Again come the morning (part 3)

There is no time for rest for superheroes, it seems, as the next day there is a strange surge in the same place as before and Hermes reports Fury shouting at him in a mad rage to call those morons to assemble and fly over there to detain or kill whatever comes out of the makeshift rip in spacetime now.

'You are not fit to fight today, sir,' JARVIS says in the softest tone. For a moment Tony wishes the A.I. wasn't trying to be so gentle with him and would just say some annoying comment, but he knows perfectly well that J jokes when it's time for joking and stays serious when it's time to be serious.

'I know,' he admits; he arrived home from radiation a few minutes earlier and while he's feeling good, especially compared to yesterday, he can acknowledge that he really isn't in a shape to get bumped all over again. 'Can you...?'

'Of course,' J replies quickly; there is only one thing he could be asking now and JARVIS knows it. 'Mark IX?'

'Might as well,' Tony agrees, dropping onto the lovely sofa and waving at JARVIS to turn one on of the nearby screens; a second later one of the white walls turns into an interactive space. 'Do your best, kiddo.'

'I shall – what do you want me to say if Captain Rogers asks me about any… questionable matters?'

'Tell him it's not time to talk about that,' Tony sighs, massaging his temples in a hopeless attempt at making the dull annoying headache go away. 'Because it's true, it's gonna be a battle, there's no time to talk about personal stuff during a battle and Cap should know that, he's strict like that, right? Oh, and don't get on the Quinjet, they'll just be all over you, just fly the suit back to me –'

'I know, sir.'

''course you do,' Tony murmurs, letting himself sink into the sofa a bit more. Maybe he'll just stay here today without as much as moving a limb. It's frighteningly tempting.

It's the Hulk, Iron Man, Spider Man and Captain America to take care of the weird creatures that end up on a desert this time. There are a few dozens of them but at least they are not humanoid and not armed – unless you count venom and scales as weapons – so the fight doesn't take that long. JARVIS does everything perfectly, flying by himself as Tony advised him, and by the time it starts getting dark the armor is back in the flat's shop and Tony drags himself from the sofa where he spent most of the day, writing codes and pretending not to drift in and out of sleep.

Hermes gives Tony a dry report about Fury's mood and the argument he has with Hill again, making Tony snicker at the thoughts that just have to appear in his head; there seems to be something going on between those two. Really. And he decides he'd rather not know.

Tony listens to JARVIS reports, finishing a set of designs on his tables without even thinking about it much, and then he's suddenly startles by Happy's voice and realizes he must have fallen asleep.

'Boss, JARVIS was just trying to tell you that Cap wants to see you but apparently your brain decided that his voice is background noise and didn't register it.'

What Tony hears is I know you'd hate it if I let you sleep now because that's how you are, and he smiles and nods at J's nearest camera.

'Captain Rogers mentioned he would like to visit you.'

'Let him,' Tony says, stretching his limbs pleasantly, 'tell him to come, if he wants,' he adds, getting off the sofa. His legs feels strange, almost like cotton, but the feeling passes after a few steps.

'You sure you feeling up to this?'

'Happy,' Tony rolls his eyes, 'we've had this conversation so many –'

'I get it, I get it,' Happy agrees, moving to towards the kitchen. 'Let me at least get some warm soup into you before he comes, okay? I know you haven't eaten –'

'Happy!' Tony moans, shaking his head in disbelief when Happy starts laughing. 'It better not be that damn –'

'It's just tomato.'

'… all right then,' Tony agrees, waving at Happy and making his way, in slow steps, towards his room so that he can refresh himself a bit and put on some decent clothes. It feels nice that he doesn't have to put on the whole Nate disguise, as much as he enjoys being literally in someone else's skin, it makes thing easy to just put on a shirt and be ready.

Before Steve comes, he manages to finish the soup and have a final look at a couple of things he's been working on earlier, saving the files to send them off tomorrow.

'Hey, Cap,' Happy greets Steve as soon as he opens the door with a soft creaking sound.

'Why ever do you call him Cap, by the way, I thought it was my thing only,' Tony whines from his room, nodding to himself as JARVIS stores his files and turns off all the screens. 'Is that right, Cap?'

'I don't think it's trademarked,' Steve says, smiling slightly as Tony emerges from his room, still barefoot. 'Are you okay?'

'Yeah –'

'He was wondering why you'd be fighting if you're undergoing treatment right now,' Happy says. Tony looks between him and Steve with a slight frown.

'I was wondering why you'd be fighting,' Steve agrees, repeating the words. Tony stares.

'How do you even...' he trails off questioningly, trying to wrap his mind around this thing going on in front of his eyes.

'We talked a bit when you were asleep. The last time,' Happy informs Tony cheerfully, grabbing a few magazines he's just bought. 'Well, I'll be going,' he adds and a moment later Tony is alone in the room with Steve, suddenly feeling as if the space between them was so terrifying great.

