And I wanted to make some last time but I fell asleep.'

'I'd love some. Do I get to choose?'

'You can,' Tony replies and before turning around to get the ice cream out of the freezer he adds, 'but you'll get chocolate cherry anyway.'

'All right,' Steve laughs, 'sounds great.'

Tony nods and gets the tub out, placing it on the counter, then he crouches to get the cherries out of one of the low drawers and when he's standing up, with the tiny basket in his hand, his head swims and there's this sudden loud buzz in his ears and he falls, the darkness claiming him.

'… okay, can you hear me? Please tell me you're okay –'

'I have already informed someone to help Sir –'

'Nate, please,' Steve's frantic voice swims right over Tony's head when he slowly tries to open his eyes. His head hurts and his elbow is aching and he feels limp like a rag doll, not such an unfamiliar feeling, and he's woken up after passing out enough times in his life to guess what's just happened.

'How long,' he mouths silently, knowing that JARVIS will read his lips.

'You were out less than a minute, sir. I have already called for help.'

'Unnecessary,' Tony mouths again, closing his eyes and letting them rest a bit. It's easier to ignore Steve's frightened face when he can't see it, too.

'I called Doctor Eisen, he should be here in about five minutes, sir. He was heading over to Colonel's – yes, a lucky coincidence,' JARVIS adds at Tony's weak disbelieving stare.

'Nate,' Steve says, his voice trembling slightly. 'I – are you okay? I didn't manage to catch you, I was too far, please tell me if you're okay –.'

'Okay,' Tony signs, ignoring the slight ache in his left hand. He can tell it's not broken, he'll just end up with a nasty bruise. 'Okay,' he repeats and Steve nods, acknowledging the sign.

'Let's get you to the sofa –' Steve starts, but JARVIS cuts in.

'It's better if you let Sir stay where he is for a few moments. He might be in pain or feel nauseous and movement could make it worse,' he says sternly and Steve takes away the hand he's just placed on Tony's arm, like a scolded kid.

'Comfortable here,' Tony signs and JARVIS translates that after a heartbeat. That means hesitation in JARVIS-speak but no one other than Tony knows.

'You're comfy on the floor, huh? Steve chuckles nervously. 'Nate, you've just fainted – please tell me what's going on, okay?' he adds in a whisper, leaning over Tony. 'We were talking and you just collapsed, fell to the floor and I need to know what's wrong, please, we're all worried, me and Bruce and Phil and everyone else. I told you that I won't let you push me away if something is wrong with you, if something… I want to help, okay? And you're not letting me and I don't know what I should do because I can't pretend nothing happened, I can't pretend nothing happened between us and I can't pretend nothing happened today because you were talking to me and the next second you weren't there and you're sprawled on the floor breathing heavily and I don't – I don't know –'

Tony moves his not-aching hand and wraps his fingers around Steve's tightly, catching his attention, and then lets got of him so that he can sign.

'Don't worry, I'm okay,' JARVIS translates, keeping Nate's voice level and blank. 'It's nothing, I'm sorry you had to see this.'

'It doesn't matter,' Steve raises his voice just a tone and Tony can't tell he's more frustrated than angry. 'I thought we were friends, I thought we could tell each other everything and I know you told me so many times that there's something you want to keep secret, but it's hurting me seeing you like this and not knowing what's going on. You should be sorry because something like this should never happened, you should be all right, you have to – you have to be all right –'

'Captain,' JARVIS calls Steve, his voice firm. 'Please remain calm. A doctor will be here in a moment –'

'So there's a doctor at your call, huh? And you still tell me you're okay, you sign me you're okay? I don't get it!' Steve says heatedly, but then takes a few breathes and calms down. 'I'm sorry, I shouldn't be like this, I just wish you'd trust me, I wish you'd trust us because we want all the best for you, we want to help you, and forget that I wanted to be your boyfriend because it doesn't matter, I just wish you'd let us in, behind the Iron Man armor, behind the mask.'

'I wish I could,' Tony signs, ignoring the urge to shout. He really needs to shout right now, to scream, to say all the fucking words he wants to say. Just – let it go.

But he doesn't yet.

'I wish I could but it's complicated,' he signs and then stops, a sharp pain piercing his head, and takes a few deep breaths. Breathing hurts, too, and he can see it in Steve's eyes that Steve has noticed that. Before he gets to continues, Steve wraps his warm hands around Tony's and gives him this sad broken look.

'I haven't cared about anyone as much as I do about you, not after Bucky died – not even Peggy, not anyone else.'

'Sir –' JARVIS starts but doesn't get to say the rest of the sentence because Steve interrupts him.

'I know Natasha talked to you,' he says in low voice, pocketing his hands and moving back slightly. Tony's on his back, with his right cheek touching the pleasantly cold tiles, and he stares at Steve from floor level because he's pretty sure he could muster enough strength to pull himself up and frankly, he can't be bothered to, he's just – he's just too tired. And it does feel comfortable here. 'I can guess what she told you and you know what? Maybe she was right. I'm starting to wonder, I knew she wanted to protect me because that's what we do, we protect each other, and I told her she didn't need to scare you.'

Steve pauses for a moment and shakes his head slightly, moving yet another inch back. 'Just tell me to go. I'm sorry it's like this, I know you're hurt, but it hurts me so much, too, to see you like this and it's not the first time something is wrong and I can't do this if you don't let me in at all. Tell me to go or tell me to stay but just please, please be honest with me once, okay? Just tell me to go,' he says once more and Tony stares for a long moment, holding his breath.

He's so tired with everything.

It's just a flash of a second but he suddenly remembers Levy's words from his hospital stay, Pepper's words and JARVIS and Rhodey's, telling him to do what he feels he should, no matter what, to be at peace with himself.

So he does.

He closes his eyes so that he won't see Steve's face and signs, moving his hands tiredly, letting JARVIS say it aloud, ordering him silently to say it all aloud.

'You want to know? All right,' he makes a slight pause to take a breath. 'Up until several months ago I was Tony Stark and I'm only pretending to be someone else because I'm dying and I'm too much of a coward to die in front of the whole world and now I'm lying on the floor now and this is what everything goes down to. The answer you wanted,' he adds, wondering how on earth this is happening now. He's imagined this moment endless times before but he never foresaw this.

'Now you can go,' he adds and lets his hands fall and rest on the cold floor, too, curling up, and makes himself open his eyes just to see Steve's stunned, betrayed face as Cap stands up, looks around quickly and runs out without a word, the floor vibrating with his heavy steps.

Just a moment later Doc is kneeling next to Tony – he must have heard everything, Tony thinks hazily – to check his pupils and breathing, looking livid, and Tony lets himself blink away the moistness in his eyes.

A/N: There you go, dearies. I hope it's what you've been waiting for. I'd be very happy to read your thoughts :)