He doesn't understand simple things anymore, it feels like.

'Happy is best friends with JARVIS whenever you're not around,' Steve explains and Tony finds himself nodding expectantly, 'I'm Ijon's best friend back at the HQ, since everyone else seems to have – a life. They gossip. But I'm sure you know that.'

'Ijon is like a kid,' Tony muses distractedly, taking a few steps towards Steve, observing his reactions closely. Steve seems to be – afraid of the closeness.

'Are you hurt?' he asks and Tony laughs softly because he understands, he knows very well that while JARVIS is very sensible and contained, he lets himself be pretty wild with Iron Man when Tony isn't inside the armor; it's not as if he would be physically hurt. That's just a little difference that Tony thought no one would really pick up – especially since he himself likes doing some acrobatics now and then – but it seems like someone already did.

'I'm not,' he says, staring at a frown crawling onto Steve's face. 'I'm really not.'

'Today was –'

'Steve –'

'It's difficult to watch you – knowing,' Steve finishes, gently ignoring Tony's words. That's exactly how it feels: gentle. As if he was apologizing without actually apologizing for saying those words.

'It wasn't me,' Tony says nonchalantly and makes an effort to keep his back straight, basic body language, even though it's an instinct by now to hunch his shoulders and protect the reactor, even if unnecessary. 'It wasn't me in the suit,' he clarifies because Steve gapes. 'It's not always been me in the suit.'

The silence that's all around when the last notes of his voice die down is deafening. Steve looks… somehow hurt, but mostly bewildered.

'Who –'

'I pilot the suits, Captain,' JARVIS speaks up, making Steve flinch. 'I pilot the suits whether sir is or isn't inside. Sometimes it's just aiding Sir but other times it's everything.'

'You let your A.I. be Iron Man?'

'He's always been more than a part of Iron Man,' Tony explains putting his hands in his pockets as he can't keep them still and that tells the whole world he's nervous and he doesn't like that. 'He's been on missions a few times instead of me. So far.'

When I can't, he leaves out unsaid.

Steve, of course, reads between lines.

'You did a really great job today, JARVIS,' he says, lifting his head up and looking away from Tony for just a second too long. 'Thank you,' he adds and gives Tony a considering look that Tony can't quite understand.

'I'm fine,' he says, just in case, it seems to always be a good thing to say. Universal.

'Tony –'

'I'm fine,' Tony insists, but Steve just gives him a long look, so he adds, 'as fine as I can be. You know. Now.'

That seems to satisfy Steve as he nods slightly and then takes the two steps that have been separating him from Tony and pulls him into a strong warm embrace.

'You know, it's – it's difficult for me, to talk about that stuff,' Tony mumbles into the crook of Steve's neck, he actually as to stand on his toes to do that but he doesn't mind. 'To admit it. To stay behind. Even if JARVIS is awesome.'

Steve murmurs something non-committal.

'Steve?'

'Mhm?

'I need to show you something,' Tony decides, trying not to let his body tense up. 'We haven't really talked, you know?' he adds when Steve pulls back to look at him. Tony is painfully aware of the dark bags under his eyes.

'We haven't,' Steve agrees slowly. 'Do you...?'

'I think we need to,' Tony admits even though he doesn't really feel like having this conversation ever. But it would be nice to be able not to hide things from someone, especially someone – special, or whatever Steve is to him now, he doesn't really know an answer to that one either. 'Because I just threw some stuff at you without explaining and it's unfair – don't say it's not,' he adds when he seen Steve wants to deny. 'It really is, I can't expect you to be like this and honestly you shouldn't be like this, you know, trusting me that much, it's a twenty first century thing that you've got to be suspicious and demand things –' he trails off suddenly when he sees Steve smirking. 'What?'

'It's really nice to hear you talk like that,' Steve explains, 'You never talk much as Iron Man and you don't – you don't communicate as much when you are Nate either.'

'That's kind of the point,' Tony says, internally pleased with the fact that Steve doesn't mind his rants because ugh, he's perfectly aware that it's been such a rant.

'So maybe we should sit down?'

'Right. Yes. Sit down,' Tony agrees, suddenly lightheaded, but it passes when he blinks and he wonders if maybe he's just imagined the feeling. 'I'm a terrible host. I'm not used to people coming over, for obvious reasons, it's always been just me and robots – and random people that I didn't care about and they didn't care about me –'

'You talk a lot when you're nervous, though,' Steve adds.

Tony looks away.

He remembers the times when he'd laugh such a comment off, remembers them painfully well, but things are different now and maybe, on this count, better.

'It's just that,' he stops, takes a deep breath – never deep enough, not for the last few years, he knows that too well – and adds excuse me before making his way to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him and slumping down to the floor.

'Sir?'

''m all right, J,' he mutters, and then, 'I want to tell him, you know? About the reactor. But it seem like – I know I can trust him but it's still –'

'I understand.'

'I just panicked, huh, didn't I?' he asks pointlessly, knowing the answer too well. 'And before you ask again, nothing's wrong, I just – should I tell him?'

'That decision is up to you, sir –'

'No, JARVIS,' Tony cuts in, looking up at the speaker J's voice is coming from. 'Should I tell him?'

'I believe that could be beneficial to your relationship,' the A.I. says after a beat. 'And I am quite sure Colonel Rhodes would agree with me as he always has your mental comfort in mind.'

'You bet,' Tony laughs harshly and takes a few more deep breaths which doesn't help much so he gets up and splashes some cold water on his face. Doesn't help that much, either, but it's familiar and mechanical and it somehow makes him feels as if he were more prepared now.

'Have you ever read thing on my father's accomplishments? And mine, as Stark?' Tony asks when he gets out of the bathroom. Steve's sitting on the edge of the sofa and Tony stands in the middle of the room, leaning against the single column, almost hidden behind one of those ridiculously lovely palm trees of Happy's.

'Quite a lot,' Steve says, a frown forming between his eyebrow, 'why?'

'You know that time I was – in Afghanistan,' Steve nods and Tony closes his eyes, trying to push the memories of moldy scents and scorching sun out of his brain, 'I got injured. It wasn't really reported anywhere, besides the obvious, but I've never shared the details with the public, of course you understand that, I'd have to be crazy to, but I got hurt. Someone saved my life there,' he stops to take a breath and stop his voice from trembling, 'but the cost of it was this,' he finishes, opening the few top buttons of his shirt carefully, feeling Steve's unsure stare on him.

'This is –'

'It's an arc rector. Miniaturized one. There are few people in the world that even know about it. This – it stops the shrapnel from getting to my heart.'

'My god,' Steve breathes, getting up and walking up to Tony, 'it's – it's in your chest. Inside you.'

'It powers the suit, too. That's how I got out of Afghanistan, prototype reactor and prototype armor. It saved my life.'

'Does it –' Steve starts, but then shakes his head, 'of course it hurts.'

'I don't notice it anymore,' Tony says after a second, deciding to go with truthful this time. It's not a lie at all. He doesn't notice it anymore. Almost at all. 'It's keeping me alive and it's what created Iron Man and the whole superhero thing and I'm – I'm grateful for that. That part, I mean.'

'You're a little bit crazy,' Steve says, still looking at the blue light, completely transfixed.

'Oh, I'm plenty crazy, you mind?' Tony smiles widely, making Steve's stare harden.

'I'm – no, I don't. I'm just speechless, Tony.'.

There is a moment of silence and then Steve looks away from Tony's chest and Tony starts to button up his shirt, his hands shaking slightly. Steve doesn't interfere though and Tony appreciates it a lot.

They just spend the rest of the evening on the sofa, nestled into each other – Tony feels like Steve needs it more than he does, he seems pretty distressed about the idea of the thing inside Tony's body – and completely silent.

Tony is sick with talking even though they don't even so that for a few days.

Steve comes over the next day and the next, for a few minutes each time because they both turn out to be strangely busy this week. He has to be at S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ a lot of time and Nate has a few meetings and some projects that need to be finished before May comes.

They kiss and exchange some meaningless words about everyday moments and Steve keeps looking at Tony worriedly, almost making him regret sharing the arc rector secret. Almost. Happy observes them with a smile, whenever he's in the flat, and sneaks around doing his things.

One evening when Steve is just leaving Rhodey comes by with some takeouts and a few army stories he wants to share with Tony and he almost drops the boxes on the floor when he opens the door and barely avoids walking into Captain America.

'Sorry,' he says and gives Tony a long stare as he passes them to put the food on the kitchen counter. 'Ehm… good afternoon, Captain,' he adds, barely stopping himself from a salute, making Tony smirk.

'Steve, Rhodey – Colonel James Rhodes,' Tony says when Rhodey glares at him, 'Rhodey, Steve a.k.a Cap. Say hello, army boys.'

'Tony,' Rhodey rolls his eyes and turns to Steve, stretching out his hand. 'Nice to meet you, Captain. I've heard a lot about you.'

'As did I,' Steve replies, shaking his hand, and Tony tries to look innocent. 'Good things,' he clarifies and they share an amused look. Tony feels funny about that, he's not sure he likes the silent communication but he's glad of the fact that they both know Tony Stark now. Steve hasn't said anything about that but Tony knows he's notices that Tony behaves differently as – himself. As the most himself version of himself, if that even makes sense.

'Unexpected,' Rhodey points out and Steve chuckles, giving Tony a fond look.

'I'm sorry, but I need to get going,' Steve says after a long second of silence. 'I hope we can get to know each other properly, Colonel –'

'It's Rhodey. I know this idiot sounds like he's joking, but everyone calls me Rhodey.'

'Okay then,' Steve smiles and leans to give Tony a quick kiss, squeezing his hand reassuringly as he does that. 'Good luck. See you soon,' he adds and lets go of Tony, grabs his jacket from the hanger and leaves.

'Fuck,' Rhodey states, staring at the now closed doors. 'Fuck, Captain America –'

'You've known that, like, for ages –'

'But I've never met him, I've just known, I've just hears stories and seen him on tv, dumbass. He's so smitten with you, you lucky bastard.'

Tony doesn't reply as he considers how they must look from someone outside their two-person relationship mess. Smitten is probably a good word even though they still tiptoe around each other all the time and probably will keep doing that since none of them seems to know how to figure out some relationship stuff. But it doesn't really matter.

'Think you can eat?' Rhodey asks quietly when they've moved to the kitchen and Tony is getting them both some soda.

'Popped a few anti-emetics earlier,' Tony smiles wryly, focusing on the bottles in his hands and not the look on Rhodey's face, 'so I'll be fine. Thai, is it Thai? I thought I smelled Thai and I'd like that very much.'

'That and Italian,' Rhodey offers, opening the first box, filling the room with the scent of tomatoes and oregano.

'You know me too well,' Tony smirks as they sit down to eat.

Rhodey looks like he'd like to say something – almost like he's like to protest – but he doesn't say anything as he digs in.

Team meeting is unusual this time since Clint and Natasha are still in Australia with Doctor Foster so they set up a teleconference to discuss everything that's been going on on both ends of the ocean.

'We hear you've had some newcomers last week,' Clint laughs as soon as the connection is established and Steve scowls at him half a second later. 'Sorry, Cap, didn't mean to annoy you –'

'We all know you did,' Phil comments drily but he sounds more fond than annoyed. Makes sense as Clint's been away for almost two weeks and they are supposed to be newlyweds not far into the future.

'How's Australia?' Spider Man asks, almost bouncing behind Iron Man's back; Tony is quite surprised Peter is not hanging from the ceiling on one of his webs yet.

'Kangaroos and spiders wherever we are,' Clint says, ignoring Natasha's hard look.

'We're still investigating the readings, local S.H.I.E.L.D. teams are working with us but there haven't been any conclusive data yet so we might stay here a bit longer. Sorry, Phil.'

'As long as you need to,' Phil says firmly, giving Clint a sharp nod.

They talks about this month's missions and everything that's planned for May – which isn't much but it isn't all candyland either, there are two potentially tough ops to run and one of them is all Iron Man's. Phil doesn't say much aloud, just slides a folder towards Tony who stiffens inside the suit as he sees the mission objectives: there are still some stray Stark's arms that he needs to take care of.

All right.

A good thing to direct his anger at.

There is training afterwards and the only thought Tony has in his mind throughout the session is how glad he is that Steve doesn't go easy on him. He's more thankful for that that he ever thought he could be.

As soon as they are finished, Ijon informs him via JARVIS that Director Fury would like to see Mister Rives. Tony rolls his eyes at that and wonders why he couldn't just go as Iron Man, it's not like it matters with the director anyway, since he knows, but whatever works. It'll just take a little bit more time to get ready.

'You're funny,' Tony says as soon as he's sure that the doors are closed and Fury's office is secure.

'Am I? Why, pray tell, would you say something like that?' Fury all but growls, not looking up from the file he has in front of him. His eye is not moving though, so he's either hiding behind the paper or staring at something intently.

Tony laughs in response, sitting on the free swivel chair and making a few turns.

'Thanks for the time to breathe,' he just says when Fury puts the folder down, finally. Fury might not know Tony that well but he seems to figure out some things nonetheless. 'So, what's up?'

'Portals.'

'Fuck portals,' Tony comments pleasantly, trying desperately to make his mind do just that instead of replaying the cold nothingness eating through his body. He shivers slightly and wraps his hands together, placing them on the edge of the desk firmly.

'I very much share your view,' Fury states, sounding like he doesn't really. 'But I need you to be on a team. Can you do that? I need a team here. We have Foster in Australia with a unit, you've just talked to her, and we have two agents in the middle of the desert, running a difficult op in the middle of a modern terrorist nest. They don't call themselves that, but, as Captain America would say, they're bullies and we don't like bullies.'

Tony smiles at that slightly, it sounds like words taken out of Steve's mouth, true. The smile turns cold when he notices the way Fury is looking at him.

'Can you do that?' Director repeats, unmoving.

'I –' Tony starts and trails off when he realizes that it should be an easy question but in reality it's a trick one and he has no damn idea if he can. Physically and mentally because those damn memories are still giving him nightmares. 'I can consult,' he says finally, keeping his voice level.

'All right,' Fury agrees, too easily in Tony's opinion. 'Good.'

Pepper would be fucking proud of him for almost saying no.

'Steve knows,' he adds when he's just about to leave. Fury's head snaps up and he stares, making Tony feel uncomfortable under the scrutiny.

'Good,' he says again and Tony exhales, nods sharply, and leaves the room, letting the doors behind him close with a loud thud, echoing in the empty hallway.

Steve calls a while after Tony gets back home. It's almost ten in the evening.

'I wanted to ask you something,' he says and Tony finds himself making a go on gesture before he remembers Steve can't see him.

'Yes?'

'Could I – can I go with you tomorrow?'

'Go where?' Tony asks, confused, as he takes off his shirt and wraps the duvet around his shoulders as he sits on the bed.

'To the clinic?' Steve more asks than states, 'you said you're still in – in radiation this week?'

'You don't have to,' Tony says quickly, tapping at the tablet in his lap to see what he's supposed to do tomorrow. There is a chat with Nate's medical tech team and a few projects he's wanted to work on for SI – for Pepper, for the future – but instead, they are crossed out and corrected with JARVIS' favorite font and in arc reactor blue to BOTS. J really knows him too well, Tony decides; he hasn't been feeling that great this week so JARVIS just assumed he'd lie to go to the big 'shop and tinker instead of finishing his projects.

Which is very true and Tony feels damn lucky about being able to juggle his responsibilities like that.

'I want to,' Steve replies, saying exactly what Tony knew he'd say. 'I know it's difficult and maybe even intimate, and if you don't want me to take this step just tell me, but I want to. If that's okay with you, Tony.'

'Nothing really happens there –'

'I'll just –'

'– but I guess you can come, if you really want to, but remember that it's boring and I'm Nate.'

'All right,' Steve laughs lightly, 'okay, Nate. I'll be at your place tomorrow at?...'

'Seven. Like being early.'

'See you then,' Steve says and hangs up. Tony closes his eyes, takes a few deep breaths and suddenly realizes that he won't be able to fall asleep tonight. He's tired, he's so damn tired but the feeling never goes away so he does his best to ignore it.

'JARVIS, give me the arc reactor parts inventory, I wanna know what we've got already and when can we go rockin'.'

And that's exactly what they do all night so the first thing Happy says in the morning is clean yourself up and Tony tries to but it doesn't help much with the exhausted look. Well. Not like it's something new and not like it would make anyone thing twice at the clinic, but Steve – Steve hasn't seen him like this ever before. Tony just successfully his in his lair whenever it was a not-too-good day.

'If Captain Rogers will stay, and from my observations it is very unlikely that he would leave, he will eventually see you in a bad state, sir,' JARVIS observes when Tony's putting on socks, sitting in the middle of the bathroom floor. 'I am sure he will understand it.'

'I know, I know,' Tony sighs, 'it's just that all those years everyone has been drilling into me that whenever I go on any kind of a damned public place, I should look my best and have a layer of makeup on my face no matter how hangover I am, right, Tony fucking Stark never looks anything but perfect, think about how the stocks would go down if you looked sick, that's how we rolled, right? It's been years and it's just there,' he says, pointing at his head, and then reaches for a t-shirt and a jacket waiting for him on the edge on the bath.

'I wish you could forget everything Stane and your father ever said to you,' JARVIS says fiercely – at least Tony knows the tone is meant to be the A.I.'s version of fierce – and Tony smiles weakly at how J says Stane without calling him mister or any other honorifics.

'I wish I was an A.I., sometimes, so that my creator could wipe out some thing from my head,' Tony admits, his voice muffles by the clothes he's putting on.

JARVIS doesn't reply; someone could take as offence of fear but they both know better than that.

'Captain Rogers is approaching the door,' JARVIS only informs Tony a few minutes later, when Tony is finishing his morning glass of milk and honey; Happy keeps making him drink that and it actually does soothe his stomach a bit so he doesn't argue.

'Hey,' he greets Steve, putting on a light jacket. It's May and it's warm outside, he knows.

'Hey,' Steve says and offers him a smile. 'Shall we?'

'Yes,' Tony signs and takes Steve's hand, so glad for the millionth time that the world doesn't know who the present Captain America is. He's always hidden behind his and no one sane would suspect that he could be the same man that was Captain America back in 40s.

They take the metro and keep walking holding hands, if only not to lose each other in the morning rush, and Tony is aware of the way Steve keeps observing him subtly.

'You're amazing,' he whispers into Tony's ear when they're finally back on the surface and are walking down the road to the clinic. 'Your body language changes so much between Nate and – and you. There are similarities between Iron Man and Nate but you, you're something else.'

Tony frowns a little, considering that, but when he's Nate he's generally a completely different person so he doesn't even notice that anymore. Sure, he did make a point of keeping the body language in check at the beginning of the game, but now it just happens.

Radiation goes smoothly and Tony would call this round not too bad, in general. Nausea is kept in check and the mark on his skin where the radiation enters his body isn't problematic at all. Overall, not bad.

'Hey, lovely,' Steve says when Tony gets out of the radiation room. He's been sitting obediently on the uncomfortable chair in the hall for the last fifteen minutes, chatting with the other patients from the look of it. Of course. Tony should have foreseen that.

'Hello,' he signs, taking his jacket from Steve, offering him a small smile. He waves at the people he recognizes – they keep seeing each other now and then, all of them being around constantly – and follows Steve to exit the clinic.

'I love it when you're smiling,' Steve tells him in a whisper when they are waiting for a train; the subway station is strangely empty, most of the morning commuters have already gotten off public transpiration and arrived at their jobs. Tony smiles a little bit wider at the words, but then Steve adds, 'but I can still see in your eyes that you're in pain.'

Tony keeps smiling and says nothing because Nate never says anything.

When they are back in the apartment, Tony pretends he never heard those words.

'Food?'

'You feel up to eating?'

'Some soup will do, or jell-o,' Tony decides, looking into the fridge. 'Cauliflower soup. Blueberry jell-o. Happy knows me too well.'

'He cares for you.'

'… I guess we look after each other,' Tony says after a beat. 'We've been doing that for ages.'

'I'm glad,' Steve declares and takes the pan with soup from Tony's hands, taking over reheating the late breakfast, and Tony lets himself rest by the kitchen island. He keeps the food down which is a bit of a surprise to himself, and then Steve stays over for the rest of the day. Tony though Cap had some S.H.I.E.L.D. obligations but Steve actually said screw Fury, making Tony wide-eyed, and then he laughed at Tony's face.

Tony talks with his team, dictating words to JARVIS as he sits curled up in his armchair, observing Steve playing with the holograms with their blue glow making his eyes even more prominent, maybe a percent of his attention actually focused on the chat. He's a genius so he still gets everything right.

'I'm going to my other workshop,' he informs Steve when he's finished. 'Don't give me the look.'

'You – aren't you tired?'

'I know how I look, thank you,' Tony laughs a little bit too bitterly, 'but I won't relax now. Not here. Too restless. That happens a lot. JARVIS reads my mind and he knew I'd want to do some hands-on so I'm going to work on making robots – wait, you've never met my bots!' he exclaims, suddenly realizing that. Oh. 'I've always kept them away whenever people came over because they are Stark's. Fuck. And it never came up – come on,' he says, jumping of the stool and rushing to the 'shop with Steve right behind him.

Dummy and You and Butterfingers are seemingly having a shy day what makes Tony laugh until he can't breathe and freaks Steve out a little bit.

'Sorry,' he says when he can finally catch a proper breath, 'they are such curious and overwhelming creatures most of the time, but then they never get to meet new people so they must be a little confused. They'll warm up to you,' he adds, glaring at the three bots, standing in the line, strangely close to each other, chirping suspiciously.

'Very glad to meet you, fellas,' Steve says, his voice arm, and Dummy calms down a little bit, extending his claw curiously. 'Should I?...'

'You can shake his arm, yeah, if you want to,' Tony admits. Steve does just that and when the bots see that he's friendly, they're all over him a moment later. 'Now you're not gonna get rid of them.'

'They are a cute bunch,' Steve comments, and then turns to towards the bots and says, in a serious teacher-like voice, 'sorry, guys, but me and Tony, we're going out now. But I will see you later and I'm sure it will be a pleasure. Right?'

There are a few sad whirls that make Tony a little melted inside but the bots go to their charging stations obediently, to everyone's surprise.

'Guess Cap America authority works on everyone,' Tony says when they're putting on their coats. Steve just smiles. 'We can just walk there, or we can take a bus from here.'

'Bus,' Steve says lightly, not mentioning at all why he'd prefer a crowded bus on this lovely sunny spring day. Tony nods and leads Steve to the right stop without a word because the warm hand wrapped around his means enough.

Steve stays for the night again but when Tony wakes up for the last radiation in this session, Steve's not there. JARVIS forwards his apologies, there was an urgent matter Fury seemed to need Captain for so he left maybe fifteen minutes before Tony woke up.

Pity, Tony thinks, he'd love to see Steve's smile first thing in the morning, but the sun outside is almost as good.

On Saturday, after spending a few amazing but equally exhausting hours at Riverside, Tony gets out of the building completely consumed with enjoying the warm sunlight on his face, and he almost misses a certain red-headed person sitting on the edge of a small wall running along the pavement.

'Bruce said I should probably be able to find you here,' Natasha says, her face and voice revealing nothing.

For a moment Tony just stares, bewildered, too aware of her shiny eyes on his and the sunrays all around, almost blinding, and then he takes about his phone and types.

'Steve said you were in Australia.'

'Obviously, I came back,' she scoffs. Tony nods as if it was nothing – but he honestly wasn't aware that they were back so she had to come here straight from the airport, otherwise Tony would have gotten some notification. 'I don't trust you,' she adds and Tony takes a step back, it's just a tiny step but it means enough. She relaxes a bit, almost smiles, and suddenly she's a different person, like a chameleon.

It's amazing and terrifying at the very same time and it physically makes Tony feel better.

'Should it mean something to me?' Tony types, wondering about that for real. Her coming to Nate, should it mean something? Like, really?

'I don't know what happened between you and Steve, but he was avoiding me and everyone for some time, hiding in his room, and I know it had something to do with you. He isn't doing that anymore even if he's out of the HQ most of the time, from what I hear from Ijon.'

She's still staring at him, as if waiting for him to act – to slip. Or to give in. He's not going to.

'If Steve hasn't talked to you, I won't either,' he types without looking and meets her eyes, holding his head high. That might not be a very Nate thing to do, but whoever he might pretend to be, he's still himself, down there.

So he holds his head high.

'Good,' she says finally with a glimmer in his eyes, 'good.'

Then she turns around and starts walking and when Tony blinks, she seems to disappear, leaving Tony standing in the middle of the pavement.

There is team training on Sunday and Tony insist on going himself, despite what Happy and JARVIS keep telling him. He shuts she door of the shop, orders J to give him some really loud music, and lays on the floor, playing with holograms until his hands go numb, and spends Saturday night writing down ideas of how to make holograms controlled by one's mind, since he's working on similar things already.

That would be lovely, to be able to create when you can't – can't do anything. But your mind is still working. It would mean a real life to all the people with locked-in syndrome and so many more illnesses.

It keeps Tony up until sunrise, then he naps for two hours before going to Avengers HQ. Somehow everyone seems to have the need to let some energy out and the training is faster, more violent and crazier than usually and while nothing bad happens, there will be a lot of bruises on their bodies tomorrow.

Tony doesn't mind anymore.

Steve is supposed to go over team strategy with Phil who has been observing all their fights so far, it's just a routine maybe we can come up with something meeting so they'll share their thoughts during the next training. Iron Man says goodbye to him, Steve replies with the same and tries not to smile too much.

When Tony gets to the roof to take off and fly a bit before he goes back home, he sees Spider Man crouched on one of the HQ's chimneys, on the highest spot available around.

'Was waiting for you.'

'Pretty obvious unless you like springtime sunsets,' Iron Man replies, his voice metallic but soft, the way Tony loves most but would never admit.

'I need to talk to you,' Peter says, more seriously that Tony has ever heard him, so he tenses a bit and moves closer.

'Here?'

'Meet you at your 'shop in fifteen?'

'You can make it in ten,' Tony challenges, knowing that it's easier to deal with difficult stuff when you let off the stem first. Peter sounds like he could use that.

'You're on,' he laughs and disappears a second later, and Tony follows.

'You're thirty-three seconds late,' JARVIS says for Nate as Tony is sitting in his favorite chair, leaning back, observing Peter sneaking in through the door. He seems… off, somehow. Jittery. 'You all right?'

'Will you ever tell people your true identity?' Peters asks, taking his mask off, pacing around at a speed that gives Tony a headache after a short moment, so he closes his eyes and focuses on the softest vibrations. He can never hear Peter, of course he can't.

Tony would be fine with all questions but this one because he knows what Peter means but saying no is a lie as he's already told or confirmed his identity, the real one, to a few people.

'I don't know,' he replies finally, JARVIS keeping Nate's voice level while Tony knows that the A.I. is reluctant to be an interpreter at the very moment.

'It's not an answer,' Peter counters and Tony bows his head in agreement because he knows that perfectly well.

'I don't think I will,' he admits after a prolonged moment of silence so perfect that he can hear the blood rushing through his veins.

'Thought so,' Peter murmurs.

'You should, though. To your friends and the team,' Tony adds truthfully.

'What's the difference between me and you, the difference that makes you think so?'

'You seem unhappy.'

He knows the words are unfair because he has the advantage of being older and more experienced – even though no one would say that about Tony Stark – and he knows that Peter doesn't have anything more than Spider Man's real name to hide.

Peter just gives him a long look, almost too long for Tony to bear, and them grabs a chocolate bar from Tony's private supply, pockets it in his typically strange place, and disappears, putting his mask back in the meantime.

'I don't even know what I'm doing,' Tony sighs when JARVIS confirms that they are alone and safe.

'Whatever it is, you seem to be doing great,' the A.I. replies and Tony can't help but smile, and then they work until Tony almost can't move his hands anymore. He flies home, breathing the salty night air, and collapses unto his bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

The next week is busy with Nate's primary job and Tony's own projects, especially since he started trying more and more to perfect his thoughts-controlled systems; of course it'll take weeks if not months to make it really work, but nothing will happen if he doesn't keep working on it, so he puts his mind to trying as much as possible. Even if it means using Happy and everyone else who comes by to visit as guinea pigs.

Pepper loves it. Rhodey is impressed. Doc wants to see more and more and more, just like Happy, and Steve is being Steve which means he smiles and stares at everything with wonder in his eyes, even after all this time in twenty first century.

They still don't really talk and Tony starts wondering if they need to talk.

On May 12th Tony leaves for the mission he talked with Phil about at the beginning of the month. There isn't much planning involved, it's always been Iron Man's first job to get rid of arms that are where they shouldn't me and he's done that enough times to manage everything himself, especially with the intel provided by S.H.I.E.L.D. and JARVIS.

He doesn't ask anyone for permission to go because he doesn't have to and Steve seems to understand that. It makes Tony happy.

During the weekend Tony visits Riverside as always and then takes a long walk, strolling around New York's endless streets for so long that it's completely dark when he comes back, dark and strangely warm for this time of the year. It takes him a long time to actually make the decision to go inside because the air outside smells like spring and it makes a strange longing settle down in his chest and gut and he can't ignore it, it's burning within him, he wants to memorize every damn second, every flicker of sunrays and of artificial light, every turn he takes and every green leaf on a tree, every face, every smile, every scent his body lets him feel. He wants to memorize the exhaustion that makes him drag his legs the way that people glance at him worriedly but he just smiles when he catches their eyes, shaking his head answering unspoken offers of help. He wants to remember all of this so painfully that it makes it hard to breathe because it's mid-May, all the trees and bushes and so many flowers are in bloom, even in the middle of Manhattan, and it feels like a miracle even though it's been happening every year for the last few centuries or millennia, at least.

It's perfect, it's all he could have ever dreamed of, since he was a boy. The first unsure sightings of summertime that's still a month ahead but the peaceful natural anticipation makes it feel more like a dream than real life.

Tony's whole body aches when he finally curls up on the sofa, choosing it over his bed tonight, and it hurts when he wakes up, his legs and chest and head, but it doesn't matter.

The next day is Sunday and it's team training and Tony doesn't let JARVIS go. Instead, he takes all the meds he can to prevent him from feeling bad and he does his best during the session, putting everything he has into it, especially into flying. The Avengers stare at him when he finally lands and rests a bit.

Clint whistles and then says, 'You've been holding out on us, mate,' patting Iron Man's back. Tony is glad the armor is protecting his body from such innocent gestures.

He doesn't respond, feeling too queasy for that, so Clint raises his eyebrows and leaves him alone.

Steve stays for the night. They watch a movie silently, both deep in their thoughts and barely following the plotline, their breaths matching and fingers interwoven instinctively. For the first time ever Steve is the first one to fall asleep and Tony observes him closely, his chest raising and falling and raising, so naturally and easily and continuously and perfectly, and he smiles just a little bit, trying to pretend can be like that, too.

A few days later Tony has just come back from a walk, still with a piece of a sweet cone in his hand and salted caramel flavor at his tongue, when JARVIS forwards and assemble call.

'What is it this time?' Tony sighs, letting the newest armor wrap around his body.

'The reason seems to be the same as previously,' JARVIS explains, displaying an Avenger's memo on the helmet's HUD, and then adds, 'but I seem to pick up more foreign signals than before. The same site, sir. Middle of the desert.'

'Let Cap know I'm flying there – and not a word.'

JARVIS listens and keep silent for as long as Tony wants him, and before he arrives at the scene he as more intel about what's going on and it only makes him want to strangle Fury or WSC of whoever doesn't let them just get into the secret base our agents are currently infiltrating because whoever is causing this is making it worse every time.

They fight for more than ten hours, amidst the desert sand and scorching sunrays, and even though Tony is in the suit he's having a hard time pushing the memories burning feeling all over his skin out of his mind.

Most of the creatures that came through had to be killed – no one would risk them getting out of perimeter – and the rest are immobilized when Avengers finally have a moment to rest and catch their breaths.

The sun is starting to set, coloring the sky red and pink, when Tony stumbles as a sharp pain goes through his body. He's almost too tired to care but then it's rapidly getting to difficult to breathe and JARVIS' voice starts to faint and melt into the background and Tony's too smart not to recognize that, of course he'd be this way when the battle adrenaline starts disappearing.

He closes his eyes, hoping that maybe that will help, but it's a fools hope , it's frightening and overwhelming and he's trapped within the suit and this shouldn't even be happening –

'JARVIS, my love, I'm gonna faint in a moment,' Tony murmurs, the buzz in his ears getting louder. 'Be a good boy, don't panic, fly me away from everyone and make sure Steve and no one else follows and instruct him what to do and if you don't do as I'm telling you,' he stops to take a breath but it's fucking impossible, so he exhales and finishes, feeling the suit move around him which feels so strange, too many starts dancing in front of his eyes, 'I'll give you away to S.H.I.E.L.D. for free,' he finishes weakly but he doesn't get to hear the A.I.'s response.

A/N: Thank you for all your words and favs and amazing support so far! All the new followers, I hope you'll enjoy yourselves here, I will certainly do my best.

Special long chapter for you today and I can only hope you'll grace me with special long reviews! ;d